Since we’ve started planning our wedding, I’ve heard more sexist comments I’ve ever heard in my life. Weddings seem to be the last frontier of totally accepted gender stereotypes. We’ve routinely had people say things like “Well, it’s a wedding, I’m sure the groom doesn’t know a thing about the plans.” or “All the groom wants is to get through the wedding so he can get to the honeymoon.” And then there are the condescending things people say just to me. When I was going dress shopping people who found out would say things like, “Well, try not to break the bank. You know you only wear it once.” or “Remember, it’s just one stupid day. Try to reign in the spending.” Right. Because I clearly am not planning a, um, practical wedding.
But I do see how we’ve gotten here. When you look around the wedding world, it’s pretty common to see weddings where it seems clear the groom didn’t have a whole lot of say… unless his favorite color is hot pink, and his number one obsession is princesses and kittens. And much of the discussion of grooms tends to be about how to keep them doing what they are told, not how to make sure that the wedding reflects both of you.
I’m lucky to have a really actively involved planning partner. David and I used to run a small theatre company together, so we already know what our complementary strengths are. He does graphic design, builds websites, builds things out of wood, and handles general artistic directorial questions. I run budgets, plan the schedules, manage hiring, and have tons of opinions. (Oh yes, and I write a wedding blog. But don’t confuse that with the actual planning!)
I know that we are not the only two people out there planning our wedding as a team. How do other people co-manage the wedding? What do your partners care about and what could they care less about? And how do you both handle the ever present wedding sexism?
Picture: Look how important men are in a wedding! No heads! From here.
**Coming tomorrow – a guest blog on this very same subject from my favorite person, my fiance! Please welcome David with open arms, and lots of comments. He loves comments.**