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Pulling On The Boots


by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

Pulling On The Boots | A Practical Wedding

This weekend, David and I decided to go out to dinner on Sunday night. Somewhere fun, just the two of us. We hadn’t done this in a while, and we’d been off doing our own things all day (Him – tailgating… yes, even intellectual types do this occasionally in Northern California. Me – watching a Sister Wives marathon, drinking tea, and working a little). So we picked a super hipster gastro-pub, and I meandered off to get dressed.

I figured I’d just wear my normal uniform, jeans and flats and an over-sized sweater, and dress it up with jewelry and makeup. I’d look cute enough, it would be easy. And then I found myself thinking back on the post about inspiration, and my conversation with Rebecca. How much harder is it to put on a skirt and tights than jeans? Instead of complaining that I never get a chance to put together an outfit, why didn’t I dress it up?

So I did. I pulled on the tiered grey skirt, and the black tights, and the wooden necklace I got at Mighty Summit. And then I reached for my flats. And right next to the flats were my grey cowboy boots, the ones I thrifted in Brooklyn this spring and almost never wear. So what the hell? I put them on.

And then I stood in front of the mirror wondering if I was the kind of girl who wore grey cowboy boots and black tights out to dinner. Was I, really? Was I that hip, ever? What would it take to be that girl?

And then I realized. What it would take to be that girl was wearing the outfit out of the house. That was it.

I had, after all, already been brave enough to buy the damn boots in the first place, I might as well wear them. So I twittered the outfit as proof, and clunked my way out the door. And you know what? I was one of the cutest damn girls in that hipster pub. And I loved it.

I’m telling you this story not to talk about fashion (because do we care what I wear on my feet? Not really.) I’m telling you this because it seems like an apt sum up for my life this last month. Since I got back from Mighty Summit, I wrote about the inspiration that I took away from that weekend, about challenging my relationship with money, and about actually going for what inspires us. And ever since then I’ve been gunning for my big goals and dreams.

And let me tell you, I’d almost forgotten what this feels like. Which is, in sum, hard. It’s exhausting.I’m used to the constant day-to-day work of making projects happen. See: this blog. Every so often I get emails about blogging, where people ask me what my secret is. Did I hire a publicist when I first started? (Ha! No! Never have!). Did I design a big fancy site right away? (Um. No. Do we forget the-hell-that-was-blogger so quickly?) Did I have amazing contacts when I started? (Uhhh… definitely not). The real truth is, there is no secret to blogging other than work. Write. Write your heart out five days a week for about a year. After that, write your heart out three days a week and share reader stories two days a week if you want. Keep writing. Know where you want to go, and keep looking up at it, even when it seems impossibly far away. Know what your voice sounds like. Write in it. Write more. Does this sound tiring? It really, really, really is. But it’s also awesome. It’s a world were a bunch of women with no particular wealth or privilege can create amazing work, build supportive communities, and get the world to pay attention to their ideas. That’s worth every second of the drudgery.

So that, I’m used to. I’ve been writing APW for two and a half years now, five days a week. I know the drill of work, and most days I love it. What I’m not used to any more is the dreaming bigger, and the rejection. I’d forgotten how it felt to go on auditions and get told no, over and over again. I’d forgotten what it was like to apply for theatre jobs where 70 other amazingly qualified, fantastically educated people were applying for the same job, paying (sad-trombone) $27K a year in New York City (I got that particular job, for the record). I’d forgotten what it was like to knock on door after door after door, and get told no, over and over again. I’d forgotten how depressing it was. I’d forgotten how determined it can make you. I’d forgotten that confusing, partially excited, mostly terrified feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach when someone finally says yes. I’d almost forgotten that art is my hustle.

But over these last few weeks I’ve remembered. I’ve felt the instantaneous swoop of despair you feel at ‘no.’ I’d felt the confusing terror of ‘yes.’ I remembered that what it  takes to be the girl in the grey cowboy boots, is just pulling on the d*mn boots and walking out of the house, head held high. It’s hard. It’s emotional. It’s exhausting. But it’s also invigorating.

Because f*ck em. You pulled on the boots and you wore them. And girlfriend to girlfriend? I don’t really care if they told you ‘no,’ you looked hot. Because nothing looks quite as good as bravery.

Photo: That’s me in the grey boots at Mighty Summit. Taken by Maile Wilson of Daily Relish and the amazing Epiphanie Camera Bags (go look at her new beautiful site! Yee-haw! Go, ladies, go!)

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and son. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

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  • Carbon Girl

    Thanks, Meg. While I use every excuse I can to wear a cute outfit out to dinner, I am having a really hard time dealing with rejection at work. Academia–where you put your heart in soul into project after project only to get rejected for grant funding and papers rejected for publication–can be completely disheartening. I got a handful of rejections in early September and I kind of had to stop working on papers for awhile and work on other pursuits (more time with husband, more time with friends, and some lab work). Only now do I feel like I can begin working again . . . Maybe I need some work “boots” something to symbolize I am going to keep pursuing my dream whatever work it takes.

    • Amanda

      Feel the same… trying hard to get a job as a vet / biologist, in the public health area, and since I still am not fluent in he language here I keep getting rejected and it is hard.
      But this post is inspiring.
      Working on learning the language and keep trying and thinking about my dream, cause we will get there :)
      All support to you too .
      And thanks Meg
      BTW just got some lace tigths with tiny flowers and I am trying to figure out how to pull an outfit together with them, so this post is also inspiring in that sense :p

    • Lauren

      I returned from my honeymoon to a scathing rejection letter for an article I had submitted to a top journal. (I’m also in academia). I knew it was a long shot, but it was still really disappointing to read the reviews, especially since I was on such a high from the honeymoon and the big bad world came crashing back all too quickly:) I definitely think one needs to put rejections like that in a proverbial drawer for a few days/weeks and focus on feeling good before tackling the work again!

      • ElfPuddle

        hugs from the unemployed teacher who keeps getting invited to apply for jobs…and then doesn’t get the job

        • http://bride-sans-tulle.blogspot.com Sharon

          Oh, academia. Nothing can get you down quite as quickly, eh? *hugs all around*

    • peanut

      academia is nuts. I have seriously lost track of the number of days I have felt both exhilarated and crushed at the same time.

  • http://etsy.com/shop/CorrineONeill Corrine O’Neill

    I feel like we’ve all been to Mighty Summit. It’s kinda cliche but I think we all need to hear it and reinforce it for ourselves: be brave because you’re worth it. Whatever your particlar “it” is.

    Also, I like the point about working toward your goal rather than feeling down about where you are beginning from. Keep working and you will get there.

