A few weeks ago we ran a (fabulous) article by Jen Girdish on How To Write Wedding Vows. In the comments, someone suggested that we run an open thread where people could share their own wedding vows for inspiration. Considering how amazing the APW thread sharing real wedding budgets was, we wanted to do it.
So, if you’d like to share what you said when you pledged to spend your life with your beloved, do so in the comments. And summer brides with writers block? You’re welcome.
PS. You can read our (pretty traditional) wedding vows here.
Pictures: 1. Kara Schultz; 2. Lauren McGlynn Photography
My husband and I each wrote our own personal vows. (The handwritten copies are now framed and hung in our house.) We also said a set of ‘traditional’ vows. They are as follows: I, Amy*, take you, Stephen, to be my husband. I give you my hand and my heart. I pledge to share my life openly with you, and to speak loving truth to you. I promise to respect and honor you, care for you in tenderness, support you with patience and love, and walk with you through all the seasons of our lives.*
August 4, 2011 4:40 am
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Wife didn’t want me to share *all* of our vows on the internet, but here’s what I was allowed to share: http://queerskiesahead.com/2010/12/across-the-shoreline-what-this-would-mean/
We wrote our own and had a friend read them over; funny and wonderful that we both referenced a lot of the same things. The “I, Bird, take you…” part was the same for both of us, and we repeated after the minister.
Since getting married and talking to other people who got married, I highly recommend NOT trying to memorize your vows! I enjoyed reading mine and carrying them around, and being able to read hers afterward. Friends who did memorize were so focused on not forgetting them that they couldn’t focus leading up to the vows. Anyone else have experience with this?
August 4, 2011 4:42 am
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I will totally second not trying to memorize them. We tried, but I got SO flustered and nervous and blanked out any time I thought about actually DOING THEM. So, THE MORNING OF, I said screw it, printed them out & taped them inside the blank thank you cards that matched our invitations.
They looked awesome & I felt 100% more confident, just knowing that I had them THERE. It was half recited, half read & totally awesome.
August 4, 2011 6:26 am
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Totally agree! We *did* memorize but the hubster got super nervous during the ceremony, forgot them, and then the officiant (who had a copy) pointed to the wrong spot and the hubster made his entire vows referencing me as a “he” and stating that he took me as his “husband,” etc. . . .
Good comic relief, of course, but it probably would have been better to have a classy card to reference instead . . .
August 4, 2011 6:37 am
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We memorized ours, and were really happy that we did–we liked being able to look at each other while we were saying them and it was fun to practice together beforehand. However, they were pretty short, only about 5-6 lines.
August 4, 2011 7:21 am
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Do you know you’re not allowed to memorize them in Judaism? You have to repeat the hebrew vows back, a few words at a time. The idea is that if some people memorized them, in would be trying to show off in the eyes of god/ your community, at a moment when you should be humble.
August 4, 2011 8:04 am
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Really? I always thought that traditionally vows weren’t incorporated into the Jewish ceremony … the Conservative wedding I went to I didn’t think had them? But that’s interesting because while our Rabbi didn’t say we weren’t ALLOWED to memorize them, he very strongly urged us to give him a copy so that we didn’t HAVE to memorize them. So maybe that was partly where he was coming from….
August 4, 2011 8:49 am
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I really like this tid bit, as it makes me feel way better that there is no way I would be able to memorize them! Thanks for sharing.
August 16, 2011 5:07 pm
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Our priest made us memorize them, the logic being that it was us making the promise, not him. They were short, just a few sentences, and I liked having them memorized – I still know them!
We also recited a poem during our ceremony, and had that about 90% memorized. We got the giggles during that last 10%, and have some great photos of us laughing on the altar to show for it.
August 4, 2011 10:18 am
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I did not memorize mine, as I knew I’d forget – I was definitely crying by that point so it was good to have a piece of paper to read off of. My husband is a former theater geek, so is used to memorizing lines and surprised me by having his memorized.
August 4, 2011 11:08 am
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Thanks for this, Meg! I COMBED the interweb looking for just the right words… I wish all of these were my own, but alas, much was derived from others. I would be so honored if something like this would work for anyone reading. BTW, the family part of our vows was beyond special, and our kids talk about “when we all got married.” An awesome and unexpected outcome.
Pastor Robert: Brian and Manya, do you now choose to come home to the sanctuary of marriage and accept one another as husband and wife? (Brian and Manya: “We Do”).
The Vows
Manya:
Brian, because I love you, I promise to treat you the way you want to be treated, and give you the respect you deserve.
I promise to maintain your trust with my words and actions.
I promise to always be your partner in crime and adventure, your lover, your sounding board, your co-pilot, your sous-chef, your copyeditor and your friend.
I will tell you when you are wrong and help you to find a righter way, without making excuses or rescuing you.
I will respect your boundaries.
I will pack light.
I will help you figure out how you feel.
I will pay attention and give you time.
I will listen, both to what you say, and to what you don’t say.
I promise to always share what’s in my heart, even if I am afraid.
I will strive to be my best self for you.
Brian:
Manya, because I love you, I promise to treat you the way you want to be treated, and give you the respect you deserve.
I promise to maintain your trust with my words and actions.
I promise to always be your partner in exploration and adventure, your lover, your sounding board, your reality check, your Zen Rock, your editor, and your friend.
I will tell you when you are wrong and help you to find a righter way, without making excuses or rescuing you.
I will respect your boundaries.
I will pack snacks.
I will encourage you as you pursue your dreams and whims.
I will listen, both to what you say, and to what you don’t say.
I promise to always share what’s on my mind.
I will strive to be my best self for you.
Pastor Robert:
Brian,
Do you take Manya to be your wife?
To love her and treasure her, to be at her side in sorrow and in joy?
Do you promise to comfort her in times of suffering,
To cherish her in hardship and in ease,
To celebrate her as she continues to grow
For all the days of your life?
(I do)
Manya,
Do you take Brian to be your husband?
To love him and treasure him, to be at his side in sorrow and in joy?
Do you promise to comfort him in suffering,
To cherish him in times of hardship and in ease,
To celebrate him as he continues to grow,
For all the days of your life?
(I do)
Children’s Ceremony:
Pastor Robert:
Often marriage is viewed as the union of two persons. Yet marriages not only unite the Bride and the Groom, they unite families. Brian and Manya have both been blessed as their hearts have expanded to love Chad, Melissa, Jared and Ciella. During a wedding ceremony rings are exchanged with a promise. Brian and Manya thought appropriate that their children should also receive a token of their promises to them this day. Brian and Manya wanted to find a way to let their children know how special and wonderful they all are in their own way, and how blessed they feel to be their parents. They also wanted them to have a physical reminder for the future that as they grow and become young men and women in their own right, that their parents will always support them.
Manya: Chad, Jared, I love you guys. I didn’t know I needed boys in my life until you guys showed up, and now I wonder how we ever lived without ticklespanks and butt jokes. Thank you so much for allowing me and my girls into your family. I promise that I we will never get in the way of your relationship with your dad. You are his favorites and I’ll do everything I can to bring you guys closer. I will also not try to be your mom. You have a really good mom already. But there may come times when there are things going on in your lives that you think nobody would ever understand. Try me. You will always find a friend in me. Melissa and Ciella, you are my everything, and you always will be. Thanks for letting these guys join our family.
Brian: Girls, I love you girls very much. Thanks for adopting me into your family and for loving me back. I promise that I won’t ever come between you and your mom. There may be times when things in your life seem really tough and you think nobody can understand. You can always talk to me. All you guys, I promise that when you are teenagers we will do everything possible to ruin your lives every single day. Boys, I love you more than you will ever know until you have kids of your own. You are my favorites and you always will be. Thanks for letting these girls be part of our family.
(give gifts)
August 4, 2011 5:05 am
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Oy… sorry so long. Meg, delete if you need to.
August 4, 2011 5:06 am
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No don’t be crazy, these are beautiful!
