Katie Jane & John

*Katie Jane, Elopement Photographer & John, Engineer at Etsy*NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters
NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

John and I got engaged on the first day of spring in 2009. We were watching TV when he turned to me and said, “Do you want to get hitched?” I thought he was kidding, “Yeah, right.” “No… seriously… do you want to get hitched?” “What? Are you serious?” He nodded. I started sobbing but somehow managed to say yes. The next day he took me out to pick a ring.

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

We love a good party, but we had little enthusiasm for wedding planning, so we started planning an elopement—Hawaii on our fifth anniversary: October 9, 2010. We were just going to run off and do it and it would be amazing.

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

Both our families were thrilled we’d decided to get married. They were not thrilled about being left out and had no problem letting us know. “Well, what if we just decide to go to Hawaii at the same time?” While John held fast, they started to get into my head. I worried I was going to be missing out on something huge.

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

A few months after we got engaged we were sitting on our terrace drinking beers, talking about the future. “I think I want a wedding,” I said, out of nowhere. John, who knows me so well, smiled, “I knew it was only a matter of time before our elopement became a wedding.” We talked about the good and bad of a wedding—he didn’t think “because I’m worried I’m missing out” should be our only reason for having one. We took a while to mull it over and finally came to the conclusion yes, we’d have a wedding, but we’d do it on our terms. And so it began.

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters\NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

Deciding to have a wedding didn’t make us suddenly interested in wedding planning. We decided to do it together, to prioritize what was important and not worry about the rest, to go with our instincts, and if something didn’t come together… oh well.

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

NYC Dance Wedding Bridgewaters

I designed our save the dates, invitations, menus, and programs myself. We had a friend who is an awesome DJ and booked him about a year before our wedding at a much lower cost than a typical New York City DJ. Our photographers gave us a deal on their travel expenses because they were already scheduled to be in New York City that weekend anyway. Since I could not have cared less about flowers or centerpieces, when John’s aunt offered to hire a florist, I told her to go for it. I wanted fall colors, but other than that, I didn’t care what anything looked like. (Giving up control and letting John’s aunt do that for us was one of the best decisions we made.) I found the perfect shoes for $20 online. A close family friend agreed to become ordained and officiate our wedding, so we didn’t have to have someone we didn’t know marrying us. Everything was coming together perfectly. Until it wasn’t. Read More…

The Unexpected Adventure

Have you ever had a panic attack at 30,000 feet? I’ve had two in the last month, and one this weekend led to a fairly interesting adventure. But let’s back up.

I’ve never loved flying, but ever since I moved to New York City from Southern California at 18-years-old, I’ve done a fair amount of it. This year, however, what with it being my first year of self-employment, I’ve done a ton. I said yes to personal and professional travel, perhaps a tad too often, just because I could. Then this fall, it reached a critical mass. Since August, I’ve been on 15 flights (including two trans-Atlantic flights, which I actually don’t mind as much), one long ferry ride, and two long train trips. On Wednesday, in the middle of traveling to see my Grandmother for Thanksgiving, my body decided rather suddenly at 30,000 feet that it was overwhelmed by life and done with plane travel. Last time this happened, I was traveling alone, and the stewardesses (God bless them) pulled me out of my seat, blew air in my face, put cold compresses on my neck, and proceeded to get me drunk so they didn’t have to call in a medical professional. This time, I was traveling with my husband (God bless him) and my hands started shaking so hard I couldn’t hold the drink he’d pressed into my hands (and I was already on anti-anxiety medication). To say it was unpleasant would be a small understatement.

When we landed, I turned to David and said, “I can’t get on the next plane. Also, I clearly need treatment for my flying phobia.” And, “But seriously, I can’t get on the next plane.” And that’s when the foundation of what my marriage is started to play out. There I was, sobbing in the Phoenix airport. David said, “Are you sure you can’t get on the plane? Because it’s a short flight and I think you can probably do it.” And I collapsed into tears again, and said, “I can’t.” He asked if I wanted to get a plane home. I said, “No,” and croaked out, “I think we need to rent a car.”

And my amazing husband nodded and said, “Ok. We need to rent a car,” grabbed his iPhone, started searching, and then told me to grab my things. Let me tell you, you get some funny looks when you roll up to a rental counter in Phoenix at 10pm, sans reservation, and ask to rent a car and return it in San Francisco four days later.

The whole thing made me think about what marriage is. Life is a series of things you plan and things you hope for, followed by things going awry. Life is thinking you’re going to have a short and comfortable flight to New Mexico, and ending up in pine-scented Flagstaff, in a hotel you picked because you were too tired to drive your rental car any further, with a wife looking rather green around the gills after a terrible panic attack. And the thing about marriage is that it gives you a partner to sob on, to plan with, and to drive the rental car, when you’re shaking too hard to do it.

Read More…