Today's wedding graduate post is from two long time APW readers, and it comes in two parts. The first part is from Christina (the brunette in the lace dress). It deals with profound issues like: figuring out you want to get married in the first place; realizing you're worthy of all of it; pretty dresses; a party; receiving the love of your community. It's a must-read for all of us, wedding planning or not, as we struggle through owning our fabulous selves. Add to that, the wedding was shot by APW sponsor Kelly Prizel Photography (more on that in Meighan's Part II) and is shockingly lovely. And now, Christina:
I struggled for a long, long time with the idea of getting married. Actually, that’s not true. I always figured I would get married eventually; I just never thought it would be to a woman. And then I fell in love with one.
And without realizing it, she set about wrecking all of the preconceived notions and bullshit I had built up about myself. We moved in to a fourth floor walk-up in the city and six months later, we had lived to tell the tale, so we talked about weddings. I didn’t see the need. My family thought of us as married, gay marriage wasn’t government sanctioned, and weddings are expensive. My work considered us domestic partners, we had joint checking and a lease, and we were partners, set, done. We would continue on as we were until federal law recognized all marriages, then we’d have a fabulous wedding. We already had two anniversaries (long story), why add a third? What’s the point?
The point was that it made a difference to her. Unbeknownst to me, she had been looking at rings and was testing the waters about popping the question. That talk was long and awkward and emotional and we left it with our relationship in good standing, but I needed to think about us and our relationship and if (not when) I was ready, to propose.
So, I thought about it for a good six months. And then we went ring shopping. And then I proposed, and then we started talking about weddings. And I got uncomfortable very quickly. It took me a long time to figure out why I had this resistance to having a big party with all of the trimmings of a wedding, but when I did, it was kind of life changing. When it boiled down to it, I couldn’t help but feel that because our partnership was different because we were two chicks, somehow we were not as good or deserving as all the straight couples. That because we didn’t have the blessings of the federal government to file joint taxes, because there was this big debate, because people felt the need to label gay marriage as shameful and wrong, we were somehow “less than” everybody else. When I realized that my negative voices were an internalization of homophobia as spewed by the RNC and Fox News, I put my should-monster to rest. Mostly.
Shopping for my wedding dress was another life-changing experience. I know that sounds ludicrous, but it’s true. I’ve been at war with myself about my body since I was 13. That’s 17 years of self-destruction, including times where I yelled at myself for not loving myself more. When dress shopping came around, I didn’t want to think about how I wanted to look because in the end, I knew I’d look fat. So who cares? Buy the polyester satin off the shoulder dress with side ruching. Whatever. Done.
But I kept looking at this one picture I found of a lace mermaid dress and wanting it. Even after an unfortunate trip to New York to be filmed for Say Yes to the Dress with the fiancée, bridesmaids and both sets of parents.* I put down a deposit on a dress that looked fine, showed the pictures to friends and was kind of excited. But I still found myself stroking the picture of that other dress, talking about it with Meigh and wishing I wasn’t such a giant heifer and could wear it.
I kept telling myself that because I was so fat, ugly, unfortunate, etc… the dress I wanted wouldn’t look good on me. And then I tried it on. And I liked it. And I realized that I didn’t have to be 80 pounds lighter, 3 inches taller, smarter, more articulate, etc… to have what I wanted. I could just be me. I felt something uncurl inside me when I let myself have it. It was freeing. It was not the magical cure all for body image issues, but it helped me change the way I viewed myself. For once, I didn’t let my dress size exist as a punishment. It was just my dress size. Even with the $250 plus size charge.
Meigh’s dad has a great quote: It’s not an ordeal, it’s an adventure. And this wedding sure was a hell of an adventure. I work in theatre fundraising, so I’m used to running around behind the scenes Getting Shit Done. When you DIT a lot of your own wedding, that’s not possible. I had a moment in the planning where I realized that no, I wouldn’t be able to turn around the speakers in between the ceremony and the cocktail hour because I’d be a) in a wedding gown and b) taking couples portraits. Having to let go of that aspect and assign tasks to friends and family was hard. I tend to take things on myself rather than impose on others, but it’s amazing to realize that you can’t because it’s YOUR MOTHERF*CKING WEDDING and that your friends and family are more than willing to roll up their sleeves and join in.