    • meg

      Um. I feel RAD about where I’m beginning from :) That’s why I’m not used to hearing ‘no’ anymore. I just sort of built a world where I hear yes a lot. APW has been really sucessful, and that’s great. But to really grow and really push yourself… you need to be hearing the word no, or you’re not pushing hard enough. I’m finally starting to push hard enough, which is a great thing. But MAN it’s tiring.

      • http://etsy.com/shop/CorrineONeill Corrine O’Neill

        Meg, my reference about not feeling down about where you’re starting from was actually me thinking about the questions people ask you about blogging and my own despair sometimes when I look at other successful businesses in my particular section of the industry. It’s easy to get caught up in all the things you’d like in the longterm; like those new bloggers may want original/user generated content and rad sponsors. But if you focus on what you don’t have yet, rather than get to work writing or creating or whatever it is you do, you’ll never get to your goals.

        Did that make any sense? lol

        • meg

          Ah, yes. In that case just write. Dream of what you want, and then start writing it. The rest will come, in expected and totally unexpected ways, if you show up every day and do the work.

          • http://etsy.com/shop/CorrineONeill Corrine O’Neill

            Exactly! Well, I’m not obviously not a writer ( I’m an accessory designer) but it’s the same idea. Personally, I’ve got to be ready to hear no. There is a whole area of wholesale business I’m not going after because I hate selling (I just like creating pretty things).

  • http://www.ukuleleinrouen.blogspot.com Kinzie Kangaroo

    My mom gave me a birthday card this weekend that had a picture of a very colorful child from the ankles down, who was wearing white tennis shoes scribbled in with marker, and some bright glittery socks. And the caption says “Don’t blend in.”

    It wasn’t until just now that I thought about what that can really mean in life. Thank you for guiding me along that thought-path today.

    Have a great Tuesday, everyone!

  • http://townhousetohome.blogspot.com adria

    As someone who recently dove into the world of blogging, this post couldn’t be more timely! (Reason #2389475 why I love this site, and Meg, and all the other contributors to this site!)

    I think it was either yesterday or the day before that I had a moment of “why the hell should I blog if no one is going to read it?” and just as quickly as that thought came into my head, it was kicked out by “i’m blogging for my own sanity, and if it helps someone along the way, great! but this, this tiny corner of the internet is mine and I’m going to put myself out there and see what happens”. And it is totally invigorating. It’s freeing. It’s putting it out there and mulling it over or letting it go and moving forward in life (and in wedding planning…as it may be).

    As for the boots? Love ‘em!

    • http://www.otheramusements.com Someone

      One of the things I like about blogging is that it gives me a reason to get things finished. If I post that I started something – I feel bad about not posting the results. Even if no-one else really cares!

      • http://onecatperperson.blogspot.com Angie

        Definitely true. A system of accountability.

      • http://www.mysanfranciscobudgetwedding.wordpress.com Sarah

        I’m always surprised at discovering which posts really touch a nerve and which fall flat, which is why I keep writing every day even if one day I’m a little off, because who knows? Maybe tomorrow’s post will hit the right chord. Of course, I’m aware that there are more scientific methods available, but for now, I like the hit-and-miss approach.

    • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com ka

      Adria: I had this exact crisis yesterday. I was thinking, why am I putting work into something that no one reads? And I realized 2 things: a) of course no one reads it–I’m too chicken shit to even send an email to my girlfriends telling them to read it, and b) I didn’t start the damn thing for people to read it, I started to keep a record of all the people and places and things I stumble across in life and fall in love with. But when I come here and see this extraordinary community, I can’t help but think, I want that!

      Heading over to read your blog now! :)

      • meg

        But, may I point out, you have that, right here!

        Managing a community like this is a lot harder than it looks. I have lots of days I wish I was just one of y’all, splashing around in the APW community. Which isn’t to say I don’t appreciate what this site has become, I do! I’m just pointing out, you already get a lot of the juice of this particualar community. And when you’re ready to reall share your blog, you’ll start getting your own, more difficult community that you have to manage, over there too :)

        • http://abouttobe.wordpress.com Mary

          “I have lots of days I wish I was just one of y’all, splashing around in the APW community.”

          Meg, I think you need to start going undercover on your own blog. :D

        • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com ka

          Hah, as I was writing this I was thinking about your comment from Friday about Alyssa knowing what you go through. I can’t even imagine how difficult/stressful/time-consuming/pick-your-adjective it must be. And every time I read a disapproving (I say disapproving because as a former ballet dancer, I can take criticism, but never conquered disapproval) comment on this blog, or any other, I think about how awful that must feel, and how you have to let it roll off your back and keep on moving forward. As much as it scares me, I think it’s a incredibly valuable lesson to learn, and a blog might be just the place to do that.

    • http://sarahsurgeon.blogspot.com sarah

      precisely why i blog- because it helps me process my life. and i feel like putting my thoughts out there forces me to reflect on things in a concrete way. if people read what i write, its a bonus.

  • Faith

    I’m so thrilled you wore the boots!

    Inspired to just put the things on already!

  • Liana

    “Because nothing looks quite as good as bravery.”
    I bought my first real pair of cowboy boots this weekend with my brother who bought his first pair too…and I got to say, we look rocking. Even if no one thinks so. I love those boots and I’m gonna wear them proud because like you said, “nothing looks quite as good as bravery”
    I needed that post this morning! This blog is the best. Thanks again for it.

  • http://onecatperperson.blogspot.com Angie

    So, so timely for me. But 1.) Isn’t APW always there to teach us something we’re searching for, but not really sure what it is we need? And 2.) I think there’s something we’re always in fear of – not being good enough, being told no, failing, being shot down. It’s about time we all put on our most awesomest of boots and gets-ta-stepping.

    I wonder if could do mini-Mighty Summit meet ups with our book club groups?

    • http://abouttobe.wordpress.com Mary

      YES PLEASE on the mini-Mighty Summit meetups.

  • http://sogladthatyouexist.blogspot.com ninabb

    I’ve been needing a post like this lately! Thank you!

  • B$

    this is my favorite post maybe. doubt so easily keeps the “girl in grey cowboys boots” inside my head and never out in the world. today in going to wear the fab pumps and dress to work today even though i sit behind a desk and no one sees me!

    thanks!

  • Marisa-Andrea

    More thoughtful post later when I have more time. I just had to say first CUTE outfit! Ok, that’s all for now :-)

  • Cupcake

    This post reminds me of my mom, in the best way possible. She is always telling me, “Why not”? You like flamingos? Don’t be shy about your pink dangly bird earrings then. You like argyle? Pull those knee socks up! And if you like just wearing buttoned shirts over jeans, wear one every day and don’t care who thinks it’s odd. Bravery is relative, and we have to live it to feel it.

  • Michele

    Giiiiiiiirl. I so need posts like this right now, so keep ‘em comin!

    I’ve been having a bit of an existential crisis (I might be exaggerating) lately, and it’s all tied up in exactly this.

