Archive for February, 2011

Feb 2011

Here is the thing about The Sisterhood of The Traveling Dress. Sometimes, when you give a dress away, it works out perfectly. But sometimes, it works out imperfectly. Which is why I always warn people who want to give their dresses away that they need to be willing to let go of the outcome. That the action of gifting has to be the reason that they are doing it.

But, as we talk about a lot on APW, sometimes the beauty of things is in their imperfection. Melissa, who you'll remember from her kick-ass brewfest wedding, gave away her wedding dress last year to Kelly. Over the last year, Kelly got very ill, and her wedding was pushed back. Because Kelly is adorable, she kept emailing Melissa to ask if it was ok, could she still keep the dress? And of course Melissa said absolutely yes. Keep the dress, and wear it in good health. But, recently, Kelly emailed us to say this:

I am, thankfully, in better health than I was. It was scary there for awhile and I'm glad to be well again. But I'm also 30 pounds heavier than I ever thought I'd be. Which means that while Melissa's dress is still just amazing as always, the whole look is so less cute when it doesn't fit over my ass. Sigh.

Last week, I ordered another dress and I pick it up in a few days. It's beautiful, even if it's not draped in the same karmic goodness as Melissa's dress, and I'm just thankful at this point to have something to wear. It's strange, how much seems to work out that way. Our caterer called Friday and said they couldn't honor our contract. Which I'm thankful for too, because yesterday, I complained loudly enough in this little natural foods cafe I like, and the two women who run it were all "Oh, honey, we'll cater for you. Don't you worry about a thing." Hooray! They were certain it was meant to be this way and I am too.

And frankly? Melissa and I are just thrilled that Kelly is WELL, and GETTING MARRIED (next week!!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeee!!!!) But that means that Melissa's dress needs a new home, that it will hopefully find in one of you. Here is the story of the dress:

The dress is a lovely champagne color (perfect for fair skin) and is a true-to-size 16, with measurements of 45 bust/37 waist/49 hip. I'm 5'7" and wore a 1/2" heel, with the skirt just brushing the floor. Continue reading Dress, Re-Gifted (VIII)

Posted in: Uncategorized | 22 Comments »

Feb 2011

Rachel: On Deciding To Get Married

I'm sure the vast majority of you read Rachel over at Heart of Light (and if you don't, why not?) A few years ago, I was at a blogger party down in LA, and all of us were talking about our upcoming or recent weddings, and we turned to Rachel and said, "Well, you're next, right?" And she said, "I don't know." The thing is, Rachel and her partner Dustin have been together most of their lives, but she just wasn't sure she ever wanted to get married. She wasn't sure marriage was for her. So when Rachel told me last year that she'd decided to take the plunge, and then announced a few months ago that they were engaged, I asked her if she'd talk about why. Why did she decide to get married when she was pretty sure she didn't want to? What was her thought process? I know so many people who are making the same decision, and I wanted someone thoughtful and articulate to share their process with all of us. So I am beyond honored to have Rachel on the blog today, sharing why she decided to get married.

In a nutshell – I wasn’t ready to get married, and then I was.

There are more details, of course. But it kind of comes down to that. Writing this post has been hard, because the choice to get married is so individual. Dustin’s experience was totally different from mine (he was just ready) and I’m sure there are many other people who aren’t ready for different reasons, or who realize that marriage isn’t the right choice for them. So this is my specific experience, which is all I can offer.

Dustin and I have been best friends since we were twelve. That means we’ve spent more than half our lives together. We’ve had plenty of time to transition gracefully into each new life chapter. And yet, D transitions gracefully, and I don’t. I am an anxious person. I need to think everything out, I need contingency plans, I need time to adjust. In addition, I’m so stubbornly independent that it’s been a running joke in our family since I was a toddler.

Being in love with one person for well over a decade sounds like the opposite of independent, and I admit that I struggled with it. I wondered if we wouldn’t be better off separating for a while, if we were somehow damaging each other. I worried that I would never know if I were strong enough to be alone. But when it came down to it, I loved him. So we proceeded through high school and college. I drew lines, I insisted that we spend a certain amount of time apart and we’re both grateful for that now. We developed lives and interests that intersect happily but don’t completely overlap. We made friends, separately and together. We lived abroad separately and traveled together. We learned that we were happy apart and happier together and I felt less scared. Mostly.

