I, too, have been mostly shielded from this as my fiance and I both know that we want to do thing our own way.

Aside from some folks wondering why we’re getting married so soon (within 10 weeks! Oh the horror!) and even making some crass jokes–’are you pregnant?’, most have been supportive and excited for us. The most exposure we’ve had to the WIC has been my mother, who insisted that I have long hair, a makeup artist, a long gown, and a reception dress (she has since left me alone after I’ve made my choices clear), and, interestingly, from an underling of my fiance’s, who expressed her shock at my not having a diamond engagement ring.

Mostly, I’m grateful that the two of us are doing things our way, as authentically as possible, without anyone telling us how or when to do anything. If we want to serve popcorn during our ceremony, which is being held in an art-movie theater, so be it!

Your website = best find ever in all of our wedding planning (okay, aside from maybe the Etsy dressmaker who’s putting my wedding outfit together).

I, too, have been mostly shielded from this as my fiance and I agreed almost immediately that we’d do this our own way, and no one else’s.

Aside from some folks wondering why we’re getting married so soon (within 10 weeks! Oh the horror!) and even making some crass jokes–’are you pregnant?’, most have been supportive and excited for us. The most exposure we’ve had to the WIC has been my mother, who insisted that I have long hair, a makeup artist, a long gown, and a reception dress (she has since left me alone after I’ve made my choices clear), and, interestingly, from an underling of my fiance’s, who expressed her shock at my not having a diamond engagement ring.

Mostly, I’m grateful that the two of us are doing things our way, as authentically as possible, without anyone telling us how or when to do anything. If we want to serve popcorn during our ceremony, which is being held in an art-movie theater, so be it!

Your website = best find ever in all of our wedding planning (okay, aside from maybe the Etsy dressmaker who’s putting my wedding outfit together).

Mostly people don’t expect to have to pay so much for, “the best day of your life!” When we are told, over and over, that this is required, that we must have this, or that, and a personalized, monogrammed cake-cutter, we get overwhelmed. We expect over-inflated prices when we buy houses and silliness when we purchase shoes, but for some reason no one really mentions the cost of everything that’s involved in weddings, and it comes as a shock to the majority of us. When you add to that our parents expectations and the fact that, especially in movies, weddings have everything and are gorgeous. For some reason, people don’t expect romance or true life to be like the movies – but weddings are supposed to be as incredible as they look in movies.

It’s lovely to hear that vendors are out there reading this blog, and I realize this must be a tense bit of the blog for vendors. It’s your job, and there is clearly a market for it. I’m sure you work very hard on your product, to make sure it makes people happy, and the fact that you’re even asking is a wonderful, thoughtful sign — thank you.

I’m not sure how to make it easier on us, or you. Perhaps someone else here has some ideas?

Perhaps a class for our friends, coworkers, and parents, to let them know that reality has to have a part in weddings? Perhaps to let wedding/bridal magazines know that we’d appreciate a little more attention on the marriage aspect of a wedding, not just the part where we spend money. Sometimes it feels like so much attention is placed on the wedding that no one remembers what a wedding really means. A wedding is simply to celebrate two people who fell in love promising to love and cherish each other for all of time — and to celebrate that promise with friends and family.

I realize that it’s your job as a vendor to sell something, so please don’t think I’m trying to blame you for the whole industry. Individual people who are part of the wedding process are usually lovely people; it’s when you all get together that we look at our bills and go “AAaaarrrghhh! It’s just one day! How did it get so expensive?!”

…and then our step-Great-Aunt asks where we want the confetti cannons with our monogrammed confetti placed for the last dance.

But something about the phrase also stuck in my craw, so to speak. It gnawed at me the way a caterpillar might gnaw a leaf — slowly and almost without notice.

I’m a communication-major-turned-IT-consultant-turned-wanna-be-teacher-turned-phd-student-turned-graphic-designer-turned-reluctant-wedding-industrial-turned-proud-wedding-industrial, you see.

I started doing wedding design because people asked me to, and I kept doing it because it was my favorite thing to do. I seriously love being the person who helps brides and grooms remember that weddings are special, sure, but that when it comes down to it, they’re inviting the people they’re the very closest to on this earth and it’s okay to treat those people like friends and loved ones instead of like strangers being beckoned to a Foreign Royal Tea. I love the feedback I get from my customers. I love getting to know them. I love being a little part of their special day.

But I’ve also come to love the wedding industry.

When someone complains to me about how much weddings cost and what a waste and whatnot, I am surprisingly quick to disagree.

Six years ago when I was wed in my own anti-WIC wedding, I am sure I was heard railing against Big Wedding and The Man and all of that. If I wasn’t heard, it wasn’t because I wasn’t saying it.

But now, as a member of the industry and — more than that — as a member of the handmade movement, of the eco movement, of the indie movement, of the buy-local movement, I just see everything so differently. Weddings are amazing community events. They bring together family and friends but they also bring people together with the professionals who work in their own communities. They bring people together with artists and artisans. They bring people together with indie businesses. In fact I can’t think of another event or industry that encourages just these kinds of comings-together. When else will most people hire a photographer for anything? And do you think a florist pays the rent and feeds the family on foot traffic through his flower shop?

The truth is, while you can certainly buy elements of your wedding at Walmart (not to pick on Walmart; seriously, I’m not into making that argument now), you really can’t just go buy a wedding there. You can’t have a wedding without supporting your community and the people who live there. Or maybe you can, but it’s hard. You’d have to work hard to avoid supporting local artists, sellers, makers, and doers.

What entrepreneurs, indie businesses, artists, and makers will your wedding support?