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How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding


Since this blog started as me talking sass and joy as we planned our wedding, I’m always thrilled to get to share voices of ladies in the trenches planning. (Seriously, y’all. If you’re new here and haven’t gone back and read my planning archives, do that thing.) We’ve been talking a lot about the really hard stuff in the past few weeks, and Rachelle’s post seemed like a blast of light – a reminder that as hard as wedding planning can be, there is this huge ray-of-light-total-joy when you say yes to the world as you want it to be, and no to things that are not for you. So with that, I bring you Rachelle (and her amazing photo session with Elissa R. Photography that she won right here on APW).

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

I never wanted to plan a wedding. I wanted to HAVE a wedding, but when it came to planning one, I was very happy to avoid the whole thing and run away to Vegas immediately after getting engaged. I worked in event planning for a few years after college and I knew that I could never go back to that scary land of “oh my god, the nametags are slightly off-center!” and, “so-and-so is really drunk and needs to be quietly babysat until they sober up and stop telling racist jokes to the bartender!” and, “we forgot X in the contract and now we’ll be 50% over budget!”

Even in the non-WIC world, it’s still all about model-esque pictures and fancy DIY projects and being the craziest, quirkiest, most unique thing possible.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

But you know what? You don’t have to do any of those things. You don’t have to be WIC and you don’t have to be a DIY queen and you don’t have to look like a model to be happy with your wedding. Maybe everyone else already knows this, but I’m a very practical person with a tendency to be selfish and unemotional, so if I didn’t realize it, maybe I’m not the only one.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

I realized that I could have OUR wedding, which didn’t have to be like anything else I had ever seen, when I noticed how I explained our engagement story. The first time we got engaged, we were drunk at a beer festival (my future husband is a brewer) and I said “I want to have this much fun and be this awesome with you indefinitely. We should get married.” And he looked at me and said “We ARE awesome. We SHOULD get married.” So we ran around the hotel taking silly pictures and making plans and being engaged. But neither of us felt like that was the “right” way to do it, so we got a ring and went to dinner at our favorite restaurant and he asked and I accepted and we finally considered ourselves engaged. But when people ask me now, 5 months later? I tell them we got drunk at a beer festival. Because that is us. That is us, being us at our most us-ness. And it never feels disappointing or less-than, it feels like one of the happiest moments of my life.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

So that’s how I came to love planning our wedding. I bought the first dress I tried on that I loved to twirl around in. We booked the first venue we visited because it felt happy and pretty and right. When we won a photoshoot with the amazing Elissa R Photography, we decided to dress up as Margot and Richie Tenenbaum for it, because it was just what we wanted to do. When I stopped worrying about the “right” thing, or the “best” thing, or the things I might regret, I opened my heart up to doing what I wanted, what we wanted, and it all fell into place pretty effortlessly.

Anything that we don’t care about is delegated to someone else. Cake? We trust the bakery. DJ? He’ll be having an intense meeting with Stephen because my almost-husband cares very much about the music. Centerpieces? I’m going to throw together some silk flowers and be done with it. Guestbook? Painstakingly shot photos from 2 photographers that I will probably spend a few weeks putting together in an album, because that sounds like fun to me.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

Those Royal Tenenbaums pictures? I thought they might be too pretentious or silly. I remembered seeing themed engagement shoots and thinking, why would you waste all that time and money just to pretend to be a model? But you know, f*ck that. We had so much fun taking those pictures, and they are so representative of who we are. We’re silly, we’re weird, we love to dress up and play pretend and we love Wes Anderson and beautiful photography. I’m a former actress and he’s a rockstar and we love being the center of attention. That’s what our photos say to me and I don’t give a sh*t now if someone finds them weird or pretentious. My favorite comment from Elissa’s blog of our pictures says something like “Who does a Royal Tenenbaums shoot? Awesome people, that’s who.” And that’s how we felt, so that’s why we did it.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

