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Elisabeth: There Are Shoes in the Dining Room, If Your Feet Are Cold.


by Elisabeth, Contributing Editor

Elisabeth: There Are Shoes in the Dining Room, If Your Feet Are Cold. | A Practical Wedding

K and I are eight weeks out from getting married, and there is something to do every night. We get home after work and have these rapid-fire conversations about whether you picked up the rubber lobster stamp and who is researching the morning-after brunch plans and please don’t forget the roast chicken for Jane, who is deathly allergic to crustaceans and will probably spend our entire wedding in bubble wrap. (I just had to stop writing this so I could write a note about the roast chicken for Jane.)

Eight infinitesimal weeks to get all this stuff done, eight weeks till we stand up and sign a wedding license in front of just about every person we know and love. Is my frenzied tone coming across? Because I am panicking, and not just about the gluten-free options, and boy oh boy, is our house fun these days.

I started crying on the way home from meeting with our clambake caterers the other night. (God, I hate sidewalk crying, but not as much as subway crying!) “We should have gone to City Hall like I WANTED,” I sniffed. “If we went to City Hall, it wouldn’t even be thirty seconds later that you’d be sad that your people weren’t there,” K said reasonably. Of course she is right, of course, but what if she’s not?

I suspect that this is normal, that everyone who is already on the other side of marriage has felt this way at one point or another during wedding planning. But what the hell do I know? A well-meaning friend said to me that I should enjoy every moment of wedding planning, even the hard ones! Because they’re all part of the two of us working on the most important decision we’ll make in our lives.

I almost choked on my tiny artisanal slider when he said it, because first of all, that’s the kind of thing that someone only says when they are not currently in the situation that the other is in, and then I felt so instantly guilty for not savoring every tender argument about our wedding website header. Like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered. I was already feeling a little baffled and isolated, when over the course of a month, I started hearing about one unhappy relationship after another. There was a week straight where I heard about people having relationship problems almost every day.

One night in the middle of all of this, K came home and cheerfully stepped out of her shoes in the dining room. She started shedding her clothes and casting them aside while talking over her shoulder on her way into the kitchen. This is nothing new. This is what she does every night. Usually I appreciate how hunky, albeit faintly ridiculous, she looks cooking dinner in socks and briefs. Not so, not so that night. Instead I remained sitting at the table, staring at her shoes. “There are going to be shoes in my dining room for the rest of my life,” I thought. And I couldn’t stop! Every tiny and not-so-tiny annoyance loomed large, and my lobster stamp worries were quickly eclipsed by an insidious terror that we were making a mistake by getting married, that we’re too different, that we’re not the right match.

So I did what I usually do about big, hard, scary things: I decided that it was better to silently process them on my own until I calmed down a little, in the hopes that they’d go away. I’m thirty-four, so that’s what, about thirty-two years of making decisions about communication and my emotions, and has this approach ever worked? Never.

A week or so later, we were headed home from work, and somewhere between Fort Greene and Flatbush, we started talking about the folks we know having problems or getting divorced. Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore, couldn’t stand talking around the lump of fear and worry lodged in my stomach somewhere. “K,” I confessed, “what if that happens to us. What if we’re making a mistake?” Then I waited for everything to splinter apart, since I’d finally said it out loud. Except all that happened is that K said SHE’D BEEN WONDERING THE SAME THING.

We talked all the way home, and my relief was so palpable that I felt instantly exhausted. Why haven’t we been talking about this stuff, with our friends and with each other, thus making the stuff so much harder when it finally bubbles up? So I’m formally announcing what my partner already knows—I’m going to marry her in eight weeks, and I’m damn nervous about it, and even though things are so much better since we talked about it, I’m still nervous.

But I’m going to stay the course, because K and I are on the Same Team. This is one of the core, articulated tenets of our relationship, one that became very clear when we started discussing the possibility of marriage. When we disagree, when we’re trying to figure out where to move after NYC, when we buy groceries and check the ingredients for rogue gluten, we articulate and embody that we are united. We have each other’s backs, and agree to support one another, in spite of when it’s hard and especially when it’s hard.

