East Side and I are engaging in a little, erm, bad girl marriage tips. She went first. I see that, and raise you one, lady.
We believe in going to bed angry. Because you know what? 90% of the time when you wake up, you’re not mad… and you actually feel a little guilty for being a jerk. Also? When you wake up, you’re not tired. And it’s pretty great when you trust each other to go to bed angry. I also sleep on the couch sometimes, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you don’t need to talk it out. I’ve had many a bad relationship in my life, and in bad relationships you need to talk everything out. You know why? It takes a lot of talking to figure out that no matter how much you love each other, sometimes you’re just not compatible. In good relationships, there is a lot less to talk out. Maybe one of you is just in a bad mood, or picked a fight. Don’t make it worse by trying to figure out ‘what it means.’ It might just mean they were tired.
Fighting is awesome. Our Rabbi pointed out in marital counseling that every relationship needs a healthy does of conflict… and isn’t it satisfying? Mmmmm hummm. (So is the making up.) But here is the real scoop – studies show that all couples fight about the same amount (grad student correction: that the amount couples fight is not a indicator of the happiness of the marriage).* But couples who are happy fight in a different way than the couples that are not. So yell your head of, just don’t hit below the belt.
Eff soul-mates. My sharp-as-a-razor husband likes to point out the the idea of soul-mates ruins lives and relationships (as do Romantic Comedies…) What you’re looking for is a partner.
And as my mom says, sometimes you have good days and sometimes you have bad days. Sometimes you have good years and sometimes you have bad years. And you know you love them if sometimes you want to kill them.
And yeah, yeah, yeah… adventure together, dream together, build things together. But you knew that, right?
You saw mine. Who wants to raise me one?
*One of you psych grad students (and I know you are out there) send me a link to one of these studies, pretty please?