Comments on: Addressing Wedding Invitations (and staying a feminist)

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 22 May 2012 21:22:38 +0000

Oof! I just went through and asked each person how they liked to be addressed. Only 100 people being invited, but it still took forever.

Even the older people seem to be coming over to the “Jean and Bob McPerson” or “Mr. and Mrs. Bob and Jean McPerson” rather than the older style stuff. It made me happy!

By: Dawn Sheggeby

Dawn Sheggeby — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 04:22:25 +0000

BUT REALLY – AN IMPORTANT QUESTION:
Do you all think I have to say “Mr. and Mrs. Chuck and Sue Sassy”?

Or can I say “Mrs. and Mr. Sue and Chuck Sassy?”

why does the Mr always get to be first? just because it sounds “right”?

By: Dawn Sheggeby

Dawn Sheggeby — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 04:18:40 +0000

I actually have a neighbor whose last name is Sasse…but he’s not that cool…

By: Dawn Sheggeby

Dawn Sheggeby — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 04:10:02 +0000

Fred- get with the 20th century program, at least, if not the 21st – just because I MIGHT agree to take my new spouse’s surname doesn’t mean I’m giving up my whole identity, including my first name! This is a tradition that maybe makes sense for ladies over 60 who still feel follow this tradition, but for any modern woman – it does not!

I have this argument with my boss (a very proper gentleman) all the time: I think you’ll find any woman under 50 would be offended by this title, rather than feeling like she was branded a widow!
–DS

By: Dawn Sheggeby

Dawn Sheggeby — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 03:55:59 +0000

Thank you thank you. I am 46 years old and I am getting married for the first time. I have proudly called myself a feminist since I was 10 (thanks mom!). I want my invites to be formal, fancy, and FAIR. Thanks for being the first site (after perusing dozens) to tell me how to do that!

PS My mom had a little needlepoint shop in the 80s. Women would sign up on her mailing list – “Mrs. Joe Blow.” She’d look at that and say “Do YOU have a name?” and they would say, sometimes shyly, “well, yes.” And she’d say – “Can I USE it?”

your fan,
Dawn

By: Fred P.

Fred P. — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 22:47:22 +0000

It’s very simple to address an invitation or other formal correspondence to two medical doctors who are married and who share the same surname:
“The Doctors Johnson”

If two medical doctors are married and use different surnames, or if they are not married:
“Dr. Jane Jones and Dr. James Johnson”

The situation is a bit less clear for persons who have earned a Ph.D. or other doctoral-level degree. It’s probably best to ask them how they prefer to be addressed.

By: Fred P.

Fred P. — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 22:26:19 +0000

Here’s a tidbit that will undoubtedly annoy many of you: it is absolutely INCORRECT to address a married woman as Mrs. followed by her given (first) name, regardless of whether she follows it with her maiden name or her husband’s surname. “Mrs. Ellen Parker” implies that Ellen was previously married and is now divorced!

For the past thousand years or so, married women in almost every country (at least predominatly Christian countries) have been referred to as “Mrs. John Joe”. Feminists and liberals get hot and bothered about this, but the reason for the tradition is really very simple. In just about every Christan marriage, the woman vows to leave her parents and join the man to form a new family (“Do you take this man…”). This is signified when the bride’s father “gives away” the bride; her father is giving her to the husband, and she leaves her family to form a new one with her husband.

Taking her husband’s surname does NOT mean that she becomes his property, like a goat or a car! She is simply making a choice: to leave her parents and form a new family with hubby, thereby forging a new life together. If you want to call that choice “regressive” then I guess you have the right to call it that — but I don’t think that most brides make this choice because someone is holding a gun to their head.

The situation is, of course, different for those practicing the Jewish faith, as their concept of marriage involves a contractual “merger” of the two families — rather than the bride leaving her family to join the husband’s.

For those poor souls who have no faith or aren’t sure, then I suppose anything goes. And this probably explains the vast confusion regarding how to address married women in today’s modern world.

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:05:45 +0000

I’ve got an issue with addressing invitations to my fiance’s friends and their wives. Since I don’t know them well, I don’t know if they’ve hyphenated or just slid their old last name over to the middle name field. I’m relying on facebook to help me figure out if there is in fact a hyphen, or just two separate names. I am assuming that if they are without hyphen that means that have done the middle name change thing, and I am leaving their new middle name off the invitation, because I’m not putting other people’s middle names on invitations. But I feel conflicted about this, because, as someone who will not be changing my name, I know I will be angry when I receive my first piece of married mail to Mrs. _____. Any advice? Can I rely on facebook to be accurate on people’s name preference?

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:38:15 +0000

This is so helpful, thank you. I have been struggling with all the same issues!

My one remaining question — with no inner envelope, how do you indicate that a single friend can bring a guest? Can you really not put “and guest” on the outer envelope?

By: Katie

Katie — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 16:56:16 +0000

I have decided to use your suggested Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Jane Blow. What do I do with Jr. or III? Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Jane Blow, Jr.? Does this difference necessitate they be listed separetely? Mr. Joe Blow, Jr. and Mrs. Jane Blow? Thanks!