The wedding world seems to be filled with stress and negotiations and “OMG isn’t it OVER YET?” And those things have their place because event planning can be extremely difficult, I know. But for me, I wanted a wedding that was a joy to plan because otherwise it would never happen. I needed a fun-to-plan wedding, and I got it because I’m lucky to have family members who support our decisions and a very understanding future husband, and because I have said hell no to anything that I didn’t want to do, or that didn’t feel like us, and I said hell yes and fought for things that I knew would make our hearts sing.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

I have worries about my wedding day, but I don’t worry that I will regret our choices because our choices came from our hearts and from our knowledge of who we are and what we want. I spent the first couple weeks of our engagement crying (rare for me) and freaking out because I was so terrified of planning this event and I just flat out didn’t want to do it. But by being myself, the same self I am now and will be on my wedding day and will be after I’m a Mrs., I’ve been able to find peace and happiness in this process. I didn’t want to settle for 300 days of awful for 1 day of pure joy. I wanted 301 days of joy and I think I’m getting that by being true to who we are.

It feels amazing, and magical, and effortless.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Plan My Wedding | A Practical Wedding

Photos By: Elissa R. Photography

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  • carrie

    “Who does a Royal Tenenbaums shoot? Awesome people, that’s who.”

    LOVE IT!

    • http://jolynn.wordpress.com Jo

      I also, since I’m/we’re beer nerds, I *love* that you were drunk at a beer festival when you got engaged. You guys are awesome.

      • meredythbyrd

        I was a little drunk at a dull party, hanging around outside in the cold because my intended wanted to smoke and I wanted silence away from the awful people my (former) roommate was friends with. And we started talking and ended up with me asking if he’d marry me. But despite the slight drunken quality it felt the realist, because we were real with each other. I think that’s what makes it stick.

        Also, I love beer fests and I love this shoot! Now, how to copy the overall feel of the shoot while still being original? Hmmm.

        • Abby C.

          Love this!

          Actually, we were in bed fretting about the future of our relationship. He asked me how I felt, I blurted out “I want to marry you!” and burst into tears.

          After the waterworks were over, we discussed and realized that yes, we both wanted to get married. Not a formal proposal in sight, but that night felt so epic and real that we stayed up all night (on a work night) talking giddily about our plans.

          • Leigh Ann

            My engagement happened almost EXACTLY like this. We had been talking about marriage for a long time and had even gone to counseling a few months earlier. It felt like one of our standard talks about marriage and the future until he pulled out the ring. Afterward we went to Denny’s for hot chocolate and stayed up all night. Other people aren’t very impressed with this story, but it was authentically us. :)

  • http://jolynn.wordpress.com Jo

    Rachelle, you make my heart happy.

    As process/journey oriented as I am, I never really thought that wedding planning could be FUN. I’ve thought it could be really good in the hard ways, making us work together and use our best characteristics and learn to overcome our worst. I’ve thought it could be great for boundary setting and creating a foundation for US. I’ve figured there would be fun and dreamy times, times where you stay up late with wine and friends and giggle while you work through the food and the flowers and the whatnot, times where we talk about our visions. But overall? I tend to think it’s hard.

    I’m going to have to ponder this notion that all of these days can be enjoyable. Thanks for the really GREAT post.

    • meg

      There can be AWESOME times. We had really awesome times. The awesome times don’t get enough press, I’ll tell you that much.

      • http://irisira.wordpress.com irisira

        Totally. When my husband and I decided to get married at a vineyard, we had SO MUCH FUN letting the winery staff, well, wine us, as we chose what wines we wanted to serve. It’s such a small thing (well, choosing the venue isn’t small, but you know what I mean), and yet it was one of my favorite parts of wedding planning.

  • http://sarahsurgeon.blogspot.com sarah

    these might be the best engagement pictures i’ve ever seen…love them!!

  • Cass

    “But for me, I wanted a wedding that was a joy to plan because otherwise it would never happen.”
    Yes. Exactly.

