Marriage, Miscarriage, and Loss


Today’s post is about the hard stuff, so prepare yourself! Tomorrow, we’ll be discussing the pretty stuff (weddings, weddings, weddings) so don’t worry. But today, we wanted to tackle a conversation about marriage: what happens when things go terribly wrong. Lately I’ve started to think that the real purpose of marriage is having someone, or perhaps also having an institution, that holds you up when things get really hard. Someone to hold your hand, and let you cry, and maybe coax a tiny little laugh out of you when you need it most. Today we have a post from Meghan of We Ski Slow who’s wedding graduate post you can find here, and who the APW team met when she hosted the APW Salt Lake City Meetup in January. Today she’s talking about her miscarriage, and what she learned about her marriage when it happened.

Marriage, Miscarriage, and Loss | A Practical Wedding

I miscarried at 11 weeks 5 days along. Eric and I were married just under a year when we learned that we would be expecting a baby. A BABY!  We were shocked and then we were thrilled. It was such a big thing, but we took things slowly as we could. We told our loved ones and we also told clerks while in line at stores. We started to dream big as my belly started to grow. Tried to figure out how this tiny being would fit into our lives.

On a Sunday afternoon in mid-September I started spotting. I panicked quietly for a hour or two in the back yard and while curled on the couch and then I panicked with my husband and I panicked all over the Internet. I talked to my midwife and then took it easy, it would either get worse or it would get better, 50/50 or so she said. I went to work on Monday and cried to my lovely coworkers that knew. We tiptoed around Monday night.

In the early hours of Tuesday morning the cramping started and I knew. I lay in bed next to my husband and knew. I curled up next to him and whispered to him. We held each other and as the sun started to rise the bleeding started and we knew. We shook with tears and planned what would happen over the next few hours in consultation with my midwife. We were going to stay at home and let it progress. Yes, let’s call work, call our parents, then a shower, then bacon and eggs then movies. I was trying to figure out what people did when they were losing their baby.

When I was in the shower shaking and bleeding I sat down and cried. When I got out of the shower and could not get cleaned up faster than the blood was coming I called my midwife and called my husband into the room. He gently helped me get cleaned up and into sweatpants, wrapped in a blanket and into the car. He was so purposeful as I was falling apart more literally than I ever had before.

We spent time with my midwife and her lovely nurse and then we were sent to the Emergency Department because my blood pressure wasn’t coming up and the gushes continued. I had my first ultrasound. My first ultrasound. A moment that I had expected to be so happy for, we had one scheduled for the following week and I had imagined how I would feel, squeezing Eric’s hand and finally letting the dreaming go big. I wasn’t sure what we would see and silently worried about it during the wheelchair ride to radiology. She placed the wand on my belly and we squeezed each others hand for comfort and solidarity as we bore witness to that empty gestational sac.

We went home after I stabilized and the cramping eased. We hit the drive through for burgers and went home and spiked our cokes and ate our salty fries. We cleaned the horror movie bathroom and I boxed up all of the baby books and other assorted, accumulated things that I had scattered around the house. Later that night as we lay on the couch and in our bed we told each other the story over and over again. From my perspective, then his, then ours, then back again. Over and over.  I talked to everyone I knew and so many stories were told and all of these stories saved me. They still do.

The following weekend we planned for recovery. We went to our quiet cabin loaded down with all of the healing things that we could think of. We sat in the sun and walked with our dog. We were gentle with each other.

When we sat on the porch looking at the stars that night I made Eric promise me that next time we would not be scared. I think I even made him pinkie swear.We promised each other to be brave.

I don’t have a happy ending to this story yet. We are still going through this particular journey, but I know now, more than ever, that I picked the right person be on it with me.

Update: Meghan announced on her blog last week that she is now 12 weeks pregnant, and past the marker of where she miscarried last time. She’s honoring that promise she made to be brave.

Marriage, Miscarriage, and Loss | A Practical Wedding

Wedding Photo: Alfredo Santiago


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  • http://sarahsurgeon.blogspot.com/ sarah

    meghan…you rock, thanks for sharing your story. i think the tough times we go through remind us what amazing people we have around us, and your husband sounds like an amazing guy. i love the part about pinky swearing not to be scared..

  • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.com/ Jenny- Adventures Along the Way

    “I talked to everyone I knew and so many stories were told and all of these stories saved me. They still do.”

    Thank you for bravely sharing your story with us. I was so moved by how you shared your journey that I cried straight through the post. I appreciate your openness, and I suspect your story will help many others, both now and also in the future. And I am so happy to hear the update. Congratulations!

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      The stories are what helped the most. I received letters from my mom’s friends what had miscarried thirty years earlier and from one of Eric’s cousins that had lost her baby at 20 weeks. That is why I decided to share my story.

  • Stephanie

    Congrats Meghan and Eric!!! Both of you are so brave. Thank you for sharing your story. Best wishes!

  • http://www.arunnerslife.wordpress.com msimoin

    I’m a long-time reader but rarely comment…But I am literally sobbing over this post. It’s so moving and Meghan is so brave and I’m SO happy for her strength to try again…I’ve never experienced this but it’s probably my biggest fear, along with not being able to conceive at all…

  • Richelle

    Oh wow. Just wow. I also sobbed all the way through, especially the middle you knew you were on the process of miscarrying for so long and just had to endure it. Oh my God. Your man sounds like a treasure and you are so blessed to be expecting again! Congratulations. It’s okay to be scared sometimes too. You have learned that you will endure even through such hell. I have to also say thank you for talking about something that isn’t talked about enough. My story was having to go through fertility treatment, which is a tough, tough road. I am now happy to say I’m expecting twins. (beam beam beam). I’ve tried to talk about it when it felt right for me, and inevitably someone says, you know i never told anyone but me too, or my sister too, or my wife too. Including a few people who typically tell me lots and lots of things. Telling normalizes it, and I think it helps others. So Meghan, bravo for you today. For enduring, and for telling.

    • http://jolynn.wordpress.com jolynn

      Congratulations!!! Twins, Basil, TWINS!

      • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

        TWINS!

        • Richelle

          Thank you both! The man and I are just over the moon happy, and scared. It will be amazing, and we feel so blessed especially after the road it took to get here. But today’s for Meghan, and hugs to her!!! Brave woman.

        • Emery

          Twins? I bet that your first baby decided not to give up, and brought some help along this time. Best of luck to you, and congrats!

    • http://www.moodeous.com Kristy

      “Telling normalizes it, and I think it helps others.”

      Richelle, I think you’re so right.

      And Meghan you are so very brave and strong for sharing your story so publicly. I know women who have gone through multiple miscarriages trying to start their families and it’s heart breaking to hear about, but mostly I’m sad that more women don’t share these stories so they can at least find solidarity in shared pain. And maybe that can be some consolation for the hard reality of going through such a horrible thing… :(

  • http://thehoneymoonproject.com Emma

    Oh, Meghan, thank you so much for sharing this with us – it is so thoughtful, moving, brave, and full of love.
    And what an update – huge huge congratulations! x

  • http://nickandnoragettingmarried.wordpress.com Annie

    Meghan, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I’m sure there are so many couples who take comfort in your words and find solace in knowing that there’s someone else out there who’s experience a similar loss. But I love your promise to be brave. To me, this is such a beautiful example of how much strength and love a couple can share. It’s really a case of the sum being greater than the parts. I’m definitely going to keep this promise in mind for any future difficulties. Best wishes to Meghan and Eric and their growing family!

  • http://www.lovelyatyourside.com LovelyOlivia

    This was so beautiful and heartbreaking. I’m not pregnant, not even married to my man yet, but the thought of two people going through that together just made me start crying. What is marriage if not to have a partner during the times you can’t get up off the bathroom floor? I am so happy for you, and your bump looks super adorable!

    • http://hartandsolphoto.com Maddie

      “What is marriage if not to have a partner during the times you can’t get up off the bathroom floor?”

      This is what I’ve been trying to pull myself together to say. Throughout Meghan’s post I was so heartbroken for them both, but also so hopeful and happy for them because truly if you can get through something like this together, then you have something very special in your life.

      Congratulations on your pregnancy and thank you for having the bravery to share it with us today.

      <3

  • http://meaghantothemax.wordpress.com Meaghan

    Meghan, I knew that you’d miscarried, but never read the whole story. Thanks so much for being brave enough to share it – I’m sure that, like the stories of others helped you through, your story is helping someone now. . You and Eric seem like you’re doing a great job of not being scared this time around. Also, thanks for making me cry on the bus? Not that last one.

