Kate & Bear


Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

It’s possible that today’s Wedding Graduate post needs no introduction, except this: you should read it, even if you’re long-married and never read these posts anymore. It might be the best written Wedding Grad post we’ve ever run. It certainly talks about the hugeness of marriage and how on your wedding day, the tidal wave of enormous competes with the minutiae of moments in time, and it sometimes overwhelms us. It will help you remember what you’re wedding day felt like, how it changed you, and why. And if you want to read more of Kate’s writing (you know you do), she writes at Eat The Damn Cake.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

I threw up on my wedding night.

I don’t know where to start the story. Which is why instead of starting, I got some pizza, looked through some photos of friends of people I am friends with on Facebook, and watched an episode of Castle on Hulu. Then I clicked open a blank Word document, and here I am. Typing and looking at my hands on the dirty keyboard. Chipping turquoise nails, gold wedding band. Because I’m married. And when you don’t know where or how to start, the best thing to do is just start.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

The world wants to ask me, “Does it feel different? How does it feel?”

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

And my answer is, “It feels different.” I think I’m supposed to say, “It feels exactly the same.” Because after all, we already loved each other a lot, and we were already living together, as most young modern couples are when they get married, and neither of us were virgins, and we’re pretty down to earth in general. We don’t run around dramatically with our feelings flapping in the wind. But it feels different. I can’t quite explain how, so I’ll tell you this:

I threw up on my wedding night.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding
Everyone was leaving. There were only a few people left at the venue. I was still in my dress, Bear was in his tux, we were trying to leave, but there were all these gifts, piled on a table by the doors. And we didn’t know how to get them home. I’d been smiling hysterically for about eight hours straight, and suddenly, I felt like I was going to fall over. Actually fall over, not just the way people say that to mean other things, like, “I was so happy and tired!” No. It hit me like a truck. It wasn’t cute. I was going to fall down. I leaned on Bear.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

Then we were outside. People were still talking to me. They were carrying the gifts down to a cab. I was by the fence, at the bottom of the steps, in my enormous dress, sinking towards the sidewalk. My dress was a parachute. It was a nest. I was tiny in the middle of it. People driving by slowed down and stared. I could barely speak. I was going to throw up.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

I was married. Bear was married. He had a gold ring on his finger. He looked like a married man in it. That’s what he kept saying when we tried on the rings, after we bought them. “Don’t I look married?” Then he’d make this little punching motion.

“Why are you punching?” I asked. “Why does wearing a wedding ring make you want to punch things?”

“It shows off the ring,” he said.

Masculinity. They need more options. Sigh.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

I sang during the ceremony. A Hebrew love song. Neshama Carlebach backed me up. I was backed up by Neshama Carlebach, an actual Jewish popstar who I recently somehow became friendly with over the course of an intensive period of me following her around like an especially small and decidedly lost puppy. Yes, I was. She was singing harmony. And her band was playing. I was looking at Bear, and singing, and I wasn’t nervous at all. I wasn’t anything but happy.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

In fact, I was more than happy. I was a fluttering thing, caught between a line that led to the ground, and the wide open chaos of infinity. I thought perfectly mundane things, like, when I walked down the aisle, “Don’t trip. You’re going to trip. Slide your feet, don’t take real steps. Don’t inhale the veil. Are you sucking the veil up your nose? Don’t trip. Oh, shit. Here are the stairs. How many petticoats does this damn thing have? A whole orphanage of starving children in an impoverished country somewhere could be clothed with the petticoats of this dress.” But then I also thought things that didn’t have any words, because they were too big. Things about how wildly proud of Bear I was. I was proud of the way all of the lines of his face worked when he smiled like that. I was proud of him for existing. I was overwhelmed by us existing at the same time, standing there together, getting married.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding
Before the ceremony began, I made everyone leave the bridal room (bridal chambers? It looked like a chamber. That sounds slightly medieval and creepy), and I sat there, alone, looking at myself in the mirror. It was suddenly intensely quiet.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

