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APW Happy Hour


Welcome to APW #selfie month. It's obviously totally a conspiracy.

by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

APW Happy Hour | A Practical Wedding

Hey apw,

It ended up being kind of a crazy beginning to #selfie month, with these articles popping up in Meg-land: the New York Times on selfie friendly phonescats taking selfies, and New York Magazine’s art-history style deconstruction of the selfie. The last article contained the following paragraph (and many more like it), which I tried very hard to read to David with a straight face:

Excluding those taken in mirrors—a distinct subset of this universe—selfies are nearly always taken from within an arm’s length of the subject. For this reason the cropping and composition of selfies are very different from those of all preceding self-­portraiture. There is the near-constant visual presence of one of the photographer’s arms, typically the one holding the camera. Bad camera angles predominate, as the subject is nearly always off-center. The wide-angle lens on most cell-phone cameras exaggerates the depth of noses and chins, and the arm holding the camera often looks huge. (Over time, this distortion has become less noticeable. Recall, however, the skewed look of the early cell-phone snap.) If both your hands are in the picture and it’s not a mirror shot, technically, it’s not a selfie—it’s a portrait.

I failed (on the straight face front). And then the following conversation ensued:

David: Is this a conspiracy? Is that why you’re having #selfie month this month? It’s in every article this month, how is it #selfie month on APW? HOW DID YOU PICK THAT?
Meg: I donno, we’re just good at our jobs I guess?
David: Bullshit. You’re on one of those media email chains.
Meg: What?
David: Like the fashion email chain. The one where they decide, “We’re all going to be into blue polka dots this season, and menswear for women.” You’re in on that, but for media.

Welcome to APW #selfie month. It’s obviously totally a conspiracy.

And along those lines, if you haven’t been checking out the #APWselfie hashtag on Instagram (I can’t link to that, damn Instagram) you should, on your phone, because it is amazing. It’s just the best of the APW community in action, and reminds me of why I love y’all so hard. We’re reposting smart and interesting stuff as fast as we can, but check out this one, and this one, and my first attempt. But mostly, check out the bravest selfie you may ever see (Do it). So many more to come, so take out your phone and follow us on Instagram. #APWentrepreneurship conversations are happening over there as well, and one should pop up this afternoon!

And now, your link roundup and open thread. We’ve included and extra link roundup about the Dylan Farrow story, which we think is particularly important, but also has a trigger warning attached.

XO
Meg

Highlights of APW This Week

 We kicked off #selfie month.

When families are complicated, sometimes you have to step back and focus on keeping sane and getting to the good part (aka marriage.)

Giving the middle finger to being “classically pretty.”

The lazy girl’s way to 1930s finger waves, from this glamorous Brazilian Room wedding.

Women proposing to men alert!

Lots of great advice in this week’s open thread about delegating wedding tasks to friends.

For all of you in the Midwest feeling left out by the big wedding blogs because you’re not getting married in Southern California or New York? This one is for YOU.

Family heirlooms are lovely when they work, but sometimes they come with a lot of baggage.

A roundup of the best of APW’s take on what it means to be a self-full wife.

Link Roundup

Some cute foodie Valentine’s cards from Paperless Post.

A cool portrait series feature older burlesque stars.

Tintypes from the Sundance Film Festival. Just beautiful.

A lovely writeup on the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman that does justice to his work. It’s the actor in me, but I’m devastated by the huge loss of such an immense talent. And a quote from Aaron Sorkin, “Phil Hoffman did not die from an overdose of heroin—he died from heroin. We should stop implying that if he’d just taken the proper amount then everything would have been fine.”

SNL’s “Black History Month” sketch is perfect. Maddie’s confession: “I’ve watched it ten times…today.”

What J.K. Rowling’s newest revelation tells us about true love in the world of Harry Potter. Thoughts, Harry Potter fans? The staff has been discussing all week. (Hint: we think Hermione was too good for any of those boys, though Ginny Weasley could hold her own.)

In self-promotional news, check out Rachel’s awesome DIY bar cart, and Lucy’s newly redesigned dog blog. (SLOW CLAP FOR LUCY.)

Truth about making things, from The Oatmeal. Older, but still good.

A case study in sexist double standards.

And as the 2014 Winter Olympics open tonight, a long, heartbreaking read on being gay in Russia.

Dylan Farrow

Childhood sexual abuse is a subject that’s particularly important to several APW staff members and many readers, so we wanted to take a time out to respect Dylan Farrow’s bravery this week, and bring you a link roundup of articles we found particularly helpful on this subject. Some of you may be having conversations with important people in your lives this week about how we treat childhood victims of sexual abuse, and how our culture gives the alleged perpetrator (particularly when they are male and powerful) very different treatment than the alleged victim. We hope these articles aid you in having smart discussions.

From the best piece I read on the subject, “Woody Allen’s Good Name,” “If you are saying things like ‘We can’t really know what happened’ and extra-specially pleading on behalf of the extra-special Woody Allen, then you are saying that his innocence is more presumptive than hers. You are saying that he is on trial, not her: he deserves judicial safeguards in the court of public opinion, but she does not.”

“We’ve all watched the Internet shame machine go to work on Dylan Farrow.

Jessica Valenti in The Nation: “We know one in five girl children are sexually assaulted. Yet when victims speak out, we ask them why they waited so long to talk. We question why don’t they remember the details better. We suspect that they misunderstood what happened.”

I know I would rather stand where I stand and eventually be proven wrong than support Woody Allen and eventually be proven wrong.

Lena Dunham nails it on Twitter, of all places, “These are not stories we tell for fun, attention or revenge.

What is it about powerful men and very young girls?

Why Young Sexual Assault Victims Tell Incoherent Stories

Related and informative: Roman Polanski raped a child (TRIGGER WARNING, GRAPHIC.)

Geimer, on her childhood assault by Polanski, and the last three-plus decades, “It’s very hard to control the narrative.

And finally, because it’s important, a long article from New York Magazine a few weeks ago, about what a false and coerced childhood sexual abuse claim really looks like, years after the fact.

Thumbnail image by Meg for APW

APW’s 2014 Happy Hour’s are sponsored by Monogamy Wine. Thank you Monogamy for helping make the APW mission possible! if you want to learn more about monogamy (and possibly win birthday treats), head over here and sign up for their newsletter.

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and son. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

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  • Kayjayoh

    Last night we went to put down a deposit on fiance’s wedding band. Then we stopped at my mom’s place to shovel her front walk. When we were inside warming up afterwards, she was talking to me about her upcoming surgery to remove a tumor on the back of her neck, and telling me that while she’s looking forward to getting the surgery out of the way, it was nice that she was off chemo until then (to be strong enough for the anesthesia). I looked at her and realized how fragile and old she looks.

    She was also talked about how she needs to move into a new place soon, and how she will want our help for sorting and packing.

    When we got home, I told M. that perhaps we should think about delaying our move to Boston, and look into getting a 3-4 bedroom place in town come fall. (He had been the one to first bring up the idea of staying, back at Christmas.) I told him not to answer right away, but to think on it. We both spent the night in a bit of a funk.

    It is definitely not something I *want*. As much as I will miss this place, I have been looking forward to the new life in Boston. I don’t want to be newly married and living with my mom. I don’t want to add yet another move to a long series of moves. But I also don’t want to move away while she’s…so sick. I want to be there for her. I don’t want to look back in regret. There are no good answers. Fuck cancer.

    Anyway, today’s my birthday. Happy 38th to me! We plan to go back over to her place tomorrow, bringing over a post-birthday brunch, and taking the shoveling for the driveway.

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      Happy birthday! And my heart is with you. You’re right, there is no good answer. Good luck with whatever decision you make. <3

      • Kayjayoh

        Thank you very much.

    • Meigh McPants

      Absolutely, fuck cancer right in its stupid face. Happy birthday, and much love and grace to your family in this (kinda shitty) time.

      • Kayjayoh

        Thank you

    • jashshea

      Happy Birthday to you!

      I’m very sorry to hear about your mother’s illness. I hope she’s getting the best care possible and is on a path to recovery. It must be very difficult to contemplate large scale life changes while supporting her through that.

      This is just my experience, but wanted to share: I’m the opposite of you, a bit, in that I’m far away from my parents while my mother is fighting cancer. It’s..not easy. She has my dad, our extended family, and all their friends, so there’s plenty of support. I call, text, and email frequently. But I do feel like I’m not being helpful, being so far away, and there’s guilt (me putting it on myself). I have to continually recognize that I’m creating the guilt and that we’re all doing the best we can in a crap situation.

      Good luck to you all as you work through this. No easy answers. But, extra super fuck cancer.

      • Kayjayoh

        For me the worst part is that I am the “stable, balanced one” in the family, and most in the position to help. My siblings are doing their best just to hold their own together. My dad and his partner can help some (friendly divorce) but they don’t live in town and there is only so much you want to ask your ex-husband to do.

        She has a lot of friends, but most are online and far away. And she’s been out of work and looking for several years now, which doesn’t help. (As tight as the job market is, it is even worse when you are in your 60s and going through chemo.)

    • swarmofbees

      I am so sorry you are going through this right now. When I was dealing with a very dark part of my Dad’s cancer treatment, I had a long and tearful conversation with my sister about how I just wanted to quit my job and move across the country to look after my Dad. In the moment I wanted it so much, but I also knew I could not do it. One of the reasons that we talked about that helped me the most with living so far away was that my Dad would not want me to give up my life, career and relationship to look after him. My oh so wise sister reminded me that I wouldn’t want my daughter to do that, so I shouldn’t have the same expectations for myself. Your situation is different and you have your own path to walk. But, I wanted to mention my thought process in case it helps. I wish you the best of luck and hope that your mother feels better soon.

    • Kate

      Happy Birthday! I’m sorry things are tough right now, and I’d just like to say its OK not to want to be newly married and living with your mom. Its OK to find other solutions. We support others best when we’re happy ourselves.

      • Kayjayoh

        Thanks.

