This weekend David graduated from Law School. And while I've written a lot about our wedding, and very little about law school, on Friday I David and I were exhausted cuddling on the couch, and I said, "This is the biggest thing we've ever done together," and he agreed.
And it is.
It's not that I did law school, because I didn't. In fact, for the majority of the last three years, I was so stressed out that I didn't even listen very hard when he talked about criminal procedure or California's second degree federal murder rule. But.
When David and I started dating, five and a half years ago, we were 23 and 24, broke, living in New York, and both working in Theatre. Actually, the exact day that we started dating we were both unemployed, but I digress. Over the next two years, David tried to figure out what he wanted to do, and moved from a professional theatre job to a legal job. And he loved it. And then we discussed law school, and we discussed where we both might be willing to move for law school, and we discussed LSAT courses. And then we moved into the action phase - LSAT course taken (him), LSAT weekends spent making solo plans (me), law schools applied to (him), hands held and anxiety soothed (me), law school acceptances and rejections received (him), breath held - prayers said - tears shed (us), law school selected (him in theory, but really, us).
Then boxes were packed, jobs were quit, Penske trucks were rented, toasts were made, decade long friendships were cried over, cross country trips were taken, new apartments searched for, new jobs were found, new friends were made (us).
Then studying was done, tests were taken, grades were given, accolades were earned, new law schools were applied to, transfer applications were accepted, tears were shed, friends were missed, the-smartest-decisions-for-the-future-we-think-but-man-it-hurts were made, daily commutes were commenced (him).
And did I mention? The economy collapsed. Things got sh*tty, fast. I was stressed, I didn't always love my job, I worked all the time. But I had the benefits and the earnings, and as savings got eaten up by law school tuition, the burden of paying rent, keeping on the lights, keeping us fed, and keeping us insured, increasingly fell to me. And it was really hard. It turns out being the sole breadwinner is unimaginably stressful, especially when you are watching the economy collapse in slow motion around you. But I did it, and it also turns out that being the breadwinner as the economy collapses in slow motion around you gives you a tremendous sense of pride and self worth. Almost as much pride and self worth as a well earned prestigious degree.
And now we're done. We both, in our own ways, worked our asses off for Friday. And in the past three (or really four) years, we both learned a lot, both about ourselves and about the world. And when the words, "I now confer on you a JD, with all the rights and privileges therein" were said on Friday, I cried. When we walked from party to party in North Beach on Friday, looking at the moon on the bay and Coit Tower by night, the air crackled with possibility - not just the possibilities of the future, but with the possibilities achieved. And when we attended our friends' graduation in downtown city hall on Sunday, even more tears were shed, and hugs were given. And what had just happened felt enormous.
We didn't plan a wedding kids, we started a life. Together.
Pictures: #1 - After Sunday's Graduation, taken by me; #2 Us at the end of the weekend, taken by a friend. Yes. They are real Polaroids.
Congrats to you both!!! It is a joint accomplishment – we did law school (him) while dating and then moved across the country for an LLM (while engaged/married) after a few years of work. He just finished the LLM program on Friday and I felt I was in it too – although I have no knowledge of tax law to show for it, but… Love this post and cheers to you both!!
May 17, 2010 1:14 pm
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that was amazing, i just graduated from law school this Friday as well and its so true – I couldn’t have made it without my boyfriend, and as we have started planning our wedding I really do feel like even tho the last couple years were tough, i’m so glad we did it together and we’re starting our life together now. nothing could compare to him waking me up the day after graduation and saying, “i’m so proud of you.” i sent him this to read, because it is so us!!
May 17, 2010 2:01 pm
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Oh Meg, congratulations, I am so happy for you all! And thank you for this…ever since Ryan and I have been dating, he’s had his eye on coaching cross country at the collegiate setting. Everyone told him to give up on it and get a back up job that was more lucrative, but we stood together and went for it. And you’re right, it’s an “us” thing. We find out this week if he got a coaching job (after living apart for almost our entire engagement so he could add to his resume and I could stay employed) and I know I’ll cry!
