Prev Next

Undergraduate: Wedding Planning With a Chronic Illness


As someone with serious chronic illness in her family, this post speaks worlds to me. But more than that, it speaks about the issues we’re all dealing with: accepting our own frailty, allowing our partners to love us because of it, not in spite of it, and learning to celebrate anyway. It is one of those posts that all of us have something to learn from, no matter how different our circumstances are. It’s deeply lovely and deeply true.

Undergraduate: Wedding Planning With a Chronic Illness | A Practical Wedding

This year, I got engaged to my long time boyfriend, C (short for Captain Professor Glitterbang, a nickname bestowed upon him by my best guy friend for no apparent reason). It has been a year of highs and lows: being given a four generation old diamond ring by his mother, suffering a mild traumatic brain injury that left me unable to return to work for seven months, getting engaged in my favorite childhood sculpture garden, experiencing major delays in recovery due to my underlying chronic illness, canceling a family engagement party when I ended up in the hospital for two nights, and finally, in October, returning to work and many conversations with our families to plan a wedding.

All the divorced women in my life tell me to enjoy every blissful moment of our engagement, as they did theirs with their ex-husbands. This not only makes me worry about their mental health, but also makes me a little crazy. I’m having a hard time here admitting that this is hard, but being sick and injured and planning a wedding can sometimes suck. Okay? We all know that planning a wedding can be challenging at times anyway, even with as lovely and patient and one-special-snowflake as we all are, but combined with the unemployment settled comfortably in our cozy apartment, my divorced parents’ bickering, and the fears plaguing me late at night about being too sick to stand up through my whole wedding, this has been a mixed bag.

It doesn’t help that deep down, I want to marry C, but I don’t want this life for him. He does all the laundry, the grocery shopping, and the dishes. He takes care of me. And I keep telling people it’s because I’m post-concussive, but, really, it has always been this way, because my energy is circumscribed by my illness and he fills in the gaps mostly uncomplainingly.

My health has caused hiccups before, causing deans to tell me to take leaves of absence from college, alienating many people close to me, and limiting the amount of travel I can do for my very travel-intensive job. And while I finished school on time, rock my job when I’m well enough to, and find friends who can deal with my health, I still wait for it to alienate C and limit our relationship. But that moment never comes. I’m incredibly lucky, I know, that it hasn’t and that he accepts our life for what it is enough to want to marry me. Except that I don’t want him to accept how I am. I want him to love just the best me, because I don’t want to have to accept what I am at my worst.

I wanted us to spend this year enjoying the planning, enjoying the joy, not holding hands in doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. To make a wedding happen, though, and to have a marriage, I have to get past that. I have to come to terms with the fact that he’s a grown-ass man who is making his own decision, and his decision is to be there with me for this. For our life together, even if I want a life for him that’s better than sleeping on wooden chairs next to a hospital bed before age thirty.

I’m realizing, as I write this, actually, that maybe part of the reason I’m marrying him is because he can accept what I can’t about me, that while I can only sometimes see being sick as just one small part of me, he always can put it in perspective. He knows that it’s okay to put aside dress shopping until I recover from the MTBI, even if that means I only have the timeline for a preowned wedding dress when I want a new one. He thinks that hiring Ang of LowBrow Events to day-of coordinate our wedding, even if she’ll spend most of it just making sure I have water and medication, is totally and completely worth it. He doesn’t let the “shoulds” of engagement get to him, which is admirable enough for anyone to learn from, I suppose.

I’m not sure I have a lesson here, or a great story to tell. But writing this has made me realize what APW is always saying is true for me. The day I marry C, we’re going to be who we’ve always been. Our relationship will be what it always was, and if that means I have to take a break instead of a first dance, or if I just couldn’t spare the energy to make decisions about flowers and fairy lights and groomsmen’s suits, then eff that. We’re planning a wedding and I’m sick; we’re getting married and I’m sick; we love each other and hey, look, I’m probably still sick! And that is fine. It’s more than fine, actually, it’s amazing—not weak, not shameful, not something to be hidden or pretended away on this joyful day of our lives. Isn’t that what marrying each other is about? Not pretending any of this away. Letting my partner love me for all the wonderful, unfortunate, less than glossy-magazine-perfect things I am, and pledging to do the same, come hell or high water, whoever’s illness it may one day be.

