Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom)


Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Ok, so I get asked *a lot* why I don’t have more men writing for the site. The short answer is simple: they almost never send things in (even though enough men read this site that they recognize me on the street in San Francisco, and give me free tacos.) But the long answer is something like this: I’m not really sure that men think about weddings and marriage quite the same way that we do.

Once, for example, I had David write a guest post for APW, and he said that ‘your wedding should not be the happiest day of your life.’ Readers, of course, flipped out.. What if it WAS the happiest day of someone’s life? How dare he say that? And I turned to David, who shrugged, and said, “I just don’t think it should be the happiest day of your life, and I don’t have anything else to say about that.” Which? I love. Simple, and to the point.

All this is a long introduction to one of our only Wedding Graduate posts written by a groom. Harrison’s post is short and sweet and hilarious. Also? Their wedding was shot by Emily of Emily Takes Photos, who did the bride’s hair too… because what? She’s full service. (UPDATE: Harrison has just offered to write more for y’all. This was just his prelude. So stay tuned. The grooms are going to keep on speaking. RAD!)

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

The  Where (though it was spring, so the grass was green, not brown)

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Creative: Flying over the reception?  The rubber chicken/chattering-teeth/flask instead of a garter? Choreographing our own first dance?  How about keeping it all a secret?  You should ask my wife about our engagement party.

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Thrifty: Pretty standard affair, shopping around for catering, making some food ourselves, borrowing equipment, holding the event in a county park, paying $200 for a wedding dress, buying wine that was on-sale, etc…

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

I’d be happy to show you the spreadsheet containing attendance probabilities, bathroom equilibrium calculations, and dancer-density-expectation values…but that’s the boring stuff that only nerds like me and my wife enjoy.

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Sane: That’s a bit like asking what you do to keep from dying…do you drive slowly? How about *not* jumping off of bridges, or permitting yourself to breathe when necessity arises. I suppose, if I were forced to pick just one thing, it would be well summarized in this story:

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Early on, we discovered an advertisement in a wedding magazine for TheKn*t.com; it was a gaudy 2-page ad, consisting of 10 luminescent discs, each containing a single number (1-10) and a paragraphical token of wisdom.  The title, you guessed it, “[The top ten things you need for a great wedding]”  (OK, so I don’t remember the exact title).

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Priority number 1 was “Looking good”, because everyone knows that looking the part on the “happiest day of your life”, is what really counts in a good marriage.  Coming in at number 8 on the list, was “Being in love”.  I was shocked that it would be on there at all, given that being in love has little to do with how good you look…but I was wrong.  You see, being in love, it told us, exposes your inner glow which makes you (ding ding ding) *look good*. Our priority list (no doubt shaped by the yoke of society,) was:

  1. By the end of the day, we should be married…TO EACH OTHER.
  2. No casualties.

I suppose it was that priority list that helped maintain sanity (and the large friendly letters on our wedding-planning notebook, “DON’T PANIC”).

Elizabeth & Harrison (As Written By The Groom) | A Practical Wedding

Photos By: Emily Takes Photos

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  • http://sociallyconstructedkaytlin.blogspot.com Kaytlin

    I love this…so much. Mostly because this is exactly how I think about weddings…I guess I’m more of a guy that way. More men should send stuff in because I think we sometimes lose sight that there are 2 people getting married and that other person is preeetty important.
    Thanks for this!

    • http://bunniesnbeagles.blogspot.com Ms. Bunny

      I really hope this post inspires more men to write in. It’s really important to listen to their perspective.

      • Alyssa

        Definitely. But I think there may need to be some nudging on the part of our APW ladies. (I tried nudging mine. He flat out said no. :-) )

        • Morgan

          Mine will help edit, and did write the closer for the thing about mothers, but that’s as much as he would do. Period.

          • meg

            Yeah. Mine too.

  • Caroline

    “No casualties” should become our new mantra.

