Today, Part II of the APW reader survey results (here is Part I). This part is about content, and it's a long one....
First of all, lucky for me, you guys like every kind of content I publish, more or less. The vast majority commented that you thought the mix was about right (very few of you thought it was 'scattered.') A few of you talked about the blog's transition 'from a wedding blog to a married blog,' and I wanted to discuss that. The site currently has about the balance I was aiming for - lots of wedding content, some married content, some personal content, a little bit of life content, and it should hold about steady here. A wedding blog about getting married. Or something. Not a married blog. It's going to stay my blog, more or less. Lots of community generated content, yes yes yes, but it's always going to be my voice that's the through-line. That's what feels right to me as a writer, and that's what I like to read on other blogs, so I'm sticking to it.
The first serious surprise of the survey was that you guys like the marriage/reclaiming wife discussions the best, with 59% of you picking it as a favorite. This blew me away, since those are inevitably the posts where someone's head explodes all over the comments. Because of that, I had a feeling that many of you HATED these posts. But it turns out you don't!
Second place was, no-surprise, wedding graduates, with 57% of you loving them the best. One person commented, rightly I think, that they loved wedding graduates, but sometimes they became repetitive. This is something I think about a lot - the message of the wedding graduates is, over and over, that the little things don't end up mattering on your wedding day, that what matters is love and joy. This was (sadly) a message I hadn't heard much until I started eliciting these posts before our wedding. So I think a lot about the balance - how much is it helpful to hear this message over and over again in different voices... and how much is it repetitive? I try to limit graduates to about two a week (Christmas every day would be boring, right?), and my criteria for picking which graduates I post (since I no longer am able to post them all) is strong writing, and fresh perspective. Though pictures that make me want to jump up and dance don't hurt.
Third place went to 'sass,' which is funny, since again, these are the posts I enviably have to close comments on. One of you commented that I shouldn't use the word 'sass' ever, because it seemed like I was trying too hard. I think the best explanation for that is that I use it a bit defensively and proactively... a warning that, if you offend easily, you should avert your eyes. In real life I'm, um, funny... in a slightly caustic call-it-like-I see-it kind of way. I learned a long time ago that doesn't always fly on the internet, because someone somewhere is ALWAYS getting offended. I've been debating turning off comments on short funny posts, so you get them more often, and the comments don't get awful. I may finally go through with that.
Lots of you asked for more advice posts - where I take questions from readers. I do that a lot via email, and I'm starting to think about publishing those exchanges more often, even if they are a bit rough around the edges.
The other main thing you wanted was DIY posts, and I'm going to run with that... sort of. Standard DIY posts like "how to make a bouquet out of toothpicks," bore me to tears. I really have no interest in making a bouquet out of toothpicks, and if I did, I'd probably figure out how to do it myself. That said, I have big love for what I'd call "How To" posts. Not, random crafty objects, but big projects - DJing your wedding with and ipod, doing your own flowers, etc. There will be a How To section on the new site, and I'll be soliciting posts for The Big Stuff, aiming to create a resource you can turn to in a pinch.
Fascinatingly, by a landslide, you guys wanted wedding and married content mixed together. 80% of you wanted the content mixed the way it is, 14% of you liked both sets of content but would be fine with sister sites, and only 6% of you wanted just one kind of content. I had expected that the vast majority of you wanted only one kind of content, and was moving towards the sister site idea, but it seems that you guys like it just the way it is, so we're going to stick with that for the moment.
Forums. I was pretty relieved that 40% of you were on the fence (because I'm on the fence) and that 41% of you only want the blog. That said, what emerged in the comments was fascinating. What you guys are interested in is a forum to discuss marriage. I think this is really interesting, because there are other awesome wedding forums, and I'm not sure recreating the wheel makes a ton of sense. But! There are not, that I know of, any forums to discuss being a modern progressive newlywed, and I dig that idea.
When it came to weddings, what most people were interested in was less a general forum, and more a way to share resources and information. Lots of people wanted a way to share information on 'Team Practical Approved' venues, for example. So I'm going to start to think about ways to collect and share that kind of information that don't involve endless chatty threads.
