Wifey sweatshirt ($55)
Our first year of marriage, I ended up supporting us both as a (very fancy) secretary at an investment bank. I once told someone that our office was like Mad Men but… and they confidently offered, “Without all women being secretaries.” After which I finished my sentence, “Without the drinking in the afternoon.” Because yes, of course, all the women were secretaries. I was brilliantly good at my job that year, steeled by a need to support my family and get out, mixed with an icy cold rage. The way I exacted my revenge, however, was the complicated part. I bought a shit-ton of pencil skirts (which I love, and look hot in), and then dressed like Joan from Mad Men every single day. I knew what I was saying with my outfit, even if they didn’t.
This gift guide is for that newly married friend (or possibly you, and you’re going to send this to your partner right now). It’s for the one with the subversive sense of humor, the femme taste, and the white hot rage. It’s for the girl who really loves a good pencil skirt and a drunken dinner party, but has complicated, complicated feelings about all of it.
And how about that Wifey sweatshirt? I love/hate it so hard, I kind of want to buy it. It’s a work expense for me, right? Obviously.
TOP PHOTO The APW staff has gone back and forth and back on forth on whether we love or hate this. Perfect for your articulate and wry newly married friend. Wifey sweatshirt ($55) Note: it runs small!
ONE Diamond Decorative Object/Planter made from recycled glass. What is it? Something Meg wants, apparently. ($90)
TWO Major Scale Musical Wine Glasses, for a tipsy glass harmonica dinner party. ($65 for set of two)
THREE A Tiny Celebration Glitter Confetti, to celebrate her excellent year. ($6.50)
FOUR Cross-stitch, the perfect new wife hobby. Bitch, Please Deluxe Kit ($20)
FIVE An ironic wife must-have: Diamond Temporary Tattoos ($5 for set of two)
SIX A must-read: Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture ($13.49)
SEVEN Royal Cocktail Coaster Set, for the drunken dinner parties that you obviously have to throw now because you’re MARRIED. ($16)
NINE Because your wedding present is late, here’s a $700 apology. (Someone want to mail me $700? PLEASE?)
(Thanks and credit to the always kickass Rachel, for sourcing and resourcing half this gift guide.)