August 4, 2011 5:24 am
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These are AWESOME vows!! I especially love the children’s vows. What a lovely way to unite your families. I daresay I am getting a little teary-eyed.
August 4, 2011 5:47 am
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What an amazing set of vows. I love the list of “I promise to always be your…” in each of them, and the fact that they are a little bit different.
August 4, 2011 6:39 am
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Thanks guys–
Writing our vows was actually kind of intense. Intensely emotive person that I am, I wanted us to show up and surprise each other with extemporaneous, memorized vows. Brian, reserved and slightly shy guy that he is, really didn’t want to do that, and he really didn’t want to give a speech which might invite comparisons. This was the compromise we found… read vows that were similar, but tweaked to be specific to each of us. We loved reading them, actually. It made them fresh the day we said them, and took the pressure to “perform” off of us, and allowed us to just really soak in the words. We did surprise the kids though… and they loved it.
August 4, 2011 6:55 am
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PS: Manya, absolutely beautiful grad post today! thank you! I was secretly hoping for this when I read these vows because, gaahh! SO beautiful. Best to you and your amazing family. Oh, and the real princess bit? awesome.
August 10, 2011 7:05 am
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aaaaaand now I’m crying at work. THESE ARE GORGEOUS!!!
August 4, 2011 11:21 am
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APW- you always seem to read my mind. My wedding is next weekend. I have questions about tipping? You post about tipping. My fiance and I are working on our vows this weekend? You post about writing vows. Thank you!!
August 4, 2011 5:07 am
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Same here! We started working on our vows last night and hit a wall…now APW is to the rescue! :)
August 4, 2011 8:00 am
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i wish i could “exactly” this post like 50 times.
August 4, 2011 9:04 am
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We looked at a lot of traditional vows, since we knew that we wanted the words that have been said for years. But, we wanted to create something that truly meant something to both of us. So we looked at each selection (and there are a ton!), and chose what we thought reflected what we wanted to promise each other. We didn’t memorize or read ours, we had our pastor prompt us. There are 3 sections, question of intent, vows, and rings. The end result was exactly what we had wanted and the words were incredibly meaningful to us, and though it wasn’t our first priority, also touched many people at our wedding. They are simple at first glance, but it’s the feeling that we owned our vows that makes them special.
Question of intent:
“Do you, _________, take _________ to be your husband/wife? Do you promise to respect, love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others and holding only unto him/her?”
Vows:
“Made free by the blood of Christ and bound by His love I, _________, promise to be faithful to you in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, to love you without reservation, to serve you with tenderness and respect, to be honest with you, and to cherish you as long as we both shall live.”
Rings:
“Receive this ring as a seal upon my vows to you. May it be a reminder of how much I love you this day and always. With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.”
August 4, 2011 5:15 am
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Here are ours, taken from the Protestant Wedding Sourcebook:
Q: Kirsty, will you have Findlay to be your husband, and be faithful to him alone?
A: NOOOOOO! (Ok, fine, I will)
To congregation: Will you witness this covenant between Kirsty and Findlay, respect their marriage, and sustain them with your friendship and care?
(The minister asked them to stand to show support, if they were able, rather than say We Will. Then cracked a joke that there were a few people still sitting down. Twas funny)
Then we got serious and repeated after minister:
In the presence of God and before our family and friends,
I, Kirsty, take you, Findlay, to be my husband.
All that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you.
Whatever the future holds, I will love you and stand by you,
as long as we both shall live.
Then:
I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness. (swap rings, try not to drop them Meg-stylee)
The end! Not the most unique or different, but everything we wanted to say, and we definitely drew strength and comfort from the traditional, these-words-or-thereabouts-have-been-said-by-generations side of it.
August 4, 2011 5:21 am
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I *did* drop the ring! Someone’s paying attention. But that’s because I pinned it to my bouquet. Which was rad.
August 4, 2011 8:07 am
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We had vows from the community to show their support of us and our love, which we wrote with our officiant. Those words were in the program, and it was so great to hear everyone reading them. All of our wedding party read sections of our two readings, to show their support. Our parents also had vows, and the words were kept secret from us until the ceremony, which were amazing. Finally, our vows were reformed Jewish vows, which are on our ketubah. We didn’t write them (except for a few slight alterations), but we did choose them, and they were perfect. I read the first paragraph, and Martin read the other:
I betroth you to me forever. I betroth you to me in everlasting faithfulness. With trust and devotion, I will be your loving friend as you are mine. Set me as a seal upon your heart, like the seal upon your hand, for love is stronger than death. And I will cherish you, honor you, uphold and sustain you in all truth and sincerity, in times of joy as well as hardship.
I will respect you and the divine image within you. May our hearts be united forever in faith and hope. Let our home be built on truth and loving-kindness, rich in wisdom and reverence. May we always keep these words in our hearts as a symbol of our eternal commitment to each other: I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.
And then we read together: We joyfully enter into this covenant and solemnly accept its obligations. Our promise to each other, in the presence of loving family and friends, is valid and binding.
August 4, 2011 5:45 am
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My husband and I wrote our own. I didn’t know what to expect from him… and he said that he would be writing about my gassiness, which should have warned me that this was going to happen…
Me: Walt, I love you because you’re always looking out for me. I know that my happiness means so much to you, and I love your selflessness. I love you because you make me feel better whenever I’m sad, and you do silly things to cheer me up… like rub your nose on me. I love you because you encourage me to be a better person without nagging me or making yourself seem bigger. Because I love you, I promise to work hard at maintaining our relationship, compromise when we fight, and be your best friend. I’ll always support you. Let’s grow old together.
Walt: ‘ve never met a girl quite like you. I love you because you make me smile. I love every second I’m with you, whether it’s sleeping in on Saturdays, going to the grocery store, or eating at Magnolia Cafe. I love that I fart and you laugh. I will always love you and protect you and be there for you, whether you are happy or sad or gassy. I love you, Elissa.
I know, it wasn’t as heavy as the usual stuff, but it was so us, and that’s what mattered to us. :)
August 4, 2011 5:47 am
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I am absolutely in love with your vows. I cried and then I laughed and both again. LOVE them! haha :)
August 4, 2011 5:23 pm
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Yay APW!! We just started working on our ceremony, so this thread is excellent! We haven’t finalized vows yet. We’re looking for something fairly traditional, so have a number of options to choose from, but the first time I read this statement of intent I cried. At work. >sigh<
L, will you be truly a partner in the holy bond of marriage, accepting B as your husband?
Will you love him, be his friend, his comforter, his security?
Will you promise to honor and uphold him, and to join with him in making a home that shall endure in love and peace?
Will you affirm your purpose of a deeper union with him, whereby you both shall know the joy and fulfillment of love?
Will you promise to share his interests, share your interests with him, and still give him the freedom to be himself?
Will you pledge to him your complete faithfulness through all the changing experiences of life?
And, of your own free volition, will you now give yourself to him completely – body – mind – soul – that from this day forth that you will be his in all your years to come? I will.
August 4, 2011 5:50 am
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We wrote our vows together, using some traditional pieces and some pieces I’m sure we stole from other places (though I don’t remember where). It was really important to me to say “for better, for worse,” and the last line sums up to me what marriage is.
____, take you _____ to be my ______,
To love, cherish, and support,
For better, for worse,
through all the changes of our lives,
til death do us part;
I promise
To live a worthy life and inspire you to do the same,
To be faithful, kind, and understanding,
To communicate openly and respectfully,
and to consider your well-being as important as my own.
August 4, 2011 5:54 am
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Funny, I just wrote something about this this morning… We wrote a marriage contract together, had it illustrated by an incredible friend, read it out loud during the ceremony and then framed it in our flat.
When things are rough, as they were today, I really do feel comforted by seeing it there. We hoped it would remind us of the wedding, and keep us accountable to each other for some of the tougher things (health being one of the main ones).
