A few weeks ago, we got to talking about the meaning of marriage (one of my favorite discussions yet, in case you missed it). And no surprise here, most of you looked to your vows to articulate what marriage means. For added inspiration, a few of you even pointed to an open thread post from a few years back where we invited readers to share their vows with the community. Which got the staff thinking two things. First, we really ought to have more open threads here. APW is too full of smart, funny, articulate women to not let you share your ideas with each other. And second, that we should start with vows. Because holy smokes, you guys have really good stuff to share.
So, here’s how it works: If you’d like to share what you said when you pledged to spend your life with your beloved, do so in the comments. (And that includes those of you who, like Meg, used traditional vows in your ceremony. We want to hear your words too!) Everybody else? Get out your tissues. Or your notepads. Whichever.
And for those of you with weddings coming up who are looking to write your own vows and want a little more guidance on the subject, we recommend this great post from Jen Girdish on just that.
Cheers,
Maddie
Photo by Gabriel Harber (APW Sponsor)
This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory page for Gabriel Harber Photography.
Cobbled together primarily from the wonderful, wonderful APW archives (with tissue in hand), so I’m happy to pass along the final outcome. We memorized them beforehand and love being able to still recite the words.
I, ___, take you, ____, to be my husband/wife
I take you as you are, loving who you are now and who you are yet to become.
I promise to listen to you and learn from you, to support you and accept your support.
I will celebrate your triumphs and mourn your losses as though they were my own.
I will love you and have faith in your love for me,
through all our years and all that life may bring us.
February 18, 2013 11:51 am
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LORD, those words are powerful. Thank you for sharing!
February 18, 2013 11:56 am
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We used some of the same fragments in our cobbling!! :) I love that connection I feel to anyone who’s vows include a line that mine did, like its the subtle nod towards our being involved in a community of honesty and love and creativity and openness. :)
February 18, 2013 12:09 pm
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I like those! Ours were also cobbled together, and somewhat similar:
I take you, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths.
I promise to be faithful, supportive, and loyal, and to give you my companionship and love throughout our lives.
I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph.
I vow to bring you happiness, and I will treasure you as my companion.
I promise to support your dreams, and walk beside you offering courage and strength through all endeavors.
February 18, 2013 12:14 pm
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Ours are also cobbled together, and probably the same as yours are, Amanda. We added a line to the end from another vow in the same open thread: With these vows, I marry you and bind my life to yours.
Our wedding is in May, and the first APW open post for vows was instrumental in getting them written!
February 18, 2013 12:29 pm
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This is just beautiful!
February 18, 2013 12:27 pm
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“Cobbled” needs to be trademarked by the APW community. It’s perfect.
February 18, 2013 1:00 pm
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We just got married (February 2) and considered ourselves pretty open to whatever for the vows – our officiant had a standard set that he uses for all non-religious ceremonies. We didn’t do much more than briefly glance at them prior to the wedding day. But day of, man did they have an impact on me. I cried my way through them. So much more important than I thought, ladies. Laid back brides, take note, this was a surprise to me! Good thing they were great words:
I, Katie, take you _____ to be my husband, knowing in my heart that you will be my
constant friend, my faithful partner and my true love. I promise always to be openhearted
and honest with you and to stand by you and encourage you. I will hold you in my heart
and share our life and dreams together.
February 18, 2013 11:53 am
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“Marrying you is the easiest decision I have ever made— not because I take the decision lightly, but because I have faith in you. I have faith in your honesty, in your integrity, and in your affection. I have faith in our love and devotion to each other. I vow to respect you as an individual, with your own dreams, desires, and needs, even if our wants and needs are different. I vow to be understanding and considerate, and to grant your opinion as much significance as I do my own. I vow to keep myself open to you even when my instinct is to shut down. I will try to take time to think before I speak. I vow to listen to you, although I may need things repeated once in a while. I vow to take risks with you and never settle for less than what we both deserve. I want to grow up with you, to raise our children with you, to age gracefully with you. I promise to love you all the time, every day, even when I don’t like you all that much. Because you are always, always worth it. I choose our life together, and I choose the life we have yet to build.”
February 18, 2013 11:59 am
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So beautiful!
February 18, 2013 12:36 pm
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Reading this made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing.
February 18, 2013 1:02 pm
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This made me cry. These are amazing words.
March 24, 2013 12:36 pm
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We saved our vows till the very end of wedding planning because we’re both great at avoiding things that make us uncomfortable! Pledging our love in front of everyone was going to be hard for two very private introverts, so the vows themselves were very short. What really helped us was finding a way to tie something of ourselves into the vows, which is where the “completely and utterly, always and forever” came from. It’s something we’ve said to each other for several years, and we both get giddy now when we say it because not only is it still super meaningful, it’s like we’re repeating our marriage vows every day!
I (name) take you (name) this day to be my husband. I will have no greater love than you. I promise to stand by you in happiness and adversity, in riches or poverty, in sickness or health. I promise to love and respect you and our marriage, completely and utterly, always and forever.
February 18, 2013 12:02 pm
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The line “I will have no greater love than you” is just… wow. That really got me!
My FH and I are also very private introverts =) so our vows will probably be short and sweet…. hopefully as sweet as these!
May 20, 2013 7:28 pm
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We “made ours up” by combing what we liked from several different sources. So while the individual parts were mostly written by someone else, we chose the pieces of each to find the combination that represented us.
Vows:
I choose you, _____ to be no other than yourself; loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I will respect you as an individual, partner, and equal. I promise to laugh with you when times are good, and endure with you when they are bad. I will always adore, honor, and encourage you. You are my best friend and I will love you always.
Ring Exchange:
Today I join my life to yours as your friend, your lover, and your confidant. Let me be the shoulder you lean on, the rock on which you rest, the companion of your life. With you I will walk my path from this day forward. With this ring, I thee wed.
February 18, 2013 12:05 pm
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We wrote our own ceremony and had several segments including vows, a ring exchange, and a handfasting. We worked it out so that we had to memorize very little, and either repeated with prompting or had short answers to the officiant.
Officiant: Now I will ask before all assembled here whether these two women wish to be married.
(I do)
Vows (repeated after officiant; both the same)
I, Remy, choose you, Lina, // to be my wife, // to learn and grow with, // to come to in both happiness and sorrow, // to confide in and trust above all others, // to respect in everything as an equal partner, // and to love the most.
Ring Exchange (one each)
I give you this ring as a sign of my love for you. Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you as long as you let me. / I give you this ring as a sign of my love for you. Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you of my own free will.
February 18, 2013 12:09 pm
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Mine were long-ish!
________, today I take you to be my husband. I vow to be faithful to you always; to stand by your side and hold your hand not only when life is good, but when life goes sideways and things are difficult. I promise to always communicate honestly and openly with you, even if I am afraid, because with you, I know my heart is safe. From the start, I have always been able to be exactly myself with you, and every day, you remind me to try and be the best version of myself, rather than attempting to be someone else. I promise to do the same for you; to always accept you as the man you are, the man I fell in love with.