I still want to be able to stand up through my whole wedding day, though. I want to dance at midnight with my oldest friends and my sisters, and I want to force C to dance with me. I’ll work on letting that go, but I make no promises.

Photo: Personal

More in Recent Posts Staff Picks

[Read comment policy before commenting]

  • http://www.myhonestanswer.com my honest answer

    This is a really thoughtful article, and I’m really glad a wedding blog is talking about genuine issues, instead of publishing endless over-exposed pictures of wild flowers in mason jars. Best of luck with the wedding – I have no doubt that it will be the best day of your life, whether you stand for all of it, or sit down for some of it. Kind of like marriage really – you can’t take it all at full speed ahead. Good luck also with your recovery.

  • Awb

    Oh you are brave sharing this!

    I’ve been I’ll for a very long time and it took me a long time to accept he was choosing this life.. That I didn’t ave to apologize for it. I still do of course but the guilt is not as heavy as it used to be

    I am trying to learn that I am not ME without the lessons I have learnt through illness…that maybe I would have been more selfish , less understanding and maybe not the girl for him

    Wedding planning has been painful.. I thought I would be well by snow.. That we would be financially independent and I would be able to help..I think the struggle of this time of letting of fantasy well me is hardest

    Like you guy, he just knows, he even knows my sick signals better than I do and what I need to pull through it, so I know I will get on that dance floor and Anne my heart out because if nothing else I want that and I want to celebrate this man who has stood by me with so much, crushing his own dreams and instead settling for new ones…by. Choice

  • http://sparrowgrey.blogspot.com/ sparrowgrey

    A really brave and honest post; we need more posts like this one! Talking about chronic illness can be so hard, especially in the midst of wedding planning that I think a lot of people shy away from this type of conversation. Well done and best of luck to you!

  • missgolightly

    Thank you so much for writing this. I know we always find a bit of ourselves in the posts that resonate the most, but yours really hit home for me. I’m going to the doctor this month to try to find out what’s going on, but we’ve been living with it for quite some time now. In the meantime, my spouse has taken on all the dishes and laundry – and if I’m really honest, he ends up doing more than his share on the cleaning too. Anytime something is exhausting, it hits me ten times harder. And while it causes him frustration to not know what it is yet, he his always selfless and giving. What amazing partners we have.

  • E

    This is an incredible post…and although I can’t imagine what day-to-day life is for you with your illness, I can tell you that the ideas you speak about – about wanting to marry someone, but wanting a better life for them, about not understanding how someone could love your worst self – a LOT of people will relate to that, including myself! I suffer from anxiety and depression, which is more or less a chronic illness (although I don’t mean to imply that it is the same as what you are struggling with – it is a totally and completely different thing) and I am still living with some emotional repercussions from a sexual assault (despite it being about three years ago, now). I married my husband recently, and I am often plagued by thoughts about how much happier he would be if he could have a “flawless” version of me.

    Unfortunately, as I’m sure you know, these thoughts are fairly unproductive. When we face challenges, those challenges help shape us into the awesome, strong women we are – and that’s part of what our partners love about us, right? I was in a yoga class once where the phrase we were asked to meditate on was “the obstacle in the path IS the path”. I try to keep that in mind.

    Best of luck to you and thanks for sharing your story.