I’ve got the full text of it here:
http://thequestionnowbecomes.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-take-you-for-now-and-for-always.html
After we read out the contract we (well, S really as he’s the one who knows about poetry ‘n things) chose a line from Philip Larkin to read while we exchanged rings. We each said:
“I take you for now and for always, for always is always now”
Then we cried, and everyone cried and we jumped up and down.
August 4, 2011 5:55 am
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YOUR Wedding contract was THE inspiration to ours!!! I read your blog with those words and fell in love! It’s so weird seeing them here on this blog! Sorry… I’m two days away from my wedding. I’m a little crazy. Thank you for your inspiration!
June 5, 2012 5:50 pm
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Ok so mine are long and I don’t have his written out so I won’t try and paraphrase from memory.
MINE: Your running joke is that you finagled me into dating you with your “game” and you pulled the ultimate hoax by getting me to marry you, but the truth is I am the one who truly lucked out. You love me in ways I have only dreamed of, we are creating a life and family I have always wanted.
I love you because you understand me, you accept me for who I am and love the “me” that I love- the good, the bad and the silly/I love you because you push me: to be wiser, to be stronger, to get better in everything /I love you because you have this drive that never allows you to give up /I love you because you tell me when Law and Order is on and you DVR it for me/I love you because you tell me I am beautiful every single day/I love you because of your kindness and your generosity and the ease with which you open your heart to everyone you meet/I love you because you are a protector; you build your walls around me so that I may lower my own/I love that my idea of home is wherever you are /I love you because I never had to compromise who I was to be who we are/I love you because you cook me gourmet meals on any random day of the week/I love you because you think I am so smart, just keep thinking that/I love you because you are happy doing just about anything and it makes me happy to do just about anything with you
I love just being with you
Today I promise to be your partner, in life, in love, in parenthood, in old age, and in everything that life has in store for us.
I promise that when the hills and valleys of life come that we will ride them out together, with a smile and hand by your side, we will take it one day at a time.
I promise that when I say the word family, I mean yours just as much as my own and the one we are creating here today.
I dream about our family, our children that will share our values, our love for learning, a passion for the good things in life & of course our good looks
I promise that this love will be held above all others
I promise to treasure this gift to my death
I promise you fidelity, forgiveness and friendship
I promise to always be open to hear you, and when I don’t understand to Listen until I do
I promise to remember what love is…to never be defined by it, but rather for us to define it for ourselves and for our lives and for our family
I can’t wait to live out my dreams with you
August 4, 2011 5:56 am
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I actually have tears streaming down my face right now, though I had a huge smile the entire time. So, so beautiful!
July 16, 2012 1:07 am
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We decided to write our own vows, and our officiant was amazing- giving us all kinds of lovely ideas and material to choose from. We took bits and pieces from her file of vows/poems/readings but tried to make it our own. We both receited the following ring exchange after our personal vows.
Officiant was http://www.interfaith-ceremonies.net/, if you’re in the NYC-tri state area (or Santa Fe NM vicinities). She was simply wonderful.
With this ring, I join my life– all that I have, all that I am, with yours .
Here are my vows to my husband
I love what I know of you, and have the faith to trust what I do not yet know.
I know you fill my heart with hope and joy. You make me laugh (often), laugh with me (and at me- probably more often), encourage my dreams (both the mundane and outrageous ones) and fill my head with lots and lots of baseball statistics… more than I ever knew was possible! But best of all- I know, you offer me a kindness and security, I didn’t know existed. One I didn’t know was possible. A kind I didn’t know I needed. I’ve feel like I’ve found my way home with you- you are my home.
For these, and a hundred thousand other reasons that are too hard to say— I love you.
Today, here in front of our closest friends and family— I promise to stand by you, encourage you, dream, laugh and cry with you when times are good and not so good. I promise to make you a priority in my life, to be patient (warning- it’s a relative scale!) and kind. I promise to never take your love for granted and devote the energy and effort it takes, to keep it honest, true and real.
My hope, is to spend the rest of my days – hearing your thoughts, embraced in your arms, feeling your warmth, and planning the greatest adventures of our lives- this marriage and the family we create together (those here with us today, and the kiddies and dogs to come).
You know, I don’t believe in soul mates. I never have, and probably never will. Instead I believe… in making choices, and working at the those choices. Today I choose you. I choose you to be my partner, my husband, and my family. I choose you today, and will continue to choose you every day.
Enjoy!
August 4, 2011 5:58 am
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“You know, I don’t believe in soul mates. I never have, and probably never will. Instead I believe… in making choices, and working at the those choices. Today I choose you. I choose you to be my partner, my husband, and my family. I choose you today, and will continue to choose you every day.”
Wow. That’s beautiful. Very similar to our vows.
Reminds me of the lyrics of The Winds by Danny Schmidt.
Do you take this man forever?
I don’t know about forever, but I’ll take him everyday.
Do you take girl to be your wife?
Do I take this girl to be my wife? No, but I take her for herself.
August 4, 2011 7:30 am
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His:
I love that you are fun and silly and fill my life with wild emotions
every day.
I can’t wait to see what else you have to show me; to tag along on all
your crazy adventures; to make you love me a little bit more the next
year than you did the year before.
I promise to always do my best to keep you happy, healthy and smiling,
no matter what happens. I love you.
Hers:
I love that you can always cheer me up and make me smile; that you
still try so hard to impress me and that you have never given me
anything but encouragement in everything that I do.
I look forward to playing with you at the beach, to dancing with you
in our kitchen and to brining you along on all of my crazy adventures.
I promise to always do my best to keep you happy, healthy and smiling,
no matter what happens. I love you.
August 4, 2011 6:00 am
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We cobbled ours together from a few random internet sources (including a PHOTO of someone’s vows written out on a photographer’s website) and our own creativity.
I, Lauren/Jeff, take you, Jeff/Lauren, to be my husband/wife. To love you unconditionally and without hesitation, for it is your heart that moves me, your spirit that inspires me, your humor that delights me, and your hands that I want to hold for all of our days. I promise to laugh with you in good times and to struggle along side you in bad times;. I promise to do what I can to stay healthy in body and mind so that I may age gracefully by your side. I will share with you my hopes and dreams for our future, and I will support you in yours. I promise to love, respect, and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone.
RMR: What do you bring as a symbol of the vows you have exchanged?
We bring rings.
Blessing of the rings:
Lauren, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vows. All that I have I will share with you.
Jeff, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vows. All that I have I will share with you.
August 4, 2011 6:02 am
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I did the exact same thing…I had to enlarge that puppy to read it! Funny! Yours are beautifully written though:)
August 4, 2011 6:10 am
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Rasheeda- seriously? That makes me not feel so guilty about it- thank you!! :)
August 4, 2011 9:24 am
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“and give you the best of myself, for I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone”.
LOVE this part! Might have to *borrow* it, if that’s ok :)
August 4, 2011 9:42 am
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Do it! That’s the point! :)
August 4, 2011 10:14 am
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Today I, _____ give myself to you _______ in marriage;
All I have, I offer to you and all you give, I gladly receive;
I will inspire you to dream and support you in those dreams as if they were my own;
I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow;
I will love you when life seems easy and when it seems hard;
Wherever you go we will go together, I will be the companion of all your days;
These things I give to you today.
We also did a load of reading and ended up in a rainy 2 man tent with massive wodges of paper and highlighters Frankensteining a ceremony together from loads of print outs. These are the vows we said. I can post some of the rest of it too if anyone is interested, but it is LONG for a blog comment.
August 4, 2011 6:04 am
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Does anyone have any experience or opinions about whether or not to share your vows with your future spouse before the wedding? I’m teary by nature (and am NOT a cute crier) and would like us to write our own vows, but I’m worried that I’ll cry and not get through them. One thought I had was that if we had our own moment, maybe the night before, to share our vows with each other, I could get the crying out and then the next day just bask in the sweetness of the words. I’m worried that would ruin the specialness of the vows in the ceremony though. Did anyone try anything like that?
August 4, 2011 6:06 am
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We wrote ours together (while not exactly the same, they followed the same formula). I promise that knowing what he was going to say ahead of time did not tarnish nor diminish their specialness when he said them to me during the ceremony.
