And now, part two of the story, this time told from Meighan's perspective (she's the stunning red head of the duo).

Mostly when I think about the wedding, it's with a sense of jaw-dropping gratitude. Complete strangers, friends and family all rallied to help make our wedding possible. Yes, a lot of things went "wrong," and there's still a teeny part of me that's bummed that my wedding didn't look how I wanted it to. But that part is a tiny unpopped kernel of sad in the marvelously abundant vat of happy kettlecorn that was our wedding. (In other news, clearly I need to hit up a state fair, if my cravings are making my metaphors this bad.) So yes, the wedding didn't look how I wanted, but it felt how I wanted. I can remember the exact moment I let go of things being perfect, and while it was sadly about a quarter of the way through the reception, it felt amazing. I walked away from having, er, strong words with the caterer, grabbed a glass of champagne, slung an arm around my new wife's waist, and let myself enjoy the love of everybody there. And it was gorgeous.

I was talking to my soon-to-be-married BFF yesterday, and she's having trouble letting other people contribute to or do things for her wedding. I told her, "If I can share nothing else about this whole experience: Let people be nice to you." One, because you need it, and two, because people will be insanely amazing if you let them. It was kind of a revelation to me how very much people wanted to help us. Christina's aunt (who used to do window displays for a department store) helped us make some gorgeous centerpieces and fixed my bouquet when I was about to throw it against the wall in frustration. My college little sis came up early from South Carolina and acted as "Decoratrix," making sure the decorations were put out and making them look better than I ever could have. Everyone wanted to help, even awesome bloggers who I asked for advice. (True story, we found our first photographer on APW, but after our engagement shoot, she became really flaky and eventually stopped returning communication altogether. So, we were less than four months from the wedding, with no photographer and less our deposit, since we couldn't even find her to ask for it back. When I emailed to Ask Alyssa for advice, Meg stepped in and used her magical interweb powers to contact some incredible photographers on our behalf. When we got an email from Kelly Prizel saying she was available, no lie, I made a noise so full of squee that only dogs could hear it. And our photos turned out better than I could ever have hoped for, just because nice people want to do nice things.) I still have some what-is-this-I-don't-even-know moments when I think about how beautiful people were to us, and then I get kind of overwhelmed and verklempt by gratitude and I have to go lie down or something. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Meighan & Christina, Part II

Today's wedding graduate post is from two long time APW readers, and it comes in two parts. The first part is from Christina (the brunette in the lace dress). It deals with profound issues like: figuring out you want to get married in the first place; realizing you're worthy of all of it; pretty dresses; a party; receiving the love of your community. It's a must-read for all of us, wedding planning or not, as we struggle through owning our fabulous selves. Add to that, the wedding was shot by APW sponsor Kelly Prizel Photography (more on that in Meighan's Part II) and is shockingly lovely. And now, Christina:

I struggled for a long, long time with the idea of getting married. Actually, that’s not true. I always figured I would get married eventually; I just never thought it would be to a woman. And then I fell in love with one.

And without realizing it, she set about wrecking all of the preconceived notions and bullshit I had built up about myself. We moved in to a fourth floor walk-up in the city and six months later, we had lived to tell the tale, so we talked about weddings. I didn’t see the need. My family thought of us as married, gay marriage wasn’t government sanctioned, and weddings are expensive. My work considered us domestic partners, we had joint checking and a lease, and we were partners, set, done. We would continue on as we were until federal law recognized all marriages, then we’d have a fabulous wedding. We already had two anniversaries (long story), why add a third? What’s the point?

The point was that it made a difference to her. Unbeknownst to me, she had been looking at rings and was testing the waters about popping the question. That talk was long and awkward and emotional and we left it with our relationship in good standing, but I needed to think about us and our relationship and if (not when) I was ready, to propose.

So, I thought about it for a good six months. And then we went ring shopping. And then I proposed, and then we started talking about weddings. And I got uncomfortable very quickly. It took me a long time to figure out why I had this resistance to having a big party with all of the trimmings of a wedding, but when I did, it was kind of life changing. When it boiled down to it, I couldn’t help but feel that because our partnership was different because we were two chicks, somehow we were not as good or deserving as all the straight couples. That because we didn’t have the blessings of the federal government to file joint taxes, because there was this big debate, because people felt the need to label gay marriage as shameful and wrong, we were somehow “less than” everybody else. When I realized that my negative voices were an internalization of homophobia as spewed by the RNC and Fox News, I put my should-monster to rest. Mostly.

Shopping for my wedding dress was another life-changing experience. I know that sounds ludicrous, but it’s true. I’ve been at war with myself about my body since I was 13. That’s 17 years of self-destruction, including times where I yelled at myself for not loving myself more. When dress shopping came around, I didn’t want to think about how I wanted to look because in the end, I knew I’d look fat. So who cares? Buy the polyester satin off the shoulder dress with side ruching. Whatever. Done.

But I kept looking at this one picture I found of a lace mermaid dress and wanting it. Even after an unfortunate trip to New York to be filmed for Say Yes to the Dress with the fiancée, bridesmaids and both sets of parents.* I put down a deposit on a dress that looked fine, showed the pictures to friends and was kind of excited. But I still found myself stroking the picture of that other dress, talking about it with Meigh and wishing I wasn’t such a giant heifer and could wear it.

I kept telling myself that because I was so fat, ugly, unfortunate, etc… the dress I wanted wouldn’t look good on me. And then I tried it on. And I liked it. And I realized that I didn’t have to be 80 pounds lighter, 3 inches taller, smarter, more articulate, etc… to have what I wanted. I could just be me. I felt something uncurl inside me when I let myself have it. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Christina & Meighan, Part I