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There Is A Difference…

by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

Ok, this is the part of the blog you’ve been waiting for for the last 1.5 years. The part where I ask you, “Did you watch Oprah on Monday? No, seriously, DID YOU WATCH OPRAH ON MONDAY?”

Because if you didn’t you must. Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi were on, and Portia gave the most eloquent, emotional, and wise argument I’ve ever heard for marraige equality. Since I can remember, and at least since the seventh grade when I did my term paper on gay rights (yes, yes, yes, it’s true) my gut level reaction has been, “Well of course gay people should be able to get married, because it’s discriminatory not to let them. It’s wrong and unfair.” But Portia made a far more elegant and nuanced argument, a wiser argument, and one that I don’t think would have hit me in the heart the way it did before our own wedding. You can, and must, watch the whole clip on the Huffington Post, and then you can go watch bit from their wedding here (which made me weepy) but here a bit of the wisdom:

“She’s my wife, I get to say that she’s my wife and that’s just the way it is,” said Portia.

“Anybody who’s married knows there is a difference,” said Ellen. “It feels like you’re home. There’s an anchor, there’s a safety. I’m going to be with her until the day I die and I know that.”

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and son. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit

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  • The Sapphic Housewife


  • Wifey Wiferson

    Yes! They both summed it up so perfectly. I loved when Oprah asked if they really call eachother wife, and Ellen said it would be pretty weird if she called Portia her husband.

  • Seanie


    I loved how from the minute Portia sat down next to Ellen, you could tell all Ellen wanted to do was hold her hand.

    Just perfect.

  • Leah

    There is a difference, she put it so well. They are so obviously in love and it is such a joy to watch. Also, their wedding was beautiful, they were both glowing and so so happy.

    This is an issue near and dear to my heart and every day seems to bring something else that serves to remind me of how much work is left to be done.

  • Britt

    Ah, Love. This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for posting.

  • Bookbag

    I love Portia and Ellen — they seem to have such a joyful relationship.

  • One Love Photo

    Thank you for this…very inspiring and touching. Their photographs were so beautiful, so classic. I wish we could have photographed it! We are still eagerly waiting to book our first same sex legal wedding up here in Washington.

  • Lauren

    Thank you for this- weepy is exactly what all that made me.

  • Mouse


  • Mariss

    They are an amazing couple! I adore them. It makes me again realize what a big deal it is that I get to be married, when so many others unfortunately do not have that same right. I hope this changes with all of my heart.

  • Marie

    I too got weepy for their video! Love is love people!!!!!

  • LindsFM

    The only thing I didn't love was how Oprah asked them why they felt like they "needed" to get married. I just feel like this is not something we ask straight couples, so why ask a gay couple that question? Why should they have to explain why they need to get married? (Even though their explanation was beautiful, and needed to be heard.) Straight people don't have to explain that.
    OK, off my soap box now. It helped watching their video afterwards, which made me weepy as well.

  • maura

    ellen is hilarious.
    it's just love radiating from these two people- it's wonderful, heart warming.
    and then i get all pissy that you can only be married in four states. unacceptable.

  • Anonymous

    I saw this episode and cried and thought of you and your blog when I saw it. Very touching and just plain true. There *is* a difference, and it's one that every person should have the option of experiencing and choosing.

  • Meg

    I think Oprah was doing her old Tabula rasa trick. You know, when she asks a idiotic question that she totally knows the answer to, because she wants them to talk? IE, I think she thought the answer needed saying in front of her not-always-liberal audience, and she was giving them the opening to say it.

    Or maybe it's just that *Oprah* hasn't need to get married ;)

  • marge vindaloo

    i heart ellen and portia.

  • Megan

    That was beautiful.

  • jamie

    thanks for posting dearest!!!!

  • Hannah

    When I saw those clips from their wedding last year I cried. A lot. And made everyone I know watch them and said "THAT"S WHAT I WANT MY WEDDING TO BE LIKE" and cried some more. I want to hug them both. A bunch.

  • Fatale Femme

    I'm glad you posted this, terribly beautiful, seeing them talk about it. I agree with the idea that Oprah asked about why they needed to get married so they'd have an opening to talk about it. They're so cute.

  • Jean

    This was wonderful to see. Thank you for posting this Meg. I didn't see it before, but I'm so glad I did.

  • Mrs T

    Love it. Thanks for the link

  • Kirst306

    I love that this was the first post I read after my very own gay wedding last weekend! Thanks, Meg!


    thanks for posting this. i wholeheartedly agree with Portia's response. i've been in a committed relationship with the same woman for the past 23 years of my life and I was only recently able to marry her. even though we always felt married, there is a huge difference in being able to call her my wife. i have to admit that I never even realized the profound meaning of it until was able to do it.

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