I’m really thrilled to give you the story of Rebecca and Thom’s wedding. Rebecca was one of my very first readers almost a year ago, and having kept track of her story for all these months, it’s so personally heartening to me to get to share her wedding day – complete with a shared family dress. So without further ado, Rebecca, Thom, and the matching…
Thom and Rebecca Bedford, Massachusetts — October 2008
There are few occasions where our loved ones gather en masse to mark the time in our life. As one of my college professors said, it is usually when people “hatch, match, and dispatch.” Matching is the only time that we’re cognizant of the celebration in our honor, so Thom and I decided to have an “open mic” ceremony, and asked those gathered to sanctify the ceremony with their thoughts and insight into love, marriage, and families. Although it was a little stressful because we did not know if anyone would feel comfortable enough speak, many did and it created a uniquely joyful experience!
Through some unexpected circumstances, I also DIY-ed our “Harvest Bowl” centerpieces. I was determined to cut down on waste and got it in my head that cut flowers were too wasteful for our shindig, so I eventually decided that a fall-themed fruit and vegetable bowl was the only centerpiece that would make me happy. We used cranberries as a base and added clementines, yellow and orange jalepenos, gourds and mini pumpkins. They were spectacularly easy, inexpensive, beautiful, and vibrant. Guests took each one home and enjoyed them for weeks, if not months, later!Thrifty
A baker friend of ours, who is constantly ready for a new challenge, baked and decorated a small, two-tiered, heart-shaped spicy chocolate cake on top of a tower of cupcakes in three different flavors. One of the bridesmaids tracked down a version of Rihanna’s “Umbrella” for the piano, which she sang beautifully at the ceremony, accompanied by another bridesmaid on the piano.
I wore my sister’s dress, although when I called it “her” dress, my sister corrected me — “you mean our dress.” It did not fit my body shape in the way I wanted, so a seamstress and I devised a close-fitting jacket and it had a great effect on changing the waistline, or at least deflecting attention off of my hips! The dress truly reflected my personal values. It symbolizes my friends and family supporting the next chapter of my life, where I will perpetuate and create my own family’s traditions — beginning with the heirloom my sister and I created.Sane
The first thing that kept me sane is that I had those important conversations with people I love. Everyone has their own perceptions about who you should marry, how you should marry, and when you should marry. Those emotions are theirs alone — they have nothing to do with the bride herself — and yet they can make a bride miserable. Have those conversations! They may be difficult, but they are necessary — if not, you may be repeating the same dysfunctional pattern long after the wedding is over!
Oh yes, and I learned how to let go. When the florist didn’t understand my floral vision a week before the wedding, I settled my expectations low so I would not be disappointed on the day of the wedding. When I discovered — at the rehearsal — that the organist a family member insisted on hiring is less familiar with the organ than anyone thought, I chuckled; it was sort of endearing. I knew, too, that I am the only person who can ruin my wedding — by letting the small stuff get to me — and as long as Thom and I were married at the end of the day, it was going to be the best day of my life (so far!). I am happy to report that it was!