The first time D mentioned marriage, it was completely offhand. I think we were watching Friends and one of the weddings happened and he said something musing about when we get married. I froze. I panicked. It’s not that I had decided I would never get married, it was just something I managed not to think about, ever. D, perceptive man that he is, carefully avoided bringing it up for several more years. Continue reading Rachel: On Deciding To Get Married

Posted in: Engagements & Proposals, Gender & Feminism, Planning, The Hard Stuff, Wedding Undergraduates | 103 Comments »

Feb 2011

Studio Mathewes Photography in Boston, MA

Today I'm delighted (delighted!) to write a post for Jocelyn of Studio Mathewes Photography, who runs her studio in Boston (and still shoots a heck of a lot of weddings in the Baltimore area, where she used to live). Jocelyn has been advertising with APW almost since the beginning (I just did a little count, and there are only one or two advertisers that have been with us longer). She's been with APW since the beginning because she fundamentally believes in what we're doing here, and gets you guys, and loves you. That, and she takes phenomenal pictures, which makes you extra lucky.

And, the other thing that makes you extra lucky is that she's offering a totally crazy-in-love-with-you-all discount. She told me that, "Any APW couple (with any wedding date) who books before April Fool's Day gets 25% off the entire package. I like APW folks." And, um, you guys? That's a HUGE discount, and you should get on it.

When I asked Jocelyn why she liked APW couples so much, she said, "I love working with, talking to, hanging out with all the folks on APW because they've got their brains and hearts in the right place: melded together in a perfect blend of unity. It's easy to get wrapped up in wedding madness, and the people on APW know that, acknowledge that, and are amazingly intentional about crafting their weddings--and their lives--into meaningful and beautiful events (and I'm not just talking photo-pretty)."

Studio Mathewes' photos are the real deal. They have this in-the-moment photojournalism mixed with a real sense of joy and whimsy. She captures the real moment's you don't want to forget: the grins, the hugs, the smooches, all with this precise and lovely artistic eye. Everything is framed beautifully, and there is such a delightful interplay of color and light.

I asked Jocelyn what her artistic philosophy was for Studio Mathewes Photography, and what she said was so wise that I think it sums up the whole philosophy of APW. She said, "Use what you have around you to your best advantage. Quit it with thinking about buying the next new amazing thing that will totally change your life or art (editors note: or wedding). Often, it's simply a matter of rethinking--seeing anew the familiar things around you, using an old tool in a new way, or discovering materials that can be re-used for an amazing alternative purpose."

So New England APW-ers, today is your lucky day! Go, browse Studio Mathewes, chat with Jocelyn, and then take advantage of the 25% off deal. And then send me pictures (I can't wait!).

Posted in: Sponsored Posts | 1 Comment »

Feb 2011

Ask Team Practical: Keeping the Fun In Your Marriage

with Alyssa

Today Alyssa is back with Ask Team Practical Friday, talking about fun in marriage (and good sex). Because yes, both totally exist. Also, while I'm at it, I should clue you in on a little secret. Alyssa has started up her own blog called Kind of a Mess, where she's hilarious every day of the week. I've been bugging her to do this for well over a year, since back when she was what David called "Lysachelle, Meg's biggest fan!" and when I would cry about my blog re-launch he would tell me, "Don't worry, Lysachelle will still read it!" Anyway, now we know Lysachelle's real name is Alyssa, and she's hilarious in real life too, and she finally has her own blog. Except don't read it now, because first you want to read her post, and share your secret marital fun. And then read it. Obviously.

Today's question is a little different but more important than you'd think upon first reading.

A. asks, "I see a lot of talk about the seriousness of marriage and how you'll be and how important it is. But what about the fun? My partner and I are fun, and we do a lot of great things together. I'm worried that the fun will stop after marriage. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment or that marriage will change us. But married couples just don't seem too...fun. I don't want marriage to make us (and our sex life) boring, like an old couple in a cafe who don't speak to each other."

