Before I was a blogger, I was still a sassy writer who needed an outlet, and I used to belong to a six person, inspired by Television Without Pity, American Idol email group/ snark fest*. One of the best most cutting writers in the group was my friend M.G., who recently started a blog To Each Her Own about living in Texas and planning a gay wedding. Good times, those. Most of the LGBT weddings I’ve featured on this site were weddings that took place in accepting urban communities, but goodness knows that’s not always the case. I think it's important to remember the ways in which being gay can be hard, so we remember why equal rights are tangibly important. So, today I'm quoting M.G. on just how much fun it really is planning a lesbian wedding in small town Texas:
When we announced our engagement, we were greeted with many congratulations, a few comments I'd like to block from my mind, and a ton of questions. Some were clearly jokes (So are you going to stand in a circle and hold hands?), but when I heard "So, like, are you like, the bride or the groom?" for the tenth time, I realized that maybe explaining a gay wedding was not as easy as I hoped it would be.
Here are the top four questions I've gotten that make me want to slap the person who asked it with a bouquet of calla lilies and call them an idiot:
1. So, can you actually do this here?
No, we can't and thank you oh so much for reminding us. And before you ask-- Yes, we were planning on going to California, but... we all know how that turned out.
Who cares though? (We do, but let us pretend we don't care about our civil rights for a few seconds) We still want a kick ass celebration of our love and a damn good excuse to look pretty and party!
2. Are you both wearing dresses? Cause I mean, you're kind of butch.
I'm chubby- not butch and there is a difference, but thanks for trying. We are both wearing dresses. It is a personal choice, and many different couples choose different things.
3. So how am I gonna know who is the bride and who is the groom?
Well, seeing as there are two women-- there is no groom. I find this is the answer that makes peoples heads explode. They cannot grasp this notion.
4. Are your colors going to be rainbow?
No. And never speak that question again, or I will not be responsible for my actions.
So, go swing by To Each Her Own. Girlfriend needs to chat with some people who will NOT ask her these questions...
*Bragging rights: I absolutely won our very complex American Idol pool that year. The key: always underestimate the American (Idol voting) public.
Wow. I can’t believe people ask those questions.
At least they’re trying to understand. (Or, at least I hope that’s why they’re asking the questions.)
I am still bewildered it’s not legal below the border. It’ll happen one day, I’m sure of it.
March 12, 2009 5:45 am
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I’m dying! First of all, I love that you snarked about AI. Clearly, underestimation is the key. Clearly.
Second: “I’m chubby- not butch and there is a difference, but thanks for trying.” Ha! I love it.
March 12, 2009 6:53 am
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Wow..the ignorance is shocking! Love her answers to those questions though…made me chuckle. As Krista (Canadian Bride) says, it will happen, hopefully sooner rather than later. Until then, us Canadians will support gays and lesbians in the fight!
March 12, 2009 8:06 am
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hehehe – she is snarktastic! Thanks for sharing!
March 12, 2009 10:27 am
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I can believe that people are that dumb … but its still really unfortunate. Thanks for posting and I can’t wait to read through all of M.G.’s blog.
March 12, 2009 11:20 am
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I guess asking questions (even very silly/offensive ones) is better than silently judging and making no attempt to understand. Not that it makes it any easier to deal with. I’ll be popping over to visit her blog – thanks!
March 12, 2009 11:22 am
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thanks for posting, meg. you rule.
xox
March 12, 2009 1:19 pm
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“I’m chubby but not butch” might be the highlight of my day.
March 12, 2009 1:50 pm
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Unbelieveable!!! I would be honored to officiate ANY wedding or commitment ceremony of two people truly in love!!! Here in Florida and also New England, I have worked with so many wonderful couples, who have shown me what commitment and true love means. Have a look at my blog http://lovingunity.blogspot.com and also http://TampaBayAreaWeddings.blogspot.com and you will see some great photos of the commitment ceremonies I officiated in Florida. As far as I know, Love Knows No Gender………
God Bless……
March 13, 2009 8:00 am
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Oh my god, I hated getting all those questions when my wife and I got married. People who were close friends started asking questions I thought were basic info that they should know a long long time ago. Oie.
March 17, 2009 8:34 am
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Why would someone be confused that there was no groom?? Huh? Some people have no tact.
March 19, 2009 8:52 am
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Ha ha ha ha. Oh, dear. Sometimes there is no accounting for narrow-mindedness. I hope your party is fantastic. xo
March 21, 2009 2:16 pm
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