    • Laura C

      That is just…hard, with no really good answers. Anyway, sympathy, plus happy birthday.

      • Kayjayoh

        Thanks

    • Sara P

      Happy birthday! And best of luck with your mom – and her upcoming surgery.

      • Kayjayoh

        Thank you.

    • emily alt

      Wow. You and I are living super similar lives right now–my mom is also struggling with some health issues (and also relies on my to constantly shovel her walk) and it is so tough-not only to see her sick, but also to feel that pressure of “What is the right thing to do for her…but at the same time still live my life?” My husband and I are considering moving (again, after just moving from Chicago), but it’s all tempered in the idea of my mom’s health. I am sending you massively good thoughts and vibes–it’s tough, but it sounds like you also have an amazing partner to work through all of this with. xoxo

      • Kayjayoh

        The worst thing (feelings-wise) I had to say last night was, “It probably wouldn’t be for long.”

        [fuck, I shouldn't think about this while still at work...]

  • Natalie

    You GUYS I think… I *think* this is my last happy hour as a single lady. I’m fairly sure that my guy has plans to propose soon. We’ve been waiting these past three months because his parents have had some objections to our relationship (suuuuper long story), but I think the wait is over!!!! Wooo! :)

    • Jenni Kissinger

      [Pre]Congrats!

  • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

    I just wanted to be the first to comment (maybe) because I usually never get to be and in fact get here when there are already 350+ comments. But today I’m temping as a receptionist where the things to do run out between 10:30 and 12:30 and while I do still have work to do, I have no doubt I will finish by my 3pm quitting time. In the meantime, I will catch up on the links and make origami animals from the daily origami calendar someone here loaned me for these two weeks. I can’t believe someone really regularly gets paid to sit here and do so little and not help out the rest of the staff (from what I understand, she just plays solitaire for hours).
    I will be posting my origami on instagram. As well, I have taken on the challenge of taking a selfie for everyday in February (I’m three behind because I didn’t start until Meg’s February 3rd Letter from the Editor.
    This is a really hard assignment. 1) I think I need better lighting in my house and 2) I remain hyper-self-critical over my flaws. So every day I just keep repeating “I am enough. I am enough as I am right now. I am enough.”

    • Christina McPants

      I dropped out of the 365 photos because I got really tired of figuring out how to take good selfies and not hate the way I look. So I totally feel that.

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        OMG! 365 selfies? I don’t think I could do that.

    • Meg Keene

      I actually was going to link to your selfie project because I’m finding it very inspiring (next week). It’s also fucking scary because I spent THIRTY MINUTES trying to take a selfie that I wasn’t horrified to put in front of a thousand or so people yesterday.

      Also, receptionist temp fist bump. Fun fact, because I am not young, when The Knot first launched (wayyyyy pre wedding blogs) I would fill hours looking at wedding pictures there. A) I have always liked weddings, B) There was way less on the internet in 2003.

      • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

        Receptionist temps, unite!

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        Yesterday, I took way too many terrible selfies to get to what I posted. I finally had to take a long break and get close. But it’s a project. And now that I think about it, I am accidentally committing myself to creative projects that fall in line with my word of the year – Create (thanks Rachel). Who knows, maybe it will turn up something more rewarding. Perhaps I’ll even start blogging again (gasp!)

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        And at least I have a computer to surf with for this job. My other part-time job largely consists of dusting. Anyone hiring?????

    • Jess

      man, taking a selfie every day is something I don’t think I’m willing to do. I’m awful at it to begin with (Oh, you mean you DIDN’T want only my left nostril in this shot?), and I don’t need the flaw analysis every day. Good for you to go for it.

    • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

      Temping as a receptionist is such a weird world. I did that for a stretch, and I was always floored by how little work I was asked to do.

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        mind-blowing isn’t it?

      • Meg Keene

        Like. No work. Just watch the door. Mmm, ok.

        • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

          The craziest part is when I asked around if anyone needed any help, people were shocked. Apparently there is work to do, they just don’t give it to the regular receptionist. It’s all stuffing envelopes, but still.

          • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

            I always loved when people were impressed I could accomplish seemingly simple tasks–metering mail, making copies, looking up phone numbers/directions online. Most people in the office were middle-aged, but I got a lot of praise for figuring out how the fax machine worked *shrugs*.

          • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

            For the most part, no one WANTED my help. (At many, many companies) They were nice to me, but acted a little distrustful. As if giving me a task that wasn’t answering phones, signing for packages, and taking drink orders for business(mostly)men was going to be some breach of privacy.

            They didn’t have any issues with my using the internet, so I spent most of my receptionist time working on our photography/comics brands and projects and reading APW.

          • Meg Keene

            I used to get regularly offered jobs because I was so… good. And then I’d have to nicely explain I wasn’t in the market for a receptionist job, five more days and I’d kill myself ;)

            At the time I was flat broke and doing creative things. Of course, I secretaries after, but that was actually pretty complex.

          • KC

            I have a lot of respect for the people who are 1. legitimately really good at being full time receptionists (handle all those crazy curve balls correctly and calmly direct people as appropriate), and 2. do not want to kill themselves after a week of it. They are rare birds, and every last one I’ve known has been a really wonderful and exceptional person.

            (back in my office days, I was definitely in the “I can cover for the receptionist for two hours. Then rescue me or give me something else to do or I will run screaming from the building!” camp.)

          • Meg Keene

            Kate, our copy editor, was a really good receptionist. It’s how we met!

          • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

            And then people look at you in horror when you explain you aren’t in the market for that particular job? That at least was my experience.

            There was one investment bank where I temped that was always asking me to work there full time. The people who were asking were very nice, the job was really simple, and I was good at it, but I wanted to stay freelance so I could do my photography. (Also there was only so much cognitive dissonance I could handle, and feeling like Joan Harris every day did not seem like a fun prospect long term.)

  • Anon

    Whenever I read “slow clap” I think of something sarcastic like this: http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/614724-slow-clap. I know it has another positive meaning, but I am always initially confused, like “wait, are they making fun of her dog blog?!”. Ahh, internet language.

    • Meg Keene

      Hahahaha. That would be the meanest ever! The APW staff in general saves the slow clap for things that are PARTICULARLY deserving, and a little bit ballsy.

      • http://andshelovesyou.com/ Lucy

        Yay! :)

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      me too! I love this gif!

    • Kayjayoh

      I’m with you (on slow claps in general….I got this one). It’s so weird that a slow clap can be either really good or really crappy. It’s all in the context, and even then…

  • Magical Unicorn Lady

    Hey… um… so… this round? Apparently? We have a positive.

    BUT! We can’t get excited. Because apparently this could be a chemical pregnancy due the hormones I’ve been on (Clomid w/ Ovidrel trigger and progesterone after IUI). I have bloodtests on Monday and Wednesday.

    Yeah, you try being cautiously optimistic after your first good news in 7 months.

    I want to add the phrase “because I’m PREGNANT” to every sentence I utter. But I can’t. Because we’re not even certain. Deep breaths. So many feelings. Too many feelings. I can’t even drink, dammit!

    • Catherine McK

      Crossing the fingers and toes Mama Unicorn! (and non-alcoholic beer isn’t that bad…wish someone had told me that earlier)

      • moonlitfractal

        I’m looking into finding a keg of non-alcoholic beer now. Either that or ginger-ale. Or both. We put a lot of time and money into installing a kegerator, and don’t want it to go to waste for nine months!

        • Catherine McK

          Good luck with that search! I wanted to come back and report on the best NA beer I have found to date, had it last night and was very happy: Kromcacher Weizen NA. Witbiers aren’t my normal favorite, but it was pretty delicious.

          • moonlitfractal

            Thanks for the recommendation! Hopefully I can find some. In the short term, we’re planning to go with the ginger-beer that a local microbrewery sells in kegs. My sensitive stomach demands so much ginger!

    • emilyg25

      Yay. Congratulations.

      You can tell my optimism is cautious because I used periods, not exclamation points. :) But seriously, nothing but good thoughts coming right atcha.

      • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

        Punctuation win.

    • Emily

      YAY! Fingers crossed for you!

      Not really comparable, but a long, exhausting, purchase of a foreclosed home ended yesterday with keys in hand. As we’ve kept it on the downlow (we weren’t sure it’d ever go through), I am torn between shouting it on all the social medias and waiting until we’ve actually told all our friends.

      • Ella

        That’s so so exciting! Congrats!! We were looking at foreclosed homes and I know they take FOREVER to close. You made it!!!

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        Yay!!! That can take forever. Congratulations!

      • Kathleen

        Any suggestions or resources for looking at purchasing foreclosed homes? We’re starting to look at houses now, and I’ve been steering clear of foreclosures because I’m afraid it will be complicated.

    • http://readingandthensome.blogspot.com/ Martha Smith

      Oh boy! Here’s hoping you can get a doctors appointment as soon as possible! Happy thoughts!

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      Oh my goodness!!!! Keeping my fingers crossed for you- WOW :)

  • Gina

    The “Gay in Russia” story is super hard to read. I have really been struggling with how I feel about the Olympics this year. I’m really into sports and I look forward to the Olympics (winter and summer!) so much. But how do you reconcile that with the stories you’re hearing, not just this one, but stories of Russians being displaced, their houses destroyed with no recompense, stray dogs being poisoned . . . the list goes on. And it’s not just this year. The summer Olympics were in China, a country with its own laundry list of horrific human rights violations where people are still imprisoned and tortured for their religious beliefs.

    Anyone else dealing with these mixed feelings? I realize that whether or not I watch will have no impact on anyone but NBC, a huge network with millions of viewers anyway which isn’t responsible for Russia’s actions, but I still can’t help but feel very conflicted.

    • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

      Huge sports fan here, and I’m also feeling a bunch of conflicting emotions. I was sitting here watching the opening ceremonies and listening to the head of the IOC talk about how valuable and rich the diversity is amongst athletes and how every participant deserves to be treated with respect, and I just felt like… This is kind of bullshit. I’m really not sure I can enjoy the games this year, especially after reading that GQ piece.

