reclaiming wife

Archive for November, 2010

Sponsored Post

As the year winds to a close, I'm delighted to get to write a post for Gabriel of Harber Photography of the San Francisco Bay Area, a sponsor of APW who's work I'm a huge personal fan of (and have been for a decade). Since it's year end, we decided to make this post a retrospective of some of Gabriel's favorite images of the year, and I think you will agree that they are absolutely a delight.

Gabriel is one of those photographers with a personality (Thank God. We turned down a number of photographers back when we were interviewing for our wedding, because they seemed professional... but not really personable. And somehow that seemed wrong for making art together).

Gabriel has a handlebar mustache (sometimes) and a wicked sense of fun (all of the time), and a fabulous partner who works as his assistant (if you're lucky). He's the kind of person I party with in real life, so that should tell you something.

Gabriel's wedding photography is just hands down stunning, but a few things always jump out at me from his portfolio. One, he captures that free-wheeling joy, that let-loose time-to-party energy of a wedding reception with this amazing clarity and energy. His party pictures are among the best I've ever seen (in fact, he placed in a WPJA/Brides Magazine international photography contest for his dancing pictures this year, and I'm not in the least bit surprised).

He also captures guy energy amazingly well. So many wedding professionals are women, which is great. You get a lot of femme-y energy when it comes to wedding photography, and I love that. But Gabriel captures that guys-guy energy in this beautiful and effortless way that you see much more rarely. And every time I see that in his pictures, I wonder, "D*mn, why don't I see that more often?" It's like you don't even know that it's missing until you see it... and then it all falls into place.

And finally, personally, I've always loved the way Gabriel's work is able to capture the quiet reflective moments. It captures the moments of stillness, and you can see the real quality of a persons life and face.

Those small moments are the moments from your wedding that you hold in your heart, and what a huge gift to be able to have them captured on film forever.

Harber Photography is located in Oakland, CA, and Gabriel serves the greater Bay Area (and travel is affordable, so LA? Pacific North West? This might be your guy). He's worked with lots of Team Practical couples, and I've never heard anything but absolute raves. You guys adore him, and that's a big deal to me.

Oh. And. On a purely personal note, Gabriel and his partner had a baby this year (one we have yet to meet, which is killing me). When he was collecting some of his favorite shots of the year, he sent me this one, of his partner Lo, and their little son. And it slays me:

So go browse, enjoy, make music together.

Today's wedding graduate post is all in the APW family, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Emily of Emily Takes Photos has been reading APW since the very very beginning. She was starting her photography business just as I was starting a blog, and somehow we stumbled upon each other. Emily's been an APW sponsor for about as long as I've had sponsors, and has shot... 20 or 25 (depending on how you're counting) Team Practical weddings. Plus, she shot our engagement pictures, and hosts APW books clubs, and everything. ANYWAY! A year and a half ago I got a really excited email from Emily that she and Ed had gotten engaged, and I knew it was going to be the most APW-esq wedding of all time (because **none** of us has gone to as many Team Practical weddings as Emily). And sure enough, the woman is wise, her wedding was hopping, and the joy exploding off the page. Oh. And I LOVE that she paid it forward by hiring a brand new central coast wedding photographer. Love. So, with out further ado, I bring you Emily:

I’m a wedding photographer, so naturally, I go to lots of weddings.  There comes a point every time during the reception, usually after the cake has been cut and the party starts to wind down, that I think to myself, “That’s it.  All those months of preparation and planning, and now it’s over.”  Don’t get me wrong, those parties never disappoint, but those moments during each wedding helped me keep perspective when it came to planning my own.  No matter how much time and effort I was going to put into this event, it would eventually end.  That single thought is what ultimately kept me grounded throughout the planning process.

I took on most of the work myself, though my husband did have a hand in planning.  I had worked as an event coordinator a few years back, and I had an arsenal of wedding inspiration from working in the industry, so it just made sense.  For a minute, and not much longer, I was worried that we fell into that category of bride-who-decides-everything and groom-who-nods-quietly, but I realized that was dumb, and the way were doing things made absolute sense for us and even mirrored our life together: he speaks up when he feels particular about something, the rest he leaves to me, knowing I’ll do what I think is best for both of us, making it pretty while I do it, because damn it, I care about the aesthetics!