There I was, in my gigantic dress, and my veil. With my hair doing something it would never do on its own, or even if I begged it. With only the faintest touch of makeup. I looked like myself. I had not been transformed into a fairytale princess. I hadn’t been airbrushed. I was me, wearing a wedding gown and a frothy veil. I was beautiful, and problematic. I looked different from different angles. In one mirror, I looked stunning. In the one beside it, I looked awkward and ill-proportioned. I had exactly the same disagreements with my face that I usually have, and in that moment, strung with nerves and two minutes away from being married, I was relieved to see myself, with all of my complicatedness, in those mirrors. I was glad of looking exactly like I would have expected, had I given it proper thought, and appreciative of my beauty, and unmoved by my flaws. It was me, after all, getting married. Not an exquisite fantasy woman or a cover model from a bridal magazine or anyone else. And I liked knowing that the old Kate, who wore jeans and a flannel shirt and never brushed her hair, was there for me, even now. Because she was the one who I was going to be for the rest of my life. And getting married is all about the rest of your life.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding
We ate pastrami for dinner. Not that I got to eat very much. That much is true. A bunch of people told me I’d probably not get a chance to eat. I also didn’t notice the flowers. Or even the music, really. I didn’t see what the tables looked like, set up. I saw individual people’s faces, when they came up to me, and I felt the fabric of Bear’s tuxedo under my hands, and I tried to find my feet inside the dress. I didn’t, somehow, worry even once that my breasts would pop out if I raised my arms. That was a triumph, in retrospect.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

I lifted my arms as we danced at the center of circles of people who were cheering and yelling and laughing. I didn’t think about my arms being chubby. At some point, my dress split open down the back, surrendering. My friend Elena was trying to rehook all of the tiny hooks, and I was still laughing.

There were waves of happiness sweeping over everything, so that the colors blurred and blended together, and everyone’s smiles looked exactly the same, and a whirlpool formed around Bear and me, and sucked all the happiness in, faster and faster and faster around us.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

So it makes a little bit of sense that abruptly, when it was all over, I was so sick I couldn’t stand. All that spinning. Happiness so extreme it nearly crushed me. My body had no idea how to process it all. It had never felt like that before. It had never had to handle so much emotion, all at once.

On the cab ride back to our apartment, I tried to tell myself, “You’re married!” but I could only tell myself, “Don’t throw up yet. Wait for the toilet.” And I did. Which was also a triumph.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

Then I curled up in bed in one of Bear’s tee-shirts. Bear got in bed with me, and said, “Can you believe we’re married?”

“I threw up all over our wedding night,” I said.

“It’s really OK,” he said. “Can I get you anything?”

“Sorry,” I said.

He laughed. It really was OK. I fell asleep.

Kate & Bear | A Practical Wedding

The Info— Photography: Jake Price for Kelly Guenther Studio / Venue: Angel Orensanz Foundation / Dress: RK Bridal / Flowers: Ariston

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  • http://poppiesandicecream.blogspot.com/ Amanda

    First of all congratulations… and then this: “There were waves of happiness sweeping over everything, so that the colors blurred and blended together, and everyone’s smiles looked exactly the same, and a whirlpool formed around Bear and I, and sucked all the happiness in, faster and faster and faster around us.” pretty much sums it up.

    • http://webecomeus.wordpress.com Caitlin

      YES. that’s what it feels like.

    • http://bunniesnbeagles.blogspot.com Ms. Bunny

      Love this so hard.

  • http://www.asafemooring.blogspot.com Kirsty {a safe mooring}

    Wow. Amazing, amazing, amazing. You are a truly gifted writer. Getting married is a phenomenally difficult experience to put into words, but you have done so beautifully. Thank you.

  • http://jolynn.wordpress.com Jo

    I love Kate’s writing. I loved reading her recap of the wedding on her blog, and it still speaks to me right now. I love reading stuff like this. My experience of our wedding day was much more mellow, like the joy was stretched out across the two days. And the being married differences, they’re subtle too. The differences have come slowly and one at a time. The first was the day after the wedding when people were subtly trying to get me to have sex, instead of all of the abstinence messages I’d gotten my whole life (total mindf*ck). The second was when C’s grandpa was in the hospital, and I ended up talking with the doctors most of the time, and they actually let me. Because I was legally family. Which made me even more determined that everyone should have the right to do this.