    • Ella

      I feel ya. It’s so hard to rationalize a love for the Olympics and simultaneously be angered by a country as it honors itself in such a public way. I’ve decided to watch the Olympics as a way to support my home country and athletes everywhere who ultimately do not (I hope) support Russia’s anti-gay stance and its many other problems. Also, who doesn’t want to watch Billie Jean King as one of the USA delegates? I love that personal middle finger to Russia.

    • http://kara-tanoue.blogspot.com/ Kara T

      Yes. So many mixed feelings. I did quite a bit of work during my undergrad surrounding reporting on human rights issues in Russia, and it’s hard to see all this spectacle and white-washing of what is going on. I do appreciate, however, that these Olympics have shown a spotlight on the issues that are going on, and I try my best to use these as a jumping off point into serious conversations about these issues with people around me. Also, the Google Doodle for today is just perfect.

    • MC

      Yep. Fiance & I don’t have a TV so we can’t watch them anyway, and even though I love watching the figure skating, so many things about this year feel especially yucky. Plus I read this article yesterday:
      http://www.thenation.com/article/178048/why-olympics-are-lot-hunger-games

      Hoping that at the very least the IOC will think a little more carefully about which country will host the Olympics in the future.

      • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

        USTVNow might be a good resource for you, if you’re interested in watching.

    • Jess

      So conflicted. I love the Olympics in general, I love the sports in the Olympics (Summer and Winter), and I am planning to watch the Olympics. But I’m going to feel pretty guilty about doing it the whole time.

      • Gina

        Isn’t that the worst? It’s not supposed to make you feel guilty. It’s supposed to be a celebration of all these amazing athletes and their accomplishments. Sigh.

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      extreme mixed feelings. im not into it at all. my fiance feels the same too. it’s just…it just puts people in a weird place. there’s definitely a heaviness in the world. how can i support something so awful? i seriously pray that things go smoothly and there are no acts of violence or something. ick. ick. ick.

    • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

      I have MAJOR mixed feelings about it as well. I read the GQ article last night and it completely changed my perspective on watching/enjoying the games, I must admit. It’s like I knew about all the other stuff but that article was the one that just did me in. So…yeah, I can’t really decide. Eric and I were talking this morning about how it just feels like The Hunger Games.

      • http://alifeworthwritingdown.blogspot.ca/ Jules

        One of my coworkers mentioned that while we were watching the opening ceremonies this morning. Brings to mind the scrawled message they see from the train, “The odds are never in our favour.”

  • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

    Hi guys, I don’t know if this appropriate. You can’t link to directly to an instagram hashtag, but you can create a storify, http://storify.com/katerees711/apwselfies, or as I sheepishly remembered after creating the storify, even easier, use a 3rd party site to see hashtagged photos. http://ink361.com/app/tag/apwselfies http://ink361.com/app/tag/apwselfie

    • Meg Keene

      Adorable!

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      Awesome!!!

  • vegankitchendiaries

    No mention of ‘usies’??? Apparently “SELFIES ARE DEAD”…. Long live ‘Usies’!!
    http://www.businessinsider.com/selfies-are-dead-its-all-about-the-usie-now-2014-1

    • Meg Keene

      This is just going to make David MORE pissed at me. You watch ;)

      Every night, “Read any selfie articles recently?”

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      Yeah, but isn’t “selfie” in the OED now? I’m not so sure the “usie” derivative is…

      • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

        So in French, “selfie” is “égoportrait,” which is what it looks like…ego+portrait.

  • Dani

    Pusheen has some pretty rad tips on how to take a selfie! http://pusheen.com/post/73666919234

  • Emily

    I resent (or perhaps am hurt by) your comment on Hermione being too good for any of them.
    Yes, JK wrote a lot about first love. Yes, the relationships are flawed. Yes, they’re incomplete. But the comment on Hermione being too good for Ron or Harry (or Krum or whatnot) reminds me of the recent post on marrying down. It’s like you’re saying that because these men aren’t as educated or driven or SMART as her, she shouldn’t marry them.

    That being said, I have a love/hate relationship with authors clarifying after the book is done. Let me use my own imagination, don’t ruin it for me!

    • swarmofbees

      From my perspective, I didn’t like Hermione with Ron because of his anger and jealousy. He could be small minded at times. The differences in ambition and intelligence didn’t really bother me. I chalked it up to youth and hoped that he grew out of it as he became an adult.

      • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

        Wasn’t his anger and jealousy first the result of being a pre-teen with poor communication skills to boot and later from the horocrux?

        • MC

          I understood it as the horcrux really bringing his jealousy issues to light and forcing him to confront them and work through it all. The fact that he came back symbolized, to me at least, that he was mature enough for a relationship to happen. Plus I just love that Hermione kisses him because he started to defend the house elves – an important issue to her that then became important to him! Social justice and love! I really love how that all played out.

          • MC

            Also, this makes me REALLY want to re-read all the books again.

          • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

            We rewatched all of the films between Thanksgiving and New Years and it made me REALLY want to read the books again. I’ve read them twice, except the seventh which I’ve only read once.

            What about you?

          • MC

            Oh man, I think I’ve read every one but the 7th at least 6 times, and the 7th maybe 3 times? (Reading is really my only hobby.) The last time I read them all, I read the whole series backward, and it was actually super interesting, and best of all, all the characters that died in the later books came back to life!

          • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

            wow! that’s impressive. I love the idea of reading them backwards! ;)

          • J

            Listen to them – the version read by Jim Dale. It is so good. I usually listen once a year or so while working/driving/walking the dog.

          • Alyssa

            15 points for having a discussion about horcruxes in an APW thread. My day is now as good as it can possibly be.

      • Kat Robertson

        I totally agree! I never really liked Hermione/Ron much because Ron is kind of a jerk. He is always whining about his life, when, hello, Harry tragically lost both of his parents and his only blood relatives are emotionally abusive. I think Ron was her weakest character and a crappy friend to both Harry and Hermione, which I don’t think a girl like her would put up with for long. I think she started to show him growing out of it in the last half of DH, but I wish she’d done it sooner.

    • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

      I love Ron and Hermione individually, but what I didn’t like about their pairing was that it relied so heavily on the “opposites attract” trope. It seemed kind of like a cop out after all the intensity of the rest of the story. I am a gigantic Harry Potter fan, but I cannot stand that damn epilogue. And I agree, I wish she’d stop clarifying things after-the-fact.

      • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

        AGREED! I felt like in reality, they would have grown up and at least ONE of them would have married someone they didn’t meet when they were ten years old. I felt like…stop trying to make all these relationships happen. It’s not gonna happen. Yes, they went through a war together but it was still just…forced, for me.

        • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

          EXACTLY. And don’t even get me started on those kids’ names…

        • Grace

          I would have preferred a final chapter which talked more about how the world of magic rebuilt itself politically rather than any mention of who married who. It felt wrong to me and honestly a little nauseating.

        • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

          Stop trying to make “fetch” happen!

    • Kate

      JK Rowling said she paired up Ron and Hermione for very personal reasons and as loyal readers it would make sense that we have strong reactions or attachments to characters and their relationships. I tend to agree that Hermione was a little too good for our favorite redhead and chosen one. Not because relationships where education/ambition/smarts are unequal are inherently inferior, but because different people need different things from their relationships, and it’s okay to want a partner who matches you intellectually. Also Hermione was probably tired of taking care of her friends/saving the day all the time. Just sayin’

    • Price of Tea

      I agree! I always felt like my relationship has a lot of similarities with the Hermione/Ron pairing, so it’s been a little sad seeing all the comments this week about how they’re not good for each other and will eventually fail. Obviously real life is very different from Harry Potter (or is it?! maybe my Hogwarts letter is still coming…), but I’ve still taken the attacks on Ron and Hermione strangely personally.

      • NicoleT

        Attacks can definitely be personal if you’ve grown up with something. I’m part of the Harry Potter generation and I strongly defend my love for the series and certain characters (Severus Snape, anyone?)

        • Grace

          Always <3

    • Meg Keene

      HA! You really politicized that. (Which I appreciate, but also HA!) That’s not what I meant, as you can see with my Ginny comment (Ginny was not particularly book smart, at least not like Hermione). I just actually think Hermione was too AWESOME for those boys. They were a little whiny.

      I’m actually glad Hermione married Ron, I mean, I like Ron. I was never a Harry/Hermione shipper, because that makes no sense to me. I also think it’s realistic, a bit. I routinly know women who marry guys who I think are just not as awesome as they are.

      But. I still think Hermione was just flat out… more interesting a person. And not because of her grades.

      • Price of Tea

        I was totally unaware that “ship” is a word now, but it has been all over the articles about this this week!

        • Meg Keene

          It’s not a word “now,” per-say. Harry/Hermione shippers were a particular subset of Harry Potter fans that thought H&H were going to get together. The articles are just using HP fan slang, because only Harry Potter fans are going to care enough to write the articles.

          • Price of Tea

            Just read the Wikipedia article on “shipping” and am gonna start using it myself!

        • Jenni Kissinger

          Shipping is hard to explain but is so convenient to use with others who know what it means. You should also know OTP–One True Pairing. (I learned all this from my sister’s tumblr.)

        • Alix

          Shipping as a term actually started way back with Mulder and Scully :)

          • Price of Tea

            Oh man, my husband was (is) a huge X Files nerd…I’ll have to ask him about “shipping” when I get home.

          • Lindsay

            You beat me to it! I was a hardcore shipper.

        • Pinkrose

          It isn’t a word, it’s a suffix; though a useful one. (-)ship has the meaning of “quality, condition; act, power, skill; office, position; relation between”, the last being the one used in this case. Though the breath of meaning is why we also have such words as ownership, wor(th)ship, workmanship, lordship, dealership, kingship, leadership, hardship, readership, penmanship,….