    • Alyssa

      I say, “Don’t die,” a lot. “No casualties” is MUCH more classy and optimistic!

      • http://www.twitter.com kahlia

        I say “Don’t die” a lot, too! Especially as my partner jaywalks with traffic present…

        • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

          My motto for many years was “Don’t get hit by cars.” If you think about it metaphysically it has a lot of applications.

      • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com ka

        That’s awesome. My fiance has a habit of telling people, “Don’t hurt yourself” during goodbyes. Confuses people to no end.

        • vanesa

          Ha, my husband tells me that all the time – but more due to my particular accident-proneness.

        • Olivia

          My general farewell is “Have fun, don’t die!”

          The reactions are priceless.

    • http://webecomeus.wordpress.com Caitlin

      “nobody dies!” is mine, as i head into the hospital for work. ;)

  • A-L

    Count me in as another one in favor of more male posts. Thanks for this one!

    It reminds me of yesterday where I read a wedding announcement in the newspaper. It had the requisite info about the couple’s education, the bridal party, the parents, grandparents, n, but then it had a paragraph about the bride’s dress (cut, bodice, type of beading), her handmade veil with whatever type of lace and beading, etc. And the photo of the announcement was of the bride, alone. And I was just like, two people just got married here, what about the groom! And my mom predicted that the couple probably wouldn’t be married in a couple of years. Because if you’re so into yourself when you get married and forget the guy, I’m not sure how likely he is to be found a few years in.

    • http://justneedthisspace.wordpress.com ddayporter

      I’m guessing the bride was not the one to put that notice in the paper, it was probably her mother.

      • Alyssa

        I don’t know, it may not be the bride’s (or her mother’s!) fault. My announcement was just like that, but that’s because we had a form to fill out and the writer filled in their own flair with our details. (Small town Texas paper…) I just filled in the spots on what everyone wore with blurbs from our dress descriptions from David’s Bridal.
        AND, I got fussed at by my husband because the picture I put in of the two of us made him look “doofy.” (Which isn’t true. It’s his face that made him look doofy.)
        It was his hometown paper, but he was like, “No one cares about me, they just want to see a picture of you in your dress.”

        And if we’re being honest….I look at the wedding annoucements to coo at the pictures of the couples in love, but I really just want to see the dress. :-)

        • Leona

          This is why I wouldn’t let my mother send in a wedding announcement to my hometown paper (nor did I send one). Actually, I’d never read them before and when my mother asked the salon attendant for a description of my dress it went like this:

          Me: Why would you need that?
          Attendant: For the announcement?
          Me: The what?
          Mom: For the paper.
          Me: We need to be announced to a whole town? And with an exact description of my dress? How nosy.

          Funny that I didn’t mind Facebook photos of the wedding or even using a couple as profile pictures but for some reason, the paper announcement makes me feel very protective. Not that other people submitting that information is strange in any way but it’s interesting how people prefer different levels of privacy in reference to their wedding and marriage.

    • http://www.etsy.com/listing/61467131/silk-wedding-hanger-with-handmade-ribbon Lois

      Too funny, the bit about being found later! Maybe there is a blog for the truly narcissistic bride?

    • Class of 1980

      My mother got married in 1957 and her newspaper announcement was like that. The amount of minute detail about her dress was shocking – right down to what sort of lace was used. Who but a dressmaker would care? It was also described as a “double-ring” ceremony because grooms wearing rings wasn’t taken for granted yet.

      Mom looked like a movie star. She used to let me play in her wedding dress when I was little because I bugged her until she gave in. It was a lace bodice with one of those calf-length huge tulle skirts – a little girl’s dream dress.

    • http://twentyfivetowife.blogspot.com Amanda

      It strikes me that a lot of the focus on the bride comes from the (now very outdated) idea that a woman is defined by her marriage. Remember when only men had careers and their wives were technically their property, and things like dowries actually existed and a woman was actually given away from her father to her husband? Yeah, in that context it makes more sense that it’s the biggest thing to ever happen to a woman but for a man more just another step along the way (his biggest day being graduation or the first day of his job or something).

