So. According to the endless bridal publicity emails that I find myself a victim of today is Matrimony Monday. Apparently Matrimony Monday is to weddings what Cyber Monday is to Christmas shopping (eye roll). Since, allegedly, 40% of proposals in the United States happen over Christmas/ New Years (I’m not going to say Hanukkah, because Come The H*ll On) today is the day that all of the newly engaged hop on the interwebs to plan their weddings.
So! Newly engaged among us? Yes? Any takers? Hello and welcome. Please come right in and show yourselves around (if you haven’t been hanging around just a little bit already). I know this still looks a bit like my personal wedding blog, but it’s really not anymore. You can read about our sassy, joyful, totally imperfect wedding over here, but really you need to introduce yourselves to the wedding graduates, a group of sassy wise ladies with their best wedding advice. Then there are the real weddings, the endless discussing of the always mock-worthy wedding industry, and Team Practical – the amazing group of women (and a few men) who read this blog. And finally, there is the real meat of the thing: the ongoing discussion about how we’re each shaping modern feminist marriages.
So yes. That is what we are all doing here. Oh, yes, and I’m Meg. I live in San Francisco with my husband, and I’m as mouthy in real life as I am online. Well. Ok. Mouthier.
And to the rest of you, happy Matrimony Monday? Watch yourselves. It’s a little dangerous out there…
Okay, so. Um. I googled "Matrimony Monday", and one of the first results I got began with "Engagement Season is now upon us!"
Engagement season? Seriously?? I…what…huh…I can't even think straight, this totally just blew my mind. Getting engaged has it's own SEASON now? Granted, we got engaged December 6th, but…I just feel like shaking my fist at the WIC.
I was actually planning on going to poke around a store for possible bridesmaid dress ideas (even though I'm planning on letting them pick their own, I still wanna give guidelines). But after reading this…dear Lord, I think I'll just stay home.
January 4, 2010 9:45 am
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So far, this site is both practical (as conveyed) and hilarious, although I'm not sure whether or not that's on purpose. I am one of those 40 percenters that were proposed to over the holidays (christmas for me). Go figure. So the "Matrimony Monday" is especially humorous to me. My name is Amber, 23 y.o. And my plan is to be married on Halloween (a sunday this year, however we all know how well plans actually work.Well, I'm going to return to lurking the site now and sipping my "post-morning but i'm still not awake" coffee.
January 4, 2010 9:48 am
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I'm married already, but had to comment because I've missed you and your witty post made me smile.
Happy New Year, Ms. Meg! xo
By the by: I work in the hospitality industry, and yeah – the amount of people who became engaged over the holidays is INSANE. I'm not knocking it completely – 'tis good for business, but the number of phone calls my office has received where the other party is shrieking, "I just got engaged! What do I do now?" is starting to bug.
January 4, 2010 9:50 am
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p.s. And I'd like to send them all the link to your blog. Sadly, I can't! :(
January 4, 2010 9:52 am
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I started reading your blog when you posted about reclaiming "wife," and I think it's awesome. :) I don't exactly fall into the 40% group, but I am new, so I thought I should say hi. It is such a relief to find such a sane, feminist, yet willing-to-squeal-over-flower-arrangements blog!
You've added some welcome perspective in my mind about the idea of marriage and weddings. My manfriend and I are still in the negotiating phase, because when we stepped beyond that, my feminist marriage-is-a-tool-of-the-patriarchy side took over, and I freaked out. After a week of insanity my manfriend said "FORGET IT I AM NOT MARRYING YOU AFTER ALL" and suddenly all was sweetness and light again. We live together and are incredibly happy, I fully expect to spend the rest of my life with him… and yet somehow the idea of marriage made me come unglued.
Thanks for blogging about marriage, not just weddings. Your posts have sparked some really interesting and helpful conversations in my house, and I look forward to your continuing insights. :)
January 4, 2010 10:27 am
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haha, I did indeed get engaged over the holidays! Hello, fellow 40 percenters! :)
But I have been addicted to APW for a long while now. My significant other and I have been dating for 5 1/2 years, so the proposal was more of a process than a big surprise thingy. And during that process I was well on my way doing research. Me = type A. and being type A, this site has totally calmed my nerves. Its great to see other Type As saying that in the end the details really won't be such a big deal. *PHEW*
So I feel like I can officially, and without guilt, join Team Practical! YAY!!!!