We are not a couple that immediately agrees on much, so it’s not really enough to just put this statement out there. It requires active involvement and is easy to forget, especially in the middle of an argument. There might be times where we love each other but cannot figure out how to like each other, and there even might be times we forget that we love each and wonder why the hell we agreed to this commitment. But, because we’re on the same team, we’ve agreed to stick around through the difficult stuff because we believe that the work is worth it.

When the wedding is all over, I want to remember the good stuff, while not ignoring the fact that wedding planning was really hard for us. How happy K looked when she brought home her suit, how much I loved picking out a fascinator with dear friends before we drank all of the margaritas in the East Village. How crisp and clear and cold it was that night on Cortelyou when I realized I was ready to marry K, and how I walked home simultaneously sobered and elated, and didn’t tell anyone, not even K, because I wanted just a few more moments before everything changed.

Photo by APW Sponsor Kara Schultz

Elisabeth

Elisabeth is an MPH working in public health in New York City. Her old okcupid profile said she’s really good at: fixing socially awkward situations at parties, return trips to Ikea, whipping up excellent mac and cheese on camping trips, leaping into the ocean, being chronically late, and having Friday night adventures all over Brooklyn. In September 2013, she married her introverted, punctual K.

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  • Laura

    What a fantastic piece, and that last line has me tearing up. Thank you so much for such honest and thoughtful writing!

  • http://www.laughterinthelou.com Emma

    Oh man, you hit so many nails on the head! Wedding planning in a nutshell:

    (I just had to stop writing this so I could write a note about the roast chicken for Jane.)

    Like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered.

    “There are going to be shoes in my dining room for the rest of my life,” I thought.

    Seriously brilliant today.

    • ANOTHER MEG

      I must agree that this was fantastic. And….this is why we’re here.

      Also I almost choked on my coffee when I read this line:

      Like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered.

      So thank you, so very much, for that.

  • Marie

    Elisabeth, you are my favorite person in the world right now. I had a similar “omg are we making a mistake” meltdown and discussion with my fiancé earlier in the week (that ended that same way as your talk with K). It’s nice to know that other couples are going through the same thing and that it’s okay and normal.

    Also: “Like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered.” and “‘There are going to be shoes in my dining room for the rest of my life,’ I thought.” I LOVE this!!

    • Elisabeth

      Marie — thanks for saying that! I’m practicing saying out loud that I’m nervous, and getting married anyway, and I feel like a lone voice in the wilderness. It’s such a relief knowing that other folks are in the same boat.

  • Mimi

    I’m getting married on Saturday (whaaaaat?) and this pretty much summed up my life over the past several weeks. This was perfect for me to read today!

  • Nik

    I am trying to write a post for the “Risk” prompt and also came up with a “cold feet” theme. This post is so inspiring to my relationship and composition.

  • http://www.devabydefinition.com deva

    Oh this is a fabulous post. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one, about what it can feel like in the weeks leading up to your wedding. Thank you so much for sharing this.

  • js

    I would like to hand this out to everyone in the world who is planning a wedding or knows someone who is planning a wedding. The message is universal. There is not a person in the world who hasn’t looked at their partner, or sometimes still looks at their partner, and had the same feelings of panic. You are not alone. My husband is a homebody and I am not. Sometimes, I want to strangle him because of the way he chews. He is very conservative in his politics and I am not. But at the core, where it matters most, we are the same. Also, the line about letting down all the Corinthians is the best thing I have ever read. EVER. Best Wishes and many more margaritas to you both!

    • Itsy Bitsy

      Thank youuuu for this. And the “strangle him for the way he chews” line… I laughed so hard. Glad it’s not just me, hah!

    • Elisabeth

      The CHEWING. Yes. I dated a chewer and nearly went out of my mind at meals. K’s not a chewer, but has just as many quirks that drive me up a wall.

  • Amanda

    You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Thank you.

    And I also have to jump on the love bandwagon for this sentence: “Like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered.”

  • Erica

    I agree with everyone above; this *is* a fabulous post. My partner and I have been in an relationship for SEVEN YEARS, and most of that was spent in that super-confusing “what the eff am I doing, is this person even right for me?” state. I’m not sure if it ever goes away, but I find the frequency with which I have those little freak outs diminishes over time. And, I found that the more we both choose to stay, even when things are uncomfortable, the more security/confidence/reassurance we both have, which makes the relationship automatically FEEL more right. It is funny how giving trust/faith/confidence in one’s partner and relationship (even when you don’t feel very confident or sure), plants the seed for those things to blossom.

