Q: We’re currently planning for an October 25, 2014 wedding. However, the more I think about it, the more I worry it will conflict with Halloween. Halloween falls on the following Friday, so I’m not sure if people will be celebrating on the night of October 25th or the night of November 1st (or even October 31st). I keep going back to the idea that “your wedding is not an imposition“, but I can’t help feeling a little guilty about butting up against a holiday a lot of my friends care about. But… if we move it to the next available date (November 15th), we’ll lose the beautiful fall colors and it may be colder. Any advice or useful posts you could send my way?
A: Dear Amanda,
I’m going to take a leap and guess that your friends won’t care. I realize different groups of folks treasure different days (I have family that planned their wedding around the football season), but typically Halloween isn’t one of those huge holidays with tons of traditions and major events.
Apart from that specific holiday (let’s assume everyone you know is a Halloween nut), there’s always a bit of a catch-twenty-tw0 in scheduling. If you pick this date, your cousin won’t be home from college. If you pick that one, it’ll be super hot out and everyone will sweat all over their silk charmeuse cocktail dresses. If on a Saturday, your friends from out of town will need to take off of work on Friday. On a Sunday, and your devoutly religious friends will need to miss their church service. As much as it’s really important to be a gracious host and try not to inconvenience your guests, there’s a point where it just gets a little crazy and you need to pick a damn date.
But also, you said it yourself: Your wedding is not an imposition. When we toss that phrase around it doesn’t just mean, “No one is ever inconvenienced by your wedding ever! Do whatever your little heart pleases!” But it does mean that your guests are grown-ass adults who can choose between a really awesome wedding and (for example) a really awesome Halloween party. It means, if your wedding is that inconvenient, your loved ones have the option of sitting it out.
Most of your friends—even the ones who throw a Halloween party every year exactly on the Friday before Halloween—will be really happy to set things aside in favor of being at your wedding. Some of them may not, and they may grumble about it amongst themselves. And some others may find it just so inconvenient that they’ll stay home. The thing about those last two groups (the grumblers and the shut-ins), is that there is just plain old no avoiding them. Change the date to please them, and someone will find a reason to whine or stay home.
So, will the majority of your loved ones be super bummed that they have to postpone their costume party? Probably not. Will there be a few whiners? Maybe. But there’s probably no pleasing those guys, anyway.
Team Practical, how close is too close to a holiday? Where do you draw the line between ACCOMMODATING your guests, and just making a decision that works for you?
Photo by Lisa Wiseman.
If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email Liz at: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though it really makes our day when you come up with a clever sign-off!