By the time we got engaged, we had been living together for nearly four years, so I wasn’t expecting a huge transformation or enlightenment during our engagement or even after our wedding.  What surprised me is that during our engagement and planning, I learned more about my relationships with other people in my life than I did about Ed’s and my relationship.

I learned that my family (even the more prim and proper side) didn’t have as many opinions as I thought they would have. Would they think having a dinosaur-shaped piñata was odd?  Nope. Would they appreciate my smart-ass invitations?  Well, they kind of saw that one coming.  Would my Catholic-priest uncle think the wedding was an abomination if there was no mention of God during the ceremony?  Not even a little bit.  I learned that some friends, while they mean the best, really just won’t come through when you need them to, which can be kind of heart-breaking.  I also learned that other friends, who you don’t think you can count on, so you don’t even bother asking, will surprise you with support (or manual labor) when you least expect it. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Emily & Ed

About a month ago, Rachel emailed me asking if could point her towards any APW advice on shotgun weddings, because, "I think I'm going to have to plan one pretty soon." And I started grinning. I don't know if it's because Rachel used one of my favorite terms EVER, or because one of my favorite girlfriends had a shotgun wedding, that also happened to be one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended (highlights included the bride telling me she got her wedding dress at the "d*mn, I got knocked up" wedding dress store, and the 14 year old brother of the groom tearfully announcing the pregnancy to a crowd of onlookers who did not in fact KNOW about the pregnancy). Or maybe it's just because the wedding world is completely silent on the shotgun wedding, making me think that I'm the only girl around who has gone to them. So, I emailed Rachel back, and asked her if maybe she wanted to write the APW book on pregnant wedding planning, and she agreed. I am, of course thrilled. So today, I bring you Rachel's first shotgun wedding installment, the "Oh God we're doing this thing," edition. And um, when I sent it to intern-Lauren she said, "I think this is one of THE MOST common inspirations for having a wedding and we must run it," so here we go.

So, I'm afraid I am lacking in wisdom these days; my wisdom regarding shotgun wedding planning may most easily be summed up as TRY NOT TO EVER HAVE ONE! Of course, even the latest technology and the best of plans can fail, and the essence of the shotgun wedding is that it is hurriedly planned, but DAMN!

A week after we got engaged (almost a year after deciding we wanted to marry each other, and 5 months after actually getting rings), we found out I was pregnant. So much for my dream "sunny picnic/laid-back tailgate/backyard-bbq-dressed-up" wedding - outdoors doesn't really fly in January, even in Southern California.

Our main theme is now "quick, schedule the darn thing, and don't break the bank" while somehow trying to make the timing work so that as many friends/family can be included as possible, (while not being too close to the bar exam in February). We considered just sticking with the 9/10/11 date we'd wanted, but there is no way I'm planning a wedding post natal!

A couple weeks ago in the comments we had a discussion comparing weddings to baby-making - everyone thinks they can do it with less stress than those who went before. Well, I was - silly me - in that "I won't be as stressed" category until this mess. And even after we found out, for maybe a week, I thought - it's cool, we're doing everything we'd planned on doing, just on a shorter time-line.

And then I had my first breakdown this weekend, over the most inane of things: how late we were to a free Sears engagement photo shoot. I don't even like Sears. After FH calmed down my sobs - "I know this isn't about the photos." "Why are we always late to everything, and how come we can never follow a plan!?!" we rescheduled to an appointment 2 hours later, and ended up with a cute cheesy B&W semi-candid shot. Yeah, that was predictable.

We are almost on the way to a good wedding plan too. Continue reading Wedding Undergraduate: The Shotgun Wedding

So, I'm trying to find the right words to intro this post, and I feel compelled to tell you that when I had it in draft form, the only note I had on it was, "LISA!" Which sort of sums things up. Lisa was a wedding grad last winter, and she remains one of the only snowy or LDS weddings we have on the site (so other winter and/or LDS brides, get on it!) Lisa's blogs at Random Giggles, and is always saying really smart feisty things in the comments with her sunflower gravitar. She's been around APW for a long time, and I adore her. I think I mostly adore the fact that we have really different perspectives, and still grapple with similar things in really similar ways. So, when Lisa offered to write something about negotiating the holidays as newlyweds, I was all over it. I think you'll find her wise. And today, the last day before the holiday season is upon us, I could not think of a better thing to talk about than creating and owning new baby family traditions (even when that means standing up to your family of origin a bit).