    A year and a half into marriage, and I realize I’ve gone and gotten a little too comfortable, a little too complacent. In fact, you might say I’m phoning it in. Not marriage, mind you, but LIFE. And you know what? It’s not cool.

    I could chalk it up to having let a little bit of my husband’s disposition rub off on me – by which I mean, he is by nature not the most pro-active, adventurous person in the world, and is quite content to be…quite content (which works for him). But I AM amongst the most pro-active, adventurous people in the world – or at least, I was – and I’ve let it slip away from me, which in essence feels as though I’ve let ME slip away from me. And that ain’t cool.

    I could blame it on the economy and say I should be happy just to have a job – ANY job, even if it’s one that’s utterly meaningless, unfulfilling, not at all a good fit for me, and clearly leading nowhere. But that’s bullshit. If I hear one more person say ‘there are no jobs,’ I’m going to scream, because you know what? There ARE jobs. And right now? Other people are getting them. Likewise, other people are pulling on their boots, saying ‘screw those jobs,’ and forging their own paths, starting their own businesses, and realizing great success, which is exactly what I would be doing if I were feeling more like myself.

    A couple weeks ago, I realized it’s time for me to buck-up, pull on MY boots, and get to work, because while I may have made it LOOK effortless, every great thing I’ve ever had in my life was the result of hard work, and lately? I’ve been lazy, lazy, lazy.

    • Maddie

      Grrrrlll I could have written this post. You know what’s the most frustrating? Is that in this economy there is such a guilt associated with wanting a more fulfilling career than what we have that we’re almost encouraged NOT to go for things. Don’t rock the boat. It’s a million times braver to demand more for yourself right now than I think it’s been a long while.

    • http://suburbaliciousliving.blogspot.com/ Lauren

      Augh! I could have written this post too. The year and half thing, the mellow husband, the formerly passionate about life me, the meaningless job- I FEEL you. Really.

      xo

      • Maddie

        These mellow husbands, right?! Do you know how many times he gives me a blank stare when I explain calmly to him that I would like to *enjoy* going to work every day? He’s totally a “work to make enough money to do the other stuff you wanna do” kinda guy. But he’s also been calling me a teacher’s pet since we were in high school, so really that should be an indicator of his laid-back boy vibe.

        • Michele

          Seriously! When I finally spoke up and talked to him about everything that’s been swirling around my head and heart a couple weeks ago, he was like ‘I just can’t believe I’ve got all these great things that I never thought I’d have, ya know? A decent job, a wife, our own house. I just want to enjoy it for a while.’

          And I get that. I really, really do. And I DO enjoy it. It’s just that it’s easy to get lost in that enjoyment and think ‘this is all I need,’ which for him might be true, but it’s not for me. I need fire in the belly.

          • Alyssa

            Dear God in heaven, we’re all married to the same man….

          • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

            I’m married to the same guy as the rest of you. Swear.

        • Tina

          To tie it all together… should we do an academic study on why girls with fire in their bellies get together with mellow guys? Intriguing… :)

  • http://www.fancynotion.blogspot.com/ Kerry

    Meg, your blog was one of those that inspired me to start my own – I appreciate your awesomeness that motivated me last year as well as these nuggets of inspiration today. Thanks :)

  • Liz A

    Awesome. I love dressing up just because. This post makes me think about the ideas of thriving and striving as opposed to just getting through the day. (I deleted surviving there because it’s a little too Dr. Seuss for the morning.) And boots are as good a reminder that we deserve that out of life as anything.

    ps, currently wearing my cowboy boots! I feel like I can kick any and all kinds of shit in them. Three cheers for empowering shoes!

  • http://abouttobe.wordpress.com Mary

    As someone who also just became brave enough to wear cowboy boots, I have to say: you ROCK those shoes, Meg!

    This post speaks to SO MUCH of what I’m trying to do in my life right now. Starting a baby family, starting a baby career, starting a baby blog (though not a blog ABOUT babies, mind you). Interestingly, I’m starting all of these baby things while trying to figure out how to be a grown-up.

    Keep these inspirational posts coming, Meg! I think we all need them, in some form or another.

    • http://www.ukuleleinrouen.blogspot.com Kinzie Kangaroo

      Mary, I just clicked on your name and started reading your blog and I’m loving it!

  • Estrella

    Funny, I’ve been thinking a lot about my work attire lately and this post came just at the right time. I taught second and third grade for the past eight years. The school I worked at was pretty casual, at least initially. Over the years, more and more younger/hipper staff were hired. While I coveted their cute outfits and simultaneously chided them for making what I assumed were poor choices–I mean, we do spend most of our days around paint, glue sticks and woodchips–I also wondered at the deeper implications. What kind of role models were we providing for our students if all the women wore impractical heels, clothes that couldn’t get dirty and never left the house without color-coordinating their accessories? I struggled with this, berating myself for being a prude, or maybe just jealous, victim to the woman-on-woman trash talking we’ve talked about on APW before. To be honest, I’m still not sure. This isn’t meant to be a criticism of claiming the a**-kicking kicks we all so greatly need and deserve. When I sport my boots, I feel powerful and sexy, so who am I to judge those other women for wanting the same? I think my feminist hippie self struggles between wanting to look good for ME vs. looking hot for other people. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.

    I’m no longer teaching, and these days I spend most of my time in attics and basements, moving boxes and making trips to the recycling center. The funny thing is, I miss the cute outfits! I miss caring about how I look when I go to work, rather than looking for the most practical shoes to be able to climb up the attic ladder. Guess that means I get to have twice as much fun when I go out after work, right?

  • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

    Dressing up has saved me a little bit lately. I have always loved fashion- on other people. I was like you Meg, just threw things on and went out the door.

    Then I got pregnant, felt pretty awesome and gained a bit of weight. I relished the roundness of my belly. Then I miscarried and my body felt so out of control. After some of the dust cleared and my body was just bigger and I was profoundly sad for so many reasons, I started to need to be dressed up. I bought some new dresses to disguise the belly, pulled on tights and boots and started to rock it a little again.

    So sometimes I look brave and sometimes I start feeling more brave because of it.

    • meg

      Oh, I never throw things on and go out the door. Ahh! Never! (It might be healty if I did ;) I’m as nitpicky about my personal style as I am about say, blog design, achem. I just have an established uniform of go-to stuff that I know looks great, and I don’t always take enough effort to break out fo that.

    • http://www.ukuleleinrouen.blogspot.com Kinzie Kangaroo

      I think this was one of the bravest and most insightful things I’ve ever read on APW or anywhere.

  • Pamela

    I am *loving* these “dream big” posts, Meg. Thank you.

