Registry Ennui


by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

Registry Ennui | A Practical WeddingI have a confession to make. Early this year, when we were not engaged, but boy was I ready to be, I used to wander through the high end cooking store near my office and play the registering game. “Hum,” I’d think to myself, “this sure is a nice fancy cheese board. I bet married people have cheese boards like this.” Of course, what would follow was me looking at the price of said cheese board and thinking “AH! It’s not that nice a cheese board!”

Fast forward to now. We’ve been engaged long enough that registering is something looming on the horizon. Oddly, I’m much less excited about it than you might expect. I really love shopping for presents for other peoples weddings off registries, mind you. Who doesn’t? You get to play house, and get a inside look at peoples tastes. “Cool wine glasses,” you think. Or “Ohdeargod, who asks for reindeer Christmas china?” And then you get the delight and satisfaction of foisting shiny wrapped things on newlyweds. But I can’t seem to muster any of that excitement for our registry. Here are the issues:

  • I’m almost thirty. I’ve lived in apartments of one form or another for the last 10 years, so chances are if I can’t live without it, I’ve probably already bought it. We truly needed a registry a year and a half ago when we moved to San Francisco, and seemed to need a million things for our new apartment. But now? We’ve got those things.
  • I don’t cook. Period. David does cook, and he’s very serious about it, so he has some things he’s really excited to register for, like pans that will last a lifetime and serious knives. I’m excited that he’s excited, but that’s the extent of my emotions.
  • We have a small apartment, and it’s tidy. The rules are, if we don’t have a place to keep it, it doesn’t come in the door, and most spots are already taken. We have no plans to move to a bigger space soon. Our apartment is 1930′s immaculate rent controlled perfection, so our thoughts are more of the “do we have a walk in closet big enough to convert to a nursery?” variety.
  • I’m not a shopper, so the idea of taking hours and hours to set up a online registry filled with flawless etsy finds makes me feel bored.

So, we’re pondering this registry stuff. David has his cookware, so he’s set. I really want silver, as I’m thoroughly old fashioned, but it’s expensive these days, and most people won’t be able to afford it. My grandmother gave us a set of family china when we got engaged, so I’m happy as a clam in that department. Oddly, I do want a fancy toaster, since at some point I decided that a fancy toaster meant that you’d really made it into adulthood, so I’m sure we’ll register for one of those.

The real issue is, I feel like the only bride in the world not excited by a registry. It’s not that I somehow object to the materialism of it, I don’t. I love getting for others gifts, and I always appreciate useful things for us. It just that the whole thing feels odd to me (not to mention 5 or 10 years too late to be useful). Isn’t getting married enough? Do I really need gifts too?*

Anyone else share my registry ambivalence?

*And please no suggestions that we register for cash, or cash for a honeymoon, or anything cash related. I find it strange enough that the happy event of our marriage allows us to ask for gifts. I’m most definitely not going to be asking for anything more extreme then a toaster or a challah cover.

Picture via Yum Sugar

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and son.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12213216445363808745 ley

    Why don’t you set up a charity registry? That way, you’re contributing to causes close to your heart, people who want to get you gifts aren’t lost at what to buy you, and you’re not getting 5 toasters. It’s win-win, especially for the people or animals or whatever that are being helped. :)

  • Anonymous

    Hey Meg,
    As second-timers, we didn’t register (the thought actually never crossed our minds), but we combined our wedding with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Light the Night walk the following evening. Many people joined our “Team I Do” and helped raise money for the cause, and many of our guests gave lovely donations to our team as a very special wedding gift. We had set an ambitious goal of raising $10,000 and the amazing news is … we came in at over $11,000!! I’m pulling together pics of the wedding now to send to you.

    Dianne

  • http://www.countingmypennies.com Megan

    I agree with you. Registries made sense when the marriage was the time when a couple left their parents’ house and moved into their own home together – so they had nothing and needed things like dishes and cookware. Now, it makes less sense. I do like the idea of the charity registry. A friend of mine registered with Heifer International, which made for a wonderful gift that they were delighted to “receive.”