I promise to always make time for you, and for us, even when life gets insane (which is often). Whether we spend time cooking together, laughing, watching our ever-growing list of TV shows, laughing at the antics of our ridiculous cats, or even just grocery shopping, I love every minute with you and promise to embrace each moment, no matter how mundane they may seem, because truthfully, not a single moment of my life has been mundane since you became a part of it.
I promise to always be here for you. To laugh with you, cry with you, and hold you when you need to be comforted. Together we have been through a multitude of experiences, and even when I have thought that I couldn’t do it alone, I knew that with together, we would make it through and be stronger in our relationship because of the trials we faced. I promise to listen to you and empathize with you. I promise to be careful with my words, even when I am frustrated, and I promise to never take you or your kindness for granted.
I vow to never stop being silly, mainly because I don’t think I know how else to be. This means you’ll be getting pretty terrible puns, nerdy jokes, and random commentary for the rest of our lives… hope you’re prepared for that. The silliness we share, though, is something I treasure. It makes me feel like I am always with one of my best friends, and the fact that I get to spend every day with you from this day forward makes it even better. |
Today I take you to be my husband, _________, but today is but a single day in the journey of the rest of our lives. To me, a marriage works when every day, both people in the relationship choose each other, over and over again. To choose to listen, to communicate, and to love honestly and fully. So I promise you all of this today, and perhaps more importantly, I vow to continue to choose those promises, you, and our relationship, every day, for the rest of our beautiful lives.
For our ring exchange, we used a modification of the traditional Hebrew:
“I am my beloved and my beloved is mine. With this ring, you are consecrated to me according to the laws of God and Israel.”
February 18, 2013 12:09 pm
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yes.
March 10, 2013 2:19 pm
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The last APW open thread about vows was SO helpful for us when writing ours! We definitely borrowed from and were inspired by the things we read there.
Kelly/David, I love you.
I love you unconditionally and without hesitation.
I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you.
As a family, we will create a home filled with learning, laughter, and compassion.
I promise to work with you to foster and cherish a relationship of equality
Knowing that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone.
Today, I choose you to be my wife/husband.
I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return.
I will care for you, stand beside you, and share with you all of life’s adversities
And all of its joys
From this day forward, and all the days of my life.
February 18, 2013 12:10 pm
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We used traditional Catholic vows, with a minor edit. We also memorized them, so we didn’t have to repeat after the priest, which was really scary but also incredibly meaningful. Our guests mentioned it as the first time they really listened to what the vows were. Our priest was also kind enough to refer to us as “husband and wife” in the subsequent prayer instead of “man and wife,” a change I requested and for which I’m very grateful.
Vows:
I _____, take you ____ to be my husband/wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Ring exchange:
___, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
February 18, 2013 12:10 pm
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We also said the traditional Catholic vows, there was something so meaningful about saying the same vows my parents and grandparents said and that are a continuation of the vows my family has used and the vows my family is based upon going back generation after Catholic Irish generation.
February 19, 2013 4:38 pm
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Our vows:
[Mel]: Ray, I love you.
You’re my best friend, and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you.
You always know how to make me laugh and the love I see so often in your eyes is overwhelming … but in a good way.
I promise to be your best friend, lover, and partner. As always I will give you my love and respect, as I know you will do the same for me.
I love you Ray.
[Ray]: I think we both realize that nothing about today turns our relationship into something more than it already was. If it took a ceremony to validate how we feel for each other, then love would be meaningless, wouldn’t it?
If I do love you more tomorrow than I did yesterday, it’s only because that’s how it’s always been. Ever since I first fell in love with you, Mel, I’ve started each day loving you more than I did the day before.
And that’s my promise to you: That as long as I live, I will love you, more and more, every single day.
February 18, 2013 12:12 pm
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Yay! We wrote ours by taking a few sets of “traditional” vows and changing them to fit who we are as a couple and what things are important to us. It was SUCH a meaningful and beautiful time when we sat down to figure out what we wanted to vow to each other for our wedding & marriage. We have been married 1.5 years and reference these vows often!
Here it is from my hubby’s perspective (mine were identical with the obvious name and husband / wife switch).
“I, Wade, take you, Julie, to be my wife; and I promise before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband.
I will be by your side to share with you your happiness and success, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and disappointment.
As your companion, I will seek to be open and honest with you, to forgive you as Christ has forgiven me, and to always remind you of the Lord’s plans and promises.
Forever I devote my love and my life to you from this day forward.”
February 18, 2013 12:18 pm
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We did it Keisha’s way as well, scribbling them down at a restaurant the day before the wedding. Our ceremony was very laidback, mostly thanks to my husband who cared very much about these things (I really barely did anything in terms of planning – sometimes I feel like I just showed up – it worked very well for us!). My husband said things from “I promise to let you watch presidential debates, even if there’s a big college football game on” to “I promise to support you in all of your personal improvement projects,” to “I promise to love and support you and the family we are building every day in the major big ways and in the daily little ways.” I started mine with “I promise to work on communicating honestly instead of sending those irritating coded messages like you’re a mindreader or something,” to “I promise that our home will always be a haven for the misunderstood, the misanthropes, and even Republicans,” to “PS, you have already shown me you will stand by me in sickness [I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer four weeks before we got married], and I promise to do the same for you, always, always, always.” There were other vows in there too- but we tried to keep it a little light and funny at the beginning. There were a LOT of Republicans at our wedding, by the way, and I love them all, even though I couldn’t disagree more with them on certain issues! :)
February 18, 2013 12:19 pm
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Today, I promise you this: I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement. Together, let us build a home filled with learning, laughter and light, shared freely with all who may live there. Let us be partners, friends and lovers, today and all of the days that follow.
I am a wedding officiant- about half of the weddings I officiate use “our” vows. I love them!
February 18, 2013 12:22 pm
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Like many others here – our wedding vows and ceremony were also cobbled together thanks to the last post on vows, and a similar post over on Offbeat Bride.
Here’s our ‘I do/I will’ section (read by our officiant, to which we responded “I will”):
______, do you solemnly declare that you do not know of any lawful impediment why you may not be joined in matrimony to ______? Do you take her for your wedded wife from this day forward, to have and to hold as equal partner in your life, to whom you give your deepest love and devotion? Do you humbly open your heart to her as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, where she may come and find a refuge of love and strength? Will you love her enough to risk being hurt, trust her when you don’t understand, weep with her in heartache, and celebrate life with her in joy? Will you receive her as your equal throughout all of your days?
And the vows we read to each other while exchanging rings:
In the presence of our family and friends as witnesses, I _____, choose you _____ to be my lawful wedded wife.
I take you to be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you and trusting that which I do not yet know.
I will continue to respect you as an individual, a partner, and an equal.
We will build a life together, grow old together, and during this life make a difference in our world, living consciously and deliberately, surrounded by those we love.
