Ok. So. I'm trying to figure out how to tell you guys the story of this weekend - one of the most mind-blowlingly amazing, life changing and intense weekends of my life. It was a weekend that made me so profoundly grateful for each one of you - the commenters, the lurkers, the listeners the writers, the cheerer-oners of each other. Profoundly, profoundly grateful. But to tell this story I'm going to need to back up a little bit and start at the beginning.
On April 21, 2003, a few days after my 23rd Birthday. I found Andrea Scher's website. On the website there was a link that said "journal," And I thought, "What does that mean? What's an online journal?" (ha!) and that's when I found out what a blog was. I've written about the rollercoaster ride that was my 20's in New York City working in the arts. It was a hard and confusing time, and Andrea, this woman I'd never met or spoken to, held my hand through all of it. What she wrote helped me figure out who I was and what I wanted and how I was going to make that happen.
Flash forward to 2006, when David and I were preparing to uproot our lives, take a step toward adulthood and move to San Francisco. Right around that time, I fell headfirst into Maggie Mason's writing at Mighty Girl. Maggie was five years older than me (big sister age, and I don't have a big sister) and lived in San Francisco. But more than that, she was, and continues to be, this amazing woman who wrote her own rules for life. She was having a baby and staying in her one bedroom apartment in the city, building a career that didn't really exist yet (professional blogger), and was blowing every preconception of motherhood out of the water (travel all over the world with your son during his first year? Done!) Maggie, this woman I'd never met, held my hand through my late 20's, my move to San Francisco, my engagement, planning my marriage. She gave me faith I could live life on my terms, even when people told me it was impossible. David likes to call Maggie, "Meg's Oprah" or "Meg's biggest celebrity." True. Also, I always just wanted to hang out with her, because it seems like we'd get ALONG.
So last year Maggie through this crazy amazing party for a bunch of her blogger friends, in one of my favorite places on this planet. I literally stared at the website for the event for two weeks last year thinking, "I have to go to this party next year. I have to. I just have to figure out a way." Which of course made no sense, since at that point I had a non-pro website, and didn't know Maggie, or anyone she knew. But I had to go. I was totally sure of that.
So a few months ago, Maggie announced she was doing the party again this year, but different. This time it was going to be called Mighty Summit, and was for women leaders in media. It was going to be all about life lists and realizing dreams. And they were taking applications for attendees. So, obviously, I applied within 24 hours, even though I knew I didn't have a shot of getting it. I mean, please.
And then I got in.
So, I spent this weekend, with a group of the most amazing and intimidating women on the planet. I didn't know them when I got there. When I looked at the list of attendees, I saw among others, one of the most popular bloggers in the world, the woman who invented Movable Type and owns Typekit, an Oprah show producer, the user experience manager at You Tube, and dear God, both Maggie Mason and Andrea Scher. As you might imagine, I was thrilled, but I mostly spent the days leading up to the conferance feeling like I was going to puke from fear. I mean, whatthef*ck?
And now I'm home from the most emotionally intense weekend of my life.
We spent the weekend doing a lot of amazing things that we were beyond lucky to get to experience. We went wine tasting, we had amazing food, we got presents, we got massages. It was great to feel taken care of for a weekend. Blogging can be draining, and sometimes I get emotionally tapped out. And this weekend I was not in charge. I was taken care of and I was cheered for by three women I didn't know, for no damn reason other than they thought I was worth it.
But that wasn't the point, at all. All of that was fun, but extraneous. What the weekend was about was 30 of the most amazing women you've ever met, sharing their stories and figuring out they could help each other. It was about always saying yes to each other, about saying, "Not only do I believe you can do that, I believe you can do something ten times bigger. And I believe you have a responsibility to do it, and to help change the world, and I will personally do everything I can to help you accomplish your dreams." And it was about all of you guys too. It was about this movement we've created together, as women in the social media space. It was about continuing to shape that into a force to be reckoned with. It was about shaking up the media establishment. Of telling our stories, your stories.