It’d be really easy to look back on the actual wedding day and just see the things that went wrong. Our catering manager no showed due to an issue at an earlier wedding and sent a pastry chef to manage our day instead. As a result, we ran way behind and half of the crafts Meigh had meticulously worked on for months were left out. The seating arrangements dissolved into chaos. The divine Kelly Prizel made info cards for the guests, and I had a great place to distribute them—which I neglected to mention to her or the friends we had decorating. My father-in-law decided to hand out cigars just as we were about to start toasts, putting us even further behind.
And then there was the weather. If you asked younger me what I thought my wedding would look like, I wouldn’t have any idea except outside under a tree. And the fabulous venue we found had a gorgeous garden and a beautiful tree that would be just perfect. Except for the part when it spent all Friday and Saturday afternoon misting rain. I was so, so upset. And then, as Meigh so perfectly put it, “Screw it. If it rains, it rains. We’ll do couples shots in rainboots and it’ll be adorable.” We got married in the tent. And it was OK. It was still OK when the skies opened up at 9pm, and when the thunder and lightning started at 10, though packing out a wedding in a thunderstorm leads to some seriously damp goods the next day.
My mantra for the wedding day was simply "Enjoy this," and I have to use it when looking back. Yes, all of those things happened. Yes, it was upsetting. Yes, I wish a lot of things had happened differently, that I had hemmed my dress higher, that the signage for the photobooth was better, that I’d picked better shoes. I made a conscious choice to roll with whatever happened. This was my wedding and I had more important ways to spend my emotional energy than being upset that something I was promised wasn’t delivered. Getting caught up in the things that go awry means that you miss the fabulous things. Like my parents dancing to "Sexy Back" or being gifted a gorgeous quilt made by Meigh’s maternal family or my introverted brother busting several moves on the dance floor or watching our guests interact.
Because a wedding isn’t about the things or the food, it’s about the people. There’s something truly inspiring in looking at a tent full of people and realizing just how many people have come together to celebrate your relationship. And that your relationship is worth celebrating! People from every aspect of your life and your fiancee’s life have made a sacrifice of some kind to be there to see it.
But there are those who aren’t there. I spent our RSVP process slowly realizing that all of the people who gushed over how excited they were for our wedding and how much they were looking forward to it were not, in fact, coming. Some reasons were been perfectly valid (couldn't get time off of work, family emergencies) and some... could have been phrased more sensitively. We've got friends and family scattered all over the country, and I understood that not everyone can make the commute or put up for a hotel room, but as more and more of the "no's" came in, it got harder and harder not to take it personally. And, you know, I know the whys. But still. It hurt. And it’s hard not to read your own reasons into why someone’s not going to be there. But in the end, I had to realize that, as APW so perfectly puts it, your friends and family don’t stop being themselves for your wedding. If anything, it highlights their best and worst qualities. And that’s why you love them. They are, for better or worse, themselves.
And you, for better, worse and weddings in a thunderstorm, are you. And that’s why they love you.
Pictures by Kelly Prizel Photography, APW Sponsor
* The less said about the SYttD filming, the better. They never aired our footage, which was the best present TLC could give me. Ladies, reality TV shouldn’t be a part of your wedding.
Where to start… Congratulations to both of you!
I am glad you went for the lace dress, you look beautiful, and so happy, you shine.
And then this: “Because a wedding isn’t about the things or the food, it’s about the people”. Yup… that’s how it feels.
July 28, 2011 4:43 am
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the first thing i thought when i saw the pictures? the lace dress is incredible. it looks like it was made just for you.
July 28, 2011 10:26 am
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My first though when I opened this post was, “I love how it is so damn normal to open up a wedding website and see a gay marriage.” It should be just this way, always, with everything. I love that on APW, that is normal. And maybe it shall redefine everywhere else!
My second thought was: “That lace dress–KILLER.” And when you wrote about it, Christina, it made me want to weep. You wearing that dress made MY day, all these days after your wedding, all these miles away. Long distance high-five for bravery. And sexy!
And now I’m going to read about putting the “should monsters to rest.” Because I believe I have some of those that are very, very tired.
July 28, 2011 2:44 pm
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OH! Of course it has to do with the Shame Blasters…pew! Pew! pew! (Still makes me giggle.)
July 28, 2011 2:47 pm
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Where is the lace dress from it is GORGEOUS. And you look gorgeous in it. And I completely echo the words on RSVPs. You know why, but you can’t help your reaction. Lovely xx
July 28, 2011 4:56 am
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Esme, it is Jim Hjelm 8663. I LOVE IT. I want to wear it to the grocery store.