    E

    • Ceebee

      I myself was severely depressed for 4 years (2 years into our relationship) without understanding this as an illness. my partner and I did nothing, not knowing what to do. The worst part is my words and actions always came out opposite in this disorder. I need you came out as Get lost. I’d like to came out as Whatever. But he stuck through and did everything to get a smile and jig, even though all I only wanted was sleep and cry. I alienated and hurt him but he was trying to turn things around until he became broken himself, and left for self-preservation (and maybe doubt if I really wanted him out of my face). And that was the right thing to happen, as the void forced me to look into the mirror and say I am not me, I need to do something to get well. NOW.
      After I got well enough to talk, we did and understood this:
      As much as you may feel too sick to love, you may also be too in love to be sick. Yes you are, but you feel a lot better just by allowing yourself to be loved.
      The first step is accepting the illness as part of you (long term ones) or wall to climb over (recovering ones).
      Because your partner likely already has and rock it regardless.

  • Carbon Girl

    I loved your post. I sometimes wonder too when my super helpful and picks-up-all-the-slack partner will start resenting me for having to do more than his fair share sometimes. But then I realize that I have something to offer him. So when you get worried about the chore imbalance, just think about all the wonderful things (love, support, etc.) you DO bring to your relationship.

    • http://www.linseykitchens.com Linsey

      I concur. You bring something to the table.

      And this “And I keep telling people it’s because I’m post-concussive, but, really, it has always been this way” is one of the most honest, gutsy things I’ve read. Cause it takes a planet of courage to admit that we don’t live up to someone’s–or our own–standards. Thanks for reminding me to own up when I don’t, and to move forward without shame.

  • http://lezgethitched.blogspot.com Diana

    What a strong woman you are! It’s hard to just let them love us sometimes, isn’t it? I have similar feelings about my anxiety. (Why should she always have to talk me down? Doesn’t this get old for her? She’ll get sick of it eventually…)

    Sending you lots of strength and healing!

  • Katie

    Thank you so much for sharing. My brother has an ABI and planning the wedding, although mostly joyful, has had moments of much sadness as I try and problem solve how to make it easier for him to be there. It’s hard to let go of what it might have been like and focus on the what it is realistically going to look like. Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok. Best of luck in your recovery, and may the moments of bliss on your wedding day over shine any moments weren’t.

  • JT

    “Isn’t that what marrying each other is about? Not pretending any of this away. Letting my partner love me for all the wonderful, unfortunate, less than glossy-magazine-perfect things I am, and pledging to do the same, come hell or high water, whoever’s illness it may one day be.”

    This. Thank you for your honest post and for sharing your story. But especially thank you for this.

  • Laura Mc

    I am so glad that this dialogue is happening on APW. Living with a chronic illness myself, I noticed a lot of me in your post, especially with regards to wanting a better life for him. I keep thinking that one day he will say that he’s had enough. But I think you are right in that the key is to love and accept yourself and that your wedding might not end up looking like you wanted or expected it to, but that’s okay. It’ll be the wedding it’s meant to be and that will be just perfect.

  • http://www.libbyjames.com Libby James

    Such a strong woman you are. Incredible, even! Thank you for sharing such a powerful story. It will touch all those who read it!

    Congratulations on your engagement. May you and C have many many wonderful years together. He sounds like a remarkable man. You are a lucky lucky girl!

    Good Luck!

  • http://www.safarimama.blog.com Manya

    Meg, I see what you mean about this post resonating on a deep level. This post is about illness, but it’s about so much more:

    It’s about that part in each of us that is afraid we are not good enough for such a wonderful partner.
    It’s about that part of us that doesn’t believe, deep down in our hearts and guts that we deserve to be loved so much. It’s about the part of us that doesn’t have full faith in the relationship and our ability to live up to the huge commitment that is “in sickness and in health.” It is about being humble enough to accept that we are weak and flawed and fumbling through life, and grace-full enough to accept the gift of love to get us through it.

    Self esteem is loving ourselves not because we are perfect, but because we ARE… and it is believing that we are worthy of the love our beloved partners freely give us.

  • http://marycyrusphotography.blogspot.com Mary Cyrus

    This post resonates so well with me. I did not get my most ill until after we were already married, but my husband and I have been dealing with some of my chronic illnesses for the entirety of our relationship.