January 4, 2010 10:29 am
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After we got engaged (October 2nd) and finally got around to looking at venues in November someone told us about engagement season. We both looked at each other in shock and then he says, "I obviously have no idea how to do this right." I laughed and told him that is exactly why I'm marrying him.
I sorta forgot about the season until I went to pay for my wedding dress on the 29th. The store had been empty when I was trying on dresses a week before but now it was packed!
Congrats to the 40%. I enjoy you like team practical as much as I am!
January 4, 2010 10:37 am
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I am in the same boat as Jenna. Totally type-A, totally knew the proposal was coming "at some point," and totally had lots of ideas of my own, in a Team Practical sort of way.
I loved your post about how to deal with your "Big Daydreaming Mother" by giving her the Miss Manners book as a present- I am TOTALLY doing that and think it is brilliant.
I am now trying to navigate the murkey waters of money=power… my mom keeps saying she will "contribute" to the wedding and "don't worry about cost," but I have no idea how much it will be, and of course she doesn't want to just give me money outright because then she loses her huge leverage of holding the wallet around this thing.
I am uber thrifty, and happen to be starting grad school in the fall, and so the idea of telling her to NOT pay for anything (for some added freedom) does not appeal, especially when it would seriously piss her off. I'd love to hear some more from you (or Team Practical) on keeping OUR vision of the wedding in mind, while not alienating those closest to us (who admittedly have very different values).
I already know my priorities: outdoor dance party on a farm this july, and I really want a zip line.
I've decided that as long as those main priorities are met, I am willing to be quite flexible on the rest… but I know that managing all personalities involved will be constantly on my mind… as well as my personal budget…
January 4, 2010 10:43 am
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I think this must be why I was so reluctant to speak of my engagement (back in those days) to begin with. The sheer embarrassment of the fact that we had (in a completely unplanned fashion!) gotten engaged over the holidays. Now I just have my wedding anniversary over the holidays instead. When life deals you lemons…
(Although? It does make this time of year even more awesome. Damn the WIC for trying to spoil a good thing…)
January 4, 2010 10:48 am
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Engagement season: it's like hunting season, with slightly more tulle.
Hi Meg,
I've been stealth-reading your blog since I got engaged 18 months ago, and I just wanted to thank you for spreading the sanity. And the sass. The sass makes my day. Figured it was about time I told you.
January 4, 2010 11:17 am
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Yeah, we actually decided to get married last year in Nov-cliche!! But I wasn't so much as proposed to as just that we decided that is what we wanted to do. He was out of the country for a year following that so when he came back around Thanksgiving this year we were right on locating a venue instead of waiting until after the holidays. Good thing too because we were told that everybody gets proposed to over the holidays and Jan is when they all come out and start planning their wedding. I am planning my wedding just 6 months in advance since we wanted to do it ASAP so luckily that worked out.
January 4, 2010 11:20 am
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I've been reading your blog for about a year and a half and have been engaged for almost 5 months. Wedding is planned for September 25th. I am so thankful I found this blog prior to being engaged as it has allowed me to maintain my sanity in my first few months of engagement. One particular moment stands out when I heard an acquaintance mention her ability to do calligraphy. I thought for about a millisecond about calligraphy on my invites before my practical brain kicked in and said, "hang on a second, I don't give a shit about calligraphy" and for that, I thank you.
January 4, 2010 11:39 am
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Congratulations on being on the Top 100 wedding blogger list!
January 4, 2010 11:43 am
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Hi Meg! I've been lurking for a few months and just got engaged on the 23rd, so I thought it might be time to come out now that I'm perusing your sight out of purpose and not just day-dreaming. But I do want to tell you that you've already been super helpful to my wedding attitude, as a result of all the previous lurking. I'm determined to remain calm and never, ever become the bridezilla I know I'm capable of being. Please, for my fiance's (!!!) sake, keep up the good work :)
January 4, 2010 11:45 am
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oh and I also wanted to note that, according to David's Bridal, we're currently in BRIDAL CHRISTMAS. ugh.