August 4, 2011 6:15 am
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It’s okay to cry. My maid of honor had kleenex stashed with her. One of the most endearing parts of the ceremony was when I thought I was done with the kleenex, started to hand it back to her, and realized I wasn’t done and took it back. Everybody laughed. It added some levity.
And I might not count on getting out all the cry the night before. Rereading our vows to post, I got a little teary.
August 4, 2011 6:20 am
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Yes! Even if you know EXACTLY what is going to happen, EXACTLY what is going to be said… if you’re a crier (I am), you will probably cry. Like Erin, I had a moment in the ceremony where my parents were feeding me Kleenex from the front pew periodically. I had to turn around and sniffle/giggle (sniggle?) “I need another tissue!” Every chuckled, my husband beamed, and it didn’t matter in the least.
This mascara was a champion: http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P46017
August 4, 2011 6:24 am
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We didn’t write our own – so I knew what would be said. & I still BAWLED LIKE A BABY. My MOH forgot her tissues, so my uncle had to run them up to me :p
August 4, 2011 6:29 am
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I still get teary when I read the text of our ketubah, which functioned as our vows, and we’ve been married for a year. Which isn’t to discourage you from sharing the vows, but really, there’s nothing wrong with tears during the ceremony.
August 4, 2011 6:36 am
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This isn’t exactly the same but we were trying to memorize ours and we kept repeating them to each other during our photo shoot (before the ceremony). That time alone with him, saying our vows back and forth, is one of my most precious memories of the wedding.
August 4, 2011 6:42 am
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If you’re worried about crying, definitely say them out loud a few times before the ceremony, either with or without him. I went into the bathroom a few times in the day or two before and just said them out loud. Got a lot of the tears out that way, and when it was time to do it for real I knew I could do it because I’d done it already. If that makes sense.
August 4, 2011 8:21 am
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I wanted to wait until the day of to hear my husband’s vows, but he was nervous about his writing (I am a writer) and whether they would stack up to mine, so I agreed that we should share them beforehand so he would feel more comfortable. I bawled the first time he read his to me, and it absolutely did NOT take anything away from the day of. Nothing can compare to having all those people there to support you – everything feels different. And I only cried a little :)
August 4, 2011 11:09 am
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We pieced together our vows (& most of our ceremony) from various sources online.
Vows:
I ___ take you ___ to be my wife/husband
I promise above all else to live in truth with you
& to communicate fully & fearlessly
I give you my hand & my heart
as a sanctuary of warmth & peace
& pledge my love, devotion, faith & honor
as I join my life to yours.
Ring exchange:
(Officiant) “This is the point in the ceremony when I usually talk about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, having no beginning & no end. But we all know that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees. Hot metal is poured into a mold, cooled, & then painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements. Love is like that. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It’s the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.”
___, I give you this ring, that you may wear it as a symbol of the vows we have made this day. With all that I am I honor you.
(Officiant) Now may those who wear these rings live in love all their days.
Reading 1, from Rilke’s “Letters to a Young Poet”:
It is also good to love: because love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent — ?), it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him and calls him to vast distances.
Reading 2, e.e. cummings:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Various quotes we used throughout the ceremony:
Kahlil Gibran, “The Prophet”: “When you love you should not say, ‘God is in my heart,’ but rather, ‘I am in the heart of God.’ ”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “Love does not consist of gazing at each other but of looking together in the same direction.”
Hafiz of Shiraz, “The Gift”: “Even after all this time / the sun never says to the Earth, / ‘You owe me.’ // Look what happens / with a love like that, / It lights the whole sky.”
Ram Dass, “Grist for the Mill”: “In India, when we meet & part we often say ‘Namaste,’ which means I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace. I honor the place within you. Where if you are in that place in you & I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.”
August 4, 2011 6:07 am
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I’m so happy you posted this, because I read this ring ceremony text *somewhere* months ago, decided I wanted to use it, but didn’t bookmark it, and have been searching for it ever since. I think it’s so beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
August 4, 2011 7:38 am
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Oh, hooray! The words really spoke to me, too. I’m glad I could be helpful : )
August 4, 2011 7:45 am
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We’re also doing our readings from The Prophet & The Little Prince, so naturally I love your quotes.
August 4, 2011 8:11 am
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Oh, wow. Sounds like your ceremony will be beautiful.
August 4, 2011 8:41 am
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Ha! We used the SAME ring ceremony! :)
August 4, 2011 8:11 am
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Awesome : )
August 4, 2011 8:42 am
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I’m using the “i carry your heart” poem too. My sister and I are really close and saw it used in a wedding in a movie about sisters (In Her Shoes) and have loved the poem ever since. So she’ll be reading it during our ceremony. Can’t wait. ♥
August 7, 2011 7:06 pm
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We got married in the Catholic church, so our vows were very traditional. But we also wanted to include something chosen by us, so at a point in the mass where we had the option of including a “prayer of the couple,” we recited this e.e. cummings poem:
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
August 4, 2011 6:07 am
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Going anonymous for this, but I just want to put this out there in case anyone going with a traditional ceremony is worried about how “personal” it will feel. My husband and I chose to have an Episcopal service. Saying the same vows our parents and grandparents have said meant a great deal to us. We’re also private people when it comes to our relationship, and I felt sick to my stomach at the prospect of writing our own vows. So we spent a long time with the Book of Common Prayer, thinking about the words, the prayers, and we chose readings that spoke to us deeply. I believed the service to be beautiful, but all in all, I wasn’t expecting any surprises.
But from the moment I entered the church to the moment we left, I shook like a leaf. We were both moved, quite unexpectedly, to tears. The weight of saying those words, of doing so in a church in front of our dearest family and friends, was more meaningful than I could have ever anticipated.
What I mean to say is this: Don’t choose traditional vows just because you feel obligated to, and if you think they’re boring, or not reflective of you as a couple, there are ENDLESS other options. But if you are going this route, don’t worry about the service being “boring” or “cookie cutter.” I was deeply shaken and moved (in the best possible way) by our wedding ceremony, and will cherish those memories forever.
The Episcopal vows, in case anyone is curious, read:
In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
Followed later by:
N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit ( or in the Name of God).
August 4, 2011 6:17 am
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I said the same vows! I was expecting to be moved to tears but rather was overcome by this feeling of complete serenity. It was amazing and one of the things I remember most from our day.
August 4, 2011 7:01 am
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Couldn’t agree more.
August 4, 2011 10:17 am
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Ooo. I wish we’d ended with “This is my solemn vow.” Our vows were rather solemn, but written by us. Something to really formalize it might’ve given it that sense of history, of official-ness.
Thanks for posting!
August 4, 2011 1:09 pm
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Our vows were quite personal, so I don’t know how helpful they might be to those writing theirs, but I was kind of really proud of mine.
I have always wanted to marry you. And for anyone who knew you back when we first met, it’s not hard to understand why. Between the Elvis side burns and the “monster truck”, it’s no wonder you were the perfect fit for a special, sequin-loving girl like me.
The thing is though, somewhere along the road you went from being the man I wanted to marry and you became my family. And the greatest part about family is, just like in the Velveteen Rabbit, it’s not about the bells and whistles (or sequins and sparkles in my case). Because you love who I am underneath all that, with you, I can just be real.
So with that,
I promise to always be real with you, up front and honest. Even when it would be easier to fake it.
I promise to laugh at your jokes. Not because I’ll be your wife and it’s the nice thing to do, but because I will always think that you are the funniest boy that I know.
And finally, I promise that you will always be my family. You are part of who I am, and that can’t ever be undone.
I love you. And I’m so happy that we made it here.
August 4, 2011 6:17 am
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Gah, Maddie. Thanks for making me cry this morning. Those are AWESOME.
August 4, 2011 7:11 am
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You’re welcome. :) We can cry together, because all these vows have me WEEPY.
