Who here remembers when we started the Wedding Graduates series? Show of hands. Well, when we started it, the project was supposed to be nothing more (and nothing less) than people giving advice to their pre-wedding selves. It all started with East Side Bride’s super simple advice post, and it has built into… where we are today. But I’m super crazy in love with Julia’s post because it’s so smart, and so funny, and so simple, and so perfect. (And yes, she promises to write a longer post at a later date.) So here it is, the advice you need to hear.
Dear Pre-Wedding Self,
Cool the f*ck down. Seriously. It doesn’t matter if you have a ring to “prove” your engagement is legitimate. You got those engagement rings tattooed on, remember? It doesn’t get more legit than that. It doesn’t matter that your amazingly sweet almost-brother-in-law (although he and your sister aren’t married—yet) printed the invitations he designed as your wedding gift with the wrong website for RSVPs.
Don’t be offended or hurt that two of your dear friends have an actual contract that means that they have to be somewhere else at the exact time of your wedding. Even though it’s sports-related, it is a super important part of their lives and they do not love you any less. Be happy that you spent a gazillion hours looking for the perfect wedding band in black for your wife (to be). No, a true and forever black metal band doesn’t really exist and yes, a nut (?!) and silver ring is a nifty alternative, even though it won’t last forever.
Also please don’t stress out about your lives and selves colliding. Yes, there are people you love who will call you by your burlesque name to your parents who will be puzzled but polite and hopefully will have no idea that their daughter co-founded and runs a successful burlesque troupe in this same city. It will be fine and everyone will be thrilled that Violet and/or Julia is getting married!
Pre-Wedding Self, remember that your parents were excited, once they got over the initial shock. Remember that your wife (to be) also has wonderfully supportive mother and grandmother and friends. Remember that there is no one in your life who will decline the invitation to your wedding because of moral or religious conflicts. And remember that as a queer couple, these things are amazing, wonderful, and priceless.
Most importantly, Pre-Wedding Self, look at your wife (to be) and realize that she loves you, she is excited about the wedding and wants to marry you—hopping up and down with excitement is just. not. her. thing. Just because she is waiting until the last week to get her suit and shirt, just because she isn’t obsessed with wedding blogs, just because she doesn’t want to talk about the wedding every single day, does not mean that she is any less excited about it or about being married to you. Also please tell her every day that how amazing it is that she catering the whole damn event herself. Seriously, just wait for the deliciousness.
Finally Pre-Wedding Self, yes there will be some disappointments and some details left undone. Yes, your beautiful and amazing shoes will be killing you by the end of the night. And yes, you will be so incredibly nervous. Yes, it’s going to be financially stressful. But you will marry the love of your life in front of people who love and support you both. And you will be delighted and shocked by the generosity of your friends and family. And it will be the most beautiful and perfectly “us” wedding you could have hoped for.
With Love and Valium,
Your Married Self
Photo by: Sea Studio Photography