While we’re on the topic of the (frankly horrific and emotionally impoverishing) wedding/marriage sexism directed towards men, can we talk about this email that made me snarf water through my nose?
While we’re reclaiming the idea of wife, could we make sure we get the right job description for it? A wife is not a husband trainer. Yet more than once since our wedding in November I’ve been asked if I’ve trained my husband yet. The last time was in his presence and he answered by saying that I already liked how he did things, that’s why I married him. Yes! That’s it exactly.
Because seriously. We’ve been watching a lot of HGTV recently (you get this with your newlywed status, I didn’t even know it existed pre-wedding) and the concept of the ‘man cave’ keeps coming up on every show. And everytime I yell at the TV “What the m*ther f*cking f*ck with the MAN CAVE already? He only gets ONE ROOM???” And David shakes his head and sighs. Because you know, David’s man cave is the kitchen… and also the rest of the house, since he cares as much about it as I do.
So since these horrible conversations all seem to come from generally the same people/ line of societal discourse, in some horrible way, it makes sense. Because if someone told you getting married meant you were going to get trained, and then given only one room in the house, and then your wife would be in charge of your entire social calendar… wouldn’t you think getting married was a mistake? I effing would.
So here is to more men who cook and decorate and are allowed in all rooms of the house and keep their own calendar and can dress themselves and can express a range of emotions and can change a diaper without fear and can hold up their end of cocktail party conversation and don’t let their (super bossy) wives boss them around. Because THOSE guys are the marrying type.
UPDATE: I’m sort of shocked that I’m having to post this disclaimer… but… I’m NOT saying that partners shouldn’t have personal spaces or hobby rooms in their homes (um, obviously). I’m talking about sexist terms, and the way we culturally discuss marriage and gender roles. I’m talking about the way wives are somehow viewed as being in control of the household (for better or worse), while husbands are shuttled off to a back room somewhere. So lets all relax a bit, go to our respective hobby rooms, and breath deeply.
PS This is Part I, because somehow I have the sneaking suspicion that there are lots of other things wives are not… and we’ll figure them out.