          One would use it to show relations between two or more people, or that they are relating. A shipper is someone who shows support or encouragement of a bro(ther)ship, sis(ter)ship, relationship(kinship), or friendship between two or more people (though those tend to be called triangles, quadrangles, et c.), or to show wanting of such to form.

          I am going to guess that the dash was dropped because it is annoying to type.

          -hood also has a similar meaning to -ship.

          And “ship” is already a word. It is those large things that float on the water, and is usually propelled by an engine or a sail; and most being that large are ocean going.

    • Meg Keene

      Oh, and I don’t know that I agree with the first love article, though I found it interesting and need to go do a more in depth read. I mean, around here Maddie married her first love (ish, I suppose, her High School boyfriend at least), and I married someone I’ve been friends with since he was 14 and I was 15. And I’ll defend my first love till the day I die, bless that boy.

    • Sarah E

      I’m not a big fan of authors clarifying their works afterward, either. Unless it’s a specific thematic element (and not example pops to mind), I agree- it chips away at the imaginative world inside my head! It’s why I avoided all the fan sites as the books were being published, too.

      • JSwen

        Have you read Game of Thrones? I’m so confused by the notes from the author directly to the reader in those books. He even apologizes for releasing books too slowly for his fans.

        • Sarah E

          I haven’t, though my partner and my whole family have read or are reading it. I caught one episode of the show and wasn’t really into it. My partner tells me that the author is a jerk for releasing books quickly, then purposely not releasing completed books just to draw out the money. Nothing I’ve heard about the plot, the characters, or anything really makes me want to commit to the book

          • NicoleT

            YES. I brought several of those books with me when I studied abroad and it was the worst waste of time ever. It seemed to me like he was writing just to hear himself talk. I personally was disappointed by the books, but clearly a lot of people disagree with me, so take that as you will.

    • JSwen

      Don’t throw anything at me for saying this, because it’s in the vain of “let me use my own imagination,” but I don’t remember liking Hermione when reading the books. At all. I kind of thought she was a jerk and I didn’t understand why there had to be a love story. Ah well. I suppose it wouldn’t be a YA novel without some romance. :)

      • jashshea

        I really didn’t like that character after reading books 1-3 UNTIL I saw the movies. After that I just loved Emma Watson too much to dislike her. And, really? I was a know it all 11 year old girl, not sure why I couldn’t love that about H.

    • Kat Robertson

      As someone who has never been a fan of Ron/Hermione, I totally agree with you about authors messing with canon after the fact (though, to be fair to JKR, I don’t think that was her intention in this case). I tend to believe that on an interpretive level books should belong as much to the readers as to the author.

  • Laura C

    You guys, this week. Monday: Building smells like smoke, we hurry down to lobby, find out it was just someone fell asleep with something on the stove. Tuesday-Wednesday: Intense personal stuff for fiance. Thursday: I bite into a cookie and break a tooth.

    Possibly making up for most of it? Friday: Fiance gets TWO interviews for clerkships in places I actually want to live.

    In weddingland, a bit concerned that my effort to accept more of the stuff my FMIL wants to give me is turning into her going a little overboard. We’d told her that we didn’t want to give favors unless there was something that felt like us, and certainly didn’t want to spend like $20 apiece. So it felt ok when she suggested something that kind of fits with my values and only costs $2-3 and I was ok with going along with that. But now seemingly there’s something else she has in mind and maybe has bought already? So it may be time to go back to BOUNDARIES, which is frustrating and stressful.

    • Jenni Kissinger

      Yay for the interviews! That’s great news! I read your story on the self-full wife post and felt for you but had nothing to contribute. I hope they go well!!

    • Kayjayoh

      [waving my hands in the air for the two interviews]

  • Jenni Kissinger

    Last week I went to my best friend’s legalization ceremony. I got to hold their awesome baby as she and her partner became wife and wife. Not ashamed to admit I teared up. The DC courthouse and officiant did a great job.

    On Monday I *finally* heard back from the company about the dream job … and now I have to wait two weeks for an in person meeting to find out more. Uggggghhh. My head knows this is good news, it has to be, but I’m still nervous and wish that I could just *know* already.

    In wedding news, my fiance picked a DJ and I’m still stressing out about ‘maids dresses, probably more than I need to. We’ve set a goal of sending out save-the-dates this weekend. We’re using Glo, I can’t wait for everyone to see the website and all the hard work we put into it!

    • Kate

      I feel like baby-holder is the most awesome wedding person role ever.

      • Jenni Kissinger

        Now I am going to suggest this as my title in the program for their actual wedding ceremony later this year ….

  • Robin

    Happy Friday everyone! This is the first time I’ve been around for Happy Hour since December. It’s been a rough couple of months with far too many stressful things going on, and I’m currently trying to pick up the pieces and put my life back together, including continuing with the wedding planning I’ve been neglecting for months. Just wanted to say thank you to APW and the APW community for posting such amazing content and being an awesome, therapeutic place to spend some down time.

    • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

      sounds rough. hugs.

  • Molly

    I got my wedding band from Blue Nile this week (at a $110 discount, weee!) and basically have our sound system booked for the reception. ALSO I am in talks with a cake baker but might just end up going to Publix because they are the bomb. Nothing really going on in real life world this week. My fiance is still waiting to hear back about a job interview in Denver. Keeping my fingers crossed there. :)

    • Michelle

      Nothing to say except… yay Denver!

      • Molly

        Ever since he had his first phone interview, we’ve been looking into Denver more and it looks like such an amazing place to live. I really hope it works out. We live in one of the most backwards southern states but we’re both very liberal… I’m just gonna say, it would be awesome to be able to live in an area with so many like-minded people. Plus so many amenties! And outdoor activities! It would be a dream come true, basically. That, and it’d be great for his career. I’m trying not to put the cart before the horse but it’s so. hard.

        • Michelle

          We moved here for a job too, mostly because we didn’t like living in northern VA. Neither of us had spent any time here (aside from his 3 hour lunch interview), so we just sort of packed a bag and hoped for the best. It turned out to be a dream come true for us too, we just didn’t know it ahead of time! I hope he gets the interview!

          • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

            I love Denver! The Bay Area is great, but CO (especially Denver, Boulder, and Breckenridge) will always hold a special place in my heart. We’re planning on taking a little trip out there sometime this summer, and I can’t wait! So glad it’s treating you well.

          • Molly

            Hooray! It will probably be that way for us, too. If he got the job his company might fly us out for a few days to look for apartments, but that’s it. Not worried about that at all though. We shall see!

        • Gina

          It IS an amazing place to live. You mention the liberal thing, but coming from very liberal California, what I love about Colorado is that everyone has very diverse beliefs and people are WAY more accepting of a variety of viewpoints here than in California. Colorado has a super-high percentage of registered independents. My socially-liberal, fiscally-conservative, always-confused self has finally found a home :)

          Also, outdoors= AMAZING. And I just read an article in 5280 about how 50% of Colorado residents are transplants, so you’d be in good company. The first question anyone ever asks when they meet you is “where are you from?”

          • Molly

            With my accent, it wouldn’t take them long to tell. :) Hoping against hope!! That sounds amazing. Seriously.

        • Bsquillo

          I too am a transplant from the South who lives in Colorado. I’ve been here about a year and a half and LOVE it. People always talk about southern hospitality, but folks in Colorado are truly the nicest I’ve ever met. I always half-jokingly say that people in Colorado are just as nice as people in the South, but much less nosy ;)

          It has been ridiculously f*cking cold recently, and there are literally 6 blankets on our bed, but it’s a small price to pay for beautiful outdoor scenery and delicious breakfast burritos whenever you want them.

  • MC

    Okay, registry question: Is it appropriate to use wedding registry gifts before the wedding? Fiance & I are moving into a new place next week (!!!) and it is unfurnished and we don’t have any furniture, nor do we have more than a couple plates, cups, cooking appliances, etc. We’re getting married in 8 months, but we just sent out save-the-dates and our wedding website is up and running. Would it be at all appropriate to write something on our registry page about how we just moved and would love any help in putting together our home? Obviously, we don’t expect gifts from anyone, but I know lots of relatives will want to buy us gifts and it just seems kind of impractical to wait 8 months, since between now and the wedding we’ll need a lot of the stuff that we could potentially put on the registry. We both feel slightly uncomfortable about the idea, but we also will be a little tight on money the next few months and really WOULD appreciate any help. Thoughts??

    • http://kara-tanoue.blogspot.com/ Kara T

      We opened gifts as we got them, and used a few before the wedding. I don’t think you have to feel weird at all. Plus you can get ahead on the thank you notes! (Just don’t send them until after the wedding.) But really, I don’t think this has to be a big deal.

      • Sam2

        Is that a thing? Not sending thank yous until after the wedding?! Well if it is, we screwed that one up! We totally used, wrote and sent thank yous for gifts that arrived before the wedding.

        • Jenni Kissinger

          I think that’s for if you’re thanking them for attending the wedding in the same card? Otherwise it would be weird to read “It meant so much to have you with us on our special day” when there’s still a month to go …

    • Jenni Kissinger

      If you get a gift, definitely use it! If it’s sent before the wedding, there’s no need for it to sit in the box.

      But, is it okay to ask for gifts ‘ahead of time’, as it were? Mmmmm. That’s tricky. Obviously you’d be uncomfortable saying “please send us your gift now instead of 8 months from now.” I think what you wrote is definitely fine for the website–you appreciate their thoughtfulness and love having your community help you build your home together, blah blah blah. Then maybe mention it to the people you love and trust most–your mom, BFF, whatever–that certain things would be much more timely sooner.

      Alternatively, could you have a housewarming party? I think people bring gifts to that. You could put the most essential items on a smaller gift list. OR have a couples shower now-ish. That’s definitely a recognized gift-giving occasion and you could even make it kitchen-themed or whatever. Most people aren’t going to get you furniture so you’re probably out of luck there (if only).

      • MC

        Yeah, we definitely aren’t expecting furniture, but the fact that we have to buy all of our furniture in addition to other things our home needs means less money for everything else. Mattresses are expensive, turns out! And also a pretty big priority.