I promise to be your loving husband;
to cherish your love, intellect, and uniqueness;
to support and inspire you;
to delight in your happiness and comfort you in sorrow;
to create with you a home which celebrates good food, joy, laughter, and a growing love for one another.
And when I wake tomorrow, I will promise this all again, and the next day and the next, each day choosing us again.
I loved the vows, and the entire ceremony. I still get chills reading it.
February 18, 2013 12:23 pm
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We also cobbled together vows from the last open thread here as well as various blogs, and did both personal and traditional vows. We also had Julie from Aper + Pink/Up Up Creative (http://apracticalwedding.com/vendors/aper-pink/) custom design a print with our vows and lines for all of our guests to sign to hang in our home.
I ______, take you _____, to be my wife
To love unselfishly, to adore completely, to protect
with my life,
And to honor in this covenant
I promise to give you the best of myself
And to ask of you no more than you can give
I promise to respect you as your own person
And to realize that your interests, desires, and needs
Are no less important than my own
I promise to keep myself open to you,
And I promise to grow along with you
Your companionship is a constant blessing; your
gentleness is my wealth
Your grace and patience are my riches
I will be your steadfast crutch
And your shoulder for crying when your heart hurts
You bring solace to my restless mind, and peace to
my chaos
You inspire me to love others more deeply, to live
honestly, and to persevere
Together, we will fulfill our dreams and aspirations
And, guided by our love for each other and
humankind,
We will join our hands to work for a world of
equality, justice, and peace
I promise that I will return to the words we are
saying to each other here today
And will try always to live by them
I love you as I love no other
I promise to always believe in you and in our
marriage
I take you
To have and to hold
From this day forward,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
As long as we both shall live
I _______, take you _______, to be my husband
To love unselfishly, to adore completely, to protect
with my life,
And to honor in this covenant
I will give you the gifts of my heart
I will be by your side and always on your side
I will respect you and try to be worthy of your
respect
I will value the light you bring to our lives through
laughter
And the joy and peace you create
By your presence at my side
I am proud of who you are
And have complete faith in who you are becoming
I will do my best to help you to grow to your fullest
potential
I will comfort and support you through all of life’s
sorrows and joys
I will try, with you, to better understand ourselves,
the world, and God
Through the best and the worst of what is to come
Together, we will create a home
Filled with learning, laughter, and compassion
And, we will build a family
Based on integrity and love
I promise that I will return to the words we are
saying to each other here today
And will try always to live by them
I love you as I love no other
I promise to always believe in you and in our marriage
I take you
To have and to hold
From this day forward,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
As long as we both shall live
February 18, 2013 12:25 pm
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I’m a bit of a literary nerd so we used the last verse of Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman:
I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
February 18, 2013 12:26 pm
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This was the reading that closed our ceremony! I love that you used them as your vows!
February 18, 2013 12:50 pm
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We did an affirmation of families first, one for each side:
Do you welcome (name) as a new member of your family? Do you give your blessing to (name) and (name), and promise to do everything in your power to uphold them in their marriage? If so, please say, “We do.”
Then an affirmation of the congregation:
Will all of you witnessing these vows promise to pray for (name) and (name) and do everything in your power to uphold them in their marriage? We will.
It was important to us to acknowledge that there were more promises that needed to be made than just between the two people who were getting married, but also our families and our community of loved ones. Then we said our vows later:
(Name), understanding that God has created, ordered, and blessed the covenant of marriage, do you affirm your desire and intention to enter this covenant? I do.
I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife/husband. And I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife/husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.
This ring I give you as a token and pledge of our constant faith and our abiding love, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
February 18, 2013 12:26 pm
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Rachael, I LOVE the family and congregational affirmations! What a great idea. *tucks idea away*
February 18, 2013 12:29 pm
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Here are ours! We used a combination of The Wedding Ceremony Planner book and the first APW open thread on vows to create our vows. I’m really happy with them. They touch on all of the facets of life and our relationship that I felt were important to us. Couldn’t have done it without APW!
Because I love you,
I, ____, choose you, _____
To be none other than yourself;
Loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not yet know.
I promise to communicate fully and fearlessly and live in truth with you.
I promise to be patient, understanding, and forgiving.
I promise to respect your individuality and uniqueness.
I promise to maintain a sense of humor.
I promise to support your goals and dreams and help you realize them.
I promise to always do my best to be worthy of your love and respect .
I promise to seek adventure, joy, and fun with you.
I promise that no matter what lies in our path, it will be our path and I will travel it with you.
Because I love you, I will become your wife/husband/partner today and be yours for all the days ahead.
February 18, 2013 12:26 pm
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I don’t yet have my own vows to contribute, but reading the ones you awesome ladies have posted so far is making me a little verklempt.
February 18, 2013 12:29 pm
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Ours, taken from a poem we found and the APW vows thread went like this:
T—-, in committing yourself to Teresa, you must promise to give her the best of yourself and to ask of her no more than she can give. You must promise to respect her as her own person and to realize that her interests, desires, and needs are no less important than your own. You must promise to share with her your time and attention and to bring joy, strength, and imagination to your relationship. You must promise to keep yourself open to her, to let her see through the window of your world into your innermost fears and feelings, secrets, and dreams. You must promise to grow along with her, and be willing to face changes in order to keep your relationship alive and exciting. You must promise to love her in good times and in bad, with all you have to give, and all you feel inside in the only way you know how… completely and forever. Do you so promise?
T—–: “I do.”
Will you then place this ring upon your beloved’s finger and repeat after me please…
Teresa, I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you to be my partner to the end of my days. Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you.
February 18, 2013 12:31 pm
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This is great! I had a tough time finding vows that felt like “us” when I was looking. Yay APW!
__________, you are my best friend. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you. I will love you when we are together and when we are apart. I promise to support your dreams and to respect our differences, and to love you and be by your side through all the days and nights of our lives.
February 18, 2013 12:35 pm
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I loved our ceremony – it simple and a mashup of words, thoughts, and poems we collected along with my now sister in law/officiant. Nothing religious, because that would be disingenous on our part, nothing differentiating our roles in the marriage, because we believe we are equals and have equal responsibilities in our partnership, just a list of simple, but important promises: [Name], do you promise to give to, receive from, inspire, support, honor, respect, and love [Other Name] always?
February 18, 2013 12:37 pm
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We did two different vows because we wanted some traditionalness but also something more unique and more us. We also wanted everyone involved in some way. Here they are!
Officiant:
Please take your rings in hand, and repeat after me the following promises:
I promise to respect you truly:
as an individual, as my partner, and as my equal.
I promise to support and encourage your interests, desires and aspirations:
and to accept your support and encouragement of my own.
I promise to delight in the laughter,
take serious the important,
and imagine the profound.
I choose you as my person for all that life may bring us.
Officiant:
Collectively, you represent
the families, friends, and traditions
that have brought Emma and Kyle
to this point in their lives.