      Of course, in this light, it’s even worse in this day and age to be so focused on the bride. Plus of course all of the media about weddings perpetuate this idea that weddings are all about the bride (and the money spent, we can’t forget the money!) which leads to that whole blushing bride/bridezilla dichotomy which is no more helpful to us than madonna/whore. But I digress.

    • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com ka

      This story reminds me of a Say Yes to the Dress (Atlanta?) that was on the other day about a motherless bride who said, “because my mom isn’t here, my fiance has really stepped up and helped plan my wedding.” HER wedding?!?!?! [Insert stunned silence immediately followed by rewinding and yelling for my fiance to come see this.] Now, as a motherless bride myself, I really want to give this girl all the benefit of the doubt in the world for thinking it was… unusual? for the groom to actually help plan, so I just will blame her blatant brainwashing on the WIC…

      Anyway, it’s badass to see a groom on here. :)

  • http://secondcityslicker.blogspot.com Sarah

    i love to see the dancer-density-expectation values! what a beautiful wedding!

  • http://www.christytylerphotographyblog.com Christy

    Ha!!! I love.love.love. this. Men – speak up! I love to hear your perspective on things! :)

  • Carbon Girl

    This was great! I especially love the “Don’t Panic” on the cover of your wedding planning notebook. And guess what, despite the fact that you didn’t explicitly try to–you guys look great! I have to agree that the emphasis on looking good by the WIC is all wrong. As long as you are excited/giddy/happy on your wedding day, all people will really see are your smiles anyways.

  • Kira

    I love these priorities. Also, my partner also adds the “to each other!” bit onto any discussion of weddings (“Remember Jack and Jill from college? Well, they’re getting married! To each other!”), and it makes me smile to see someone else who does.

    Also, that cheese looks great. Nom.

    • http://justneedthisspace.wordpress.com ddayporter

      hahah that’s so funny, all through our wedding planning, Zach would say to me, “hey you wanna get married? TO EACH OTHER?” and then afterwards, it was “did you know we got married? to each other??”

    • http://bunniesnbeagles.blogspot.com Ms. Bunny

      Nom indeed. I have a bad hankering for some cheese now.

      • http://eclpse.livejournal.com Kimberly

        Me too!! Must. Be. Rectified.

    • http://emilytakesphotos.com Emily

      Ha! After working with Harrison and Liz, I always add “to each other” whenever possible!

  • Cody

    Awesome!

  • http://fionalynne.wordpress.com fiona lynne

    “I’d be happy to show you the spreadsheet containing attendance probabilities, bathroom equilibrium calculations, and dancer-density-expectation values…”

    Oh.my. You and my husband might just be twins separated at birth. :)

    • Jo from Reno

      me too… I feel like my fiance would drool over those calculations.

    • http://emilytakesphotos.com Emily

      That’s Harrison alright. When I was hanging out with Liz figuring out how we’d do her hair/makeup, Harrison was showing my husband his experiment in the front room to figure out the lift coefficient of Iron Man. At which point we told him the research had probably already been done. :P

  • Abby C.

    Love it! Though I have to say, I am not sure that I agree with the assertion that men think about weddings in different ways. I’m sure you’re right about many men, but my fiance has been a study in opposites. He’s interested in the wedding, in the details, not just in the menu and what he’s going to wear, but in the things that we brides are schooled to believe no men are interested in. He wants to see the floral pictures I’ve saved in my inspiration folder. He haunts preownedweddingdresses.com with me. He asks what I’ve thought about tables and seating arrangements.

    He also reads APW and (occasionally) throughs in a comment. Actually, I wish there was a “Reclaiming Husband” website out there for the gents among us. He really appreciates how insightful APW is for me, but alot of it doesn’t resonate in the same way for him. While not all men may be insterested in ‘wedding stuff,’ my instinct is that deciding to become a husband is just as major a life shift for most men as become a wife is for women. All the resources out there for wedding guidance are definately skewed heavily in the direction of the bride. It seems to me, while men may not be as heavily dedicated commenting as Practical Brides are, they might well get just as much out of a site for them.

