I'm thrilled to introduce Sarah Jane and her Madison Wisconsin wedding. Her advice is wise, and in-line with a theme we seem to be hitting on over and over lately: 1) You can probably let go of what you are obsessing over, because it's not going to be a huge deal in the end, and 2) Bllllllooooggggggsssss. Wedding blogging is an *industry* now and we need to face that (a baby industry, but a industry none the less. I can say that because you know, I am *part* of that industry, even if only a small part.) but it's a sneaky all-girl-talk industry that sucks you in. So if you're freaking out about how you need to have a wedding that looks just like a wedding on the blogs, let me tell you: very few weddings look like tha,t and NO weddings feel like that. So let go of your balloons, your hair flowers, your mustaches on sticks, your beautiful calligraphy, your bicycles built for two, and think about how you want your wedding to FEEL. And yeah, in the end, that might include a hair flower or two (mine did), but it won't be what matters. So with that, I'm going to let Sarah Jane preach her truth. Take it lady:
Well, I'll just start out by saying I'm addicted to the internet. I was way before we got engaged, but post-wedding it's even worse because I discovered blogs in the planning process. The only resource for wedding planning I knew when I got engaged was Martha Stewart Weddings, via my mother. Well, I turned to my lovely internet and slowly but surely I found wedding blogs (and The Knot, but I ignored that one early on). And then I was hooked. I have to say I was quite giddy when Meg emailed me back and I explained to my husband that Meg is a wedding celebrity (in my mind). I explained to him that the times when I felt compelled to share my blog love with him were Meg's posts, which made it easier for me to explain to him why I was acting so crazy. So thank you, Meg, for this wonderful forum and community of support.
The way I see it now, with my 20/20 hindsight and 4 months post-wedding, is there are 2 major categories of weddings: traditional (where it is pretty much cookie cutter and there are certain elements and events that you “must” do and have in order for your wedding to be a wedding) and hipster/blog industrial complex wedding (where it is not a cool wedding unless you had bunting, photobooth complete with costumes and mustaches, rode off on a bicycle, etc.). Now, I do love these ideas. They are creative and fun, however they are everywhere in the blogworld and I got to a point where I was so sucked in that I felt we had to have them because everyone had them. This is not something that is true to us and frankly, I felt at some point that we were feeding into the short attention span of today of constantly trying to entertain people with new things and activities. People are at weddings to have fun, but also to talk. Friends and family are there to support the couple getting married and to catch up with each other while eating and drinking, and maybe dancing or some other activity if the couple decides they like lawn games,etc. more than dancing. It is important to take time to breathe and step away from the blogs and other planning materials in order for you to see what makes sense for you and not feel like you have a new pressure for those that have veered down the untraditional path. The wonderful thing about untraditional is that you can do whatever you want (provided whoever is paying for the wedding is okay with this).
Be creative. Keep it SIMPLE. We focused on doing the big things really well, and the small things, well some happened, some didn't, and some worked halfway. But the big things people notice because, well, they are big (food, music, ceremony, location).
Perhaps the biggest thing of all was that the guests saw how happy and carefree I was, and I feel that it helped set the tone for the guests. I was able to let go and enjoy it. Let me just say, I am a control freak and perfectionist so this seemed like a tall order for me to try and fill. Everyone in my family and his family knows me quite well, so I wasn't the only one wishing for this. Once I sat down in the chair for hair and makeup, I just said to myself, this is it. If something doesn't work out, it will not matter. There were fires that needed to be put out, but my MOH and husband took care of them while we were relaxing pre-ceremony with a pitcher of WI beer.
That's not to say that I did not have my moments of insanity pre-wedding. Case in point, bathroom baskets, out of town bags, and window decorations.
First, the bathroom baskets I believe were barely used (safety pins, bobby pins, hairspray), yet by the end of the night, the nicer items were completely gone (Tide to go pen, oil absorbing sheets). Not worth it.
The out of town bags were a struggle for me, but I nixed them. 80% of our guests were out of town. I felt like I owed it to them for making the trip to give them a map and something local in food and drink, but there was no inexpensive way about it and frankly the logistics of it were overwhelming to me. So, we focused on giving them a really great wedding (and rehearsal dinner).