August 4, 2011 7:27 am
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Ditto. Eesh! I should be getting tomorrow’s blog post together – but I can’t stop reading this vows! I especially love reading those of people I know!!!! :) Love these. :)
August 4, 2011 5:27 pm
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Oh my gosh, those are amazing. I love the way you talk about transitioning from wanting to marry him to knowing he was family. I knew it was time to get serious about marrying my partner when we were traveling abroad and I couldn’t check the “family” box on the customs form. For some reason, that really upset me… Of course, that was about 2 years ago and we spent some real time talking about what family means… Anyway, this is all to say that I love these. They’re amazing. I may unabashedly crib from them when it’s time to write our vows.
August 4, 2011 9:06 am
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Crib away, sister. And thank you for the lovely compliments. :)
August 4, 2011 8:12 pm
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“And finally, I promise that you will always be my family. You are part of who I am, and that can’t ever be undone.
I love you. And I’m so happy that we made it here.”
BAWLING AT MY DESK! :)
August 11, 2011 12:21 pm
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Mine: I, Erin, take you, Brandon, to be my husband. I feel at home with you in a way that I’ve never felt with anyone else. You are kind, thoughtful, funny, and brilliant. You always acquiesce to my constant demands for hugs, and smirk at my weird Peewee Herman noises in the kitchen and other assorted weirdness. So you’re very accepting of me, too. You always find ways to let me know how important I am to you, and that makes me feel stronger and more able to conquer the world each day. I know that you appreciate me and what I contribute to our relationship. You have supported my dreams and goals and whims at every step of the way; when I say Fort Night or rainbow cake or water park or business school, you say, “let’s make it happen”. I am thrilled to live the rest of my life with you because I know we will laugh together a lot. You have helped me grow in my intellectual and emotional development, and I thank you for the role you have played in that.
As a foundation for our future together, I promise to love you on your best day and I promise to love you even more on your worst day. I will do what I can to stay healthy in body and mind so that I may age gracefully by your side. I will share with you my hopes and dreams for our future, and I will support you in yours. I will be truthful and never withholding, so you have no reason to doubt the sincerity of my vows. I promise to love, respect, and trust you, and give you the best of myself. I vow to work with you to build a life for us that is happy and abundant. I promise to take care of your heart because you’ve captured my heart, and each day I love you more.
Brandon: I, Brandon, take you Erin to be my wife, my partner, and my best friend. I promise to support you in your life and your career and your hopes and dreams, wherever those might take you. I will stand by you in our many successes and our rare failures. I will be there with you in sickness– although physicians are discouraged from directly providing medical care to their own loved ones–and I will celebrate with you in health. I promise to grow old with you and be honest and loyal for all our years. I promise that when we have children, despite your fears to the contrary, I will try to share the burden of being the disciplinarian. I will love you while we’re poor and then someday when we’re not, and I know you feel likewise, but all the same I also promise that I’m done extending my fellowship and that I will actually make some money someday. And I promise that we will never own another American Eskimo dog.
August 4, 2011 6:17 am
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I unabashedly stole our vows from The Kn*t. Hey, they were good for something (plus a pretty rockin’ guest list counter).
Frau Ava (circa 1160), translated by Willis Barnstone
Groom
In your eyes, I have found my home.
In your heart, I have found my love.
In your soul, I have found my mate.
With you, I am whole, full, alive.
You make me laugh. You let me cry.
You are my breath, my every heartbeat.
I am yours.
You are mine.
Of this we are certain.
You are lodged in my heart.
The small key is lost.
You must stay there forever.
Bride
You are my inspiration and my soul’s fire.
You are the magic of my days.
You help me laugh, you teach me love.
You provide a safe place for me, unlike I’ve ever known.
You free me to sing my own song.
You are more of an amazement to me, each day I rediscover you.
You are my greatest boon.
I am yours.
You are mine.
Of this we are certain.
You are lodged in my heart.
The small key is lost.
You must stay there forever.
For the ring ceremony, we put together a mash of things we found:
MINISTER:
This is the point in the ceremony where we usually talk about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, with no beginning and no end. But we all know that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees, then molded, cooled, and painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements.
Love is like that. It’s hot, dirty work. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It’s the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.
These two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever they go – may they always return to one another. May these two find in each other the love for which all men and women year. May they grow in understanding and in compassion.
MINISTER TO GROOM:
Adam, in placing this ring on Melissa’s finger, repeat after me: Melissa, I
give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity
and with this ring, I thee wed.
MINISTER TO BRIDE:
Melissa, in placing this ring on Adam’s finger, repeat after me: Adam, I
give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity
and with this ring, I thee wed.
They were pretty awesome.
August 4, 2011 6:24 am
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Really like this interpretation of ring symbolism!
August 4, 2011 6:53 am
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We did, too! Adam is an engineer, so he really loved it.
Our ceremony was the bomb. I picked up two readings from APW, we had polish & czech blessings for our heritages & an Irish Wine Ceremony (so it was called, anyway) to boot. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Thank goodness I have the actual script. I was in such a daze, most of it didn’t settle on me until the vows.
August 4, 2011 6:56 am
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Irish Wine Ceremony? Do tell!
August 4, 2011 7:47 am
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This is what we used. The blessings that followed were a combination of Polish & Czech/Irish blessings.
Loving Cup Ceremony – Irish Ceremony & Blessing.
“And now please drink to the love you’ve shared in the past.” (The couple sip from the cup) “Drink to your love in the present, on this your wedding day.” (The couple sip from the cup) “And drink to your love in the future and forever more.” (The couple sip from the cup)
May your faith be as enduring as God’s love. Your spirit as valiant as your heritage. May your hand be as sure as a friend. Your dreams as hopeful as a child. May your soul be as brave as your people, and may you be blessed
May the road rise to meet you May the wind be always at your back May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on, May blue be the skies above you, May pure be the joys that surround you, May true be the hearts that love you.
May God be with you and bless you; May you see your children’s children. May you be poor in misfortune, Rich in blessings, May you know nothing but happiness From this day forward.
August 4, 2011 8:03 am
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We live in a little mining community (although neither of us are miners) so I really really like this!
Any hints on altering this (or any other ring ceremony) to just have ONE ring? Forrest doesn’t want to wear a ring so it’ll just be me.
August 4, 2011 7:58 am
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I think you can keep this as is just fine with one ring:
This is the point in the ceremony where we usually talk about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, with no beginning and no end. But we all know that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees, then molded, cooled, and painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements.
Love is like that. It’s hot, dirty work. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It’s the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.
These two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever they go – may they always return to one another. May these two find in each other the love for which all men and women year. May they grow in understanding and in compassion.
August 4, 2011 8:05 am
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Hi there…would you mind sharing your Polish and Czech blessings? I am an officiant and am always searching for special blessings. Thank you :)
October 7, 2012 9:26 am
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My husband and I wrote our own vows. I wrote mine by making a list of things I thought were vital to the success of a marriage, and then promising to do those things. He wrote his by panicking for six months, begging for a look at mine at the last minute, and then blowing me out of the water with an oration in which he quoted Abraham Lincoln.
Mine:
Frog of my heart, I’ve never been happier than I have since I met you. Our relationship is strong, built on communication, trust, love, and silliness. We have created, and are creating, a life together.
Because of that, I promise that no matter what the circumstances, no matter how bad or how good things may be, I will communicate and trust. I will fight for our relationship when I need to, and I will never try to hurt you just because I am angry. I will always work to be worthy of your love, and I will accept that neither of us is perfect. I won’t promise to laugh at all of your jokes or to like it when you play the accordion, but I do promise I won’t really mean it when I roll my eyes and sigh. Most importantly, I will love you unconditionally, and show you that I do.
You are my best friend, my shelter in hard times, the voice of reason at 3am, and, starting today, my husband. I love you, and I hope we get to share this life for a hundred years.
His:
Erin, I believe that the key to a successful, sustainable partnership is a kind of selflessness. Not the unhealthy stifling of one’s personality in favor of another’s, but the fusion of two individuals into a new union far beyond the achievements of simple addition.
