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APW Happy Hour


Confetti gif! Pop, bang, mess!

by Meg Keene, Editor-In-Chief

APW Happy Hour | A Practical Wedding

HEY, APW!

It feels like this week hasn’t even started yet, and now it’s over. Which is not great for my to-do list, but is pretty awesome for baby cuddle time. BUTTTTT. The week was long enough for Maddie and I to get together and turn a confetti push pop into an enormous mess .gif. We’re amazing right? I’m duly impressed with our technical prowess/ mess making abilities myself.

APW Happy Hour | A Practical Wedding

For those of you that are sad that you miss the behind the scenes madness of things like our photoshoots, or who just want MOAR APW ALL THE TIME, we’ve been ramping up our sharing on Facebook, as well as sharing the pretty on Instagram, so join us for the all-the-time party. More outtakes of these shoots to come, including the totally ridiculous “test shots” Maddie insisted on doing of me, because, “She never gets to take bad pictures of people ever.” You’re welcome, Maddie.

With that, it’s your open thread. Make the magic happen! Plus, share your best links from the week, please. I need more weekend reading.

XO
MEG

Highlights of APW This Week

The most beautiful Silverlake backyard wedding you ever did see, planned in seventeen days, for $10K(ish). And here’s how they did it.

“No matter how many phone calls we get in the middle of the night, or how many hospital rooms we have to visit, where you go I will go.”

Marrying up: straddling classes, unexpected class privilege. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

What to expect when you’re not expecting… yet.

Coming out to your family, while you’re engaged.

And only our new most favorite tutorial we’ve ever done, nbd.

Link Roundup

Before and After: Kiev on Instagram. How quickly normal life can be plunged into darkness.

We posted about this on Facebook, but are interested in your take on this article on marriage from the New York Times.

Oh yeah, Radioshack? Tell me about how you’re evolving DIY into DIT.

This brilliant piece on why writers are such procrastinators (turns out it’s not just because the Internet is so shiny and distracting).

Bode Miller changes his mind and the rights of pregnant women along with it.

Meet the lady who straight up rocks a beard.

A list of the custom gender options now available on Facebook.

photographic ode to spinsterhood.

The Business Baby meme. Go forth and be amused.

Thumbnail image and .gif by Eyes and Hart for APW

APW’s 2014 Happy Hour’s are sponsored by Monogamy Wine. Thank you Monogamy for helping make the APW mission possible! if you want to learn more about monogamy (and possibly win birthday treats), head over here and sign up for their newsletter.

 

Meg Keene

Meg is the Founder and EIC of APW. Her first book, A Practical Wedding: Creative Solutions for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration, was published in January 2012, and has been a top three bestseller on the wedding bookshelf ever since. Meg has her BFA in Drama from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and son. For more than you ever wanted to know about Meg, you can visit MegKeene.com.

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  • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

    Woo hoo! I’m here on time for once! And I’m one of the first ones! This is amazzzzzing. I feel so powerful!

    Ok, good week–busy, but good. Right now I’m listening to a really solid lecture about The Great Gatsby on itunes and editing while it blows another polar vortext outside the window.

    Butttt…..We’re getting ready to leave for our 2nd round of our long road trip for the Rolling Elopements thang next Sunday–this time we’ll go through the South mostly and into the Southwest, gone from Michigan for about 8 weeks total. Yeah! Warmth! APW weddings! Travel! Sunshine! BBQ! Finally!

    But here’s what’s been plaguing me and I know that you APWers will have some good suggestions–my hair. Yes. my hair. I am SUPER grey at my roots and need touch ups every 5 weeks bare min. So now that I’ll be traveling for 8…you do the math, I’m going to be grey. And I’m not ready to rock that and embrace it yet. So, who out there has some good “at home” coloring suggestions or ideas or stories or recommendations for me? I have dark brown hair if that matters. It’s been like 12 years since I’ve self-dyed my own hair, but it looks like that is about to change–any thoughts or suggestions are greatly appreciated!
    Happy Friday!

    • KEA1

      I don’t know if it would cover you to your satisfaction, but I used Aveda color conditioner for awhile and LOVED IT. It really does leave you with color, especially if you use it regularly, and makes your hair soft to boot…

    • Trinity

      I haven’t (yet) had to cover up gray, but when I was a dark brunette, I loved Revlon Colorsilk. It was like $5, available everywhere, and super easy to use (and my hair felt really soft when I was done). For long hair, you’ll probably want two boxes. :)

      • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

        Ahh, Trinity. You make me miss my blonde hair constantly…when I was blonde, I never had to stress about grey….perhaps I’ll come back from the West blonde. Thanks, darling. I will definitely check it out. And considering how much damn hair I have, we might need to go with 3 boxes. :)

        • Trinity

          I miss dyeing my hair SO much. I was a redhead (every shade imagineable) for years, then had black hair, a brief attempt at platinum blonde (it turned more Vitamin C – http://janetcharltonshollywood.com/images/GT_143_Vitamin_Ccut.jpg), then I went back to dark brunette, and then eventually decided to chop it all off and grow it out natural. I miss mixing it up.

          Also, you look hott as a blonde, fyi. But I’ll support you whichever way you go. ;)

  • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

    Announcement: I will only be drinking my Friday happy hour cocktails out of fancy crystal glasses from here on out, now that I’m a fancy married woman and all.

    • Manda

      I think I speak for everyone here when I say “Congratulations!!!!!!!!!” and “We want details!!!!!!!!!!”

      • vegankitchendiaries

        I am DYING…. dyyyyying (!!!!!!) to see the pics from this!

        • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

          You and me both!! I’m expecting pro sneak peeks soon, but here’s what I got for you so far…

          • KEA1

            OH GOOD HEAVENS, the gorgeous!!! Huge congrats and best wishes. %)

          • Laura

            Oh that headpiece! I can’t stop looking at it! Where did that come from?

          • http://poppiesandicecream.blogspot.com/ Amanda – Poppies and Ice Cream

            Congratulations! All the happiness! And you both look so good. Classic and sexy!

          • Hannah B

            You should sell the pattern of That. Dress. to someone and make a million dollars. Gorgeous. And congratulations!

          • vegankitchendiaries

            Mr. and Mrs. Gorgeous!!

      • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

        The short version: it was a completely perfect day and totally exceeded my expectations every step of the way!! It feels like it was all a dream because it was all so lovely and wonderful!

        • Class of 1980

          Looking great!!!

        • Sonora Webster

          You look gorgeous! And isn’t that what really matters? ;)

          • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

            :) We both know that when I say “it was wonderful,” what I mean is “I had an awesome hair day.”

    • JDrives

      Pinky out!! Congrats!!

    • Lindsay Rae

      You fancy married woman, you! Congratulations!! We want pictures!!! Post soon please!! xo

    • Class of 1980

      CONGRATULATIONS!

      Did your mother make it out of the Ice Apocalypse in Atlanta?

      • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

        Yes, thank god! It was one of my bridesmaids who almost did not…she and her husband were stranded in DC and I genuinely did not think they were going to make it! But they did and I’m SO GLAD!!

        • Class of 1980

          That’s amazing that your mom made it out of there.

        • ART

          yay! I was sending vibes for safe travel all week. i’m sure that’s what did it… ;)

    • Amanda

      Congratulations! Can’t wait to read the post about how it all went!!

    • Kayjayoh

      Congrats!

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      congratulations!!! and you look hot! and yay for fancy crystal glasses! that’s what wedding registries are for.

  • http://poppiesandicecream.blogspot.com/ Amanda – Poppies and Ice Cream

    Our beautiful daughter was born, and after a few scares (she was 6 weeks too early, and then spent 3 weeks in the pediatric department at the hospital) we are finally all together home. It is amazing how much changes everyday.
    All the joy,all the happiness… very little sleep. But so worth it.

    • Shiri

      Congratulations and fist bumps, Amanda! So glad she is doing ok and is home with you guys!!

    • Lian

      Congratulations!

    • Class of 1980

      CONGRATULATIONS!

    • Kayjayoh

      Woo! Weclome to the world, little one.

    • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

      Congrats!!

    • Lisa

      Congratulations, Amanda!

    • Catherine McK

      Congrats Amanda! I read your birth story yesterday and it made me tear up so many times. From that perfect picture of you and your husband and the expressions on your face as you left for the hospital on. So glad she’s doing well and you’re all home together!

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      congratulations!!!! and love!

    • http://poppiesandicecream.blogspot.com/ Amanda – Poppies and Ice Cream

      Thank you so much everyone, for all your best wishes and support!

  • Karlee

    So. I think I ruined my proposal this morning.

    Long story short, when I went on Facebook this morning, my boyfriend was logged in. I noticed he had a message from my brother-in-law and figured it was just a family group message that I had been included in as well. I opened it. It was a conversation about my boyfriend proposing to me on our upcoming trip in two weeks. I simultaneously wanted to cry happy tears and throw up. This whole big proposal that I have been waiting for forever – the element of surprise is now ruined. I feel like it won’t be as exciting.

    How do I emotionally deal with this? I only know he is planning on proposing at some point on the trip. The message didn’t include where or what day, no details. I just…don’t know how to handle my emotions right now. I am happy that this is finally happening, but also so, so disappointed that I spoiled it. I plan to just go with the flow as far as the proposal is concerned. I don’t want him ever knowing that I saw the message. And I don’t want to ruin whatever plan he has. I just need help coming to terms with the fact that I ruined such a big moment in our lives.

    Has anyone else spoiled their upcoming proposal? How did you deal with your emotions?

    • Katarina

      That issue is what I’m afraid of. So far, my BF has planned five surprises for me (not counting birthday/Christmas presents) in five years, and I’ve spoiled every single one. It’s absolutely the worst feeling, and I really struggled with telling him or not.

      I know he’ll propose some time in the next two months, so I’m being extra careful.
      At least you don’t know too much! I don’t think you ruined the big moment. The big moment is solidifying your plans to be together forever, surprise or no!

      • Meg Keene

        What you guys need is a boyfriend like David was who decides to propose with like an hour notice at the most inopportune time because the ring is burning a hole in his pocket. Then you can’t spoil it, but you will be wearing a HOT PACK IN YOUR PANTS from cramps that were making you almost black out during your most stressful day of work ever where you found out you didn’t lose your job when you thought you were going to.

        So, you know. Think about it that way :)

        • Katarina

          Oh, the hot pack in the pants is my constant companion.
          … don’t think about it too much.

          • Meg Keene

            Well, it happened six years ago and helped start APW, so I don’t ;) But I thought it might offer some valuable perspective.

          • KEA1

            The amount of giggling I just did over this comment (and really this entire chain of comments) has made my afternoon at a time when I *seriously* needed to laugh. Thank you, ladies! :)

        • Molly P

          My fiance said the same thing. He proposed to me months before he thought he was going to because the ring was “burning a hole in his pocket” too.

        • JDrives

          Or one who waits til after you’ve peed unglamorously in a bush on a hiking trip and you’ve just stuffed your mouth full of grapes so you have to spit it out to say “Yes.” Such timing! But it was still freaking AWESOME and Karlee, I think yours will be too :)

          • Meg Keene

            THIS.

        • Class of 1980

          Meg, you’ve got to stop making us jealous of all the Romance. ;)

          • Meg Keene

            I know, man. It’s just non stop glamour over here.

