I haven’t written much about the actual wedding ceremony just yet, because David and I haven’t started working on ours. We have lot of wedding chores to do before we get to that (really exciting) one. I do think it is odd that we focus so much of our energy and attention on the reception, when the ceremony is the most important part. That’s the point of the day, right, getting married?
Style Me Pretty fetured Miya Hirabayashi’s wedding this weekend, and while it was really lovely, what struck me what their personal ceremony. Miya wrote more about it on her blog, and the gist of it is this. Miya and Jordy asked married family members to get up and give advice about marriage, and then each family member asked them a question, and those questions formed their vows. Some of the advice was this (grab a tissue, this made me cry):
Talk about it, whatever it is. And remember that sometimes the best time to do so is later. When you marry, you are very focused on each other, but as you raise children it’s easy to get tired and distracted. After our last child went to college, Johnny wrote that a good marriage is when the children have left and you look at each other and smile and say, “Now I remember why I married you so many years ago.”
Another skill worth learning is the art of selective listening.
1. Laugh. Especially at yourself.
2. Hold hands
3. Hire a housekeeper. Now.
4. Learn to apologize well.
5. Validate validate validate.
6. Be adventurous—life is not a dress rehearsal. You will always be there to cover each others’ back, so together you need not be afraid to do things you may hesitate to do alone. When you are dangling out there together, you will rediscover the qualities that attracted you to each other in the first place, and which may, over the years, have been obscured by the responsibilities of day-to-day life. Don’t hesitate to try new things or to move to far away places because as long as you have each other you will have everything you need. Also, wear earplugs.
This is such a meaningful way to make a ceremony more personal, without making it cheesy, and to really show that a marriage is more then just the two of you, it is the joining of two families, and takes the support of a community. It definitely has me thinking!
Thanks for letting me share your story, Miya!