    • Other Katelyn

      What’s Kate’s blog?? I don’t see a link in the post and I’d really love to read more of her writing.

      • Laurin

        It’s http://www.eatthedamcake.com
        Do it – it’ll change your life, she’s fabulous :D

      • http://jolynn.wordpress.com Jo

        She also has a blog called Skipping School about unschooling.

  • http://www.lovelyatyourside.com Lovelyolivia

    That is a very sweet story :) It looks/sounds like such a hugely happy affair! I would totally have gotten sick too! Eric got food poisoning on our honeymoon, and in a weird way, it was the first time I really felt like “Wife.” It ended up being a special, intimate moment for us…just time to lie and process everything!

    Congrats :)

    • http://poppiesandicecream.blogspot.com/ Amanda

      I don’t know if it has been discussed before here, but from what I’ve seen in friends, other blogs, and our own experience, it is quite common to get sick in some way right after the wedding. It makes sense, it is such an overwhelming experience that gets to your body too. The boy was weak with the flu for 2 days immediately after, and after that, I got it . I don-t like to see Mark sick, but I do love to take care of him.
      A very close couple of friends had the same. He was sick for a week and a half.

    • Hypothetical Sarah

      My boy got sick just before he proposed. We were on vacation with our families; in a setting surrounded by my parents and his — a doctor, a chiropractor, and a psychologist — I was the one taking care of him. That was a special, intimate moment for us as well. He says it was food poisoning (but I think it was stress-related, like how he always used to get sick before organic chemistry exams in college)

  • Manya

    Oh, Kate. This line:

    “I was more than happy. I was a fluttering thing, caught between a line that led to the ground, and the wide open chaos of infinity.”

    You captured that feeling exactly. I have a picture of myself in the thick of this feeling–now I have the caption for it.

    I also loved: “Don’t I look married?” Then he’d make this little punching motion. “Why are you punching?” I asked. “Why does wearing a wedding ring make you want to punch things?” “It shows off the ring,” he said.

    Masculinity. They need more options. Sigh.

    This is great and made me guffaw a little. I LOVE looking over and seeing B. wearing his ring. He has the sexiest hands and his ring makes him look married and his hands look even sexier. Seriously.

    • Cass

      My husband definitely still punches with his wedding ring. It’s every boy’s fantasy to be a super hero – which usually has some sort of power-ring. So once they get a ring, they think they’re a super hero.

      • http://www.craigathenawedding.blogspot.com Athena

        A friend of mine had his wedding ring custom made: a white gold Green Lantern Ring. No joke!

      • http://eatthedamncake.com Kate

        That’s hilarious!

      • Mary Beth

        For weeks after our wedding, my husband kept telling me that he felt like Frodo with the One Ring. And, like the One Ring, it disappeared about six months later. Sixteen years later, he’s on number 4.

    • meg

      Funny, because your writing and Kate’s writing remind me of each other, a lot. Why don’t you guys pair up and write a book? K, thanks!

    • http://bunniesnbeagles.blogspot.com Ms. Bunny

      Sometimes Mr. Beagle’s ring catches my eye at random and I get an overwhelming turned on feeling. Those wedding rings are sexy.

  • Barb

    Somehow that made tear up, not something I’m likely to do.

    Thank you.

  • http://oversized-cliches.blogspot.com Zan

    Brava!

    That was a super piece of writing, just fabulous!

    Also, for lack of anything deep to add (no coffee yet, sorry!) I will say that when I read Neshama Carlebach I actually said, “Cool!” out loud. I love the way you ended up having her at your wedding, by being a groupie. :)

    Oh, and now I definitely need to add Kate to my reader.