January 4, 2010 11:47 am
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Happy New Year and congratulations on being on the Top 100 wedding blogger list!
January 4, 2010 11:48 am
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@ Elizabeth
Love your definition :)
January 4, 2010 11:50 am
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and i wondered why everyone looked for a ring on my left hand after christmas.
January 4, 2010 12:05 pm
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Like some of the others here, we've been dating for a while (just over 7 years) so the proposal (Nov 19) wasn't exactly a surprise in coming and I'd been reading here for a while already. But since it seems the time for introductions, I figured I might as well say 'hi'. I don't know how much time I'll have to look around more than the main posts on the site, I've been really enjoying the various posts (philosophical and practical/hands-on DIY) for the last 6 months or so. Thanks!
January 4, 2010 12:15 pm
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Haha "Matrimony Monday" … just when you think the wedding industry can't stoop any lower, it does.
January 4, 2010 12:55 pm
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Hi Meg. I guess i'll come out of the woodwork too… My name is Kristen, I live in Reno, NV and we got engaged in October–a few months ago. We decided to wait until late November to tell our families though because we didn't want to deal with all of the planning stuff right away (and wow is my mom a planner! She is already telling me how it all has to be…clueless as to what I really want–which is a fun, laid back event that is a true expression of who we are. She of course wants us to have a black-tie, swanky, "perfect" day. Boo.) Luckily, we have already booked the location…a local summer camp that he and I have both worked at and the non-profit I work for runs… It made sense and we had the connection… Now I am just hoping not to spend the next 9 months arguing with my mother about every detail and still plan a wedding that says "US" not "wedding that mom always wanted but never had." Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I am so grateful for my parents generosity in offering to help with the wedding costs…but we don't always see eye-to-eye and of course there are always strings attached… So that's where I am at…
January 4, 2010 12:58 pm
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If I wasn't at work I would seriously be laughing out loud at some of these comments!!!
I've been engaged for almost a year but my man never "officially proposed" (I also don't have my ring yet) and since we were doing "free gifts" this year for Christmas, he got down on one knee and officially asked me to marry him!
I don't know I feel like the wedding industry is a little demeaning with this whole "engagement season" thing…can't you just let a girl (or guy) feel special and unique for once??
January 4, 2010 1:05 pm
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So would that make today also "Misery Monday" for all those girls who thought they SO were getting a ring over the holidays and told everyone that they were and now have to come back to work ringless?
Sorry, I have a special distaste for those girls, an aquaintance of mine was miserable after every major holiday that didn't result in a ring and a proposal. We were all sympathetic until the pounting after Halloween got to be too much…
January 4, 2010 1:11 pm
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How funny! My fiance and I went to register this weekend and the place was OVERRUN with couples registering…craziness. We got engaged in July but have just gotten around to registering. Our sales lady called it her "busy season".
January 4, 2010 1:17 pm
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Yup, I'm one of the 40%, too. Hello! All I can say is: thank goodness for APW and a practical fiance–hopefully both will help keep me sane over the next 10 months.
January 4, 2010 2:15 pm
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i guess i still count as part of the 40%. we were officially engaged in mid-november. we, too, had been talking about it for a year or so beforehand. i've been in 15–yep, 15!–weddings over the years, but i've sure never heard of "matrimony monday." ugh.
a friend forwarded me this blog when i told her, and i'm incredibly grateful (to her and to you!).
January 4, 2010 2:48 pm
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I got engaged over between thanksgiving and christmas so I guess that counts. Love the blog its been oh so helpful. I'm getting married in July in Telluride, Colorado. Thanks for all the wisdom you've bestowed on us in planning!
January 4, 2010 3:33 pm
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I’m another APW fan coming out of the woodwork-
My husband and I got married last year but just had our wedding last Wednesday (yes, Wednesday). We had over a year to combine finances and save for our perfect-practical day which worked out really well. We also live in Hawaii- so we’re always surrounded by brides on the beach and public engagements (its not even exciting anymore). These past few weeks we’ve seen at least five weddings and even more engagements… my favorite part? Walking down the beach the weekend after our wedding in our wedding attire with my husband and watching the horror on the other two brides nearby as we walked straight into the ocean and went surfing- veil and all – loved it.