  • http://www.themidenmetallurgist.com The Maiden Metallurgist

    I’m so sorry for your loss- I know opening up and sharing can open old wounds, but I know too, how cathartic it can be to take away the secret aspect of something big. I hope sharing here does just that for you. Congratulations on the baby on the way- best wishes for your beautiful future.

  • http://jolynn.wordpress.com jolynn

    Oh, darling Meghan! This post had me sobbing as well. I hurt for you then, and I glee for you now, praying with all of my heart that this works.

    You inspire me so much to be weak together, which makes us strong together. Blessings on Baby Slow Skiier, who is him/herself a Blessing!

    • http://www.christytylerphotographyblog.com Christy

      Yes to all of this! I’m a sobbing mess – but I read it knowing that you are expecting now and so I was crying sad and happy tears for you all at once. Thank you so much for sharing your story love!

  • http://koruwedding.blogspot.com Koru Kate

    I came home from my honeymoon to the news that my best friend had miscarried. My heart still bleeds for her & her husband! I quickly learned that miscarriage is a topic that not many people talk about. Meghan, thank you for your honestly & bravery in sharing your story. It will help others!!

    Congratulations & best wishes to you & your growing family~

  • http://www.peoniesandpolaroids.com Peonies

    Thank you so much for sharing, you brave woman.

    And a million congratulations to you both, may this journey be the bestest ever.

  • Carreg

    That’s really brave — thank you for being willing to tell us about it.

  • http://thinkingwedding.blogspot.com Rhiannon

    Sometimes things don’t have a happy ending, we just grow from them.

    I think it’s a bit like the whole ‘being hollewed out by sorrow, you can be filled with greater joy.’

    Big love.

  • http://bunniesnbeagles.blogspot.com Ms. Bunny

    Congratulations Meghan! You are one super brave woman to share this story with us, and I’m sure it will help many women, just as other people’s stories helped you.

    What an amazing community we have that people like Meghan can feel confident enough to share the story of pain and partnership with us.

  • http://bluesuedeidos.com Beth

    Thank you for sharing your story. For what it’s worth, I think you’ve already shown just how brave you are.

  • Anon

    Thank you for sharing your story. I recently went through the same thing. I miscarried 4 weeks ago, which was only 4 months after our wedding. My first ultrasound was also in the ER. It was devastating… I thought my first ultrasound would be amazing, hearing a heart beat, beaming at my husband as we say, “That’s our BABY”. Instead it was horrible, as you can imagine. The experience also confirmed for me how amazing and supportive my husband is. There was a moment when I said to myself, “On our wedding day, filled with such happiness, who would have thought we’d be experiencing such pain so soon.” We’re okay. I’m okay. But I must be honest, it is HARD at times to see pregnant women. I’m also genuinely happy for them… I had 2 friends deliver this weekend and I have a niece arriving any day now, but it’s a reminder that I *should* be almost 4 months pregnant right now. I’m trying to look at the new babies as a sign of hope. I believe everything happens for a reason and that our time to be parents will come, but right now, it hurts. And every so often I think I’m over it, which is silly to believe I would be. Then I cry.

    Thank you, thank you for sharing. As another commenter noted, people don’t often talk of miscarriage so thank you for being brave enough to share it here.

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      I also found being around pregnant women hard. I was ashamed at how much I was affected by it, especially with women that were near my due date. I would look at them and wonder how I would be, how big my baby would have been. It was awful.

      I am so sorry that you miscarried. It is a loss that is hard to imagine unless you have experienced it. If you would like to talk, please email me weskislow at gmail dot com
      and I also wrote a bit about the dark times on my blog.

      • Sarah

        Yes. Though there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

        For me, I was sad, and bitter, and jealous, and ashamed … and then I heard later from my friends who had been pregnant at the time that THEY were ashamed for being so happy in light of my sadness.

        They said, and I believe them, that they could understand what I was going through … because watching it happen to me made them have the very real fear of it happening to them. But those on the outside, completely? No one could really, fully understand it.

        Which is why it’s so, so important to have communities like this … where we can share and support, and really KNOW there is someone who gets it.

