And boy am I glad that I did. I can’t completely explain it, but even though I had already been working for 5 and a half months at that point in a good job that I loved and was completely in the line of work from my degree (Computer Science), sitting in the gym with my friends in our black gowns when it was 100 degrees outside and walking across that stage with my friends changed me somehow. The pictures of me spinning around in my black gown before walking across the stage and the pictures I have with me and my friends afterwards are some of the dearest in my heart that I will have of the university experience.

My sister and I aren’t the greatest of friends and we definitely argued over some things that day, but it really meant something to me to have her and one of my cousins there that day and to have her photograph the event. I didn’t mind that my parents weren’t there since it was quite far for them to travel, but it was amazing to be in good company that day and then to go out with friends that evening.

Some of my friends spent money on getting their hair and make-up done and buying a new pair of shoes and everything. But you know what? Looking back at some of the pictures, my hair looks awful, but I don’t care. It’s the memories and the feelings that the photos bring back that means more. They remind me of all the great memories that I had during my five years.

And as one of my professors once said, people continue to participate in our culture’s rituals for a reason. Weddings, university graduations, high school graduations, even elementary school graduations all mark important changes in our lives. I scoffed when people said that the ceremony was important, but I am glad that somehow, I subconsciously went anyways. And this is exactly why when it is time for me to get married, I will not elope. Even a simple wedding in my parents’ backyard would be amazing and not something that I would miss out on.

I really understand having that moment later (we had a lot of moments on our honeymoon too, but that's a different story) but don't dismiss those of us who had transformative wedding experiences as being all about the wedding. The wedding is just the moment that you felt something change, where you felt something bigger than you. It's the change that is important. The moment just feels gritty and intense and wonderful, but not something you could (or you'd want to) do again. Me? I'm happy living the change.

The memory of the wedding, with all it's joy, frustration, and transcendence, that's more than enough. The transcendence is the what, the marriage is the why.

Meg

I hope that some element of our wedding will be transcended in some way. I do know that making a conscious decision to declare our lifelong love and support for each other in the company of those who we love most is significant and feels pretty damn good.

Thank you for so generously sharing your journey – your thoughts, experiences, and great sense of humor. I hope you will keep blogging! What a wonderful community of grounded women you have rallied!

I married on the same weekend as Meg did, in the redwood grove where I was a flower girl for my great-grandmother's second wedding 28 years ago. The grove is on property on a mountain where my family has lived over a 100 years. We had a traditionalish Christian ceremony and we included a cup/wine ritual (NOT communion) taken from one of humankind's earliest wedding rituals. I made deliberate connections to the tradition of marriage personally, religiously, and ritualistically.

But I didn't have any kind of *BAM* moment that day or since (and we didn't even live together until after our honeymoon). Maybe it didn't hit me at a particular moment because I am constantly so deliberately aware of those kinds of connections? Or maybe it's just that I too am so pragmatic and grounded. Or maybe I don't need to dissect why, and I can just accept that I didn't, and not everyone will.

Anyway, I love what you wrote about it, Meg–in both entries. I'm glad you had an incredible day and that transcendent moment that moved you.

Thanks for this, Meg!

We had a very mellow morning-of, going out to breakfast together and then splitting off so my dad could do my hair and I could do my sister's makeup and my own. I was totally relaxed until my car showed up to take me to meet my husband for pre-ceremony pictures. Suddenly everything I was about to do seemed HUGE.

I got a big wave of the same feeling during our ceremony. The readings that we chose brought us (and everyone else in the room) to tears. And it was not perfect, but I do think it was a little transcendent.