A Long Engagment


by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

A Long Engagment | A Practical WeddingWhen I saw Joanna’s fabulous engagement pictures for the first time (and I know you’ve seen them, how great are they?) I was overwhelmed with a feeling of nostalgia… thinking about how exciting it felt to be newly engaged, how over the moon we were with that feeling of shiny new beginnings. The pictures capture that feeling better than I’ve ever seen it captured on film. After looking at the pictures for a few minutes, I realized that we were, after all, still engaged – we had every right to still feel like we were being lifted off the ground by joy and a giant pink balloon.

When I get to the end of the road, I promise to report back to you about what having a 18 month engagement was like in the end… but right now I can just tell you that it feels very long. We’ve been engaged for 10 months, and we have another 8 to go until the wedding. We picked a long engagement mostly because we knew it would help us keep the wedding more affordable, and it has. We were able to book an affordable bay area venue that books up a year and a half in advance. We’ve had time to make the dress. We had time to experiment with doing the flowers. All of this is great. Having extra time can be a great way to get good deals. But there is also something very draining about being in an expectant state of waiting for over a year.

The engagement has ended up being a incredible emotional journey for me, and it hasn’t all been easy, but I’m not sure I would give any of it up. But, I’m happy that we’re beginning to pull out of our mid-engagement slump. Soon it will be just 6 months until the wedding (and the one year anniversary of our engagement all at once). We’ll celebrate, and then, suddenly, the wedding will feel just around the corner, and the excitement will start all over again. At first I was excited to be engaged, I was shocked and thrilled every time I saw that bit of sparkle on my finger. Now, I’m excited by the shiny new thing of marriage at the end of the road (and the extra sparkle I’ll get on my finger then.)

In the meantime, prepare for a few more posts on things like – pretty flowers! pretty vases! pretty programs! As I get myself excited all over again for the event itself.

Did any of you have long engagements? Are any of you in the middle of long engagements? Do you have words of wisdom to share?

Photo by the amazing Max Wanger

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and son.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05955067991628905693 Bookbag

    We had an eighteen month engagement, and I went through the exact same thing — the 10-month doldrums. You’re exactly right about the six month mark: once you get there, it all feels much sooner, and people are getting excited, and the time just flies by.

    Around ten months out, my husband and I stopped talking about the wedding — most of the planning was done — and didn’t resume until about two months out. That really helped because then it didn’t make the wedding planning feel both omnipresent and interminable.

    Hang in there!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03669831201059037034 Leenie

    We’re getting married in less than two weeks, and it has been 25 months of engagement. At this point, we feel like we are already married, just needing thatpiece of paper. The planning is getting a little tedious, pretty much along the lines of “Lets get this thing over wish already.” The wedding isn’t exactly the way I want it, so I just want it over so we can move on.

    I do agree with Rebecca on the feeling of living out the vows already, too.

  • Jennifer M.

    I am facing the beginning of the long engagement – so thank you for the words of advice. We got engaged two weeks ago and have about 21 months till the wedding. I know this time will help us get things in order, save money, etc. But I alternate on days wanting to plan, plan, plan and other days thinking what’s the point – it is so far away!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18109285188206811042 Joanna Goddard

    thank you again, meg! xo joanna

  • Anonymous

    We’ve been engaged 3.5 years. An eternity! We’d set a date but then had to change it due to a cross country move. Now that we finally have our wedding date in stone, venue chosen, dress purchased, etc. I’m extremely antsy for it to just HAPPEN. And we’re *still* NINE MONTHS out. GAAAHHH!!

    The nice part is, we’ve saved money over the course of our engagement and are paying for everything in cash for the wedding. No debt. Which is nice. It’s meant we have additional room in our budget, which is also nice.

    We’ve also had time with each other for nearly 4 years and that’s probably the best part of all. In a sense, we already feel married!

    I think a long engagement has its merits, but it can also make the planning feel a bit endless.

  • Roxanne

    In the end, we will have a 14 month engagement. It does seem long and sometimes I just want to be married already.
    But I’m really glad because planning has taken way longer than we thought. He just graduated college and started teaching and I am still in school, so it’s been good for us to be able to take our time.

