I walked into my local card store the other day only to be met by a wall of blingy fake engagement rings. What on earth are they doing selling fake engagement rings? Yes, David almost proposed to me with a tacky fake engagement ring - for more hilarity, and to let me pick the real ring myself - but surely the fake engagement ring can't be a common proposal strategy? Or maybe America is more hilarious then I thought? Anyway. Of course the first thing that flashed across my mind was "I must try one on, immediately."
So, there I was, in the card store, slipping a fake engagement ring the size of a small softball on my hand. "AHHH!" I said (perhaps a little loudly) and the sales lady whipped around, eyebrows raised. "Oh," I said, giggling apologetically, "It's just that these rings are crazy funny! I mean look at the size? Silly, right?"
Judging from her reaction, I'm guessing that the rings are not humorous.
So, of course, I bought it.
One thing about rings is that they are deeply personal. I think it’s wrong to assume that a large ring is any less special just because it’s large. All people have different priorities and different situations. You like your “small” ring and I love my “huge” ring. They are both vintage and often times that means you get what you can find. So, my ring is larger than I expected it to be (the center stone is over 2 carats), but I love it and I couldn’t imagine wearing another ring. I also don’t think it’s huge. In my circle of friends, it’s actually normal if not a little small. :) My best friend has a 4 carat center stone. Her husband is a show off.
July 31, 2008 5:37 am
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HAHA! that’s great. I might have to try that myself.
July 31, 2008 5:49 am
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I’ve been thinking about getting one of those for nights out to avoid getting hit on by skeevy guys. How could they miss it? They’ll see it and go, “Oh…she’s taken. By a rich guy.”
July 31, 2008 6:15 am
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I say go all out and get those favor engagement rings that light up. Now those are flashy.
July 31, 2008 6:51 am
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haha that’s hilarious. can’t…lift…hand…THUD
July 31, 2008 7:00 am
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Actually, my fiancee proposed to me with a 35 carat plastic ring in April. I thought it was great! I’m a women’s studies grad student, so I wore it to class, and everyone thought I was trying to “make a statement,” except that I really was engaged.
I still don’t have an actual ring. Actually some days that hurts my feelings..then I put on my ginormous fake ring. Someone once asked if I was engaged to a sheik.
July 31, 2008 7:00 am
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I normally agree with every word you type, but I’ll have to with Kate on this one, and my ring’s not “huge.”
July 31, 2008 7:22 am
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Ah, Kate, your missing the point a bit… I’m sure your ring is not, say, plastic? All big rings are not tacky (though they can be, just like small rings) but all $10 rings are.
On a serious note, what I do object to is the ring Olympics that you are talking about… 0.25 carats, 2 carats, 4 carats, we shouldn’t be comparing, or noticing, it’s not the point. They fact that everyone does compare sort of makes me want to skip the diamond all together. Nothing true can be learned about our relationship (or even our finances) from my ring.
July 31, 2008 7:25 am
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Hum. Perhaps the picture does not convey how tacky this ring really is. Trust me when I tell you it’s not the size that makes it tacky. Though the size does make it funny.
July 31, 2008 7:29 am
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My what-most-folks-consider-small diamond belonged to my grandmother and, I remember, on my grandparent’s 50th anniversary, my grandpa set her loose in a jewelery store and I said to my grandpa, “She’s going to break the bank in there. I hope you put a limit on that expense account.”
He said, “She’s worth it. Every penny for the last fifty years.” Then he patted me on the head and said, “Why don’t you go help her pick something? Grandpa’s going to go have a vodka tonic and pray for the worst, I mean best.”
No planetoid could ever hold memories like that. Everyday, I thank my grandmother for leaving me such a wonderful gift. If anyone snubs it, well, that’s their judgmental loss.
In addition to the history, we’ve stowed away the money we would have spent on a ring toward our next house. There is nothing like being able to build a new life from an old one. Heirlooms are amazing like that.
July 31, 2008 7:54 am
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Ha! I love the line about “all the rings in downtown SF”! Hilarious.
I would love to get one of the platic rings! I insisted to my BF that I absolutely did not under any circumstance want an engagement ring. The “ring
Olympics” played a big part in this feeling. After we were engaged I realized I DID want a ring I just didn’t want an “engagement ring”.
I have an eternity band with tiny diamonds and tiny sapphires. No one oohs and ahs over it or even notices it really. One time a woman learned I was engaged, glanced down at my hand and then decided NOT to ask to see my ring.
