I’ve been thinking a lot about wedding details lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about details because of Verhext, who is obviously eminently sane, told me that she just cares about details because she’s a details person. And honestly, I agree… in a very non-wedding industry way.
Because here is the thing: we worked our asses off to have a wedding that was a honest reflection of our aesthetic. Asses. Off. We poured cement to make our huppah; we found white birch branches for the huppah poles; I had an epic quest for a wedding dress that felt like me, and not like some bride-y bride-y nonsense; and we slaved over our service. But you want the punch line? I specifically told my caterer not to use warming trays because I hate them. Hate-hate-hate them. So if you’re feeling bad about being persnickety about chairs, please remember, I banned warming trays at our wedding. I did it, and I would do it again, sane or not.
I’m hyper visual. I’m have a particular aesthetic (just ask my long suffering web designers). And David? Well, when we started dating he was a theatre director. So, really, if you think I’m particular…. yeah…. But I still rail against wedding details, or really Wedding Details. When you are getting married you end up hearing over and over and over again from the WIC (or the BIC) that, “It’s all about the details.” Or “details are what make your wedding memorable and special.” And not only is that patently untrue (what will make your wedding special is that you got MARRIED, and what will make your wedding memorable is all that shared love), but the details the wedding industry sells you are b*llshit. Piles of perfectly matching plastic flip flops for your guests, crazy expensive calligraphy for escort cards, just-so bridesmaid dresses? I mean, did you care about calligraphy before you got married? If yes, then go for it. If no, then stop STRESSING about it already.
So here is my very best wedding graduate advice:
Focus on making your wedding feel aesthetically honest (because there is a lot of aesthetic bullshit out there, and a lot of people trying to tell you that Classic Wedding Aesthetic is the only way it can be done). Focus on making in *feel* like you and your partner. And once you get to that place, realize that everything else is extra.
Because on your wedding day, you are emotionally in another place. Did it matter to me that the huppah I walked up to was beautiful? Hell yes. We were, as the Jewish teaching goes, beautifying the commandment. But did it matter to me that my bouquet didn’t turn out perfictly? No. Did I even notice the mimosa bar that we so carefuly planned? No. I didn’t know it exsisted until I saw one half developed polaroid of it. Did my geusts notice the mimosa bar or the imperfect bouquets? I seriously doubt it (and we know a lot of artists). They, and we, noticed how the day felt, and the asthetics were only important in the way they played into that whole.
So remember the big picture. And focus on the small things with love.
The details that really mattered to me? They are all things that feel too personal to share very much of, but here you are:
- Our invitations, which were made with such love, and had the verse of Torah that is written on my heart.
- The dress. The dress that I found after a year long quest.
- The huppah. The huppah. The huppah.
And the rest? Well. It was just details.
So here is my question to all of you wedding graduates. We talk a lot about how the details don’t matter. And most of them don’t, at least not in comparison with the hugeness of the vows. But if you had to pick the few small things that did matter to you, what were they, and why?
PS This post on details is also helpful
Picture: Our elusive mimosa bar. And yes, those flowers are in a brushed steel square trough, and the garden roses are filled in with pink star jasmine. And there are three juices in carafes. Don’t think that happened by mistake. But also? Don’t think I even saw it the day of (or stressed about it before hand, come to think of it).