        We’ll probably have a housewarming party, but we don’t live close to any family and have been living in our city for less than a year. The friends we do have would probably bring food and alcohol to a party – also greatly appreciated!! – but we would not feel comfortable asking for other gifts, especially with the wedding coming up. Bleh.

        • Jenni Kissinger

          Well then I suggest a two-pronged approach! For furniture–craigslist (except for mattress obviously). The couch you get doesn’t have to be your forever couch. We did our first/apartment house with the cheapest furniture we could get, and are slowly replacing things as we can over the years.

          Then, mention your dilemma to that trustworthy person–the one who won’t judge, you don’t mind imposing on, who might call up the other family/friends and mention “yes, and I just bought MC and X a spatula on their registry! I just couldn’t wait for the wedding, seeing as they just moved to City without any items.”

          • MC

            Yes, that is a great idea. I think my mom and my bridesmaids would be great at this task :)

    • emilyg25

      Technically, you’re supposed to wait till after the wedding to use any gifts. This is so you can return the gifts if you cancel the wedding! But this is a little silly. We definitely started using things as soon as we got them.

      But I don’t think you should make a note about getting gifts ahead of time.

    • Meg Keene

      OH USE THEM, for goodness sake. the whole registry thing makes no sense anyway, since you no longer get gifts when you move in together and need them. People want to help. If I found out you were letting my plates sit in a box while you ate off paper ones, I’d kill you.

      • MC

        THANK YOU for the tough love, just what I needed to stop feeling super weird about the whole registry thing.

    • Laura

      Use it! You can also write the thank you note. Then you’ll have potentially 3 things checked off the “after the wedding” list: 1) open the gift 2) put the gift away 3) write thank you.

  • ismetcan

    Hello

  • Kayjayoh

    Also, on the lighter side:

    A Toast Story: How did toast become the latest artisanal food craze? Ask a trivial question, get a profound, heartbreaking answer.
    http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/toast-story-latest-artisanal-food-craze-72676/

    • Jess

      I found that online somewhere a few weeks ago. It was surprisingly wonderful.

      • Kayjayoh

        I saw it somewhere recently, too, but only got to reading it yesterday. I was a tiny bit worried that it had been in a link roundup. :)

        • Jess

          Not yet. I know because I obsessively read everything int he link roundup.

          • Kayjayoh

            I do, too, but after a couple of week I end up “where did I see this link? APW? FB? BoingBoing? Twitter?”

    • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

      Every time you post a link here, I know it’s going to be damn good.

      • Kayjayoh

        [all of the feels]

    • http://kara-tanoue.blogspot.com/ Kara T

      I love this story.

    • lady brett

      someone posted this on facebook recently. only the question part of the title showed up and it sounded not worth reading. turns out, worth reading.

    • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

      Wait, toast is an artisanal food craze?! And here I thought I was up on the latest things…

      Excited to read this article tonight!

  • http://www.missgiggles.com/blog Giggles

    Chicken Kiev for dinner tonight while watching the opening ceremonies.

    • Meg Keene

      I’m going out for work and… well, Tivo, right?

  • Jeanine

    Wow, this week. Serious highs and lows, but ending on a positive note. I am struggling with being lonely in a city that is new-ish to me and have yet to make solid new friends. My work life has way more drama than it should. My health issues are rearing their ugly heads and making me tired. In good news, I got paid to visit the ocean, a bestie had her baby girl and is smitten (and conveyed it adorably via Skype to me), and the hubs’ career future is opening up just as I would dream that it would. I’m ready for a weekend, and I’m grateful to APW for being here and being fabulous.

    Also, shout out to Maddie for sharing the very lovely vintage APW links on self-fullness, because that was/is some excellent writing.

  • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

    Hey, APW: thanks for the bold drugstore makeup article this week. I loved geeking out with all these smart ladies over $6 hot pink lipstick!

    • Meg Keene

      <3

  • aldeka

    Had a five-hour on-site interview on Tuesday, for a job that would have an awful commute (until/unless we move) but would otherwise be super healthy and awesome for me, at least as far as I can tell. Still waiting to hear back and I kind of feel like screaming!

    It’s been 10 months since I had a full-time job, and money is starting to get tight, so I really really hope this one works out. It feels like I’m running out of places to apply, y’know? And I promised B that I’d get a job before we got married–which means before I can really plan anything or choose a venue or set a date or anything like that. The irony is just terrible–I have all the time in the world right now to think about the wedding and make plans, but I can’t actually act on any of it. And it’s kind of distracting from my job search…

    Oh well. I just found out that my uncle finally found a job, and he’s been unemployed for over two years, so I’ll take that as a good sign (even though it means his family has to move to Texas :( )!

    • Kayjayoh

      Fingers crossed

  • Ariel

    One of my awesome friends told me that gold glitter paper lanterns are the way to go (combined with white ones) and I am in. love. with. them. so. much. Seriously, how had I never considered them as an option before?!

    Also, going to Hawaii next week (yay!!!!!!!!), but will be away from the fiance for the longest time (10 days) in our 8 year relationship (insert sad face here).

    • Ariel

      so pretty!

      • swarmofbees

        !!!! I wasn’t going to have glitter in my wedding, it isn’t really me. But. This, this I love. I may have to see if I can hang a few off heh trees at my reception venue.

        • Ariel

          go for it!

      • Laura

        *squeaks*

    • JSwen

      Are you making or buying the glitter lanterns? how/where? Thanks!

      • Ariel
        • NrgGrl

          This website is amazing! Like (wedding-) life-altering-ly amazing.

        • Lindsey d.

          Oh! It’s links like these that send my wedding budget into tailspins. Now officially considering replacing half my planned ghetto terrarium centerpieces with these… LOVE!

        • Bsquillo

          I just discovered Save-On-Crafts this week, and it’s amazing. I ordered 18 perfect green glass bottle vases, WITH shipping, for less than $50.

          And now I have lantern-envy…

        • Lindsey d.

          It’s official! We are ditching the terrariums and going with metallic gold paper lanterns! Thanks so much for the tip! They will be awesome and glittery and SO MUCH LESS work than putting together terrariums…

          • Ariel

            Yay!!! When is your wedding? I’d love to see pictures when you do this!

          • Lindsey d.

            Five weeks! March 15! I’ll definitely share if I can (who knows how long it will take to get the good pics from the photographer)!

      • swarmofbees
    • http://kara-tanoue.blogspot.com/ Kara T

      Where in Hawaii are you headed? (I have tips re:delicious food if you’re headed to Honolulu)

      • Ariel

        The big island and Kauai… I’m chaperoning a school trip, so meals are already all planned out, but thanks!

      • Ariel

        PS I freaking love my job

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      oooh, pretty!

  • Kayjayoh

    And ALSO, this week I learned that there is a law in Wisconsin that gives criminal penalties for going out of state to get married if your marriage isn’t legal in the state. What the actual fuck?!

    Wisconsin gay couples who marry outside state could face penalty
    http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/29412299.html

    “The law imposes a penalty for those who enter into a marriage that’s prohibited or declared void in Wisconsin of up to $10,000 and nine months in prison.”

    • Sara P

      I guess the New York Times missed the message? (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/13/us/twinned-cities-now-following-different-paths.html)

      Seriously, though, that’s awful.

      • Kayjayoh

        I think everybody reading that article that week has been asking, “Wait, what?”

        (Also, your URL seems to want an edit. If you click on it, it goes to “page not found” but it is including the close parenthesis. Take that off and it should be fine.)

        • Sara P

          The link should work now.

          I wonder if they’ve actually prosecuted anyone?

          • Kayjayoh

            I don’t think they have, or it would have made headlines.

            However, my crazy hope is that the existence of the law *helps* with the ACLU lawsuit over the marriage ban amendment. maybe.

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      UGH! That’s awful!!!

    • aldeka

      Wow. Has anyone been prosecuted under this law? I can’t imagine it’s constitutional…

      • Kayjayoh

        I believe it is an old law, originally having to do with age restrictions. I don’t think anyone has been prosecuted under it recently. But given time and a really homophobic DA…

        • Laura C

          It’s like when marriage equality was first in Massachusetts, there was an old law that said that people had to be residents of the state to marry there or something along those lines, dating from when Massachusetts allowed interracial marriage and other states didn’t.

          • KC

            I was just reading a book from 1913 in which characters hop state lines so they can get secretly married with less notice than their home state requires! Their marriage wasn’t legal in their home state until they went through the full paperwork later, much to their annoyance (and much to the bride’s mental confusion! “wait, am I married? but no one in my family knows I’m married. and my marriage isn’t legal here. but we did stand up before the judge. and I have a ring. but I can’t wear it yet or people will go ballistic and I haven’t seen my groom in weeks, and, and…”). (no legal penalties are mentioned in the book)

            I would also imagine allowed-age/parental-consent differences between states would have been a substantial concern in some cases, since that used to vary a *lot* and go pretty young (less so now, I think?).

    • Jess

      Wait, what?! This is a thing?! Excuse me as I go write to congress. I have two friends talking about marriage and having to go to MN or IL. Sh*t.

  • JSwen

    Oh I hope “Goats are the hipsters of the Pacific Northwest” is a real comic.

    As for planning, I can’t believe it but we are down to music, outfits, decorations, cake. THAT’S IT! We could have a wedding without that stuff so I’m considering it the “fun stuff”. Parents are now invited to join in decision making and I can pretty much envision the wedding already. It’s 5.5 months away but I’m glad that we’ll have everything done by March.

    The thing I’m nervous about is the timeline. I’ve read some of the older posts on timelines but the thing is that I want to fit all events up to the family dance within five hours. We have our professional photographer for only 5 hours because as my Dad put it, “we won’t be acting very professionally once the dance starts.” Everything is at the same location (a hall and a big plaza outside) so I think it is do-able. Thoughts? Is five hours enough to include photos, ceremony, cocktails, dinner, toasts, cake, and first dances?