    There have been many months where he was doing almost all of the cooking, cleaning, bills, finances, home maintenance, and being the main “bread-winner” on top of it all (that aspect always plays heavily into my guilt, although he’s about 10 years further into his career). And now, I’m still ill but doing so much better on a new medication, so I have been able to return much of the favor for the last few months, while he works 120 hour weeks. In either case, it isn’t fun for either of us, whether we’re the caretaker or the one being cared for, but I think it makes us appreciate the partners we’ve chosen that much more.

    Finding an effective treatment cleared away a lot of the doubts and misgivings I had. I have a degenerative illness, so it’s a small jump to assume that every day will be worse and worse and I will be less and less capable to “do my share”… but now I know there really is hope. When this medication ultimately fails (still a pessimist at heart) there will be others to try, some of which will help too.

  • carrie

    As I’m reading this post, I kept thinking, “but that’s how you know you are with the person you’re supposed to be with…forever.” And although he does so many things, so do you. Even if you can put hands on the things, like laundry, you obviously hold up your end of the partnership. Always be honest with each other when/if you feel like the load is too heavy, but that goes for everyone at all times.

    So many congratulations and best wishes to a healthy, happy engagement and wedding.

  • amysee

    This is a beautiful and insightful piece. From the comments it seems like so many of you (us) suffer from chronic illness. I cannot truly understand what that is like, but this post provides a window.

    One thing I imagine many of us have in common, chronic illness or not, is a feeling of being inadequate to our partners, of not doing enough, of perhaps our “fair share” being a larger share than our partner’s and the feeling of failure when we inevitably don’t do “enough.” What is that all about?

    On a much less serious note, I think a seated wedding ceremony could look really, really cool. A number of cultures have led the way for us on this, I think.

  • http://www.dearwedding.wordpress.com andee

    I want to be better about shirking the “shoulds” in my whole life. You are doing an incredible job finding your way through your engagement; I have no doubt you and your partner and your relationship will be better and stronger for this time.

  • Laurel

    This post absolutely resonates with me. I spent the 15 months before our wedding having three hip surgeries and more setbacks at physical therapy than I care to remember. Tom was with me every step of the way because that’s where he wanted to be. I imagine C is the same way.

    And getting through all that definitely strengthened the foundation of our relationship more than anything else we had been through.

  • Pingback: Undergraduate: Wedding Planning With a Chronic Illness « A … | Wedding Planning Tips

  • moonitfractal

    I am so glad to see this post. I have been ill with a debilitating but undiagnosable condition for most of my engagement. Over the past six months or so I have been forced out of my job and have had to basically re-learn how to get dressed and drive and cook and type with partially functional hands. Being engaged and ill/disabled has been incredibly lonely. I’ve checked the usual wedding blogs (OBB and APW, mostly) for posts about people like me and have come up with practically nothing until today. I often feel like the only bride on the internet who physically can’t Do It Myself.

    The guilt weighs on me every day. For a while, I would apologize every night when we went to bed. I was sorry that I couldn’t bring an income to our household or help with all of the house work. I thought (and to an extent still think) that he deserved to marry someone whole. I felt that I was a deadbeat who didn’t deserve to love him.

    It occurred to me that while I can’t give him money or clean laundry, my love is what he needs the most. It’s the gift I can give no matter how badly my joints feel. And it’s not about me. If loving him makes me happier than I think I deserve to be, I’ll just have to deal with it.

    It’s incredible to know that I’m not alone. To all the other ill and disabled brides and grooms out there: you aren’t alone either.

    • http://livinglnf.blogspot.com Jo

      Actually, APW has tackled this before. Check out some April 2010 posts – one on diabetes and one on chronic illness. Just in case you want more of this good stuff!

  • http://www.soyoureengayged.com/author/leanne Leanne

    beautiful, honestly written post. thanks for sharing your experience. i hope that your journey toward the wedding and your marriage thereafter is one of continued self-acceptance and growth together.

  • http://explainingitall.blogspot.com Clarissa

    What a beautiful, achingly honest post. Thank you for writing this.