        • Kayjayoh

          Or you could be proposed to first thing on a Saturday morning, messy hair, PJs and no bra; answering the doorbell for what you think is a get-out-the-vote person but turns out to be a delivery of flowers. Nothing but class.

        • Lian

          My fiancé is terrible at keeping secrets, so he intentionally didn’t decide on when to propose. And then when he decided to do it he COULD NOT WAIT and asked me as I stepped out of the bathroom, half dressed.
          At least it means I was very clean :-P

        • YetAntherMegan

          Or you could work up the nerve for weeks to propose yourself and have him spontaneously do it himself when you’re about a sentence away from it. Complete with taking off a ring you already have so he can put it back on you. That works too.

          • Meg Keene

            Nooooooooooooo.

          • YetAntherMegan

            Well, at the end of the day, I got what I want. Dude’s marrying me in three and a half months.

        • Laura

          I was just about to say something along these lines. In short, I have no idea how to handle a ruined surprise because basically all my honey’s surprises to me were a surprise to him too! God I love the anti-planner in him but I also hate it.

    • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

      Ooooh. You didn’t ruin it!! The moment will still be amazingly amazing. It will, I promise and cross my heart. I totalllly knew my husband was going to propose at least 4 days before he did. He was acting all cray and taking showers at 6am and being really, really, really agreeable, so I knew it was coming (or he was having an affair, which just didn’t make sense really either), so when he proposed I was like “Yup, knew this” in my mind, but I was still SO excited. And you will be too!! It’s going to be fantastic. And who knows, maybe he’ll surprise you and not do it on the trip…ya never know.
      Either way 10000 congratulations!

    • vegankitchendiaries

      I feel TERRIBLE for you! Don’t worry though, it’ll be okay… and likely even GREAT!

      Some great comments here (http://apracticalwedding.com/2013/09/ruining-surprise-engagement/) which might help!

    • Molly P

      My fiance and I went and picked out my ring together, but I thought he was going to be waiting a few months. He proposed to me on Christmas Eve 2012, months earlier than he expected to. As we were eating lunch (before going to the garden he proposed to me at) I felt the ring box in his pocket. Totally unexpected, and I had a bit of an “I KNEW IT” moment when he proposed that kind of freaked him out a little. It will still be special!! Don’t sweat it. :)

    • Shiri

      I totally knew ours was coming. I knew he didn’t want to propose in the City and he randomly one day said he had a Groupon to a sculpture garden I loved, and why didn’t we stop there on the way to my mom’s house when we went up in two weeks? The garden is two hours in the other direction from my mom’s house, so, yeah, sure. But knowing it was coming didn’t ruin it, it just meant I got to look forward to it. I was still thrilled and excited when it happened, even though I wasn’t shocked.

      However, don’t do what I did: the day was 107 degrees and we’d locked the water in the car and I basically walked us to a pretty spot and said “I’m so thirsty. It’s beautiful here – isn’t this spot beautiful and *perfect*? So perfect. And memorable. Don’t you think?” and so he proposed.

      Maybe surprises just don’t work for you guys. Maybe it’s not that you’ve spoiled them, but that they haven’t been able to happen. Take the control/blame off you, you know?

      • M.

        “I’m so thirsty. It’s beautiful here – isn’t this spot beautiful and *perfect*? So perfect. And memorable. Don’t you think?”

        You win.

    • Fiona

      oh my goodness, you didn’t ruin it all! I knew about mine before it was going to happen because of some poorly timed clues, but I didn’t give out a lot of mental energy to it, and when it did happen I couldn’t gave possibly anticipated how wonderful it would feel. actually being in the moment with my fiance on onr knee, surrounded by family and friends was more emotional than I could have imagined. Congrats! I’m so happy for you. Will be looking for an update

    • MC

      I definitely knew that my proposal was happening – not because I’d ruined any surprises but just because I know him/us – and I have to say, as adorable and special as the proposal was, my favorite part was getting to call our friends and family and tell them together, because that’s what made it feel REAL. I would say focus on the parts that will be a surprise to you – like all the details – and remember that the thing that makes it a “big moment” isn’t the details of the proposal, but the basic truth of it – you love each other & are getting married!!! (I should also note that I am horrible at taking my own advice and was anxious for weeks leading up to the proposal because I do not deal well with anticipating surprises.) Good luck & YAY!

    • Lindsay Rae

      OMG! First, don’t worry, you absolutely didn’t ruin it… as the other ladies said the moment will still be amazing and unreal! My best advice though would be to enjoy your vacation… and try your absolute hardest not to freak out every time your boyfriend bends down to tie his shoe or picks something up on the ground ;) It’s probably going to be hard not to think “OMG IS THIS IT?!!!” 400 times, but really try to just relax and enjoy your trip! Good luck, and CONGRATS!

    • kcaudad

      Sounds like you already know what to do: “I plan to just go with the flow as far as the proposal is concerned. I don’t want him ever knowing that I saw the message. And I don’t want to ruin whatever plan he has. I just need help coming to terms with the fact that I ruined such a big moment in our lives”.

      I totally did this, too! I was so annoyed that our friends got engaged and we weren’t that I went looking for the ring, and found it in his overnight bag for our upcoming trip! Then, I guessed his plans because he was acting all weird about it.
      But, I NEVER told him or anyone in the family, and don’t plan to. Just try to be in the moment and act surprised. It will still be great and wonderful and fun, even though you have a small clue of when it will happen. Don’t worry, you didn’t ruin it! Don’t tell him that you found out, just let him have his moment. And enjoy the fact that you will be engaged soon!

    • Kayjayoh

      My FMIL emailed me the week before to congratulate me on the engagement. She though he was proposing on that Saturday and he didn’t until the week afterwards. And it didn’t ruin anything.

    • Cathi

      I mean, chances are probably pretty good that you would have seen it coming shortly before it was happening. I don’t know anyone who has been proposed to who has been legitimately surprised.

      I knew something was up when my husband sent me a text being excited that it was snowing. I love snow. He hates snow. My best friend kind of figured out her husband would be proposing at the airport when he kept insisting that he wouldn’t be able to pick her up, that he would be at a Super Bowl party, and would probably be really drunk, and definitely totally absolutely would most certainly NOT be there to pick her up. In case she was thinking he’d be there, he wouldn’t be. Seriously.

      You deal with it as you would if you figured it out mere minutes before (like noticing he kept clutching his pants pocket protectively as you walked along a beautiful beach). You delight in the thrill, and you do the best you can to make the moment just as special for him as he is trying to make it for you. And you also do your best to enjoy every OTHER moment as well. You know it’s coming, so trust that it’ll happen when it happens, instead of going “We’re going out to a nice dinner, IS THIS IT??” and then being crushed when it isn’t, and then “BUT now we’re getting ice cream! IS THIS IS??” and then holding back tears as you eat your butter pecan cone because it wasn’t.

      Enjoy your trip! Savor your boyfriend as a boyfriend while you still can and hell, plan out some horribly romantic thing to say to him in return.

  • Molly P

    Is it May 24 yet? I’m so tired of planning my wedding. :( So many wedding-related freakouts this week. I don’t have time for this. I need to stop stressing so dang much. It used to be so easy to remember that it’s only one day; why is it so hard all of the sudden?

    • Dani

      We have the same wedding day and I’m freaking out just as much, too! I feel like there’s so many things that I haven’t completed, not getting back as many rsvp’s as I thought, ad nauseum. I have to constantly remind myself that there’s nothing to stress about after nights of crying from stress. But hey! We can do this! We have time! It’s only one day, and people we love will be there, and, most importantly, we’re getting pretty awesome partners from it :)

      • Molly P

        We just got our invites in the mail and there were a couple of errors on them, but it’s too late to send them back and order more. It didn’t help that we ordered them from India, and we didn’t get to see proofs before we ordered the full batch (my fiance’s dad had a friend make them). So I was freaking out about that. Then we decided to change our wedding format AGAIN last week, so we’re having to pay for an officiant and premarital counseling all of the sudden (before we were going to the courthouse for the ceremony). That, and we’re finding money is tight now that it’s crunch time, and we’re paying for most of it.

        Basically, I’m ready to be married. That’s all.

        • http://www.pinterest.com/katerees711 kater711

          elise blaha, a blogger with a super cute baby, says that it’s a not a card from her if it doesn’t have at least one typo. ;)

        • Dani

          Right there with you. Sending good vibes your way.

    • jbryant6

      My wedding date is a month ahead of yours (April 26th) but I’m right there with you. I’m so ready to just be married already!!!

      • M.

        April 26 AND SO READY!!!! Squee!

        • ASH

          April 26 too!!

          • Jen

            Another April 26 here :) :)

          • Violet

            We were April 26th last year- so psyched for you guys!

    • Rebekah

      May 3 for us, and I’m so over making decisions. This week the invitations were my white whale.

    • Laura

      Here’s to wishing you some wedding zen!

    • Mallory2

      I had the same feeling in the 3-4 months leading up to my wedding. I just wanted it to be over and to be married already! And being nearly 2 years post-wedding now, I’ll say that for me, those months of wishing (and being stressed and overwhelmed and stretched too thin) did not impact the actual day nor color how I view my wedding when I look back. Internet hugs!

  • Ann Ony-Mouse

    Regular poster here, incognito for this. I’ve been trying to leave my much beloved job (7 years here) and have a third interview on Monday that I’m really excited about. And somewhat nervous about – I’m meeting with the international director, the woman who would be my co-department deputy head, and two of my possible staff members, as well as the department director, whom I’ve already met. There will be about 2.5 hours of itnerviews, all together.

    Any advice for long form interview, and multiple interviews in one day? I’m a manager who has never actually gotten any managerial training, so any advice on how to talk about my management style would be super appreciated! I’m also reading “Ask for It” which has been super helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Ask-For-It-Negotiation-Really/dp/0553384554

    • InTheBurbs

      I’d make a list of key examples of your management experience – and then find a way to work them into every interview you have. And for the long form interviews – take advantage of breaks when offered – and have a bottle of water stashed in your purse in case it’s not offered.

      • Ann Ony-Mouse

        Thanks, this is really helpful. I think I need to sit down and try to categorize my management experiences, and maybe come up with one example of each that encapsulates each type of experience I’ve had. 7 years in one place and you really forget how to interview!

    • Ellen

      I work in an industry that is known for having long interviews (I once had one that was three days for an entry-level position) and so from my experience:

      Don’t worry about giving the same answers to the same questions when you are talking with different groups of people. The odds they are going to actually compare the answers they got are pretty low. Take advantage of breaks when you can, even if you don’t think that you need them. You definitely want to have water with you. If there is food/a meal involved in your interview process, take your cue on what you order from one of the regular employees who is there. You don’t want to be ordering the prime rib when they’re having salad.

      Above all else, remember to be YOURSELF and be confident in who you are. You wouldn’t have gotten to this point in the interview process if they didn’t like what they saw on paper. Now it’s up to you to show that you’re even more awesome than a couple of pieces of paper show. Be confident in what you’ve done and what you can bring to the table in the new organization.

      And when you’re taking those breaks in between meetings, make faces at yourself in the mirror in the bathroom.

      Good luck!!