Traditions, whatever they are, be they how we fix a meal to how we decorate our lives to how we celebrate special events, are what tie us to our homes, our families, our pasts. They connect generations across time and space. They help define who we are and where we came from. However, over time, over years or generations, they will do one of two things: they will change or they will die.

In the wedding planning world we talk about taking traditions and making them your own. The dress, flowers, ceremony, decorations, activities (such as bouquet/garter toss or games of softball and frisbee) are all things that in some way have a tie to a tradition, but are modified and made personal and meaningful by each couple getting married (or not used if they have no meaning to the couple). And this is not a bad thing at all. Recognizing the meaning of the traditions helps keep us sane and helps us recognize that it's two people getting married, not two stereotypes.

This same principle applies to the baby family as well.

Each of us has our own traditions that we grew up with. We all have them. Holidays are generally full of them. They are the things you do year after year that come to define the event, yet I have seen how these constants in our life aren’t always as constant as we believe them to be. They change or die.

We have holiday traditions in my family that in some form date back to when my grandparents were children while some started with my parents and so only go back one generation from me. Some have been modified more than others. Some haven’t changed that much. We now make Grandma’s traditional frozen salad with miniature marshmallows rather than cutting up big ones with scissors. We no longer include bananas in it since my mom is allergic to them. As my family has lived in different places over the years, going to see the lights at Christmas time has definitely changed as we’ve had to fit the community we lived in. My Grandpa always got a wind-up toy on his plate at Christmas dinner when he was a child. His were intricate and made of metal. Ours are simple and generally made of plastic.

And now we’re creating a baby family. This is an opportunity to evaluate our traditions and find the ones that really mean something to us and really tie us to others. What’s more, there are two whole sets of traditions to merge together.

It's been a tradition in my family since 1982 to open a music box on Christmas Eve. When I moved out I started my own collection and threw a holiday party for my friends (which became a tradition for some of them) each year and would ask a special friend from the year to open it for me. Now that I'm married it's moved back to Christmas Eve and we opened our first music box as a family last year. Continue reading Reclaiming Wife: Traditions and the Baby Family

Sponsored Post

So today I get to do a super fun sponsored post, which is an interview with Taryn, the entrepreneur behind  Glö, the forward thinking and totally kick-a*s paperless stationary company that's been helping APW-ers make magic happen for nine months now. I kind of adore Taryn, one female entrepreneur to another, so it was a treat to get to chat to her about her company, her huge year, advice she has for those of you thinking of starting a business (she's not just a talented go-getter, she's also a business school grad), and why she loves APW-ers so much. Seriously ladies, this is worth a read. Taryn gave me restaurant advice when we were in Italy, and sends me "You go get 'em" emails, and has the smartest business ideas. You're going to love her... and for all of you figuring out your stationary options? Whether or not you're truly going paperless and green, you have to check out Glö. They have the smartest RSVP management services on the block. Hands down.

Hi Taryn! So, it's been a real treat for me to get to know you over the last nine months or so, and I'm delighted to get to introduce the APW community to you as a person, though they already know your company Glö, with it's marvelous paperless invitation options, really well.

Hiya Meg! Let me first say how much fun I've had working with you and your fabulous APWers this year! I'm super psyched for this chat.

So, first off, what brought you to the wedding industry? You have a strong business background that could successfully be used in pretty much any field, so why weddings?

It is honestly still a bit of a surprise that I've ended up in the wedding industry. I suppose I ended up here because this just happened to be the idea I decided to explore. Although I've always loved throwing a good party, I was never one of those gals who dreamed about my wedding day. Needless to say, I was totally unprepared for what to do when the day came to start planning. I was overwhelmed - both with the abundance of choices we had to make, as well as the sheer logistical planning that goes into throwing a really fun wedding. One choice that my (now) hubby and I made early on was that we wanted to send our save the date's and invites online and then use the web to collect and coordinate all of our RSVP responses. However, we couldn't find anything in the market that met all of our wants and needs (beautiful paperless invites + a multi-page wedding website + smart event & RSVP technology), plus felt sophisticated enough for such a special occasion. Fortunately, I'm blessed with a younger brother who's a web developer, and he built a custom system for us to use as a wedding gift (yes, he rocks!).