I don't want us to be silent in the face of the wedding industry anymore, on a big media level. I want to her WOMEN'S stories, WOMEN'S experiences. I want the wedding stories being told to be about the bride who fed her family at In-N-Out after her Las Vegas Elopement, about the bride who bravely called off her wedding, about the industrial designer bride who made her wedding dress out of chopped up scraps of lace. I want the stories to be about gay weddings, non-white weddings, small weddings. I want there to be a place for all of us to tell our honest stories about marriage and sex and money. I want smart and funny women to speak up and speak out and stand up for each other. We've got that at APW, and I want MORE of that, much more. I want it to grow and grow and grow.
And this weekend, I saw a microcosm of dream. I saw the revolution gaining steam. I stayed up till 2 in the morning two nights in a row, while we sat in the hot tub and each told a short version of our life story. I saw that these women I was intimidated by had amazing stories of love and grit and survival. I heard about miscarriages, surviving drug addiction, of homelessness, of fending for themselves at 17, of losing a child. And I marveled that these women who had been through more than I could ever guess and who were never handed anything, had drawn their power togetherand built marvelous things. They had said yes to life, they had asked for what they wanted, they had taken risks and worked past the fear.
These women have big dreams, but their dreams are about more than just themselves. On lunch on our last day, we went around the table and everyone stood up and asked for help accomplishing something on their life list that they were going to work on this year. Mena Trott stood up and said she wanted to help 20 women learn to sew a dress, and could we let her teach us? Heather Armstrong stood up and asked her to help her give selflessly to those in need. Heather Sphor stood up and asked if we could help her find ways to support other women with children in neo natal intensive care, after losing her daughter. And someone else stood up (to be named at a later date), and asked for help throwing a wedding. A wedding the wasn't sure she deserved, with a baby, and not a lot of money.
So APW is going to take this project on. I'll be helping to throw a wedding for an amazing woman who deserves to have her relationship honored. Not just for her, but because I want to see women standing up and saying I will fight for your dreams, not just for mine. You know, what you do in the comments every day? That. I want to to that.
So thank you. I thought a lot about your brave, selfless, smart, unconditional support of each other this weekend. I thought about the way you challenge each other and give each other wedding dresses and cheer for each other and support each other when things get dark. You all are my miracle, and I'm so grateful for that.
Now it's time to kick some ass.
Pictures: Intel sponsored photography for the weekend, so I never had to pick up d*mn camera. You can see the whole set here. There were also a million other unbelievably thoughtful sponsors, who made this weekend something everyone could come to, money or no. I'm really grateful to them. The weekend wouldn't have been what it was if it was open to just those of us who could afford to spend a pile o' money right this second.
PS Can you think of a better place then Mighty Summit to spend the last hours of Yom Kippur? To pray for renewal and returning as the gates close? Yeah. Me neither.
This post makes me feel happy and teary and EMPOWERED.
Let’s throw this girl the best damn wedding that’s ever hit the blogosphere, y’all.
September 21, 2010 1:40 pm
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I am so so so glad that I got to meet you this last weekend. Your energy is lemonade. Refreshingly awesome lemonade.
And I’m in. Whatever you need. You know how I love an event.
September 21, 2010 1:53 pm
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Oh Meg, you’ve made me weepy–weepy and wanting to kick ass at the same time. I didn’t think that was possible.
It was SO wonderful to get to meet you this weekend–to listen to your passion and intelligence and humor. You’ve inspired me and I keep thinking about my blog mission, as you spoke so eloquently about yours.
I’ll be cheering you on as you continue to rock it, sister.
xox
–Tara
September 21, 2010 1:55 pm
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Let me know if I can help, Meg. I’d love to do something :)
And I second pretty much everyone here when I say that you’re an inspiration to Meg. I’m so happy I’ve gotten to know you! (to be honest, Jordan pokes fun at how often you’re mentioned around our home…)
September 21, 2010 2:00 pm
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you know, correct grammar could be cool. “You’re an inspiration *too* Meg.” Cold medicine is getting the best of me!
September 21, 2010 2:02 pm
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Meg, I love you. You already know it, but it needs to be said.
(Also, count me in.)
