How We Manage Chores

Chores. We’ve talked about chores what seems both extensively and not nearly enough here at APW. (Though I think we have the smartest conversations on the topic this side of anywhere.) And since today is the day that I confess all my sins to the internet, I’ll be the first to admit that Michael and I are still, four years into our marriage, figuring out the balance (right now it involves having a roommate whose standard of cleanliness is higher than ours).

I remember the first time I read about chores on APW, my mind was blown. I didn’t realize that there were so many different factors at play influencing my filthy house, including how much of our understanding of household roles had been influenced by our gender expectations. (We had just gotten married and only been living together for a short time, so hearing these things was a Godsend at the time.) But now that we’ve done a lot of the hard emotional work of figuring out how to balance our roles in a way that’s authentic to us, I’m ready to shift gears and figure out a tactical system for putting that emotional work to use. Because the reality is, we’re both messy people. Cleaning is not in our DNA. But I think a good system could change that (or least, override it). And I have a feeling that system exists somewhere within this community.

So today I want to shift the discourse we’ve had about this topic a bit and talk about the, well, practical aspects of parsing out chores in your house. What’s your system and how do you keep it working? (The latter half being my weak spot.) Are we looking at chore wheels? Star charts? An inherent desire not to live in filth? And those of us who are still trying to find the balance, share your roadblocks. Maybe there are tidier folks in our midst who can help us get past them. In the meantime, I’ll be here with my steno pad, ready to take notes.

Playlist: The Good

Sometimes when we’re pulling together content for APW, it doesn’t occur to us that we’ve been following a theme until after everything’s compiled and we can look at it holistically for the first time. Such is the case with our wordless weddings from The Good. As we were putting together this playlist, it occurred to us that many of last month’s weddings were light on dancing and heavy on lots of other kinds of fun, like lawn games and cocktails.

The wedding industry has come so far in learning to accept that there are many, many ways to have a successful wedding without having to subscribe to the dominant cultural narrative about How Things Should Be Done. (No plated dinner? No problem. Alcohol-free? Cool.) And I think it’s really important to regularly showcase that you can have fun at a wedding with limited or no dancing (because some people just aren’t dancing people).

So today’s playlist is dedicated to the music lovers who prefer to listen rather than groove. And to honor this part of our community, we’re opening up the comments to your suggestions for best non-dancing music choices. So hit us up with your cocktail hour music, your dance-free suggestions, your board-game accompaniments, and any jams that makes for good background noise while the real activities are happening. In the meantime, enjoy the easy listening of April, a playlist which includes both The Muppets and Bruce Springsteen and therefore makes me want to hug all of you and tell you how much I like you.

The Good from practicalmaddie on 8tracks Radio.

The Good

  1. “Nothing Can Change This Love” by Sam Cooke from Analisa & Tim’s Wedding at San Ysidro Ranch
  2. “Mahna Mahna” by The Muppets from Padmini & Andrew’s Santa Barbara Courthouse and Winery Wedding
  3. “This Time Tomorrow” by The Kinks from Megan & Joe’s Woodsy New Jersey Wedding
  4. “How Does It Feel” by Slade from Kathryn & Will’s Feminist British Wedding
  5. “I Love You Because” by Jim Reeves from Kathryn & Will’s Feminist British Wedding
  6. “Your Hand in Mine” by Explosions in the Sky from Ashley & Sebastian’s Austin Destination Wedding
  7. “Froggie Went A-Courtin’” by Bruce Springsteen from Lizzie & Neil’s Summer Camp Wedding
  8. “I Got You” by Wilco from Lin & Pat’s DIT Massachusetts Farm Wedding

 

** If you want to submit your own wedding playlist, or playlist highlights, head over to our submissions page and drop us a line with the following: your name and your partner’s name, three to five photos of your wedding, eight to twelve songs featured at your wedding (or your whole playlist, if you self-DJed and want to share) and what they were used for, one sentence sum up of your wedding’s vibe. **