  • http://www.scottandbrandi.info/blog Brandi

    I totally share these thoughts with you. We already live together so we don’t need much. I also want pretty much everything frivolous from the home section of Anthro. So I’m making a list on wishpot to be able to include things we actually really want, which is not a lot. I think when people spend money on a gift for someone it should be something they really want. For us, something we really want and need is money for a down payment on a house. Of course this is not for everyone. We don’t expect much but we really need to start a nest egg and it’s very hard in times like these so we would be appreciative for anything!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00991638626164427455 Jessica

    Hello Meg!
    My suggestion would be not to register at all, or to do a charity register. We’re not registering mostly because I find the idea a little weird – it makes me feel materialistic, and unlike you, i hate buying things off of other people’s registries. I just want to pick out something that I love, too, that suits them. If a gift is meant to convey emotion and thought, to bridge the divide between the recipient and the giver, then what is a registry for? Pick this, at this store, for this much. It requires no thought or emotion other than greed on the recipient’s part – and I wrestle with greed quite enough; I don’t want to encourage that in myself! – and duty/obligation on the part of the giver. Or at least that’s what I thought until I read your post. My Mom says that people will want me to register so they have a guide to presents. But I feel like just being there, at the wedding, is gift enough. People are taking a day or a weekend off….they’re driving adn flying…they’re buying clothes and doing odd jobs once they’re there….and an extra gift on top of that just seems too much, to me. On the other hand, maybe my Mom is right. Moms usually are – mine in particular. :) And then you can have a really nice toaster!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18158492409598444709 Terry

    Have you considered DVDs? We initially tried not to have a registry at all, since we share a 500 square foot apartment and both have a lot of art supplies, but people threw an absolute fit! So, we registered for DVDs. And people bought them. We now own every disney animated movie ever made on DVD, and the entire Planet Earth seriese from the discovery channel. People who felt ritzy got us the big DVD box sets or several DVDs, and our less wealthy guests brought us single DVDs. They hardly take up any space, we’ll use them all, and we can enjoy them together. Also, consider things like cook books. People love getting newlyweds cookbooks, and again, they dont take up a lot of space. Same for art books.

    Also, consider things you might like to upgrade, or that you think might break down. We had a vaccume, but it was on its last legs. We had day-to-day dishes, but they were mostly 3rd hand tupperware.

    Good luck. But remember, if you dont register, people WILL bring you ugly picture frams and vases. And they wont include a recipt.

    We also encouraged our guests to bring us handmade goodies. Who can’t make room for a handmade quilt from their MOH?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06650731630598286205 Rebecca Green Neale

    At 30 and 28, my husband and I were surprisingly deficient in our kitchen goods and have welcomed all of our guests’ generousity. I have to admit that registering wasn’t nearly as delightful as I hoped it would be, but that was probably because I turned it into a science project — researching Consumer Reports and Cook’s Illustrated ratings to find the items we needed that would last us the longest time. We also found that there is NO need to register for — or ask for — cash, as the majority of guests included a thoughtful check with their card. You may not be interested in moving anytime soon, but it was very satisfying to seed our “down payment” savings account with our wedding gifts and, I think, symbolically appropriate that our loved ones will help us start our family in our own home.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09710674849677746660 a simple realist.

    my fiance and i havent reached
    the registry excitement yet.
    but he did turn to me with an earnest face as we were leaving target and said:

    “can i register for a wii?”

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01618363385541430055 Meg

    my david & i just registered last weekend. it was really weird… we ended up registering for china and crystal and all that, but we both feel kind of weird about it.

    my david is the house chef, too… so, honestly, as long as he gets the cookware he's psyched about, i'm happy.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17876164845957575355 Jessica Eastman

    We registered for “step-up” things. For example, we already have towels (of course), but they’re all different sizes and colors. So we registered for a nice set of matching ones. We have plastic drawers from Walmart to hold toiletries in, so we stepped it up and registered for a nice wooden piece of furniture that would fit in our small bathroom. We, like you, are also asking for nice kitchen pieces like good knives and pots. And we’re asking for things that we’d love but never get for ourselves (a Roomba, for example).