  • http://www.chatterberries.com/ Chatterberries

    Long engagement is great for you both of you can make plans for your wedding without rushing up and of course you’ll get to know your partner well.

  • Anonymous

    I have had a difficult time explaining and justifying our two year engagement to our friends and family. The general response is “oh…”, and it seems like it’s thought of as a negative thing. For me, it has been great. Emotionally, my fiance and I have given ourselves the time to work on preparing for marriage and life as one half of a partnership and we are already in a much better and more prepared place than we were when we first got engaged. I am also a design fanatic, and in the first few months the excitement of planning the actual wedding overwhelmed the excitement of GETTING MARRIED, which struck me as totally wrong.

    Now I feel like my head is in the right place and I have become comfortable with our long engagement and the idea of being a wife. Now I can think about all of the planning and designing fun while being firmly committed and excited about the idea of commitment.

    Thank you for talking about the real stuff. Before I found your blog I felt like the only bride-to-be out there with any issues other than which color to dress her bridesmaids in.

  • B

    We’ve been engaged for 18 months now…It will be 2 years by the time we get married (and we actually moved the wedding up an entire year!).

    It’s definitely tough to find the balance between being excited and being overzealous, between feeling overwhelmed and feeling like it’s not worth it, etc.

    I just try to take a step back and not focus too much on the details and try spending time with my fiance that focuses on our relationship, not the wedding.

    Sometimes I regret having such a long engagement, as it’s hard to stay excited for so long. When people ask me how planning is going, I find myself saying “Oh, you know, whatever.” or “Oh, just fine.” instead of gushing over details the way some 6-monthers do.

    I am grateful, though, as we really have found some great deals and have been able to spend so much time on very personal details, something I find lacking in many weddings today.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12051581432652556410 Marina

    We’ll have had a 20 month engagement, and we’re currently at the six month mark. (Holy crap, how did that happen???) We’ve planned to get married for years, but we only started considering ourselves engaged when we settled on a date–which we did when we were both sure we’d manage to graduate college, and then just counted a year out from that. At first Zack scoffed when I wanted to build in a solid year of planning with no giant distractions like graduating and moving halfway across the country, but… it worked out so, so well. I was able to do the very beginning brainstorming stages while procrastinating homework, and it’s only now that Zack is starting to feel settled enough in our new home (and jobs!) to think about wedding stuff. I would have felt SO frustrated and angry if I was trying to do wedding planning while he was, quite reasonably, prioritizing his job search. This way, when he’s had to say, “Can we talk about this next month?” I’ve been able to say “Okay!” without flipping out because of a time crunch.

    Overall I’m just really enjoying being able to take my time. I had a wedding anxiety dream the other night that the wedding was tomorrow and nothing was ready, and as I was waking up I thought to myself, “Why on earth did I plan to do all of those things for the wedding?” and woke up a little more and thought, “Oh yeah, because I’ve still got six months to do it all in.” Whew.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13828739368190632319 K_Streams_Her_C

    We had about 15 months and I wouldn’t take a stitch of it back. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06723466807085189259 V. Wetlaufer

    We’ll also be engaged for 18 months. We’re getting married in June and I am glad for it to be over then. We also wanted to have plenty of time to plan, since I’m also finishing my MFA right now.

    I think it can be exhausting, and it’s easy for everything to become about the wedding.

    I’ll be interested to read your thoughts when you get to the end of your engagement.

    femalehusband.wordpress.com

  • http://www.unrelatedsidenote.com Cindy

    Our wedding is THIS Sunday and despite our 16-month engagement, the wedding can’t come fast enough.

    I’m not nervous, I’m not excited, I’m just ready. I’m 31-years old and I never dreamed of “the day.” I just figured I would have something nice and simple, well …

    Our situation consisted of making the decision and a desire for a romantic Mexican vacation wedding like NOW. We were so excited at the time and wanted to just dive in so we could hold onto that excitement. We’d been together for a long time, owned a home, shared EVERYTHING, it was just another chapter in the book for us.

    That vision evolved into me being the only female grandchild and giving into my family’s wishes for a big wedding, which meant planning and a whole bunch of crap we didn’t want to deal with.