July 28, 2011 6:15 am
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Ha! Awesome!
I love my dress too… I want to wear it to the grocery store. I just dropped it off at the dry cleaners 2 hours ago, and I stroked it and thought about where I might be able to wear it again. I think I’ll put it on from time to time just to remember….
I also had a little short dress I changed into, which I also LOVED. I’m going to dye that one navy blue and TOTALLY WEAR IT AGAIN.
Both of you look incredibly beautiful and happy. Congratulations!
July 28, 2011 6:25 am
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That dress is everything I have been looking for. You look just stunning.
July 28, 2011 6:58 am
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Girl’s got sweet curves, no?
July 28, 2011 8:46 am
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Oh man! As soon as I saw this post I immediately scoured the internet looking for that dress (not knowing the designer) and found the Jim Hjelm 8663. LOVE IT but so out of my budget… wondering if I should take a gamble on a China-direct factory where I could get a knockoff for $200…
July 28, 2011 7:45 am
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There’s always preownedweddingdresses and oncewed!
Also, I feel you on the budget. That was the most money I’ve spent on anything in my entire life. I still have some residual guilt about it, but it was totally worth it.
July 28, 2011 8:07 am
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I’m shame-blasting your guilt. The journey you went to in order to realize you were WORTH this wedding and WORTH this dress will impact you the rest of your life.
I’m also not a fan of big bucks for wedding dresses, but I don’t believe in absolutes. I think in your case it’s not the dress (which was lovely!) it’s the symbol and the journey to your dress. That adventure was priceless and worth more than most anything else you could have done with that money.
Pew!
July 28, 2011 8:19 am
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I got my dress from China! Helene Bridal…mine was awesome. I only had good things to say about them!
July 29, 2011 5:16 pm
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You should wear it again. It is just absolutely breathtaking! I also love the shot of you two coming back down the aisle with the bows on your dresses mirroring each other- was that on purpose? It looks amazing.
Also- zomg tandem bouquet toss!
I kind of wish I was at your wedding- it looks like so much fun, and you both look so amazed and happy.
July 28, 2011 8:39 am
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The bows were very much unintentional (Meigh had been thinking about taking hers off at one point) but we loved it. The hardest part about finding two dresses is that they don’t have to match but they have to go.
July 28, 2011 9:00 am
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This amazing wedding grad post AND you just quoted Stacy and Clinton? You are my new best friend, Ms. McPants! :D
July 28, 2011 1:02 pm
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“I kind of wish I was at your wedding- it looks like so much fun, and you both look so amazed and happy.”
This is like the best possible compliment, thank you.
July 28, 2011 5:18 pm
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I used to wear my wedding dress every year on my anniversary. And whenever I needed a pick me up. And once to walk the dogs. Because. I. Could.
Wedding dresses are clothes too. They need love just like the rest of your closet.
July 28, 2011 12:46 pm
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Oh, my God, I would LOVE to see you walking down the street in your wedding dress, stopping to pick up your dog’s poop. Hilarious! Please tell me you wore your veil, too.
July 28, 2011 1:55 pm
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Amen sista, to everything, everything, everything. This is a beautiful post.
July 28, 2011 5:03 am
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SO BEAUTIFUL. Thank you.
July 28, 2011 5:11 am
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I *LOVE* the animated expressions in all your photos. It really cracks me up for some reason.
July 28, 2011 5:11 am
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What a beautiful wedding, you both look lovely. So sorry you had to deal with hurtful reactions – roll on the day when we have a level playing field and all our relationships have the same value and standing in the eyes of society.
July 28, 2011 5:26 am
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“I couldn’t help but feel that because our partnership was different because we were two chicks, somehow we were not as good or deserving as all the straight couples.”
Ugh. This was a huge, huge part of the first three years of our relationship. I even said no to three proposals (though I never mentioned that reason out loud until I eventually realised it was ridiculous and said yes).
Absolutely gorgeous, also. I love everything.
July 28, 2011 5:37 am
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Thank you for this post! So much of it rings true for me. I’m dreading shopping for a dress for the same reasons, and I’m struggling in the aftermath of learning that my aunt is refusing to attend because of her beliefs. It is so encouraging to see how happy you and your wife are, and that you came out the other side. Congratulations!!