Window decorations were unnecessary. If you can see in any of the pictures, the windows were 5'x5' open air windows and I felt there just had to be something decorative. Half of them were taken down before the end of the night because they got in the way. And some of the others look kind of weird in the background of pictures. Keep the décor simple.
Thankfully, the things I look back on with the greatest amount of pride are: Our extended families came almost 100%! Those that didn't come were because of serious last minute health issues that could not be ignored.
(This is Logan's family welcoming me in!)
Our ceremony was completely written by us, and conducted by friends and family.
We said our vows and kissed and danced, a lot.
Keep It Simple – and apply this to everything. Just because you have extra time (or want to procrastinate), you do not have to spend it wedding planning. You can make decisions and move on with your life, despite what everyone else tells you. For example: in planning, do not overdo the research, and do not draw up 4 different contracts with 4 different caterers (I told you I was a control freak and perfectionist). Most decisions were made within 3 months of the wedding – and it was an 18 month engagement. The BIC kept overwhelming me with ideas and making me question the things I had settled on already. That's a lot of ideas that I kept entertaining for a long period of time. It's tiring. Just a quick (or not so quick) sidenote here: I handmade the invitations based on an awesome textured paper I found online. I slaved over these for at least 3 months, off and on. When they were finally finished and ready to send out, I almost caved and went with some other invitations because I wasn't sure that my invitations would be as well received since I hadn't really seen anything like them before. Logan kindly snapped me back to reality. 
And then the compliments on the invitations started rolling in and I realized that the invitation was completely mine and no one else's. It was scary at first, but worth the effort to do something of my own inspiration and not somewhere online.
I realize this is easier said than done, I was told that it's not that hard to plan a wedding many times during the engagement, but I didn't really get it because I was planning 30 extra things that weren't really necessary. Here's hoping that some of you aren't so sucked into the wedding planning world that you can actually process this information for what it is.
Finally, bring extra extension cords.
Thank you so much for this post. As a young, fairly broke, and very lazy bride, this is so encouraging to read. I know we read/hear all the time not to get caught up in the details of wedding planning, but I feel that even many of the "this-wedding-was-so-easy-and-only-took-3-months-to-plan" weddings manage to let the cute, personal details establish a place at the base standard of the DIY/DIT weddings (the bunting, mustaches on sticks, etc.). Hell, I'm lucky if our wedding is a do-it-at-all wedding, knowing how lazy my fiance and I are.
Then, of course, is the admission that we will all "sell out" just a little to said adorable details. All the "stick it to the man/wedding industry" ideas I had were rapidly appearing on tons of indie wedding blogs and suddenly, my cute ideas weren't so cute anymore… just overplayed.
Still, sold-out, overplayed, or under-planned, this wedding is a sweet reminder that weddings are their best when simple, joyful, and abundant in love. Thank you again. And your wedding looks absolutely beautiful.
December 9, 2009 6:23 am
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Thank you for the post! I got married about a month ago, and I admittedly was sucked into the indie/DIY bride thing, which can be just as insidious at times. While the bunting, the locally-grown food and the Polaroid guest book with funny hats were all fun ideas (some better executed than others), most people told me it was the ceremony they appreciated the most, above everything else. Thanks, Wedding Guests, for keeping me straight.
December 9, 2009 7:38 am
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This post is exactly what I needed this morning! Hearing her say first hand how the pressure of the blogs affected her in her wedding planning process has really opened my eyes to how it is affecting me. I googled our venue last night in the hopes of finding some more pretty pictures, and instead found a blog where the bride had viewed our venue and didn't think it was special enough and had some harsh words for the decor. All of a sudden, I was second guessing our decision, which is utterly ridiculous because my fiance and I absolutely LOVE our venue and cannot imagine getting married anywhere else. I need to remind myself that her opinion is just that – someone else's opinion. And while valuable, I should never let someone else's opinion determine what we do at our wedding.
So, thanks Meg for being the one blog where I can escape the noise and remind myself that this whole planning process not about what other people do at their weddings, it's about what WE want for OUR wedding.
December 9, 2009 7:50 am
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Yay for Madison weddings!
December 9, 2009 8:21 am
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Sarah Jane, you are ADORABLE. (And I love your name.)