    While we’ve done a really good job of keeping it our own as much as we can, it just needs to be over. Maybe I’ve got the coming-down-to-the-wire blues. Maybe I’m just tired of being consumed by one freaking day. Who knows.

  • http://www.bitsofexistence.com Laura

    We were engaged for about fifteen months before we got married this past September, without any of the distraction of a huge wedding to plan. We got married simply – at the courthouse in blue jeans with our families around. It was how we both wanted it to be, so once the date was set and the small details taken care of, it wasn’t a major focus of our minds.

    I really liked having that time to settle in with one another. Combine finances, make a plan for the future, figure out where we eventually want to settle. We spent the time getting used to being with each other so that by the time we actually got married, it wasn’t a shock or a huge change. It was a nice, smooth transition. :)

    I can definitely see the advantage of a long engagement, especially if you are planning a more “traditional” wedding.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07096276874867366864 Sandra

    Thanks to everyone who wrote a comment! I’m at the beginning of a long engagement and overwhelmed. I’m glad to hear it proved helpful and enjoyable most of the time. It really makes more sense, both fiscally and logistically, but I’m second guessing my decisions and it makes me feel out of sorts. Logically I know it will be better in a few weeks when school starts back up and things are busier, but right now…. ick.

    I think I need to step away from the planning when I start to feel like that. Thankfully with this timeline that’s okay!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15451812082450643407 Miss_To_Mrs

    I, too, have just begun a long engagement – beginning October 17, 2008 and ending on October 10, 2010 (10.10.10!!!) I am still in the “what is that sparkle on my finger?!” stage. We are moving in together this month and we’re starting to feel like newlyweds, instead of just “newly engaged”. For us, the planning process is just another topic of interest, rather than consuming our entire world, and I love that. We haven’t lost our identities to the Bride and Groom label. :-) Also, financially, I feel we are so much more stable, so that we can have the details we want without worrying about overwhelming anyone’s pockets all at once.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11710312646500735895 Dana

    I, too loved our long engagement. I think it’s the way to go if you need to save some extra moolah. But baby, you’re almost there!! It’s gonna fly by now! Enjoy every minute.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10441798371617926431 kaitlin

    We are in eight months out of a…*counting in head*…30 month engagement. Goodness, that sounds sooooooo long.

    We were engaged after only six weeks of dating. Initially it was going to be only 18 months, but financial troubles and the completion of my degree pushed it back a little bit.

    I’m completely thrilled with the date we’ve chosen, but I think our two flower girls are a bit on the anxious side (“When do we get to practice? How many times?” ever. so. cute.)

    I remember a few months before we got engaged (before we started dating), my cousin saying something to the effect of “what the heck is the point o being engaged if you’re not going to get married for x-years?”. I think I can echo a few of you in saying that it prepares you that much more for marriage. I don’t begrudge anyone who was only engaged for six months–in fact, I wish you the best of luck finding vendors! But, everyone is different.

    For us, after six weeks, we knew we were meant to be as husband and wife, partners in crime. But, we also knew that there was a lot of logistical stuff and growing we had to do as a couple.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07650975353236408889 DIANE

    Thanks for all the comments. I am at the beginning stages of what may be a very long engagement. At first I was dissapointed when my fiance said he wanted a long engagement. I think that dissapointment came from the fact I was excited about making a wedding, not because I couldn’t wait to get married. I think I am in a better frame of mind now and although we don’t have a date set yet (it won’t be in the next couple of years) this time will allow us to start planning for a life together, not just one fancy day.

    Thanks for your blog, its a real joy.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08921831777682472625 You can call me Yell

    We have a 24 month long engagement for exactly the reason you do. It feels long, but it’ll be here before we know it! :]

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07378406956444465557 Mandy Sue

    I’m also a long engagement girl. We just got engaged last month and will be getting married June 2010! Since we just started, I’m still very much in the planning mode. We still have to book our venue and vendors and such.

    I definitely have a feeling though, that after about 6 to 8 months in, we’ll hit that slow spot. And I can totally see myself answering people questions about the planning with a, “oh, you know. Fine.”