Always stand beside them, never between them.
Offer them your love and support,
not your judgment.
Encourage them with your kindness and loving hearts,
and honor this marriage
into which they have come to be joined today.
Please affirm your support by responding “Yes, I do” to the following question:
As part of the community that surrounds Emma and Kyle, do you offer your love and support to strengthen their marriage and celebrate the family created by their union?
Guests: Yes, I do!
Does this group of six, standing here in support and celebration of Kyle and Emma, promise to continue to show their support and love to these two as individuals and as a couple? (yes!)
Kyle, do you take Emma to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward for the rest of your life? (I do, ring)
Emma, do you take Kyle to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward for the rest of your life? (I do, ring)
February 18, 2013 12:38 pm
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We followed the “I love you because…”x3 and “Because I love you…” format, and it worked out really well. We split up and each made a list of about 40 reasons we loved the other, and about 20 things we wanted to promise because we loved the other, and then read over each others list and pretty quickly picked out our favorites, and some parallels. We decided to go for a mix of sweet and funny, and were rewarded with some good laughs and tears from our friends and family.
We had been putting off the vows for quite some time because it seemed really daunting, but once we got the idea to do it this we basically each had a couple of days to write our lists, and then after dinner one night pretty much finished up the rest of it. We decided to not try to memorize ours and so had them written in a cute little book we just passed back and forth during the vow part of the ceremony. Here is what we ended up with:
Jeff:
Krystal, I love you because of the way you smile at me.
I love you because you have a mischievous streak and a good sense of humor.
I love you because you are always patient with me, and if words fail me, as they often do, you ask me to try again.
Because I love you, I promise to get things off the high shelf for you even if the step ladder is only a few feet away.
Krystal:
Jeffrey, I love you because you introduce me to new and fun things.
I love you because you have a wonderful sense of humor and you know just when to be silly.
I love you because you can reach everything on the high shelf, and you never give me a hard time for being lazy and not getting the step ladder out.
Because I love you, I promise to encourage you to reach for your dreams and support you in any way I can.
Jeff:
Krystal, I love you because you always have a plan, but never insist on sticking to it.
I love you because you defy the laws of thermodynamics and are always cold.
I love you because you get lost and often point in the completely wrong direction. Except in Casinos where you always know the exit.
Because I love you, I promise to keep you warm and close.
Krystal:
Jeffrey, I love you because you are the perfect compliment to my OCD planning. You are the strategist to my tactician, as Art would say, and together we make a great team.
I love you because you never seem to mind when I wiggle my freezing feet under you, you just hold me closer.
I love you because you always carry a handkerchief.
Because I love you, I promise to always bring you the best Vietnamese Chicken Noodle soup when you’re sick
Jeff:
Krystal, I love you because you have an open heart and mind which makes me strive to be more open.
I love you because you like spicy food which I think makes you just the right level of sweet and spicy.
I love you because you always take me on great adventures.
Because I love you, I promise to keep you safe, especially from zombies.
Krystal:
Jeffrey, I love you because you take pride in your work, your projects, anything you fix or make.
I love you because you tell me when I’m being grumpy and just kiss me.
I love you because with just a smile I can tell how much you care about me.
Because I love you, I promise to hold you close every night, and to kiss you first thing every morning.
Jeff:
Krystal, because I love you I promise to remember how lucky I am to have met you and to be with you.
I promise to always tell you how I feel and listen to your needs
I promise to start and end every day with “I love you”
Krystal:
Jeffrey, because I love you I promise to keep up our good communication, to tell you what I need and to listen when you tell me what you need.
I promise to always appreciate how lucky I am to have you, and to try to make you see how special you are.
I promise to be your friend, lover, accomplice in adventures and to always say yes when you ask me to dance.
February 18, 2013 12:38 pm
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Love these :)
February 18, 2013 5:49 pm
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Krystal, these are amazing! I might just use this idea when I write my own :) This would be so cute :) And fun!
April 13, 2013 12:15 pm
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Indian weddings don’t really have “vows” like Western weddings have. Here’s the program I wrote for our ceremony. I think the saptapadi part is the closest thing to vows, but we didn’t say those things — they were just the “intent” of the ceremony that goes with that part. Writing this program was a really big deal for me, because it’s where we defined what the ceremonies actually meant to us.
A pair of my friends used some vows that were absolutely awesome. They ended with “look to me for all the days to come; today I am your husband/wife” but I can’t find the exact wording, just a lot of variations. I cried at their wedding. :/
Edit: oops, the program I posted is a draft. It’s still mostly correct, it just also has silly notes to myself and references to Wikipedia.
February 18, 2013 12:40 pm
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We knew we wanted to write our vows together so that it wasn’t a secret what we were promising to each other. We got married on a Friday and that Tuesday, we took a break from visiting with the friends and family in town to go to the park, lay on a blanket and write them together. It took a few hours, lots of brainstorming and editing, and we used bits from vows here, poetry we liked, and believe it or not, the vows from the movie “The Vow” with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. We kept working on them until the time that we read them to each other and both cried. It is one of my most powerful wedding planning memories.
I’m at work now, so I don’t have them with me, but when I get home, I’ll post them. I want our vows to be able to help people planning just as all the other women who posted theirs before helped us.
Thank you for this thread, APW!
February 18, 2013 12:47 pm
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Okay, I’m home. Here goes!
from my husband to me:
Jaclyn,
Today as I promise my life to you, I’m the luckiest man alive. I pray that I can give you more than enough love and be the man you deserve, now and forever. Starting today, for the rest of my days, this is what I vow to you:
I vow to be a man of God and lead our family in the way that will please Him. May the only thing stronger than our love for each other be our love for God.
I vow to build our family on God, knowing that it is the only way to make it work.
I vow to help you love life and to always hold you with tenderness.
I vow to have the patience that love demands, even when we’re on a road trip and you say you know which way we’re going, but you really don’t.
I vow to be your best friend and to be real with you, even when it would be easier to fake it.
I vow to take care of you when you’re sick and to try not to be too miserable when I’m the one feeling down.
I vow to write you love letters, which you love, and do the dishes, which you hate.
I vow to always protect and provide for our family. As it may grow, I know that our love will grow even more.
I thank you for being okay with being so broke, and vow that no matter how tight things may be, I will always give you anything you need.
I vow to treasure everything about you: your love of sunshine and wildflowers, your ability to find beauty in the smallest things, and even your sass.
Jackie, I choose you on this day with all of my heart and will continue to choose you for the rest of my days. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, my best friend, and the best partner I could ever ask for on this life adventure.
With these words, and all the words in my heart, I vow this to you as long as we both shall live.
February 18, 2013 3:08 pm
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And from me to my husband:
My dear Benny,
Today I get to promise my life to you and I couldn’t be more excited about the adventures that we’re going to have together! You’re my favorite person, my best friend, and the best thing that ever happened to me. This is what I vow to you today and all the rest of my days:
I vow to put God before you, because I know that my relationship has to be right with Him before it can truly be right with you.
