What an incredible post. I have found your blog and advice inspirational. My partner and I are getting married in ma – at the state house itself. We want to celebrate our commonwealth for it’s inclusion all marriage equality and will use an except from Goodridge, a statement on our program and ask contributions to HRC. I also love including a passage on the three parties of a civil marriage – the state and two consenting individuals.

Cheers to you and your courage- it’s a badass to be a straight ally and to especially stand up to the irrational thoughts of pre progrmaed bride zillas

Including
- she had to promise to obey her husband and listen to him, he just had to promise to treat her “Tenderly”
- when the pastor talked about their goals and their life together- it was all about the groom and his career.
- marriage was a covenant between a man, a woman, and God (mentioned several times)
- they were encouraged never to discuss any of their problems with anyone else (this was creepy)
- “who gives Julie to be Ben’s wife?”, the father responded I do.
- the first year of marriage is always about servitude

I was squirming in my seat the whole time because this was so against everything I believe, but I stayed because of social pressure (to walk out would be rude). I was engaged at the time and I thought if this is what marriage means, I’m done I don’t want any part of it. To sum it up, it was incredibly against my moral beliefs.

For the sake of your progressive guests, it would be great if your ceremony was not like this. Sometimes Christians think they are doing things that wouldn’t offend anyone, but in reality are extremely offensive. I am not saying you are this way. ON THE OTHER HAND it is your marriage and your wedding and you should do what you want having a ceremony that reflects you and your values. After all, if you are entering a commitment- you should be crystal clear about the type of commitment you are entering.

That is why we feel the need to include something about marriage equality in our wedding. I feel extremely hypocritical participating in a legal right that not everyone has. I feel like if I don’t mention it- people may think or may feel that somehow I’ve agreed to the status quo- because I’ve agree to enter into the institution. I want to make sure that for at least that day, people know what marriage means to me, what our commitment is to each other, and the roles we intend to play out.

I hope this makes sense and thanks for listening.

Meg was just asking what other gestures can be made on our wedding days for marriage equality…

The problem that we experience so often is that for people that do not know any gay people, they have no interest in voting against the legislation. Regardless of how conservative or liberal they may be. But if we can point out our amazing friends, who have helped make our day wonderful, devoted their time and effort, and have enriched our lives even though they have no legal rights to the same luxuries, maybe our families will understand. They will then have a personal connection to aide them when it comes time to vote yea or nay. For our upcoming wedding, we wouldnt even think about subtly placing a sentence in the program defining our beliefs. We will be making a loud and proud toast right in the middle of the reception, where we will tell everyone how much we love and cherish our gay friends that are present (and in committed relationships mind you, supporting and loving us despite our unequal rights being flaunted right in front of their faces), and how much we need everyone’s help to earn them the same rights that we now enjoy.

Our outspoken-ness may not appeal to everyone, and it may not be for every couple out there, but we feel that it needs to be done in our circumstances.

Next to the table with our programs, I am placing a small basket full of the above-mentioned white knots. Next to that will be a small table tent that says what the knots symbolize, and that we will donate $1 to the HRC for each guest wears a ribbon in support of marriage equality.

People who don’t want to wear one don’t have to; people who do wear one know that their show of support will be matched financially.

Any guests who find the gesture distasteful can go F themselves, and should they speak up, will just as politely be told as such. I don’t need their teacups.

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO TIE THE KNOT
The White Knot is the symbol for marriage equality. All loving couples deserve the same legal rights, benefits, and respect that civil marriage bestows. Please wear a White Knot to show your support for marriage equality, and full equal rights under the law for everyone.
WE BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE EQUALITY

The majority of our guests, both straight and gay, happily pinned on a white knot. Some guests did not, and we respect their choice. Some guests came to ask us about the ribbons we were wearing, and we were happy to explain what the white knots symbolized. My husband and I thought it was beautiful to see so many of our loved ones wearing this symbol of support on their lapels, and love how it was captured in our photographs.

More important to me, was how my parents, siblings and nieces (ages 12 – 4) sat with my husband and me the night before our wedding and helped us cut the ribbons and tie the white knots. At first, my Dad (a very conservative Christian missionary) thought “marriage equality” meant the husband and wife would be equals in their marriage. I pulled up the whiteknots.org website and explained what marriage equality meant to us. I was worried he would be offended and walk out, but he just said a quiet, “Oh.” and then went back to helping my young nieces tie knots. That memory is priceless to me.

I think a wedding is the perfect place to say something. How many times do people say: ‘It’s your wedding. Do what YOU want.” I can make a statement if I want. My sister who is my best friend is gay. Other friends are gay.

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the inequalities in our world. Do religious people stop themselves from offending atheists when they pray and invoke god at all their events? Do old-fashioned people stop saying words like “submit” and “obey” in their vows for fear of offending progressive people. They don’t give it one thought. So, why should we? After all, it’s “OUR” day. Let’s celebrate us and celebrate everyone who wants to be married!!

This site is life-affirming. THANK YOU!

I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

Long story short – religion tells us to speak up for what is right, not be quite because we are afraid of offending people with truth.

Meg