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00189907064905158056 Erica

    Currently in month 17 of a 20-monther. While I would have loved to be married months ago, I wouldn’t have been prepared to have a wedding. A marriage, yes. A wedding, no. I am appreciating the time as I am not the most decisive person in the world (except when it comes to picking my man!)

  • Red

    My fiancĂŠ and I have been engaged 8 months after dating for 7 years (we’re 25 and didn’t want to get engaged too young) and haven’t started planning the wedding yet and don’t have a date.

    Neither of us or our parents are religious so there’s no pressure from that perspective and we’re more interested in saving up for a place to live, as we’re currently renting and house prices where we live are astronomical. We’ve lived together for 3 years already, share expenses, and have devoted ourselves to each other without the overhead of a ceremony.

    I guess I’m confused what would be the cause of engagement doldrums. You can be just as together now as you will be after the ceremony.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02562415667946656537 BEL

    We got engaged in October 2007. We’re getting married Sept 2010. Oh yea – that’s 35 months! INSANE!! It’s all because I chose to go to a grad program across the country from him. Options were few…we didn’t know where he’d be…I’ll spare you the details. It’s been so tough and it seems even thougher knowing I’m only halfway through this program. But we wanted to be married when we could actually be together, to make it a celebration of us finally living together too. So, such is life. Sept 2010. The proposal was a huge shock but it feels so fantastic to have something for sure, concrete and happy to look forward to.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11428554394228794484 Jennifer

    We had an 18 month engagement. It was perfect for us. On the thrid night of our honeymoon I did break down in tears…cause i realized 18months had dissolved into 10 hours…and that it was all over. But looking back (now three months after the wedding) 18 months was perfect, nothing ever felt rushed and the last 10 weeks…just flew by!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16787392184686950891 Autumn

    I’m only going to be engaged for a total of 11 months when it’s all said and done, and it feels long to me! We were just really ready to be married a while before we were even engaged (had to wait a while for the ring) and now it just feels a bit “hurry up and wait.” If we hadn’t needed the time to save up for the wedding we probably would have been engaged much shorter, but then reality hit. I’m excited about the wedding but I’m much more excited about what will follow, so I’m just kind of ready for it to get here. I’m definitely in the “oh, not much going on” camp when talking about it these days.

    The time has been, as many others have said, wonderful to think and plan and save and find great deals. And I’ve learned a lot about my FI and myself through the planning process, which I would not trade for the world. We’re a stronger couple because of it.

  • Anne O.

    Hi Meg,

    We are so in the same spot, almost exactly on the same timeline as you. We’ve been engaged now for 10 months–hey, exactly 10 months today! And we have another 6 1/2 or so to go. I was just thinking that in march we’ll be celebrating our 1 year engagement anniversary, and then we’ll still have 5 months left!

    Ours is long because we are both grad students paying for this thing out of our own pockets so we had to save up.

    Our wedding planning comes and goes. I was so over it for a while and almost felt confused when someone new to our engagement would say “congratulations!” We had all the big stuff done and the little things seemed too far away to talk about.

    Recently I had a second wind where all these ideas for the day-of details poured out. But the new semester started today so I don’t think we’ll do much of anything in earnest again until spring break when I hope to mail out our invitations.

    Anyhow, I agree with another commenter that this is a nice time to work out a lot of other things. We moved in together in August and it was rough at first, but it’s smoothing out. So it’s nice to have that out of the way NOW rather than deal with it after the honeymoon.

    Best of luck to you. It’ll be here for both of us before we can blink again!

  • http://mooimadeit.com/ mooimadeit.com

    We got engaged on NYE 2008 and are planning on having our wedding at the end of April 2010 so that will be a 14 month engagement.

    I also said when I was younger that when I got married, I would have a very short engagement because every day leading up to the wedding you would be thinking about it. That was of course, before it occurred to me that someone would have to pay for it!

    Many of my friends, when they have asked when we plan on getting married and we say ‘next year’, think it’s so far away. But I told my Korean friend and she exclaimed ‘oh in Australia do they have very short engagements?’ and said that in Korea they are engaged for 3 or 4 years before getting married!