  • http://theparanoidlibra.wordpress.com Paranoid Libra

    Holy crap Kate, your writing style is so very much like my favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut, just not as cynical as he can be errr used to be…damn it why did he die?…..and so it goes…

    Kate this grad post is something else. The pictures are to die for and your dress is killer. You’ve actually made me reconsider the style I want. Glad I am waiting to go shopping still to avoid the length of dress regret that will probably happen for a bit since I have anxiety problems. Your imagery is just beautiful. I’m kind of at a lack of other words as I’m sure there is something more I want to say, but it’s a swirling mess in my head.

    Thank you a thousand times over!

    • Tina

      I can see that connection. Maybe it’s why I’m also drawn to it. I’ve been on a 4-week hiatus due to some intense projects at work, but what a beautiful post to come back to. Just splendid.

  • http://misallocationofresources.blogspot.com Jenn

    truly, one of the best I’ve ever read. And I mean best in the way it really grabbed me, spoke to me, made me sit up straight and pay attention – maybe it’s the post equivalent of my mom? :)

    a month away now…and this post really made me want to feel everything about the wedding day, good and bad. thank you :)

    oh, and of course congratulations.

  • Caitlin

    I threw up on our wedding day too! Only it was first thing in the morning, before the wedding, rather than afterwards. I remember at the time, my now-husband saying, “Honey, I bet this sort of thing happens all the time. People just don’t blog about it, so no one knows.” And this is why I love APW so much. If someone is going to blog about the wedding-day-vomits, it’ll be on APW.

    • Amy

      I sobbed hysterically in the car on the way back from our venue. Walked through the hotel lobby with all of our friends waiting for us crying my eyes out. Granted, our driver got lost because “he didn’t know how to use these new GPS things” but normally I’d have just laughed and let it go. After an entire night of being “on” and all the emotional ups and downs I just didn’t have any balance left in me.
      So I cried, went up to our hotel room, changed out of the dress, and magically once I had jeans on and something to drink I felt much better – much more me.

    • Clairelizabeth

      I didn’t *quite* throw up at our wedding or afterward, but during cocktails and chatting I was hit with a wave of exhaustion so hard that I had to sit down for a minute. Somebody helpfully brought me a plate of canapes (canapes I had carefully chosen and obsessed over) and I ate one became immediately green. So I stayed away from canapes and later tried to eat a pork sandwich (L’homme’s only major wedding requirement – other than actually getting married – was a spit roasted pig) with no luck, so I just didn’t really eat all night. I kept asking my married friends if it was normal to just want to have a nap and throw up right after the wedding – apparently it’s pretty common…

    • Jamie

      My maid of honor threw up the morning of her wedding because she stayed at my house and I remember making her tea and toast and trying to sing to her to make her cheer up and not be so upset about barfing from nerves. I mean, you’re up there in front of everyone, with all that dress keeping you from breathing normally (as if you could anyway because…holy shit you’re getting married) and everyone you love is there and it’s just overwhelming and bigger than you and crazy.

      I almost threw up and passed out. I tried so hard to eat all day but I just couldn’t. I was too excited. So I almost threw up and passed out during pictures after the ceremony. My new sister-in-law ran around looking for orange juice while my photographer fanned me and husband looked concerned. We got some really sweet pictures of us sitting on a bench, my head on his shoulder as I fought just falling asleep right there. And then I got my juice and felt a little better. But I still couldn’t eat much at the reception.

      My mom said I used to do the same thing when I was a little kid. Barfing was my default response to being overstimulated/emotional.

      After the night was over, I was finally hungry enough to eat. So we sat in our hotel room, me in my dress, him in his suit eating cupcakes.

    • AK

      I threw up before our rehearsal dinner started and had to go home. I was so sick I had to stay in bed the entire day of our wedding up until it was time to get ready…watch what you eat in the week before the wedding, ladies! :) Let’s just say I knew it wasn’t from nerves because there were, ahem, other symptoms. But you know what? it didn’t even ruin the day. When I think back on the day, it hardly even crosses my mind that I had to bring my own banana to eat for dinner because I wasn’t eating solid food yet.

  • http://www.thefamiliarwilderness.com Erin

    This: “I had exactly the same disagreements with my face that I usually have, and in that moment, strung with nerves and two minutes away from being married, I was relieved to see myself, with all of my complicatedness, in those mirrors.”