      • Ann Ony-Mouse

        Super helpful, thank you! And you’re right, I know they know who I am and what I’ve done, and now I need to show they who I really am, underneath the paper. I need to believe that the people higher up will think my experience is enough.

        • Ellen

          Basically- they wouldn’t be bringing you in if they didn’t think you were capable. Now they’re just trying to figure out if you make sense as part of their team!

    • Jenni Kissinger

      You could also think of leadership experiences you’ve had. Did you run a club in high school or college? Lead a group project in school or work? Take charge when someone was out sick? What are the traits of your own managers that you’ve liked, and disliked?

    • SLG

      I had 6-7 hours of interviews in one day for the job I now have. It was pretty much nonstop, including over lunch, except for the bathroom break. (And I, a borderline introvert, cherished that bathroom break.) My advice:

      First, they already think you’re qualified. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be interviewing you! So you can be your awesome self. (Check out AskAManager.org for great interviewing advice along these lines.)

      Second, look at the long interview as a feature, not a bug. :-) You’re deciding whether you really want to work with/for these people. If you get the job, you’ll be spending a heck of a lot of time with them. A 2.5-hour interview is a great opportunity to ask all the questions you may have about the job, expectations, vision and goals, working/management style, what they’re looking for in the person they hire, and whatever else you want to know. Yes, they’re interviewing you — but you’re also interviewing them.

      Oh, and in addition to water, you may want to stash a travel-size deodorant in your purse. I sweat when I’m nervous and that came in handy.

      Best of luck!

      • Ann Ony-Mouse

        Woah. Deodorant. Yes.

        Thank you, this is really helpful. I’m going to spend so much time on AskAManager!

  • Michelle

    Shout out to my friend Kristi, who’s getting married in 24 hours!

  • Margi

    Hello APWers in the Bay Area! Any tips for finding an apartment besides craigslist? And yes, I know how hot and expensive the rental market is. I’d appreciate any insights! Thanks.

    • ElisabethJoanne

      We hope to move to a bigger place still on the Peninsula this summer, and my husband’s been using apartmentlist.

    • Jenni Kissinger

      padmapper.com was awesome for helping me find my apartment (in DC area). It pulls from other websites (mostly craigslist) but if there’s an address listed, it places it on a map. You can input things like work address and show commuting times, filter by a bunch of different criteria, etc.

      • Meg Keene

        Padmapper is basically craigslist, but definitely more user friendly.

    • Trinity

      I’m in the midwest, but LiveLovely.com has been really helpful for me (both the web site and the phone app). It pulls from Craigslist and other sites, allows me to filter and browse maps, and it lets me set alerts based on geographic areas.

    • Meg Keene

      I think it’s just all craigslist. We’ve never found a rental any other way. We’re REALLY AGRESSIVE, which is how we’ve landed good deals. Look at things without pictures, email and call the SECOND things go up. We got this (unreal) place by calling within 20 minutes of the listing going up, and asking to come in an hour later. We got it, the open house was cancelled.

      Oh. And if you want a place a lot, write a nice letter about it.

    • p.

      Consider walking around the neighborhoods where you’d consider living and looking for ‘for rent’ signs. That’s how I got an apartment many years ago, and I definitely see ‘for rent’ signs pop up from time to time my neighborhood (Noe). I assume these landlords don’t want to deal with a ton of emails from Craigslisters and perhaps they also like the idea of renting to someone nearby.

      I thought these tips on Jordan Ferney’s website were useful: http://ohhappyday.com/2013/04/5-tips-for-apartment-hunting-in-san-francisco-our-story. I second her suggestion to consider Craigslist listings that don’t have pictures. It’s true that some times no pictures are a sign that the place is hideous, but other times it’s just that the landlord is an older person who doesn’t know how to upload pictures.

      • http://alifeworthwritingdown.blogspot.ca/ Jules

        Not to totally ruin this lovely conversation but please also consider that ads without pictures might be scams. Not your average every day really obvious scams but well done scams where they don’t post pictures on ads because then the police can find them. Speaking from sad experience…

  • http://readingandthensome.blogspot.com/ Martha Smith

    That Bode Miller thing is crazy. And it reminds me of a story, sort of from the other perspective: has anyone read about that actor, Jason Patric, who lost custody in California because his son was conceived via In Vitro and therefore he is viewed as a sperm donor and not a father? Disclaimer: the details on this are shaky. But if he is to believed he’s essentially being prevented from seeing his son simply because he and his then gf used fertility treatments instead of the “natural” way. I’m siding with Patric at the moment, but if someone can point me in the right direction for more/clearer details on his story I’d be glad to read them, I am super intrigued!

    • Kayjayoh

      The whole story makes me think of the Handmaiden’s Tale.

      • http://readingandthensome.blogspot.com/ Martha Smith

        Ooooo, I haven’t read that yet – I’ll look in to it.

  • Ann

    My boyfriend of 6 years and I broke up a few months ago. I am now ready to move back home. Unfortunately, the rental market is too expensive and my job doesn’t pay enough, so I’d have to move back home with my parents until I can find a new job. Is this a crazy idea for a 33 year old woman to even consider? Help’

    • http://www.etsy.com/shop/DIYIDo Laura

      It’s not crazy, it’s being a practical lady. Crazy would be moving into an apartment you can’t afford with a job that won’t pay the bills. You’re making a smart, well-informed decision (whatever you do), so you’re anything but crazy.

    • InTheBurbs

      Ugg…so sorry about the break up! I ended up living with my parents for 8 months when I was 30 – sometimes its the only thing you can do…

    • http://www.thehousealwayswinsblog.com/ Rachel Wilkerson

      Not crazy at all! I moved home a few years ago…granted, I was younger than you are (24), but I had been independent for a while so it was still an adjustment. And was the best decision I’ve made…within a year I had new job prospects and had met Eric!

    • Laura

      It’s only crazy if your parents have absolutely no boundaries. Otherwise, I say it’s crazy to either a) stay where you are when you know it’s time for you to move back home or b) move somewhere you can’t afford and are stressed all the time. Besides moving back in with parents after a breakup sounds to me like something that might be grounding.

  • http://www.etsy.com/shop/DIYIDo Laura

    I think a month or so one of the links in the link roundup was to an article about the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding figure skating scandal. I really enjoyed reading that article, and just heard there’s going to be a documentary on the same topic shown this Sunday just before the Olympics closing ceremony (http://www.oregonlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2014/02/tonya_harding-nancy_kerrigan_d.html). I don’t know what angle they’re coming at it from, or if will be similarly pro-Tonya, but wanted to mention it for anyone else who enjoyed the article.

    • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

      I am sort of semi-obsessed with the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan thing, no idea why (probably because I was also obsessed with it 20 years ago and can distinctly remember “figure skating around my living room” with my friends and my older sister mocking us) but I watched a doc earlier this week on Netflix called The Price of Gold, I think, and it was riveting, if only to witness Harding’s perspective on the entire scenario. I am looking forward to the documentary on Sunday!

    • http://www.etsy.com/shop/DIYIDo Laura

      I found the link to the article, strongly recommend reading it! http://www.believermag.com/issues/201401/?read=article_marshall

    • Meg Keene

      GOD that was a good article.

    • August

      I’m not positive on this, but I believe to documentaries were made about this topic this year (saying its the 20th anniversary). There is the one on Sunday by NBC and also one that aired earlier on ESPN titled The Price of Gold. (http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/10305162/30-30-price-gold-nancy-kerrigan-tonya-harding-compelling-melodrama ) That’s not the whole documentary. We got it off Pirate Bay for anyone who uses that. It was an interesting hour and a half. It didn’t dive into the feminist side as much as the article did.

    • KerryMarie

      Good article!

  • Lian

    So this week I had my second interview at a place I’d love to work. I’ve posted here before about quitting a PhD program and nerves about entering the job market, and I’m so excited about it going well! How are the other (potential) academia dropouts doing?

    • Jenni Kissinger

      Fist bump for academia dropouts. Glad to hear your interview went well!!

      On Tuesday I officially told my advisor that I wouldn’t be continuing in science after the end of my postdoc. He took it well, was understanding about my two-body problem, and asked a couple questions about what kinds of jobs I’m applying to. I had built it up in my mind to this big dramatic conversation, and in the end it went well.

      Meanwhile I’m still waiting to hear back from the company I interviewed at in November. No news is good news I suppose!

      • Rachael

        I just quit my hell-ish postdoc, as in my last day is next Wednesday (yay!). I came to the realization that I really just did not want to stay in research and I think I was able to come to that conclusion much faster because I was in such a miserable position. I’m actually looking to transition into a “non traditional academic career”.

        I’m glad the talk with your PI went well! But really, it is safe to assume it could be a dramatic conversation because scientists in academia often see no other career path as righteous. I have dealt with a lot of flack from PIs I used to work with about my own exit from research.

      • Lian

        Fist bump back! I’m so glad the talk with your advisor went well – mine (a few months ago) was also much better than I feared. I’m rooting for you in your job search.

    • celinad6

      Another fist bump!

      I posted a couple of weeks ago about potentially dropping out as well. I’m really tired of bad days and the at least once-per-week crying fits. I’m still sticking with it though. It’s my 5th year and since I’m teaching this semester, I can’t really quit right now. I’m going to try my darndest to finish by May and if not, then by August. No way, I’m going to be a PhD student in the fall. Not happening! No way! No how!

      • Lian

        Fist bump back! You’re in a tough situation, having invested so much time, and it sounds like you might be close to finishing. Good luck with either deciding to stop (felt so liberating for me!) or with getting that damn dissertation written!

        I want to put this out there, quite possibly not applicable to you: it is okay to ask for help with the parts you don’t know enough about. Specifically, it’s okay to ask for help with statistics. I have helped several people with statistics for their thesis/dissertation and they said it felt like such a relief to know it’s okay to get help with that. Just wanted to mention it in case it helps someone who’s reading!

  • Mary

    I was promoted at the beginning of the year and got a decent salary increase, but not to a salary that was competitive for my new position. I appealed my salary a few weeks ago and heard back this week that I would get a modest increase. It’s still not competitive, but I feel like it’s a major victory for me, and am super proud of myself for appealing in the 1st place! And, I was told by someone who’s been at the company for a while that I’m the 1st person they know of to successfully appeal a salary.

    • Amanda

      That is awesome!! It is a step in the direction of getting to what you deserve. A lot of other people probably wouldn’t have appealed in the first place.

    • emilyg25

      That’s awesome! Good for you for asking for what you deserve.

    • enfp

      Major respect and high fives to you! It’s not always easy to advocate for yourself in the workplace. I am one of those people who wouldn’t have appealed. Embarrassingly my boss recently suggested he should give me a modest raise and I actually tried to talk him out of it. Sigh.

  • http://karenmadrone.wordpress.com/ Karen

    49 days away! We are now in the throes of nailing down the details. We are, at the last minute, it seems, considering having our wedding videographed. The idea was given to us at a lunch meeting with our Wedding Team on Sunday. My initial reaction was “More Money!” but I’m starting to give it some serious thought. We found a company based in Durham, NC called Big Dog Little Bed. We are meeting with the owner on Monday. Did anyone else have their wedding videographed and was it worth it?