Well, fun just depends on your attitude. Just the fact that you're thinking about it makes it less likely to happen. If you expect to be old and boring when you get married, you probably will. But if you go into your marriage thinking, "A. and N. Super couple of awesomeness. This will not stop," well then, the party should keep on rocking. Keep your relationship flexible to handle any natural changes, but if fun is your priority, then keep it at the top of your to-do list.

The problem is not that you might turn out to be un-fun, but that you might have some bad information about marriage. And at APW, clearing up misconceptions is what we do best.

It wasn't clear from your letter what kind of fun you mean, but keep in mind that fun is subjective. Your fun is not going to be another couple's fun, so don't compare yourself or look to others to judge your relationship. Especially since you only view snippets of other people's relationships at any given time. That old couple in the cafe? There is a distinct chance that they finish up their nice silent brunch, and then run home and strip down buck nekkid and play canasta. Your fun is not their fun. (Editors note: or IS it?)

Decide what kind of fun you want. Maybe you want to sail around the world (or maybe you really don't, I'm not sure I do, I just want to read about it). Maybe you want to buy chickens. Maybe you want to read decorating magazines next to your husband on a hot summer day. Maybe you want to make your husband a boob cake (What? I just gratuitously linked to my new blog. Meg said it was ok. Deal with it.) Regardless, sit down and make yourself a list of what's fun for you both. Continue reading Ask Team Practical: Keeping the Fun In Your Marriage

Posted in: Ask Team Practical, Reclaiming Wife | 179 Comments »

Feb 2011

APW Wedding Budgets, UPDATE!

Oh no you guys!

Oh no. I was... unclear? We misunderstood each other?

Today, when I asked you to send me an email with your budget amount and your location in the subject line, I meant that the email should include your budget. Right now I have a lot of blank emails, which is not so helpful for the book writing. So if you sent me a blank email, can you send a reply to your email to budget at apracticalwedding dot com, and this time include the budget itself? That would make you my best friend.

Later this week I'll be deleting the blank emails, because, well, I can't follow up with hundreds of you, as much as I adore you. I'll of course follow up if I'm going to print your budget it the book.

Thanks again,

PS Your advice in the comment section of the last post is intensely awesome, and will totally be helping me shape the budget chapter (and make the lives of future brides a little bit easier, I hope.

Posted in: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Feb 2011

Wedding Budgets & The APW Book

Hello All!

So now that I've FINALLY gotten to tell you that I'm writing the book, I can ask you guys to weigh in on it. Actually, I sort of cheated and did already back here (because I really wanted your input and I couldn't tell you why), but now we can talk about it for real. Obviously, Team Practical is all over the pages, in spirit and in quotes, giving advice to future brides, but I want more specific input from you guys in some areas.

Like budgets, because budgets are a total b*tch.

Most wedding books give you a break down on what you should spend on budgets (5% on favors? Really?) which are total nonsense, because obviously there are as many ways to do budgets as there are people. That said, I don't want to stick future brides with a SWAG budget,* so I need to give them some details.

So that's where you come in. I'm hoping to give four examples of real life budgets in the book, that break roughly along the following lines:

Under $5,000
Around $15,000 in Manhattan
Around $15,000 in Manhattan, Kansas (by which I obviously mean big city and not big city)
Around $25,000

If you'd be willing to share your budget with me, email budget at apracticalwedding dot com, with the rough amount of your budget and the location of the wedding in the email title. If I pick your budget to go in the book, I'll get back to you with forms to sign, and if I don't pick your budget (it really is not you, it's me) then I'll make out with you on the book tour anyway. Deal? Deal!

And now that we've brought it up, let's dish. What was the best thing you learned about money while planning your wedding? And, rather specifically, what did you learn about who pays? If your parents helped pay, how did that work? If you paid for all of it, how did that work? What advice would you pass on? Because for serious, I'm going to use whatever you say to help me figure out exactly what needs to go in this chapter, which pretty much means you're all in the Library of Congress. But we knew that when I got the book deal, right?

Ok, and now I'm all excited about the book! And you about guys!

Wiggle!

Meg

*To quote the excellent Sarah: "SWAG = seriously wild a** guess. I think that what it's called when you Google 'how much does a DJ cost?' 'how much does a live band cost?'"

Posted in: Budget | 185 Comments »