    My first memories of thinking about a wedding as a little girl were me saying “I’ll pick what I think is pretty and be done with it.” And this post resonated with little-girl me.
    But I can say, that after all the wedding planning I’ve done now (6 weeks left!) I can honestly say that I’ve picked what I think is pretty, and I’ve been done with it.
    This has created a relatively stress-free planning process.

  • http://justneedthisspace.wordpress.com ddayporter

    ok first clue this post would be awesome: dr. strangelove-ish title of the post. and THEN that first picture, I stared at it for a second going who eff are these people?? and then I realized it was from the royal tenenbaums. and I fell in love with you!

    and then “We had so much fun taking those pictures, and they are so representative of who we are. We’re silly, we’re weird, we love to dress up and play pretend and we love Wes Anderson and beautiful photography. I’m a former actress and he’s a rockstar and we love being the center of attention. That’s what our photos say to me and I don’t give a sh*t now if someone finds them weird or pretentious.” Exactly.

    love your story. here’s to 301+ infinity!

    (..I’m really dying to see how apw manages to work some of my other favorite movies into posts this week. you are on a ROLL lately)

  • Hypothetical Sarah

    Even in the non-WIC world, it’s still all about model-esque pictures and fancy DIY projects and being the craziest, quirkiest, most unique thing possible. But you know what? You don’t have to do any of those things. You don’t have to be WIC and you don’t have to be a DIY queen and you don’t have to look like a model to be happy with your wedding. Maybe everyone else already knows this, but I’m a very practical person with a tendency to be selfish and unemotional, so if I didn’t realize it, maybe I’m not the only one.

    This was definitely a several month, two-part realization for me. When I found APW, I realized it was ok not to be WIC. It took me a while to realize that it’s also ok not to be BIC. Because I don’t live in a magazine, damnit. While I like designing pretty things on paper, rooms scare me. I’ve never been able to decorate my bedroom walls. That’s why we picked a naturally pretty venue. Just add some flowers and pray for sunshine!

    • meg

      I work really hard to get you guys to see that your wedding should just be what your wedding IS. That the point is how it feels, not how it looks. But I think, in the end, you still just have to figure it out for yourself.

      • Hypothetical Sarah

        Oh, I totally agree (and appreciate all the work that you do!) :)

    • meg

      Oh, and have you looked at our wedding pictures? Yeah. We pretty much had no decorations at all. Just a pretty venue.

  • Jen M

    Alcohol-related activities don’t get enough credit for how romantic they can be. My BF is also a brewer and we have had some very loving and romantic moments while drunk at beer festivals. We’ve made mead together and it was a very loving thing to be tought by him, since beer brewing is too complicated for me. And now I want him to propose to me while drunk and at a beer festival. booze FTW.

  • http://arduousblog.blogspot.com ruchi

    “I didn’t want to settle for 300 days of awful for 1 day of pure joy. I wanted 301 days of joy and I think I’m getting that by being true to who we are.”

    WORD.

    It’s interesting. At the last APW-book club meeting in SF, one girl asked if anyone actually enjoyed planning her wedding?

    And after everyone shook their heads, I had to, kind of ashamedly put my hand up.

    I LOVE planning my wedding. Does that make me a dork?

    I love the conversations that have come out of planning, as my fiance and I have navigated cross-cultural boundaries to figure out what in our respective cultures is really important to us.
    I love how we’ve both become seriously invested in pieces of the wedding that are from the other’s culture. As my fiance said yesterday, at first he had to deal with the idea of wearing Indian clothes and a bride not dressed in white, and serving fusiony food, and now, he can’t imagine it any other way.
    I love getting to support really cool artists and small business owners.
    I love getting to involve our close family and friends, and feeling the love as they genuinely ask if I need help or even when they offer their opinions.
    I love seeing this event slowly come together just as I’ve seen my life slowly come together with my fiance.

    Do I stress out about my wedding? Yes. Are there days when I hate my wedding? Yes. Are those days vastly outnumbered by the days when I am so unbelievably grateful for my wedding, my life, my family and friends, and my fiance? YES.