    • Amanda

      Ooh, I’m interested in these answers too. We currently don’t have one set up, but I’m open to it.

    • MC

      Still pre-married, but wanted to chime in with my MIL’s perspective. Fiance & I didn’t feel the need AT ALL to have a video of our ceremony, but my MIL really pushed for it, saying that it’s great for family members/friends who can’t be there to watch later, great for family members (esp. grandparents) to re-watch, and could be special for us. That reasoning combined with the fact that they’re paying for the wedding means we agree -though if we were financing it ourselves, it wouldn’t be a priority for me, I think because we’re already having two all-day photographers so it’s not like it won’t be well-documented. But I think it depends on how much you value video vs. photos, what will be meaningful to you/your family in 5, 10, 15 years, etc.

    • jbryant6

      We looked into it, but decided not to because it was so expensive. Instead we are using WeddingMix, a website that will send us 3 HD video cameras to use for the wedding weekend. It also has an app that guests can download (iPhone and Android) and use to share their pics and videos, and then the company puts it all together in a cohesive video. We are choosing a couple of friends to capture the moments we really want (walking down the aisle, first dance) but other than that we’re just going to roll with it. I know it won’t be as detailed or professional as the $2500 videographer we met with, but it’s affordable and we will have footage from the big day.

      • http://karenmadrone.wordpress.com/ Karen

        All of these comments have given me more to think on. Thanks for these great responses!

    • Lindsay Rae

      My mother and father were married in 1985, when wedding videography was extremely new and consisted of one guy with a GIANT camera, a bright light and a huge microphone documenting your entire ceremony and reception. So many of their friends getting married around the same time didn’t hire one, because it was new and probably because it was an added expense…. but my mother tells me daily that it’s one of her most precious possessions. She asks me to watch it with her all the time. I am definitely pro- videographer.

    • KC

      So, we have a video of our wedding. It is basically “photographer set up video camera before wedding, pressed record, and then stopped it after the wedding”. It is AWESOME to have the actual record of what was said, the odd little moments, etc. But we have watched it maybe twice? But it’s still awesome to have been able to go back and really hear things that went by in a bit of a blur (for me; other people have crystal clear memories of everything said during their wedding ceremony, I have mental photographs and very positive general impressions and that’s it).

      If you don’t really want to spend the money, consider the possibility of getting a basic “documentation” sort of recording-from-a-tripod (with a competent wedding guest babysitting it a bit to make sure it doesn’t get knocked over and to make sure someone doesn’t stand directly in front of it).

      Some people really treasure a much more curated sort of video with different angles, etc., and you’d have a better idea of what kind of things you remember or want to remember, but what we have is very much good enough for me (and I was sad for a couple of years when I thought that it had been deleted, so I don’t think it’s an “either way” thing for me).

      And if nothing else, getting an audio recording of the ceremony might totally be enough.

  • Kelly Mine-His

    Ugh, this has been the week from hell. I am exhausted and really, really need this weekend.

    I recently started my own business (yay!) which has been super busy and tiring but also super awesome. This week, however, was the perfect storm of ALL OF THE COMMITMENTS happening at once, plus feeling like my former employers/current competitors are out to get me (stop buying off my people! They love me, not you!). Le sigh.

    But! This weekend husfriend and I are headed up visit my parents for the first time since our wedding (in September. Did I mention how deciding to quit your job and start a wedding a month after getting married is insane?) and I am reeeally looking forward to having a chance to unwind a little. I have been forbidden to work all weekend (but I have an event on Tuesday so I might stay up late and cheat?) so maybe I can calm down a little bit.

    Does anyone have any advice on dealing with industry competition when starting a business? I work in a small and very tightly knit industry, and I feel like I’m now passive-aggressively fighting with people who used to be my friends, and I just want to throw up my hands and shout “CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?”

    • Lian

      No advice, but I just want to say good luck with all the things, and enjoy your weekend!

  • lady brett

    this has been the week of great video in my life. clearly, i must share:

    http://www.upworthy.com/a-whole-new-way-to-think-about-stress-that-changes-everything-weve-been-taught
    “…over the eight years they were tracking deaths 182,000 Americans died prematurely, not from stress, but from the belief that stress is bad for you.”
    Also, “One thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort.”

    and
    http://www.upworthy.com/if-you-think-only-poor-people-need-welfare-wait-till-you-see-what-really-rich-folks-do-with-it
    which is really important…but also, watch it because it is a *beautifully made* piece of art.

    last, but not least, i just discovered postmodern jukebox:
    http://www.postmodernjukebox.com/watch-postmodern-jukebox-videos/

    my favorite is maybe the ragtime version of “hash pipe”…but there’s also mo-town avril lavigne, bluegrass “blurred lines”, doo-wop miley cyrus, and…just so many things.

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      I watched the poverty one earlier today. I agree it is really good. Not the point, but yet another reason to hate Walmart. And, it’s nice to have someone rationally and succinctly explain something that I emotionally believe to be true. We really need to stop judging people for being poor. Honestly, we really need to stop judging and comparing in general. Which of course reminds me of the old favorite: http://www.upworthy.com/the-earth-shatteringly-amazing-speech-that-ll-change-the-way-you-think-about-adulthood-4

    • http://poppiesandicecream.blogspot.com/ Amanda – Poppies and Ice Cream

      Oh thanks so much for sharing the TED talk about stress. This is so true. I had been wanting to write something along those lines, namely, “stop stress-blaming diseases whose cause is unknown to the medical science”, but I did not know that there was research backing up what I suspected for a long time.

      One of the lines that you hear the most when going through infertility is: “Relax, just chill, you are too stressed / focused on it, therefore it is not happening”.

      However it has been proven that stress do not cause infertility (however infertility does cause stress) .

      —————
      http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2012/06/finally-proof-that-stress-does-not-cause-infertility/
      http://www.asrm.org/Stress_and_Infertility_factsheet/
      —————

      Then our beautiful daughter was born premature and as I started reading literature to try and find out why it had happened guess who (amongst others) was to blame? Stress!

      It is so damaging to say this to people going through disease or rare medical conditions. Basically it is like blaming them, like saying it is their fault they are sick. It gets thrown at patients with cancer or immune conditions. And yes, stress does make things worse, that is why there are all kinds of therapy to cope with those difficult situations.

      I think “letting go of the why” , understanding that there are things in life that we will never understand is OK.

      • lady brett

        that brings up something fascinating to me – that it is so easy to “blame” stress for things because it *can be* an indicator of other problems, but that gets muddled with “is a problem”. for example, being around so-and-so stresses me out, but the real problem is that the relationship is toxic. or, i am often stressed about work, which is because i don’t like my job. neither of those are the fault of the stress, but those connections associate stress with negative things, and that’s hard to parse out without very serious effort.

        (also, even were there science to back it up, can we just agree that telling someone to *be less stressed* is…a wee bit counterproductive? ’cause “hey, this is all your fault” is an *awesome* way to make folks relax.)

  • Hey nonny nonymouse

    So, I have been trying to use the advice I often see in comments here of giving the problem person who wants to control everything about your wedding one thing to be in control of. Specifically, my FMIL and flowers. Rationally she knows she doesn’t get veto power over everything, but she always reacts like she does. And she’s freelanced on some stuff we’d made clear we weren’t very interested in, like favors. So we said, you do the flowers. You care so much more than we do. Just keep it fairly low-key.

    Only now she seems to have decided that this is some big relationship-building opportunity for us, and keeps trying to get me to meet with her and the florist, no matter how many times I/we say no. We put her off for now, but after having it explained multiple times in different ways that I’m just not interested, her position is still that she’ll start conversations with the florist but probably I’ll come around and meet with her later. It feels like the effort to give her something to be in control of so she’d back off the stuff that we care about is going to turn into her feeling rejected because I don’t want to spend endless time discussing the flowers.

    I really feel like I never win with her. If I have a strong opinion, she wants to argue about it with me, even though in theory she agrees it’s my wedding and my choice. (I’m saying “I,” but these are always things fiance and I have decided on jointly; he just dodges arguments with her until it’s way past necessary.) On the thing where I don’t have a strong opinion and am happy for her to make the decisions, she wants me to have an opinion and discuss it with her. Argh.

    • ElisabethJoanne

      My advice would be to set aside the amount of time you would have spent on flowers had your FMIL not stepped in, tell her that’s what time you have, and go from there. Set aside some of that time to think about what you might want so you can speak with some knowledge/opinions when you meet with the florist.

      Think of it this way: If you didn’t have an involved FMIL, you’d still have to deal with the florist. This way, you get flowers and a happier FMIL.

      • Hey nonny nonymouse

        I already have spent that much time! On just the flowers, never mind all the time spent fending off her opinions and trying to set boundaries on the things that are not her business at all (sorry, you don’t get to tell us how many toasts to have and who should give them). It’s a potent combination of her not respecting boundaries, being a control freak, and being pretty inefficient. Her taking care of the flowers was supposed to reduce all that and make up for some of the time already spent on it.

        And seriously, flowers are the thing that if I’d called a florist and they’d wanted more of my time than it would take to say “this many centerpieces, this price point, these colors, I really don’t care beyond that,” and then sign a contract and send a deposit, I would have ditched having flowers altogether.

    • ap

      Maybe it’s easier that you don’t have a strong opinion and let her head up making some of those decisions. I know if I was in that boat, I’d still want you to see the flowers I chose to make sure you don’t hate them (even if you really don’t have an opinion, that concept might be unthinkable to her). I know she’s being overbearing, but maybe she really is trying to make sure the flowers are something you’ll be happy with – and like the other comments, you’d have to spend a little time on it anyway if FMIL hadn’t gotten involved, and maybe this could be a positive thing with her and she’ll look back on it and think “it was so nice to spend that time together getting to know my daughter-in-law and choosing flowers” etc.

    • http://alifeworthwritingdown.blogspot.ca/ Jules

      Can you try a compromise of “I just don’t have time to meet with the florist and I trust that you’ll pick something beautiful but you may send me pictures of two different options while at the meeting” type deal?

  • Robin

    Through some huge miracle, I got a full time position at my DREAM JOB this week! Completely unexpected and also seemingly completely necessary since it looks like the wedding is going to cost (much) more than initially planned… Still, I am so amazingly thankful for the new opportunity!

    • Lian

      Congratulations! I am job hunting and had a second interview at dream job this week, so hopefully I can say the same soon :-D Except the going over budget part of course… What happened there?

      • Robin

        Thanks, fingers crossed that you get your dream job too!! And re: budget, we just realized that we want more people at the wedding than we thought when we first started planning… I guess we’re slightly less introverted than I thought!

        • Lian

          That makes sense, I’m happy for you that it looks like you now will be able to have all those people there!

    • Jenni Kissinger

      Congratulations!!! What a great feeling :-D

    • Crayfish Kate

      Yayyy! Congrats! I have an interview at my dream place on Tuesday! You’re giving me good vibes :-D

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      congratulations!!!

  • Jenni Kissinger

    I had hoped to share good news here today, as I was supposed to meet with the hiring manager for the job that I really really want. Unfortunately (for a very understandable reason, medical issues with his family) the meeting had to be postponed again. I was a bit bummed but snuggles with the fiance made me feel better. Just keep swimming.

    • Robin

      *hugs* Snuggles always help, and I hope when you eventually meet with the manager it goes great!

