The rest of Sarah's wedding graduate post ran yesterday, but when she sent it to me, she said something like 'I wish I'd been brave enough to talk about the ways I had to think and re-think what I believed and my attitude towards to feminism, sexuality, and relationships during the wedding planning process. So I dared her to do it. And she did. And, by some magic, in the survey one of you asked for *exactly* this post. So, whoever you are, this one's for you:Our wedding was the happiest day of my life (so far) and I wouldn’t change a thing about that phenomenally beautiful day. The huge, almost cartoon-ish grins on my fiance’s and my faces in just about every photo taken that day say it all.

That said, I found planning the wedding to be a huge challenge, in large part because I had decidedly mixed feelings about weddings and the institution of marriage itself. Let me explain. For almost 10 years prior to meeting the man who is now my husband, I dated only women and trans-guys (who identified as queer), and I could not imagine myself in a "straight" relationship. By the time we got engaged, I felt less concerned about what labels I wanted to apply to myself, but I still felt skeptical toward weddings and the institution of marriage, which I associated with a stereotyped version of heterosexuality. Straight weddings, to my mind, symbolized the idealization of heterosexuality over other forms of loving relationships. Also, I was really bothered by how much we celebrate the couple, rather than the individual, at a wedding. Why don’t we celebrate the achievements of single and independent men and women with as much fanfare as we celebrate a wedding? It bothered me that women, in particular, are supposed to see our marriages, and thus our wedding days, as the singular greatest achievements of our lives—except, perhaps for becoming mothers. Continue reading Wedding Graduate, Part II: Sarah & Feminism & Weddings