We’re getting married soon, and my parents have had a lot of influence in the wedding planning. My FH truly doesn’t care about most of the details – he wants a meaningful ceremony, and he wants to be able to focus on getting married rather than food/decorations/making sure everyone gets along. I’m less interested in the details as it gets closer too – my mom cares the most, so we’re leaving many of the decisions to her.

What FH IS excited about is being married to me, and he tells me so frequently. He’s really committed to me and our relationship, and after 4+ years of dating and 1.5 years of living together, and lots of talks about our expectations and wants, he knows “what he’s getting into.” Which gets me to my point (sorry for rambling) – it drives me crazy when other men warn him about marriage and try to talk him out of it. Especially when his FATHER does it. As commenters above have said, if he didn’t want to marry me he wouldn’t have asked. It’s degrading to both of us when others assume that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and that I will make his life worse, not better.

Those comments seem to come from men who are not happy with their marriages and don’t take responsibility for their relationships. Is that your experience too?

The only complaint I get from him is that sometimes I discuss things (like when we are making the invitations) with my BridesMaid, and forget to tell him what we have discussed, so the first he hears is "Oh, we are doing this…". I have to work on that one!

We ended up buying a plain blue binder and blank dividers writing "Gettin' Hitched" down the spine.

BTW, while I shortlist vendors, BCB is the one who deals with them when it comes to getting quotes and all that jazz. Which is pretty much how our relationship always works. I plan, he executes.

But I've been surprised by who has made subtle objections to his involvement. Some of my closest friends have attempted to sympathize with me: "Wow, trying to plan a wedding with your fiance must be so irritating!" Um. What? And my parents have also stated clearly that the wedding is "our family" thing, and really the groom's family–or ahem, the groom–doesn't have to be involved in planning the wedding pretty much at all.

I've responded firmly and politely. But… still surprised.

Oh, and can I just say @Meg: Have you finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Committed" yet? I read it, loved it, and based on your comments in this post (and OK, your whole wonderful blog) I imagine you might find a more kindred soul there than you may have imagined. Thanks to these two man-focused posts, Chabon's "Manhood" is next on my (recently Chabon-heavy) reading list. Thanks again!

@Saint Mae, sadly that shirt doesn't make me want to laugh, only cry.

@Sarah, I hope my comment didn't sound like I was criticizing anyone for their various responses to other people's rudeness. I think it's too bad their isn't an easy way to call people on their asshattery, you know?

It upsets me that other people get to say these comments the belittle your partnership (while reinforcing sexism and sometimes homophobia) and their line of thought is so pervasive and socially acceptable that it's your responsibility to, more or less, take it.

My boyfriend and I did have a good laugh over this article though…

http://www.ehow.com/how_2029326_haircut-groom-wedding.html

particularly the later steps in the process. Ummm are you marrying a 12-year old?

oh and @McV… you made me laugh out loud at my desk "I supposed I'm just lucky I didn't end up with beer cases power stapled to the window frame…"

It is so sad, like many people posted above, that the sexism around weddings paralysed him so deeply he hadn't even looked at ANY of the e-mails over a YEAR of planning. He just asked me about a suit this morning. I almost cried.