  • http://livinglnf.blogspot.com Jo

    Thank you for writing this! I hope it will bring you some peace to know that we are all holding you up on our shoulders, cheering you on. And crossing fingers for that first dance.

    And to add to the comments and some things alluded to in the OP, there is no flawless person out there. As you all know, your partners have flaws too. So when you show grace in accepting and facing your “flaws”, I think you (we) give our partners courage to accept and face theirs, even if it seems to us like theirs are much much smaller. This is sort of along the lines of “you’re only given trials you are strong enough to overcome”, although I struggle with the truth of that statement. I do think that your trials give you a chance to see how strong you are. Strength is measured in graciousness towards ourselves and others, in getting back up after each time you fall (or sit) down, and in willingness to admit when things are hard. At least, it is in my book.

    I have two chronic illnesses, neither of which slow me down quite like yours does, but both of which make me question my sanity and my body on a regular basis. It’s hard to let someone else love you when you don’t really feel like loving yourself. But as you said – maybe by choosing to let someone else love you even though it seems incomprehensible in moments… maybe through that act you are loving yourself. You are choosing to allow yourself someone to love you deeply for the rest of your life, and choosing to believe you deserve a great life, as great a life as is possible.

    And yes, the beauty is as you said: they can see us in better context than we see ourselves.

  • http://chilingwang.com Chi-Ling

    Oh darling, the love of my life has two chronic conditions. I wouldn’t trade him in for anything. Let C love you the best way he knows how. Hugs.

    • Robin

      My DH has chronic illnesses, and has been bedridden (or in hospital) since the day after our wedding, 10 months ago. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone else, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t trade him in for a loving boyfriend who lives elsewhere.
      He was extremely ill but not totally debilitated during our engagement/wedding planning. He got through our wedding day on adrenaline + mega drugs and then crashed hard and hasn’t ever gotten up.
      We have things we are trying, treatments, drugs, therapies. But nothing seems to help, and most seem to help him get sicker and more debilitated.
      I wonder not if I made a mistake in loving him, as he is my best guy, but I wonder if I made a mistake in deciding that I could marry him and handle all this. I’m not sure I can.
      I have a 10 year old who DH has adopted, and I’m not sure this kid can handle all this either. Our home is very sad and heavy. Not what I had planned for our first year of marriage.
      I wish we’d at least had our honeymoon before we got to the “..in sickness…” part of our marriage.

      Thank you to the original poster for her very brave words. They have given me much to ponder, and a renewed committment to seeing where my marriage is going to go.

      • Post Author

        Robin, thank you so much for responding. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s situation. I know none of this is what any of us planned, and giving up that hope can be really hard.

        I don’t know how, as a caretaker, one figures out that they can handle this, mainly because I know, as a patient, that I never decided I could handle it, either. As the poster above you said, you’re loving him the best you can. I don’t expect C to be able to handle it all and I’d imagine your husband could feel that way, too. These things are so stressful for our loved ones, and I’d urge you to find someone to talk to about it, find someone you can lean on, the same way I hope C does.

        I don’t think any of us can really handle this. We just muddle through and love each other the best we can. Good luck, lady…We’re thinking about you.

        • Robin

          Dear C’s fiancee:
          C is a lucky guy to have you, warts and all.
          As I am lucky to have by amazing darling husband too. That’s what we all have to remember.
          I’m sorry about my previous post…we were in a *very* bad place when I posted before; a scant two days later and it feels much different.
          He still won’t let me run the vacuum to get the cat litter spilled on the other side of the house because it’s too painful for him, but at least he can laugh at himself and kiss my hand when he asks me to wait until tomorrow. That helps.
          I am hanging in there, and thanks to you I can remember that he is too.
          love,
          Robin

  • North

    This is lovely and brave. Especially this: “I want him to love just the best me, because I don’t want to have to accept what I am at my worst.” I think one of the hardest things for me to accept from my partner is that she loves me not around my scars and limitations, but through them. She loves parts of myself that I can’t love yet, and she loves the person I am now, which (as with all of us) owes a lot to some of the more painful parts of my past. And vice versa, of course, but loving her is easier for me to accept than her loving me.