    Just an idea. :)

    • meg

      Oh, my husband cared about all those things, but in a different way (I didn’t say they cared about different THINGS, just that they did it in a different WAY). David didn’t want to talk endlessly about what he was going to wear, her just wanted to think about it for a while, and then tell me what he’d decided. Same with flowers and food. He refused to let me wear a dress he didn’t like, and he voted heavily on types of dresses He cared, just not in a endless girl talk discussion way. So, I would never say that men are not interested in wedding planning, but that they care differently.

      As for Reclaiming Husband, all I can say is that I’ve never gotten a post on the subject, or even had a guy interested in writing a post. So, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. The resources are skewed towards women because women are writing it.

    • http://justneedthisspace.wordpress.com ddayporter

      for sure, I totally agree there should be a site out there for husbands. so, I say, get your husband to start a blog! I think my husband would be interested in a blog like this for the mens, but he would never start one himself.

    • Eve

      While I went out immediately and picked out a $220 dress (bridesmaid’s dress, in white), spending approximately half an hour on the decision, my husband-to-be– 6 months later!– is STILL obsessing indecisively about what he is going to wear. He recently asked me if I had any swatches of my dress material left over from the alterations, so that he could carry them around and make sure whatever he bought matched my dress. “Well, not match exactly, but I just don’t want to clash.” “Are you serious??” I said. “My dress is WHITE.”

      So, it’s not the case that all the ladies spend lots of time on aesthetics (ahem, I better get somebody to do my hair), or that all the men spend their time thinking about more Important things.

      • meg

        DUDE. You guys. I TOTALLY DID NOT SAY that all women spend more time thinking about the aesthetics or that all the men spend their time thinking about more Important things. Why would I say that? Does that sound like an opinion I’d have? No.

        I said that most men think about weddings and marriage in a somewhat different WAY than women do. Not that they don’t think about it, not that they think about different things, that they think about it and discuss it in a slightly different way. As evidenced, awesomely, by this post. Also, there are always plenty of exceptions.

        • Eve

          DUDE. I didn’t say you said that. I didn’t think you said it, either. :) Sorry if some unfortunate coincidence made it come off that way. I was arguing against the sort of prevailing wisdom, not you personally.

          • meg

            Oh, ok then :)

    • Valerie

      My fiance is doing just as much wedding planning as I am, if not more. After struggling and failing at planning for the first few months, I broke down and begged him to elope. I’ve always been more the eloping type, but having a wedding with family and friends was important to him, and I think at that point, he realized that if he wanted a wedding, he was going to have to help. A lot.

      Since then, he’s made all the arrangements and appointments for the reception site, the venue, the officiant. He poured over rings on Etsy, has spent months mulling over suits & ties. He makes all the phone calls to strangers bc he realizes how much anxiety it gives me, and gives opinions and ideas on those things that I’m focusing on planning.

      He knows exactly who I’m referring to, when I talk about “Meg said this today” and “Meg said that,” and he’ll read certain APW posts I bring up in conversation. When an issue comes up, sometimes he’ll ask, “What does Meg have to say about that?” I don’t know if he’d read a husband-specific blog, but we both already use this one as a frame of reference for discussing what weddings and marriage mean to us.

      • meg

        Hooray for grooms doing at least half of the planning. Mine did. But he still didn’t read wedding blogs (and he didn’t ask me “What does Meg have to say about that?” Sigh ;)

        • http://webecomeus.wordpress.com Caitlin

          umm… pretty sure my husband asked me that a couple times. due to the APW obsessive reading during wedding planning madness. ahem.

    • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

      You might want to check out the blog “The Art of Manliness” (http://artofmanliness.com/) for something along the lines of Reclaiming Husband. I love to read it.