    He also registered for some Wii games…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09091707667363139178 erinmaureen

    I feel the same way. We have already lived together for over 2 years, both of us being on our own for over 10 years now, and we own our own home. we have basically everything that we need or really want, and I hate asking anyone for anything so this whole registry thing is pissing me off. We are going to register for a kitchen aid mixer b/c that is our ‘you are an adult if you have one of these’, and probably some home depot gift cards. I dont want china, silver, or toasting glasses. So maybe this charity thing sounds like a good idea!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15197564769635390369 shaygo

    i hated registering — it was just stressful and time consuming because i didn't want to register for crap but i also didn't want to register for something so expensive that we couldn't afford buying it for someone else.

    we are broke so, for us, we actually needed many of the things on our registry which is why we went through the process.

    i understand feeling weird about "asking" for gifts but our parents made the point that a lot of guests want to gift the bride & groom and like the above commenter said — better to get something you like than a vase in the shape of a fan with a note that says "may you always be each other's greatest fan." — no lie — that happened to a friend of mine.

  • Josephinedream

    My husband and I had alot of fun putting together our registry! Well we were able to register for anything in the world. At myregistry.com we were able to surf the net together and add some really cool stuff. Its better than being stuck in one store and we ended up getting stuff we really needed. Oh and ‘a simply realist’ – go ahead and register for a wii. We did and we have so much fun and quality time playing it. It was an awee to just register for toasters and stuff like that.

  • josephinedream

    hehe sorry
    i mis typed my comment- i meant to say -you don’t always just have to register for toasters and stuff like that.

  • Los Angeles on a Budget

    I’m not at the registry stage yet, but I found this alternativeregistry idea a while back – it really might fit the bill for the couple who doesn’t need miuch else. Also, because a number of our friends aren’t particularly well off, it gives us a real chance to recieve meaningful yet inexpensive gifts (favorite books, movies, recipes, experiences, personal IOUs, etc) instead of the leftover spoons and handtowels on a standard registry. http://www.alternativegiftregistry.org/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16787392184686950891 Autumn

    I feel your ennui, and would second those who advise that you take stock of household goods and figure out what you’re happy with, and what you could give to Goodwill and upgrade. I’m 29 myself with very little cabinet space, but a lot of my kitchen stuff is a mismatched TJ Maxx inventory from when I started law school and was broke. So I’m excited to upgrade kitchen stuff, plates, silverware, glasses, etc. Ditto for sheets and towels, platters and trays and such that I haven’t bought for myself but have wanted since I’ve started entertaining more.

    You don’t have to have a crazy big registry, just fill it with things you actually want and need, people like to give nice things they think you will use for a long time. Don’t be afraid to register for a few big ticket items and tell your parents or friends that if people ask, you’d love them to go in together for that cappuccino maker you’ve always wanted. We’re also registering at Lowe’s since my fiance is big into home improvement and we actually need a grill.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09526722516550185150 Meg

    Hey all-
    Thanks for the charity registry idea… while it works for some, and we’ll find ways to incorporate it into our registry (more on that later) it feels way to much like asking for cash to me, so it won’t be our primary registry. As for not registering, that’s not really a option for us, with our family and friends. It’s the ennui that gets me…. the practicality of it, well, we’ll figure it out. But every bride seems so super excited about it, and me… not so much.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17572133516556386284 *Michelle

    Do create a registry of some kind regardless of what you may or may not need. People want to get gifts and if you have no registry, you are getting whatever they think you might like, and returning it can become an issue.
    That being said, we are similar in that our apartment is pretty full of all the things we need. So we went through our kitchen and are upgrading many things that we already have. (Better knife set, new blender whos buttons all work etc.) And we registered for scuba gear we need and the experience style gifts (skydiving, vineyard tour etc). Woohoo for Wishpot and Myregistry.com!
    I know you are dreading it, but I think that you’ll find tat once you get going, its actually more fun than you expect.

  • ThickChick

    We’re in a similar position as a lot of commentors. We have everything we need, having combined two complete houses worth of this and that. We could upgrade I suppose, but we’re moving in a year and I’ll likely change my mind as to what type of ‘look’ I will be going for.