      • Jenni Kissinger

        Thank you!

    • Lindsey d.

      It wasn’t until I was in the position to be involved with hiring decisions that I realized just how long it takes to make the decision and get things done. I know it seems like forever, but just keep swimming…

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      hugs! good luck!

  • Kanonymous

    Thank you to everyone who gave such excellent advice and shared stories last week regarding ending long term relationships. I ended things with someone I love very much on Tuesday. While incredibly hard, I walked away feeling I had done the right thing. Today I’m volunteering in an elementary school classroom, and all week have felt wrapped up in the love of wonderful friends. It’ll be okay.

    • Margi

      Hugs! I shared my story with you last week. I wish I had had the strength to walk away first! You are going to be more than ok,

    • emilyg25

      Glad you did right by yourself, and that our advice was helpful. Sending positive thoughts your way.

    • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

      That’s never easy, but congrats on doing what’s best for you. Virtual hugs!

    • Fiona

      Thank you for the update! A virtual adult beverage and hug coming your way.

    • a single sarah

      More virtual hugs. It will be okay.

      Also, a thank you to everyone who shared stories last week. They made me feel more settled with the way my last relationship ended. And I was the one who was left.

  • Amanda

    Last week I posted my dilemma about whether to keep trying as a freelancer or accept a meh job offer. Today I found out that even after two interviews, the company rejected me. Through an email form letter. Whatever. A little wounded pride here, but mostly I’m glad I don’t even have to make the decision now. And serendipitously, one of my clients that I haven’t heard from in months offered me a project today. So if you know anyone who’s in the market for editing work, hit me up because I am still in business! :) Happy Friday!

    • Amanda

      Things always have a way of working themselves out like that don’t they?!

      • Amanda

        They do! And I feel a thousand times better. I have been stressed over this for a solid month!

    • Kayjayoh

      Form letter? How uncool of them.

      • Amanda

        I kinda thought that too. Ha

    • Laura C

      Do you do proofreading? I occasionally come across listings for that; let me know if I should pass them along.

      • Amanda

        I do some proofreading, mostly copyediting. I would be interested in any listings you may come across. You can reach me at then_play_on [at] hotmail [dot] com. I don’t have a website or professional contact info yet, but that is part of my goal for this year. Thank you!

        • jbryant6

          Get a website asap! Even if it just a super basic one, it’s better than nothing. I haven’t updated mine in over a year, and I still have people contacting me for work. Not super often, but often enough that it was worth the minimal cost and effort it took! :)

        • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

          You can do a website with wordpress really easily. I have a “dummy website” for when more conservative clients, like corporations or non-creative companies, are considering booking me as a photographer. It’s not fancy, but it looks decent, it makes those companies more comfortable, and it took me about an hour and a half total to set up.

          As an example – http://sarahhoppesphotography.com/

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      boo for form letter. Yay for having the decision made for you! Yay for diving back into what you love to do!!!!

    • Sara P

      Is it crazy and weird of me to ask how you went about getting in the world of freelance copyediting? I would love it (I think), but I’ve never really known how to go about it (or if it was even possible), and I’m not even remotely in that field at the moment. Could I email you, maybe?

      • Amanda

        Hi! Sure, you can email me. I’m using then_play_on [at] hotmail [dot] com for now. :)

  • Trinity

    After getting my bachelor’s in philosophy and spending several years as a book publicist, I’m considering doing a 180 and going back to school to get a master’s in information security (the median income is super appealing and the employment statistics are encouraging). This is also the year my husband is probably starting a job that will keep him busy 60-70 hours per week. And we’re talking about having a baby. And looking for a house.

    I.E., I’m feeling a little stressed out.

    • jashshea

      That sounds like quite a bit all at once. What are you looking to get into in InfoSec?

      • Trinity

        The program I’m looking into has concentrations in business intelligence, incident response, and project management. I’m leaning toward project management, but thinking of seeing if I can take some extra classes and also concentrate in incident response.

        • jashshea

          The way things are configured at my megacorp, you’d be doing a ton of PM-tasks in an Incident Response role (managing expectations, setting up project plans, reporting with various executives), so I think that’s a great foundation! And you can’t really go wrong with project management in any discipline, IMO.

          And yes, the money is better than decent and the jobs are currently super secure. Good luck!

          • Trinity

            Thanks! That’s so helpful. I’m almost 30 and feeling really nervous about starting all over in my career, but better now than later, eh?

          • jashshea

            Absolutely! I have a good friend who left an unfulfilling attorney job at 37 to become a police officer. You’ll never be younger than you are now, I suppose :)

    • http://www.emilyaltphotography.com/ emily alt

      UGGG. Gigantic smiles and hearts to you two. I adore you both. And am so proud of whatever you end up doing. 10000000 hugs from GH to GR. xoxo.
      Also–was at the Winchester a few nights ago and we both said “We should hang out with Trinity.” So let’s make that happen in the Spring.

      • Trinity

        Thanks, Emily! We’d love to hang out with you two!

    • http://readingandthensome.blogspot.com/ Martha Smith

      DO IT! Ducks are wily . . . they are never going to line up perfectly for you do to do what you want so do what you want when you want! (that was a lot of “wants” . . .)

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        ducks ar wily!!!!

  • Winny the Elephant

    Ok so my mama needs some recommendations for modern, non-frumpy/non-matronly MOB dresses? Anyone?

  • MC

    Fiance & I have had a big last couple of weeks! We sent out save-the-dates, moved, signed a catering contract, bought a NEW bed (big adulthood step here), and in the midst of all that I got a surprise raise!!

    Hearing everyone’s excited responses to our save-the-dates is really making the wedding-planning stress SO much more manageable – helps me to get out of my head and remember that our wedding does not exist in a vacuum and that we are surrounded by support! I also love getting compliments on our wedding website and being able to say with complete honesty that it is all my Fiance’s doing. Like, the fact that there is visible evidence that we are in this wedding-planning thing together makes me SO happy and proud, and I need everyone to know it.

    • MC

      Oh, and we found out that my grandma, who has hardly traveled at all since my grandpa died 10 years ago, is coming to our wedding!! No one in the family was really sure if she would be up for it, but barring any health issues that come up, she will be there!

      • Lindsay Rae

        Hooray! Congratulations on all fronts. The majority of our save the dates went out today too! A few were sent earlier in the week (due to a little pressure from Mom, but all’s well in the end) and those excited text messages when people open their mailbox are the best!! xo

  • anon

    In light of the Kiev link here, I’m going to put out a selfish little PSA, that hopefully doesn’t diminish the coverage in the Ukraine. Hope this is okay.

    My fiance’s family is in Venezuela right now, dealing with motorcycle gangs throwing molotov cocktails in their streets and the military shooting bullets and tear gas into their neighbors’ and friends’ apartment buildings. The media blackout from the US has been extremely troubling for them and they hope people will consider reading about the state of unrest throughout much of the country (they are currently in the capitol, Caracas). While they also aren’t crazy about the Opposition (the political party trying to essentially overthrow Maduro, the current president and Chavez’s successor), the amount of human rights violations the government has now committed is egregious. Please take the time to read http://www.CaracasChronicles.com, if you get a chance. It’s pro-Opposition (which, it’s important to note, is likely corrupt in its own ways), but still really sheds a lot of light on what’s happening there and the kind of terror the Venezuelan people are living in. Some of the videos are very graphic, so TW.

    • http://breckwinokur.com/ Breck

      Checking in from my lovely vacation in Uruguay to second this. Things are so tough there right now. I’ll be thinking of your fiance’s family when we get to Caracas on Sunday.

    • Granola

      Thanks for this anon! Do you have any other suggestions of ways to follow the events, either on twitter or other blogs to read?

  • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

    The last 2 weeks, I shot a world’s fair themed concept store for Radio Shack with their new DIT sections, and I kept thinking of APW.

    • Shiri

      That sounds so fun!

      • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

        It was, actually! It’s still a basic Radio Shack, but the mid century modern displays were pretty cool.

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      awesome!!!

  • Fiona

    Big scary things happening all up in here. I deferred from grad school one year ago because of poor health. this meant some pretty significant life changes. Got a job, and what was going to be a 4 year engagement suddenly became a two year engagement because as a working lady, I would be able to sponsor my future spouse for a visa.

    In the interest of starting grad school in august, my mom would have to help us out financially. This was stressful for all of us. Now, I have the opportunity to defer for one more year AS OF LAST NIGHT PEOPLE. THIS IS IN REAL TIME. this would mean moving to the area where my school is located and getting a job there and having more time to get healthy and actually date my husband not long distance-ally.

    This would, however, require delaying grad school again…and telling the school it’s for health reasons. Should I do this???? It may be a tiny bit dishonest as I’m not nearly as sick as I was…

    • Fiona

      ALSO…When is a good time to start looking for jobs in the New York/Newark area? That post over yonder about Boston apartment hunting is making me nervous!

      • Ariel

        Do you want to live in Newark? I don’t think you’d need much time to find an apartment in the Northern NJ area (I’ve lived here my whole life with the exception of the 4 years I spent in Boston for college – where finding an apartment for 9/1 was always hellish). I’d say a month or two here, but I’m unsure of the specifics for Newark or the city. I’ve found places and moved in in as little as a week here.

      • Ariel

        Oops, just realized you were asking about jobs and not apartments… sorry!

        • Fiona

          also apartments! So you’re good. that’s helpful. I’m extraordinarily nervous about both.

          • LM

            At least in NYC, it’s pretty hard to do apartment searching more than a month out.

    • http://alifeworthwritingdown.blogspot.ca/ Jules

      Okay, I don’t know your situation but I’m assuming you’re talking about a chronic illness. As a fellow chronic illness-er, let me remind you that what we see as “not nearly as sick as I was” is still actually pretty sick to regular people. If the thought of having more time to get healthy even came up during the discussion (which it obviously did) then do NOT feel bad about being nice to your body. Giving yourself time to get better is not a luxury you always have so really really consider it when you have the option. Good luck making your decision!

      • Fiona

        That is extremely helpful, Jules. Thank you so much!

  • Mary Jo TC

    My husband and I have an 8 month old baby and we’ve become total hermits, but we want to change that. I’ve found in the past that when I want to change something in my life, I have to schedule it and make it part of a routine in order for it to stick. I feel like I need some kind of system or routine to make me reach out to my friends but I’ve never formalized or scheduled relationships in this way, like you would a regular workout, so I’m not sure what this should look like. Most of these friends don’t have kids themselves and live on the other side of town; I’d love to be able to meet up with at least one woman at least once a week, and with my schedule it would have to be on the weekend sometime. I’d love to hear how some of you ladies keep those relationships going, and how you kick your own butt into gear to make yourself be social. In addition to a kid, I have a hang-up that makes me always paranoid about being unwelcome or unwanted, so that makes me err on the side of not asking someone to hang out, and the problem is that too much of that leads to loneliness. Suggestions? Support?

    • Meg Keene

      I’m trying to think of the answer for me. I think, in reality, I just kept hanging out with people about the same way as always more or less. Since basically none of our friends have kids, they were all doing the same things, so we just kept tagging along.