July 28, 2011 5:51 am
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Meigh here, and Diana, I totally feel you. I had family members that chose not to attend the wedding, and have since decided they don’t want to see me/us. But I have to tell you it made time with the family members that did come so much more special. You won’t be worried about who’s not there, just all the love of the people who are.
July 28, 2011 7:33 am
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Beautiful. Your venue looked beautiful, was it a historic property? Ugh rain, we had rain too, washed out our outside pictures with us together and us with the wedding party. We do have some individual outside shots. I didn’t have rain boots, wished I did. Good idea to have them and a decent umbrella on hand. Although you can’t plan for every contingency, I’m still working on that. I tend to plan too much and worry and forget to enjoy myself or to just run with it.
Both of your flowers, are amazing.
July 28, 2011 5:54 am
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We got married at Woodlawn Manor in Sandy Spring, MD. It’s an historic property run by Montgomery County. It was super affordable, comes with a caterer kitchen and a tent and everyone there was really, really nice. Highly recommend them.
It’s also right next to where the Maryland Park Police keep their horses, so we definitely got wedding portraits with PONIES!
July 28, 2011 7:22 am
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And I forgot to mention, flowers were done by us, mainly Meigh and my aunt, the Friday before and they turned out AMAZING.
July 28, 2011 8:06 am
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Flowers look amazing and definite yay for pony pics!
July 28, 2011 8:30 am
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Wow. Talent.
July 28, 2011 9:10 am
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Thank you for this! It’s really heartening to know others are thinking those same self-defeating thoughts. I keep getting stuck on the “why should we do this, it’s not even legal, people are going to ask me why we’re bothering to get married” thought-circle. It’s ridiculous, because that question would never bother me if I were in the exact same circumstance with the opposite sex.
Did your family ever voice those same concerns? If so, how did you deal with it? I feel like we have to have this arsenal of Really Good Reasons to get married to answer all those people saying, “but why?”
Beautiful photos – you make that dress look gorgeous. :)
July 28, 2011 5:54 am
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Kai, I didn’t really have those issues with my family. Immediately upon moving in with Meigh, I had family ask me how married life was treating me. When I told my mother that I was going to propose to Meigh, she was surprised, because to her, for all intents and purposes we were married. Which is so funny, because that was basically my reaction and Meigh’s reaction of “no, we’re not married until we have a ceremony” was the exact same as her mom’s.
I don’t presume to know how your family works, but on the occasions I’ve had to deal with the occasionally insensitive passerby who’s asked “but why,” I’ve just responded “because we love each other.”
July 28, 2011 6:20 am
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I might answer – “well why did YOU get married?” Cause like, MAYBE they’d say “for the social security benefits,” but….more likely they know it was about much more than that. :)
July 28, 2011 3:46 pm
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And since we can’t even get most of the gov’t benefits, doesn’t that mean we’re that much *more* serious? :)
July 28, 2011 5:21 pm
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Jen and I had the same fears. It took a long time to get over it. And really – who has a wedding for the government benefits? Yes, people get married just for the benefits, but that’s not really what *weddings* are about. I was ready to point that out to anyone who asked… but then no one actually cared. They were just happy for us. Sometimes people surprise you.
July 29, 2011 11:32 am
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Gimme some of that amazing-looking cake!!
Also Christina, I hope you are okay with the fact that I’m taking your wife’s picture to my hairstylist and saying “This – this is the color that you need to give me.”
Congrats!
July 28, 2011 5:55 am
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Congratulations on your beautiful wedding – you both look stunning and so happy, the top two photos are perfect.
July 28, 2011 5:56 am
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I cannot get enough of your expression in that second photo!! And this: “I felt something uncurl inside me when I let myself have it.” was beautiful. Thank you for this post!
July 28, 2011 6:29 am
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I loved the facial expressions in ALL of the photos. Props to Kelly Prizel – so much emotion and detail.
July 28, 2011 7:54 am
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Seriously, I do not have enough kind words about Kelly Prizel.
July 28, 2011 8:13 am
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Me either, she is beyond amazing. Although it was kind of startling to see my trying-not-to-cry-and-failing face as the first picture. :)
July 28, 2011 9:12 am
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Oh, Meigh, though, the one of you walking down the aisle…absolutely perfect.