September 21, 2010 2:06 pm
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I haven’t read all the comments yet so someone may have said this already – but….
THIS is what makes APW stand out. How many other team practical members are married already and still read this blog, like me? Tons! How many other ‘wedding’ blogs can say that? It’s because this blog is about more than weddings. It may take a wedding to get us here (most of us) but it’s something else that keeps us here. I feel like I’ve found a group of people that just want to be themselves, do their thing, ad feel empowered doing it – whether it’s their wedding or their life. But mostly both. That’s why I love this site.
And nice work Meg!
September 21, 2010 2:14 pm
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I think I read APW *more* now that I’m married? Pre-wedding I was all over Offbeat Bride and East Side Bride and a few other places, but now? APW is can’t miss and everything else has been dropped from circulation.
September 23, 2010 6:04 am
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You know I’ve thought this about you since the very beginning.
Way to do it up, dear lady; way to make it big. I am utterly proud of you.
And I will fight for your dreams and not just for mine.
xoxoxo
September 21, 2010 3:23 pm
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It sounds like a great weekend. Hopefully after all these comments you realize that your blog is just as appreciated as some of the bloggers (also awesome) that you look up to.
The wedding idea is awesome. I was just telling someone that my idea of a perfect wedding is one where other people plan it for me. It also means that we can all “reuse” the wedding planning skills we’ve picked up which are otherwise a one time use deal huzzah!
September 21, 2010 3:28 pm
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Every time I think it’s not possible to love APW and this community more, you all have to go prove me wrong! Amazing, every bit of it.
September 21, 2010 3:44 pm
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Amazing! I would love to help when the time comes. APW has been a huge source of inspiration for me and I would love to give back.
Keep us updated on the dress. I’m not sure what to do with my dress and I’ve been thinking more and more about passing it on.
September 21, 2010 3:45 pm
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I am so, SO glad I met you this weekend. I think you are awesome and spunky, and have I talked to you about your body (your HAIR’S body)?
And that thing we spoke about on the bus? I’m here to help.
September 21, 2010 4:22 pm
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Not that it needs to be repeated, but Meg, you’re totally my big sister this year. I moved, redesigned my life, and preplanned my someday wedding with you by my side. and that’s all for gushing, promise! :)
Let’s throw this family the wedding they deserve, yeah?
September 21, 2010 9:37 pm
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I have never posted here before, but wanted to say thank you for all the fantastic work that goes in to this blog.
I am not engaged, I don’t know if i want to get married. I love coming here to consider what a marriage is, what it can be, what possibilities lie within it. I’m not going to pretend I don’t come here for the pretty pretty pictures as well! Thank you to all the people who share their stories, who work on this site and make it exist and thrive. Thank you Meg.
September 21, 2010 10:13 pm
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It sounds as if you has right now all the help you can need…but if you need something from spain, just ask! i will try to help even from the distance!!
September 22, 2010 12:14 am
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Ditto Australia!! I am in for the long-distance cheer squad, at the very least :D
September 22, 2010 3:33 am
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I’m so excited to see how APW throws a wedding. Brava, Meg!
September 22, 2010 10:49 am
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How wonderful!! I love the quote “I think the key is for women not to set any limits”
Individual contributions may be tough to coordinate, but I bet some of the the DC APW’s who came to the meetup would be willing to get together again to help get crafty and then we could ship the favors or centerpieces or whatever… I’m happy to host if needed!
September 22, 2010 10:59 am
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Meg—-any idea on when this wedding is happening? I know the bride is yet to be revealed….but I figured I could offer this: I am getting married June 18th of next year, and will have lots of lovely things that I’d be happy to gift post-party. We’re moving the next week after the wedding anyway, so if the timing coincided with her plans, all the better!
We’ll have cake stands, many many antique dessert plates, handcrafted glass lanterns, vases. We’ll likely have more but this is just the start of what we have compiled so far. Shipping’s on me.
September 22, 2010 11:07 am
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Meg!
What you’ve created here is incredible. I’m so lucky to have met you. Please send me an invitation to the wedding, ok? I think your readers know how to throw a party!