  • http://marriageable.wordpress.com Mary

    Wow. This is an incredibly brave post. Thank you, Meghan, for sharing your story and for leaving me thoughtful and quiet this morning. And congratulations again. :)

  • JUST JENCIL

    The post had me holding back tears at work until I got to the pinky swear part and had to let them go. Your bravery and love is inspiring.

  • Fab

    Meghan, thank you for sharing! It will help so many women. Of course APW would shine some light on this topic–I think that you were exactly the woman to do it.

  • http://www.mauradeedy.com maura

    “Later that night as we lay on the couch and in our bed we told each other the story over and over again. From my perspective, then his, then ours, then back again. Over and over. I talked to everyone I knew and so many stories were told and all of these stories saved me. They still do.”

    yes… this is grieving. this is healing.
    thank you sharing.

  • Paranoid Libra

    This post on miscarrying has made me realize why part of me was going crazy about getting married now now now. My mother had a difficult time concieving and was told by doctors she was infertile. My parents accepted they would not concieve naturally, yet to their surprise, my mom wound up with a total of 3 kids. I want the marriage to be there so that i am not trying later in life and wind up not being able to. I also feel i might have had a very early miscarriage myself as i had a period come 2 weeks late and it was a painful period inwhich i had screwed up my bc during and i had waaay more well tissue coming out of me. It’s very possible it was just stress delayed the period and coincidence it was a heavier one but it has frightened me about not being able to have children naturally which makes me not want to wait too long.

    Thank you for sharing your story. Congrats on the 12 weeks bump.

    And thank you APW for not ignoring the hard stuff that is often ignored or shamed by others.

    • http://txtingmrdarcy.wordpress.com Txtingmrdarcy

      YES YES YES. My parents went through the same thing with many many miscarriage, but without the happy ending… I can’t help but be worried about my own road in the future…
      But thank you for being SO BRAVE and sharing and letting those of us are that scared know that with an amazing partner there is light at the end of the tunnel.

      CONGRATULATIONS!!

      • Shotgun Shirley

        Hey, they had you, didn’t they? Happy ending.

  • http://kbegnaud.tumblr.com Kathryn

    The most moving part to me is that you guys promised each other that the next time you would not be scared. Thank you for sharing this reminder, because I find myself getting scared of moving forward after things fall apart, especially when trying something again. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this and thank you for your courage to try again and not give in to that kind of fear. And thanks for reminding us all that when things fall apart, people are important and relationships are good for healing. So glad you found someone to hold your hand through this. Sending love and good thoughts your way!

  • http://www.kellyandellen.org/house Ellen

    Thank you so much for this post.

    I miscarried about 6 weeks ago. My physical miscarriage happened 4 weeks after I found out that my pregnancy wasn’t viable, however, so I had done a lot of my grieving already and the miscarriage came as a relief of the pain of waiting and knowing that my body wasn’t going to carry a baby to term this time.

    But the grief I have is still tangible. I realize this as I’m sitting here in my office, reading this post with tears streaming down my face…

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      I am so sorry. I wish that I had better words than sorry.

    • Sarah

      Oh, Ellen. ::hugs tight::

    • Richelle

      Ellen, sending you a big hug from Boston. Take your time. This is very new, and you will feel like hell for a while. But then, then, you will start to feel a little stronger, and a little stronger and then you will say OMG I’m actually living with this. Big hug.

      • http://www.moodeous.com Kristy

        You ladies are incredible. I love that APW can bring women together like this. Proud to be a reader and a sponsor!

        • Aine

          This is what APW is FOR. We talk about shame-blasting, and supporting each other, and choices, but what we are doing here is creating a community of women, the kind that seems almost lost in the physical world these days, where we can have these conversations, and brave women like Meghan can use their courage and tell their stories. We need to talk about the worst things, the scary things, things that, for example, I couldn’t talk about in my family because “it’s bad luck, tempting fate, etc.” We need a space to discuss the fact that, yes, this kind of thing happens. It may happen to any of us, it may happen soon, and we need to know that we can get through it.

          Thank you, Meghan, and everyone who has shared her story in this thread. I hope you know the real true good you are doing by writing.

          • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

            YES! I was lucky to have an incredibly supportive spouse, family, friends, coworkers to share with and of course my blog buddies were a huge part of my recovery process.