    I think we’ve settled on a charity registry, plus we’re trying to find some tactful way to register for our honeymoon. I don’t know what to do!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02237404788504057591 Palila

    Since we’ve been living together for years, we’ve been taking an inventory approach to our registry. For the past two months, we’ve been noticing what we use a lot and what we really don’t use at all. If we don’t use it at all, it’s getting pitched (donate, freecycle, recycle), and if we use it a lot (to the point of every day for some pans) and think “gee, it would be nice to have an extra one”, we’re putting it on the registry. We’re also taking a hard look at the quality of what we have, to see if what we have needs to be replaced (i.e. scratched up non-stick pans and chewed-up wooden spoons.) Finally, we’re taking a look at the items available and seeing if we can consolidate anything. It definitely helps that my sister will be taking a lot of our older stuff, hand-me-downs from my grandparents and such (including our parent’s wedding silverware.)

    My aunts warned me away from a charity registry, saying that a lot of people will just go, “oh, that’s a good idea,” and then do nothing. We did, before we started looking at stores, look at the charities and stores affiliated with the IDoFoundation and get our preferred charities set up through that.

  • http://lovestained.wordpress.com/ Jeni from Kansas

    I feel your pain. The DF (Darling Fiance) and I have both been married before, and have pretty much everything we could possibly need/want/desire. What we’ve begun to do, in an effort to find things to place on a registry, are find items that would help us be more efficient. For example, organizational bins and baskets, prep bowls for cooking, various hangers for closet organization…things like that. It has made things easier because we are registering items that will help us be more efficient in our home overall, and not break the bank or force someone to purchase something we really didn’t want in the first place.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11711266239364382681 amanda

    i was much more excited about the registry until we actually got around to registering. i am pretty opinionated about what i like, and my husband has a habit of playing the devil’s advocate. this combo made for some interesting, er, discussions between us.

    in the end, we pretty much used the registry as an opportunity to upgrade the stuff we already had, rather than trying to come up with new stuff that we needed. i.e. real china (nice, but good for everyday) rather than the ikea stuff we had which would chip if you looked at it wrong, new towels to replace the ones i’ve had since high school, flatware that Actually Matches rather than the piecemeal collection we’d had before, and also those pots and pans to last a lifetime like you mentioned.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04206438640440763004 Sarah

    I have *never* liked registries … The idea of asking guests for specific gifts grates at my nerve … And J and I were in the same situation … We already had everything we wanted so we decided to set up a charity registry benefiting Habitat for Humanity if people were so compelled to give a gift … We had just recently moved down to Biloxi and seeing so many people still in need from Katrina only reaffirmed the fact that having a registry would be frivolous and just downright greedy for us. We chose to share our day with those in our new community who, in our minds, were and are so much more deserving.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08842191847941847564 Bride in Exile

    Meg, I could have written this post! My fiance and I are also suffering registry ennui. We’ve been living together over a year now, and we already have most of the kitchen stuff we want. We’ve been keeping a list of items to put on the registry as they occur to us and that list is now at a whopping ten items. We’re just not that excited about it, to be honest. You’re not alone!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14150617283056545848 Autumn

    There is a site called Alternative Gift Registry where you can ask for pretty much anything. I’ve seen listings for homemade things (like quilts, tables, benches), recipes, art work, charity, scrapbooks, restaurant gift cards, and much more. The only limit is creativity. It’s fun to browse through the site (just search on a common name).

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16706255556393303773 Ms. Debbie G

    One word for you: Sheets. Those are my favorite things we registered for.

    Besides that, I’m with the upgraders. I felt much better about the registry when I started thinking PRACTICAL and requesting things that I hoped would last the duration of our marriage (serious high quality pans, pots, knives) or would at least last us ten years (super sheets, towels, plates, and flatware).

    We liked the idea of those sites like wishpot and myregistry, but we really wanted to make it easy for everyone, and those sites are best suited for the slightly more web-literate.

    Good luck!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14772328777827106080 sneffik

    I understand what you mean. The Boy and I already own a house and have everything we need for the most part. All of our furniture is hand-me-downs but in great condidtion. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, and my dad is paying for the honeymoon (yay, dad!!. So, we too are stuck and not too excited about a wedding registry…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05750659066802561501 Erika

    We did a honeymoon registry as a primary registry and also registered elsewhere for kitcheny stuff for people who might be uncomfortable with giving cash. As for accepting cash, we had no problem with it and it was the most practical thing for us to do, but I understand that it’s not the right thing for some couples. And it worked out very well: we mostly got honeymoon money, and a few fun kitchen gadgets that we didn’t *really* need but are nice to have. And most people were thrilled to give us an experience rather than a thing: it seemed to fit the spirit of our wedding.