After we sent our invites, we started receiving emails from friends of friends of our guests asking whether they could use the software for their own weddings. I thought, "Hmm, this is an interesting idea. Maybe this could really help other couples." So I did a bunch of customer research, wrote a business plan, scraped our savings together, and hired a development team. Glö was born, and I was off and running!

What do you enjoy most about working in the wedding industry? And, because we're being frank, what do you enjoy the least about the wedding industry?

What I enjoy the most is how the wedding industry is evolving - how a wedding is no longer defined by cookie-cutter, samey-samey celebrations. The web has really opened up a new world for indie vendors, which creates amazing opportunities for personalization. There are so many cool things that couples do with their weddings these days - and I find it so inspirational! Every time I read about a really personalized, fun and heartfelt wedding celebration it sorta makes me want to get married all over again! I also love that this is an industry full of female entrepreneurs (Editors note, yesss). Women who are smart, thoughtful and making a difference for many other women simply by delivering a product or service that they really believe in. Just like you Meg! (Editors note: stop it Taryn!)

And what do I enjoy the least? That I still read things like "you can't..." or "it's not traditional to..." or "it's not acceptable to..." in relation to weddings. That there's still so much JUDGMENT involved. I mean, come-on people - welcome to the 21st century! At the heart, weddings are a celebration of the couple, and the couple's eco-system of support and love made up by their friends and family. There is nothing "must do" or "must have" about that. There is no judgment there.  Every couple, every relationship, every eco-system is unique - and so is every wedding celebration. It drives me bonkers when I hear so-called 'wedding experts' trying to lecture couples about what is "appropriate." The wedding celebrations that I've been most moved by are simply the ones that captured what the couple was about. Where the couple made choices that were right for them and their guests.  Where the guests laughed and smiled all day and where love was hanging in the air (amidst great music!). That is the true "wedding magic." Not whether the bride danced with the right people in the right order, whether the table cloths were the appropriate shade of beige or whether the invitations arrived in a mailbox or inbox  (ok, counting backwards from 10 now..9...8...7...sigh).

You've had a big year, growing your company, and moving from London to Denver. What's been the biggest challenge and what's the biggest reward?

Wow, when you say it, I realize that it HAS been a really big year. And a very exciting one to boot. The biggest challenge is definitely making it through the days when a million things go wrong at once. When the internet goes down as I'm trying to answer someone's question, when I miss a meeting because my calendar wasn't synced correctly, when I can't figure out how to do something perfectly, when I can't make everyone happy...those are the days when I start to wonder why in the world I ever thought I was cut out to be an entrepreneur (and yes, I will confess that I have cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion...)!

BUT the biggest reward is waking up the next morning to find an incredibly touching email from a client telling me what a difference Glö has made. That I've saved her a ton of time and aggravation. That her guests went crazy for their invites and site. That she and her partner totally got what "Glö" means at the moment they received the first "YES! WE"RE COMING!" response and did a dance of joy around the computer.   Those are the days that I do my own dance of joy (seriously, it really does happen) - and those are the days I know I'm spending my time and efforts in the best way possible.

We have a lot of APW-ers who are in the middle of figuring what they want to do with their careers. What advice would you give to ladies thinking about starting their own businesses?

Yaaaaaayyyyy!!! The world needs so many more female entrepreneurs, it's not even funny. Now for the serious stuff:

First - talk to people! Talk to potential customers and find out what they think of the idea, talk to people who've done something similar and ask for their advice and feedback, talk to people you'd like to work with and find out whether there is compatibility. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner - about what it will take time and money-wise to get the business off the ground and whether you're both up for the ride.  Starting a business is definitely not something that you'll want to do alone. You may run the business alone on a day-to-day basis - but in the end you, your customers, your business partners, your life partner, even your family and friends - you're all in it together!