  • Cass

    I have been an increasing amount of pain for 5 years and 3 months. I have been with my husband for 5 year and 8 months. So the line, “Except that I don’t want him to accept how I am. I want him to love just the best me, because I don’t want to have to accept what I am at my worst” really resonated with me. I remember being well and it hurts to know I could be so much more if I didn’t hurt so much. I truly believe in giving the best of yourself to your partner and I hate that someday I simply don’t have that option.

    I’m a big fan of the Bloggess (of the Giant Metal Chicken) fame. She suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and recently had a post (http://thebloggess.com/2011/08/where-i-am-sometimes/) where her husband said something that mine has also said many time:

    “Today, as Victor drove me home so I could rest, I told him that sometimes I felt like his life would be easier without me. He paused and said, “It might be easier, but it wouldn’t be better.”

    It can be hard to believe when it feels like my body is crumbling around me, but I try to trust that statement. Because I know that’s how I would feel if the roles were reversed.

    “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

  • Post Author

    Oh, APW-ers, you mean so much to me. I want to respond to each of you individually, but then I’d actually be writing responses to each and every one of you, because each of your responses has touched me and buoyed me. Thank you, thank you so much for your words of support, commiseration, and hope.

    I think we learn to love our partners for the way they love us. I know the first time I told C that he deserved better than this, he looked at me astounded, and said “there would be nothing better for me than you.” What I love most about reading your comments is that so many of you have partners who are saying the same things.

    It’s so easy to feel alone in illness, not just alienated from our partners, our friends, our families, but also from this community of excited, and scared, *brides*. I’m thrilled to see this response, to see that I’m not alone, and none of you are either.

    Thank you so much…

  • Jessica

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us! One of my siblings has quite serious chronic health issues, and on their wedding day, all I could see was the joy.

  • Ashley

    This is such a lovely post. Best of luck to you and your future husband.

    I recently had a (teary) discussion with my husband after a particularly stressful visit with my family. We were talking about how crazy they can be and I said something to the effect of, “and you love me despite all this?” He said “Yes, because I married YOU, not all this…” I feel like that sums it up, for me at least. We don’t marry all the extra baggage, or stuff going on, we marry the person we love. That person might come with some add-ons, but really, at the end of the day, it’s just the two of you.

  • Tamara

    Thank you for this. I echo all the previous comments of support, and bravery, and hugs.

    My mom is 19 years older than me, and when she got married, at 42, I planned the wedding. At the time, she was on leave from her job suffering severe depression. I later asked her what made her pick my stepfather as THE ONE she would marry (I’m a bastard!), and she told me, “He loves me when can’t love myself.” I agree, and that’s great, but I also know that people can’t love you unless you’re willing, somewhere in your soul, to love yourself a little bit. So hold onto that as well, should it be useful; you have the ability to let him into you, and that is a priceless gift from any angle. Thanks again for your powerful sharing!

  • http://marjiepinkandpearls.blogspot.com Marjie

    What a beautiful, honest post. It made me cry, I’m not going to lie. Although I’ll never understand what you’re going through, I can relate in the slightest. I was diagnosed with breast cancer two months after I got engaged, and we’ve been planning our wedding while I’m going through multiple surgeries and tests and more surgeries and more tests. I got really lucky in that my cancer was caught early, and it seems I am going to be OK for our March 2012 wedding. Your post put a lot of things into perspective for me. You are such a strong, inspirational woman, and I wish you nothing but the best in life – from the planning to the wedding day, and to everything beyond. We can only do what we can in our lives, and can cope the best we can, and make do with what we’ve been given. Thank you for reminding me of that. Best wishes to you – health, happiness, love, everything. You so very much deserve it. Much love, Marjie

  • dragon

    Thank you for writing this. My wife and I made the decision for me to leave my high pressure job over a year ago to focus on my health. (I am dealing with two chronic illnesses.) Several months later her firm downsized and she had to start her own practice. While we are ok financially, it has been hard to deal with feelings of guilt that she is working so many hours to build her business and support us.