    I just turned 30 yesterday, so this stuff is really timely for me – I spent my 20s sort of finding myself, and my voice, and my belief system, and I feel ready to rock it in my 30s. I have some big plans for this decade- new job, possibly a new career, a baby or two, a dog (god, I want that dog!) and lots of other dreams, like travel (would be husband’s first trip outside the US!) and writing and all kinds of other stuff. It’s so exciting, but yes, terrifying. I want this stuff so badly – I want to value myself – I want to put myself “out there” – but it’s so damn scary. But you’re right, Meg, it’s about putting on the boots and showing up. So that’s what I’m going to do.

  • merryf

    This post hits me to the core, and is breaking my heart because it’s My Truth that I’ve stopped being brave and started being paralyzed by Life. And it’s too bad I’m at work right now (in a job I outgrew years ago but it’s a JOB and HEALTH INSURANCE and I’m being PRACTICAL, sigh) because otherwise I’d be sobbing in the corner and writing something brilliant instead of this rambling stuff…

    • meg

      Giiiiiirrrrrrlllll. Don’t talk to me about health insurance. I’m still living that particular mess. I feel you there, don’t let that make you feel bad about yourself.

  • http://limadean.wordpress.com Nadine

    “Nothing looks quite as good as bravery.” I think I need to paint this on my closet door!

  • Pingback: An itch for a dream « Snowflakes in France()

  • http://memorableceremonies.blogspot.com/ Maureen Thomson

    I saw a little girl on the beach a few months ago. It was a windy, rainy day and she was dressed in a pink jacket, multi colored leg warmers, a lime green skirt, purple polka-dotted hat and yellow gloves. She was flying a kite in the rain. My first thought, “It’s easier to break the rules if you don’t know what they are in the first place.”

    Most times being brave means ignoring the dream-bashers–especially when one of ‘em is you.

    • Alyssa

      Does that make me a bad person or a good mom-to-be that my frist thought after reading this was, “A kite in the RAIN?! WHERE WAS HER MOTHER?”

  • http://jolynn.wordpress.com jolynn

    Need this right now. It’s spinning around in my head about how who I am in my head doesn’t fit who I am appearance wise. Needs to percolate a bit longer. I think this post just turned up the heat.

    • Tina

      Yes! I feel that way sometimes too. I especially feel that way about my entire closet right now. I want to hit the reset button. Cash is the biggest hindrance to that right now. I also think it has to do with being more comfortable in my own skin and realizing a lot of what I had is not my best self.

  • http://www.housebella.wordpress.com Sara @ House Bella

    Meg, you’re awesome. This post is exactly what I have been needing! I am starting up a new blog and I look at other well established blog lustily, like “Why can’t I be that well established in one month?” Because, Sara, it just doesn’t work that way.

    Thank you for being brave, and sharing, so we can all catch a bit of a your brave fever.

    • other Sara

      I know you bravely rock boots though, so don’t worry, you’ll get there! *hug*

  • Maddie

    This. Is. Awesome. So much awesome. First of all, I hate the way that owning the small-time things like cowboy boots and allowing them to be the embodiment of something bigger is looked down upon in some smart lady circles. Moving forward begins and ends with the little things and I really appreciate that you’re rocking it, Meg.

    Secondly, I love cowboy boots. I bought a pair for fifty cents in 2004 before they were all hipster cool and my friends made me swear on all that is holy that I would never wear them because they were fugly (they just didn’t get the potential). But lordy, did I LOVE those effing boots. And I wore them to the point where they literally fell apart and I felt awesome. So f*ck complacency and anything even remotely resembling it.

    And thirdly, I am so eternally grateful that there exists this forum where we can say to ourselves “This is what I want and I’m going for it, even if it sounds outrageous. Now let’s support each other.” I’ve just finished two years at the kind of job I’ve been preparing myself to have since high school and am realizing that it is not at all what I picture myself doing. Until recently I was surrounded by people who are in the same boat as me, but who have accepted their circumstances and who don’t want to hustle anymore and I found it frustrating and it killed my drive, my sense of empowerment, and saddest of all, my love of fashion (I wore head scarves tied in cute little buns to my first week of work, a la “Save the Last Dance”. THAT does not happen anymore and it makes me a little sad). But lately, I’ve been seeing these incredible women who are making themselves a little better each day, who are a few years older and who have had the shitty jobs before they made the better jobs for themselves, and you guys are doing incredible things in a forum that doesn’t inherently say no to us, and it makes me feel brave just to watch you guys.

    So in short (and long) I’m just really fucking awed by this community and the kind of bravery, self-awareness and mutual support that it inspires. Makes me really proud to be a girl.

    Oh, and I totally owe you an e-mail Meg, which I am totally working on. :)

  • http://emilytakesphotos.com Emily

    So, I know it’s not the point you’re making, but I now feel inspired to go into my closet, fish out those cowboy boots I’ve never worn, and actually wear them out today. Also, I’m going to make up some errands so I actually go out today! :P

    • meg

      Well, it was sort of the point. Go Emily! Kill the PJ’s! Rock the cowboy boots!

  • Amanda

    Hi Meg! Its nice to meet you =) Im a first time commenter, and it was no question that this would be the post to de-virginize me….okay maybe it WAS a question (ME: oh my GOSH, she wrote this post to ME…should I comment? NO.. i shouldnt..ill keep it to myself..should I? BFF: GO COMMENT!!!!) SO, here’s putting my left boot on…..you really hit this one on the head for me. My gf and I are always coming up with ideas and ways to make money in a way we would *want* to, you know, so we can quit our jobs and pay off allll our bills and live happily every after and blah blah blah. Some ideas are silly, crazy and unrealistic and some arent…either way we always end up laughing and shrugging it off. The ‘”but, what-if’s” take over and the doubt and the “yeah right, thatl’ll never happen”. But the other day, we came up with a really freaking great idea!! We came up with an awesome idea for a website that would benefit a lot of people! We were SO excited about it! And then the “but, what-if’s” took over and the questions and the doubt, and of course the fact that we dont know a thing about starting a website. THEN..the other night, im trying to fall asleep..and I kid you not, the last thing I heard, *loud and clear* was the comment that was mentioned in your Money & Self Worth post about Maggie saying to Cecily something along the lines of “Maybe you need to stop thinking about money for you, but instead think of funneling money through you out into your community.”
    And I literally sat up in bed and was like…*holy crap*!! We HAVE to do this! Why the ef NOT?! So Meg, thanks for the push…im gonna go put on the other boot =)

    • meg

      Yayyy!

