Comments on: Reclaiming Wife: What We Need, What We Fear

By: Meaghan

Meaghan — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:09:32 +0000

It takes a lot for me to *not* finish a book, so I pushed through, but I did find myself skipping the ends of chapters once I saw where she was going with it. Really, though, I want you to write a book, Meg! It would be so nice to have all of this collected APW wisdom down on paper so I could hand it out to people.

I’ll have to check out Committed… although yes, I wasn’t a big fan of EPL either.

By: meg

meg — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 02:53:27 +0000

I didn’t come close to finishing it. I signed off after the Nigella Lawson bashing, frankly. She is (probably obviously) near the top of my women-writers-I-love-list. That, and I took womens studies courses in college, thank you VERY much… I didn’t need to finish this. That’s why there has been no follow up. I keep meaning to write on Liz Gilbert’s new book though. THAT I quite enjoyed. And I was not a huge fan of Eat, Pray, Love.

By: Meaghan

Meaghan — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 02:07:57 +0000

I’m totally late to the party on this one, but I just read “the Meaning of Wife,” and wanted to comment back since I heard about it here. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed… but I think that was because I was expecting (and hoping for) a paper-and-binding version of APW, especially the “reclaiming wife” posts. I found the book to be a lot like other feminism-oriented books: here are lots of statistics, anecdotes, and pop culture examples to get you riled up, and then a few pages at the end about how maybe it’s slowly changing a little bit, and being equal is great.

This is NOT a critique of feminism, or of a feminist lens being applied to marriage. I am a feminist, and a vocal one, and I think that the WIC and the widely accepted definition of marriage desperately need a feminist critique. But I know those statistics and I’m perfectly capable of noticing sexism in pop culture myself (and I also have opinions about when authors are just grasping at straws and take it out on wonderful British cooks). I’m just tired of reading books that make me slam them down and angrily recite passages at my boyfriend in a tone of disbelief. What I would love is for more feminist authors to sit down and start writing about the alternatives; about what brave people and couples are doing to strike a new path, and practical advice for how to communicate the alternatives to the wider world.

Once I realized that it wasn’t what I was looking for, I was able to enjoy the book for what it was. I just find myself wanting a sequel that addresses all the problems Kingston raised

By: Marqurite

Marqurite — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:15:47 +0000

We have known, loved each other most of our adult lives. I want a marriage that is built on the blossoming kind of love. At times there will be passion but I feel happiest when we are quietly enjoying each others company thinking and sharing the vibes of love. When we sit and make crazy jokes or flirt with each other across a crowded room.
I am sure we are way to practical but I don't mind.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:55:04 +0000

Thanks, Meg. You are right about the therapy.
I also think it's smart to institute a what-if policy of some sort. Wish I had thought of that before!

By: Meg

Meg — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:31:31 +0000

@Anon
Lord honey, I'm so sorry. Therapy lady, therapy is suddenly going to be worth the money… talk this shit out.

We, oddly, have a "if you f*ck up, don't make it my problem by telling me, just get your sh*t together" policy. F*ck up ONCE that is.

By: K. Guenther

K. Guenther — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:34:28 +0000

Count me in for the book club! I love everyone's comments. I want a joyful, supportive marriage based on mutual respect and devotion. I love my fiance for being everything I'm not – spontanious, impulsive, living in the moment. Hopefully his goodness will rub off on me so we can grow old together. :)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:34:23 +0000

Something I was afraid of just happened: my fiancee admitted that he cheated on me! I'm totally freaking out and trying to figure out what to do. Apparently a lot of couples cheat at some point during the lifetime of their relationship … but it's so hard to accept that this happened. It's also hard to know what to do; break up or stick with it. Some women do Stand By their Man, but do I want to be THAT woman?

By: Catherine

Catherine — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:57:29 +0000

This is a really interesting topic! LPC's comment really resonates with me.

We already have a little'un - he's nearly two now. The support and love of my hubband-to-be was essential when he was new, we have a strong relationship. And I'm looking forward to being his wife sooo much! I push myself to be creative, to do stuff, learn new things, and this is for me. But do I come first? No. Neither does my fiancee - nor would he want to. Our child is our priority, and always will be, and his health and happiness mean that we are happy too, and can then concentrate on ourselves.

I'm not "just a mom" but I'm certainly a mum first, whatever else I do.

By: LPC

LPC — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:25:37 +0000

@Cate – I admire all of you for trying to keep yourselves and your husbands first. I support it. I only need to remind everyone that it's not a simple task in the face of love for babies.