I love my ring. It is special to me just as a large diamond ring is special to someone else (BTW – I don’t feel you suggested larger rings were any less special than smaller rings). Occasionally, as contradicting as it may be with my beliefs, I long for the bling- bling. Please let me know where to buy the plastic dazzler. It looks like fun!
July 31, 2008 8:07 am
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Ah, the ring thing! Just like with a wedding itself, some folks take a “holier than thou” attitude with the “my ring is heirloom/bloodless/diamondless” just as much as those who take a “richer than thou” attitude with “my ring is xx carats.” All in all, no matter what the size or origin, most everyone is comparing theirs to everyone else’s, albeit using different measures. I think it’s an effort to assert the special-ness and unique-ness of one’s relationship in the absence of quantifiable measures, so people are left to asserting that their ring/wedding is expensive or unique or organic or whatever.
I like the plastic ring — it definitely asserts something about your relationship: that you don’t take yourselves too seriously. If it offends others, then, well, it’s the same as any other engagement ring, in my opinion.
July 31, 2008 8:18 am
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My fiance ended up proposing with a ring that his mom used to wear, but before he found that, he went to a regular jewelery store to look at engagement rings. He said he was getting engaged, and that I didn’t want a diamond. The sales people didn’t believe him. He went through the whole ethics and false rarity stuff, and they still didn’t quite believe him. They tried to show him rings with a colored stone, surrounded by diamonds, or even colored diamonds, sure that that’s what I would really want.
I’m glad he didn’t give in :)
July 31, 2008 8:24 am
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I thought those rings were for single girls going to the clubs, so skeevy men wouldn’t hit on you.
July 31, 2008 8:36 am
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All big rings are not tacky (though they can be, just like small rings) but all $10 rings are.
au contraire, my dear meg! this, for example, is lovely. i think the larger point is that a ring’s tackiness has more to do with design (re: its creator) and intention (re: its giver and wearer) than it does with materials, whether you’re talking about diamonds or plastic.
July 31, 2008 8:58 am
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Tacky seems to be the watch-word today. Check out Ariel’s post on http://www.offbeatbride.com
July 31, 2008 9:07 am
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Um, yeah…. just what Rebecca Green said!!
You know what?? If it makes you giggle and chuckle, then it’s worth it. It’s a big fake plastic ring!! ;-)
I live in Dallas (where everyone likes things bigger!), and work in the design trade with some of the wealthiest people in the city. Believe me when I say I’ve seen some rings that are literally so big, you can’t see the sides of the finger!! HUGE!! Even though I wouldn’t want a ring that big (but I’ll take the Mercedes), it still makes me a tad little (very small)sad sometimes… so I can see the humor in the big fake ring!
July 31, 2008 9:24 am
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Haha this comment line is pretty funny. To each her own right? I live in Orange County (home to all things big and blingy) and my fiance works at an expensive private school. Needless to say my lack of a ring, and then even more so my current ring (silver band with one, teensy tiny diamond in it, from tiffany’s though! :) ) brought many a ‘ooohhh, how…. sweet’ reactions from school parents and friends alike.
We originally said we would upgrade it to something more ‘engagement ring’ like, but the more i wore it the more i realized that this was all i needed. And i plan on getting a single wedding band with a few diamonds to wear solo after we get married. However, that is just me at where I am in life. My fiance works at a school, he doesn’t make a ton of money, and I knew that going in to it. Now if he was a rich Newport plastic surgeon or something… I would definitely have some bling on my finger! ;) Haha
As long as the ring fits the person wearing it, whether it is .nothing or 25 carats, then there is nothing to be ashamed of!
July 31, 2008 9:31 am
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Can we get a close-up of your tacky ring? I could do with a laugh!
I can see the argument that some commenters are making here, that criticising the big rings is as bad as looking down on the small… but if I understand correctly you’re not criticising the big rings but the constant comparison and the “well, mine is X carats” attitude… and I’m with you on that one.
But then, we Brits hate any talk about money and such things and I guess diamond size fits in there.
On a personal note, I have tiny hands too and I asked my fiancĂŠ not to get me a big diamond but unsurprisingly he ignored me, the git. (Of course it is still quite small by some standards… you can coo at it here if you’re interested: http://gs-whatnext.blogspot.com/2008/04/approaching-t-minus-six-months.html)
July 31, 2008 9:41 am
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even with a ring [real or fake] on your finger, the real skeevy guys won’t care. trust me.