      It can be helpful to pick a THING though. Like, Sunday afternoons we do a playdate. Or Saturday afternoons we go to a baby class. Or Friday’s we take the baby and go out to dinner with friends. And then mostly try to stick to it.

    • Amy M.

      Full disclosure, I don’t have kids (yet). However, I do try to keep in touch with my friends who do, because they (usually) need and want their adult friends to stay in their lives after baby. I try to make it my job to make the initial call and provide a specific reason and time for getting together (“Would you like to meet for coffee on Sunday evening/go for a walk around the lake Saturday morning/etc?”) since I don’t want them to have to remember to call or think up these ideas, I just want them to say yes! You are on the other side as the new mother, but maybe you could do these things and, for the routine part, tell yourself “Every Saturday morning (or whatever time works for you) I’m going to call one friend and invite them to get together.” Remember that it won’t always work out and that’s OK, you’re not unwelcome or unwanted, people are just busy! Other ladies who have lived through the new baby phase can probably give even better ideas, but good luck! Friendships are worth it!

    • jashshea

      This might sound sterile, but it should work. Make a list of people’s names and activities and Thursday email/text/call two of them and propose two of the activities on Saturday and Sunday. If a timeslot/activity works, feel free to extend the invite to others.

      I’ve long been the kid-free friend of the new mom and it’s so hard to know where you fit in the Mom’s life. And, obviously, its twice as hard for the new Mom who is dealing with (exhaustion, loss of self, overwhelming love/stress, etc).

      I always WANT to be over visiting or out for coffee, but I never know what my friend is up for. So, around about the 3rd friend baby, I just started calling at ~10 AM on weekdays, saying hey, and trying to set something up for the next few days.

    • p.

      I’m the same way: I’ve learned that I’m happier if I’m seeing friends more regularly, but I’m terrible at making plans or reaching out to people. For me I sometimes make a list and literally choose one person to try to see each week or month (depending on my schedule). What’s been ideal for me is when friends and I have had a more regular thing. For example, there was a period of time when friend and I would meet for dinner the first Tuesday of the month. Another time a friend and I both signed up for a monthly gardening class and we’d carpool together and often have coffee or breakfast before class. A regular meet-up isn’t always possible, but it’s been good for me because I’m less lonely and because I don’t feel like I have to keep reaching out or making plans with someone.

  • AnonNow

    I’ve been thinking about the “Marrying Up” piece all week. It REALLY hit me over the head, and helped me realize that part of the reason wedding planning has been so difficult for me is because of the complicated relationship I have with money as someone who grew up lower-middle-class, wanting what others had. I’ve been on the verge of making mistakes with our budget because of this chip on my shoulder about it all.

    I realized that I’ve been using this wedding as a way to have All the Nice Things I couldn’t have growing up. I have this strong sense of, “I’ve finally made it. I want to do this wedding for real. I deserve to have the same type of wedding that my middle-class friends would have.” Unfortunately, this determination doesn’t reconcile itself very well with being on a budget (my fiance and I are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. I’m not even having a shower because my family can’t afford to throw it). [On a macro-level, and from a sociological perspective, watching my own behavior and reactions to wedding planning has been fascinating — I’m watching myself fall into the classic “keeping up with the Joneses” trap that keeps people in debt, and makes our society more consumerist and unsustainable. Why am I doing this?]

    As part of wanting All the Nice Things and to Do it for Real, I offered to pay for my bridesmaids to have their makeup done. (Because in the movies and on Pinterest – both of which I need to work harder to ignore – everyone has their hair and makeup done together and drinks mimosas, and it’s so cute and fun and normal, right?)

    Offering to pay for everyone’s makeup was a big mistake on my part, since I’m not going to be able to deliver. Maybe I should have known this, but it turns out professional makeup is REALLY expensive. I feel ashamed to admit that for several weeks, I wanted to spend the money anyway, because I had “promised it” to my bridesmaids. That ended when my fiance and I got in a fight about it, and I realized that 1) he’s right — we can’t spend this much money on stupid makeup, 2) the reason this feels like a big deal is because it is about WAY more than just makeup, and 3) I need to find a way to accept all of this, and stop worrying so much about what other people think. All of that is easier said than done. ;)

    So now I’m still faced with the need to renege on my offer to give this gift to my bridesmaids. I expect that they will understand (understand the fact that I can’t pay; not necessarily how it feels to admit that), but I still feel alone and embarrassed. Wedding planning is hard! I am thankful that APW exists so that I know I’m not the only one feeling frustrated.

    • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

      You know, as a former bridesmaid, I totally understood when the bride said she was going to pay for something and then couldn’t. Things come up, and weddings are expensive. You should ask them and see how they feel about paying for it themselves. If they can’t, you can STILL have the mimosas and getting ready part, but you guys can help each other do your own hair & makeup. That would be super fun. :)

      Also, I really do understand the part about wanting All the Nice Things. My sister and I grew up super, super poor, and I think this mentality took over her wedding (and her life). I don’t have any advice, but *internet hugs!*

    • Meg Keene

      OF COURSE THEY’LL UNDERSTAND. I bet half of them were shocked that you offered but just nicely agreed to not be rude.

      I’ve never had anyone offer to do my makeup. Of course, I suppose I’ve never been in a properly middle class wedding either, so what the hell do I know. But still. Still.

    • Glen

      What about lower cost options? Rather than hiring a makeup artist, what about makeovers at Sephora or Ulta? Or at a dept store makeup counter? Or ask a friend who’s really good at her own makeup to help out? Or just have a makeup party and have everyone do their own makeup together?

      The real point is having the time together (and the mimosas!).

    • SarahG

      Oh hon! I kind of want to give you an internet hug as well. I totally feel that. I grew up “working poor” and for me a big thing was after college, when I got my first full time job and started buying my clothes at… The Gap. I know, this is a ridiculous thing to “achieve”, but it was the 90s and all the cool kids got their clothes there (I thought) and I had always grown up with hand-me-downs, thrift stores, and KMart. I was so jazzed to buy myself some khakis. I think it was just a sign to myself that I wouldn’t have to worry about money *quite* as much. To this day Gap is like the only mega-corporation I have some kind of weird emotional attachment to. Which is embarrassing to admit, I gotta say. But give yourself a break. And also maybe realize that while for people who have been poor, admitting when you can’t afford something can bring up feelings of shame from waaay back, for anybody who hears you say “Actually, guys, I can’t afford that”, all that sentence means is…. wedding shit is expensive. They don’t have your baggage (even if they grew up poor, because we’re all way harder on ourselves than each other), and they won’t think anything less of you or of your wedding. Hugs!

      • AnonNow

        Thank you. And exactly. And oh my god, I know what you mean about “achieving” the ability to shop at places like The Gap. Thanks for this advice — it’s a really good point that they don’t have my baggage and won’t see this as a shameful thing.

      • Teresa

        Yes to this so, so much. All I ever wanted were the Gap outfits where everything, down to the socks and headband coordinated perfectly. I just pined for that so much. I had a thrilling moment after I got my first real, professional job where I bought whatever I wanted at the Gap and I felt freaking amazing.

    • Cathi

      My bff initially told all of her bridal party “We’re gonna get hair and makeup done! My treat! It’ll be awesome!” and then, really not too long afterwards, came back and said “Haha just kidding it’s so crazy expensive!! Whoops. I’m still going to get it done for myself. It will cost $X for hair and $X for makeup if you want to do either or both. Either way, I’ll have bagels and mimosas and it’ll be a fun time hanging out in the morning no matter what” and not a single one of us batted an eye, other than to tell her that OMG THAT IS SO EXPENSIVE and we wouldn’t imagine her footing that kind of expense.

      • AnonNow

        Thanks for this. I was definitely wondering how to phrase the whole “Hey, uh, just kidding…” thing. I like this lighthearted approach!

        And I never considered the fact that they probably didn’t expect this from me to begin with. Thanks, ya’ll.

      • sarah l

        yep, this is what I did (except I don’t think I offered to pay up front) – we had a variety of takers – one bridesmaid got hair and makeup, two just had hair, and two took care of their own hair and makeup. We had a super fun morning getting ready and drinking mimosas and everyone knew what to expect coming in. vital to this was that i didn’t need or want them to match, but it was a fun option for those who wanted to participate and totally fine for those who just wanted to hang!

        (day of though, my mom decided to surprise cover everyone’s services – which was awesome, but then made me feel bad that some hadn’t participated due to cost… but then i remembered that they are all grownups and OMG I’M GETTING MARRIED IN LIKE AN HOUR and it was fine)

    • Fiona

      Thank you for sharing this!
      Do you have any friends who are good at makeup? What about setting up a bathrobe (BYOB–bring your own bathrobe) situation with mimosas and bagles and a friend who is awesome at makeup to do all of yours? This is what I’m doing because honestly, it’s more special that someone I know is doing it, and she LOVES being asked. Just a thought…

      • KC

        Friend, *or* if there’s a cosmetology school around, there might be a student who really wants to build their portfolio (or similar). Among my friends there was a “wedding manicure at the manicure school!” tradition… but the one wedding we didn’t do that for, it was just as fun painting each others’ nails. So, it’s okay and there are options.

    • Winny the Elephant

      I think that as long as you don’t mind if they do their own hair/makeup then it’s totally cool. It would piss me off though if the bride first said she’d pay and then insisted that we use her stylist/make up artist and pay for it ourselves

      • AnonNow

        Oh, totally. They can do whatever they want. I only offered this because I had it in my head that it was normal for the bride to offer to pay for some of this stuff. (And I’m starting to realize that this isn’t exactly normal, and maybe I have just have a lot of wealthy friends…)

  • aldeka

    Still no job yet, though I had another interview that was actually super rad (I love talking to tough-as-nails older lady programmers), so it’s hard to not get my hopes up. But! I’m getting the heck outta Dodge this afternoon to go camping in Yosemite with the fiance and another couple. I’ve never been to Yosemite, never been camping before, though the fiance is a former Eagle Scout; hopefully we won’t freeze to death or get eaten by bears! :D

    • Katarina

      I wish we had more lady programmers here. It’s all men all the time. Good luck!

  • Kayjayoh

    Wow, this week.

    The good/exciting/scary: fiance is in Boston and is going to take a look at two extremely promising places on Sunday. I did the CL searching and picked them out, and he’s going to FaceTime me along, so I can see them virtually, but it is making me super nervous. I’m most likely not going to be seeing our new place for real until we move in! I’m also nervous because part of me thinks I am looking too soon, and that May or June might be better (For an Aug/Sept move)…but he’s out there now, and then again briefly in April. We don’t have the time or money for yet another trip out east and we will be super busy with the last bits of wedding planning and prep in May and June. Argh! Eek!

    The fact that I don’t have a job out there yet and can’t really start looking for a few months (again, Aug/Sept move…) is also nerve wracking….I’m hoping I will make enough to meaningfully contribute to the rent.

    • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

      I don’t think it’s too soon to look. Some of the good places may have waiting lists!

      • Kayjayoh

        Most of what I’m seeing it decidedly “student apartment” and the “grown-up” places are available now, March, April…

        But, we do have two showings on Sunday, so yay.

    • jashshea

      Depending on where you’re looking in Boston, you’re better off looking now. Aug/Sept are when the students move back in and it’s… a total shit show.