          • http://hartandsolphoto.com Maddie

            YES YES YES. This is exactly how I feel about APW, but I have such a hard time describing the bigness of this community to people when I suggest they check it out.

            I really think that we are doing something marvelous here and it’s people like Meghan, who are so brave, that make it possible.

  • Faith

    The tears definitely began at the very top of this post. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out in such a public way and I think it is very affirming to hear a story of a person walking through such a difficult situation.

    I truly appreciate reading your words and you have my deepest sympathy.
    I do also joy with you in your excitement:)

    Marriage is about the hard stuff. That is when love and beauty are truly real and tangible. Anyone can love someone when things are great and easy…it’s the truly ugly, wrong, unjust stuff that shows whether that love is able to withstand the storm.

    Thank you.

  • Class of 1980

    Meghan,

    I am sorry for your past disappointment and HAPPY for your pregnancy now.

  • Jen

    Wow, thanks for sharing. I went in for an ultrasound two weeks ago today, just to hear the heartbeat for the first time, and there wasn’t one. I’m still reeling, and my baby marriage (less than a year) is reeling, and I know what’s been most helpful to me that others have been through it and survived. It’s powerful knowledge.

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      Oh Jen. What an awful experience. As others have said and I agree, it does get better with fits and starts. And my best advice is to be gentle with yourself and your spouse. Take time to grieve and to talk. We had also just planted a lilac below what was to be the nursery window. I used that as a memorial and it helped, and now there are little buds on its branches.

      • Jen

        Thanks. We’re actually in a whole bunch of limbo too, because we gave up our home, pets, vehicles, jobs with the intention to take a job abroad, but it fell apart just when we found out we were pregnant, so we’re kind of homeless (though with a roof over our heads–we moved in with the in-laws for what was supposed to be one week and is now looking at three months). Grieving is hard enough with constant eyes–never mind memorializing. We’re hoping to be in different physical (never mind emotional) places a month from now. I think I might finally get a tattoo. The mate is designing one for me so we never forget this little one.

    • Sarah

      ::hugs::

  • http://lincolnparkonalark.wordpress.com Anni

    Meghan, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your honesty about a situation which most people decline to talk about. Your bravery is so inspirational to me, and I am so very, very glad to see that you’re pregnant again. Best of luck with your pregnancy and your beautiful family.

  • Rachel

    This is so beautifully written. Absolutely, hauntingly beautiful.

    Thank you so much, Meghan, for telling your story. There is such feminine power in the telling of these terrible stories. The kind of power that brings us together and makes us stronger. As a child, I thought – as maybe all children should be allowed to? or not? – that miscarriage was a rare tragedy. As I have grown into a woman and started having these quiet conversations with friends, mothers, and women of all ages, I am realizing how very common miscarriage is. I only know 2 or 3 women who are mothers who have never experienced this special grief. So, thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that stories like these – so honestly and vulnerably told – will lead us to a place where miscarriage is not something hidden and shameful or something that has the power to make us feel like less of a woman.

    Finally, congratulations on your pregnancy! What a wonderful joy to be come out of this grief. Best wishes!

  • http://www.alittleginger.com Maddie

    Meghan, thanks so much for putting words to something that so many families experience but can be reticent to talk about. I think there’s so much value in sharing this kind of stuff, because you’ll find that there’s an entire community that emerges to support you, but it’s got to be scary and heart-wrenching to actually type what you did.

    I’m glad that you had the courage to write this, that you and your husband can provide support for each other, and that you have some happy baby news that is cause for new hope and joy.

  • ms k

    Thank you for sharing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • http://metamorprose.wordpress.com Stephanova

    Reading this, in the midst of discussions with my husband of whether and when to maybe start trying to see if we can have a baby, is so powerful. I feel better equipped having read about your pain and your strength and your bravery– especially because the relatively common event of miscarriage is rarely talked about.

    I’m also swept away with awe of this APW community as I sit in a coffee shop and others sit on the bus and in cubicles and in offices and at sunny tables across the world and feel sadness and compassion and hope for you! What a beautiful thing to be a part of!

    • Laura

      Exactly. My husband and I have recently started trying for a baby, and I am just beginning to see the ways in which the journey of pregnancy can test one’s emotions, patience, and the way we approach our expectations. Like you, I feel better equipped knowing that others have faced the difficult and painful times and ultimately found a new strength for having overcome them.