    • meg

      I think there are parts of wedding planning that I loved, and parts that I hated (the emotional building a family parts), and mostly we were pretty easy going about it. I think long after it’s done though, the take away becomes, “I love my wedding, and I’m SO F*CKING GLAD I never have to plan it again.” Even though we had pretty laid back and enjoyable planning (I mean, hello, I founded APW while planning my wedding, just to write about how it could be sane.) So, its interesting how time changes the way I look at it.

      I’m really glad I can spend all that energy on something else now. Maybe that colors my memory? Anyway, I did often enjoy planning my wedding, and I think you should too.

      • http://youngsandinlove.blogspot.com valery

        “I love my wedding, and I’m SO F*CKING GLAD I never have to plan it again.”

        Fingers-and-toes-crossed-can’t-wait-to-have-this-reaction. Yessssss.

      • http://irisira.wordpress.com irisira

        Meg, that’s *exactly* how I felt. In fact, I remember a dear friend, as she hugged me goodbye as she left the venue, saying, “I am sorry it’s over!” and my response was, “I’m glad you had a great time, but I’m not sorry.” I loved my wedding SO much, but I was happy to see it end, and I’m happy to go through my photos and relive it with my husband, as we plan new adventures. :)

        • Aine

          there’s an Irish comedian over here, called Ed Burns, who recently got married and does a bit on his show about it. My favorite parts are:

          “You know the best thing about being married? Its being able to wake up in the morning and KNOW that you don’t have to plan a f*cking wedding.”

          and “There’s all these people trying to get money off you, and they all tell you, its the happiest day of your life, shouldn’t you splurge on X, Y or Z? Surely, of all the days, the one day the details don’t matter is on the happiest day of your life!…. “Yep, here I am, with all my friends and family, about to marry the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, but his tie doesn’t match her shoes so I’m leaving.”

    • Amanda

      I loved planning our wedding, too! Loved it. I know that has a lot to do with my amazing, helpful, supportive family and my equally amazing husband. I’ve said more than a few times in the last 6 months of marriage how I wish I could be planning again – for a friend, or even as an event planner – that’s how much I enjoyed that period of my life. So no, Ruchi, I don’t think that makes you a dork! I think that makes you a very lucky lady to be enjoying this time in your life :)

    • suzanna

      Ruchi, I just have to exactly every single point you’ve made. I’ve been so happily surprised at how wonderful being engaged and planning a wedding is. Yes, stressful sometimes, but the overall amazingness is amazing (I’m feeling super smart today). The love and excitement we get from everyone we know, the building of our foundation and our future, honoring our cultures…it’s very magical indeed. I had no idea how much my heart would grow!

  • http://www.newlyla.blogspot.com AKP

    “When I stopped worrying about the “right” thing, or the “best” thing, or the things I might regret, I opened my heart up to doing what I wanted, what we wanted, and it all fell into place pretty effortlessly.”

    THIS is the point.

    I feel like I finally came to a similar realization toward the end of my wedding planning journey. I really struggled with trying to plan an event that would honor every one of the traditions/religious beliefs of our (very different) families, and would satisfy everyone’s expectations (including those of the wedding blogs that I thought I had to live up to), but would also somehow be some ultimate, cohesive represetnation of our entire relationship together. And this may not apply to everyone, but in my case, there were some people involved with the “wedding crazies” that made the planning even more difficult and dramatic than it should have been.

    Talk about pressure.

    Well, luckily I slowly came to my senses and in the end, I put ourselves above everything else and designed a ceremony just for us. And you know what? Everyone loved it because it was true and authentic. And actually, it didn’t matter what they thought of it because it felt exactly right to us (not that it didn’t feel wonderful and like a relief to know that we had made something that our families could enjoy and relate to as well). So girl, you’re so right. Good for you for getting here before I did!

    Thank you for the awesome post, and AWESOME pictures.