    I’m reading a lot about upgrading in the comments to this post, and I want to put in a vote for not upgrading. I still like my mismatched vintage glasses and teacups…who says that since I’m married I need to have grown-up matching dishes? Getting married was enough to make me feel old and settled, I didn’t need to have my dishes sending me the same message.

    I definitely emphathize with the registry ennui. Have you thought about registering for books on Amazon or elsewhere?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12095127115348973647 Jessamyn Harris

    I definitely feel you. We didn’t even have a “real” wedding but were still expected to register, and it was by far the most stressful part of getting married. What’s THAT all about?! I won’t even tell you how many places we ended up being registered (for an elopement, it was ridiculous), and how much it sucked to try to figure out what to add to the list (though it is fun to use those scanning guns to add stuff, which is (as my husband likes to say) “how they get you”). I was very frustrated with the whole experience, and although we ended up with some lovely china that we actually use, it’s already completely broken and chipped (despite the salesperson’s promise that they don’t break easily… obviously he doesn’t know US).
    The only thing I liked about the experience was when I was telling my cousin Lisa (sweetest person in the world, not in a cloying way) that I didn’t know why we were even doing it, and she pointed out that people really want to contribute to your home (which I knew), but also that it is really sweet to think something like, “I’ll get them this lovely wooden cutting board they want but wouldn’t buy themselves, and then whenever they use it, they’ll think of me and how much I love and support them.”

    So, while I probably couldn’t tell you who bought us most of the stuff we ended up with, I definitely think of lovely Lisa and how much she, and family in general, mean to us each time we use the beautiful glass pitcher that, yes, we definitely wouldn’t have bought ourselves.

    Phew! I can’t seem to keep myself from the longest comments ever here, sorry Meg!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08933276890294272333 Michellesayshi

    I can completely relate. I have spent the last two weekends registering, and even teared up a bit at one store because it was so overwhelming. “But you are supposed to have ### number of gifts on there”, the store’s registry attendant said. “Have you added ___? What about ___?” Don’t let them talk you into things you really don’t want or need.

    I enjoyed tweaking my registries online, at my leisure, so much more than being in the actual store.

    All I can say is that thank God that’s over!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03422424697050612621 love-v

    I haven’t registered yet myself, but have been given some golden nuggets of advice.

    Mom said: People want to buy you things, make sure they can buy you what you’d want or like. Registries are often another place to look come major holidays.

    Friend said: Skip the store and the lazer gun. Stay home, browse online in your pajamas while drinking a bottle of wine.

    If you’ve got the pans and knives and nothing else give yourself permission to be finished. You can always add, subtract or change your registry.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16774816589101208646 skatej

    I’ve heard that sometimes the loved ones of the bride/groom will go in together on bigger items on the registry, which means you can register for that silver set…or maybe you can register for a certain number of spoons and then a separate registry for a certain number of forks? I dont know if that happens or not. But it would be a more frugal way of getting your silver set!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18209533406055486161 Rachel

    Yes, we felt strange too.
    Like you, I thought it a little strange that just because we were getting married, we got to ask for presents. And like you, being 32 (and living together in a house for 2 years) meant that we pretty much HAD everything we needed – sometimes 2 or 3. So the stuff on our registry is a little pricier. Which also makes me feel a little guilty.

    Ah, well…more guilt.

    We did try to register for things we really needed – like more plates, nicer cookware, cool kitchen gadgets. But really, I’m hoping for many Crate and Barrel gift cards so that we can go and get our coffee table that we’ve been wanting. That would be awesome!

  • http://unlovething.livejournal.com/ unlovething

    I don’t mind the idea of registering for a honeymoon. I do mind when people do a real, full registry and THEN a register for a honeymoon. I think it needs to be very clearly one or the other. I think that it comes off as greedy when people ask for that much.