September 22, 2010 2:24 pm
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First time poster, long-time reader. Would be happy to pitch in and help out!
September 22, 2010 4:44 pm
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Yay for this, and for this wedding- if I’m right about who it’s for, too, triple yay, because I love her. I’m out of town, so my contribution will have to be mailed, but I’d be honored to make the favors! (salted caramels anyone?)
September 23, 2010 6:28 am
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Maggie Mason and Andrea Scher have been inspirations to me too! I am new to your blog but so pleased that you had this experience. Reading many of these stories have been a kick in the bum to get me motivated to start a blog to reshape my life and goals. Thank you for being yet another inspiration kick ass woman out there!
September 27, 2010 9:38 am
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You know… I’ve been reading this blog pretty silently but I felt I had to say something. This is exactly what we need to see more of; from all corners. It’s fantastic to see people coming together who aren’t necessarily doing things in the way that is expected of them; and it’s even more fantastic to see those people stand up and say “I’m going to do this amazing thing in my lifetime, but it’s a big task. Would anyone be willing to lend a hand?” I don’t see that happen nearly often enough from women, and almost never with men (at least not in a setting devoid of machismo).
September 27, 2010 10:15 am
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It is so easy and far too common an occurrence that women bring each other down. They tug, they tear, they rip each others hearts out because it’s just…. easy. It’s protective, it’s primitive, it’s instinctual, it’s vengeful, and it’s done too much. Groups of women have the nasty habit of turning, well, nasty. But APW doesn’t. On a regular basis, we check ourselves (before we wreck ourselves, hollaaa), we try to stay honest and real without turning to hate or spite. We discuss and debate and allow intelligence and respect dominate. We are smart, witty, sassy, fun women who share our opinions (LOUDLY), but allow for change and allow for differences. This is a community where instead of dragging people down, we lift other women up. It’s what I love about APW, and what keeps me coming back for more.
I’m glad you got a good, healthy, rejuvenating weekend away, Meg, and we are proud to be your constituents. And we’re ready for your project– bring it on.
September 28, 2010 5:48 pm
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In large part thanks to my delete button (Says the girl who’s been moderating some crazy disrespectful and flat out mean comments of late. Sigh.)
September 28, 2010 5:57 pm
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Also?
Right around that time, I fell headfirst into Maggie Mason’s writing at Mighty Girl. Maggie was five years older than me (big sister age, and I don’t have a big sister) and lived in San Francisco. But more than that, she was, and continues to be, this amazing woman who wrote her own rules for life. [...] Maggie, this woman I’d never met, held my hand through my late 20’s, my move to San Francisco, my engagement, planning my marriage. She gave me faith I could live life on my terms, even when people told me it was impossible. [...] Also, I always just wanted to hang out with her, because it seems like we’d get ALONG.
Ditto (five years apart, amazing woman who writes her own rules, leading me through engagement and marriage…). So, y’know. You belong there with those awesome women, because YOU are inspiring other women, too. Thanks.
September 28, 2010 5:52 pm
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Aww man, you gave me goosebumps and made me tear up.
What a great recap of one of the most remarkable weekends to date. Seriously, made of awesome.
September 29, 2010 7:07 pm
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[...] Here and [...]
September 30, 2010 4:25 pm
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So much hooray. Hurrah for the blogosphere! :D
October 17, 2010 8:19 pm
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[...] Life List. Or Mighty List. Or the other things currently orbiting the blogosphere right [...]
October 22, 2010 5:17 am
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[...] — I applied) but so many of my fellow applicants did a much better job than I would have done explaining [...]
February 20, 2011 8:05 pm
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[...] were getting ready to leave for California the day Meg at A Practical Wedding wrote this post. I was taking a break from packing to look at the internet, and as soon as I read that post I knew [...]
April 26, 2011 2:10 pm
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Late night run through APW archives. Like you do. Especially during times like finals. Or, y’know, waiting to order new books.
Whatever happened to this wedding? I found APW recently enough that I might have missed a grad post or other follow-up.
December 6, 2011 10:20 pm
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