      • Kira

        Oh, that site is a good read. It borders on creepy sometimes, with a lot of eyebrow-raising “Despite the recent women’s liberation movement, ladies still like you to…” statements, but it works hard to fill a gap in the literature. There’s much too little talk about the role of a responsible man these days.

        • Caro

          and if you read the art of manliness thoroughly… those guys are just as into stuff. Actually, I know AOM has way more clothes posts than a practical wedding. A lot more. (And umm, apparently AOM men have as much money to spend on clothing as WIC women??)

          That said, I think in many ways it is a similar type of site. I’m not sure it’s really “reclaiming husband” as much as “remembering gentleman”, but it’s mostly about being a better man. And am I complaining that after reading AOM, my partner now regularly wears suits to fancy occasions of his own choice, rather than complaining? Absolutely not. He looks dashing.

  • abby_wan_kenobi

    Hee. I love a Hitchhiker’s Guide reference. Seriously. I (re)read that book on our honeymoon.

    Also, there are lots of nerds out here. We added probabilities to our guestlist spreadsheet to help us maximize the probablility of exactly the right people showing up. (We didn’t weigh the probability of our guests becoming pregnant during our engagement highly enough. In our two families 7 children were conceived born between our engagement and the wedding.)

    Thanks for the groom’s perspective :) It’s always nice to hear what men have to say as opposed to “boys don’t care about weddings so just make sure he knows what time to show up and leave him out of it as much as possible”. How about no?

    • http://made-of-sun.blogspot.com/ Trisha

      I actually am reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide out loud to my husband. He’s loving it as much as I do so far.

  • Faith

    And this would be why I know that we need men in the world.

    • meg

      Indeed.

  • Zan

    I was saying mentioning to my guy the other day, “There are definitely some guys who read APW,” and he said, “Yeah I know, me.” He’ll be happy to see that he has company!

    Very fun post, I especially love the priorities list.

  • saveroomforpi

    #1 on the priority list was the extent of my husband’s priority list. Love the post.

  • http://purlhappy.blogspot.com Dee

    Such a great post. That list looks pretty much like my honey’s list. But I have to say, I’ve been thinking about the invites recently, and I love the story on the invite here. Excellent use of humour that obviously runs through their relationship.

    • http://jolynn.wordpress.com jolynn

      Oh yeah! I wanted to also mention that I loved the invite. ;)

  • http://jolynn.wordpress.com jolynn

    This made me laugh. Hard.

    I personally would love to see those equations. But I’m a nerd and we’ll be writing our own.

    I believe “No Casualties” is now my life mantra.

  • SaraW

    I’m confused. What readers flipped out over David’s post? I didn’t see any comments even disagreeing with him a little bit… ??

    • meg

      I take down mean comments, y’all. A year after the fact you can count on the fact that mean comments will be gone. APW comments have been quoted in the mainstream press more than once, so I’ve learned my lesson about what I leave up :)

      Whatever. That is so not the point today, the point is how awesome it is that Harrison wrote about his wedding.

      • http://twitter.com/eskimojo eskimojo

        I’m sure many people said it at the time, but on one level I agree with David. Your wedding day shouldn’t *have* to be the best day of your life. If it is, that’s great, but I think there is certainly room for a whole bunch to be equal or better!

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  • http://www.etsy.com/listing/61467131/silk-wedding-hanger-with-handmade-ribbon Lois

    ” they hang out for the next few hundred years” Priceless.

    Love the baby in the fur hat and want to know was she flyijng the plane?

  • Class of 1980

    I LOVE THIS POST! LOVE how hilarious and to-the-point the groom is.

    I do agree with David that the wedding day shouldn’t be the happiest day of your life. Because if it is, then what on earth do you have to look forward to?

    It can be ONE of the happiest, but I’d want to know there’s more of where that happiness came from.