      • Kayjayoh

        I want to be near the T, but not in student apartments…which is what I’m seeing now. Most of the time I find a place I like, it is available now or spring. When I find a place for 9/01…it is a flashback to college living.

        • Amanda

          When I lived in Boston I lived in the North End, near the Haymarket stop. I loved it. Especially the weekends when there is the giant farmers market there all the produce is super cheap. I’m talking a container of berries for 1-2 bucks and tomatoes for 50 cents a pound. Hope you find a great place!

        • jashshea

          I’m getting hives thinking about it! I did undergrad at Boston College and we started looking in Oct/Nov of the prior year for the “nice” 09/01 rentals (they were still moderately disgusting). But that was for 5-8 girls.

          From my memory, anything further from the BC/BU/NU corridor is way less of a funhouse.

          • Kayjayoh

            Paradoxically, while I don’t want student housing, I am most likely going to be *working* for a college, so easy commute access is important.

            Ideally, I’m hoping for something near Davis or Porter *or* something in JP (near where we have friends.)

          • jashshea

            Well, you’re never too far from a college in Eastern Massachusetts :)

          • Kayjayoh

            Fer serious, which does my “working as academic support staff at a college in the midwest” heart good, for it gives me good prospects.

          • KEA1

            Ahhhhhh. JP definitely has plenty of places that won’t feel like “student” housing, and it’s a great community. Davis/Porter can feel grownup too, actually. Don’t despair. %)

          • Ann

            I live a 8ish minute walk from Porter in the direction of Union. Cheaper than the Davis side of Porter) not at all a student-y feel (though there are peoples like me–late 20s grad students everywhere), and I’ve got a great community, full of people who’ve been here 20+ years (all the snow lately is great for getting to know your neighbors. Digging out is a community effort). It’s a good balance of easy transit access and still easy parking. I endorse my part of Somerville heartily. I’d also venture to say that a lot of the non-student options actually come up *later.* I came up the first weekend in June and signed an Aug 1 lease start date, and it worked great. When I talked to some realtors, they specifically recommended waiting until after June 1st for August/Sept move in dates in the neighborhoods I was looking at (Also Davis/Porter).

            (Depending on where you’ll be working, Union has good bus options, even though it is not on the T. It’s a bit cheaper and is a great area.)

          • Ann

            Also, I was here June 5th or so apartment hunting, prior to my June 22nd wedding last summer. Shit was crazy, but I survived.

          • Kayjayoh

            Yeah, looking later seems to be the sense I am getting. Problem with that is, fiance is out there now, and will be there again briefly in April. After June 1st (heck, after May 1) is it pretty much going to be challenging to impossible for either of out to get out there until the end of August, which is cutting it pretty fine. I’m hesitantly willing to rent an apartment that only one of us has seen…I’m not comfortable renting a place that neither of us has. Ditto, moving out there at the end of August without actually having a place to go.

        • KEA1

          I’m in Brookline, on the T (and actually very close to BU!) but it feels *nothing* like student apartments or a student neighborhood. Rent isn’t even that stupidly high for the Boston area, and the community is awesome. Also, it’s near the Medical area, and so there are a lot of summertime-ish rental dates because of people coming in for residencies. I highly recommend a look!!

          • jashshea

            Brookline is awesome! As is the North End!

    • Laura C

      Ok, you’re making me freak out we should have started looking for June like months ago.

      • Kayjayoh

        Probably not. It seems that September is the messy time. June should be good.

        I wish we were able to move at a different time of year, because the stuff that says “available now” makes me heart cry with desire. But we move when we have to move and we look when we are able to look…which means this.

  • Kayjayoh

    Scary/worrisome: My mom had been scheduled for a surgery this Monday to remove some tumors from her neck, which was scary. However, it has been cancelled. They found that her levels of vitamin D are too low to safely do the surgery *and* another tumor has been found…on her pituitary. Needless to say, I’m trying not to think about this too much. (It also makes the “looking for an apartment in Boston” thing feel a little queasier.)

    • jashshea

      Internet hugs, KJO. Surgery delays are, for me, more stressful than the surgeries themselves. Good luck to you and your mom.

      • Kayjayoh

        Thank you.

  • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

    I just want to say that I’m super pissed off about the Miller custody case. And note to self, if I ever get pregnant, and the father wants nothing to do with the baby, get it in writing. And notarized. Something official.

    This weekend, I have a 5th date with a guy that I like. It’s so weird. This isn’t anything like how my romance was with my ex husband. Everything was a whirlwind then, and there were SO MANY FEELINGS. I don’t have ALL THE FEELINGS now… this is way calm and peaceful and nice. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I’m leaning towards good.

    • swarmofbees

      That is how it is with my FI compared to my Ex. I take it as a good sign that it is different given how badly the relationship ended. Also, I have grown up and changed since then. I think I am ready for something more stable now. I hope everything works out well for you!

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      I’d say good too :) yay!

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

      I hope your date goes well. With my ex it was q quick start (though long-distance was a huge factor in that “all-in” because long-distance just takes so much effort), so I think another whirlwind is not what I would personally want with a next dating experience. I say if you enjoy the calm and peaceful and nice, go for it! :)

  • Kathleen

    My husband and I put an offer on a house today. This all came out of nowhere, and I feel like we have no idea what we’re doing! A week ago we were planning to figure out how to fit a baby in our 1-BR apartment; we looked at the house on Monday, spent 3 days doing very emotional math, and made an offer today. It’s still tiny, but so cute, and we think it would be able to grow with us if we put some work into it, but for now it’s plenty big for 2 adults and a soon-to-be-baby. But our offer is fairly substantially below the asking price, and we really have very little room to negotiate if we want to continue eating, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up.

    • Lindsey d.

      Good luck! What an exciting time!

    • Ariel

      Good luck!!!

    • Kayjayoh

      Good luck!

    • Crayfish Kate

      Oh my god Kathleen are you me??? Minus the baby, my FH & I are about to do the same thing! Neither of us has ever bought (or thought about buying) a house before, but we’re going to have to move this summer, and we have too many pets to rent a place. We’ve only looked at 2 houses, but it’s already clear which house we prefer. So glad we’re not the only ones wondering WTF we’re doing! Best of luck to you! :-D

    • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

      good luck!

    • Kathleen

      And . . . our offer was rejected outright, with no negotiation. *That* was a short-lived excitement.

  • aly

    this is the first time i’ve caught a happy hour in so long and now i can finally shout anonymously but to the world…. WE’RE MARRIED!!! we had our wedding january 4 and it was nearly perfect (some moments were a little too awkward!) and now we are nearing on our 2nd month anniversary… life has been so fun! now that we aren’t planning a wedding we have more time to hang out and build furniture :) so glad i was able to read APW through the whole planning experience!

    • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

      Yay for being married!!!! :)

    • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

      Yay!!! Congratulations!

      • aly

        thanks!!

  • August

    My guy and I have nightly blanket wars. I usually win and end up with all the blanket, but sometimes he’ll drag the blanket back to his side. We usually wake up at least once during the night in a struggle over the blanket. It’s a down comforter in a duvet cover. Anyone know how to end blanket wars and bring about peaceful nights?

    • lady brett

      separate blankets!

    • ap

      We do the same thing! We’ve got a queen sized bed and a king sized comforter. It works

      • emilyg25

        This is what we do, too. And peace reigns throughout the land.

      • August

        That’s what I’d like to do, but don’t have the funds right now.

    • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

      You guys need two blankets!!

    • Laura

      I have friends that use two blankets! No blanket wars here because he is always too hot and I’m always too cold.

    • ElisabethJoanne

      2 blankets, and, if possible, in different textures. That way, you can tell them apart in the dark.

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way
  • Kathleen

    Random, but we’re trying to insure a car in NYC for the first time and it’s astronomically expensive. Can anyone recommend an insurance company that might offer less astronomical rates than the rest of them?

    • http://www.etsy.com/shop/DIYIDo Laura

      I can’t recommend a company, but I will suggest looking for a broker rather than shopping for insurance yourself. I switched over to a broker for the first time at the end of last year at the recommendation of several people, and it was a great experience. The broker is your advocate to get you the best deal possible and also make sure that you have the right coverage for your needs.

    • Meg Keene

      IF you happen to be a military family and can get it: USAA for everything ever.

    • Ann

      I have had great experiences in two states (not NY, though), going through AAA. Similar to the going through a broker plan, but it comes with a lower overall price. (AAA membership net saves me money every year, even without the insurance stuff. Just discounts at other places).

  • Lisa

    I love that GIF.

    • Meg Keene

      THANK YOU FIRST PERSON WHO COMMENTED ON HOUR HALF HOUR OF CONFETTI POPPING. <3

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        I love it too!!!! It’s funny, I was just thinking about trying to do a gif. But I think that’s a project for a less cotton-filled head day.

        • Meg Keene

          makeagif.com

          Or, on your phone gif boom.

          • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

            awesome! you’ve saved me a bunch of searching…. I have a silly plan…

  • Amanda

    The article on why writers procrastinate… As a twenty three year old I didn’t even realize that wanting concrete instruction and expectations on a job was abnormal and I’ve been frustrated when it wasn’t available. So glad this came across my life so I can re-frame my expectations of work!

    • Sarah E

      I just read it now, and Woah. I identify with nearly all of it (with the exception of “whiffle parenting”). I am definitely of the “fixed mind-set” crowd, something which I need to work on. And like you, I prefer concrete tasks (I’m nearly 26)- I definitely struggle a lot with more freedom to pursue my own work, despite my preference for flexibility and autonomy.

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

      I really liked that article. (And read it as I was, and am still, procrasinating on writing/editing something…)

  • Ariel

    I got back from Hawaii yesterday and got a phone call last night that my dress (that I ordered in September) is in! Yay!!! I can’t wait to go get my first fitting before my skin fades back to super pasty white.

  • Anon

    My fiance is really struggling with the concept of a registry and letting loved ones buy us things. From my perspective, there is a lot that we need and also a lot that’s cheap or doesn’t perform well and could be replaced with something newer/higher quality. From his perspective, we have everything we need and anything we don’t have we can just buy for ourselves.
    I’ve tried to tell him- our loved ones want to buy us things, and it’s better to give them lots of options to choose from. Registering at more than one store doesn’t make us greedy or gift grabby. It’s not so much about getting stuff we want (although we will), but providing our guests options to give us something they want to give us. He just does not see it that way.
    At first he fought me on even having a registry at all. Then he conceded we could register but he didn’t want to register at too many places. He is worried we will be stuck with a lot of stuff we don’t even need.
    This has been by FAR the biggest issue we’ve had with wedding planning. There have been multiple fights. I feel bad because he really does seem to feel very strongly about this, but his feelings are based on some assumptions that I don’t believe are true.

    Any help here? Do I just need to let it go?

    • Alison O

      Well, from my perspective as a guest, I love registries. I am going to get you a gift anyway (and I’m excited to do so!), so it’s helpful to know what you actually want! Also, related to that, I think you are more likely to be stuck with a lot of stuff you don’t even need if you don’t have a registry because people will get you gifts either way, but without a registry they will just be guessing about what you would like or need. Of course, if you don’t want something, don’t put it on the registry just to make the list long enough for all guests to be able to choose something off the registry. If there aren’t ‘enough’ things for a registry that you actually need, you could do a honeymoon registry, as well.