July 31, 2008 9:45 am
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Jezebel has a great post about a similar topic. http://jezebel.com/5031157/4-things-i-hate-about-esquires-10-things-you-dont-know-about-women
Diamond rings are lovely but they are (hopefully) not what keeps you in your marriage.
July 31, 2008 9:58 am
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True Lauren. I should have said all $10 DIAMOND rings are tacky. But.. etsy might prove me wrong even on that. I don’t tend to throw around the word tacky, but I thought when discussing a $10 fakefakefake blingy ring, I was safe. Perhaps not.
July 31, 2008 10:07 am
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My ex proposed to me with a fake ring (he actually had two more so I had three to choose from until we bought a real one). They weren’t huge or anything though (except for one which was also a size too big so I couldn’t wear it anyway) so I didn’t feel silly about wearing them.
I wouldn’t want anything above real that was above 1 carat… ideally it would be less than 0.75. Anything else just feels too excessive when their are starving people all over the world. I’ll probably end up going with good CZ instead of a diamond anyway. Or maybe a pearl. Yum.
So sorry for the tangent, but yes I agree. A lot of rings are hugely and humorously humongous.
July 31, 2008 10:25 am
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that’s so funny. totally something i would do! *open mouth, insert foot, buy totally fake plastic ring*
July 31, 2008 10:48 am
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I say save the thing and use it to sucker punch rapists. But that’s just me.
July 31, 2008 11:39 am
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ahhh the wedding competition.
it doesn’t end with rings I’m afraid.
we are also “sizing” each other up based on the invitations, dress, cake, veil, venue, total budget, what you diy, and how well you Gocco…ect.
sure some people think a small ring means he’s poor, and a big ring means your a potential gold digger.
and some people are just thinking
“you’re getting married!!! congrats”
July 31, 2008 12:00 pm
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I can do better than all of you. My Fiancee proposed with a ring he’d made out of tin foil and tape.
I think that puts it in the half a penny spot, he he he
July 31, 2008 12:40 pm
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I’m not doing an engagement ring. But I desperately wanted this one:
http://www.outofgray.com/rcproduct18.php.
July 31, 2008 4:43 pm
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My fiance lives on another continent and has spent many, many thousands of dollars on plane tickets and vacations for both of us to see each other. When it came time for the ring, I saw no reason to insist on diamonds with inflated prices when we had other things to spend money on! I ended up with the most incredibly gorgeous lab created sapphire in a stunning setting. He spent hundreds for it (and gave it to me in the middle of a trip he’d spent thousands on). It’s a matter of priorities. Some people’s priorities really do lie around conspicuous planetary bling. Other people’s priorities are around houses. Or saving for college for their kids. To each his own.
July 31, 2008 5:44 pm
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My first engagement ring was a black cable tie. Plastic and I loved it!
August 1, 2008 3:37 am
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wow, lots of comments! I agree with your post, but, yes, I suppose it’s all in the eye of the beholder. some of us would rather have a tattoo than a diamond, and I’m sure that’s really horrifying to other people.
I have a friend who had a big, beautiful ring with huge stone for her engagement ring, and I commented on how gorgeous it was, and she laughed and showed me that it was plastic! still, that’s her engagement ring, and she loves it. I bought myself a handblown glass (god, that made me sound like THE HUGEST HIPPY) unique cool ring when we got engaged, even though my husband didn’t give me a ring… cause I wanted something special for me to look at, even though no one else knew yet.
different strokes makes the world go round!
August 4, 2008 4:03 pm
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I know this is an old post but I just wanted to comment and say that I totally agree with everything you said.
Also I wanted to say that this site has been so helpful to me. I am getting married in ten months, but we’ve already been engaged for 20 months. When I first started planning back in the fall of 08, all of my plans were pretty simple. I didn’t know about chiavari chairs or centerpieces or any of that other stuff. All I knew was I was going to wear a white dress, marry someone I love dearly, and dance the night away.
After a couple setbacks (and changes of dates) we got going on heavy planning just a few months ago. And it has been stressful. I knew I wanted a DOC so I started there. And from there things exploded. I had once not wanted a professional photographer. I found myself putting down a deposit for a 3300 dollar photographer. I was then introduced to wedding porn where I lost myself and really my sense of “us” in a sea of chiavari, place cards, and passed appetizers. Our budget was rapidly expanding and I couldn’t reel it back in.
Then I found this site and I have totally snapped back to reality. ONE DAY should not bankrupt us. This is one day out of hopefully many more. I’m so glad to have found this site along with my priorities.
July 22, 2010 1:06 pm
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