  • http://metamorprose.wordpress.com/ Stephanova

    I totally struggle with breaking out of the cute jean uniform to go for something different. Much the same way I’m struggling with beating down many many many (similar) doors asking for employment and still being rejected over and over again. For some reason, when I composed my most recent Life List a couple weeks ago I put “own a pair of cowgirl” boots at the very tip-top. It is the only thing on there that has to do with owning a material good outright instead of a personal goal, or a dream or an adventure. I didn’t really think about why that was until now. And the conclusion I’ve come to (with your help) is that if I’m a cowgirl boot kinda girl, I better put on some f*cking cowgirl boots already! (Thanks for the reminder.)

    • http://livinglnf.blogspot.com Jo

      Wait, so I’m not the only person with “buy boots” on the life list? For me, buying the boots is a symbol to myself that I’ve made it – I have enough money to plunk some down on some kicka** boots. And yet, I’m working my dream job right now, and still waiting for that perfect moment. I wonder if I’ll know it when it comes, or if it’s already come and passed!

      • meg

        Lady. I spent $40 on those boots. You can do this!

  • http://bride-sans-tulle.blogspot.com Sharon

    At some point I’m going to have a more intelligent comment on these types of posts than just saying “F*ck yeah!” But for now: F*ck yeah! I’ll be wearing boots on my feet and in my attitude today.

  • Christy A.

    I need a ‘favorite’ button for your blog so I can archive all the awesome posts that come along just when I needed to hear them. ;)

  • Christina

    Speaking of reclaiming wife – has anyone else had fears of starting to use the labels of ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ after they’ve been married? It’s been two months for me, and I’m still scared of referring to my husband as such. WTF? I never saw that coming. But there’s something terribly adult about the whole thing, and I get (irrationally) nervous that someone’s going to hear me and see my phony-ness in pretending to be an adult. Like, catch me playing house and call me out on it. Does that make ANY sense? I’m adult in every other sense of the matter, I even own my own business and yet calling my partner my ‘husband’ scares me?

    It’s scary to be someone new, like the girl who wears cowboy boots to a hipster gastro pub (and as an un-hispter san franciscan I totally get that)…. and I guess being labeled a ‘wife’ scares me more than I thought simply because it’s new for me. But no one’s going to call me out on it. I just have to be brave and dive in, right?

    • meg

      Dive in! It was weird at first, but it was crazy how quickly I started loving it.

    • meg

      And yeah, hence the title RW.

    • merryf

      I’m so terrified of that four-letter word I flinch every time my um, 7-letter-word-person says it. It has so much baggage for me, I’m just not ready for it. So a few days after our June wedding we came up with a subsitution: He’s my Permanent Boyfriend and I’m his Permanent Girlfriend. I call him PB and he calls me PG.

      I thought I was getting better about it, but I heard him say the 4-letter word to someone on the phone recently and I just about ran out of the room. So, I guess not so much.

      • Alyssa

        The first time I said, in an argument, “You can’t do that, I am your WIFE-” I about peed my pants.

      • http://abouttobe.wordpress.com Mary

        Something that helps me get over the four-letter-word thing is thinking about reenacting scenes like that one from The Incredibles.

        “IIII am your WIFE! IIIII am the greatest GOOD you are EVAH gonna get!”

        Cracks me up.

        • N

          I LOVE that you just quoted that line. I’ve been noticing your posts lately, because somehow I always relate to them. I think a shared appreciation of the Incredibles is probably the root of this, yes?

          • http://abouttobe.wordpress.com Mary

            Um, YES, definitely. :)

      • BeckyB

        MerryF,

        I felt the exact same way about using those words. Actually didn’t even like to say Finace! It just creeped me out that I was old enough to use them. So I started calling him my F. Now he is my H! After just using the letter for so long it became much easier to say and here with the full word. :)

  • http://amidlifeofprivilege.blogspot.com LPC

    Oh such a long history to this. So many stories. At least you weren’t tying on a bow tie:).

  • http://koruwedding.blogspot.com Koru Kate

    Wonderful post! I dreamed big & took a big risk when I started my business. Now I’m still dreaming . . . but not following through & taking the risks. Time to jump & see where I land!

  • peanut

    It’s amazing how great a fun outfit can make a girl feel. Seriously, when I am having a “down” day, I try to wear the coolest outfit possible instead of the slummy yoga pants I feel like wearing and it perks me right up.

  • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com ka

    Oh Meg.

    Every since I was four years old, I have *always* been able to literally pull on the boots. (Well except that one realllly awkward year in 9th grade.) But I have *never* been able to open my d@mn mouth and speak my mind.

    And you do that. All the time. And I love it and it inspires me.

    So here’s to bravery wherever it’s required!

    (Not to miss out on the feeling fabulous solidarity, I’m wearing this dress today: http://thinksprout.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/hm-garden-Collection-floral-dress-2.jpg, and not caring that it’s not very Autumn-appropriate. It’s 70 here in NY, and I’m celebrating!)

  • Caroline

    I fully endorse cowboy boot wearing. I still wear mine to work on Fridays, even though I work in Ireland now, and not Montana anymore. They give a girl sass.

  • Michele

    I’m pretty ambivalent about cowboy boots, but dear god in heaven, where can I find some hot-pink tights?!

    • meg

      Let me speak for Maggie, and tell you Target, $5. They sell them in little rolls. I’m wearing the grey ones right now.

      • JessicaJEM

        Target Tight Rolls are the best! Soft material and they wear very nicely! *end relevant-but-not-really comment*

        • http://linseykitchens.wordpress.com Linsey

          AMEN! hot pink tights.

          I remember learning how to river kayak on a Nepali river–I knew nothing but how huge the rapids were, and I literally had to say out loud: “Brave of heart, Linsey, Brave of heart…” over and over again. Which is not so different from donning pink tights or cowboy boots when it’s not our normal thing. Or bucking “traditional” bride/wifedom. I try to remember to keep paddling through rapids and head straight for them. More often than not, I come out upright on the other side, though, with a bit of pee in my apron.

    • Marisa-Andrea

      I have some! I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who thinks hot pink tights are AWESOME.

  • http://www.10000dollarwedding.wordpress.com Lizzie

    In short: Yes! I get in comfy style patterns too…and usually it’s symbolic of something else flatlining in my life as well…I stop writing, I stop playing music…and out come the flipflops and tees..I recently cut off almost all of my hair to stay brave as well…there’s no ponytails with itsy-bitsy hairs and I’m forced to wake up earlier and style it…Not that that matters…just, I agree. Style definitely isn’t everything..you probably would’ve looked just as cute in the flats…but pushing yourself beyond your comfort limits manifests in something else as well…makes you more brave in other areas of your life too. Basically: You go, girl!

  • Nicole

    Ah beautiful, beautiful. Thank you Meg. First step for me… shave those legs!

  • JessicaJEM

    I am naturally a very contemplative person and I love this blog because it gives me constant food-for-thought. Cheers for another great post that has my gears going.

  • Carreg

    Wish I had read this blog when I was an undergraduate.