    • Laura

      I think it depends very much on the size of the group and the efficiency of your helpers. I’d ask the photographers what they think!

    • MC

      Our DOC told us that an average wedding is 6 hours from start of ceremony to end of reception (not including after-party), so I would think that’s do-able – of course it depends on how many toasts you’ll have, how long the ceremony will be, how long you’ll want for photos, etc.

  • Sarah E

    So. . .last Friday I was officially let go at the hellish job I was planning to quit. While it sucks that personality-disordered-boss gets her way to keep control and I didn’t have the opportunity to tell my classes (three of which I was forced to leave in the middle of), I am cool with not having to suffer through the month of February still at that job. I have two part-time contract positions that are already active, so I can get the ball rolling on my new task of Kicking Ass and Taking Names (then Invoicing For It).

    This week has been tougher than expected though, because I’m short on money, and long bone-chilling weather and snow. I’ve been in the apartment by myself far too much every day, which is like the “uh, duh” moment of if you want to create your own work. . . you have to go out and create your own work.

    My long, happy weekend of yoga training, dance, and friend-time starts with getting my butt to the local startup networking event that happens every Friday. I swore I’d stay in touch over the summer/fall, but February is a fine time to make a re-debut, especially with my kick-ass personal business cards (hot pink with metallics, please and thank you). Happy Friday, APW :-)

    • Kayjayoh

      Since you were let go and didn’t quit, do you get to file for unemployment? Or is that a moot point, with the contract work?

      Anyway, sorry that it has been a tough week, but here’s to a brighter future without toxic boss.

      • Sarah E

        My friends brought up unemployment right away, but the very next day I signed a (very small) contract, so it’s a moot point. Plus, given her terrible financial record and actual illegal activities when it suits her, I’d rather have as little to do with her and her business as possible.

        Life is brighter not having a terrible wringing-sensation in my gut every day on the way to work :-) And I have plenty of opportunities in front of me, thank goodness!

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      You should be able to get unemployment even with the contract work because it has an end point as well. I wish I’d been laid off – I’ve just been living on savings and part time work for 10 months now.

    • Laura

      Three cheers for no longer working for personality-disordered bosses! Bonus: when you later find a boss who is not personality-disordered, you really REALLY appreciate it.

  • Sam2

    To go back to the yoga article re:race, I found this article a great re-framing of the issue. http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/01/yoga-should-be-a-culture-not-a-cult.html

    • Meg Keene

      Gotta read. The Cut is almost always good.

    • http://thevanillabride.blogspot.com/ Sonarisa

      I enjoyed this one :)

  • E

    It’s been a good week here–we are STILL getting snow (seriously, anyone living in Michigan right now knows that it’s starting to look like the arctic here), but the sun is out today, which is good. I have to head to Chicago this weekend for a bunch of work sessions (which is good because I get to see a ton of my clients, but also bad because I hate Chicago with a passion…sorry, but I do. Long story), and I have debated getting in touch with my “best friend” to tell him I’m coming.

    I use the quotation marks because he and I have an extremely complicated friendship, that was only more complicated this past year when I moved 3 hours away. We are constantly in and out of being mad at each other and some of our friends have compared it to a dysfunctional marriage–and they aren’t too far off. Basically I found out that his husband was doing some super super sketch stuff behind his back, told my friend (about a year ago), my friend FREAKED the fuck out at me and didn’t speak to me for 4 months, and then finally “forgave” me (which…honestly…why I needed forgiving is ridiculous since I was the one showing him the truth that he was, and still is, unable to accept) and we patched things together, though barely….we’ve been in and out of communication and it’s never been the same. That was crappy, but I was willing to let it go for the sake of rekindling a totally rockstar friendship…. Anyway, we haven’t spoken since November–no idea why, he just stopped responding to emails and texts and (I know this is BEYOND PETTY), will not like ANY of my photos on Instagram (I should write a whole article about the passive aggressiveness of IG).

    Anyway, long story short, I really think it’s time for me to just hang up the spurs on this friendship–we had a great run, 5 years of being incredibly close friends and doing all sorts of wonderful things as friends but now it’s just too complicated….friendship breakups, I think, are sometimes even worse than relationship breakups….right? Any positive good stories out there about friendship breakups and how to really do them well and not messy? I feel like I’ve been trying to say goodbye to this friendship for a year now and it isn’t getting any easier….jksdlfjksldjfs, ugg! :)

    • Sarah E

      I don’t have positive friend breakup stories- one friend broke up with me directly, we semi-patched it together (though I didn’t trust her at all), and then I broke up with her passive aggressively. Later, I was broken up with friend-wise when I couldn’t reciprocate romantic feelings. That sucked massively (“you broke my heart in pieces and now it hurts too much to talk to you” sucks for all parties for all reasons, even when one party is in a great new relationship).

      Anywho, I’m a tough love kind of person when it comes to relationships. If your friend isn’t adding joy to your life, it may be time to let the friendship go. Toast (by yourself, not with him) the good times, send good thoughts for him out into the universe, and let it be. When friendships give you more drama or heartbreak or crappy feelings than the warm-fuzzies, then it’s time to direct your energy to a more positive place. Best of luck with whatever you choose to do, though. There’s certainly no easy answer.

    • Jess

      It sounds like, since you haven’t spoken since November and not on good terms for a year, you kind of are friend-broken-up? It’s already kind of messy, dragging it out into a scene of “I really just don’t want to be friends anymore” might just make it messier.

      Maybe this is one of those cases where it’s ok to just not purposefully contact him, and not be especially inviting if he contacts you.

  • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

    Just as a side note–and someone probably already mentioned this….but love that Google has a rainbow themed banner with Olympics athletes today–damn straight, Google.
    Internet first bump to YOU.

    • Sam2

      Or rather, not so straight and we like it ;)

      • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

        Well played–in my excitement, I didn’t even realize my choice of language. Sigh. Still love it. :)

  • lady brett

    so, i missed happy hour last week, but the complete guide to not giving a fuck that y’all posted almost exactly sums up what i was doing instead. it was a great week. now that i’m home i’m trying to figure out how to incorporate that freeing not giving a fuck into my real life, which is feeling especially stuck. it’s something of a disconnect between inspiration and possibility. i’m just ready to get a move on, but we have a damn degree to wait for.

    • lady brett

      but in less angsty news: we bought a bedframe! my honey has been hassling me for a bedframe for…ever. i finally gave in. we got the 2nd cheapest thing ikea sells (and drove it 9 hours tied to the car in a rainstorm). turns out, our super-awful mattress was actually a super-awful box spring and our mattress is fine and comfortable on slats! so i had to do the “you were right and i was wrong” speech, because the bedframe is, in fact, really nice.

      • Crayfish Kate

        Glad it turned out, we LOVE our Ikea bedframe too! :-D

  • Kirstin

    Around 10 am my fiance and I almost made a spur of the moment decision to adopt another pet, because it was cute and cuddly, and had an adorable name. We already have two, but that didn’t stop us from making plans to head over to the humane society after work to meet the little guy and bring him home. It totally derailed my work productivity for the day, as it’s all I could think about. By 2 pm he was adopted and his profile pulled off of their site. So sad.

    Definitely made me stop to think, woah, where the heck did that come from?! Because all we’ve talked about is how we couldn’t handle another pet, don’t have room for one in our apartment, and clearly have a million other things to be doing right now other than refereeing epic pet battles. And now I am going to go home and make sure that we have a conversation about what our goals are, and how we can align our decision making with them.

    Because woah, what if it had been about a car, or a house, or any number of other decisions? Maybe that was a near miss.

    • Jenni Kissinger

      Maybe that pet is from another dimension and projected psychic commands to Come Adopt Me Now.

      …or goal setting and establishing a decision making process. That too.

    • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

      Ha! We did a very similar thing-we were at a farmer’s market in Charleston, SC a few months ago on our road trip, saw this adorable red tick hound for adoption and in the matter of like…8 minutes, adopted her. Seriously, the folks were like pushing her into our lives. She was great for 2 weeks and then we got home to Michigan and our other dog (also a rescue who we’ve had for about 5 years and is, no joke, my spirit animal), broke her leg and had to have massive surgery. Then I had like 134342 panic attacks because I was like “There is NO way we can have 2 dogs and this massive bill from this surgery and oh jeeze my life is falling apart”–lots of crying. My mother, always pragmatic, told us to take the new dog to the vet and have it put to sleep (on Christmas Eve no less). Who knows, she just thought that was the best choice….My husband and I didn’t do that…obviously–and then things settled down and Tasha our broken legged dog is healing and RuthAnn, the hound, is getting better and learning all the rules of the house and just went for a 3 mile walk with me in the snow (this is a Souther lady and she does NOT like winter) and is now sleeping quietly–

      Things will work out with your new pet. Just give it time and enjoy the process! We definitely learned a thing or two about how we make decisions and also about ourselves as “parents” and it’s been quite a learning experience….best of luck!!

    • Crayfish Kate

      Heeee this sounds like us! We had two cats at the time, and we stopped in the pet store “just to look around and compare food prices.” Ha! Joke was on us, b/c we walked in, & there was THE CUTEST, tiniest, gray fluffball of a kitten. He was the only one in his cage, & was so terrified he was curled up in the corner of his litterbox. Fiance was immediately smitten, and secretly so was I, but I was being the grown-up and saying no, we already have two. We left to run our other errands for the day, and at one point I asked him “Okay so if we got the kitten, what would you name him?” He goes “I don’t know, Crouton maybe?” SOLD. So we drove back, and upon walking in front of the cage, the kitten recognized us from earlier that day, sat up and started screaming as loud as his little 1.5 lb body would allow. He stuck his paws through the cage & purred when I petted him. 1.5 years later, he’s now 16 lbs. and sleeping on the couch opposite me. Moral of the story – we’re suckers for cute animals.