    But I’m in the same boat because we have everything we need in our apartment but what I could REALLY use is 5 nights in Jamaica!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05650363231006892289 Mrs. in May

    I am in a similar boat. I always thought i would LIVE to register! Zap, zap, buy it for me! But when ti came time, I found it really strange!! We have lived together for years and are in our 30s, we have most things we need. I did use it as an opportunity to upgrade linens, towels, knives and a few appliances but really, we have NO space for the stuff! Where the heck is it going to go? And who the heck is going to buy me a $300 mixer? (although that is something I do covet, that and the knives!)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03946798903591192470 Becky (rksquared)

    I did not read through all of the comments, so it’s likely that this is a repeat BUT…surprisingly most of the items purchased off of our registry were for shower gifts, not wedding gifts. We did get a few wedding gifts, but the large majority of people gave us cash or gift cards (mostly to places we did not register at…like Target).

    At over 30, we had a lot of things…but much of it was poor quality, so I was happy to be able to upgrade. There are also places that you can register and people can put money towards larger items such as furniture. (Then again, you might not be stuck with your future in-laws’ 80s couches, as I am.) Just a thought.

  • Anonymous

    Hi,

    We are in the same boat as you guys. We don’t need any more stuff and the idea of cash presents is not very appealing. Instead we came up with the idea of having our registry at a gallery. We chose a painting we both liked and people can contribute as much as they want via the gallery. Not much different form a normal online registry. BTW it is only immediate family members that have this option – everyone else we have requested ‘no gifts please’. We are paying for everything ourselves, so I know our parents are really busting to spend some money on us. I know a few friends will probably still get us something which i am sure will be sweet and heartfelt and probably handcrafted, but I’d be happy to receive nothing at all!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01761617431883084227 Melanie

    I was happy to see this post, as I am going through a form of registry ennui as well and was glad I’m not the only one! I’m Chinese and my fiancee is Swedish, both of our families do weddings in the tradition of their respective culture (aka, no registry). As the cook of the two of us, there are definitely a few things in the kitchen that would be “nice to have” but that I’ve obviously managed to get on without for some time. Our friends think we should register to give people ideas, but I don’t even want to go through the hassle, especially since it will cater to only half or so of our wedding. So we’ll see if we even come up with one. :)

  • Anonymous

    Absolutely agree. We have everything we need. But the gifts are not about the married couple, it’s about the people giving them and what THEY get out of giving.

    My FMiL pointed that out. People just want to feel like they’re participating, and they also want to have a choice in the way they participate in weddings in a way that has sense and meaning to them.

    It was emphasised when my grandmother expressed disgust at the money idea, as she wants to be remembered for her gift.

  • Balltobe

    I wasn’t excited about registering either. I wasn’t looking forward to walking around a store for hours with a salesperson trying to tell me what I need. BUT I realized last week that you can do the ENTIRE registry process online at many stores! From the comfort of your apartment and without any salespeople! I did all of my registering in a couple of hours without leaving the house. :)

  • Balltobe

    I wasn’t excited about registering either. I wasn’t looking forward to walking around a store for hours with a salesperson trying to tell me what I need. BUT I realized last week that you can do the ENTIRE registry process online at many stores! From the comfort of your apartment and without any salespeople! I did all of my registering in a couple of hours without leaving the house. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17618584062877509919 brandon

    I came across this blog and just thought I'd drop the idea of a registry with the the IDoFoundation.org. They work with thousands of non-profits and registry partners (including us) to help couples receive gifts toward their favorite charities. I hope this information is helpful.

    I encourage you to contact us with any questions about our service.

    Most importantly, enjoy your honeymoon!

    Best Regards,

    Brandon Warner
    President & Co-founder
    Traveler’s Joy Honeymoon Registry
    Traveler’s Joy, Inc.
    http://www.travelersjoy.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15063732941379069718 Angeline

    I love the cook. I love making wish lits of things I want. But I’m torn about this registry thing. I like the ‘idea’ of upgrading our stuff, but hate the idea of throwing our old stuff away. Of course, I would actually donate it to Goodwill but will it just sit there? Can I really part with my winnie the pooh toaster that plays the winnie the pooh theme song when the toast is ready?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11371172824707301749 Cate Subrosa

    We were really averse to the idea of unnecessary upgrading all our belongings, so we went the cash route. Our reasoning was “what we really need is to be able to afford a deposit on our own home, not to fill that home with more stuff.” I’m not sure why, but it felt weird to say that, so we went the ‘donations towards our honeymoon’ route. Thinking about it after reading this, I wonder whether we should have been more honest and admitted the practical reasoning behind our choice.