I vow to hold you accountable to being the spiritual leader of our family, even when it means turning down your offer to make chocolate chip pancakes so that we make it to church on time.
I vow to help you see the beauty in life, to be the optimistic dreamer to your practical side, and to do everything I can to preserve the memories that we make together.
I vow to always warm your cold little fingers and toes and try not to steal the blankets when it gets chilly at night.
I vow to respect you as a man, my husband, and the leader of the family. We all know that I’m an opinionated and strong-willed girl, but I vow to always give you the respect that you deserve.
I vow to love you in all of your forms: the happy one where you get crinkles around your eyes, the angry one when the Giants are losing, and the vulnerable one too.
I vow to make sure you know how much I love you every second I’m alive.
I vow to always be honest and real with you, even when it’d be easier to fake it.
I vow to always put away the dishes that you wash and to scratch your back as we fall asleep at least every other night.
I vow to always put your first, before the secrets I have with my little sister, before my dreams of owning an ice cream shop, and even before the little babies that we’ll have someday far away.
You make me want to be a better person, and I vow to work every day to be the one you deserve.
I love you for accepting my sassy side, for pushing me when I’m not so brave, and for really listening to me when I talk. You’re exactly the one I’d always hoped I’d find and I’m so glad that God brought us together. I choose you on this day with all of my heart and vow to continue choosing you for the rest of my days.
February 18, 2013 3:17 pm
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We had a sequence of “I do” and “We do” statements, followed by a ring exchange. Our officiant was awesome and helped us write all of these, and provided sample ceremonies for us to work from. Full text of the “we dos” and the ring exchange:
W, do you take Marie to be your partner in life, your friend and companion through the unknown of the future, support her, love her, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her for the rest of your lives?
W: I do.
Marie, do you take W to be your partner in life, your friend and companion through the unknown of the future, support him, love him, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him for the rest of your lives?
Marie: I do.
Do you each promise to take pride and joy at seeing the other continue to learn and grow, and when your partner’s life grows in one direction, do you promise to bend and grow together? (we do)
Do you promise to continue to love on Dog1 and Dog2 and any future family members, to always remember they are a part of your family, to care for them as you care for each other, and to enjoy all the happy-dog moments with them?
(we do)
Do you promise to recognize one another as equals, and support one another in your goals and wishes for the future? (we do)
Do you promise that come hell or high water, secession or recession, killer bees or swine flu, federal indictment or tabloid scandal, that you’re in this together, no matter what? (WE DO)
Do you promise to commit your love to one another, to respect each other’s individuality; to go through life’s changes and to nurture and strengthen the love between you, as long as you both shall live? (WE DO)
Do you promise to communicate openly and respectfully, and to always be open to hear each other; and when you don’t understand to listen until you do? (We Do)
Rings:
Officiant: In honor of these vows, W & Marie wish to exchange rings that will serve as a symbol of the wholeness of the words they speak today and of the love for each other that they will carry with them. The rings are a symbol of unity, but not of possession; of joining, but not of restricting; of encirclement, but not of entrapment. For love cannot be possessed, nor can it be restricted.
Officiant: May I have Marie’s ring?
W, repeat after me:
I give you this ring as a sign of our lifelong commitment,
a sign of our unending love and faithfulness
to remind me of the vows I have made this day
and a pledge to honor you and grow with you
for the rest of our lives together.
Officiant: May I have W’s ring?
Marie, repeat after me:
I give you this ring as a sign of our lifelong commitment,
a sign of our unending love and faithfulness
to remind me of the vows I have made this day
and a pledge to honor you and grow with you
for the rest of our lives together.
Officiant: May these rings be, from this day forward, your most treasured adornment, and may the love they symbolize be your most precious possession.
February 18, 2013 12:51 pm
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LOVE love love the mention of dogs.
My husband vetoed the idea for our vows though. Boo.
February 19, 2013 8:36 am
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We used traditional Methodist vows. We actually had a few options to choose from that our minister provided and my husband felt very strongly about the most traditional option. To me, both the Vows and the Exchange of Rings were all a meaningful part of the promise that we made that day.
Vows:
In the name of God, I, _________________, take you, __________________, to be my
wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
This is my solemn vow.
Rings:
__________________, I give you this ring as a sign of my vow, and with all that I
am, and all that I have, I honor you; in the name of the Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit.
February 18, 2013 12:56 pm
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Our vows: Today, I confirm my commitment to building a life, a home and a family with you.
I promise to stay by your side through all that we encounter; to celebrate with you in moments of joy and plenty; to practice patience, honesty and trust, through times of sorrow and want.
To learn from you, challenge you and grow with you.
To embrace your family as my family, your friends as my friends.
To let your perspective inform mine, and to honor you and our family in my decisions and actions.
To laugh, play and adventure with you.
To love and respect you, forever
Some of these lines turned out to be hard to read out loud, simply because they are so long… So keep that in kind when you’re writing!
February 18, 2013 12:57 pm
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We planned our ceremony and tried to keep it as simple and family-oriented as possible- his cousin, who’s a lawyer, did the marrying and his uncle, who’s a priest, did a bit of a reading (although our goal was for it to be non-religious yet religiously tolerant, if you know what I mean). We had no attendants, my mom played the piano, and other than a song during the signing of the certificate, the ceremony had very little fanfare and lasted only a few minutes.
These were our vows, pulled together last minute after a bit of consideration- the last part, which is Jewish (thanks to Meg for that one!), kind of got messed up and I said the male part, he said the female part, but whatevs, we’re a 21st century, equality-minded sort of couple!
“My friend and my beloved – with the deepest love and respect,
I choose you to be my partner in Life, in body and soul. I promise:
to laugh with you in Joy,
to grieve with you in sorrow,
to trust and be trustworthy,
to be faithful to you in marriage and life, and
to honor our differences for as long as we both shall live.”
Rings:
“I give you this ring as a reminder that I love you, every single day of your life.”
And in conclusion:
L: “Wear me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love
is infinitely strong”
K: “Many waters cannot quench love, no flood can sweep it away, I am my
beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”
February 18, 2013 12:58 pm
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We gave zero thought to our vows. One of those things that escaped our notice, I guess. (Eloping is hard, y’all.) A minute before our ceremony, our officiant asked, “So do you want the secular ones or the traditional ones?” We decided on traditional. And, true story, we both giggled a bit when we said “for poorer.” (Because we were “poorer,” not because we were swimming in gold coins, sadly.)
February 18, 2013 12:59 pm
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Hey, this makes me happy! It’s great to hear that people giggle during their vows because I kind of feel like that may happen….
February 18, 2013 6:41 pm
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Loving all these vows. Just makes me all warm and fuzzy to read the words people use to make this beautiful promise.
Throwing out a question — does anyone have vows from a ceremony that was the post-being-married kind of ceremony? Like where the couple may have eloped or had a private ceremony or in-another-country ceremony and then had another one for their community/family in another country.