    • Elisabeth

      Erica — I’m so looking forward to that time. Even though it feels to us like we’ve been together for ages, it’s been just a few years, and the way you describe the self-fufilling cycle of security/confidence/reassurance is exactly where I hope we’ll end up.

  • Rachel

    Elisabeth, I think this was my favorite post of yours yet! This was such a brave piece and so well-written. I agree with everyone who loved the line about the Corinthians but it was “I almost choked on my tiny artisanal slider when he said it” that made me snort loudly at my desk.

    Also, am I the only one who is like “Uh, eight weeks!? Does that mean we won’t get any more intern posts from Elisabeth after that…?” #selfish

    • Sara

      Elisabeth, please write a novel. Or a series of short stories. Or a book of essays. I agree with Rachel, I don’t want to stop reading your writing! It is beautiful and thoughtful and accessible and honest. Today you reminded me why I love three of my favorite things: New York City, APW, and the fact that I’m marrying my partner of seven years. Thank you.

  • Tania

    Aside from agreeing with all the Corinthians comments here, I just want to put it out there that, in my experience, the idea that wedding planning is a blissful experience that we’ll love from start to finish is a load of rot. Pretty much its only redeeming feature is that I no longer feel guilty when I’ve won another vintage cup and saucer on eBay.

    • http://partialto.tumblr.com LIZ (SINCE 1982)

      Oh god, yes. Wedding-as-justification-for-ALL-the-vintage-shopping, party of one.

    • Elisabeth

      I wish I’d known the phrase “load of rot” when I first started wedding planning and was all “am I the only person in the world who loves throwing parties and hates wedding planning??” Also, I’m jealous that I didn’t start collecting vintage cups and saucers a year ago! That’s going to be one amazing collection.

      • http://www.agaishanlife.com Revanche

        “am I the only person in the world who loves throwing parties and hates wedding planning??”

        This is a question I asked for two years as I failed to make any progress planning ours, how is it that it’s So Incredibly Different when it’s our own freakin’ weddings?

  • AG

    “Enjoy every moment of wedding planning, even the hard ones!” Oy. I was DETERMINED to do this, and I did! Until I didn’t. B said one thing that made me mad, and I immediately retaliated by saying something shitty about his family. It was a great reminder of what not to do, but yeah. The hard parts of wedding planning are… hard.

    • http://www.superfantastic.blogs.com Superfantastic

      This reminded me of how people are always telling parents of little kids to treasure every moment as if you’re not allowed to acknowledge that some moments suck. Anyone who expects to only have treasurable moments while wedding planning is going to be very disappointed and pretty sure they’re doing it wrong. We had great moments (going to see bands, cake tasting), crappy moments (the great guest list meltdown), panicky fear moments (I should spend the rest of my life with a man who never gets the Q-Tips in the trash can?!?). Then we had a wedding and were very happy both to be married and that wedding planning was over forever.

      • Jessica B

        Treasuring every moment is exhausting, and pretty much impossible. Why should I treasure feeling overwhelmed at all the detaily things of wedding planning? Or that I feel let down that my partner doesn’t seem as invested in said details? Why should parents treasure the times their kid is being a two-year-old nightmare who just can’t communicate their feelings? Or when the kid has explosive diarrhea?

        The whole “Treasure every moment!” is bull. Treasure the good moments. Experience the bad and thank whatever you believe in that there are more good moments than bad.

      • Sheila

        I was thinking the same thing, and it reminded me of one of my all-time favorite posts that made the rounds on Facebook: Momastery’s “Don’t Carpe Diem.” http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/
        I think her general point about treasuring moments without feeling like you have to treasure EVERY moment applies to wedding planning just as well as child-rearing.

        • KB

          Me too – I distinctly remember having a moment where I thought, “You know, I really enjoy wedding planning, just not when there’s PEOPLE involved.” As in, I really liked looking at photos and talking to vendors and thinking up fun, creative projects – until I had to think about how EVERY LITTLE DECISION impacted my friends/family/neighbors/whoever. Worrying about all those other people just sucked all the fun out of it.