    It’s incredibly true. And I had told myself I’d rather be Erin getting married than look like someone else entirely, but I was still just a tiny bit surprised I hadn’t been transformed like Cinderella. At the same time, it was a comfort to know that I was always and just myself. Lovely, lovely grad post.

  • http://webecomeus.wordpress.com Caitlin

    Among the many parts of this post that struck a chord with me, there was this: “And I liked knowing that the old Kate, who wore jeans and a flannel shirt and never brushed her hair, was there for me, even now. Because she was the one who I was going to be for the rest of my life. And getting married is all about the rest of your life.”

    I’m not sure the feelings I had on my wedding day can be summed up better than that.

  • http://girlliveslife.blogspot.com/ Anna Hope

    I love this post. I love that you, so eloquently, put words to the whirrling kalidascope of joy and tiny details that whized by on your wedding day. I felt so similarly. I got back to our cabin after our wedding reception and ate three granola bars because it was the firs time all day I had slowed down my brain enough to realize I was hungry as well as all of those other things.

    I love the way you described looking like yourself. That was very important to me as well. I wanted to recognize myself and I wanted to look like ‘me’ in the forever of the pictures. I too had the same old disagreements with my whole body and now, when I look at my pictures I smile and think ‘There I am’.

    Congratulations. Thank you for such a fantastic post.

  • http://www.jehara.blogspot.com jehara

    “The world wants to ask me, Does it feel different? How does it feel? And my answer is, ‘It feels different.’ I think I am supposed to say, ‘It feels the same.’ ”

    This.

    I very much felt different after I got married. I felt a deep intense joy, and I also felt very very rooted. Rooted is the best way I can describe it. All I know is that the things I felt in the few weeks after the wedding were things I had not previously experienced.

  • http://nickandnoragettingmarried.wordpress.com Annie

    I think this is one of the sweetest, most well-written posts I’ve seen. Kate presents all the intense emotions that can come along with getting married. Usually you hear people talk about how they felt so warm and loved, which you can get here, but people don’t tend to talk about getting overwhelmed by that warmth and love as well. Honestly, I can relate–I tend to pass out or get sick when I get overwhelmed by things. (Blood pressure drops.) So it’s really refreshing to see Kate confront the real intensity of the day, even if it was beautiful and exciting and loving. Really, really well written.

  • http://frugallywed.wordpress.com Frugalwed

    Damn girl, YOU CAN WRITE.

  • http://dullmoments.wordpress.com laurabalaurah

    Stunning writing–such a treat to read!
    “I was overwhelmed by us existing at the same time, standing there together, getting married.”
    Yes. I remember this feeling- this hugeness. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully!

  • http://www.accidentallyyours.wordpress.com Novice Wife

    The sweetest thing was these two lines: “I looked like myself. I had not been transformed into a fairytale princess” and “I was proud of the way all of the lines of his face worked when he smiled like that.” To me, that’s what it’s all about – loving the “humanness” of ourselves and our partners.

    Congratulations and thank you for the lovely post!

  • http://bettencourtchase.blogspot.com Helen

    Wow, Kate, just… wow. This was really lovely. You’re an amazing writer. I think you put into words a lot of what remains nameless for the rest of us. Thank you for sharing.

    In other news, YOUR HAIR! It used to be so long! And now it is so short! I’ve been following your blog for a while, with your ever-shortening hair updates, haha.

  • http://ktmade.blogspot.com Katie @ ktmade blog

    Wow, this was amazing. And it somehow made me feel less anxious about my own wedding, less afraid of the moments that aren’t blissfully happy.

    Also, please please what is your blog? I want to read more of this gorgeous prose.

    • francine

      yes kate please, what is your blog, if you don’t mind sharing?