Finally, one of you suggested something that I thought was brilliant. She suggested that there be a nominal membership fee for joining the forums - say $5. Yes, this would help support the site, but the real reason for this suggestion w
as that a $5 fee would insure a certain level of privacy, or in her words, 'a way to keep out the crazies.' The fee would ensure that everyone who was there WANTED to be there, and that random, uh, knot-like brides wouldn't wander in off the street and knock the conversation off the rails. If I did something like this, I could easily set it up so that if you had a financial hardship situation, you could email me and get a code to join for free... since the idea would not be to exclude people, but to make sure that people actively chose to be part of the discussion.
And one last note. In an interesting display of group psychology, many of you had clearly created some sort of hierarchy of readership in your heads. Some people said they didn't want to send in their weddings, because I didn't know them, so I couldn't write a nice introduction to their post (I'd say 70% of wedding graduates have never emailed me or ever left a comment, and I write lovely introductions for everyone). Some of you said that you wanted to be on Team Practical, but thought that you weren't (Team Practical is a silly silly term that I made up for my readers when I had not-so-many-readers. The readers ended adopting it as their own, so I still use the term. It is, however, synonymous with ALL readers. I have a general philosophy and if you treat people like a community, they will act like one). And finally, some of you were concerned that I only cared about readers who "lived in my comments." I did a quick calculation, and at any given time, roughly 0.1% of readers are regular commenters. Did you get that? 0.1%. So, no. I don't love them more than the rest of you, though I'm grateful to them, because they give me feedback and direction. So comment if you want to, or not. But you're still on Team Practical, if you want to be.
Phew. So that's the survey! I'd love any and all feedback on the ideas I'm throwing around in the comments. I've turned anonymous comments back on for the day so everyone can chat, KINDLY.
And thank you again, this was so, so helpful.
Amazing graphs: big thanks and big love to Jamie, who really is as cool as she seems.
@Jenny
THAT is coming, and more, so those needs will totally be met.
@Kristy D
I totally agree, and think that's the only way a forum could work. I can't moderate all day everyday, so I'd probably take on volunteer moderators. I'm looking into ways to do that in the comments for the new site. I dislike being the only person making the judgment call about which comments need to be deleted (particularly since they are normally personal attacks on me). Sometimes I make the wrong call and take it down, and more often I make the wrong call and leave something up. So if 5 of you have flagged a comment as problematic, then I'll figure that it should go :) Community empowerment! Bam!
March 9, 2010 4:51 pm
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wow! thank you so much for sharing all the data you received. I saw that your survey was up but didn't have a chance to respond in time. I'm so glad that the majority speaks for me.
I think having a forum would be lovely and all, but the amount of work it would take for you to deal with it may just be over the top. $5 per is nominal to the members considering the work you have to do. and to be honest, as much as I would love it, I'm not sure I'd have time to lurk on it as much as I'd like.
I also love reading the graduate posts because even though I'm already a graduate, I still want to hear what they have to say. Yours is the only blog I read that has that kind of depth of content. Pictures are great but the words these ladies have to say are so astounding at times that it makes my day (and makes it even harder to write my grad post). I love the way you mix your content. I love your sass (please don't leave that out). Yours is one of the three blogs in my reader that I read every, single post without fail. you rock Meg. thank you.
March 9, 2010 4:51 pm
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Thanks for loving us all! Even the quiet ones!
March 9, 2010 5:07 pm
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I can't say I'm surprised by the fact that so many of the readers here are already married, or that 59% like the married/reclaiming wife posts the best. I think it's just a matter of simple math, really. A LOT of readers probably first found this blog when they were planning a wedding themselves. Given that you've been writing for 2-ish years now, it's reasonably safe to assume that the vast majority of those early readers (or anyone who has started reading a year or so ago) are now married, and therefore are more inclined toward married-life content than wedding-planning content because it's more relevant to where they are in life right now.
I also think the fact that those posts are the ones that result in alot of comment conversation are part of it – even if that conversation sometimes leads to conflict.
I mean, isn't that part and parcel of what it means to be a "community?" Conversation and occasional conflict?
I for one would prefer that you never turn comments off on any post and instead simply delete those that truly are vitriolic and nothing more. :)
March 9, 2010 5:16 pm
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I agree with almost all of that, but the idea of paying for the forum makes me feel a bit yicky. But I think that's more about me than about the idea itself: i'm totally broke (can't spare $5 sort of broke), don't have a credit or debit card to pay with, and have got away so far without having to pay for stuff on the internets.