July 28, 2011 2:48 pm
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First of all: congratulations!
Second of all, if you hadn’t mentioned that some things went wrong I would have never guessed, everything looks so beautiful…and I loved the tent with the bounty flags! Really pretty. You looked gorgeous in your lace dress, and you all look happy (which I think is what matters in the end).
July 28, 2011 6:37 am
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LOVE the flags!
July 28, 2011 8:21 am
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Meigh made all the bunting herself; isn’t it amazing? I’m gonna go ahead and say she’s pretty effing fabulous. Also, she could probably make some for other people’s weddings. (I haven’t asked her this, but I’m going to pimp her out anyway because I firmly believe in her crazy crafting ability.)
July 28, 2011 6:42 pm
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Yay, Christina and Meigh! I am so happy for you guys and your wedding looks LOVELY.
July 28, 2011 6:38 am
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Thank you for getting the mermaid dress. You look beautiful. Here’s to the day when we curvy girls do not have anything to uncurl…because we’ve never been told we aren’t beautiful.
Thank you for this. I needed it this morning.
July 28, 2011 6:58 am
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“I realized that I didn’t have to be 80 pounds lighter, 3 inches taller, smarter, more articulate, etc… to have what I wanted.”
OH YES! I wish I knew this on my wedding day. I kept thinking, “this would all be different if I was just a little thinner.” Which is ridiculous, because I was absolutely gorgeous.
July 28, 2011 7:11 am
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You are my wedding guru! I seriously want to staple your sage wisdom to my forhead as a reminder. Thank You!! I constantly let self defeating thoughts weasle their way into my brain.
July 28, 2011 7:16 am
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Congratulations on such a great post! I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing your wedding plans develop at our DC meet-ups and am so happy to see you both looking so overjoyed and in love.
First off, your dress is AMAZING! And you look absolutely phenomenal in it. I am terribly jealous because that is exactly the dress I wanted and it looked completely terrible on me. You absolutely rock it.
Second, what in the world is with the way they hem dresses??!?!? My first piece of wedding advice is now “Get your dress hemmed an inch shorter than they tell you to.”
Finally, on a more serious note – I feel you on the RSVP thing. My husband and I knew we wanted to have a relatively small wedding, but that just makes the “no” responses hurt more. Especially when a “yes” turns to a “no” unexpectedly, at the last minute, and will shady explanations. I agree with what Meg says and what you have so eloquently quoted, but it still hurts (even almost a year later, I am sad to admit). It hurts very deeply.
July 28, 2011 7:18 am
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Beautifully written. One of my favorite wedding posts of all.
July 28, 2011 7:30 am
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Aaaaaaah so gorgeous! That dress looks 100% PERFECT on you, for reals. Talk about a relationship worth celebrating – you two should have a permanent sky-writer!
I appreciate how well you narrate your (ongoing) journeys with body-acceptance, guest list disappointments and letting go of what “went wrong” on the wedding day. As another newlywed, I’m totes with you on all counts . . . and I’m so happy that you’re on your way!
July 28, 2011 7:36 am
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First off, what a beautiful wedding. Congrats to you both.
Second, this post really got me crying, the part about the mermaid dress and not having to be 3 inches taller or several pounds lighter. I’ve been having a minor meltdown over trying to lose weight for my upcoming wedding…and seeing how beautiful you both look in your gowns (I am of a similar build) makes me realize that I can be just as beautiful at my current size as I would be thinner, and that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t tell you what that means to me. You guys are so gorgeous!
July 28, 2011 7:38 am
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Massive hugs to you; you are going to be *gorgeous*!
July 28, 2011 9:13 am
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Thank you so much. :) I bet you will be/were/are right now, whatever state of the whole marriage thing you’re at, if you indeed want to get married.
:D
July 28, 2011 9:34 am
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Oh, I so feel you. Here’s the thing though and it’s a thing I struggle with every time I see my wedding photos – you can criticize how your body looks (though I’m sure you’ll be a knockout) or you can just see how happy you are (and I guarantee you’ll be happy).
July 28, 2011 9:32 am
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Yeah, I guess my biggest struggle is that I am just so uncomfortable at my current weight. I gained 30 lbs. back in the last couple of years and it has been really stubborn in getting off. And I made the mistake of buying a too-small dress off the rack. (Was only $168, thankfully…) but I have a backup purple dress that currently fits me, and if I get married in purple, well, so be it. Hahaha.