    When one partner has an illness it changes the dynamics of the relationship. Caretaking goes both ways, but as the partner with the illness I struggle with feelings of guilt that I am not contributing enough, and insecurities that I am not worthy of love if I am not the “best me”. It also can make it harder to speak up about frustrations with the relationship, when your partner is already doing so much. We both work at speaking openly with each other about our needs and how to take care of each other.

  • http://frecklesinthefall.wordpress.com Jessica McElfresh

    Thank you for this post. It inspired me to write about the struggles my partner has gone through. http://frecklesinthefall.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/living-with-chronic-illness/

  • anonymous for now

    This was beautifully written and thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing.

    One line really stuck out to me – “he fills in the gaps mostly uncomplainingly.” I know this was specifically in relation to getting things done around the house, but I think the thing with most partnerships is that you fill in the gaps for each other, and that’s part of being good partners.

    While we haven’t dealt with an illness like what you’re describing, my partner has had to stand by while my depression over childhood abuse hit an alltime high and I hit an alltime low. Life became exhausting. I acted horribly toward him, I pushed him away. There were months full of days where he would cook and clean and get food into me one way or another and get me into the shower and dressed. And in a fit of self-pity and patheticness I remember saying to him “I’m so sorry, because I know you didn’t sign up for this.” And he came and brushed back my hair from my face and kissed my forehead and said “No, but I signed up to be here with you, and I’ll be here for the worst knowing that someday you’ll be back at your best.”

    We’ve had a long and hard road getting out from under this fog, and while sometimes I sink back under it and lose myself a little, he has kept me from being lost. I always feel guilty that he’s put so much more into this relationship, that he has to have infinite patience and kindness (with a very impatient and sometimes not-as-kind-as-I’d-like me). But he reminds me always that he’s an adult, he makes the decision every day to be with me, and that, at my best or my worst, I’m who he’s chosen. I know what it’s like not to want someone to accept me how I am, because I hate a lot of who I can be, but the beauty of this partnership is that because he has accepted the not-so-good, I’ve had a lot of support in developing the good. I’m not better because of him, per se, but I’m better because he’s been unconditional loving and understanding of my limitations while being the biggest cheerleader of my successes. And because of this, I really do feel confident that if the situations reversed, as they someday may, that I could and would do the same for him.

  • http://maplequilt.blogspot.com Jill B

    Yes. This.

  • http://www.koruwedding.blogspot.com/ Koru Kate {Koru Wedding}

    Touching, honest post. You are very lucky to have C & he is just as lucky to have you. (((HUGS)))

  • http://www.roguebride.com Rogue Bride

    I am crying my eyes out after reading this, it really struck a chord. My mother got a chronic illness ten years into her marriage to my father and he used that as an excuse to cheat and leave. I wish she had been able to find a man as good as yours. I grew up knowing that I had to find a man so good and nurturing that he’d stick around no matter what – and I am happy, and lucky, to say I have. I hope I’ll always be healthy and strong, but none of us can count on that. We can count on character though. I wish you the very best, but I think you’ve already got the very best in your fiance.

  • Moz

    This post means so much to me, thank you. It is very easy to think of yourself as emotionally crippled as well as physically when you are suffering from something serious.

    You are magnificent. Hang onto that.

  • http://feliciafibro.com/ Felicia Fibro

    Like many others have said, I related so much to this post! I have fibromyalgia and other conditions and there were so many things I wanted to do before/during/after my wedding that simply didn’t get done. I’m okay with it now, but it was certainly tough for me at the time. Part of our vows,”in sickness and in health” make me teary eyed to think of, even though I’ve been married for years. I’m so grateful to have the love of The Helpful Hubby (what I call my husband on my blog). Wishing you the most blissful wedding day!

  • Heather

    Thank you so much for sharing this…we are just starting to talk about the wedding and I have a chronic illness (and an injury) and you perfectly captured what I am feeling.