I do not vow to create this union today. It is not possible to create that which has existed for so long already. I vow instead to sustain this union, fighting for it when the need arises, and all the while developing it far beyond what was initially thought possible.
To this end, I vow to forever be your anchor when you are lost in the storm, holding you steady until we can find our way home. When I am weak, you are strong. So should you feel weak, I will be your strength. At all times you will know my mind because you are always in my thoughts. If I am your voice of reason at 3am, you are mine at all other times. You, Erin, are the better angel of my nature.
Throughout history there have been many great men with accomplishments both good and far-reaching. Though I have long envied and admired them, I have come to realize that I would count myself as their equal, or even their better, if my only achievement in this life was to make you happy.
(See? Blown out of the water!)
August 4, 2011 6:30 am
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I think my jaw would be dropping ;)
August 4, 2011 6:57 am
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I was shocked. I just couldn’t believe that after all his worry about not writing good vows, this was what he came up with!
August 4, 2011 7:18 am
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Wow…just WOW!
August 4, 2011 7:34 am
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Well, I’m bawling at my desk. That was amazing.
August 4, 2011 12:26 pm
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Can he help my honey with his vows? Gawd!!
August 4, 2011 3:50 pm
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Oh my goodness. I’m just floored. Would it be OK to use your husband’s vows as the basis for our? It’s just…perfect… for so many reasons. But only if it is OK with you!
August 11, 2011 12:39 pm
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I’m like a year late to this thread, but your husband’s vows are perfect. They are so perfect. I’m literally crying at my desk. You are the luckiest lady.
May 21, 2012 7:09 pm
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Love this! I’m so excited to add my vows to this thread.
Do you R take K to be your friend, your lover and your wife, to stand with her, in sickness and in health, in joy and sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to respect and to support her in all that she does?
I do
Do you K, take R to be your friend, your lover and your husband, to stand with him, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to respect and to support him in all that he does?
I do
Please face each other, and join hands. In this simple act of holding hands today, and in countless times to come, I want you to always remember that:
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of life, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no others can.
These are the hands that will hold you tight when you encounter fear or grief.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will raise your children, and guide them into the world.
These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to go after your dreams.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you.
And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
May I have the rings please?
R, place the ring on K’s finger, and repeat after me:
I, R, promise to love and cherish you K.
To give you strength,
to help you in good times and in bad.
To respect our individuality,
to make our home one of love and understanding.
I will honor your goals and dreams, and help you to realize them.
I promise to be faithful to you,
giving you all of myself,
all of my tomorrows,
all of my life.
K, as you place this ring on R’s hand, please repeat after me:
I, K, promise to love and cherish you R.
To give you strength,
to help you in good times and in bad.
To respect our individuality,
to make our home one of love and understanding.
I will honor your goals and dreams, and help you to realize them.
I promise to be faithful to you,
giving you all of myself,
all of my tomorrows,
all of my life.
There was a bit more to the ceremony than this, but not much. The whole thing took about 10 minutes! It was perfect!
August 4, 2011 6:36 am
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My best friend just did “these are the hands” at her wedding. So many tears.
August 4, 2011 12:03 pm
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This is an awesome love/sob fest today! Love how APW can always get me!
August 4, 2011 6:37 am
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We used the traditional Lutheran vows, so I’m only writing to say what a lovely, lovely collection of words this will be! You are all blowing my mind with your poetry.
August 4, 2011 6:42 am
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Yiiiikes. I have to stop reading now, or I’m going to be sobbing at work instead of just tearing up. You are all so beautiful. Thanks for sharing your beautiful words. (I’ll post ours later, but they’re on my computer at home!)
August 4, 2011 6:44 am
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The vows feel weirdly too personal to share, even anonymously, but when we exchanged rings, we recited to each other this little bit from Walt Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road” (and the other person answered the questions). Having Whitman in our ceremony filled my heart with joy:
I give you my hand!
I give you my love, more precious than money
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
August 4, 2011 6:49 am
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I love this! There’s nothing like Whitman’s exuberance for a wedding. This is really lovely.
August 4, 2011 7:18 am
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we used Whitman too, my grandmother was named Walta after Walt Whitman (her parents had been good friends with his long term lover)…
We read an excerpt from ‘Sea Drift’:
When the lilac-scent was in the air and Fifth-month grass was growing,
Up this seashore in some briers,
Two feather’d guests from Alabama, two together,
And their nest, and four light-green eggs spotted with brown,
And every day the he-bird to and fro near at hand,
And every day the she-bird crouch’d on her nest, silent, with bright eyes,
And every day I, a curious boy, never too close, never disturbing them,
Cautiously peering, absorbing, translating
Shine! shine! shine!
Pour down your warmth, great sun!
While we bask, we two together.
Two together!
Winds blow south, or winds blow north,
Day come white, or night come black,
Home, or rivers and mountains from home,
Singing all time, minding no time,
While we two keep together
August 4, 2011 10:05 am
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We also cobbled together ours from lots of internet inspiration (primarily, I think, the repository on indiebride):
Officiant: In your private talks, you have already made promises of love to each other, but the vows that you are about to exchange are more than just romantic words. If you are able to keep the vows you take here today out of a desire to love and be loved by your spouse fully, without limitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish will be a place in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom, and your responsibility. These vows are your gifts of yourselves and of your lives, and we all stand together as witnesses.
Hubster: In the presence of God and these our friends and family, I, Hubster, do take you, NW, to be the wife of my days, the companion of my house, the friend of my life, and the mother of our children.
I choose you to be my partner and I pledge to you my faithful love and devotion. I will honor and cherish you for the rest of my life.
With these words, I marry you and bind my life to yours.
[Then, I repeated the mirror image of his.]
August 4, 2011 6:50 am
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Our vows were cobbled together from things we found online:
I, _______, choose you, ________,
To be no other than yourself,
Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know.
With this ring, I give you my promise
That from this day forward
We shall be as one.
May my arms be your shelter
May we walk together through all things
May you feel deeply loved, for indeed you are.
I will always try to be worthy of your love and respect
With this ring, I give you my heart
I have no greater gift to give.
We had a ring warming, two readings (i thank You, god, for this day by ee cummings; Falling in love is like owning a dog by Taylor Mali and a family/friend affirmation section.
August 4, 2011 6:52 am
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just went and ready Falling In Love is Liek Owning a Dog… absolutely love it!
August 4, 2011 1:38 pm
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My husband’s vows were simple. He had just spent the day cooking the food for our wedding, so he said something like “I didn’t have time to write something long and elaborate, but what I want to say is simple: Aline, I love you. I will always love you and take care of you.”
Mine, I had written beforehand and read from a little notebook:
“We were already independent adults when we met. Your companionship, intelligence and sense of humor have made life more interesting and pleasurable. We’ve shared time and interests, values and dreams. You taught me of a love I never knew existed. You supported me in difficult times and through important decisions and life changes. More than 3 years ago, we decided to share a home and our lives; and now we share more than dreams: now we have a reality together. Today, I declare my intention of continuing this journey with you. Let’s dream and accomplish together; let’s make up new dreams. Together we will make decisions and face changes. I promise to talk with you about everything and share responsibilities, hardships and joy. I gladly accept the challenge of trying to understand you and of being by your side through all the steps of our lives. Adriano, I love you”
It was important to us that the vows were very personal and that the wedding was a celebration of an existing relationship that, in practice, wouldn’t be changing that much (although being married has had great emotional importance).
August 4, 2011 6:58 am
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Ours were cobbled together from a couple different places, if I recall, and for us they were surprisingly traditional.
With all my love, I take you to be my life-long partner.
I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow.
I will share in your dreams, and support you as you strive to achieve your goals.
I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement.
I will remain faithful to our vows for better or worse, in times of sickness and health.
You are my best friend, and I will love and respect you always.