July 28, 2011 9:36 am
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I love the idea of a purple dress! Too fun.
July 28, 2011 10:21 am
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yayyy Christina & Meigh! I have been dying to read about your wedding, so excited we get a two-parter for this one. you both look absolutely gorgeous, and this post was so beautifully written.. ahhh. you are both coming to happy hour on 8/8 riiight? :) I think we need some high fives.
another plug for the DC facebook group, if you haven’t joined please do! we are organizing a happy hour on 8/8.
July 28, 2011 7:53 am
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I’m pretty sure we’ll be there, but probably not until like 6:30. See you then!
July 28, 2011 8:07 am
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Whoo! Can’t wait for the HH!
July 28, 2011 8:33 am
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“My mantra for the wedding day was simply ‘Enjoy this,’ and I have to use it when looking back.”
You put words to my current relationship with my wedding right here. We really do have a lot of control over what and how we remember, don’t we?
July 28, 2011 7:57 am
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This post makes my heart happy :) What wonderful things from dress shopping and embracing your own body to realizing that the wedding you had was perfect, though not how you imagined it!
July 28, 2011 7:57 am
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Thank you so, so much for sharing. I’m a little too emotional to craft a coherent comment at the moment, but please know that I’ve been moved by your post and can’t wait to hear from your wife. Also, CONGRATULATIONS!
July 28, 2011 8:05 am
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Thank you so much for sharing so deeply with all of us. I feel so lucky to be able to have wonderful wisdom like yours (and all the wedding graduates) coming to me every few days as we plan our wedding.
P.S. You both look fabulous.
July 28, 2011 8:10 am
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Ummmm is it a problem that I feel proud right now? I am so PROUD that 2 fabulous ladies from the DC-APW crew are just ballin’ outrageous and rocked the pants off of their wedding. I could gush all day over the pictures and how gorgeous and joyful you both look, but really I wanted to stop in here and say I’m just so happy for you both and CONGRATU-F*CKING-LATIONS! And Christina, this post is so eloquent, I didn’t want it to end! (Can’t wait for Meigh’s this afternoon :D)
July 28, 2011 8:13 am
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The first picture kills me every time I scroll by…tears welling right up in my eyes.
July 28, 2011 8:34 am
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You both look absolutely beautiful… seriously, more beautiful and genuinely happy than any wedding magazine cover I have ever seen!
Thank you for sharing this gorgeous wedding with us… and I especially love your story about your dress. I’ve been in this spiral of guilt and shame (which isn’t really anything new, it’s been going on since I was a kid) about my weight recently, and it’s been worse since I got engaged. Your story struck such a chord with me, because I’ll look at wedding dresses and think “Oh, that will look good when I’m 40 pounds lighter.” Thanks for helping me to stop hating on my body (for now, at least!), and to get excited for wedding planning again :)
July 28, 2011 8:34 am
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“There’s something truly inspiring in looking at a tent full of people and realizing just how many people have come together to celebrate your relationship. And that your relationship is worth celebrating! ”
This. This made your post for me. I found out last week that none of my fiance’s family is coming to my bridal shower, and I’ve been in a little ball of hurt and anger since. Your post helped ME uncurl a little bit. Thank you so very much. Your day is incredibly gorgeous, as are both of you.
July 28, 2011 8:38 am
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I am buckets in love the cake photo.
And such wise words. I didn’t think you looked fat in your photos – and it was a gorgeous dress! Kudos!! I was terrified to try on a mermaid style because I’m not a stick… so I’m currently bowing down to your bravery. You rocked that dress.
July 28, 2011 8:41 am
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Argh, I wish we could all stop equating skinny with beautiful. Two of the most gorgeous women I have ever known in my life are seriously plus sized girls. And you both look stunning.
And FWIW, I am 5′ 9″ and weigh about 145 pounds, and my Mom STILL called me up the other day to suggest my wedding dress would look better if I wore control top pantyhose or something to “hold my stomach in.” WTF?
July 28, 2011 9:04 am
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I am getting married in October, and my mom (who is very slender and who did not pass that gene on to me) has been critical of my weight ever since I got engaged. It’s so.frustrating. to have to hear it from someone I love so much, because if she were anyone else I would have decked her.
