APW Happy Hour

Happy Hour Brought to you by Monogamy Wine | APW

Hey apw,

I was jealous that Lucy got to host last week’s Happy Hour, so I asked Meg if I could pop in and say hello to everyone today. (Hello APW, I miss you!) After last week’s whirlwind trip to Alt Summit, this week has been spent catching up on snuggles with my dog, going out to “sorry I’ve been so busy this month” dinners with Michael, finally succumbing and binge-watching two-and-a-half seasons of Girls, and making the most of what we learned last week while it’s still fresh in my brain.

Now it’s back to work for me, but for you it’s Happy Hour! So hop on it.

Cheers,
Maddie

Highlights of APW This Week

This post on marrying down is just so good. Go read it if you missed it. (And the subsequent discussion about how society approaches ambition differently in men and women is damn good.)

Do the Google results for “Fruit Centerpieces” make your eyes bleed? Here is our take.

It’s Elisabeth’s last post as an intern (sniffle.) But she goes out with a bang on brilliant post about body politics and weddings.

Need help on what to look for in a venue?

This wedding and this one.

And the tearjerker comment of the week goes to…

Link Roundup

Let’s start with the APW team’s manifesto for 2014: The Complete Guide To Not Giving A Fuck. “Those who don’t give a fuck change the world. The rest do not.” Must read.

The revolution will not be printed on a thong. (I feel sort of dubious about all the shade being thrown at efforts toward progress, no matter how small the steps may be. But apparently I’m the only one.)

In shameless self-promotion: our own Emily’s T’s roundup of ten amazing podcasts done by women.

NFL cheerleading is a scam. Like, an actual scam.

I have watched Vin Diesel’s dance moves no fewer than five times this week. I have. No words.

Then when I was done with that, I watched this Full House reunion on repeat (I am not embarrassed to admit that this was my childhood.)

Are blogs dead? Design Sponge’s “State of the Blog” is a smart, insightful commentary on the constantly shifting sands of online media.

Want your head to explode? Read this. And the best response to it.

A signal boost for Sophia Banks, whose stunning photography business is under attack by transphobic feminists.

Toddlers love selfies too! Damn right they do! And, signs that selfie prohibition may be upon us. Poor toddlers.

Turning the online bullying of women into art.

APW’s 2014 Happy Hour’s are sponsored by Monogamy Wine. Thank you Monogamy for helping make the APW mission possible! if you want to learn more about monogamy (and possibly win birthday treats), head over here and sign up for their newsletter.

Ask Team Practical: We’re Not Party People

Ask Team Practical: We're Not Party People | APW (2)

Q: We’ve just started planning our wedding for next fall and I’m incredibly excited! We’ve barely started our brainstorming yet, haven’t even laid down the budget, but one MAJOR insecurity of mine keeps rearing its ugly head.

We just aren’t Super Cool Party People.

I have two friends I still speak with on a regular basis. One of them lives across the country and simply will not be able to afford a trip out for our wedding. My fiancé is super introverted. He has a few more close friends than I do, but not many, and they are not reliable. We are both close to our parents and our brothers, but are more on an acquaintance level with the rest of our families (including my sister). When we throw “parties” in our everyday life they don’t go terribly well. We love our lives and the people in them on a one-on-one basis, but our small community is not conducive to partying in general. My practical side is thinking that the wedding that best suits us is going to be an intimate ceremony, followed by a family meal and roasting marshmallows around a fire pit or some such. My paranoid insecure side remembers my graduation “party.” My partner, best friend, mother, grandmother, and I stood around way too much food awkwardly making small talk while my father and brother watched something stupid on TV. I still remember my graduation with shame. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t a celebration. The situation on his side is the similar, but we’ll have the added tension of extreme fake politeness between opposites on the political spectrum.

I want my wedding to be a celebration! These are the people I love, who will want to be there to support me, so elopement really isn’t an option without hurting them. What do you suggest to avoid the awkward silence and boredom? I’ve considered inviting more people. The WIC answer seems to be making it a bigger wedding with our Super Cool Party People acquaintances and extended family members, but that won’t really be US, and it will involve a bigger budget too. I could do a plan-out-every-minute-with-activities type wedding, but it sounds exhausting and just begging for everything to go wrong. Should I be trying to entertain my wedding guests? Or just leave it up to them as adults and risk crying on the way to the hotel because nobody enjoyed my wedding?

Super Cool Quiet Person

A: Dear SCQP,

You’re not wild party people. Own it.

And it sounds like your people are Super Cool Quiet People, too, so don’t worry about trying to entertain them. I’m guessing they’ll enjoy whatever kind of party you enjoy most. Some weddings are raucous wild parties, and some aren’t. And for each of those raucous wild parties, there’s probably one or two Super Cool Quiet People in the crowd sitting meekly at their table with a cup of punch wondering when is too soon to leave.

There are all sorts of definitions of “fun time” not just from person to person, but just from day to day. Sometimes, my idea of a fun time is going out for drinks and dancing to Boyz II Men with some old friends from high school. Sometimes it’s a night in with pizza and a Disney flick and my son. Just because your party won’t be X kind of fun doesn’t mean that it won’t be ANY kind of fun.

Not to sound like an after school special, but don’t try to be something you’re not. This is basically a life lesson, lady. Work with what you’ve got. It’s ridiculous for me to save Pinterest beauty tips and inspiration photos of tan ladies, I’m just going to end up frustrated. If instead, I pin pictures of really gorgeous super pale and freckled ladies—well, I’m giving myself a shot, at least. I’m not guaranteeing your party will for sure be excellent (just like I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever look like Emma Watson), but if you highlight and expand on what makes you unique rather than squash it, you’ll have a much higher rate of success.

So when do you guys click? When do you feel relaxed and comfortable and enjoy yourself? What’s a memory of the best party you’ve ever been to? Your idea with the small family dinner followed by marshmallows over a fire sounds excellent. I’m picturing a reception with less dance floor and more armchair, what do you think?

There’s a chance people will be bored, but ya know, that risk comes with planning every wedding (and party, and get-together). Instead of seeing what makes you unique as an obstacle, try to see it as an advantage and have a kickass, though maybe quiet, wedding (with marshmallows).

Team Practical, how can SCQP make a fun time for her friends who aren’t wild about parties?

If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email Liz at: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though it really makes our day when you come up with a clever sign-off!