      • Leslie

        I was out of town for the weekend and super late to this party, and probably you won’t read this, but I just wanted to say — CROUTON!! <3 <3 <3

        • Crayfish Kate

          Haha I know, it’s the cutest name ever. He’s still really cute, just huge now. We like to say he was a little crouton when we got him, and now he’s a loaf! :-D

  • NrgGrl

    Practical question for all of you practical people: Does anyone have tips for minimizing the amount of glassware you need to rent for your reception? I’ve seen a few examples on the internet where guests’ “escort cards” are actually just glasses with their names on them. (I’m assuming the objective is for guests to use the same glass for beer/wine/whatever throughout the night.) Does this actually work in practice? Will people be appalled if I expect them to put beer and wine in the same glass? Another option might be to DIY some wine glass charms or something. Are there other ways to ensure that everyone uses approximately one wine glass, one beer glass (whatever that is), and one water glass? Just wondering!

    This is one of those ridiculously detail-related questions that I’m afraid to ask anyone else, lest they realize the full extent of my “wedding brain” (see: http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/07/wedding-brain/).

    • Jenni Kissinger

      I think it’s a great idea. At dinner parties, we use the wine charms (although some people forget their charm, so the name thing might be a better option) and beer bottles. I think there wouldn’t be too many people who would switch between beer and wine? But maybe that’s just me.

    • http://thevanillabride.blogspot.com/ Sonarisa

      Names are super easy, especially if you write them on instead of asking the guests to do so (because no matter what you say, great grandma will refuse to write on your “good glassware”. Also, encourage people to use just one glass with a cute sign. Etsy is filled with cute things like this (https://www.etsy.com/listing/123160946/wedding-bar-drinks-sign-heres-your-glass?ref=exp_listing ) and you could easily make one on your own.

    • KC

      So, a “low rent” option on glassware might be to use archival tags on stemware with peoples’ names pre-written (or have them write their own, but do pre-attach the tags?).

      These are wooden: http://www.amazon.com/Wood-Blank-Wooden-Decor-Weddings/dp/B005TKYHCS/

      Or you can go to an office supply store and get More Than You Will Ever Need, pre-strung, for about $12: http://www.amazon.com/Avery-Marking-Strung-Inches-12207/dp/B001E6CYOO/

      Or you can get a hole punch and some heavy-duty cardstock and print and cut out and string your own. :-)

      Advantage of pre-strung ones is, obviously, that you won’t have to be stringing the stupid things through their little holes. (to put them on something, you just wrap the loop around the stem of the glass, push the tag through the opposite end of the string loop, and pull the tag. Tada! To remove, either reverse this process, or use a handy pair of scissors…) But if the numbers aren’t huge, that’s not so big of a deal.

      I haven’t seen a good option for non-stemware marking (that’s easily removeable but not so easily removeable that it comes off in-process), although I’m now wondering whether dry-erase markers with the name written not-large (so as to max out the area you *can* hold the glass by) might do the trick…

      In any event, having a few extra glasses might be a good plan. But you should definitely be able to cut down from “1 glass before dinner, two glasses during dinner, two glasses after dinner” or whatever the normal formula is.

      Hope it all goes well!

      • http://thevanillabride.blogspot.com/ Sonarisa

        Permanent marker is usually pretty good about coming off in the wash, but unless the glasses get really sweaty should stay on ok. Definitely test it before the wedding though.

        • NrgGrl

          Phew. Thank you all. These are good ideas. I like the stemware tags idea, and I may have found a solution to the beer/pilsner glass problem: chalkboard labels/stickers! They are supposedly removable, which is great!

          I suppose this would mean I’d be committing myself to not only labeling up to 100 glasses, but also un-labeling them prior to returning them! Bleh. I’ll have to think about that one. ;) Maybe I’ll probably do a test-run with these to make sure they are, in fact, removable: http://www.amazon.com/40-Chalk-Labels-Chalkboard-Rectangles/dp/B00772HUR0

          Thanks again!

          • KC

            Yeah, it’s the unlabeling part that’s the “sticky” part for non-stemware. ;-) (and why I wouldn’t recommend conventional non-removeable labels with rented glassware, since you’ve got a time limit for turnaround and that would be a painful post-wedding task)

            A test run seems like a good plan! (also: make sure your test run includes leaving the labels on for however-much-in-advance you’d want to label the things, because some labels are easy to remove within hours… and not so easy after, say, a week.)

            What about grease pencil? (I think that’s what they use to mark the bottom of ceramics in thrift stores and whatnot? Stays on decently but not *too* hard to remove…)

            (now also wondering how the “extra-sticky” post-it notes would do, adhesion-wise…)

            The other thing is that whatever you do doesn’t have to work *perfectly*, just well enough for people to 1. know they need to keep track of their glasses and generally just use only one, and 2. facilitate reuse “enough” (so: working well enough that if people leave their glass somewhere briefly, most can identify their glass again).

          • KC

            (oh, also: I’d suggest using chalkboard markers if you go for chalkboard labels. Doesn’t rub off as easily when dry and much easier to write legibly with on a smaller scale than normal chalk, generally.)

  • Laura

    I feel obligated to shout KANSAS WEDDING all over happy hour this week. But I’ll settle for shouting it only once: KANSAS WEDDING!!

  • http://andshelovesyou.com/ Lucy

    Thanks for everyone who’s visiting our dog blog! We worked hard on it. Consider submitting a story if you’ve got one!

    Now I’m on to relaunching my personal site. It’s like I’m trying to have three jobs or put money away or something. ;)

    • M.

      Oh dude. Yes. Such stories. Can’t wait to submit! If my life’s work could be dog-rescue related, I would be a happy camper.

    • Moe

      My dog is named Lucy, and everytime I see you mentioned here it amuses me a little bit. :D

      • http://andshelovesyou.com/ Lucy

        True Life: I know 4x as many animals named Lucy than I do people. And Bryan’s family has a cat named Lucy, so that gets hilarious from time to time.

        • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

          literal-lol. ;) my ex-boyfriend’s family had an odd habit of naming dogs after people they knew. so not long after we were dating katy dog arrived.

  • http://thevanillabride.blogspot.com/ Sonarisa

    Well, I’m less than two months out from the wedding. Everything coming together really well, and for some reason I’m starting a million DIY projects I hadn’t intended to do in the first place. (Seriously, I did all of my DIY projects back in November. What is this?) But they keep me busy which is better than worrying. They also are usually finished about an hour after I start them, so not bad that way either.

    I’m also second guessing a lot of my decisions, even though I’ve wanted them for the past 10 months, and it’s way too late to change most things. Anyone else have similar feelings? Or tips to get through them?

    Also, the hurricane glass to keep our unity candle from blowing out during our outdoor ceremony is about an inch too short for our unity candle (the one we made together while talking about what being married is going to be like). So now I need to find another one of those too.

    BUT THERE WILL BE A WEDDING IN TWO MONTHS, AND ALL OF OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE COMING, AND WE’RE GETTING MARRIED AND IT WILL BE AWESOME!!!

    Sorry, I need to keep reminding myself :)

    • Laura

      I’m a big second-guesser! On more than just the wedding. This post helps: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-second-guessing-yourself-5-tips-to-feel-at-ease-with-decisions/

      In it, the author talks about always being in a state of flux, which reminds me of one of the core beliefs around here: your wedding is not Timeless. Or a more recent article, thinking of the wedding as a snapshot. So, the decision you made 6 months ago, or hell, a week ago, might be different than the decision you would make today, and that’s ok. I say, if you are second-guessing it because you hate it, then change it if it’s not a large extra expense or a huge pain in the butt. But if you’re second guessing because you think you haven’t picked the BEST option, just remind yourself that it was the best option for you in that moment, put it away, and go back to your DIY.

    • emilyg25

      Yes to the second guessing. Just remind yourself that you already made your decision and it’s not up for debate. Easier said than done, I know. But still, it must be done.

  • Lindsey d.

    We finally made a decision on the honeymoon, thanks in large part to an incredibly generous check from his grandparents with explicit instructions to have a great trip. So hopefully we will buy our plane tickets for Barcelona(!) this weekend.

    So, my question for APW is whether anyone has experience with vacation apartment rentals in Barcelona? Companies you recommend?

    • Mezza

      I don’t have answers to your questions (yet), but I am also going to Barcelona for a (belated) honeymoon in April! At the moment I’m stalking plane tickets – I do a lot of travel booking for work and the tickets currently cost more than I think they should. I’ll definitely keep an eye on this thread to see if anyone has apartment suggestions.

      Do you have plans for what to do on the trip? I’m excited about food, wine, architecture, and soccer.

      • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

        I was in Barcelona last April with my fam, and I DEFINITELY suggest going to a Barca game. The atmosphere is crazy–it might have been my favorite part of the whole trip. The tickets (I think we just bought them on StubHub?) weren’t even very expensive (maybe $40-50/person) and we were in like the 4th row. Pro tip: eat and *drink* beforehand because there are super slim pickings in terms of snacks at the stadium, and they only sell non alcoholic beer there ;-).

        • Mezza

          I’m trying to figure out how to actually see a game – the team has an away the week we’re there, but if we stay a day longer we could see one. Even if that doesn’t work out (school schedules don’t allow much flexibility), I know they do tours of the stadium that go into the locker rooms and everything. I’m a big soccer fan (though not Barca in particular) and definitely want to do that at least.

          Thanks for the tips! Especially the winery – we want to rent a car for a couple days and wander around the small towns (maybe into Andorra just because it’s there) and that winery sounds like a great stop!

        • Lindsey d.

          Ooh! My FH would LOVE going to a Barca game… Checking schedule…. Darn! They will be in Madrid the week we are there….

          Thanks for the winery tip. Our plan right now is basically not to overplan (since the stress of wedding and travel planning would probably kill me). We found a good looking “5 Days in Barcelona” itinerary to follow, but will skip the beach day (highs in the low 60s does not equal beach weather to this Gulf coast couple) and we’ll have an extra day. Right now thinking bike tour for one day. A winery sounds amazing!