    We have been together for almost 7 years, and have been living together for 4, so I don’t mind a 14 month engagement if it means we won’t feel rushed and we will be able to get things just right. And be able to save up some more for it! Would like to do it all without going into debt thank you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06496768444775791868 Charise

    29 month engagement – 20 months down, 9 to go. At first it was great because I could just take care of something whenever I felt like it. Then I pretty much forgot about the wedding entirely and would get suprised when someone would congratulate me on the engagement. But now that I’m in a time frame where more smaller details can be planned (and created, I’m DIYing much of the wedding), I am really excited again and just want it to be here so we can be MARRIED. And go to Italy.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05955067991628905693 Bookbag

    Dear Red –

    Just to clarify, when I said I had the engagement doldrums, I wasn’t referring to any problem with either feeling engaged or the relationship itself. Things were tres bien with the fiancĂŠ and our relationship. I meant that after ten months of wedding planning, I was so over talking about the wedding (especially the guest list. Oh, the guest list.)

    But on a positive note, a long engagement does save you money for sure and maybe some stress:)

  • Kirsten

    I’m over 6 months into 28 month engagement. We decided that planning a wedding and a European honeymoon just wasn’t possible in a single year, plus we needed time to save money. I’m sure by the end of it I will be tired of waiting, but I think we made the right choice.

    The hardest part is really when we tell people our date, and they have a negative, disappointed look on their face, as if it were a terrible thing to be engaged for so long. They always ask why.

    I go in spurts – sometimes I’m really excited and buying wedding magazines and planning every little detail. Other moments I feel tired of it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00029416835245576093 Emilia Jane

    I’m about to start a very loooong engagement. So long I can’t see the end of it. We want to pay for everything ourselves which means saving $$$ to spend so lord knows how long that will take. When we have the cash we’ll set the date.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09526722516550185150 Meg

    Oh, All,

    Whoops! I should have clarified… we will have been together 5 years when we get married, and will have known each other 14, and lived together for 2, and as-good-as lived together for 4. So, we’re not really using our engagement to get to know each other better, though I can see how that would be really helpful. We are using it for a bunch of emotional work, as well as logistical planning, which is nice.

    But still. Some days 18 months feels like a long *ss time.

    Meg

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11896100527958684720 Christine

    When I got engaged in December of last year, I was telling people I’d be married that summer.

    But we waited until my fiance got a job, and unfortunately, that took 7 excruciating months. It was eventually nine months later that we set a date. I have never been more frustrated in my entire life by a question. “So, when’s the date?”

    We will be married in April, 2009, 16 months after we got engaged. Everyone I’ve ever known has said “keep the engagement short” and so that weighed heavy on my mind as the months went on.

    But in the end, the length of our engagement has been perfect. Everyone is different (surprise, surprise), and so too should be our weddings. There is no ‘right way’ to do it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07789429943242399554 professional daydreamer

    our engagement is only 12 months, but we had a long pre-engagement period which will stretch the knowingly-waiting-for-the-wedding part to twenty-nine months. i’ve been wearing a ring for almost that entire time. we just didn’t officially announce it as an engagement to give his very distant family some time to get to know me as me and not rebound-girl-who-they-met-once. it’s driving me crazy, especially with my fiance stuck overseas for the year. he tries to be involved in the process and the planning and the decision-making and the shopping, but none of that makes up for not being able to see him and talk to him and touch him in person. i’ve never liked planning parties to begin with. his absence just makes it worse.

  • Amy

    Our engagement will last approximately 20 months when it is all said and done. Jonathon asked me to marry him before we moved to NC. I’ve only been planning for 9 months. The first couple of months after he asked I was completely trapped in moving, work, and graduation plans for the both of us. Once we moved and I started planning in earnest in late May.

    However, our wedding is Dec 18th! About 11 months from now. I’m just excited to be under a year away.

    I don’t have really any advise, but I ado agree with you. Planning that far in advance spells out a great value. We have managed to book most of our vendors for great rates. Most of our decorations I got half price post Christmas during sales. I got a great 50% deal at Peculiar Pair Press. I managed to change and rearrange things so that our budget is coming in at just over $8200.