May 17, 2010 2:59 pm
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Congrats to both of you!
My partner supported me (in every way possible) through three years of law school and then the CA bar exam this past February. When I found out a few days that I passed the bar, there was no better way for me to celebrate our accomplishments than just the two of us, together, far away in the mountains, reveling in what we had done. Together. It’s like we’re grown ups (or something).
Good luck to your husband on the bar exam, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
May 17, 2010 3:44 pm
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wow, congratulations!
Also, I loved this:
“It’s like we’re grown ups (or something).”
May 17, 2010 5:13 pm
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Meg, y’all are adorable. Also, huge congratulations to you both for making it through that. We’re just starting on law school (LSAT prep course for him, while we’re both working), and, silly as it might sound, it’s really comforting and encouraging to see that you two (and others) have done it and made it through, and you still like each other.
Good luck on the bar!
May 17, 2010 4:10 pm
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Congrats! This is huge. Is David going to be sad if he doesn’t get 500 comments (ha)?
May 17, 2010 4:49 pm
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Um, David will probably be happy, because then I won’t have a nervous breakdown, and I might get some sleep ;)
May 17, 2010 5:44 pm
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Yay! Congratulations to you both!
We haven’t made any decisions as big as whether to go to grad/law school together (we met while already doing our Master’s), but we did pick up and start over in a new place together just this year. And while we’re definitely still in the midst of that experience, we’re already planning on where we’ll go next. I was thinking earlier today about how we’re actually not all that adventuresome (or so we thought before), but this is working out well for us!
So I’m glad to see it’s gone well for you guys, too! Congratulations, not just on the momentous accomplishment of law school, but also on the huge life changes you’ve undergone along the way.
And maybe we’ll join you in SF some day…
May 17, 2010 5:11 pm
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Congratulations to you and David! I know exactly how you feel. Mister is in Law School right now. We made a similar move, leaving jobs, friends, family. And like you, I am also learning the stress that comes along with being the sole breadwinner. But we will survive and prosper. And we have learned and will continue to learn so much. And I can’t wait for the day when I can share your feelings about graduation! It sounds so wonderful…only two more years to go.
May 17, 2010 6:14 pm
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What a happy day a happy huge moment. Congrats.
Also. this… ‘We didn’t plan a wedding kids, we started a life. Together.’
this is why read APW. thank you for that.
May 17, 2010 8:18 pm
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Congratulations David (and Meg). As someone who has been through the law school thing, huge freakin’ congratulations. It means the world to have someone stand by you and tell you that if the scary scary essay or the great big text book glaring at you from the corner of your desk is the Goliath then you are the David and that you will overcome.
In Australia it takes SIX years – five of law school, one of college – and my man was there with me the day I got into law school and is still with me now. He stuck by me through my tantrums, breakdowns, tears, rage (at the universe which unfortunately included him) and, most difficult, my own lack of faith in my abilities. I couldn’t have done it without him, my manly Meg-equivalent. And you’re right Meg, it does make you stronger as a couple to go through that.
Now I’m on the other side of the fence. Supporting him whilst he gets his teaching degree. I’m still not sure which side of the fence is better. On this side of the fence I feel kind of helpless really. Oh well, once he gets through his degree we can finally get married, start (officially) our baby family and it will all be worth it.
Congrats again guys – sorry for the long post.
May 17, 2010 9:23 pm
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Congratulations to you and your husband. I am that person right now as I am have been working contract on and off since getting laid off in February 2009. My fiance supported the both of us for the first 3 months of 2010 and I am working another contract right now but I am not sure of the duration. I am grateful for his sacrifice for US and I look forward to becoming his wife on 9/26/2010!!!
May 17, 2010 9:25 pm
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GOD, that’s what it’s all about.