I do understand your reasoning with it, though; it makes sense. So I think I'd come round after a bit and borrow my partner's card and pay up. By the time it's up and running I shouldn't be broke anymore…
March 9, 2010 5:26 pm
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Ooo! Regarding the paying for a forum…Meg already said she'd be willing to help out those in need and who couldn't afford the fee, but I betcha some of us (well, me at least) would be willing to donate a little extra towards that cause. Kinda like a adopt-a-bride…
March 9, 2010 5:31 pm
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I LOVE the idea of a marriage forum!
And I like the word 'sass.' ;)
March 9, 2010 5:42 pm
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@Michele
Yes. But that's much easier to say when you are not the one who's cried herself to sleep three nights in a row. It's hard to realize, in abstract, how awful it is to have to read, and delete over and over comments that say THE MOST HORRIBLE things about you, in great detail, based on all the sh*t they already know about your life.
So it comes down to this… if I'm sobbing in the fetal position? My husband steps in and turns off comments. It may not be ideal, but I'm human like that.
March 9, 2010 7:07 pm
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Meg that is absolutely heartbreaking. You've mentioned personal attacks before and I still find it shocking to hear that there are people who come here and do that. But I guess I'm being naive, since it is the internet and all. It's amazingly brave to keep putting yourself out there like you do. And it's so great that you do because you honestly do make such a difference. Thank you thank you thank you!
March 9, 2010 7:49 pm
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I admit that I'm addicted to wedding blogs, some of them are visually amazing, but that is all they are. Yours is the blog I READ and learn from and the one where I actually read the comments. That being said I'm not sure about the forum (its not about the money, I'd pay just to read the great advice from the blog!). What puts me off other blog comments is that 100 people comment and say exactly the same thing (i.e. oohh I love that gush gush etc) and its boring and unrealistic. Now I know you shouldn't say things that aren't nice, but it's good to get other peoples opinions and ideas and some realism into what you are planning (and I'm SO not talking about really nasty personal comments here). For that reason I worry that a forum may become that way, but maybe I'm underestimating it and the readers. It's just that sometimes a crazy (and again NOT nasty) comment can get you thinking and broadening your mind.
Please keep up the good work, as I have now asked my fiancee to start reading :)
March 9, 2010 8:35 pm
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One way to keep Wedding Graduates fresh could be to have the contributors just answer 1-2 questions rather than several. That would allow them to focus on the most striking aspect of their wedding and the learning experience.
March 9, 2010 9:36 pm
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Since taking the survey, the idea of a forum is growing on me more and more. I had never thought of it before and checked the no thanks but thank you for asking button without thought. But in the days since, I'm thinking of things I would love to dialogue about with all the other super intelligent ladies who frequent this site.
March 9, 2010 10:13 pm
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There is the OBT forums, but it's limited to people who are actively planning a wedding. I'm pre-engaged, and wish I had a forum for discussion. I'm constantly amazed by the thoughtful and thought-provoking discussions on this blog, particularly around the nature of marriage. I'd love the chance to expand on that more through forums
March 9, 2010 10:54 pm
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You are awesome for sharing all this. So excited about the relaunch.
March 9, 2010 10:57 pm
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First of all – thanks Meg for listening to us and turning our opinions into action. It is such an open way to run something that is essentially yours. I strongly believe you should be paid for your work and $5 is not a lot. I bet if you just put up a donation link, people would send money to that!
To echo something Lysachelle said, the reason wedding graduates, or any other repetitive content, is important is that many people will will find this blog when they just start planning. Even though many of us have been following your journey, the blog should still be a place that people can jump in the middle and get inspiration, reassurance, etc about whatever is specific to them. (Like I'm having homebrewed beer at my wedding and you just featured two beer-focused weddings in a row. What if I found this blog in two weeks and those posts were buried?) This might be achieved by a more complex tagging/categorization system which I think you said you are working on.
Anyway, thank you again!
March 10, 2010 5:46 am
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ditto Nina!! :'( I'm having to try not to cry in my office. Meg. !! You're amazing. David is amazing. thank you for everything.
@Lyssachelle – adopt-a-bride, love it. I'd donate to that.
March 10, 2010 7:33 am
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@Danielle
The wedding graduate prompt is already like that, which is why it's interesting that they turn out the same way, often. There are a few suggested questions to think about before you write, but it's essay format… what you learned, what you want to share, what stories you have to tell. I find it facinating that so many people learned similar things that they really want to share.
March 10, 2010 11:51 am
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Meg, thanks for explaining. It IS interesting, and I for one learn from all the different stories :)
March 10, 2010 8:51 pm
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