I don't know about anyone else, but reading comments on A Practical Wedding makes me feel like the little girl at the end of the Blind Melon "No Rain" video, where she finds all the other bee people. (I think I just dated myself. Oh well….) It's just been so much fun to see all these comments and go, "NO WAY, me TOO!" over and over again.
Y'all are all my Bee People. Let the happy dancing commence.
December 9, 2009 8:29 am
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ditto ditto ditto on how the blogs work in… even the good blogs! i had to meet last night with my neighbor who has a whole basement full of dishes, glavanized tubs, flats of mason jars, closets full of tableclothes (he entertains. a lot. and is 'co-hosting' our wedding) and we were on a TIMELINE so i thought i'd grab some pics from the interwebs to help him understand the look we're going for. so i spent part of the morning going through the inspiration boards on snippet and ink. all 353 of them… needless to say, by the end i was feeling a little like a trip to the opthamologist and las vegas were in order. my backyard wedding was going to be so LAME! and would the city of minneapolis allow me to have horses in the backyard for the day??
love the blogs! i'm super visual, so the pictures get me thinking! reading this post, i really connected with almost every line!
and an endnote. i did compile a sheet of photos. all of them except one were pretty much exact photos of something the boy and I have talked about using. there was one photo, though, that was of happy people toasting over a long, family style table… it's night, there are candles, dishes… i liked the vibe of the candles and the laughing and so included it, but we are not doing a sit down thing. later, when the boy and i were settled down in front of the tv and our computers he said "you know i thought all of the pictures you sent were great except for the one on the bottom" i was all upset and jumped up to get my sheet of pictures… it was the one of the sit down dinner! he and i really ARE on the same page!! what a relief, my maid of honor and i occasionally joke that she and i are planning 'our' wedding, because we're so into the details and he's so into, well, not the details!
December 9, 2009 8:31 am
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Ah, the Out-of-Town bags (or OOT bags in blogworld). Let me start by saying that I do think this is a lovely gesture for your guests who are traveling a distance to see you. However, I get the feeling that blog land finds these bags an absolutely necessity. People come to see you get married and if they care enough about you, they will travel. They don't come for the free stuff (and really, does anyone know if all that stuff even gets used?).
Yes, you should accommodate your guests, but that means giving them a good meal and a good time – not entertaining them every hour on the hour for 4 days straight.
Thanks Sarah Jane!
December 9, 2009 8:53 am
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I definitely think the "big" items are more worth focusing on – the location, the food, the ambiance, the music, your clothing, and the tone of the ceremony.
One thing I always notice at weddings is the "tone" or the "feeling in the air" of the event.
Most guests just don't care about tiny little things, no matter how cute they are. Personally, I don't even like to be given something that I have to hold. As a guest, I like to be as unencumbered as possible – the better to walk around and enjoy myself.
December 9, 2009 9:14 am
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@Miranda
Yeah, we thought about out of town bags, and then at the end, we could not be bothered. We gave everyone welcome notes. "Hi! We're glad you're here! Attached are directions if you forgot to print them out at home!" Done. Because bottom line, I've never gotten any thing at a wedding that I didn't toss… and that's just wasteful.
@Gracesunhae
Really. Don't worry about overplayed, just do what you like. All good ideas are overplayed (um: good food, for example). People are their to celebrate your love, not to have a trend fest.
@Alyssa
Bee people!
December 9, 2009 9:52 am
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Thank you all for your kind words! I told Meg I was kind of shy and had been a lurker on her site forever, so doing this was kind of a big deal for me.
I'm so glad that I am able to contribute to your wedding planning in a way that elicits relief, not more stress. I continue to read Meg's blog daily and I look forward to seeing graduate post's from those of you still in planning mode!
December 9, 2009 10:49 am
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OMG – are you me??!?! Seriously, it's like I'm reading my own graduate post. No lie.
First of all – thank you for your honesty and for sharing what looks like a beautiful, joyful and fun day!
Secondly, I also agree that so much "stuff" (for lack of a better word) is out there in wedding world and is pushed on us to try to make our wedding "more fun" or visually appealing. And I gotta say: Who frikkin' cares about that stuff? (Altho if one DOES want all the cutesy details, more power to them… I just couldn't be bothered to pull it all together!)