We also had a part where we asked our community to support us in our marriage, and had everyone respond. That was really awesome. I highly recommend giving your guests a part in the ceremony. It meant a lot to us.
August 4, 2011 7:09 am
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Yeah, we did this too. It was surprisingly awesome to hear everyone say, “We DO!” when they were asked to state their support for us.
August 4, 2011 7:17 am
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We also had a community vow and I loved hearing out families and friends promise to love us and support us in our marriage…
August 4, 2011 7:49 am
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Us too, it’s really traditional in English weddings and since we had basically nothing else as a nod to S’s upbringing…
August 4, 2011 10:10 am
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Ours were surprisingly traditional too… even more so than yours possibly (perhaps I’ll post at the bottom of this 200-some-comment post today! haha). These are beautiful…. I wish I’d thought to include the “we do” from the guests!! Shoot. Also… **crying** ah! This post!
August 4, 2011 5:30 pm
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I will be the nine-thousandth person in this thread to use the word “cobbled”. What a great word.
In any case, ours were cobbled together from a few sources on the internet. They went like this:
Officiant: Zanosaurus, repeat after me:
I, Zanosaurus do take you, Cowboy,/ To be the husband of my days the companion of my house / The friend of my life and the father of our children / We shall bear together whatever trouble and sorrow life may lay upon us / And we shall share together whatever good and joyful things life may bring us / With these words and all the words of my heart /
I marry you and bind my life to yours.
–
Also, in the interests of sharing, I put our entire ceremony up on the web (to reciprocate since that’s where I found pieces of our ceremony while I was writing it). If anyone has writer’s block feel free to peruse and use!
http://oversized-cliches.blogspot.com/2011/07/very-ceremonious.html
August 4, 2011 7:17 am
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I’ve told you before … when you posted on your site … but I do so love your vows. =)
August 4, 2011 7:43 am
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Aw thanks Miss Sarah!
August 4, 2011 7:50 am
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“With these words and all the words of my heart”… i love that.
August 4, 2011 11:25 am
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YES! We’re not the only ones who vowed to be the mother/father of our children! :) Yay. :) Love these Zan. :) xoxo.
August 4, 2011 5:31 pm
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We didn’t really… have vows during our ceremony? The only thing we said to each other was our ring exchange: “With this ring I commit myself to you as your friend, your beloved, your wife/husband.”
What we spent a LOT of time on was our ketubah wording, which was read out loud during our ceremony by our cantor, and displayed after the ceremony. That’s probably the closest thing to vows, even though we didn’t say them to each other.
Ketubah:
“We pledge to nurture, trust and respect each other throughout our married life together. We shall be open and honest, understanding and accepting, loving and forgiving, and loyal to one another.
We promise to work together to build a harmonious relationship of equality. We shall respect each other’s uniqueness and help one another grow to our fullest potential. We will comfort and support each other through life’s sorrows and joys.
Together, we shall create a home filled with learning, laughter and compassion, a home wherein we will honor each other’s traditions and values. Let us join hands to help build a world filled with peace and love.”
We also spent a ton of time on the English translation of the sheva brachot, which I honestly think of as vows even though they’re not worded that way. I could post what we decided on here if anyone’s interested, although they’re kinda long.
August 4, 2011 7:30 am
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We read the text of our ketubah during the ceremony to serve as our vows (we did the traditional wording for the ring exchange also), and I’m so glad we chose to do it that way. I’m not going to write out the whole text, but some of my favorite parts. “I promise to stand by you always, to be joy to your heart and food to your soul; to bring out the best in you and for you to be the most that I can be…” “And when we grow old may we walk together hand in hand, still feeling the sweetness of our devotion…” and my favorite which we read together (having split up the text so each of us read part of it) : “I give myself without reservation to our union and welcome you as my partner in life”.
For anyone trying to find a good translation of the Sheva Brachot, we used “The New Jewish Wedding” and used a combination of their suggested translations. For anyone trying to plan a Jewish wedding ceremony that isn’t completely traditional I highly recommend this book, it’s a wonderful resource blending the very traditional with more modern ideas for non-Orthodox Jews.
August 4, 2011 8:26 am
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Marina, I would love it if you would post your translation, I it
is one you came up with. There are some good ones in the new Jewish wedding, but trying to find something that speaks to religious/spiritual me and my atheist partner is challenging. I’d love to see your version.
August 4, 2011 9:05 am
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Well, we didn’t exactly come up with it from scratch, but we did cobble it together all ourselves. ;) We relied heavily on the New Jewish Wedding, which NF mentioned above, and also on about 8 different interpretations provided by our cantor.
Also, just in case anyone is wondering, these are no where near literal translations. There are probably many Jews who would be totally offended at just how liberally we interpreted the blessings. But I do honestly feel like we spent some serious time getting to the heart of what resonated for us within each blessing, and finding a wording that honored that.
1. Blessed is the creation of the wonder which is our world: the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, the forests and the fields. All are full of life.
2. Blessed is the creation of the human being.
3. Blessed is the design of the human being. We are composed of eternal elements, made of the essence of the universe. Growing in wisdom, we may become creators ourselves. Blessed is the creation of humanity.
4. Rejoice and be glad you who wandered homeless. In joy have you gathered with your sisters and your brothers. Blessed is the joy of our gathering. May the joyous hope of a better world inspire all people to work together for justice and for peace.
5. We surround this couple with our love. May they be for each other lovers and friends, and may their individual gifts help them to create new worlds together. Blessed be the joy of lovers.
6. Blessed is the creation of joy and celebration, gladness and jubilation, pleasure and delight, friendship and peace. Soon may we hear everywhere, in both cities and fields, voices of joy and gladness, of couples leaving their wedding canopies, and newlyweds enjoying their wedding feasts. Blessed is the joy of lovers, one with the other.
7. Before drinking from this cup of joy, we acknowledge that our cup is not quite full. We spill out drops of wine in the hope that someday all sacred unions will be fully recognized as legal marriages by the civil authorities, with all of the rights and benefits of marriage, and none of the discrimination that faces many committed partnerships including same sex couples today. As we raise this cup, we affirm the joy that is here: the gifts of this union, the blessings of this love and the delight of all who are gathered here to celebrate this simcha, this happy occasion.
August 4, 2011 8:16 pm
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This is a great thread–writing the ceremony was hard and it will be great for future couples to have more good references online.
This is what we did:
Charge
Officiant: In marriage, two people turn to each other in search of a greater fulfillment than either can achieve alone. Marriage is a bold step into an unknown future. It is risking who we are for the sake of who we can be.
Officiant: Do you, A1, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, freely choose now to speak the words that will unite yours and A2’s lives in marriage?
A1: I do
Officiant: Do you, A2, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, freely choose now to speak the words that will unite yours and A1’s lives in marriage?
A2: I do
Officiant: Today, A1 and A2 are surrounded by their closest family and friends. You form the community within which their marriage will grow and thrive.
So now, I ask all of you, here,
Will you support Alex and Anna in their marriage?
Everyone: We will!
Now, please face each other, join hands, and share your marriage vows.
Vows [we both used the same vows and memorized them)
I, A1, take you, A2, to be my wife/husband
I take you as you are, loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not yet know.
I promise to listen to you and learn from you, to support you and accept your support.
I will celebrate your triumphs and mourn your losses as though they were my own.
I will love you and have faith in your love for me, through all our years and in all that life may bring us.
August 4, 2011 7:30 am
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Our vows were pretty traditional … I pulled about 10 different versions (including out of the Lutheran hymnal) and we sat down and picked out the bits we liked. I think our final version was lovely:
I, (bride/groom), take you, (bride/groom), to be my wife/husband.
To have and to hold you, to treasure you and keep you.
I vow to honor you and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you,
and to love and cherish you always.
I promise you this from my heart, for all the days of my life.
Simple words. =)
August 4, 2011 7:37 am
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The last line of our like 6 line vows is the line that stays with me. David was so choked up he could barely say it, and I see to remember interrupting the pastor to say it all in a joyful rush. “I choose you on this day with all of my heart.”