July 28, 2011 6:51 pm
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I just wanted to thank Christina for writing this. Halfway through I started crying, because I’ve been engaged for six months, and I haven’t gone dress shopping yet. Not because I don’t love dresses, or because I don’t know what I want, or because I’m worried about who will disapprove of what I pick, but because I’m fat. I’ve always thought, when I get engaged, that’s when I’ll lose the weight. I’ll magically have the willpower to eat right and exercise daily because I’ll have a reason. (I’m fat, but I’m healthy by all other standards, so it’s hard to feel like I should be skinnier..) I want to look beautiful in my dress. I want my fiancé to think I look beautiful, I want my parents to think I look beautiful, and I want to FEEL beautiful. And Christina, you are -gorgeous-. If I look half as amazing in my dress I’ll call it a good day. To know that you went through what I’m going through, incredibly hot as you are (AND with an incredibly hot wife! HOLY COW I want her hair!!) makes me feel like maybe I can do this. Maybe I can find my dress. So thank you. And congratulations. I’m sending huge piles of love to you both <3
July 28, 2011 9:11 am
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ME TOO! My sister is DYING to go dress shopping with me, but I haven’t even been able to tell her (she’s one of my closest friends, too) that I can’t get to a place where I want to go because of the way I feel about my body. I, too, thought that once I got engaged it would all fall into place, that I’d lose weight and look HAWT and I’d suddenly have 5 gorgeous BFFs to be my bridesmaids. And unicorns and rainbows all around, of course.
I will be carrying many sentiments of this post with me through the process. If I can make my fiance’s jaw drop with a $5 dress from Target, why am I worried about what my wedding dress will look like? It’ll be the most expensive, only professionaly altered piece of clothing I’ve had in my life. It had damn well better make me feel gorgeous!
July 28, 2011 9:36 am
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GOD I LOVE THIS SITE. The “me too!”s I feel here are amazing.
July 28, 2011 9:39 am
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You totally can! And you’ll look awesome! Unfortunately, there are a lot of bridal stores and consultants who are unwilling to work with and unkind to larger brides. It sucks, but it’s definitely a “vote with your dollars” kind of situation.
July 28, 2011 10:05 am
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What a gorgeous wedding post! It made me all teary and I that’s saying something. Christina, thank you so much for sharing your wise words and those amazing photos. The whole time I was just floored by how beautiful you and your wife look in those fabulous dresses. Love and joy to you both!
July 28, 2011 9:13 am
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Your wedding was so, so gorgeous. I know that navigating the wedding world as a same-sex couple can be odd at times and daunting at others (my wife and I are about to celebrate our one year anniversary!) but it looks like you two did just fine. Congratulations. :)
July 28, 2011 9:29 am
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If one more person asked us which one of us was the bride or wearing pants…
July 28, 2011 10:32 am
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Christina, for the record, even before I read the part about the dress and body image stuff? My immediate reaction was “She looks gorgeous and I love that dress!” And when I did read the part about dress and body image, I just wanted to give you a big hug. Thank you so much for writing so honestly about that. I definitely needed to hear it.
And I’m so, so happy you ended up wearing the dress that made you feel beautiful. Because you are beautiful. In fact, both you and your wife are beautiful! You look so radiant and joyful in every photograph.
I kind of teared up when I read the part about you being given a quilt made by Meigh’s maternal family. For me, it illustrated the love and celebration and support all around you at your wedding. Your writing about that was so amazing. “There’s something truly inspiring in looking at a tent full of people and realizing just how many people have come together to celebrate your relationship. And that your relationship is worth celebrating!” Yes. This. Exactly!
July 28, 2011 9:31 am
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“* The less said about the SYttD filming, the better. ”
Understood. But I am still curious as hell. :)
July 28, 2011 9:37 am
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Hee. We got filmed to be the gay couple on Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss (the plus size mini-series they did)… at least, that’s what I think. We got there at 10. Our appointment was at 11. We left at 5pm. There was no food during that time and I tried on 3 dresses (Meigh tried on 2, but one twice). My consultant really didn’t get my style and told me the dress I wanted (yes, the one I’m wearing) was $3K more than it was. Meigh’s consultant didn’t want her to look at any dresses they didn’t have a plus size sample for. We both bought dresses and then the next week were like ‘… wait, what did we just do?’ So we put the orders on hold and came back 6 months later and found new ones.