I remember being a full-time undergrad student, and Jake trying school, trying this-degree-or-that-degree, becoming depressed, working out of it, health problems (for both of us)…and that was pre-marriage! Our lives are woven together before the “I do,” and that’s great. But sometimes it’s so easy to overlook what you’ve been through, where you’ve come from.
Great post, Meg! :)
May 18, 2010 3:10 pm
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A big one indeed :) Congratulations to the both of you, again.
May 19, 2010 1:59 am
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Congratulations to both of you! My fiance has been supporting me emotionally and financially for the past 2.5 years that I’ve been a full-time grad student…so Meg, I seriously understand what you meant when you said you BOTH worked your asses off for this graduation. Cheers!
May 19, 2010 3:32 pm
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Congrats to both you and David Meg! I graduated from law school in Canada last year, and will get called to the bar in June. There is no way that I would have made it through without my partner; so I’m certain that your support and love had been invaluable to David throughout law school. Hope you both had a great celebration!
May 19, 2010 4:49 pm
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I’ve loved this site from the beginning, but posts like this one prove that it’s just getting better and better.
May 20, 2010 4:21 am
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CONGRATS to you both!
My fiance graduated from law school last year and I’m currently in graduate school myself and we’ve both counted on each others’ support throughout. You guys just accomplished something big and deserve to celebrate.
May 21, 2010 8:59 am
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Congrats! I can totally feel ya on that bread winner thing. My fiance is a small business owner and for several years, it was totally up to me to bring home the bacon, make sure the bills are paid and that everyone could go to the dentist. No matter how hard it was at times, how I wish I could chase down a cool vs. practical job, it was worth it to support him in his dream – after all, he was doing it for a better life for US. I’m glad that you both are starting to realize the fruits of your struggles.
May 21, 2010 10:47 am
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Congratulations to you both! And yes, this is exactly what it’s all about.
May 23, 2010 1:48 pm
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Wow. Now I know how my boyfriend must have felt watching me cross that stage at my own graduation. We weren’t together the entire time I got my master’s but the time we were together was filled with his supportive words and actions. Not to mention quite a number of small fights because I came home WIRED at 11pm and tried to recap all my classes while he fixed me dinner at the end of his own long day. It is not easy living with us graduate school people. Thanks for such lovely words and congratulations! Good luck on getting through the bar together!
June 14, 2010 5:03 pm
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Hi Meg,
Sorry I’m a bit late to the party; I’ve been making my way through your archives for the past week (spending the summer as an unemployed undergrad has some advantages) and been doing a fine job of lurking, but this post really resonated with me. As a pre-pre-engaged twentysomething with grad school on the too-quickly-approaching horizon and an unknown future with the Boy, what you wrote is an awesome reminder that though the road of life is wrought with challenges and hard work and stress and uncertainty, IT* can be done. And when IT is done, it’s amazing.
*grad school, law school, finding a job, finding an apt/house, etc.
Thanks again for all your words of wisdom
June 25, 2010 2:10 pm
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[...] three years, I turned 30, moved to San Francisco, started making a lot more than $18,000 a year, helped put my husband through law school, saved a heck of a lot more than a few thousand dollars, started my own business, helped pay for [...]
July 11, 2010 4:50 am
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[...] three years, I turned 30, moved to San Francisco, started making a lot more than $18,000 a year, helped put my husband through law school, saved a heck of a lot more than a few thousand dollars, started my own business, helped pay for [...]
July 11, 2010 5:56 am
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[...] three years, I turned 30, moved to San Francisco, started making a lot more than $18,000 a year, helped put my husband through law school, saved a heck of a lot more than a few thousand dollars, started my own business, helped pay for [...]
July 11, 2010 6:25 pm
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[...] three years, I turned 30, moved to San Francisco, started making a lot more than $18,000 a year, helped put my husband through law school, saved a heck of a lot more than a few thousand dollars, started my own business, helped pay for [...]
July 12, 2010 2:32 am
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lollll
August 22, 2011 1:48 pm
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