August 4, 2011 7:39 am
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Completely off topic, well sort of, but that dress in the photo? WOW. Gimme. :)
August 4, 2011 7:42 am
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We’ve not written ours yet, we’ve just started talking about it this week (the wedding is in early October).
We’re having a civil partnership, so don’t legally have to say vows when we sign the register on the Saturday, but are having an event on the Sunday where we’ll say something, though we don’t really know what, yet. It’s quite hard having no structure or context to put vows into.
We originally, many months ago, started choosing some readings, but since the design of the event has changed I’m not sure if it will work for us to ask others to read, so perhaps we’ll read them ourselves?
All of that said, my partner hates being the centre of attention, and we’re quite private about our relationship, so it may be that we just do something very short and simple, I just don’t know…
August 4, 2011 7:51 am
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Ladies, Thank you ALL for sharing, it’s such an inspiration. (As a matter of fact, I had to start skimming because I was starting to sniffle at work…but I can’t wait to go back and read ALL of our wonderful ideas.)
And Lilly, thanks so much for reminding me of the Whitman poem. It’s buried in my wedding notes but as soon as I saw it I hardly needed the words to remember how much I love it.
August 4, 2011 8:04 am
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Cool. I just wrote mine the other morning! This thread is so great, although it definitely made me tear up reading everyone’s vows! I was nervous about writing mine so I sent them to my fiance to collaborate and I think they will work. :)
Here they are…
Kepa. I love you. You are my best friend and my favorite person ever.
Today I choose you to be my husband, the father of my future babies, my partner for life. I choose you to embark on this journey of marriage and on all my future adventures. I choose you because you are the one I want by my side whether I’m getting lost in a new city or just at home on the couch with a book. I choose you because you bring joy, happiness, comfort, and love to my life. I choose you because we make an awesome team.
I promise to be your best teammate and your biggest cheerleader. I promise to be there for you to encourage you, to comfort you, to stand by you in every situation. I promise to love you and support you in good times and bad, when we are together and when we are apart, when life is easy and when life is hard, when I’m happy and when I’m mad.
I promise to always hold you in the highest regard. I promise to cherish you, our love, and our relationship. I promise to put in the work to make these things always hold true. These things I give to you today and all the days of our life.
August 4, 2011 8:06 am
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We decided it was important that we both make the same vows to each other. We have them included in the marriage certificate we made for ourselves (eff legality!) which was signed by all our our guests/witnesses and now hangs in our living room. Here’s what they were:
JULIA:
Cindy, today I choose you to be my wife.
I accept you as you are, with all your faults and all your strengths;
And I offer myself, as I am, in return.
On this journey together, I pledge to you
that I will treat you as an equal partner;
that I will challenge you to reach your greatest potential;
and that I will care for you, stand beside you, and share with you
all of life’s adversities and all of its joys.
I promise to love, encourage, and respect you in all you do
from this day forward.
OFFICIANT:
Cindy, do you accept Julia’s promise and take her as your wife?
CINDY:
I do.
(And vice versa.)
August 4, 2011 8:15 am
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Love these!
August 5, 2011 8:35 am
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They’re on their honeymoon at the moment, but I’d just like to throw it out there that we recently photographed an APW wedding where the groom surprised everyone and SANG his mothereffing vows. I cried like a baby.
So, if you want to just utterly destroy everyone in attendance, pull an Adam Sandler and get your acoustic guitar.
August 4, 2011 8:18 am
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I, Patrick [middle-lastname]
Take you, Hayley[middle-lastname]
To be my lawfully wedded wife. . .
I promise to laugh with you in happiness, . . .
To comfort you in sorrow. . .
To conspire with you in mischief. . .
And to be a faithful and loving partner in sickness and in health…
Whatever life may bring us, . . . my trust, love, and friendship are yours.
I, Hayley [middle-lastname]
Take you Patrick [middle-lastname]
To be my lawfully wedded husband. . .
I promise to stand by you, . . .to trust you. . .
To face challenges with courage and humor. . .
And to be a faithful and loving partner in sickness and in health…
As we begin the next chapter. . . in our story together, . . . I pledge to you. . . my friendship, my heart, and my soul, . . . and know that they are safe.
*During the actual ceremony, our officiant LEFT OUT the “in sickness and in health” bit. We know we wrote them in there though, so even if we didn’t vow them in front of everyone, we meant it.
August 4, 2011 8:23 am
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Our vows were mostly traditional, but this part that our JP put in the ceremony still makes me tear up-
Trisha and A,
take each other’s hands in your own,
so that you may see the gift that they are to you.
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your lives.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, and console you when you are grieving.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that, even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
August 4, 2011 8:25 am
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Trisha!!! So beautiful… totally crying…
August 4, 2011 5:34 pm
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we were pretty traditional too, in our vows.
we said:
“I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.”
for the rings, we got a *bit* more creative, because it was really important for me to say that this was a CHOICE. we joined our lives because we wanted to, and just as wearing that rings is a choice to be made every day, staying married is also a choice to be made over and over again. :)
“I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my choice and promise to be with you for as long as I live.”
August 4, 2011 8:28 am
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I don’t want to share our vows, too private, but I do have a few tips:
1. If you’re keeping them secret, talk about a general idea of what you think the vows are supposed to DO, what the tone of the vows should be, approximate length. That way you don’t have one way short jokey vows and one long, heartfelt, blubbering vows. If you really need it, set up a general framework (“I promise” sentences, “I love you because” sentences, etc.)
2. I said this upthread, but practice saying them out loud beforehand. I am another one who is not into the memorizing thing, but I think just saying the words out loud is important. Plus it may help you craft what you want your vows to SOUND like. Words on paper are very different from words out loud.
3. While you are saying them: BREATHE. Take all the time you need to breathe. You only say your vows once, so don’t rush yourself. If you feel yourself getting choked up, pause, breathe, wait until you’re ready to continue. Trust me, it may seem like a lifetime while you compose yourself, but your guests (and your partner) are NOT bored.
4. Give your partner a copy when you get a chance (for us, when we got back to our room last night). That way you can talk about the specific words and really cement what those promises mean.
My husband and I are theatre people, we’ve acted, written and directed, but we still had a time with this. Because it’s not a performance. Don’t think of it like one, think of it as the most important words you’ve ever said, and you want to say them with your full voice and confidence behind them.
August 4, 2011 8:28 am
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We also had pretty traditional vows. We liked the idea of repeating the words generations of people before us had said.
My favorite part was after the pastor asked us if we took the other as spouse and promised to love, honor, cherish and protect, forsaking all others and holding only unto each other, all the days of our life, we each answered “With God’s help, I will”. We knew fulfilling those promises would be an on-going decision, not just something we did that day and that was it, and that we’d need help.
August 4, 2011 8:43 am
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Oh, all of these are beautiful to read. Y’all are all adorable.
My fiance and I thought about whether to write our own vows, because we’re both writers, but ultimately, we decided to use the Book of Common Prayer vows, which are very traditional. Besides the fact that we’re both Anglican anyway, there were three other main reasons for this:
1. I love that, after the bride and groom say, “We will,” the celebrant asks our guests if they vow to uphold us in our marriage, and they respond, “We will.” The whole community promises to have our backs, and we’ll need that.
2. The language is elegant and poetic. Whether you believe in the tenets of Christianity or not, you know pieces of the Book of Common Prayer, because it’s dramatically influenced the English language. (Kind of like how you don’t have to have ever studied Shakespeare to use phrases and words he invented.)
3. We have a built-in vow renewal every time we go to an Anglican or Episcopalian wedding.
August 4, 2011 8:45 am
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I adore the Book of Common Prayer wedding service. We ended up going with the traditional Presbyterian vows, but I don’t know a single person who doesn’t swoon a bit at the Book of Common Prayer’s ring exchange (“With this ring, I thee wed. With my body, I thee worship. With all my worldly goods I thee endow.” *happy sighs*)
August 4, 2011 10:03 am
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