Comments on: Ask Meg (and she’ll ask someone else): Sex, Waiting, and Weddings

By: DNA

DNA — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 05:36:52 +0000

I know this post is old, and maybe this wasn’t even the intention in the first place, but I just want to put it out there that kinks and degrading forms of sex are not the same thing. Just wanted to sprinkle some kink-positiveness. :)

By: Annearky

Annearky — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 06:05:01 +0000

The worst thing in the world is being tied to someone who you are completely sexually mis-matched with. It’s an absolute nightmare.

I’m with Amy 100%. It’s not “selling fear,” it’s common sense – discover who you are as a sexual being (and what kinky shit you’re into) before you decide who you’re going to be sleeping with, every night, without exception, for the rest of your life.

By: Darla

Darla — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 06:59:50 +0000

Liz,

I have to say when I started reading your article tonight I was strongly impressed by your thoughts and insights. I got married 2 years ago, and my husband and I waited to have sex before we got married. In fact we had both decided to save our selves for marriage. I am impressed by your strong opinion and grateful that my husband and I are not the only people out there saving themselves for marriage. I am also impressed by your thoughts and insights and wish I had this article 2 years ago before I got married. Your ideas and thoughts are so on the nose of some of the things my husband and I did, with few exceptions. I love your braveness and amazing talent for writing.

Thank-you for writing this!
D

By: Annearky

Annearky — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:09:01 +0000

Aaaaah! Me too! :D ONS at a house party with all manner of debaucherous goodness going on. Neither one of us was in our right frame of mind, but he was going back overseas in two days (No, really.) and we figured it was a pretty cool idea. Plus there was a giant beanbag chair in the house and damned if I wasn’t going to make use of it.

No idea what we will tell our children.

I have never understood waiting, myself.

By: liz

liz — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 20:25:01 +0000

hi, alexander! i guess 300+ comments is a lot to read through, so i’ll do a brief recap of some of the topics already mentioned:

-spirituality was excluded from the conversation at hand entirely. i did NOT say that all christians believe sex would send you to hell. but i DID reference the common thought- that those who abstain from sex (no matter their religion) do so from fear of hell-fire. there are many who have various religious takes on the issue of abstinence, none of which i addressed. i simply made it a point that i do not equate sex with damnation.

-the “bible thumper” term was also addressed previously. i did not use the term, but it was discussed that it is not a general term for all of those who believe in the bible- just those who perhaps are aggressive in forcing their beliefs on others.

By: liz

liz — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 20:19:58 +0000

i CRINGE about that reference now.

so a full explanation- i’m an english teacher, and a LOT of classic literature references the abelard and heloise thing as an example of romance at its truest. that’s all. i did NOT know the complete history until a previous commenter clued me in, and i would remove the reference completely if i could. but it’s there, and it’s wrong, and it’s based in my incomplete knowledge.

By: Alli

Alli — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 21:13:05 +0000

I agree too!

I’m engaged now and we’re planning on getting married next summer. My fiance and I did not wait until we were married, but we waited two and a half years into the relationship and we’re at over six now. We are each other’s first and only. It’s made it very easy for us as far as hurt feelings and the like would go and I don’t regret the decision to wait at all. I’m glad it gave us time to be sure of each other, our intentions, and feelings. It meant a lot to me that he was willing to wait with me (and encouraged that waiting like I did). If we were older and didn’t have to deal with waiting for graduate school to be over to be married we may have waited til marriage. However, waiting 7 years just seemed a bit over-the-top for us.

By: Jessy

Jessy — Tue, 31 May 2011 14:39:12 +0000

All I can say is “Wow” and “Thank you” to Liz, Meg, and everyone else for all the amazing stories and advice. I have read probably only the first twenty or so comments (I would have read more, but it is 7am and I need to get ready for school at some point today). Anyway, my story is simple. (And here I apologize for this and all following parenthesis) I am 17 and currently in a relationship with an amazing guy who is twenty (more about him later). I am a virgin and I always thought that I would wait until marriage, but now I’m not so sure about waiting. Because of the age difference, we are not “officially dating” yet, we’ve made out a few times (and our chemistry… Amazing!), but for the next four and a half months, the brakes are on for even that. We are talking about sex for after I turn 18 (the four and a half months). By then I will be attending the same college as him (not on purpose, we live in a college town). We dated briefly two years ago before he graduated high school, but neither of us was mature enough to really know what we wanted out of a relationship. We stayed friends until about two and a half months ago, and let me tell you – that kiss would have kicked any Hollywood romance scene in the a$$. Anyway, since then we have spent some time getting to know each other better and talking about what may happen after I turn 18. When this relationship first started again, I told him that I was waiting until marriage to have sex, he respected that decision. I have grown up in a conservative religious home and being a “Waiter” is just who I was brought up to be. I even got a purity ring a few years back, although, it got lost like pretty much all the rest of my jewelry does- a sign perhaps? I also think that there is nothing as romantic as losing your virginity to a fellow virgin on your wedding night. In the past month, we have talked about the possibility of sharing our First Time together when I’m 18 – after I’m ready. We have been talking about it like it is going to be a sure thing, that we are going to have this romantic night together someday in the near future, but after talking about it and reading some comments, hear and elsewhere, I am starting to reaffirm my first beliefs. I don’t want him to think I am trying to rush him into commitment. I know what many of you will say, “Unless he is ready to be committed to you, you should wait.” Some of you may get this, but maybe not: Even if he is not “The One” he is the one I want my first time to be with. I know he cares about me so much, and I know that we can talk about this together. I guess my comment is more of a melodramatic plea for advice. Should I make him wait until he (if he) puts a ring on my finger, or should we just let what will happen, happen after I turn 18? If I lose my virginity before I’m married, am I going to regret it?

By: Siobhan B

Siobhan B — Mon, 02 May 2011 14:47:37 +0000

I completely agree with this entire article. I won’t be a virgin on my wedding night but I have only had one sexual partner and that is my Husband to be. I am an abuse victim and so my first time was probably a lot more sensitive a topic and had a few extenuating circumstances which lead the process to being quite similar to “waiting” with talking, having set boundaries about what we were willing to try and others we would leave for a while.

I think this process alone lead to a relationship that I don’t think I could have had previously. In fact, its one thing that I tell a lot of my friends, even those who are currently sexually active. “Slow down, enjoy the process”. Its sometimes hard to stop seeing sex as “the goal” and instead as just the beautiful, bonding experience it can be.

By: alece

alece — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:38:34 +0000

this is, by far, the best thing i’ve ever read on the subject. thank you for being willing to tackle such a complicated and awkward-to-talk-about issue — in such a real way.