January 4, 2010 3:59 pm
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I am SOOOO happy that I was engaged before "engagement season." He did it on our 7 year anniversary on Nov.1. Fucking Matrimony Monday.
January 4, 2010 4:42 pm
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Hello!
I was happily proposed to smack dab in the middle of summer between un-romantic 4th of July and Labor Day (sort of a holiday?).
Still, since I am a months-long lurker and since this is "Matrimony Monday" and all (what, no "Tie the Knot Tuesday" or "Wedding Wednesday" or "Shotgun Saturday"??), I thought I would say hello to all the lovely ladies (and gents!) out there.
Hello!
January 4, 2010 4:43 pm
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I'm not in that 40%, but I know that my SO wants to propose at some point. I'm lucky in that my SO doesn't care so much about the wedding (he wants one, because he'll be the first in his family to have a proper wedding, but everything I've brought up he's been "sounds good"), but he wants the perfect proposal – that's his own thing, I guess.
At any rate, I've discussed the possibility of a wedding with some friends, and it's absolutely sickening how many of them are telling me about linens and chair covers and that whole wedding-industry thing. Strangely enough, my mother is the one who's all "Do what you want, I'll help pay for it but it's YOUR wedding, not mine." My dad is the same way (although he's a bit more of a traditionalist).
The wedding industry makes me feel all skeevy, like there are little tulle spiders crawling all over my skin!
Sorry for the long, somewhat irrelevant comment. But a big thanks to Meg and every person in Team practical for helping us all keep our heads!
January 4, 2010 5:22 pm
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@ Mollie "I already know my priorities: . . . a zip line." totally made me laugh. I hope you get whatever you want for your wedding- your excitement is palpable. :)
January 4, 2010 6:52 pm
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For the record, I think Cat's comment is brilliant:
"The wedding industry makes me feel all skeevy, like there are little tulle spiders crawling all over my skin!"
I feel exactly this way. In a desperate attempt to find bridesmaid dresses, I caved and looked at the David's Bridal website…and almost threw up from all the Pepto Bismol that these people obviously used to dye their dresses.
(David's Bridal DOES have some non-hideous dresses, but I think we're going with some from JCPenny's instead).
January 4, 2010 7:53 pm
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Meg you are so fabulous. I admit I've been reading since you pretty much started this blog, though I just got engaged the weekend after Thanksgiving. In our defense it was my birthday so take that WIC. I'm so at peace about the whole planning process that is about to begin thanks to you helping me reorient my brain and remember what really matters. My MOH has already told me that I'm "the most chill bride ever", phew mission accomplished! Right now fiance & my motto is that as long as we're married at the end of the day nothing else really matters. We've already succumbed to some minor parent requests and lengthened the engagement. But it is only out of their desire to have more time to save money to help us out since I'll graduating from college in june, he's a trying to make his big break in the film industry and we're poor as dirt. I've been able to stay calm and go with the flow! I look forward to Team Practical updates in my google reader every morning!
January 4, 2010 8:22 pm
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I've been lurking for a while but I wanted to pop in for a story.
My coworker mentioned to me that as we'd been looking at rings, my boyfriend might propose to me on Christmas Eve. I told her I hoped not. In the car on the way to my parents' house, I brought it up to him to make sure he did not do it. He said there's no way in hell that he's ever going to propose to me on the day everyone else is being proposed to. He said that finally getting engaged would be a big deal and he'd hate for it to get lost around the hubbub of Christmas and everyone else getting engaged.
That is why I've kept this kid around for 5 and a half years.
January 4, 2010 10:32 pm
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Ha, The Knot sent an email to the mister recently trying to convince him to advertise his services with them because it is "Wedding Season." However, they said it's 90% of couples that get engaged around this time, not 40%. Nice try The Knot, I believe Meg.
January 4, 2010 11:23 pm
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Newbie engaged hand up here… Although the proposal was on my birthday which just happens to be Dec 30th – So not sure if it totally counts as a "Christmas" engagement.
My boyfriend (I mean, fiance!) always said that guys produce the ring on Christmas to avoid having to think about actually buying a present. Very romantic indeed. Haha!