  • Class of 1980

    I was talking with a friend my age (52) who got married in her late twenties. She is doing a reading at a wedding next week and we started talking about weddings. She had 250 people at her wedding. And since many guests were from out-of-town, it was a long weekend wedding with many activities.

    I asked her if she would do it again and the answer was “Eff no! I’d get married on a beach with family and close friends only. It would be relaxing!”

    Her guests would say her wedding was a success. But she had a coordinator who was essentially worthless, so she was completely stressed behind the scenes.

    Thank goodness, her actual marriage is fantastic.

    But I’ve been wondering what is wrong with weddings if you can’t wait until they’re over. This post sums up exactly how I feel. Other than family drama, if the planning isn’t fun, then what’s the point?

    (Although, I do understand Meg’s feelings of not wanting to do it more than once.)

    • http://ladybrettashley.wordpress.com lady brett

      on the one hand, i’m a fan of enjoying yourself as much as possible, so i really get where you’re coming from with “if the planning isn’t fun, then what’s the point?”

      but i think that some things are not enjoyable, and that doesn’t make them not okay.

      on the other hand, not *all* good end results are worth wading through shit to get to.

      • Class of 1980

        Well, I figured it went without saying that SOME parts of planning anything are going to be tedious, like RSVPs. But if the whole thing is a big cluster-f*ck, then why bother?

        Sometimes people don’t perceive that there are really very few “must haves” and think they have to suffer implementing everything they think is standard fare, whether it brings pleasure or not.

        Don’t be a martyr to your wedding. ;)

        • http://ladybrettashley.wordpress.com lady brett

          ha!
          “Don’t be a martyr to your wedding.”
          brilliant!

  • LV Anna

    Thank you! I needed to hear this today. We have 6 weeks and change left before our wedding, and I am seriously done with not enjoying the process. It seems that most of my disenchantment has actually been dealing with the difficulties my bridal party has had with each other and their expectations – different ideas of fun, different ideas of what is important, strong (and different!) opinions on decor, feasibility and more. I love them dearly, but I want to ring their necks.

    Here is to joy, and remembering to find it everywhere.

  • http://ladybrettashley.wordpress.com lady brett

    how awesome! and, also i really really think those were taken at the church i grew up in (st. pauls, by chance?). it’s funny that that part puts my little non-religious heart aflutter =)

  • http://koruwedding.blogspot.com Koru Kate

    LOVE your engagement photos!

    & love this: “I didn’t want to settle for 300 days of awful for 1 day of pure joy. I wanted 301 days of joy and I think I’m getting that by being true to who we are.” Planning my wedding wasn’t all sunshine & roses but it was mostly fun times. There are some moments I want to keep in my heart forever & never, ever forget. I wish everyone could say the same!

    • Class of 1980

      That was my favorite line too.

  • http://fianceesarehumanstoo.tumblr.com/ Anna

    4 months left of planning and I’m at the stage where my to-do list keeps me up at night ( I think I was always at that stage really..)…so I really needed a reminder that it can be fun! My Tuesday resolution: find a fun part to plan. Or find a boring part to plan and make it fun. Thanks Rachelle!

  • http://www.snowflakesinfrance.wordpress.com Alice

    Thank you APW and awesome Rachelle for posting this right now. I’m 10 days away from being a Mrs., and at this point I’m so sick of making decisions. If anyone asks me — AGAIN — where I want to put my bouquet during the reception, or how we might keep our lovely vendors from stealing (stealing? why would they steal it?) our box of cards from guests, I will not only scream. I will whisk Jon away and we will go to Vegas.

    But this post reminded me that up to this point, we’ve decided to do what’s right for us in planning this celebration of our love, and there are parts of it the I LOVE, and projects that I had fun doing with my bridal brigade. There are also pieces that I just didn’t do — no cake, no flowers except for my bouquet — and I’ve never looked back. I think I might just read this post every day for the next 10 days to keep my sanity in check.

    p.s. Love the Wes Anderson shoot!