      • http://www.3upadventures.com Beth

        Meg mentioned it at the end of the intro…that admittedly I missed the first time around. Kate’s blog: http://www.eatthedamncake.com/

  • http://justneedthisspace.wordpress.com ddayporter

    I can’t quite put my finger on why but I am almost sobbing! this whole thing just made my heart swell, unexpectedly (I mean I know we were warned, but still). this part got me: “I was proud of the way all of the lines of his face worked when he smiled like that. I was proud of him for existing. I was overwhelmed by us existing at the same time, standing there together, getting married.” and other parts.

    I love how you wrote about how you were still you when you looked in the mirrors.

  • Amber

    “The world wants to ask me, “Does it feel different? How does it feel?” And my answer is, “It feels different.” I think I’m supposed to say, “It feels exactly the same.””

    I feel the opposite of how she did. I still feel bad (a year later) saying that I didn’t feel an ounce different. “How’s married life?” we’ve been asked. Uh.. exactly like life the day before our wedding.

    I heard someone talk about defining themselves and they listed wife, and I can’t say I know what the hell that means. I’m the same thing toward my husband now as I was when we were dating.

    • Miranda

      Hah, I’m glad you posted this! Everyone here seems to be going on about how amazing their wedding was, how it was the happiest day etc etc.

      If someone asks me how my wedding day was, I say it was “alright”. Maybe I’ll stretch to a “pretty good”. This is kind of my/our fault for allowing a lot of decisions which it turned out I wasn’t really happy with, though.

      But aside from that, nothing has changed in our relationship. It’s only been 3 months, but still. When he started a new job a couple of years ago, he put me down as not only his emergency contact, but also his pension beneficiary if he died. I really felt that decision, like, wow, this is serious now. Getting married didn’t make me feel anything special.

      • Elaine

        If anything, honestly, I feel like my emotional commitment to my relationship has lessened slightly since we were married a few months ago. I feel guilty saying this, but before, we were together solely because we chose to be and really, really wanted it; I feel like it was, in some ways, a truer form of commitment than our legal one. I know I’m in the minority here. His family now has accepted me as one of their own, which is nice, but also kind of feels like an “f- you” to the years we were living together and I didn’t get birthday cards or my photo on his parents’ mantle.

        I also didn’t feel like my wedding was more than just a nice day with family and a few friends. We went on vacation, we came back to work, and life went on. There was nothing transcendent about it for me, by any means.

  • L

    What a truly beautiful piece of writing. Thank you.

  • http://dearwedding.wordpress.com/ Andee

    I LOVE this. I LOVE Kate’s blog and I LOVE APW and here they are together. Awesome. Pure awesome.

    • http://eatthedamncake.com Kate

      OK, this makes me feel really, really good. Thank you!

  • http://www.newlyla.blogspot.com Ashley

    “Things about how wildly proud of Bear I was. I was proud of the way all of the lines of his face worked when he smiled like that. I was proud of him for existing. I was overwhelmed by us existing at the same time, standing there together, getting married.”

    Your entire post is so wonderfully written, but this part rang especially true to me. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of pride during my own ceremony, and it’s that feeling that has remained with me while the smaller details and mistakes have faded. And now I’m going to go re-read your post because it’s so amazing :) Congratulations!

  • Hilary

    This is beautifully written — but for me it’s magical and powerful not because of how it’s written, but that Kate was able to express what’s usually considered unexpressable — how a day that by all accounts is supposed to be a blur feels in every moment. Normally, I feel like brides say “I don’t have the words,” but Kate has them! And managed to share them with us. I’m very grateful.

    T-minus three months and a few days, and I haven’t been that concerned about how the wedding day would feel as much as if it would happen smoothly. This post reminds me that there’s all kinds of wedding preparation, and getting my head (and stomach) ready is just as important.

  • Harriet

    I was so excited to see this grad post–I’m a huge fan of Kate’s blog. This part is my favorite: “I was glad of looking exactly like I would have expected, had I given it proper thought, and appreciative of my beauty, and unmoved by my flaws. It was me, after all, getting married.”

    Getting married shouldn’t put pressure on us to look “perfect.” It should allow us to appreciate ourselves, and our own beauty, for who we are and for what it is. I think one of the best parts of being a “bride” is feeling beautiful as yourself, however dressed up you want to be.