I just love all the “from this day forward” bits of many vows but don’t really know if it will work for us, since we will have been married for almost three years before our wedding with family and friends. And as much as I love the “from this day forward” sentiment I guess I’m feeling like we should acknowledge the commitment we’ve made for the previous several years in some way. I know we can say it anyways if it feels right, just curious if anyone else has any thoughts/ideas…since Team Practical usually has some pretty good ones. :)
February 18, 2013 1:01 pm
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I’m about to be ordained as a pastor, and my denomination, the Presbyterian Church, USA has a whole service just for this situation- for those who are having a ceremony after civil marriage. (For the whole thing, Google PCUSA Book of Common Worship PDF and its under the Marriage section). The vows are identical to the ones in the other ceremony except for the first line.
(Name), you are my wife/husband, and I promise before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful wife/husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.
OR
(Name), you are my wife/husband. Before God and these witnesses I promise to love you, and to be faithful to you, as long as we both shall live.
February 18, 2013 1:11 pm
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Rachael, I love the post-civil-union vows you shared! My husband and I eloped and are having a “ring ceremony” in April to exchange rings in front of friends and family, so the “you are my husband/wife” start to the vows works perfectly.
February 19, 2013 7:01 pm
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Mine are a little farther down, but we used “for all of our days” and variations on that wording because we’d been together for 6 years and it seemed like a silly implication that we weren’t supposed to be all these things beforehand too.
February 18, 2013 1:20 pm
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Our initial plans were to get married by a JP the week before the ceremony, then have a friend “officiate” the ceremony, but we were going to keep the vows as they would be for a first-time ceremony. No harm in promising twice, yeah? :) (Plans have since changed, and with the new officiant, the ceremony vows WILL be the first time!)
February 18, 2013 2:06 pm
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What about “today and every day”?
February 19, 2013 4:53 am
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Two parter!
What I said to him (from “Love” by Roy Croft):
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
(Because why bother trying to do better? This was, and is, perfect)
Our promises to each other:
OFFICIANT: B & M, will you honor each other as equals, adore each other as individuals, and respect each other as partners?
BECA & MART: We will.
OFFICIANT: Will you always be open, honest, and patient? Will you trust one another, and be worthy of that trust?
BECA & MART: We will.
OFFICIANT: Will you continue to counsel, encourage and inspire one another for the rest of your lives?
BECA & MART: We will.
OFFICIANT: In times of weakness, will you help each other along? In times of strength, will you push each other ahead?
BECA & MART: We will.
RINGS ARE EXCHANGED.
OFFICIANT: With the blessings of all here assembled, I pronounce you husband and wife.
February 18, 2013 1:05 pm
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LOVE that reading.
February 18, 2013 2:10 pm
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That poem.
Cried!
February 18, 2013 9:26 pm
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DISCLAIMER: I am a big fat thief and I don’t even remember how many hundreds of things we read and subsequently probably stole from. I figured out a loose format that I wanted for vows, and then Bryan and I filled them in separately from one another. We read them beforehand because I want to keep control of my ugly crying. (I also kind of get the giggles when I’m anxious, and that combination has frightened family members before, no joke.)
Here they are.
Bryan, I take you to be my husband. I will love you unconditionally and without hesitation, for it is your heart that moves me, your spirit that inspires me, your humor that delights me, and your hand I want to hold for all of our days.
I promise to always be your partner in crime, your sounding board, your confidant, your friend, and most importantly, your family.
I promise that my affection will never come at a cost.
I will stay with you, share your germs, and take turns being sick, until we can’t tell better from worse.
I promise to nurture your dreams and help you reach them.
I will pay attention, give you time, and listen both to the things you say and those you don’t say.
I promise to love, respect, and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone.
Lucy, I take you to be my wife. I will love you unconditionally and without hesitation, for it is your heart that moves me, your spirit that inspires me, your humor that delights me, and your hand I want to hold for all of our days.
I promise that I will always remain a shelter – a home for you. A safe-haven from the outside world.
I will stand beside you and hold your hand, in the face of any adversity.
I promise to make you laugh until you cry.
I will continue to love you as long as I shall live, for my heart could be filled by no one else.
I promise to enjoy the little things in my life with you. One day we’ll look back and realize that they were the big things.
I promise to love, respect, and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone.
February 18, 2013 1:17 pm
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Also if people are interested in writing their own entire ceremony, I cobbled ours together because our values are basically Methodist/Buddhist/Unitarian/slightly agnostic leaning with a few other things thrown in and I’ll happily share the full thing, it’s just too large for a comment.
February 18, 2013 1:35 pm
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I am in the middle of piecing together a similar ceremony right now and would love to read your script if you don’t mind sharing.
Email: jade_lees@hotmail.com
March 5, 2013 4:19 pm
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I would also be interested Lucy if you wouldn’t mind sharing! Your leanings sound similar to ours. My email is shea.suskin@gmail.com…thanks!
March 10, 2013 1:21 pm
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Jade and Shea, I’m emailing you now. :)
For others stumbling across this, here’s a link to a doc I’ve shared of the full ceremony, with links to two of the pdfs I looked over while writing it.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aVUNcH5_KrrOrPIW3F9QZf9z8WU8w6e8ZkND2VUf1Qc/edit?usp=sharing
March 11, 2013 6:27 am
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Thank you Lucy!
April 12, 2013 1:21 pm
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I almost made it entirely through this post tear free, and then you did it, Lucy. These are so beautiful. Consider them stolen :)
February 18, 2013 2:03 pm
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I love reading these! Our vows were relatively short and came from several sources (cobbled, indeed):
“I, [name], receive you, [name], to be my husband and partner in life. I promise to love you faithfully, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, in happiness and in adversity, and wherever our lives will take us. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and encourage you in all that you do. On this day, I promise to love you with all that I am, and all that I shall become, today, tomorrow, and always.”
February 18, 2013 1:20 pm
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We wrote our vows separately, but collaboratively. (We were about 700 miles apart at the time.) We are not religious, and our vows were a reflection of looking at forever one day at a time. Hope it helps someone else get thinkin’. :)
Nigel:
“Brit I want to marry you because:
Today is the most precious time
Today is another day I get to spend with you
I will see the world through your eyes
To help you see through mine
The pace of my stride will become yours
As yours becomes mine
My mind to your mind
My heart to your heart
I will keep my sense of humor, my light -hearted nature
If you will keep me tethered to reality
I will never do anything for you
But I will do all that I can with you
I will questions your ideas, as I hope you question mine
Not argue or fight, but to temper our minds and opinions
I will remain the scientist
If you will remain the engineer
I will be the idealist
If you will be the lawyer
I will celebrate our differences
As long as our goals are united
Tomorrow will be the most precious time
As long as tomorrow starts with you at my side.”