  • http://www.your-heart-and-mine.blogspot.com Stefanie

    Woop, WOop!

    There’s not to many posts that make me want to fist pump and yell hell yes! but that one does. Thanks for the inspiration Meg. And go, Meg, Go! because that kind of journey is the best there is.

  • Ellen Saideman

    Look, Meg, I don’t want to come across as a jerk. I admire your website, your ingenuity, and your positive attitude.

    You are perhaps aware though that thousands of bloggers are staring hopelessly at piles of bills since they or their partner have been laid off, and writhing with jealousy over the glowing women who attended Mighty Summit? Some of us are sick, too. Strokes, autoimmune, cancer.

    Thirty women attended. There are 4 million bloggers, give or take a few million! Most of these women know that they will never be invited to sip wine and get hot stone massages with the elite.

    Certainly you are correct that some of the MS women have money problems and some started out with nothing. Today, though, some are buying houses the size of small cathedrals, flying to Ireland, married to wealthy men, able to quit 6 figure incomes because there is another income in the house, and living a life that the average person finds very difficult to read about. Constantly.

    And if I may be so bold, constantly bragging about the wonderful summit makes many of us feel sad and hopeless. Dreaming big dreams is fine and you seem like a wonderful, sincere person. But it hurts to constantly read reminders of a wonderful weekend that I’ll never be invited to attend.

    I am well off due to carefully saving and investing and could easily pay cash for a luxury weekend in Napa..so don’t write me off as a poor, cranky person eaten up with jealousy.

    Sincerely, and respectfully, me

    • http://www.jehara.blogspot.com jehara

      It seems a little presumptuous to speak for others and how they may be feeling.
      I, personally, am really digging these posts that are stemming from the inspiration from the Mighty Summit weekend. Yeah, I didn’gt get to go and most likely won’t ever go, but when Meg shares what happened, her insights, her revelations, it makes me feel a little like I went too. At the very least I feel I am benefitting from her experience and am grateful that she keeps sharing. I say keep them coming. But hey, that’s just me.

      • Alyssa

        It’s also stunningly imperceptive to judge the cause of the inspiration without realizing the point is its effect. Mighty Summit may have been the impetus, but the point of mentioning it is to talk about the effect that its having on people’s lives.

        Would a BlogHer conference be more worthy? What about a local support group? Or if a church had inspired Meg to kickstart herself back on the path that she’d already been on, would that be okay to bring up lots of times?

        I’m not sad I didn’t go, I’m glad I heard about it because now I have a Life List. And I get to be a part of projects that Meg has started because of the inspiration Mighty Summit started, as does Lauren. And as do the other readers don’t get sad and depressed when reading about other people doing well. So yay for me. And yay for anyone else who benefits.

        But cranky and jealous? I don’t recall being called that or that being inferred. And to say so isn’t respectful, it’s b*tchy.

    • http://abouttobe.wordpress.com Mary

      I’m totally procrastinating which is why I’m back here checking up on this post so late, but I saw this comment and had to respond.

      Ellen, I do understand where you’re coming from because if I’m totally jealous of Mighty Summit too. But if I remember correctly (correct me if I’m wrong Meg), there was a post a few months ago in which Meg talked about feeling jealous of last year’s Mighty Summit and reallyreallyreally wanting to go. And I think to some extent, we can all choose whether we let that jealousy consume us, or whether we turn the jealousy into inspiration and let it fuel us.

      Meg turned the jealousy into inspiration. And that’s what I intend to do too.

    • http://miscetcandmoremisc.blogspot.com Eliza

      I’m confused. To me, this post had very little to do with Mighty Summit at all, except that it was the impetus a little while ago for the way Meg’s thinking about her life right now. Nowhere did she mention hot stone massages or wine country. Nowhere is she “bragging”. Rather the contrary – she’s talking about how sometimes it can be really hard to be rejected.

      She’s talking about BEING REJECTED. And keeping on trying. That’s what this post was about. Not about being elite or successful or part of the “cool gang”. That may be what you heard, but it isn’t what she said.

  • Ellen Saideman

    First of all, thank you for your thoughtful responses. I am not a bitter person. (shrug) I have achieved many things through dreaming and hard work. I have a blog. But I’m not putting it out there because I don’t want haterz.

    I’m older than most of you. Okay, I’m 50. Exactly 50. Maybe I could be your mother?

    PS. Presumptious to speak for others? Read Anissa Mayhew’s post after Mighty Summit. (I’m not her) Check your feeds and read about the many people who are struggling in today’s suckass economy. Read a blog written by an army wife whose husband just deployed for the 3rd time leaving her to raise a 2 and 5 year old alone for a year. I’m speaking about real people out there– not characters I created out of my imagination.

    I have: a cute figure, a lovely house, adorable children, a doting, sexy husband, a semi popular but not cool kid blog, writing gigs, and professional success in several arenas. Not huge, but gratifying.

    I also am out of a f/t job due to my company moving to a foreign country, and stuck here temporarily (5 years) with children who want to graduate high school with their friends in a city with few job openings.

    I also have: an incurable disease.

    I also have: a parent who is dying of an incurable disease who practiced positive thinking her whole life and could fit in her wedding dress at age SEVENTY FIVE by the way!

    And I haven’t given up on positive thinking and achieving my dreams. I’m doing unorthodox things to try and fight my illness. I’m retraining to do things that I love and thanks to being one incredibly frugal tightwad able to still maintain a nice standard of living.

    Just this: Life happens. I would post under my real name but of course I still dream of going to the M. summit. Y’know what? I’m working on hosting my own summit. It’s slow going but I’m going to try.

    And good luck and G_d bless to all of you.

    • robin

      Ellen, I’m sorry that you find Meg’s response to Mighty Summit personally defeating. And I’m sorry for the challenges you are facing with your health, with your family’s health, with the economy, and more.

      I want to say this with compassion, so I hope you hear it that way.

      APW isn’t trying to be everything to everyone. While many of us feel a strong sense of community here, this is, in fact, Meg’s place. We are visitors, no?

      If you don’t like the message on APW, about Mighty Summit, or anything else, I would think the best thing for you would be to find another site that DOES speak to you.

      This site welcomes a diversity of opinion, but it in no way is meant to reflective of every person’s viewpoint, or experience. It’s a reflection of MEG’s experience, because this is her site. And many of us, find resonance, in her experiences, in her opinions, and in those reflected by other readers in the comments and in guest posts.

      I think it is both unkind, and inaccurate, to imply that Meg has in any way claimed to be speaking for anyone other than herself. Her response to Mighty Summit is her own, and many readers of APW are finding inspiration in that experience.

      Again, if you aren’t, I hope you find another online community that better reflects your point of view.

      I wish you light, and luck.

