Seriously, you’re my long lost only-child sister. Is that a thing? Can we make it a thing?
I resonated with your fears–about childhood fears of losing parents graduating into adult fears of losing my partner. As an only-child growing up, being part of a pair (me and my mom) was integral to my sense of security. As a grown-up only-child, I find the idea of bonding myself to a new pair simultaneously the most comforting and terrifying thing I can imagine. I’m also recently engaged and I have nicknamed myself the morbid bride because this engagement, though brimming with love and so much joy, has also had me thinking an awful lot about death. Not just my partner’s death, but my own death. I’ve been feeling like what I’d casually called “adulthood” was really just a warm-up and that the “real” adulthood starts now. That’s left me with the feeling that a major part of my life–my young and single days– are behind me. This has resulted in me feeling like life is speeding by before my eyes–and inevitably made me think about the end of my own life (which hopefully won’t be for another 100 years. Hey, a girl can dream). I’m still working through all this myself so I don’t have any advice. I just wanted to say you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way!
It's an APW tradition to start each year with Beginnings. January is a fresh start, and for many readers, marks the launch of (official) wedding planning. Let's turn over a new leaf together.