Brit:
“Nigel I want to marry you because:
Tomorrow morning I will wake up
I’ll look over to you and smile
And tomorrow and everyday hereafter
I will cook when you clean
because I know that combining our strengths makes us better
I will ask you about the big stuff, and some of the little stuff too
because I know your opinion helps me make wiser decisions
I will encourage us to make new friends and keep in touch with the old
because I know no one person can be everything to anybody,
and a strong community encourages a strong marriage
I will converse with you every day
because I know it will make me think new thoughts
I will push you to reach for your dreams
because I know you will do the same for me.
I will be the stoker to your captain,
the mother of your children,
your travel partner, your lover, and your wife.
Which is exactly why tomorrow morning I will wake up, and smile.”
February 18, 2013 1:21 pm
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“I, ______, take you, ______, to be the husband of my days, to be the father of my children, to be the companion of my house. We will keep together what measure of trouble and sorrow our lives may lay upon us, and we will share together our store of goodness and plenty and love.”
For the two of us, it was traditional in all the right ways (it’s actually from an old Unitarian prayer book) and none of the limiting ones!
February 18, 2013 1:23 pm
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I like that a lot!! “…we will share together our store of goodness and plenty and love” — *warmfuzzy*
February 18, 2013 1:54 pm
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As a writer, I insisted on writing my own vows even though my ex and I eloped. We were the only ones who ever heard our vows until right now, but even though we aren’t together now, I still love my vows. (my ex is a scientist and her vows were very pragmatic…just goes to show you matching vows isn’t necessary)
You are my favorite poem.
The lines of your body move me,
the rhythm of your soul consumes me.
I love the rhyme in your eyes when they both glimmer ocean blue.
I want to write stanzas with you,
stanzas that last for decades.
I want to write our mistakes into beauty,
and our pain into newness.
I want to write our wrinkles into lines about wisdom and time.
You are my favorite poem.
I love the way you speak to the holes in my heart.
I love the way you sing lilacs through my bloodstream
and paint yellow suns behind my eye.
I love the ways I can read you.
Time and destiny may move and shift your lines in my eyes.
What I read in you now may not be there tomorrow,
but that is not what matters about a poem.
What counts most is how your words have drilled holes in my bones,
like exclamation points and your love is infused in my marrow.
You are my favorite poem.
Age will take its toll on my eyes,
and where they once found beauty
they may find some strife,
but you will still be my favorite poem,
just as you are now, and yet different.
February 18, 2013 1:24 pm
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We wrote a series of questions that our officiant asked us (because I knew the more I had to say, the more likely I’d be sob through it), and we alternated between the two of us, responding to each question with “I do.” We liked getting to say “I do” a bunch of times, and we liked taking turns. It makes more sense when you read them, so here they are:
Chrissy, do you promise to encourage Nathan’s ever-changing interests, to stand by him in the face of the apocalypse, and to go camping pretty regularly?
Nathan, do you promise to support Chrissy’s many ambitions, to encourage her when she fails, and to celebrate with her when she succeeds?
Chrissy, do you promise to inspire Nathan with your compassion and kindness, and to help him see the best in others?
Nathan, do you promise to maintain your sense of adventure, and to share an exciting, authentic, and absurd life with Chrissy?
Chrissy, do you promise to argue with Nathan more when it matters, and less when it doesn’t, to read widely and think deeply, and to share those thoughts with Nathan at the end of each day?
Nathan, do you promise to question everything (except your relationship), to seek out new ideas and explore different ways of thinking and living, and to share your findings with Chrissy at the end of each day?
Chrissy, do you promise to appreciate the small moments you share with Nathan, such as reading in bed on Sunday mornings and walking the dogs after dinner?
Nathan, do you promise to be grateful for each day with Chrissy, whether you’re drinking wine on the porch while it rains, or talking non-stop through a long run?
Chrissy, do you promise to support Nathan as he evolves, to let him become the person he wants and needs to be, without fear or resentment?
Nathan, do you promise to help Chrissy grow, to let her change and progress, trusting that her love for you will never fade or falter?
Chrissy, do you promise to make your marriage a priority, to view compromise as a gift, and to always honor the vows that you are making today?
Nathan, do you promise to put your marriage first, to give and take in equal measure, and to always honor the vows that you are making today?
Chrissy, do you promise, simply and truly, to take Nathan as your best friend, equal partner, and husband?
Nathan, do you promise, freely and completely, to take Chrissy as your best friend, equal partner, and wife?
February 18, 2013 1:24 pm
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We used the traditional Religious Society of Friends (Quaker) vows, with just two tiny edits. We memorized them, which is the tradition, and both messed them up slightly, but it just made it more meaningful in the moment. There’s no tradition of clergy in Quakerism, so although a friend of ours who is an ordained Presbyterian minister gave a homily of sorts and signed our marriage license, from our perspective we married each other, and no one pronounced us married nor did the repeat after me vows.
“In the presence of God, and these our family and friends, I take thee to be my beloved, promising with divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful spouse so long as we both shall live.”
We also did a Quaker wedding certificate which we and everyone present signed. The part our family and friends signed said this:
“And we, as loving members of their community, and having been present at this ceremony, set our hands in witness, celebration, and support of their union.”
February 18, 2013 1:24 pm
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I absolutely LOVE the marriage certificate idea. I was raised a Methodist but have been looking a lot at Quakers the last few years. Mostly because of philosophies like this!
February 19, 2013 8:31 am
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It’s framed on our living room wall, and every single day it makes me remember what it felt like to be lifted up by our community on the day. The day we picked it up after framing, I said to my husband “NOW I feel married!” (2 months after the wedding!)
February 21, 2013 11:01 am
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We used the classic vows (I take you… in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer…).
But I think the following fragment from “Everything is illuminated” would be a lovely reading during a secular wedding:
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“The young couple first married on August 5, 1744, when Joseph was eight and Sarah six, and first ended their marriage six days later when Joseph refused to believe, to Sarah’s frustration, that the stars were silver nails in the sky, pinning up the black nightscape. They remarried four days later, when Joseph left a note under the door of Sarah’s parents’ house: I have considered everything you told me, and I do believe that the stars are silver nails.
They ended their marriage again a year later, when Joseph was nine and Sarah seven, over a quarrel about the nature of the bottom of the river bed. A week later, they were remarried, including this time in their vows that they should love each other until death, regardless of the existence of the riverbed, the temperature of the river bed’s bottom (should it exist), and the possible existence of starfish on the possibly existing riverbed.