    • meg

      Look, I know there are parts of the blogging community (mostly the mom blogging community) that were angry about Mighty Summit last year. Let me be totally clear: I don’t quite know how you ended up on APW, but APW is not part of that particular community. This blogging community is beyond supportive of each other, cheering on each other’s victories and wiping each others tears when we’re defeated. And that’s the kind of community I’m proud to be part of, not a community that rips each other apart for no reason.

      Last year, when I didn’t go, or know Maggie, or know anyone? I thought you guys were way off base. I was super inspired to hear about Mighty Summit (nee Broad Summit), it made me want to give back to the women in MY life. It made me want to get moving on my projects. So, you know how I got to Mighty Summit this year? I applied. And I attended with a super non-elite group. There were tons of women their with teeny-tiny blogs, and they were awesome. And yup, Heather was there, who’s worked her *ss off to make good money on her blog. She’s charming, and hilarious, and we all owe her a huge debt of gratitude, because she’s paved the way for other bloggers to be more successful. So go Heather! Go success for women! Go sharing the power!

      I’m sorry things are tough right now, and I’m sorry Mighty Summit made you feel worse about that. They are tough for everyone. My husband is out of work, and I support my family working two jobs, 70 hours a week. We’re dealing with some serious illness in my family, along with a parent on disability that we’re helping out when we can. Was it nice to get away from that massive burden of stress on my shoulders for a weekend? Yup. Did I go so I could go to wine country? No. The retreat was in a little blue collar town in the mountains of Sonoma. It’s really cheap there, and I can drive there in an hour. We drive up all the time when the stress gets too much for me, and sit out by the river (for free) and think. I didn’t go for that. I went to be inspired by women who support each other, who boost each other up, who cheer for each other. I went to hang out with women that are dreaming big, even if what they are starting with is small, and who are generous with each other, even if they don’t have a lot to give. I brought that all back here, and am writing about it, because what on earth is the point of experiencing something like that if you can’t share it? What’s the point if you can’t give more women a hand up, or a nudge of encouragement, as they work on living their own dreams?

      Life is hard for all of us right now, but that’s no excuse not to encourage and support each other, and dream big. I wish you the strength to do that, for all the other women in your life, online or off.

      • Pamela

        I’ve been mulling this over since last night, when I read the original comment. I can see her point (sort of), that it might seem self-indulgent to take a weekend to dream when times are so tough for so many people. However, I think it’s in the midst of tough times that we need inspiration the most. Maybe someone will read one of these posts and decide to go to grad school and do cancer research. Maybe someone else will decide to run for political office so that she can work to end these terrible wars so our soldiers can come home. Maybe a third woman will apply for a job she really, really wants but is afraid to apply for, thinking that she doesn’t have a shot in hell of getting it. Maybe she’ll get the job, and a salary increase, and be able to help her family and community more because she’s no longer living in poverty. And on and on.

        If we all sit at home, bewailing the state of the world, nothing will change. When we don’t dream, and we don’t work, and we sell ourselves short, everyone loses.

        • meg

          Agreed. And AWESOMELY I’ve gotten several emails of people who’ve been inspired to apply for grad school, or quit their jobs, or ask for a raise (and get it). And what could be better than that?

          Times are really tough, which has meant, for me, that I have to turn inward a little more, and outward to my community. I can’t just apply for a perfect job and get it, so I have to take more time to think about and craft my own path. It’s been an interesting journey, but I’ve felt really blessed to go on it with a lot of amazing woman. Those women, by and large, were not at Mighty Summit. They are people who read this blog, and whose blogs I read, a group of us that all started blogging together two and a half years ago. I don’t want to imagine going through the fire of the last 2.5 years without them… and I want that for all of us, in one form or another. So yeah, I think we do need more inspiration when times are tough. And I also think we have to learn to say yes to things when we can.

    • Class of 1980

      There are times in nearly everyone’s life that they have gotten to do something that other people couldn’t share. Ellen, that must have been true for you also. I imagine it will be true in the future too.

      I’d hate to think that someone would begrudge me the good things in my life, especially since they wouldn’t have wanted the bad things in my life.

    • http://happysighs.blogspot.com Liz

      i get this response often.

      i counsel young girls in crappy relationships. and having been in their shoes, i love telling them about my husband. how he is everything those awful men weren’t.

      most girls find it inspiring. they get that i’m saying, “look! it happened for me! MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR YOU, TOO.”

      a rare few sometimes ask me not to talk about my husband. rather than seeing what i say as a hopeful story, they see it as “i’ll never have that.”

      i think meg’s point is, “look what happened for me! it can happen for you! isn’t that inspiring and hopeful?!” and that’s how i choose to take it.

    • Mary

      I definitely see where Ellen is coming from, and although I agree with Meg in this instance, I’m going to take this opportunity to make a more general comment about a trend in the comments lately. Disclaimer: I’ve been a regular reader for about 6 months but have never commented before, so you can take my opinion for what it’s worth.

      Here goes: I’ve been feeling lately that disagreements with Meg’s opinions and the points she makes in her posts are being shot down fairly quickly in the comments. Of course, as Robin said, this is Meg’s blogging community that she began and she is entitled to have and share her opinions with all of us. Of course, and very often I agree with her views. My issue is that, in my opinion, it seems that Meg tends to go on the defensive whenever a commentator disagrees with her instead of considering the comment and perhaps changing her viewpoint. I’m not saying that the dissenters are always right, and indeed there often isn’t a “right” point of view, I’m just saying that I think it would be refreshing to see Meg actually change her mind about something. I’ve never noticed (and please contradict me if I’m wrong) Meg do anything but defend what she said in the original post, and I’ve never seen her change her mind.

      Meg, I mean no disrespect and I whole-heartedly enjoy reading your blog and will continue to do so. Thank you for all the hard work you put into it. I just wanted to get this point off my chest, as it’s been bugging me for a little while.

      • meg

        Well, I normally have put a lot (like months or years) of thought into things I write, so no, you’re not likely to see me change my mind based on one comment. I do change my mind about stuff after reading comments, but it’s usually on stuff I think about things other people wrote. If I haven’t spent five years figuring out what I REALLY REALLY think about a subject, I might change my mind pretty quickly. If I have, I’m going to reason with you about why I think what I do.

        That said, the APW comment rules have been unwavering since day one. Disagreements are great. Being mean – to me or to anyone else, is not even a little ok. You’ll either be told that the tone of the comment is inappropriate for the forum, and you need to review the comment policy, or your comment will be pulled down. I put a huge amount of effort into making this forum a safe place for everyone (and that includes me). Really thoughtful articulate discussions don’t happen in a place where people know they can be attacked. That’s the way it is. I pay the bills, I make the rules. And so far, it’s turned out to be pretty awesome. But, people who hate it go play elsewhere, and that’s fine too.

