Comments on: Pre-Marital Counseling, And Why I Think You Should Do It

By: Maria Paz

Maria Paz — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 19:30:09 +0000

SO true, SUCH good advice, SO well written! Man, this is why I love APW.

By: Men are dogs who want free milk, and women are manipulative concubines … « Ms., not Mrs.

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 23:01:21 +0000

[...] to mention, it’s actually a REALLY good idea to have couple’s counseling before you get married. C and I didn’t, and I don’t necessarily think we’re worse off for not doing [...]

By: jennie

jennie — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 18:25:03 +0000

I’m so glad I found APW (just this week)! Thanks for all the posts and comments. Reading them makes me feel like my situation is not unique and that’s a great feeling! Since I will be getting married for the second time, I’m a lot more conscious of the importance of communication this time around. We’ve read through and discussed some relationship books together already, but we would still like to get pre-marital counseling. The difficulty is knowing whom to go to. We live in SF. Can anyone recommend a good counselor in the city? We’re not particularly religious (I have a protestant background and he’s not religious).

By the way, I highly recommend Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. It talks how people perceive love differently. For some people it may be doing house chores, for others it may be physical touch. The important thing is to provide your mate the love he or she needs. It sounds trivial in the early years of a relationship, but over time this is how you keep your mate’s “love tank” filled.

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 15:33:33 +0000

I absolutely agree because I was that bride. I swore up and down that divorce was NOT an option– until 5 years later when I caught my husband cheating and he told me he’d been doing it all along and that he was NOT sorry and he didn’t want to be married anymore. I had assumed that if the marriage was in crisis we would go to counseling, work through the issues, etc., but he refused. All of the sudden I was a woman who doesn’t believe in divorce calling a divorce attorney. Our divorce was fairly simple because we earned equally and we had no assets before we married, no children, and he decided to go into the Marines so I got the “stuff” by default. But it was still heart-wrenching. And I remember back to one of our marriage counseling sessions when the preacher told us gently that maybe we shouldn’t get married. He performed the ceremony, but if I had listened to him then I could have saved myself 5 years and a lot of pain.

Now I am getting married again and I know what to talk about before taking the leap. I’m 7 years older than when I got engaged the first time, and I still don’t “believe” in divorce as a first option, but now I think it’s vital that my fiancee and I discuss all the scenarios, especially the worst case scenario. And also I remember thinking that divorce was an “easy out” with disdain, in all of my 19-year-old wisdom. Even though my divorce was straight forward it was definitely NOT easy.

By: thoughts on the big party | days one by one

thoughts on the big party | days one by one — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 13:18:14 +0000

[...] We have talked about divorce. Meg, of A Practical Wedding writes, “I do not think you should get married until you’ve talked about divorce.” I [...]

By: Ian

Ian — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 19:51:38 +0000

I love this article and agree that premarital counselling is an excellent idea. As a therapist and counsellor working in Manchester, UK I work with couples who relationships have broken down because they didnt really plan for the stress and strains that everyone faces in long term relationships. Premarital counselling can sort the probelms out before they start.

By: jlc12118

jlc12118 — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 16:53:48 +0000

we are doing counseling with our pastor – it’s definitely been one of the most enjoyable things we’ve done to date! We come out loving each other more every time…

but – in defense of the myers-briggs – yes, as a “are you compatible?” tool a little late – but – if used right, it can be a great “OH! That’s why you do that?” tool… to help people really understand their partner’s personality and what makes them tick…

By: meredythbyrd

meredythbyrd — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 16:03:04 +0000

You know what I JUST realized as I re-read through this and thought about my parents’ divorce? That seeing them go through that ordeal and come out on the other side still civilized and soon after married to people that are great for them made me more OK with the thought of divorce. Not that I would want to get divorced but if I did, I’d want to have a divorce like my parents. That sounds weird, I don’t want a marriage like theirs but they set a good example of divorce being a blessing as your rabbi put it. I’m re-reading this post because I want to discuss the things you talk about here before my boyfriend and I move in together in the next few months.
Additionally, I was recently talking to a male co-worker whose thoughts on marriage and his own marriage/wife enrage me. He’s in a bad marriage but doesn’t want to be “divorced” and I told him honestly that I think divorce (in general, not just his) can on occasion be a blessing because I’d read this post. I think something small, very small, shifted in his brain a little.

By: Lizzie

Lizzie — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:24:44 +0000

I wasn’t sure where to get started on a Practical Wedding with such a wealth of information. I’m glad I started with this post. I am definitely a cheerleader of pre-marital counseling…and I really enjoyed the points you made here. Thanks for sharing!

By: sarah

sarah — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:47:13 +0000

Meg, As you know, I feel so strongly about this and agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm late to read, but I so love this post and I wanted to thank you for writing it.