They ended their marriage one hundred and twenty times throughout their lives and each time remarried with a longer list of vows. They were sixty and fifty-eight at their last marriage, only three weeks before Sarah died of heart failure and Joseph drowned himself in the bath. Their marriage contract still hangs over the door of the house they on-and-off shared-nailed to the top post and brushing against the welcome mat:
“It is with everlasting devotion that we, Joseph and Sarah L, reunite in the indestructible union of matrimony, promising love until death, with the understanding that the stars are silver nails in the sky, regardless of the existence of the bottom of the river, the temperature of this bottom (should it exist) and the possible existence of starfish on the possibly existing riverbed, overlooking what may or may not have been accidental grape juice spills, agreeing to forget that Joseph played sticks and balls with his friends when he promised he would help Sarah thread the needle for the quilt she was sewing, and that Sarah was supposed to give the quilt to Joseph, not his buddy, ignoring the simple fact that Joseph snores like a pig, and that Sarah is no great treat to sleep with either, letting slide certain tendencies of both parties to look too long at members of the opposite sex, not making a fuss over why Joseph is such a slob, leaving his clothes wherever he feels like taking them off, expecting Sarah to pick them up, clean them, and put them in their proper place as he should have, or why Sarah has to be such a pain about the smallest things, such as which way the toilet paper unrolls, or when dinner is five minutes later than she was planning, because, let’s face it, it’s Joseph who’s putting that paper on the roll and dinner on the table, disregarding whether the beet is a better vegetable than the cabbage, putting aside the problems of being fat-headed and chronically unreasonable, trying to erase the memory of a long since expired rose bush that a certain someone was supposed to remember to water when his wife was visiting family, accepting the compromise of the way we have been, the way we are, and the way we will likely be. May we live together in unwavering love and good health. Amen.”
-text from Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran
February 18, 2013 1:33 pm
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Ours are also from the depths of the internet with some help from our officiate. Annnnd I totally blanked on the last line of my part during the ceremony much to everyone’s enjoyment…
Vows:
We remind K and W that they are performing an act of complete faith, each in the other; that the heart of their marriage will be the relationship they create. In a world where faith often falls short of expectation, it is a tribute to these two who now join hands and hearts in perfect faith.
W, will you receive K as your wife? Will you pledge to her your love, faith and tenderness, cherishing her with a husband’s loyalty and devotion?
W: “I will.”
K, I choose you to be my wife.
I promise freely from this day forward
To be worthy of your trust and deserving of your confidence;
To be generous with my time, my energy and my love;
To be patient with you and with myself,
To return love, tolerance, and generosity to your family.
To trust you;
To be devoted to you and our life together.
These things I pledge before you, myself, our friends, and our family.”
February 18, 2013 1:47 pm
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We were married at my United Methodist church by my lifelong pastor. We used the traditional “Ceremony for Christian Marriage” and more or less stayed true to it, with just a couple minor word changes to better reflect our own values, such as adding “respect him/her as an equal”.
The declaration of intent:
Cathi, will you have Alex to be your husband, to live together in this union? Will you love him, comfort him, respect him as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat, forsaking all others to keep him beside you, as long as you shall live?
The marriage vows:
I, Cathi, take you, Alex, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
And what ended up being the most meaningful part to me, the ring exchange:
Alex, I give you this ring as a sign of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
February 18, 2013 1:49 pm
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In true apdub style, we cobbled together and made up:
I, Lauren, take you, ______, to be my husband. // I will respect, trust, and care for you. // I will live with you and laugh with you. // I will explore with you the things we have yet to learn and the places we have yet to go. // I will trust you with my dreams and support you in yours. // I will love you with all my heart, mind, and strength, for the rest of our days.
February 18, 2013 1:57 pm
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Well, we haven’t said them YET, but we’ll be saying them in a little over a month. We included the Celtic wedding vows that I found on Offbeat Bride as a reading by the officiant in another part of the ceremony, because my groom wanted something short and sweet for the vows. The Celtic wedding vows really sum up our relationship and our intent, and our personal vows seal the deal.
Celtic vows:
You cannot possess me for I belong to myself.
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.
You cannot command me, for I am a free person.
But I shall serve you in those ways you require,
And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.
I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night,
And the eyes into which I smile in the morning.
I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup.
I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care.
I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine.
I shall not slander you, nor you me.
I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so in
Private and tell no strangers our grievances.
This is my wedding vow to you .
This is the marriage of equals.
Traditional vows (with a slight twist):
I, ______, take you _______, to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life, from this day forward, until death do us part.
And then… Kissy kissy! :)
February 18, 2013 1:58 pm
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Love those celtic vows!
February 18, 2013 10:36 pm
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Short and sweet for us:
I (name) do pledge you (name) my love, for as long as I live. What I possess in this world, I give to you. I will keep you and hold you, comfort and tend you, protect you and shelter you, for all the days of my life.
February 18, 2013 2:05 pm
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For the vows:
“I, A, take you, S, to be my lawfully wedded husband.
I’m not marrying you to change you, to bind or restrain you. Instead, I’m marrying you because home will always be where you are. Because I love you unconditionally and want to be beside you, supporting you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as your husband, until death parts us.”
For the ring exchange:
[Officiant asks for bride's ring]
May this ring be blessed so he who gives it and she who wears it will abide in peace, and continue in love until life’s end.
[Officiant]:
A, please repeat after me:
“S, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and covenant with you. With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”
February 18, 2013 2:35 pm
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Ours were also short and sweet. We are fairly non-flowery types and wanted simple words that encapsulated the promises we were making. I particularly wanted to include a reference to choice, as I think a relationship is something you have to prioritise, work on and choose over and over again.
I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [husband/wife]. I promise always to trust, respect and support you, and give you my love completely and forever. I choose to live the rest of my life with you and make this promise before our family and friends.
February 18, 2013 2:41 pm
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Ripped these off of The Neotraditionalist pretty directly, but NOT A DRY EYE PEOPLE. I bought “You’re Different and That’s Super” and my mom (a calligrapher) tore out the pages and glued in 2 copies of the vows so we could read them while facing each other. Loved not repeating our officiant.
L: I vow to love you
C: I vow to love you
L: to be your partner in all things
C: to build a home with you and fill it with family
L: to support you in your goals
C: to be your biggest fan
L: to stand up for you
C: to take deep breaths and be kind
L: to be there when you laugh, and when you cry
C: to be present
L: to share with you
C: to let you help me
L: to wake you every morning
C: to kiss you every night
L: to appreciate you, always
C: to choose you every day
L: to never give up
C: to never ever give up
L: to work every day, to be the man you deserve
C: to work every day, to be the woman you deserve
L: I, Leaf
C: I, Christine
L: take you to be my wife
C: take you to be my husband
L: to have and to hold from this day forward
C: to have and to hold from this day forward
L: in good times and bad
C: in good times and bad
L: in sickness and in health
C: in sickness and in health
L: I will love you and honor you
C: I will love you and honor you
L: all the days of my life
C: all the days of my life
February 18, 2013 2:41 pm
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I have picked for our wedding:
I, _______________ take you, ______________ as my friend and love, beside me and part from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking you be no other than yourself, loving what a know of you, trusting what I do not yet know, in all ways that life may find us.
Short and sweet!!!
February 18, 2013 2:46 pm
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What I* know of you – not “a”. Sorry guys.
February 18, 2013 3:05 pm
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