Second - think through the business model. Ask yourself - can this really be a business or is it just a hobby? Answer the questions: is there a market? how big is the market? how will I be different from the competition? What are the potential revenues? What are the costs to get up and running and then to keep the business running? How will I find customers? What will I charge? What technology / infrastructure / operations will I need? And then keep answering more questions until you can't think of anymore to ask. Then share your plan with others to test your idea, test your business model and test your assumptions. If they find holes - don't feel defeated, just use it as an opportunity to think through and strengthen your idea and implementation plan.

Third, seek out mentors. Honestly, I am still amazed at how generous people are with their time when you ask thoughtful questions. These can be experienced entrepreneurs or subject matter experts (I'm still learning, but if you ever want to talk to me - just email me!). Also, don't forget your peers. I can't tell you how many great ideas and suggestions have come out of having a glass (or 3) of wine with my best girlfriends...

Finally, I'm a big believer in surrounding yourself with cheerleaders. Friends and family members who will support you, celebrate with you, and help you work through the challenges - but will also give you honest feedback when you need it the most.

And because this is a sponsored post, lets talk a little bit about your (rather awesome) business. For all the ladies who are in the trenches of wedding planning (or about to get engaged over the holidays, achem) what would you tell them about Glö?

In a nutshell, Glö offers paperless wedding communications and online planning tools that help save time and aggravation (and can even make the planning process fun!)  With Glö, you can:

  • Send Glövites: beautiful paperless invitations, save-the-dates and even a group thank you. (You can see some examples on our site.)
  • Create a Glösite: your multi-page wedding website, then add photos, a wedding countdown, fancy slideshows, interactive maps, or any other widget
  • Add unlimited events to your website (e.g., rehearsal dinner and reception) and select which guests are able to view each event. The website only shows the correct events to each guest (preventing hurt feelings)
  • Add unlimited RSVP questions, seamlessly collect responses, and view them online or download them to a .csv file. Guests can edit RSVP responses for their entire household, preventing duplicate RSVPs. You can also update your guests’ RSVP responses online.
  • Easily communicate with all or some of your guests before and after the wedding celebration using our easy messaging tool

Glö is also a way to show your guests what your celebration is really all about. Your wedding communications are often the first indication that your guests have of what type of celebration you're throwing - what makes you unique as a couple, what the atmosphere will be like at your wedding, and what fun they can look forward to. For this reason, we've built in a ton of customization options to really let each couple's unique flavor and personality shine through. This includes the ability to work with one of our designs or upload your own. I love seeing what words, images, designs, and fun widgets (like countdowns, games, slideshows, videos, etc.) couples use to express their individuality. I blog about different things that couples have done on www.glo-bride.com because I think it's really inspirational.

Even if you're going to send paper invitations, what are the ways that Glö can help you save your sanity? Because what you don't guess going into wedding planning is that managing your invited list can be the thing that leaves you a sobbing hair pulling mess on the floor? (Or was that just me? Shut up, all of you.)

Haha, I think we all feel your pain Meg! Going totally paperless is definitely not for everyone. For this reason, I've designed Glö to be as flexible as possible so that each couple can use it in the way that best fits their celebration. Numerous Glö-bies have combined paper and paperless communications and then used their Glösite to share information and collect RSVPs. This includes:

  • Sending paperless save-the-dates followed by paper invitations
  • Sending paperless invitations to the majority of their guests and a few paper invitations to older relatives (this is what we did for our own wedding)
  • Sending paper invitations followed up by paperless invites a week later guiding guests to their wedding website

With all of these options - you can still use Glö to create a wedding website with smart Event and RSVP technology. Which means no coordinating RSVP responses by hand. (yippee!)

If anyone is interested in paper invitations that match one of our Glö designs- I can help! It's not formalized on the website yet, but just email me, and I can make it happen.

And finally, what do you like the most about working with APW brides and grooms? I know you've worked with tons of them, and between you and me, I know you kind of adore them.

