Our previous Rabbi had a story about being a parent of three daughters that I always loved. With their first child, every time she dropped her pacifier, he and his wife would pick it up, boil some water, drop the pacifier in the water to sterilize it, and then give it back. Every. Time. Then when their second daughter was born, they were tired. They were not first time parents. When she was a few months old, she dropped her pacifier, his wife picked up and paused. Their eyes met across the room, and our Rabbi said, “F*ck it.”* And they wiped that sucker off and popped it right back in the kids mouth.
Let me put it this way: David and I are “F*ck it” people. We work hard, we organize, we plan. But TRUST ME, we’ll do that with our *first* kids pacifier. So, why am I telling you this? I’m telling you this because if you do not have a “F*ck it” moment before your wedding day dawns, it will not be as fun as it should be, period.
What went wrong at our wedding? Lots of stuff. I’m going to echo one of the best books of all time, Alexander And The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day, and give you a litany: For starters, the breakfast we ordered at our hotel was an hour late, because they couldn’t figure out how to make pancakes. We were late to our wedding, and we hate being late. We had to take group pictures, and I hate taking group pictures. I did not feel grounded before the Ketubah signing, I did not know how to write my Hebrew name, and my pen ran out of ink. When lining up for the aisle walk, we found out the sound system hadn’t arrived, and we needed the sound system. While we were waiting, I noticed that the caterers had forgotten the table number sign holders. I was nervous walking down the aisle, and I hate being nervous. I dropped David’s ring. Part of my bouquet came unwrapped. When taking pictures after the ceremony, we saw some of our friends walked in late – they had missed the whole service. Older people didn’t dance. Some people left early. They blew bubbles at our send off, and I hate bubbles.
And you know what? I had a fan-freaking-tastic time. I’d had my “F*ck it” moment well before our wedding day, and I did. not. care. In fact, some of the things that went wrong I thought were hilarious. Dropping David’s ring during the service? I’ll remember that forever.
So if you’re a perfectionist, it’s time to let that go. Marriage isn’t perfect, and your wedding sure as hell isn’t going to be. But it’s going to be amazing, because f*ck it, you’re there to have the time of your life.
*Yeah. Liberal Judaism is rad like that. Our rabbi definitely told us this story in person.