      • http://happysighs.blogspot.com Liz

        i took this to be in response to me.

        there is often disagreement on this site. i feel like that is MUCH overlooked in these sorts of discussions.

        the disagreement that doesn’t sit well with me is criticism of the manner in which content is presented. if you disagree with what a certain poster said about this about marriage, blah blah blah… that’s one thing. that’s healthy debate.

        but when we pull apart “you shouldn’t say it this way,” or “this site should be more like this…” it’s just. rude. and not constructive. which is why i’m inclined to voice my own disagreement of THEIR original disagreement.

  • http://splitpurplenalities.blogspot.com Jenni

    “Because nothing looks quite as good as bravery.”

    For this one sentence alone, thank you.

  • Sarah

    Can we get one of these without the fashion analogies? Please? I hate to be a downer, but I can’t do any more of these.

    Yes, it’s not about the boots, but it just smacks those of us in the face who came here because mainstream wedding blogging got us down on ourselves over not being Fashion Gals (who are HAPPY not being Fashion Gals, and not avoiding it due to lack of confidence). I just want to cry because I feel like these posts are feeding that little voice in the back of my head telling me “all those big dreams you are living? Irrelevant, because you’re doing them in jeans and flipflops and shapeless striped sweaters.”

    And I know that’s not the point, I really really do, but my gut is just like “okay, the one wedding blog you kept reading after getting married? time to take it off the bookmarks too.” Because this place was a fresh breath of air after being told over and over by culture that I wasn’t good enough at being a girl to get married.

    • meg

      Um. I’ve NEVER written about fashion before. So if me writing about clothes once is flipping you out, maybe it is time to take APW off the bookmarks Nor sure why that it is, but if one post about clothes is pushing you over the edge… you’re probably done.

      • Sarah

        I meant both this one and the previous one about inspiration? They’re both heavy on the fashion examples. As well as the comments, which are mostly hopping on that train. Those aren’t under your control, obviously, but it adds to the general feel.

        Yeah, I’m being hyperbolic here — it takes more than a blog post to rattle my sanity — but I wanted to make a point. And to leave something in the comments for the other women out there in my shoes; I cannot be the only one who finds this alienating.

        • robin

          Sarah, I think the entire point of analogies, is that they are ANALOGOUS to something else. Not boots. Not clothes. Those are the examples in the analogy.

          There’s meant to be a takeaway here, and I’m sure that it isn’t about fashion. If you can’t see that, or see past the example, then, yeah. Maybe the bookmark should go, because you are missing the entire point, and don’t seem like you want to hear otherwise from anyone, including Meg, who clearly knows more accurately than you do what she intended.

        • meg

          Well, Robin summed it up well. I happened to talk to a very inspiring woman, who does write about fashion, who got me thinking about the way we set limits for ourselves, fashion or not. If that’s super upsetting to you, there is a whole wide internet out there! Enjoy it! There is no pressure to hang out here, time to move on.

    • http://happysighs.blogspot.com Liz

      i wish we would stop hindering one another from using literary language in expressing ourselves.

      you know what? meg’s post made sense to me, but the analogy did not hit home for me. and that’s fine. i’ve always been the “girl in the cowboy boots” (in my case, red peep toes) i’ve always been the one who wears outrageously trendy things and picks out clothes that other girls say, “well that would look good on YOU, but not me…”

      and that’s fine. it’s fine that meg’s analogy doesn’t fit me. because it’s HERS. she’s telling HER story about how she stumbled upon a realization about life. and that’s never going to be the very same for two people.

      so whether you think life choices are like cowboy boots or marriage planning is like pregnancy or choosing a house is like choosing a husband- that’s awesome for you. and if those analogies DON’T fit for you- it’d be lovely for you to appreciate the intended sentiment, rather than be personally offended that one particular parallel did not fit into your world of experience.

      • Sarah

        Look, I commented quickly, and I could have been less flip. For that I apologize.

        But three people dogpiling to tell me I don’t know what a metaphor is? Um. I said I knew that in the first place. I said I really really knew that, but I was hoping to get some other voices in here. Some more of the let’s-build-each-other-up. A chorus of women (and men and everyone else) who can rah-rah around a different example. I was speaking much more to the comments than the original posts; I was addressing the community more than I was addressing Meg. (And I read both posts in succession; I check my blog bookmarks sporadically at best, so it was double-overkill.)

        Know what? Let’s do that. Here’s mine. I went to the pool yesterday; I’m done with telling myself swimming the freaking English Channel is something I’ll do “someday”, or “never”, or “well, I couldn’t possibly if I’m considering kids”. Yesterday sucked, because I am so out of shape it’s laughable, but I’m not going to laugh. I wrote down my times, and I will watch them drop. I’m getting in the damn pool and putting in the hours and I don’t know when but one day I’ll be on the shore in France. I can’t wait until the universe magically hands me a ticket, I have to put on the speedo and walk out that door.

        • Carreg

          But I can only do doggly paddle! I feel inferior now! B-llocks! The blog has stopped working…

          (No really, I know what you mean, it’s jeans and a sweater for me too. But I still like the moral of Meg’s post — I still wish someone had told me earlier that rejections meant you were trying hard enough, not that you were being silly. Or maybe they did and I didn’t listen. Also, can we mix metaphors and swim the channel in cowboy boots, pink tights and red lipstick? That would be funny…)

        • meg

          I think providing a counter analogy that works for you is a much more helpful response. Thank you.

        • http://happysighs.blogspot.com Liz

          you’re not the first and you won’t be the last to tear apart someone’s analogy. i was speaking about the growing trend as of late to criticize the poetic language used to express oneself.

        • ddayporter

          yeah, I really wish you had started with that swimming story. that’s an amazing goal and it pumps me up to think that you have set out to finally check that off your list!! but if you think a couple posts barely related to fashion are alienating, I have to tell you comments complaining about Meg’s content/style/whatever just bring the rest of us down. if you had said “hmm well the boots thing doesn’t really resonate with me, fashion is Not my bag, but that’s great you got a boost from that. Me, I get a boost from This!” you probably would get people to agree about the fashion part and also be super-di-excited for the huge steps you’re taking toward your goal, without what you perceive as dog-piling.

          I do get defensive on Meg’s behalf when someone gets a little snips in the comments, sometimes I say something, sometimes I don’t. to me it’s never about disagreeing with Meg or other commenters, it’s about the way people disagree. If you’re going to get flip, you have to expect you’re going to get it back in response.

  • http://mrsmoment.blogspot.com/ Kat

    “Because f*ck em. You pulled on the boots and you wore them. And girlfriend to girlfriend? I don’t really care if they told you ‘no,’ you looked hot. Because nothing looks quite as good as bravery.”
    Exactly EXACTLY Exactly! ;)

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