Anyways, my best friend and newly-married lady sent me this post to make me giggle and I'm sure to start me on the road to Practical inspiration.
January 5, 2010 4:39 am
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teehee. Someone I know got engaged on NYE's, and I read about it on Facebook. I immediately turned to my boyfriend and said "never," and he wholeheartedly agreed.
I suspect that when he does eventually propose (I would do it, but he expressed early on in our relationship that proposal is one thing he is super traditional about), it will be on some mountain or during a camping trip. Fine by me.
BTW, I'm another type-A gal. I read mommy blogs too. Just pondering and thinking about the future life I'd like to have. Oh, and I read teacher blogs and scientist blogs, since I'm a biologist that wants to become a teacher. I like to prepare.
January 5, 2010 8:42 am
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First, a re-introduction of sorts. I'm not really called Kahlia, that's just what Spanish people who can't pronounce my name call me. I moved to Barcelona just over 4 years ago, where my now-fiancĂŠ is from, and we've just moved together to Florence. We're getting married in my parents' backyard in Michigan and splitting the cost of that party with my parents, who are incredible and chill and everything I've always known them to be; then we'll be having a reception in Barcelona, where my partner is from, which his parents are planning/paying for (they are turning out to not be chill at all).
It's my own little personal mission to increase the use of the word "partner" in male-female relationships for a number of reasons having to do with discrimination and gender.
I tend to lurk, but I am trying to comment more b.c this is a great place to be and I'm all kinds of grateful to all of you for being so awesome!
I love to "meet" new people, so feel free to email me (kahliabear – gmail)!
@Mollie I feel you on the money=power thing. We we were doing so well with the first party, and now all of a sudden the second one seems to be turning into an "issue". (His dad actually said that our list of friends (including a few of my family members) was a little long, despite being less than 20% of the total number of guests.)
@wanderingpixie We share an engagement date! (It's also our dating anniversary.) How fun.
That makes me wonder who we'll share a wedding date with! (July 25, anyone?)
@Lissachelle Pouting after Halloween? Seriously? Wow.
@Kendall A. & @Cat, "Shotgun Saturday" and "little tulle spiders" have so just made my afternoon!
January 5, 2010 10:43 am
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My fiance's mother gave him the rings from his grandmother before we had even been dating a year. I found out about them because my best friend got drunk and blurted out he had them in his pockets at a wedding we were at 8 months before we got engaged. My Type A, non patient self seriously stressed about what the heck he was going to do. So when it finally happened last January (the 24th, not the 1st. That doesn't leave me in the 40% does it?) it was a big sigh of relief.
@Mollie-Oh honey, I hear you…there was a big ass tantrum from my Momzilla over Christmas because we wanted to go see the venue by ourselves. Hang in there…it does get better. Focus on the the things you know you can control and stand your ground.
January 5, 2010 6:34 pm
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Hi Meg! I'm a relatively newly engaged – my fiance proposed on Sept 18, a week after I was offered and accepted a new job. :) Getting married on Aug 7, 2010. We have our venue booked and wedding party selected, and figuring out the dress stuff now. Been reading your blog for a few months now and am really enjoying the modern feminist aspect of things, and some of the ideas and concepts you challenge. :)
I agree with Elizabeth – thanks for the sanity and the sass! :) And thanks to all those who are sharing their weddings, discussions, and everything!
January 7, 2010 7:29 am
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God, I love this blog. You've got me hooked, and no proposals in sight!
January 10, 2010 5:21 pm
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I got engaged on the 7th, so not sure what side of the 60-40 divide I'm on. I've been reading and posting on here for ages though!
January 11, 2010 10:51 pm
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Ugh. I’m in the middle of trying to figure out when to announce our engagement right now. My boyfriend/fiance didn’t propose, we just made a mutual decision after much discussion. We’ve been thinking we’d wait to tell everyone for several months because we haven’t settled on a date, and his brother just got engaged last month. But over Christmas I was talking with my mom about it and she gave me the ring that I’d like to use. Now we’re thinking we might as well just go ahead and “go public.” But hearing that this is Matrimony Monday makes me just want to wait longer.
January 3, 2011 1:52 pm
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