The most awkward part was the interview, where they ask you a question and want you to answer the question while framing it into your response, while in present tense. I picked my dress first and they asked Meigh questions like “Now that Christina has said yes to her dress, do you feel like she’s set the tone for the wedding?” and other ridiculous things.
And the other awkward part is that we made the mistake of telling people and now, over a year after the filming, people are STILL asking us if it’ll go on the air.
July 28, 2011 10:42 am
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Yowza. The interview question… oh, my. I just don’t even know what to do with that. I knew it was a cheeseball show, but DANG. That is a whole new level of cheeeeezy. And you still made it out with (GAWGEOUS) dresses, albeit 6 months later. You two are like wedding dress superheroes! :)
July 28, 2011 10:57 am
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Speaking as another “thank god it didn’t air” reality tv survivor, I think that’s actually pretty standard — and it makes the strange way people talk about each other on reality shows make more sense.
July 28, 2011 9:10 pm
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Gorgeous! The emotion on their faces… incredible.
July 28, 2011 9:45 am
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Congratulations! And thank you so much for the wonderful post!
I would say something more meaningful than that, but I just can’t get over how gorgeous you look in that beautiful lacy dress!
July 28, 2011 9:46 am
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“my introverted brother busting several moves on the dance floor” – a definite highlight of ours too! You both look gorgeous and are rocking those dresses.
July 28, 2011 9:48 am
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I cried. And then I cried some more. Tears of joy for you finding your perfect wedding and the love of your life and being surrounded by family and friends who support you. And also because you are both gorgeous and so was your wedding and OMG I love the colors and the pennents and the flowers on the chairs! PERFECT.
July 28, 2011 9:51 am
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You are a breathe of fresh air as I’m struggling with some of the very same things Christina! Congratulations to the both of you….you looked radiant and gorgeous on your wedding day! Thank you for your candidness and sharing all of this with us!
July 28, 2011 9:56 am
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Hi,
I love the redheaded bride’s veil. Can you tell me where she got it and what it cost?
July 28, 2011 10:01 am
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She made it! I think she just sewed some netting to a comb, but I’m not positive… McPants?
July 28, 2011 10:19 am
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Yep. There are about a thrillion birdcage veil tutorials on the interwebs, and it’s easy to do. I just kind of winged (wung) it.
July 28, 2011 6:34 pm
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I loved this post so much, this is so beautifully written and the photos are amazing! (the first two are unbelievable, so touching). You both looked gorgeous and so much of what you said resonated with me, wise words. Congratulations!
July 28, 2011 10:22 am
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I almost didn’t read this because I’m so overwhelmed with emotion over our wedding. And not the good kind. The good kind is in there, but right now I’m angry at myself for things I could have done better if I’d just thought about it. Angry at the four people who came and shouldn’t have because they were total @$$hats (oh yes, someday I’ll tell). Angry about so many of my people not being there. I know I’m angry because I’m sad and it’s a secondary emotion and I am choosing to look at and count the positives, but right now it’s all twirled up together and I can’t handle anymore.
But I’m SO GLAD I read this. So much in this spoke to me, touched me. I’m so happy you got your dress, you’re absolutely beautiful. I’m so glad that you were able to have things go wrong and move on. To me, that was the most magical thing about the wedding. Big hugs. Meg’s right, this is a must-read.
July 28, 2011 10:37 am
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Can I just say that it makes me smile to hear someone else use the phrase “MOTHERFUCKING WEDDING?” That’s what I called mine all the time.
July 28, 2011 11:02 am
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I called it our Giant Gay Wedding for a while too.
July 28, 2011 11:42 am
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You COMPLETELY summed up how I felt about the RSVP situation. I’m getting married next weekend (wait, REALLY! next weekend?) and there were a lot of people that I ALWAYS thought would be at my wedding, no matter what. But they aren’t coming. Some of their reasoning is legit, others is a little shady… BUT the amazing part is the people that we sent invites to that we never imagined would come are SO EXCITED to come to our wedding! It took me a couple weeks to get over the negative RSVPs, but at one week out from our wedding I don’t even think about it anymore. I am so excited for the people that are coming and wouldn’t have it any other way!!!
July 28, 2011 11:10 am
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That dress is SO GORGEOUS! What a dream! This whole essay is beautiful.
July 28, 2011 11:43 am
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Wonderful! What is better than a beautiful bride? TWO! Gorgeous!
July 28, 2011 12:30 pm
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