  • http://www.3upadventures.com Beth

    Whoah Kate. The feelings wrapped up in your words wrapped up in your day. Just whoah…amazing.

  • Kristen

    I threw up after our wedding too, although I wasn’t brave enough to say so explicitly in my wedding grad post. I could only hint at the feelings of over overwhelming emotion and happiness colliding into each other. Thank you for your honesty. xo

  • http://boredzilla.blogspot.com Linsey

    This had made me petrified to get married, but in a good way!

    • http://www.3upadventures.com Beth

      I know right?! (But Kate, seriously, in the best way possible. To know there is an enormity and weight to it and that it feels that way…it’s just wonderful.)

    • http://discerningdilettante.blogspot.com/ ka

      Seriously.

      Way to add vomiting to the list of things I want to avoid.

      But so, so, so wonderfully written.

  • http://www.strongbride.com Megan (Strong Bride)

    Wow, reading this makes me feel dizzy thinking about my upcoming wedding (even though we’re only having 10 guests)!
    I love the style of this piece. Thanks for sharing all the emotional details!

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  • http://amountainbride.blogspot.com jes (a mountain bride)

    you were right – this was excellent. perhaps my favorite grad posts ever.

    *applause*

  • http://www.koruwedding.blogspot.com/ Koru Kate

    Beautiful, beautiful. I have yet to put our wedding into words because it’s so overwhelming & so much. Yet you’ve done it gracefully & perfectly. LOVE.

  • http://henryreigns.blogspot.com/ Kiara

    Wonderful, wonderful post! I’ve found it hard to define what feels different since being married and this is just great to read, beautifully written Kate.

  • http://upupcreative.com Julie Green

    never thought a story that included throwing up, and frankly, so much talk about throwing up, could be so beautiful. lovely. you have a gift with analogies and with weaving them together so that everything comes together in a great and beautiful crescendo. and then a moment of quiet reflection. the structure of your essay does, in fact, echo its subject matter. quite nice!

  • http://www.threlkelded.net Emily

    Oh, yes! Been there. Not on my wedding night, but I’ve definitely been there.

    Actually, Ian and I saw INCEPTION on our wedding night. Midnight showing at this cool old theatre in New Orleans. It was fun. :)

    • http://www.rorygordon.tumblr.com argo9418

      You’re awesome. End tape.

  • ashley

    What a wonderful description of the whirlwind that is a wedding day.

    I didn’t throw up but I did pass out from pure exhaustion during the… consummation. I then proceeded to cry, an exhausted champagne fueled cry, over how I ruined our wedding night. My Mr. was amazing, ordered grilled cheese sandwiches from room service that we ate on the hotel room floor as he wiped my tears. That’s one of my most cherished memories from the whole weekend. Truly feeling the full spectrum of emotions and knowing you can survive them, have a wonderful day and walk away with a pretty amazing partner.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • http://hitchdied.wordpress.com Robin HitchDied

    I was so excited when I saw that Eat the Damn Cake’s author was posting on APW today. It was like if Julia Roberts were posting here.

  • Victwa

    This is the first wedding post that made me cry. So much love for this.

  • Paige

    WOW. I absolutely connected with this wedding post!!!

    My favorite memory of our wedding day:

    After the rush of getting ready, first look, walking down the aisle, ceremony, blur of after ceremony photos, signing the marriage license…. I got a horrible headache. Borderline migraine. Then I started to panic. I needed to get away from the crowd and rip off the dress so I could breath like a normal person. I went to find a quiet place to lay down and… My now husband followed me.

    “Why don’t you join the cocktail party and be with all our guests?” I asked.

    “Because I want to be with my wife. I just promised to take care of you until the end. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

    We proceeded to find the master bedroom in the house on the property we were hosting the wedding. I flopped down on the bed in my dress and veil like a dead fish. My husband took my slightly too small shoes off my feet, found some lotion, and proceeded to give me a foot massage. My FAVORITE. All while making sure I drank copious amounts of water. I kept asking why he was there with me and not at ‘our wedding’. He would just smile and tell me to relax….