  • http://www.coreytorpie.com Corey

    Elizabeth, such a great post and beautiful writing. And for all the wedding planning craziness that happens, it all seemed to fall away once we got to the day and things just ran on their own (which sort of felt like magic). So much luck to you two! Thanks for sharing.

  • E

    I so appreciate this honest group of (mostly) women who will discuss the total scariness of getting married. Very early into my engagent, the therapist I had been seeing reccomended the book, Emotionally Engaged: A Bride’s Guide to Surviving the “Happiest” Time of Her Life and I highly reccomend it. It gave me a framework for what happens psychologically during this period of major change and gave me freedom to say not everything in this wedding planning process is happy and full of roses. The author even discusses a very common psychological process where we focus on our partners flaws (much like the shoes in the dining room for uou, Elisabeth) as our brains try and reconcile the picture we thought we had for our life long partner, and this person standing in front of us. That book, along with APW, have been such wonderful resources for me as I approach my wedding in October.

  • Kater

    Yes, yes, 1000 times yes!

    “God, I hate sidewalk crying, but not as much as subway crying!” Now that I live in rural Vermont, it’s more car crying – but oh do I remember the sidewalk/T crying back in my city days!

    “So I did what I usually do about big, hard, scary things: I decided that it was better to silently process them on my own until I calmed down a little, in the hopes that they’d go away. I’m thirty-four, so that’s what, about thirty-two years of making decisions about communication and my emotions, and has this approach ever worked? Never.” I am also thirty-four and keep trying to re-learn this lesson…it’s a tough one.

  • Jennifer

    I loved this! It articulates exactly how me and my fiance felt a couple of months ago. We both had fears, but wouldn’t talk about them with each other. But eventually we did and everything worked out. It doesn’t help that the WIC tells you that you should always be sure though!

  • Tamar

    Thank you for the beautiful piece! After reading it through, going back and re-reading the title made me teary-eyed. <3

    ALSO, seriously, can you start pumping out t-shirts or greeting cards or needle-point pillows with "I feel like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered" on them? I want to print that out and hang it on my wall.

  • Paranoid Libra

    While everyone else fawns over the Corinthians comment this is my take away point:

    “There might be times where we love each other but cannot figure out how to like each other, and there even might be times we forget that we love each and wonder why the hell we agreed to this commitment. But, because we’re on the same team, we’ve agreed to stick around through the difficult stuff because we believe that the work is worth it.”

    Relationship ish is hard at times but both partners signed up to make it work because we thought it was worth it.

    Thanks for the happies today.

    • The Family Jules

      That was my favorite part as well.

      Thank you Elisabeth for your honesty.

    • Itsy Bitsy

      Yes! My fave, too. I breathed such a sigh of relief after this one. It’s not just me/us!

  • Jessica B

    Thank you for this. While I love my FH dearly, the thought of him going to Afghanistan for our first year of marriage is creating all sorts of doubts that were mere shadows before. As we plan all of the wedding things, the shower things, the moving things, there is this lingering doubt in my head that feels so wrong–like mold growing in the corners of my brain. Thanks for letting me know that 1.) others feel this too, even without the deployment thing, and that 2.) it really is normal to have such doubts.

    My plan for the day:
    Deep breath in, let it out, continue to get shit done.

    • LMN

      Jessica B, I think you just nicely summarized my plan for LIFE. “Deep breath in, let it out, continue to get shit done.” Yes, indeed. Thank you.

  • SteffanyF

    Elizabeth, I totally freaked out starting 3 months before my wedding and it didn’t stop until a few months after! When I got married I was a mess of nerves and I wouldn’t even say my relationship as a whole was in the greatest place. But we went to counseling and a year later my marriage is great. This isn’t everyone’s experience but it’s normal to panic. It’s what you do with the panic that matters. So, thank you for sharing!

  • catherine

    Oh my god…crying to this. Like really, crying. Need a moment for my chest to relax. I love this so much. Thank you so much for being so honest (and funny) about the fear and nerves and doubt and the reality that we are flawed humans and this stuff takes tons of self trust…Aw Geez I’n so happy reading this. :) :)

  • Class of 1980

    I loved this post.

    You will probably see-saw between “Oh God, there are shoes in my dining room” and “It’s so nice to see her shoes and know that she’s at home”.