      Meghan, thank you, thank you for sharing your story, and congratulations!

  • http://sweetoothed.com Meghan J

    Meghan, thank you for sharing. We are not even married yet and lost a pregnancy at about 10 weeks. Most people couldn’t understand that we knew we had lost the baby and would rather wait for it to pass naturally than to have it “removed medically”. Knowing that the life growing inside you was gone and yet still carrying it with you was the hardest part. Thank you for being so brave to share your story and brave to try again.

    Congratulations!

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      So so sorry. And you are right, the decisions that we make are so so personal and people make so many offhand comments without thinking.

  • elemjay

    Dark times can sometimes get bright very quickly.

    I had a “chemical” pregnancy in Sept 2009 which ended shortly afterwards in a miscarriage (about 5 weeks, so very early on). However, I got pregnant again in October and our daughter was born in July 2010 – she is now 8 1/2 months old and very lovely!

    My medical practitioner told me that once you have been pregnant it can be easier to get pregnant again, so don’t give up…. NB I was 35 at the time with a history of endometriosis and we had been trying for 18 months – not ideal circumstances, but it didn’t stop me carrying a wonderful baby to term!

  • http://laurenmcglynnphotography.blogspot.com/ Lauren Mc

    Sorry this is too close to home for me not to comment.

    Me too sort of.

    i say sort of because at first they told us that it was a miscarriage because they did an ultra sound and they couldn’t see anything (& there was blood & cramping), then they called us later that night and told us that it was possibly ectopic and could I please come in in 48 hours and get my blood tested again… but I couldn’t because I had a wedding…. so then I did the wedding slightly worried the whole time that my fallopian tube was about to explode, went back in to the hospital after the weekend, & was called back later that night to be told that it was probably ectopic and could I please drop everything and come to the hospital right now?

    But no they saw a sac in the right place, where they had seen nothing five days before, and anther scan two days later revealed that the sac had grown… though both times they couldn’t see anything in the sac. I should say that this whole time they have been shaking their heads and saying lots of negative things about my hormones and what they would expect to see, and what they’re not seeing. So they told us to wait another two weeks, and we go in this Thursday to find out if I might possibly be having a baby after all…. or a miscarriage which seems much more likely.

    that is the pretty much the only thing i’ve been able to think about for the last three weeks. funny this post should come out today. When I leave the house all i see are pregnant ladies and babys, i swear they have invaded my town. Oh and the internet, everyone is dropping babies like there’s no tomorrow, and I feel like: lucky bastards, don’t I deserve one too?

    three more days, and then at least i’ll know.

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      Holding you in my heart.

  • Emily

    For too many people miscarriages are private tragedies. Good for Megan for being brave enough to share it, and in the process, maybe easing some of the pain for others. It’s true what she says — other people’s stories can save us.

  • Melissa

    Thank you for sharing. I miscarried my first pregnancy too and this post hit me square in the heart. We got pregnant again a few months later and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy pregnancy. Once I passed the point where I had miscarried the first time, I felt like I took my first breath.

    I wish I could say it has been smooth sailing (we have had some abnormal blood work and are opting for CVS tomorrow which carries its own increased risk of miscarriage), but I still try every day to be grateful and brave for this little being and to treasure this pregnancy.

    It was only after my miscarriage, because I did talk about it, that I found out how common it really is. There is a sisterhood of us, not one women are clamoring to join, but a sisterhood nonetheless of women who have felt loss and pain and also found bravery and hope.

    Good luck to you in your journey! I wish you health and happiness.

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      Oh dear. I wish you health and happiness as well.

  • Susi-Q

    I’ve been reading APW for over a year. Never cried. Never. Right now, my cat is looking at me funny as I sob. Meghan, thank you for the gift this post gave me. My mother miscarried my oldest brother after an accident. Since she told me, I have grieved for the brother I should have had (because these things shouldn’t happen, ya know?). Yet, I have never had such a clear glimpse of her pain and her strength until now. I ache for what you and my mom both have felt and continue to feel. Yet, I am inspired by you both, women so strong that even loss can’t keep you from loving your kids, the ones who are and the ones who should have been. Blessings, and thanks.