    • http://youngsandinlove.blogspot.com valery

      Isn’t there always a comment that you want to click Exactly! like 39850 times? This is mine for this post.

    • meg

      STEALING? Whoa. People are crazy.

  • Edelweiss

    “But by being myself, the same self I am now and will be on my wedding day and will be after I’m a Mrs., I’ve been able to find peace and happiness in this process.”

    Awesome. That is what my intended is good at and what I’m constantly forgetting. I like me, I like you, we’re good – and that’s what matters. Thank you!

  • http://ridiculouslyeverafter.blogspot.com nikki

    Holy shit. ROYAL TENENBAUM PHOTO SHOOT!!?!? This is amazing.

  • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com ka

    ROYAL TENENBAUMS!!!

    *ehem* sorry.

    awesome people, indeed. and wise.

  • Lisa

    Wow. This post is so appropriate for me right now. So much of it hits home – picking the first dress I loved, picking the first venue we went to because we loved it and the fear of planning. I feel like first you’re overwhelmed because you don’t know how to plan a wedding, then as you “learn” you become overwhelmed because you worry about what’s appropriate or what’s not, and if you should do things a certain way or if it should look a certain way. But I think this has helped my doubts immensely. Just go with what feels right and you won’t regret it. I think this will be my new motto :)

  • Stephanie

    Wow, your photos are freaking fantastic!! I LOVE the Royal Tannenbaums! Yeah! You guys are awesome for doing something different and unique and that will make you chuckle (when you need it) for so many years to come. I often think that a photo that makes you laugh is worth so much more because every time you walk by it, it reminds you of your silly realness – not just the time when you got all dressed up.

    Great post!

  • http://www.ohdeerio.com Rachelle

    Thank you, everyone, for reading my post and getting what I was trying to say. Class of 1980 said it perfectly, “don’t be a martyr to your wedding.” Of course its stressful sometimes, but it CAN be fun too and thats what I wanted and what I hope for my fellow brides-to-be.

    And thanks for loving our pictures. Elissa nailed it perfectly and I can’t wait to see what we come up with at the wedding.

  • Kaitlyn

    This post is interesting to me because I had to decide to step back and STOP wedding planning. I was getting myself completely caught up in nonsense like centerpieces and chair covers. I even had a panic attack over engagement photos. They are a Thing that is Supposed to Be Done. But my FH and I? We HATE being the center of attention.

    So now I am doing absolutely nothing until 6 months before the wedding. It feels awesome.

  • http://irisira.wordpress.com irisira

    The first time we got engaged, we were drunk at a beer festival (my future husband is a brewer) and I said “I want to have this much fun and be this awesome with you indefinitely. We should get married.” And he looked at me and said “We ARE awesome. We SHOULD get married.” So we ran around the hotel taking silly pictures and making plans and being engaged.

    Um, seriously? I really want to be friends with you guys in real life.

  • http://shellynn.wordpress.com Michelle

    Before I got married, I kept thinking I could submit a post to APW about all I was learning and enjoying during the engagement. Now that I’m married, I don’t think back to the 14 months of planning. I think back to the one day. Thank you for reminding me of that time and the parts that weren’t stressful. Because now that I think about it, I did have fun planning our wedding. Picking out invitations, finding the chalkboard to go with the photobooth, swooning over headbands. There are definitely plenty of awesome parts mixed in with the stamp-buying and RSVP-collecting.

  • Ash

    I needed to hear this today THANK YOU! I am having wardrobe drama. and it is making me nervous. Thoughts like “I am going to look gross/ridiculous” keep coming in ekkkkkk.

    “you don’t have to look like a model to be happy with your wedding”

    THANK YOU!!

  • Rebekah

    “I have said hell no to anything that I didn’t want to do, or that didn’t feel like us, and I said hell yes and fought for things that I knew would make our hearts sing.”

    This is why I keep reading this website. This feels like the message Meg tries to get across (maybe just to me) with every post, and is exactly what I am going to use as my mantra when I finally plan my own wedding.