    • http://www.superfantastic.blogs.com Superfantastic

      Yup. My husband is deployed right now and I can’t tell you how happy I’m going to be to perpetually have a tea infuser leaking on my white countertops again. But the day will come when it starts to drive me crazy like before.

  • Itsy Bitsy

    Sigh. Amazing amazing post. Love.

    Also: Subway crying is THE WORST. Been there. Solidarity fist-bump.

  • sallie.beth

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • http://www.twitter.com/babyinabar Shotgun Shirley

    A-mazing!!

  • Aubry

    I so get those feelings of “can I deal with this annoying trait FOREVER!?” I was nearly crippled by these just before we got engaged. I knew it was coming, so I got a good chance to work through some feelings before the whole world was piling expectations on me. I did what you did and *shock* talked to C about how I was feeling. And I also felt WAY better about the whole thing afterwards. I am happy to report they have hardly reared thier heads since, although I may need more time closer to the wedding.

    Thanks APWfor helping me know these are normal and working theough the feelings is a noble pursuit.

  • http://partialto.tumblr.com LIZ (SINCE 1982)

    THIS POST. I gasped out loud at “because K and I are on the Same Team” – we wrote that exact phrase (I mean, without the “K and I,” obvs, that would just be weird) into our ceremony. It’s just the perfect encapsulation of what marriage is about for us – we won’t always feel gooey things, or maybe even particularly like each other, but we have each other’s backs no matter what.

    Elisabeth, please say you’ll continue to post dispatches from the land of married-lady-dom; everything you write is so specific and funny and smart and true.

  • http://newcomfortfood.wordpress.com JenMcC

    There are so many great things about this post, which I appreciate so much, and which would have made me feel sooo much better if I’d read them before my wedding. Because I too had that terrible feeling of doubt and “what if it’s not right?” and I felt terrible that I even thought such things. My husband and I are not totally the same person, and it’s really helped so much for me to hear perspectives that show that not only is that okay, it’s actually a source of strength. Honestly, I think most of the reason I did not feel terrible that I was not just monumentally happy all the time while planning my wedding was because of all the sane perspectives I got from AWP. So thank you for more of that.

    Also, wedding planning, especially in the last two months, is crazy and a major pain in the ass. And yes, there are wonderful moments, but also there are times where it feels like you cannot possibly Do All The Things and like you will have to rip off the head of the next person who asks you, “Well haven’t you done that yet?” But it’s okay. Because it will all get done, and it will be what it needs to be. And that will be beautiful and special and amazing – even in the places where things go wrong. Plus, it’s a finite amount of time. It will end and you will have done it. I have fondness for that. As glad as I am that all that craziness is over, I enjoy looking back and thinking, “Yep! We did it! It was crazy and we got through it and then we got married and it was wonderful!” I wish the same joyfulness for you.

  • GardenOf

    Yes, thank you! I’m around 8 weeks off from The Day (or 6 weeks? – better in my mind if it’s a little fuzzy) and thank God I have some close friends who’ve said “those last couple months of engagement are just the worst.” Not everything is bad, and there is a lot of good, but it’s so affirming to know that other people have Lots of Things To Do Every Single Day. I don’t have catering nailed down yet? No worries, I’m getting married to the one I love. The rest is icing on the cake. And also that fear/ nerves/ doubts are fine. Will give me a chance to be all the more courageous.

  • LifeSheWrote

    Loved this piece. Laughed especially at this line:

    “…and then I felt so instantly guilty for not savoring every tender argument about our wedding website header. Like I single-handedly just let down all of the Corinthians who are patient and kind and not easily angered.”

    You’re a fantastic writer and your post hits close to home. Thank you!

  • Lanny

    If people spent even HALF the time planning and working for what kind of MARRIAGE they want as they do considering what kind of WEDDING they want, I wonder how low the divorce rate would be?

  • Jane

    Jane says thank you for the roast chicken!

    Also: We’re 3 weeks away from ours and what used to be a (not coincidentally about once a month, thank you, ovaries) cycle of “this person is annoying the shit out of me” followed by getting a good night’s sleep and talking it out… that cycle? Is now about every 8 hours thanks to The Wedding. One minute we’re high-fiving for finding just the right baskets to hold our 140 hand-made pinwheel favors. The next I want to strangle her for, I dunno, the wording on the email to our guests about weekend events. And the next I’m back to gazing adoringly at her and being very grateful I get to spend my life with her. I’m getting a little better at knowing what battles not to pick (she wants the programs to be folded legal-size paper, not letter — can you imagine?) but I’m worried about how frazzled we’re going to be by the time the big day arrives.