  • Anonymous

    I know you’re not a fan of honeymoon registries, but I just thought I’d mention that our guests REALLY liked ours. We were able to specify activities, and give pictures and descriptions and we’ll post photos after the honeymoon. So, while the registry is functionally cash, people get to feel like they’re giving specific experiences. Which our travel-happy families really liked–much more meaningful and fun than dishes!

    I’d definitely second what an earlier poster said: registries aren’t really about what you want. They’re about what your guests want to give you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12051581432652556410 Marina

    When we first got engaged, my thought was “I get to marry the guy I love, AND have a big party, AND get gifts??? Best idea ever!” But, uh, yeah, once I actually started looking at registries it became a lot less attractive.

    We’ll probably be upgrading a lot, like everyone else said (especially sheets and towels… mmm, I love me some big fluffy towels…), and probably tech gadgets… but the stuff I’m really excited about is asking people to give us something handmade, or personally meaningful. I’m thinking art made by them or someone they know, a zine of their favorite love poems, a tchatchky they got on their trip to [insert exotic place here] from an artisan who told them it was to ensure fertility and wealth, a menorah or sedar plate, their favorite recipe…

    There’s no real way to put those on a registry, since the whole idea is that they come up with something we never would have thought of, but we at least want to try and emphasize the idea.

  • Anonymous

    i know exactly how you feel! we live in 330 sq ft (happily i might add). we don’t need anything. we want a few things that we could register for. of course we have been saving for a home but i will not ask for cash. i don’t have any fab solution. however, we did come up with an idea that we are excited about. we are “registering” at a couple local shops that sell items made by local artists. one store sells mostly ceramics- scuptural and functional. and the other sells imported fair trade items. that way we can support the type of stores we would like to see more of. also i plan on asking some of my artist friends for a drawing/photo/or painting to adorn our walls.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05478011961273490848 Kelly Seiler

    Instead of doing just a registry you could always ask for help with the wedding. Ask someone to pay for the flowers, the table arrangements, photographer. Use one of the registry sites thats lets you go with multiple stores and put the house things you’d like to get as well as listing 10 table settings quantity 5, flowers for the bride, cost of online photo share site, and other wedding day items. Also, ask for time to help with the wedding setup!

  • Anonymous

    you should totally register for books and cds. or beautiful sheets/towels. it doesn’t have to be all about the dishes. i am i so looking forward to registering, whenever that day comes!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11793117653561745718 amyc

    it’s so heartening to hear others struggling with the same thing. we have yet to tackle the actual registry, but have decided to say up front we really don’t need or want anything, but feel setting up a registry is smart since, like mentioned in so many posts above, people WANT to give (and unless you want 3 toasters and a framed, crochet-bordered copy of your invite), letting others know what you like and what your tastes are, seemed appropriate.

    however, the wording is hard… anyone have any thoughts? we’re putting a link on our website with the statement that we don’t want gifts; that their time or help with the events would suffice; some restaurants we love and then regular registry (rei.com). would love suggestions. thanks!

  • Anonymous

    Hello, We’re thinking of scrapping the whole registry thing and asking for consumables only (ie drink – I’m sure we’ll get some fancy Champagne and the like, and food – ooh, all those posh dried mushrooms, fancy spices and luxuries we’ve never go for on our own!). Not sure how useful that would be if you don’t cook though…
    A

  • http://www.kmsproductions.net Karina

    What about something practical, like gas or grocery gift cards? In my case the gas gift card would be especially helpful because my commute to work is an hour both ways and I have to get gas every couple of days!

  • Doreen

    I am currently registered in two places for a summer wedding. We both went around and about–what’s a down to earth couple to do in the face of a registry?–and finally I decided that it’s okay.
    I’m okay with it for two reasons. First, it gives my relatives direction. We know each other, but not in a daily way. They want direction. They want to succeed. So, I feel good about providing that.
    The other reason I feel good about the registry is that I want everything on it, but if I didn’t get a single gift it would not change my wedding one bit. The true gift to me is my upcoming marriage. Everything else is a bonus!
    And, for the curious, the theme of our registry was Practical Stuff. We registered for garden tools, power tools, camping equipment, and the world full of wool blankets–nothing that we couldn’t or wouldn’t use.

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