I'm going to read your post again, because I just like saying, "OH, HELL YES!" out loud in my office today. :)
December 9, 2009 11:48 am
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I feel like I could have written this post. Down to the bathroom baskets (which my mom did, and were underused, except certain items that we are sure some impish lad pocketed), and the OOT baskets that we decided not to do, and never regretted.
There were times when I felt so overwhelmed by all the unique ideas that other people were having and that I wasn't.
But now when I look back, I realize that the things that we chose to be simple – those things that I spent time berating myself for not researching better and for not finding the professional yet home-spun, and completely and impossibly unique solutions, those are the parts that we are happiest with. My uncle officiated, we pieced together the script from a couple posts on Kvetch, my brother designed the invites, my aunt did the bouquets, a friend from college was our photographer.
We made those decisions to make things easier for us, but they ended up meaning so much more.
December 9, 2009 12:06 pm
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Meg, love your commentary at the top! and Sarah, I love your insight!
Thanks Girls!
December 9, 2009 1:02 pm
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Sarah Jane is a wise, wise woman indeed.
December 9, 2009 1:29 pm
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Yay for the "feeling in the air"… money can't buy it.
Sarah Jane, beautiful wedding! I loved the invitations…so special & bright.
Recent posts on simplicity and the basics have been so great. We didn't do a photo booth, out of town bags, bridal party, or favors. We got married in a park with our favorite people in the world and used some stones for decoration. Thinking back, it's the spontaneous and natural details that were the best…not the things we spent time planning. I agree that blogs w/ tons of magazine-styled pictures and their emphasis on how things look just create a distorted idea of what you ought to value. It can be wonderful to have a big celebration and go out, but at the end of the day so nice to keep your eye on what you actually need to be happy.
December 9, 2009 2:30 pm
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Love it.
December 9, 2009 5:39 pm
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Best advice yet. Thank you so much.
December 9, 2009 6:29 pm
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Oh and what is bunting?!
December 9, 2009 6:29 pm
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Triangles of fabric on a string. You know, like at a county fair. But those are made of plastic. We on the wed-o-sphere have inexplicably become obsessed with them, as we do.
BUT YOU GUYS!! WHEN WILL YOU RUN WITH MY TREND OF WEDDING PINATAS??? I EVEN MODELED IT FOR YOU!!!
December 9, 2009 7:07 pm
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Meg, pinatas would be awesome if my site allowed it. But now I see that my photobooth and tandem bicyle really aren't as unique as I thought – Obviously I got them from somewhere online, as did the other million readers of wedding blogs.
Thanks Sarah Jane, for saying what's been on my mind lately. Keep it simple. It's time for me to put away the bridal magazines, the forums, some of the blogs and just plan my actual wedding and get it done. And then take that extra time and live my life, not my bride-to-be pseudo wedding planner life.
December 9, 2009 7:36 pm
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That kiss, that carefree smile, and those really beautiful invitations really make my heart happy. Thank you for sharing Sarah's words about simplicity with us.
December 9, 2009 10:28 pm
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total agreement on the diy-blog wedding. I had a mini freak out when I realized I was seriously considering making cake stand out of tree trunks, after I had seen a diy post about it. Honestly! I'm getting married 3000 miles away, and I'm thinking about carrying tree stumps on the plane with me??? I don't care how cute and woodsy it looked, it's just insane.
we've pretty much scrapped all the cutesy design things and have put that money towards the bar, which we think people will be more appreciative about anyway.
December 10, 2009 4:34 am
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Great Great advice. i love this post and its nice to see that it can be done (and done right) on a budget and still be gorgeous!
December 10, 2009 5:42 am
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I can not see the name Sarah Jane without thinking of the movie "Imitation of Life". Love it
December 10, 2009 8:00 am
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I agree about overplanning. It can totally overtake your life if you let it.
December 15, 2009 7:13 pm
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Thanks once again for bringing me down to earth. I've spent far too many hours poring over wedding blogs, confusing myself.
The other thing that gets me too is thinking 'oh no I've now seen this idea in 3 different posts, it's so overdone!' I don't think any of my guests read wedding blogs, so why do I tell myself they will think like this…
December 20, 2009 3:48 pm
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