    Thank you, Rachelle, for being you and for being self-secure enough to share it with us. You rock, and best wishes!

  • LaurenF

    I love The Royal Tenenbaums! I always wanted to dress up as Margot for Halloween, but have yet to get my hands on a fur coat and Lacoste shirtdress. And Elissa R is shooting our San Antonio wedding in July, so yay for that. Also, don’t tell anyone, but I too have enjoyed the wedding planning process. Each thing I tick off my to-do list makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, and I get excited thinking about the yummy food and pretty flowers and fun music and meaningful ceremony. I get a bit of a rush when I feel like I’ve scored an awesome deal on something or when I add everything up and see that I’m still under budget. I’m a big-time planner by nature, so these are the kinds of things that I really enjoy, though the hundreds (it seems like) of phone calls I’ve had to make have been a little annoying, especially since I am planning a south Texas wedding from the top of Indiana. And–again, don’t tell anyone–but I kind of think that I *would* do it again. So that’s probably a good thing for my twin sister, who totally hates this sort of thing!

  • http://www.lovelyatyourside.com LovelyOlivia

    THIS x 1000. I needed to hear this today, especially after a particularly “tough wedding planning” weekend. I am really going to try and remember this post next time things get all wonky.

  • http://fromasmallstep.blogspot.com/ Kinzie Kangaroo

    “I said hell yes and fought for things that I knew would make our hearts sing.”

    Beautiful. Yes.

  • diana banana

    wow, i wish i could’ve seen this a year ago while planning my own wedding. i too cried more tears in this period than i had in the past 10 years combined. i felt so much pressure to be unique, memorable, gorgeous, etc. etc, and yet at the same time i didn’t give a rat’s azz about a lot of “traditional” things. although, in a way i felt pressured to let everyone know how little i cared about a big cake, guest book, favors and the like, so it’s not like that stress was taken away. in the end, i just learned that the best thing to do was to avoid looking at wedding blogs. (since i never looked at the magazines, given how “unique” and “indie” i was supposed to be) it was like trying so hard to make the planning easy and fun that the effort to do so was compounding the stress.

    in the end, it was a beautiful, unique, memorable day that was very “us,” and i wish someone told me that would be inevitable because it was US who got married.

    (also, the only people reading wedding blogs are other brides, so unless you have friends who go to 10+ weddings a year, no one will accuse you of copying someone else!)

    • Carreg

      “and yet at the same time i didn’t give a rat’s azz about a lot of “traditional” things. although, in a way i felt pressured to let everyone know how little i cared about a big cake, guest book, favors and the like, so it’s not like that stress was taken away.”

      So true. It’s like if you admit you care about something you then have to shed tears over getting it perfect. Whereas so many things are in the ‘care a bit’ category. ie would I be sorry if it was absent or rubbish? yes. would it ruin the whole day for me? er, no. I feel like I’ve sort of fought everyone off (all in my mind really) and now I have to sort of sidle back saying unto them ‘so how can I make my hair look halfway decent then?

  • Analise

    now THAT is a way to LIVE!!

  • http://amusinglist.wordpress.com Christina

    This sounds like it could be called “intuitive wedding planning.” I like it. The next time one of my friends gets engaged and is freaking out, I am going to print this out and make them read it. I love it.

  • http://iamkerion.blogspot.com/ Keri Barker (of course)

    I just blogged about this same thing; only Rachelle said it ten times better! This lifted my heart! THANK YOU!

  • Jane

    I love the approach and attitude you take in being who you are and not apologizing for it. Even though I’m long past my wedding planning days, I can still use these little reminders from time to time–and this is exactly the kind of stuff that still keeps me coming around to APW. Thanks for featuring this, Meg!

  • Alexandra

    Radness. I’ve mostly had a chill attitude toward things, found our venue without a ton of searching, found my dress without a lot of in-person looking…
    Rock on. Hurrah to beer people, too. :P