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      OMG jealous :) :) :) We were planning on the Amalfi Coast and Rome for forever, but this past week we completely scrapped those plans (first year anniversary trip maybe!) because of money. We’re going to Costa Rica instead. Have an awesome trip!!

      • Lindsey d.

        Thanks!

    • jashshea

      Ooh! Want to go there so so so much. Tracking this conversation for advice.

    • http://alifeworthwritingdown.blogspot.ca/ Jules

      Maybe try airbnb? It’s a bit homier than just renting a regular apartment and sometimes you get to meet the host and learn cool things about the city.

    • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

      My family and I visited Barcelona last year (oh jeez, actually in 2012–time flies), and we absolutely loved the city. The one thing we would have changed about our trip would have been to rent an apartment instead of staying in a hotel, so you’re already on the right track (in my mind)! Though I haven’t used either of them, I’ve had friends that have had great success with both AirBnB and VRBO, so that might be a good place to start. I don’t know anything about the pricing, but I would suggest looking for places over by Las Ramblas, specifically near Mercat de La Boqueria, a huge open air market on the major walking street in the city. When we were there, we wished we could have bought a bunch of produce (and seafood and cured meats and bread–Barcelona = yum) from the market and brought it to a house and cooked with it ourselves. Have the best time in a beautiful city!!

      • Lindsey d.

        Yes! Glad to hear we are on the right track. We are planning to be total tourists and stay in the Rambla section, or Barrio Gotico or La Borne. I can’t wait to market shop and picnic and everything else!

    • Lynsey

      We were in Barcelona in August. My biggest piece of advice is to purchase your tickets online if you plan to see La Sagrada Familia (Which I highly highly recommend). We arrived shortly after it opened and the (non-moving) line stretched around the block! After waiting in line for approximately 45 minutes (moving only about an inch) and realizing we were going to end up wasting the entire day in line, we left. That night, we purchased tickets online for the following morning at 9am and printed them out in the hotel lobby. We walked right in! It was a breathtaking space. My fiance and I still talk about it. I recommend going in the morning when the sun is low in the sky. The sun comes through the stained glass windows and washes the whole sanctuary in gorgeous colors. By noon the sun is too high and you miss out on that gorgeous effect.

      The online ticket tip would work for any of the Gaudi homes. If you have to choose, I would recommend Casa Batllo over La Pedrera. While La Pedrera is famous for its rooftop views, Casa Batllo had stunning interiors. La Sagrada Familia was our favorite, but definitely go to Park Guell (it’s free!). We went at sunset and got some gorgeous photos looking out over Barcelona all the way to the ocean.

      I also have to make a plug for Taller de Tapas in Las Ramblas. Incredible sangria, and mouthwatering tapas. Really unique flavor combinations at affordable prices.

      Have a fantastic time!!

  • Lost Anon

    So it’s been a low, weird week for me. Yesterday’s post on being a self-full wife sent me spiraling, as it came on the tails of a glowing performance review and small raise…for a job I tolerate only in my baby family’s financial interests, and for which I’m crazy overqualified. It’s great to hear I’m doing well and they like me, but it sorta underscored how lost I feel, how much I want to hustle and work myself into the ground…but I don’t know at what exactly, and my current day-to-day is sapping everything out of me. The energy (physical, mental) is hard to find. Still feeling raw. HOWEVER. Trying to make lemonade. Printed this out for my office https://www.etsy.com/listing/159780588/digital-download-like-a-boss-print?ref=shop_home_active_3 and ordered some cute pushpins. Going to make this seem as much like an environment I can thrive in as possible, to make the grind that much brighter.

  • ART

    mailed our awesome invitations (festival poster style! sweet map! pretty printed addresses and cool stamps!) and bought tablecloths this week. now i am designing a poster to use as a seating chart that we can stamp numbers onto later, once we know how many people are actually coming (vistaprint 50% sale…the time is now).

    also i read this this week and cannot stop thinking about it: http://www.blackgirldangerous.org/2014/02/4-ways-push-back-privilege/

  • ElisabethJoanne

    My husband continues to heal from his surgery, and we continue to not receive any bills for it. Thank you for your good wishes.

    I hadn’t quite mentally prepared, though, for 2 weeks of doing all the chores myself. And I hadn’t prepared as a practical matter at all. I spent four hours Sunday evening cooking big pots of food to get us through the week, the equivalent of maybe 2 or 3 times what I’d make for myself for a week of dinners when I was single. Then I realized that since he has lunch and dinner at home, really I needed about 5 times as much food as I used to make. He seems to be OK after supplementing with canned food and take-out, though.

    And Sunday’s dishes are still in the sink. No idea how we’d manage with a child. But I have this mini-warning, and will spend next week making better habits.

    • Sarah S

      I hope your husband’s recovery goes smoothly! When my husband was recovering from abdominal surgery we were also planning to move halfway across the country as soon as the doctor would give him the all clear (three weeks later), so I hear you on struggling with the practical details of doing it all alone.

      What really helped me was letting friends and family help us out. That couple of extra meals or even just time spent keeping him company were so appreciated.

  • Pileofstix

    RE: Selfies. This pieces from Salon talks about a life where selfies maybe aren’t even an option”

    http://www.salon.com/2014/02/05/too_poor_for_pop_culture/

  • Bsquillo

    So…as someone who thrives on *having a plan*, I’m starting to feel the pressure of a VERY busy spring and lots of looming dates and deadlines. Our wedding is 4 1/2 months away, my recital for my master’s degree is in ONE MONTH, I’m handling several larger events as an artist liaison this spring, and I’m traveling with a band to China the month before our wedding. Plus, I have no effing clue what I’m going to be doing income-wise after I graduate in May- the only plan really is to freelance gig and teach and really hustle to build up work (I’m a musician). I would hunt for other job opportunities, but there’s basically no time in my life to do that right now.

    Can someone just give me a virtual fist bump and tell me it’s all going to work out fine? Or does anyone want to share a virtual drink with me?

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      I’m four months away today. Virtual drink shared!!

      • YetAntherMegan

        I hit four months away today too. I’ll have a real drink if you want to join in remotely!

    • NicoleT

      I feel you SO MUCH. I was a musician as well (now applying to med school) and I’m teaching privately right now and living with my parents until I get married. My FH is also a musician and working several jobs while getting his doctorate. It’s not easy. I wish you the best of luck!

      • Bsquillo

        Word! My fiancé is also a musician (yay, musician couples!) and getting his doctorate while I’m finishing my master’s. We have lots of conversations about “how the hell are we ever going to make any money?” Those are fun!

        Best of luck with applying to med school! I know several former musicians who are EXCELLENT doctors.

        • NicoleT

          Yay musician couples indeed and thanks! I’m glad to know there’s at least a chance I’ll be a good doctor. It’s been weird interacting with some of my former musician friends. Some are cheering me on and others…well, it sometimes feels like I’m getting slighted because I “gave up” or something. Giant toasts to us no money folks! I’ll let you know if I figure out any good recipes using cat food :p

        • Crayfish Kate

          While we’re not musicians, my fiance is also finishing up his doctorate, while I just finished my Master’s. I had no idea there were other couples on the same crazy route! I always tell people, if I could offer them one piece of advice, it would be “don’t have two people in grad school at the same time.” Glad to know we’re not the only ones in this boat! :-D

    • emilyg25

      *virtual fist bump*

      So my husband has an infuriating habit of saying “It will work out.” Which is infuriating because how do you know??? And yet, it always manages too. Maybe not as soon as I’d always like, but eventually, it does.

      *virtual drink* to that! (Mine’s white wine. What’s yours?)

    • jashshea

      That’s a ton of changes all at once – YOWSA!

      It will all work out. Promise. Keep plugging away. Fist bumps and cocktails, all around!

    • Laura

      *virtual fist bump* And it WILL work out. It will be nuts and you will be stressed, but it will work out. Also, raising my second (third?) glass of wine to you! Confrats on all the things.

    • Caitlin_DD

      Fist bump and pre-emptive welcome to China! If you have any questions, please fell free to let me know!

  • NicoleT

    For all of you who have netflix, there’s an awesome show I’ve just discovered called Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. It takes place in the 1920s (ish) in Australia. Phryne Fisher just goes around solving murders, being her awesome self, and standing up for women everywhere. I love it! She is also one of the few characters I’ve seen in a murder show who bother to ARM themselves when tracking down a dangerous killer.
    Also, we’ve started to (once again) get into venues! I have discovered a conspiracy as well. All the venues we don’t like have incredibly organized and courteous staff. The venues we are interested in apparently hired a horse who can’t even spell the word ‘organized’ and gave it the position of head coordinator. *sigh*

    • ART

      glad i wasn’t taking a sip when i read that last part…i’d have ruined my keyboard! going to check out Miss Fisher, thanks for the rec.

      • NicoleT

        It’s awesome! I know you’ll love it :)

  • Beth R.

    In other “selfie” news (god, I hate that word, couldn’t we have come up with a better word?), every month my department has a photo contest and the subject today for this month’s was…selfies! Picked using a randomizer, so my manager’s spreadsheet must be in on the conspiracy. My instagram is private, or I would link to mine, but it was fun to see what everyone came up with!

  • jashshea

    Just saw this, had to share (Still con-calling on the east coast):

    http://gizmodo.com/these-century-old-selfies-make-instagram-look-like-a-jo-1518377754

  • Shotgun Shirley

    I was put on bed rest this week, and it’s been not much fun, but at least I got to read more APW. <3
    I'm trying for a half day in the office on Monday but if that doesn't go well, it's 10 more weeks of bed rest. So… fingers crossed.

  • Blind Irish Pirate

    I’m going to point to a great piece that APW featured called “About Marrying Down.” And that will be my platform for saying we should not be judging Hermione’s choice to get with Ron. Maybe she was too good for him on paper, but, as that author wrote, the heart wants what the hearts wants. I actually had really strong feelings around that discussion and I had absolutely no interest in Harry Potter after I finished the book series.