  • http://ridiculouslyeverafter.blogspot.com nikki

    Oh Meaghan. This post is so raw and beautiful and amazing and you have been SO STRONG this entire time. I’m so elated this story has a happy ending – but with Eric, I think it’s happy ever after for you regardless. Here’s to BABY!

  • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

    I told my husband just yesterday “that’s why I married you” because he yet again let me be crazy and then calmed me down from it. We’ve been doing infertility testing since the start of the year and I’ve averaged a doctor appointment a week in which something (sonogram wand, speculum, or needle) is poked into me. He is my calm and my rock.

    We started this baby making process very innocently, joyfully believing that it would happen quickly and easily. And it isn’t. Yet every month he’s there holding me and asking me how I feel. Not telling me he knows what I’m feeling, actually admitting he doesn’t because he knows he doesn’t walk around all day wondering if there is a baby inside him like I do. But letting me feel what I need to feel.

    And then there’s other hard stuff, like the ginormous tuition increases I’m facing right now and the mountain of paper work I need to work through to just get my dissertation project approved. And he’s there for all of it. It’s incredible, it truly is.

    Thank you so much for writing your story. It’s people like you that are making me braver about sharing my own.

  • http://loveyourway.net lizzie

    this is such a beautiful, bare story. i read it on your blog, i know, but this is especially raw and touching, meghan. my mom had 3 miscarriages when i was younger and i remember, almost like a silent movie, every time the baby clothes accumulated from three pregnancies all getting boxed back up and condemned down to the basement. i remember how scary and sad it was as a child…but i forgot to think about what it might have been like for her, a woman who just wanted another child.

    you two are lovely together…not in the “you’re adorable!” kind of way, but in a – you are exactly what each other needs – kind of way and i’m so happy that you had each other through that time. thanks for sharing.

  • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

    Oh dear. Your husband sounds like a gem, and you so so brave. And yes, sometimes the hard times remind us why partnership and community are so vital.

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      Ahhhh, this was for Giggles.

  • http://peachyringsaredead.blogspot.com Ceej

    Meghan, thank you so much for this heartbreaking, beautifully written post. I don’t make my story available on the intertubes, so I’m sorry I can’t be part of the story network of saving, but I am sending a million warm, healthy wishes your way. Thank you for being brave.

  • Marchelle

    This was… hard to read, today. But ever so brave of you to share.

    And, yes. I’m not sure I’d have made it through without the Boy. I’ve really found out what our marriage is made of, and it’s good strong stuff.

    • http://happysighs.blogspot.com liz

      you’re in my thoughts, you know.

      xo

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      In mine as well.

  • ddayporter

    I cried the first time I read about this on your blog, and now I’m totally blubbering over it now, even though I knew the good news already! you guys are an inspiration. thanks for sharing this here, looking forward to following the rest of your story on your blog.

  • http://webecomeus.wordpress.com Caitlin

    Meghan, this is beautifully heartbreaking, and inspiring.

    xoxo.

  • http://www.delightningstrikes.blogspot.com Sarah

    I had to go away and come back later to finish reading this, because I was so emotional. You are inspiring in your grace, strength and especially bravery. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • http://happysighs.blogspot.com liz

    oh, meghan. i cried through the whole thing.

    i grieved for you then, and i rejoice with you now. i’m so grateful you have your eric. your little one will be so blessed.

    fuck the fear.

  • Shotgun Shirley

    This is the first time APW has actually made me shed tears, though there have been some close calls before.

    At the beginning of my unplanned pregnancy, the MD scared the bejezus out of me with stats on my increased risk of miscarriage and early term delivery. I can’t say I know your pain, only the intense fear of it. DH had to talk me down numerous times. Now, at 31 weeks, we feel a lot more safe.

    Congrats on your little one. Love that little baby bump. Thank you for having the strength to share your story.

    • http://lilapuppy.blogspot.com Meghan

      There are so many things that become scary when you are pregnant and housing a living being. I take comfort in statistics that most likely everything will be ok. And congrats on 31 weeks! So close!

