A few of you have emailed me with that timeless problem: I want one wedding, but my mother (or mother in law) wants another. Except your timeless problem has a twist. You want a simple, practical wedding, and your mother is insisting that it isn't proper to get married without a monogrammed aisle runner, at least five bridesmaids, a unity candle and unity sand, a cathedral length train, and fillet Mignon. What to do?
Well, I'm pleased to say that the answer to this problem couldn't be simpler. You need to go out and buy your mother a copy of Miss Manners On {Painfully Proper} Weddings. Read it yourself first, then wrap it up nicely, and give it to your mother as a sweet gift for helping you plan your wedding. Then, whenever questions come up, say, "Let's look at what Miss Manners says is proper. You know, just to be sure." And your work is done.
My friend Kate once described Miss Manners lovingly as "Our Trojan Horse." By which she meant that at her core Miss Manners is not only practical, she's progressive. But she's wrapped in the armor of etiquette, which translated just means "treating people properly," so not even the most stuck in the mud backwards thinking person can argue with her. When it comes to weddings though, Miss Manners is both my practical icon and my favorite humorist. How can you argue with a woman that said in a recent interview:
"Weddings have become meaningless and, not to say vulgar, and ostentatious. There's a huge industry promoting that. What drives me crazy is that they're always promoting expensive things under the name of, "It's proper to do this," or "People expect it." And they're the very things that are condemned by etiquette, which is not in the business of telling people to go into debt. But the ritual itself, if it could be hacked back to what it's supposed to be, can be very lovely."
So just in time for a holiday weekend I'm telling you, if your mother is stressing you out, go get her this book. And get one for yourself. It's hilarious. And there is not a monogrammed aisle runner in sight.
It's out of the bag now. Now you know my Practical Wedding secret.
A big thank you to Tara, for serendipitously sending me the Miss Manners article. Now go read it, and watch her cut those "weddings are a fantasy" people down to size.
I love your blog. Every bit of it is genius. I bought the book and can’t wait to read it!
June 30, 2008 7:31 am
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Thank you for this post — and that linked article at the end was so damn spot on.
It’s tragic when the whole concept of weddings start to leave a sour taste in your mouth— your blog has been a wonderful bit of respite in all the hoopla.
June 30, 2008 7:51 am
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Thanks… this would have been useful about 4 years ago. You’re fired.
June 30, 2008 9:07 am
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This is absolutely brilliant. Maybe I should do a giveaway with this book…
June 30, 2008 9:59 am
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This could be a God-send for me. My dear mother is insisting on some things that are a little heavy on the budget- I guess she’s forgotten that she hasn’t given me any money to pay for this shindig and it’s all coming out of my pocket at the moment. It’d be different if she had financial interest but I’m not breaking my bank for the sake of her preferences. This might be just the tool I need to help me find the kindest way to tell her this! Thanks, Meg! :)
June 30, 2008 10:10 am
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I love Miss Manners! Thanks for the shout out — you’re doing society a favor :) We could all use a little polite instruction.
June 30, 2008 10:21 am
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I love your blog! I can’t wait to get this book. As I begin to plan my own wedding I often look to your articles to help keep me grounded, as the wedding industry tries to sell me “my lovely future!”
June 30, 2008 11:04 am
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This is perfect! My mother has somehow completely forgotten her own backyard $500 wedding and has begun saying dangerous things like “buffets are tacky.”
June 30, 2008 12:52 pm
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