Meg, you know I freaking LOVE APW couples. (Probably because I email you once a week to tell you!) I think I enjoy working with APWers because they are incredibly down-to-earth and thoughtful (plus they throw weddings that I would love to attend!) They view their wedding as a celebration - a unique opportunity to gather all of their favorite people in the same place at the same time (or share the joy of their elopement with everyone at the same moment in time!) They care about their guests - and want them to enjoy their celebration. And, most important, they want to throw a celebration that really reflects who they are.  For me, this is truly what wedding celebrations are about. I just feel privileged and proud to work APW couples and help them plan such meaningful, personalized and ridiculously fun wedding celebrations.

And as one final note, APWers are a loyal bunch - they are chuffed to be a part of the APW family and they make ME feel like a part of the APW family. So many couples make it a point to tell me they found Glö on APW or that reading APW is one of their top tips for couples who are just starting to plan. How can I not love working with peeps like that? Ms. Meg (and you'd better put this in the post or else I am coming out there to find you..) - You should be proud of what you've accomplished here girlfriend - you truly make a difference for couples and wedding elves alike. (Editors note: how did I know I would have taken that out? I'm blushing!)

So, ladies (and a handful of guys), go check out Glö Right. This. Second. You will not regret it. And you can thank me later. And Taryn. Thank her later too.

Two wedding graduates in a row? What have you guys done to deserve such a treat? Well, first there was last week's awesomeness, and then there was the fact that we have had two weeks with ZERO wedding graduates, and I just want to roll around in wedding awesomeness... and am pretty sure you guys do to, am I right?

So, I'm really excited about Brooke's post, because it gives us a chance to discuss the 'My wedding changed me', 'my wedding didn't change me' phenomenon. I've been pretty clear... my wedding day changed me (and that actually was not the fun bit). But that doesn't happen for everyone. In the comments a few weeks ago, we started discussing this and someone said, "Well didn't you already feel married in your heart before your wedding day?" and my eyes bulged out of my head, because what? No, I totally did not already feel married in my heart. For us marriage was about a huge Jewish and legal ritual, and not something that could happen in our hearts. And then someone asked me "Well wasn't the day you decided to spend forever together a big deal?" And I realized, no, it totally wasn't (though I did feel puke-y and overwhelmed when we got engaged). David and I had known each other for a decade before we started dating, so the day I decided to marry him was the day I kissed him (no joke). So. For me the wedding day had a good reason to feel big, and for some of you, that big moment happens in other unexpected ways. So I'm thrilled to have Brooke share her super articulate perspective (and her f*cking beautiful wedding). So lets do this thing:

When Brian asked me to be his wife, I cried and he got teary and then we laughed as we walked around the park in giddy silliness with the idea that soon we would call each other husband and wife.  I found myself completely in awe of this commitment that we had made to one another.

At the restaurant where we had dinner that night, the couple sitting at the table beside us was celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary.  I had never given anniversaries that much consideration, but suddenly I was amazed that these two people (and people all around us) had committed themselves to one another and had done what they needed to do to make their marriages work.  The whole idea of marriage was suddenly so real to me.

Then I read all about Meg and the other APW graduates having similar magical, sparkly, this-is-bigger-than-us feelings on their wedding days.  I realized that this was what had happened to me on our engagement.  I could hardly wait to experience more of the feel-good goodness on June 19th, 2010.

June 19th came around, but the same feeling did not come my way.  At the end of the day, I felt like I had missed out on something big and important and now I would never get another chance to get it back because my one and only wedding day was over.

Thankfully, with a few months of perspective now on my side, I can see the bigness of that day in minds’ eye and feel it in my gut.  When I think of our wedding day, I see this giant sea of faces smiling at us - at our love, at our relationship.  I feel Brian holding my hand at the altar as we joined the congregation in singing a hymn.  And, I smile because I think of him singing beside me in this have no fear, just go ahead and belt it out way of his.  My brain has literally tinted every memory of that day with a surreal glow of both happiness and rightness.  So, I may have been too present on the day of my wedding to appreciate the love that surrounded me and the enormity of our actions, but now I can see that it was there all along and I have the pleasure of enjoying it each and every time that I think back to that day.

So, my advice to wedding undergraduates - If you don’t recognize a specific magical moment on your wedding day, it is okay.  You have not failed.  Maybe your entire day will be so subtly full of love that you just have to wait a few weeks or months for all of that goodness to accumulate in your post-wedding brain. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Brooke & Brian