    And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve noticed a woman become MORE beautiful AFTER her wedding. I’m sure being able to relax has something to do with it.

    • Morgan

      I’ve always hated the “Best Time Ever” feeling. I signed more than one high school year book with, “If these was the best years of our lives, I guess it’s time to commit suicide, if it’s all down hill from HERE. Ugh.” Or something equally cheery.

      • http://hartandsolphoto.com Maddie

        <3.

    • Faith

      I have noticed the same thing about many women. Maybe the feeling of finally being “settled” and not running around trying to get both of your lives joined??

      Whatever it is, I’m hoping that it happens to me!

    • Amanda

      I always thought the saying was in reference to “thus far”. As in – your wedding day is the happiest day of your life (thus far). Leaves it open to *happier* days in the future. (Same can be applied to high school graduation, university convocation, etc.)

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  • Marina

    Are you kidding?? I would LOVE to see the dancer-density-expectation values spreadsheet! More nerdery in my weddings!

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  • Sarah Mc

    Great post! LOVE the priorities, speaking as a bride whose wedding day priorities were to:
    1. Get legally married
    2. Have a beer.

    I started saying this at the beginning of The Planning when people started overwhelming me with dozens of minor-detail type questions as a way to make them stop. But then somewhere along the way it stopped being a flip response and suddenly WERE my priorities and that really helped me keep everything else in perspective.

  • Laura

    My fiance often becomes offended about certain things that women “get to do”, are allowed to express opinions about, etc., whereas men aren’t. Thus the fact that we both got engagement presents (me a ring, him CD players for his dj-ing hobby). I think he’s right about this double standard some of the time, but other times, if men were to speak up, most people would think it’s awesome. For example, this post!
    I think there’s a bit of a perception that men don’t/shouldn’t really care about their weddings, and that weddings are for women. Maybe this is one reason why more men wouldn’t think to write graduate posts – they’re “not supposed to” have opinions about their wedding. So the more men who do show they care just as much as women do (even if they express this differently), the easier it will be for men to talk about their wedding/marriage experiences!

    • abby_wan_kenobi

      I agree with this. My husband was really… careful not to be too opinionated during our wedding planning. He kept saying that it was my day and that he wanted it to be exactly like I wanted it to be. Which is crazy considering that he was way more enthusiastic about getting married to begin with. He spent 2 years convincing me that marriage was a good idea for us. The party might have been for me, but the wedding was definitely for him.

      I think he got hung up thinking that if his opinion differed from mine, I’d change things to please him and the wedding would somehow be “less” in my eyes. I’d have less fun, be less proud, feel less happy. Which is again CRAZY since I always have more fun, am prouder and happier about things we do together. Including our wedding, when I finally was able to drag some opinions out of him.

      All of which is to say, I think in some ways it does suck to be a dude. There were things he ended up really enjoying in the planning, but he didn’t feel like he had a right to be a part of it.

      • http://as-food-to-life.blogspot.com meredythbyrd

        I totally agree with you. Being married was his idea. I said that I wanted a wedding, if I got married and so now it’s become “my wedding”?? I don’t think so. I told my fiance that I understood if he didn’t have a *lot* of opinions about everything, but that if he liked or didn’t like something he should SPEAK UP because it was about both of us.
        At first he didn’t have any and then they began creeping in when I showed him my ideas. Now, the invitations we’re going to order are ones I looked at and narrowed down, but he basically chose. That’s when I realized that he didn’t have opinions about a vague idea of a wedding, and didn’t want to pour over photos to figure out what it should look like, but when he was presented with some choices, felt comfortable giving his opinion. So that’s how I get his input into the planning. Not by expecting him to come up with the ideas, but having thoughts on the ideas I come up with.

        That being said, if Harrison planned that party then great job! I’m impressed by the invite, fly over and baby in a fur hat (not that they had anything to do with it). Also, the priorities and equations.