    $8200! Yeah, I know. It’s been crazy at times, and I am ready for the year to come and go and get this done. It’s tiring… emotionally to plan this long.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05566605911394876054 miss button

    I am at the start of a 17 month engagement. Actually, I’m 3 months into it. Which is almost a little scary. My sister is getting married in 18(!) days, so not much energy has gone to ours yet. In fact, we haven’t even managed an engagement party…
    But we’re looking at our first venue on Friday, and can’t want to do some serious planning.
    With a whole heap of DIY planned (tentatively), I think the time will be well used!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04186503079519108010 Ruthie

    We will have had a total of 21 months engagement, and though I appreciate the extra time to spend money, and do DIY stuff, it does seem like forever, I’m mostly just putting off any of the planning for awhile…I’ll worry about it when it’s a year off (The plan is to marry in July 2010)

  • Sarah

    We’re two months in to what we hope will only be a 16-month engagement. Maybe longer. My mom is hassling me because she and my dad got married within six months of their first date. (And they’re still married!) But at the same time, she thinks we should wait to get married until we are both millionaires. Ah, moms.

    I have a friend who was engaged for six years – one of those high school sweetheart, let’s get married when we’re both out of school things. I don’t think any of us really believed the wedding was going to happen until it was over and she started signing things with her new last name.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10648725099262152263 AmyJean {Relentless Bride}

    I’ve got a 23 month engagement. Now that i’m at the 14 month mark, with almost 2 months til i can book the venue i’m hoping for, i’ve spent some time enjoying the engagement casually brainstorming ideas… and now i’m ready to BOOK BOOK BOOK :) I love long engagements! :)

    RelentlessBride

  • Anonymous

    I have a long engagement too- engaged after just 3 weeks of dating in 2007 (we moved in at this point and the question was asked/answered). The original wedding was set for fall 09. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control- we have had to push the wedding back another year.

    I’m no longer excited about being engaged. It’s sort of old news now. (Not the fiance obviously, he’s wonderful). Sometimes I wonder if there is a point in having a wedding, after a three year engagement?!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11371172824707301749 Cate Subrosa

    I thought maybe you were getting into a bit of an overly-long-engagement funk back there, so I’m glad to hear you’re looking well and truly forward now :)

  • http://lovestained.wordpress.com jenifriend in kansas

    My HTB and I have been engaged since August 2008 and are getting married April 2010; that’s 20 months being engaged if I’m right with my math. No advice for you just yet, as I am only five months in…but I do know that I am enjoying learning the ropes of what it takes to be a wife and working on those efforts…it’s never too early to start!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03169782994030690540 Jodie

    I, too, had a long engagement (3 years!). But when it was all said and done, we had a beautifully flawless wedding and wonderful memories to go with it.

    At the beginning we planned a lot, but then we went through a period of time where we didn’t really do ANYTHING because there was just so much time. But this was a great period to really make sure everything that had be so far was really in place and what we wanted. We were able to change some things around and then really hammer out the plans the last few months before the wedding… and it was just as hectic as brides who have short engagements,I’m sure!

    Good luck with everything!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13620797927505404645 Kayla Hewitt

    Wow! I thought I had a long engagement (13 months) until I started reading some of the comments.

    Although I had a few moments of impatience (asking my fiancee if we could move the wedding up to January instead of July!), in the end, I was really happy with the length of our engagement. It gave me plenty of time to plan without getting stressed out. A lot of my friends who had much shorter engagements were crazy stressed during the month and week leading up to their wedding, but I was very calm. It was wonderful!

    That being said, I personally could not have done a longer engagement. Of course, my fiancee and I were committed to waiting for marriage to have sex, so that factored into my impatience. :)

    I will NEVER say anything negative to others about the length (long or short) of their engagement, though. I got so tired of hearing, “13 months! You’re going to be so sick of wedding planning by the time the wedding gets here.” Or, perhaps more often, “You and your fiancee are going to get in so many fights while you’re engaged.” The first statement was only partially true and the second completely false.

  • Monica

    My wedding is at the end of May and on that day my fiance and I will have been engaged for over two years (25 months)! Life factors just set the date for us because this past spring he was super busy with medical school and I was super busy with grad school. But this May we will both graduate, get married, and then have the whole month of June off to honeymoon and settle in before he starts his residency.