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  • http://www.agaishanlife.com Revanche

    I feel like we, as humans, have to have a variation on that talk at so many stages of our lives.

    We set our reception date tonight, after five weeks of talking about getting that one damn thing done, (and that after already being married nearly 2 years) and I promptly annoyed the crap out of Partner insisting that he at least like ONE element of the half dozen invitation designs I’ve messed with as if setting the date meant I could get all the planning over with in a day. Now I’m sitting here listening to him snore, as I have for the past few years, and thinking: yep. I married that snoring and we’re going to make it super public-official at the end of the year. Are we sure we can’t fix this??
    As much as we were a strong partnership before marriage, before the engagement, and before living together, we still have those moments when we are tried past our last nerve and wonder if it was all a mistake. I’d like to think it mellows into knowing we didn’t but that this is just another obstacle to overcome together. Or with lots of silence. Beautiful, calming silence.

  • http://cantalouqe.wordpress.com/ cantaloupe

    I know this is perhaps cynical, but whenever I start to question my relationship or whether or not to say yes to the proposal I know is coming, I remind myself that there is always divorce. And when I voice this reassurance to my friends, they see it as a sign that I’m not ready and shouldn’t marry. But I think it’s a brilliant mindset. It’s really just me saying that right now I am very sure that I am in love and committed. But if that changes, there will always be a way out so why worry about it? I can’t plan based on the what if of the future. I can only plan on the feelings now and it sounds like that is exactly what you’re doing. The future is what it is. And you’ll deal with that if it happens. But right now, there’s an amazing wedding to plan and enjoy. So work it!

  • Anonymous

    I know I am extremely late to this thread, but I just feel like I need to get this out there.
    For the last couple of weeks, I have been in a nearly constant state of below-the-surface panic. Every quirk or flaw in my partner seems massive. Small things, like how she always forgets to close cupboard doors, and large things, like her extreme discomfort with difficult emotions. It terrifies me that at some point, she will decide that it’s not worth it to put in the effort to deal with these difficult feelings… I am scared that her willingness to try, to muscle through the hard stuff, will run out–although one of the reasons I am marrying her is because she does try, so hard. She puts so much genuine effort into her issues than anyone else I have ever met, and actually makes changes and evolves as a person rather than just talking about it.
    This is compounded by the fact that she’s been working constant 11 hour days for the last little while. We haven’t seen too much of each other and sweet gestures have kind of fallen by the wayside. And of course I am reading too much into that (she doesn’t write me love notes anymore and we’ve only been together for four years – what will our relationship be like when we’ve been together for 20 years????).
    Also I, um, smoked a lot of pot the other night and sort of collapsed into a little heap of internal turmoil and fear, which seems to have thoroughly exacerbated things for me.
    And… it must be said–and actually I have only just truly realized this while trying to formulate this sentence–that I have a pattern of being all for any given commitment – until I actually make it, at which point I totally freak out. For example, I recently got a tattoo, and I approached that commitment very carefully. I thought about the design for two years, I found a dozen or so inspiration photos to show the tattoo artist, I thought carefully about the symbolism and the colours and the negative space and the placement on my body, and I was so excited about it. And then, I got the tattoo, and that night I sobbed in bed because I just HATED it and it was going to be on my BODY for the REST OF MY LIFE.
    And now? Now, I freaking love my tattoo.
    So. I know that a lot of this is me. And also…. I know that when you desperately wish that you could combine DNA with your (same-sex) partner so you can make babies because you are just aching for there to be more of her in the world — that can’t be a bad sign.

    Oh man. I didn’t mean to write a novel but this was actually extremely therapeutic. Thanks Elisabeth!

    • Erin

      “And also…. I know that when you desperately wish that you could
      combine DNA with your (same-sex) partner so you can make babies because
      you are just aching for there to be more of her in the world — that
      can’t be a bad sign”

      Awesome. Beautiful. Fantastic. Thank you for putting words to some of my feelings.