  • Cassandra

    I’m pretty sure one of the top 10 things you need for a great wedding is that seriously adorable little baby in her pink fur hat. Totally melting.

    I think men often do think about the issues surrounding weddings differently than women, and maybe that’s in part because weddings tend to fall into the girl-realm starting from when we’re small. Love this post, and I also *love* David’s comment about it not being the happiest day. If that’s the best and happiest day of my life, what’s the rest of my marriage about? A happy beginning is wonderful, but a happy life together (overall) is what I’m after.

    • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

      That’s exactly how I feel about the whole “happiest day” thing. If I had my happiest day at 31, what in the world do I want to live till 70 for?

  • http://bride-sans-tulle.blogspot.com Sharon

    What a fabulous post! Also, the baby in the fur hat? I want to nom on her cheeks. Sooooo cute.

  • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

    Well, this is just refreshing as all get out. Love it. Love Harrison. And David too.

  • april

    HA! Just brilliant. And the airplane? MAJOR cool points.

  • melissa

    Love the Hitchhiker’s Guide reference. Wish I’d come up with it.

  • Arachna

    DON’T PANIC!

  • Ariel L-S

    My fiance walked through the room while I was reading this post, and I asked him: “Do you think that men and women think about weddings in different ways?” he responded with: “Uh… also the sky is blue.”

    In other aspects of my life I don’t see myself falling into traditional gender roles, but as soon as we started planning our wedding I was actually a little frightened by how much I identified with the archetype of “bridezilla.” Who knew I had that in me?

    It’s not that he doesn’t care about details, it’s just that he seems more grounded than I feel most of the time. I feel like he keeps me balanced, not just in wedding planning, but in general in our day-to-day lives. We balance each other, really, which is one of the main reasons that we want to get married to each other.

    I think that the wedding world would probably be so much more sane & balanced if men were given more of a space there. I think that it is because it is so bride-centered that it feels so unbalanced. Thankfully, there is a teensy-weensy bit of diversity with queer couples posting about their experiences, but the voice of the male half of heterosexual couples is notably lacking. Thanks so much for speaking up Harrison! I hope that more men feel inspired to share their stories in the future.

  • http://lookingtoapril.blogspot.com/ Em

    Long time lurker, first comment *hyperventilating a little*
    Although all I really wanted to say was that I love the priority list, and I also love the story invite! As someone with a love (I’m writing love a lot. Love love love. I guess it’s important) for writing, I adore seeing people’s versions of their story written out like this.
    I’m lucky my fiance is really enjoying being involved in the process- I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s our wedding, not just mine!! I make a point of, if I accidentally slip up and find myself saying: “My wedding is going to be x, y, z” of saying “*Our* wedding…”. I hear brides say ‘my’ so often, I wonder whether they’re marrying themselves.

  • http://made-of-sun.blogspot.com/ Trisha

    I love this. Also, Don’t Panic on the wedding planing book? Perfect. My only question is, did you remember to bring a towel?

    • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

      I actually gave my husband a towel I’d had “Don’t Panic” and “42″ monogrammed on the weekend he proposed.

      • Morgan

        That is awesome. Totally, totally awesome.

  • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

    Aw! I love it. Perfect for a Monday. I’ve had “Don’t Panic” as the banner on my phone for going on 3 years now. I need daily reminders.

    Now you’ve got me curious to ask my husband what he’d write about our wedding.

  • http://drudgerybin.blogspot.com Tracy Thunderbolt

    This is adorable. But now I want to hear about the engagement party he talked about…? This wedding looks like it was so much fun, but it also seems like a really important wedding to post. The groom is the one summing everything up, which has exposed the fact that quite a few men out there are very involved in their weddings. COOL DEAL, YO. (Although as soon as I read that Harrison waltzed, voluntarily it seems, it was pretty much cemented in my mind that this dude is rad. Which means his wife is, most likely, equally awesome.)

    But aside from busting down all kinds of assumed gender roles, this couple is demonstrating just how cool a low-key, quirky, relatively inexpensive wedding can be. And also just how delicious olives and cheese can look on a table.