    It was weird back in 2007 when we got engaged to think of our wedding so far away in the distant year of 2009. So 2009 sorta developed this special meaning for me and now that I’m actually writing dates with 09 I get this little happy feeling of excitement.

    I have struggled with two extremes – trying to not let the wedding get too built up after all this time thinking and talking about it but then at the same time not being too relaxed and putting off the action part of the planning.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13620744136486468573 Cayt

    Oh gosh, I’m about a half a month in to what will promise to be …(thinking about it)… a 2.5 year engagement. I think I might go crazy. But the people I care about most in terms of being there…they will need the time to make up the money for the tickets. (I mean seriously, who has enough money to both take care of and then subsequently fly yourself, a wife, and four kids across country!!)

    And anyways the idea of getting married in 2010 is…FREAKY. I mean, we’ve been together for 5 years, so it’s not the commitment that’s scary. It’s just all the *work* XD

    So we figure, if we get a significant amount of planning done we might bump it up. I’m wary what such a long engagement will do to us, but I’m fully confident we’ll weather the storm. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02926024435626167139 Melanie

    I will have had an 18-month engagement…we’re now 5 months from the big day, and now it’s mostly dealing with the little details. It’s really nice that we had those first months to be excited, book the big stuff, and generally have all of the “musts” accounted for. I took a few months off of planning, and now I’m doing the easy-yet-annoying things like booking transportation, hotels, etc., but if I didn’t have the big stuff out of the way already, including center pieces, I would be freaking out now. Instead I am just getting more and more excited every day (and every time I get to cross something off the to-do list!). It also really helps to have been able to save the money and have the wedding we really wanted (and it’s definitely a small budget we’re talking about).

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04179575162026649933 Mollie

    You say nostaglia, I say jealously. You are lucky! I feel like being engaged is so special and we really need to remember it. Because Mark and I never got to celebrate, I feel like we forever missed out on something. That feeling sucks. We just have to remember that the whole point is to spend the rest of our lives with each other and the best is yet to come :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12681177170084168683 Sarah and Phyl

    We’re having a three and a half year engagement. I know it’s kind of crazy. We got engaged almost fifteen months ago. The reason for the length is that we were still sophomores in college when he proposed, and we wanted to wait till after graduation to get married, especially since I go to school 4 hours away. Since I graduate in 2010 and he graduates 2011, that puts our wedding in June 2011. In a way, it’s nice, because we have a lot of time to think about things and plan how to do things ourselves (my mom is already thinking about running trials in the attempt to grow our own flowers). On the other hand, it’s definitely strange, because we’ve been engaged so long, but there’s still so long to the wedding, it doesn’t really feel that much different than just dating anymore, since we aren’t doing a lot of active planning yet, if that makes sense. So it’s definitely hard to keep that excitement, and I’m hoping it will come back once we start really planning. And this is a very long comment, so I will stop rambling =).

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12681177170084168683 Sarah and Phyl

    and, after reading the other comments, it’s nice to know that i’m not the only one with a 3+ year engagement.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00221846496316618871 Kate

    This is way after the fact because I just discovered this blog, but I am about 2 months into an 18-month engagement. However the actual wedding planning will feel like 12 months to me, as I am finishing a year studying abroad. Out of necessity, my fiance booked the chapel and has been in touch with our reception site, but most everything else is waiting until I get home this summer. It’s hard because I am antsy to really start but trying to let myself enjoy my time over here (Italy) – but I think our engagement is the perfect length and I wouldn’t change it! I love the congrats and knowing it’s going to happen, and I’ve been collecting inspiration since even before we were engaged, but I think I am going to get hit by the reality again once I am home!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11233922592800142200 lily

    i’m in the middle of a 17 month engagement…and i love it.
    while i do have a practical reason for doing so (taking the bar exam midway through the engagement) i am glad that we have time to slow down. and think. and create. it makes it very special and we’re working through “kinks” that most of my married friends didn’t encounter until their first few years of marriage.

  • Anonymous

    We’ll have a 20-month engagement after celebrating our 5-year dating anniversary :) We’ve lived together 3 of the 5 years and we’re paying for 100% (cash) of the wedding ourselves. I’m a graphic designer and dead-set on a 10.10.10 wedding (our theme is typography).