    Before I knew it an hour had gone by. An hour! The wedding coordinator came in to fetch us for our ‘grand entrance’. We had missed the cocktail party…. But walking in to dinner I had the BIGGEST smile and fortunately was able to have a ball the rest of the night.

    When people ask me about our wedding, I come up with lots of lovely things to say. But what I really want to say is: that stolen hour… Just me and my husband…. And a damn good foot rub!!!

  • http://teaandcookies.blogspot.com tea_austen

    Oh my goodness, this is an amazing piece of writing. Tears and laughter, and a whole lotta truth.

  • Kim Menard

    I threw up on my wedding night, too. Thanks for bravely putting this out there. I thought I was the only one!

    We’re about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary (!!) and I’m finally coming to grips with the whirlwind of drama at the end of our wedding night. This captures it so well. Your words are helping me heal.

    For me, it was the rapid fall from such a high that I wasn’t anticipating. I’d heard of brides who cried the entire way to their honeymoon. But I was blindsided on the limo ride home…I felt like my dress was closing in on me, that I couldn’t breath (and my inhaler wasn’t helping), and that I needed the dress OFF. Rather than strip down in front of our bridal party, I wheezed the entire way home…long enough to get to our room and throw up.

    To his credit, my husband did everything he could to comfort me that night. He really is the best. But, to be honest, it’s really not sexy to puke on your wedding night. And I still feel guilty, even though I know it wasn’t intentional or avoidable…but it’s also an irreplaceable moment in time.

    So, my question to you, Kate, is what happened next? And for the group, how can brides let go of the bad to focus on the good?

  • http://newlittleoldhouse.tumblr.com Colleen

    My husband threw up on our wedding night, too. We had an afternoon wedding, during which he drank more than usual. I still don’t think he drank enough to cause what happened later, but I guess we’ll never know what conspired to make him so sick.

    We got home in the early evening, set to catch a late-night train for our honeymoon. He threw up during the evening (and when he’s sick it’s a violent affair) but was feeling a little better by the time we got on the train. In the middle of the night, though, he was heaving again (good thing we had an ensuite bathroom). I was walking through endless cars on the quiet train, desperate to find some ice, some bread for when he felt like eating, anything. I finally found a kind attendant. When I explained was was going on, he hooked me up in the kitchen and then told me, “Take good care of him; you’re married now.” I did feel pretty danged married, nursing my sick husband as the train hurtled through our wedding night. We had the whole next day on the train, which was relaxing, and by the time we got to our destination halfway across the country my husband was all healed up and ready for fun.

    It still sticks out as distinctly unfortunate and unromantic. It’s not something I told anyone about except my best friend. But hey, the wedding was awesome and marriage is even better. So why let my memories be tainted? Who knew “in sickness and in health” would apply mere hours after we got married?

  • http://eatthedamncake.com Kate

    Thank you for all of these incredibly kind comments! (and for all the comments related to vomit, which are also fun to read)

    I think being here on APW has been one of my favorite things that has happened to me on the internet.

    Thanks for the opportunity, Meg! And Lauren!

  • Carbon Girl

    I too threw up on my wedding night. We went to bed by 12:30 am exhausted. Then I woke up around 3 and threw up. Not sure why to this day. Did I drink too much, eat too much, too much emotion? Whatever it was, my husband woke up too and we read our “guestbook” quilt squares until we felt sleepy again.

    That same night while we were getting ready to go to bed my husband fell asleep standing up while brushing his teeth. I heard the electric toothbrush go “thunk” and asked him if everything was OK, which woke him up. Needless to say the wedding night sex was not very good because we were so tired.

    Great writing. You truly did capture the feelings of the day. I am going to come back and read this one every so often.

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  • http://www.kellyguentherstudio.com Kelly Guenther

    Kate-
    You paint such a picture of that night and the photos you chose to accompany your story really complimented each other. Curious, did you write first then look at the photos? Or did the photos inspire some elements of the story? I’ll be sure to share this with all of my brides. My best to you and bear;)
    Kelly Guenther
    Kelly Guenther Studio

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