  • http://disneyprincessc.blogspot.com Princess Christy

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for being brave enough to share your story. Too often, people don’t. I’m glad you put it out here to remind us that even through the hard times, our relationships are what get us through. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

  • msditz

    I realize that there is never really a traditional “happy ending” to a story about loss, but because I am someone that always looks for the silver lining, I found myself smiling through my tears as I read your last words:
    “We are still going through this particular journey, but I know now, more than ever, that I picked the right person be on it with me.”
    Sometimes, we have to use the bad times to reaffirm the love we have for our partners and our family.
    Thanks for sharing :-)

  • Bernadette

    I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story. I really like how you touch on the awkwardness of trying to keep busy/distracted while “losing your baby”. I think this captures in a real raw way those moments in life that: One never thinks about until they have experienced it first hand, I mean lets be honest they don’t write a handbook for moments like this. Having said that, I think you have a very unique voice and just hearing your story I assure you brings knowledge and peace. Lastly, the most profound thing to me is that you know 100% percent that you chose the right person which to me is your happy ending, and with that congratulations on the fantastic news, what a blessing. Again thank you for giving us a glimpse into such a personal moment, I admire your strength and bravery.

  • peanut

    I’ve been reading APW for a year and a half and this is the first post that made me cry. When I saw the editor’s note at the end I was so happy: “laughter through tears is my favorite emotion”. Your writing is beautifully raw and personal. Wish you all the best.

  • http://www.linseykitchens.com Linsey

    Bravery. Yes. And beautiful writing.

  • http://www.katiejanephoto.com Katie Jane

    A lot of APW posts have touched me and made me cry, but none like this. Happy and sad tears. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Meghan.

  • http://www.haleyandjoey.com Haley

    Wow, not yet married to my man, but this story is so moving because I know he would be there for me in the same way, and it’s comforting to know couples *do* make it through tough times, if they are truly FOR each other and fight each others’ battles.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and congratulations on the little one!!

  • http://www.jimetnicole.blogspot.com nicole b.

    Meghan – I am balling over here! Tears of sadness mixed with tears of joy. I am so proud of you, and I feel so honored to know you through your blog and follow you on your journey. You are soooo very brave. I’m bookmarking this post and will share your wise words with friends of mine who have been through similar ordeals. Big hugs and CONGRATS again to you and Eric! xoxo.

  • http://www.budgetbrideschicago.com Crystal

    This is a beautiful story. Rough, but beautiful. My sister went through an almost identical scenario. She now has a beautiful, happy, healthy 1-month old baby girl named Nadia and a boyfriend that stuck with her through it all turning into a husband in a few short weeks. This is when we need people the most, and I’m so glad Meghan had that someone. Keep your promise, Meghan, things will turn out better than you ever imagined!

  • KT

    Thanks for sharing your story. Sadly, we also miscarried early in our marriage. Though there was and is pain, we emerged stronger. I’m so happy you have a new Earth child!

  • BarefootBride

    Blessings on all of you. Thanks for sharing.

  • devlyn

    Thank you so very much for writing this and allowing it to be published here, Meghan. Miscarriages occur more frequently than I think people realize – I had mine at just about 12 weeks as well, and it was totally unexpected. It ultimately led to my divorce (my ex-husband wanted to pretend it never happened), and is still so very emotionally painful today. I’m getting married again this fall, and though my miscarriage happened 5 years ago, the thought of it is always on my mind, especially as I plan a family with my partner now.
    When my best friend had a miscarriage just over a year ago, I wished I could have been closer to her to just provide the hugs and talk time (she lives in the midwest, whereas I’m on the west coast). Luckily, she’s due with her first child in just over a month, and I’m so flipping excited. I wish there were more of a support community out there for women who have had miscarriages, and the understanding that it doesn’t necessarily mean one won’t be able to conceive at all…

  • http://www.organicmamacafe.blogspot.com Monna

    Meghan,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Your story was particularly meaningful for me because I just had a miscarriage myself in February of this year. I started spotting on Sunday and then lost the baby Tuesday. Your comment about other people’s stories being so encouraging was true for me too. I wrote about my experience and recovery one month later – hoping to encourage other moms going through the same thing. It’s here. http://organicmamacafe.blogspot.com/2011/03/recovering-from-miscarriage-hemorrhage.html
    Thank you again for sharing your story. I’m so happy to hear that you are being brave. I think that’s been the hardest part about this – wondering if I’ll have the courage to try again after that.
    Blessings to you and your family!
    OM