    Seriously. I would give up a kidney for some of that right now.

    But really, well done, Harrison, and congratulations to you and your wife!

  • Kaylie

    Great post! Refreshing to hear about the other side from a groom’s perspective and so witty. Often times the WIC makes us forget about the grooms– “the wedding is all about the bride” and we forget sometimes that our husbands must emerge from this life-altering event changed as well. Keep the groom grads coming!

  • http://www.whitepicketpassport.wordpress.com Amber Baur

    So glad my guy is in the minority! Having both of us read APW on a regular basis while wedding planning really gave us a chance to reconnect and focus on what was important. I guess I never really talked to my groom about how he felt regarding the concept of planning a wedding before we were already in the thick of it.

    The least he could do was give you a few free tacos considering you gave us the confidence to defy to all those expectations.

  • Another Alice

    *Love* the priorities list. There will be some babies (I hope) and some goats mingling at our wedding, so the ‘no casualties’ even is applicable… I like Meg’s comment on the different way David cared about their wedding, and I think that’s true for me & my guy. We both care about it, but from different backgrounds, and different personalities. For one, we’re having it in the area we live in, which is close to his friends and family, but far from mine (who are all spread out), so for me, this is like “Yay, reunion for friends and family I only see once a year or two!” and for him it’s “cool, hanging out with people I already see monthly”. Makes for a difference in what’s important to whom.

  • http://fromasmallstep.blogspot.com/ Kinzie Kangaroo

    Meg — you get free tacos?!

    I need to become a professional blogger too, I guess, if free tacos are a real possibility.

  • http://loveyourway.net lizzie

    sweetest recap EVER.
    I think I read a bit more like a guy…less detail, more meat…and this is RAD.
    that little girl is the cutest!

  • http://whitepicketpassport.wordpress.com/ Roem Baur

    Well done, Harrison! Good stuff.

    For the record, I would gladly have paid for a wedding planner in tacos. :D

    I was interested in our wedding in totally a different way than Amber. In fact, I remember arguing or beginning to, and then realizing, “wait… *exchange looks* …we actually agree on this. Wow. Ok, back to the font for chair signs…” Many more times than I’d like to admit. It was like being on different sides of the same island trying to signal the same rescue boat.

    For example, I was concerned (read: not controlling at all) about aesthetics, being a creative type, but totally unaware of some of the essential aspects of being a host. I’d never thrown a tea party or a “shower.” And a wedding is much more akin to a tea party (well, ours was) than a Superbowl Party, which was more my cup of… well, beer. (Well, until my Dad got drunk for the first time in 20+ years, but I digress) Now whether that is a sex or personality difference, or both, I’m not sure, but I can say it was nice to have the counterpart to count on. A “‘No’ Man” if you will. It made everything sharper and balanced, albeit more challenging. But to be honest, if I was marrying another version of myself, the wedding wouldn’t have been anything close to what I now remember as the happiest day of my life. (Cheesey, but true. Don’t hang me, I’m a first time commenter on APW.)

    It’s funny how we saw (and now remember) the wedding in such a different way. Funny, and better.

    -Roem “Free Taco” Baur

    • meg

      Go Roem, with your first ever APW comment. And free tacos for me.

  • Shauna

    BUT I WANT THE SPREADSHEETS, I CAN HAZ SPREADSHEETS!?!

    We’re making our own dancefloor and if you have a mathematical equation that takes the number of guests and gives an approximate square footage necessary to make the dance floor look inviting, not crowded, but not empty…ohhhh I would love you forever.

    Otherwise it’s back to “Well, that 10×10 one at Nancy’s wedding didn’t look so bad. I think.”

  • Emmy

    I’m completly in love with pix of guy dancing. THAT is what I want my wedding to be about. Fun and joyful. We NEED to hear from more men. It really does to help keep things focused on the real priorties.