    • http://thevanillabride.blogspot.com/ Sonarisa

      I hated registering. Badger, my lovely fiance, also hated registering. Because of the reasons mentioned by your fiance, and also because I hate asking people for things- advice, gifts, help turns out I just don’t like asking for things.

      You know what I do like? Not stressing out about what to get a couple for their wedding. Badger and I both LOVE registries from a guest perspective, and love choices. As soon as we realized that, it got easier. At first we tried to just register online from the comfort of our living room- which was a DISASTER. Went through 2 bottles of wine, realized that if we were on the internet we’d keep looking until we found the BEST things instead of the things that satisfy all of our needs and are completely lovely. Taking a few hours to register in store was the best decision we made. Just walking around, talking about things and registering for things on impulse turned out to be fun- we did clean up the list online later to get rid of duplicates. If the sales person is following you around and you don’t like that- just try asking for some space. They’re pretty good about obliging.

      TL:DR Asking for things is hard, but having a list when shopping for gifts is awesome. If you do one thing to make life easier on the people who want to give you things, make them a registry. Registering online makes it easy to second guess things, and running around a store talking about the roles the objects will play in your life is fun.

    • Rebekah

      I was in a boat that rocked the same way your fiancé’s seems to. We don’t need much stuff, but I sure would love to upgrade some of our current things. Long story short, I made a list from the open thread on registries and we ended up using Amazon and merciregistry.com (because it only costs 30 a year and expires after a year if you don’t renew). Granted, it was a little tedious getting pictures and info and descriptions and links together for the amalgamation, but it was nice to be done, and they’re both easy to update without using a scanner gun.
      Amazon stuff is all returnable because Amazon. Merci registry offers to let people contribute money to a thing/event or to buy the item from an outside site on their own (like most of the online registries). It keeps us from worrying too much.
      You’ll be fine!

    • Katherine

      My now-husband was also very anti-registry. Partially because it was a second wedding for him, and partially because a lot of his family/friends have less money than mine. In the end, I was able to convince him that people wanted to buy us presents, and so we should make it easier for them. Some of the things we did to reduce conflict:
      -the registry was probably shorter than I would have liked, so as to not overwhelm him.
      -we tried to include both inexpensive & expensive items.
      -we registered for vintage dishes & silverware that matched some I already owned (but didn’t have enough of). We did this at replacements.com. It was incredibly hard to convince him that it was worth having (I.e., important to me) a complete set of dishes, silverware, and glasses that matched. I got what I wanted by doing it in a way where fewer items needed to be purchased. And honestly, I do love the vintage corelle. :)
      -I did a fair amount of the registering with my mom & with a friend, rather than my fiancé. Because he didn’t want to think about options, and they thought it was fun.

      • ElisabethJoanne

        Also did a replacements.com registry. I was asked about registering for china and crystal as soon as I announced my engagement. We ended up getting 5 dinner plates from one church lady, and all the rest from another of those older, established families Meg talks about. The second box from replacements.com was the size of a small desk!

    • Violet

      I wasn’t crazy about a registry either (I HATE stuff. So much. If it’s tangible but not edible, I pretty much don’t want it in my home.), but as a wedding guest, I always appreciated when the couple had one. And after reading enough sane APW, I decided to present the idea of a registry to my partner. He really rejected it too, saying it was tacky, rude, etc. I didn’t try to convince him, I just said, “Okay, just do one thing before vetoing. Ask at least four of the guests from your family what they think.” He did, and they all wanted at least the option of a registry. So that’s what we did.

      [As for being stuck with things you don’t need, I totally agree with Alison O. that that’s more likely to happen if you DON’T have a registry, and people just “go rogue” and buy knick-knacks (*shudder*).]

      We only registered at a place that did cash returns, so there’s that, too. We also didn’t tell anyone about the registry unless they specifically asked. AND, we only put things on there we’d really be okay with getting, so it was not a long list, but enough to suffice. Using our system, we mainly got cash, and any tangible gifts we got were from the registry and are used regularly (and ironically, it’s my husband who loves those damn glass containers for leftovers). Anyway, I hear you, AND I hear your fiance. There’s a compromise here, you’ll figure it out!

    • lady brett

      i don’t know if this will help at all, but i was definitely in your husband’s shoes…and then some. we didn’t register, primarily because the thought of it made me sick.

      so, i would double-check if it’s his assumptions about registries that are the issue, or are the somewhat awkward arguments his “rational argument” face for being really personally and philosophically uncomfortable with the idea?
      i, personally, could not reconcile with the idea of a registry. i tried (because it’s easier for guests and all). but it felt, to me, like pushing the requirement that people buy you things to show at your wedding (and, damn, all i want is you *there*); i am uncomfortable with the amount of *stuff* that we own as is; i really don’t want to encourage people who know and love us *not* to give us thoughtful, interesting, unexpected gifts. but mostly it came down to the idea of *gifts*. which, i feel strongly, should be spontaneous, personal, intentional, and fucking voluntary.

      and that is, maybe, not totally fair to folks’ expectations, but it’s all i could handle. and…we got a lot of cash, one lovely piece of artwork, an assortment of alcohol, and one way-too-weddingy-for-our-taste gift, which was sweet nonetheless.

  • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

    Wildly foolish self-promotion: I posted to my blog (brokensaucer.blogspot.com) for the first time in six months as a part of my dedication to the #apwselfies where I am doing 28 days of selfies. For those of you who don’t know me, I don’t do self-promotion, self-love, self-photography well, so this is a big weird project for me. For those of you who are keeping track, I am just getting over a terrible head cold so selfies have been extra hard being that I look like someone with a terrible head cold. Further, I am worried that my shameless self-promotion, blogging, etc., was brought on by the cloudy sense of judgment I have from the cloud in my head. Whatever.
    Congratulations to those of you who have new babies, just got married, just got new jobs, and to those of you who like me, just made it through this week. Honestly, I was a little confused by the happy hour because I completely lost track of time and briefly thought this was wednesday.

    • http://www.smittenchickens.com/ Sarah Hoppes

      Congrats on giving yourself permission to join the conversation!

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        aw, you read it. (sheepishly kicks the dirt and blushes).

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      I follow you on instagram! Through the #apwselfie tag!

    • Sarah E

      Great writing :-) And great instagram advice, thanks!

      • http://brokensaucer.blogspot.com/ sera

        thanks :)

  • ART

    For those interested in crowd-sourcing their wedding photos (or at least some of them), I received the cards I ordered from Vistaprint to let our guests know how to share their photos and I think they will be really helpful. I designed them to match some of the rest of our stuff and used the small (regular?) postcards that Vistaprint offers, with an upgrade to color on the back (50% off coupon, yeah!)

    The front side says something like:

    Share your photographs!
    Instagram #ourhashtag
    Facebook: tag one of us
    Flickr flickr.com/groups/ourgroup
    and more at ourwebsite.com

    and the back says thank you for sharing your photos. I ordered 50, so there will be plenty for guests to grab and take with them at our 75-guest wedding. They look awesome! I think to make it *crystal clear* I might have a little sign on our welcome table that says “take one!”

    • ART

      aaand I hope neither of those links goes to something weird. :)

  • Laura

    I’m late but hoping there are some stragglers like me who have thoughts/suggestions on bi-lingual wedding invitations and ceremony. English/Vietnamese. I want so much (and he would like) to honor his first language and his culture. Besides the fact that his parents speak almost no English. I’m just not sure where to start.

    • Chiara M

      I translated a woman’s wedding ceremony for her partner’s Italian wedding (aside: I met her at the APW book club. And I’ve been meaning to ask, why no more book club? I loved the book club). They had the ceremony in English and printed the translation in the program. They also did one of the readings in Italian. I’m not sure how it worked out, but I thought it was a lovely idea. I’m planning on printing out the ceremony words for my grandfather who’s quite hard of hearing. Same idea, trying to be inclusive for people who won’t be able to understand.

      Another thing you could do is say your vows in both English and Vietnamese.

      • Laura

        Beautiful ideas! Thank you thank you! We are already thinking of doing a “play along from home” kit for the grandmas that can’t travel to be here so this would incorporate nicely!

        • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

          I wished I had done some sort of live video through Skype or something for my best friend/MOH who could not be there…

          • Laura

            That is another thing! Both my grandmas likely can’t travel to the wedding. Skype would be awesome but… none of their friends skype or even have computers. How do I go about locating that, I wonder?

      • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

        The projected surtitles we used (like subtitles but live) were SO appreciated by a grandfather who is very hard of hearing. We hadn’t even thought of that, but he was able to follow most of the ceremony because of that….well at least the parts that had the French surtitles projected…

    • Kathleen

      Could you do double-sided invitations, that were identical on each face except being in different languages? That way neither seems to be the primary language, and people who speak either get a complete invite in their language. (Not sure if you’ll have a lot of other Vietnamese guests?)

      I know I’ve seen older invitations to Jewish weddings that incorporate both Yiddish and English – I’m not Jewish, so I have no personal experience, but you might be able to find thoughts from that perspective. Googling a little yields sites like this about English/Hebrew invitations: http://www.netplaces.com/jewish-weddings/wedding-tools/choosing-an-invitation-style.htm

      • Laura

        Brilliant about having each side for equality purposes. We’ve tried some googling but Vietnamese just isn’t as prominent in the US so hard to find great examples from the perspective of Vietnamese/American culture. There’s a bunch with Spanish/English which is helpful. We’ve visited with his parents about this too and they are mostly gracious and encouraging us not to make trouble for ourselves. But this is important to us!

      • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

        We did bilingual invitations. We used a open-up card and printed one on each side. We had to DIT it because we couldn’t fin anything in existence that worked…

    • Ellen

      We did bilingual save the date postcards (English/Spanish) with a photo of us on the front, and the side with the writing like this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/154237510/bilingual-wedding-save-the-date-card?ref=shop_home_active_10

      (we bought from that Etsy shop and were very happy–she was great to work with)

      While you may have already done/not be doing save the dates, I thought the formatting might be useful to see even for an invitation since it can be tough to envision a bilingual layout. We really liked that particular way of doing both languages (and I looked at a lot of bilingual wedding paper products and disliked most of them)–I thought that it was really nice to have the two languages there together, kind of integrated, rather than totally separated as they would have been if we’d just done two different cards or front/back or similar.

      That said, I’m not sure what we’ll do about invitations. I’d like them to be more formal than the save the dates, and we’ll also probably be trying to convey more information on each, so it’ll be more difficult to duplicate that information (in each language) without running out of space. I do think this looks really nice (linking to the pin because it’s the most direct route to the bilingual version): http://www.pinterest.com/pin/407364728765614558/

      but am not sure that they’re as formal as we’d like.

      For the ceremony, I’ve been taking the lead from my fiance in terms of what we’ll actually do–he has a better idea than I of what will help the Spanish speakers in his family to feel included–but also speaking up when I’ve encountered an idea I think he might like. Our final decisions will depend some on exactly which and how many family members attend. At this point, I can tell you that most of our ceremony will be in English, but we will likely have at least one reading in Spanish. My suspicion is that we’ll also provide some–maybe quite a bit of–Spanish translation in our programs.

      • Laura

        I guess as far as ceremony we are still thinking. Most of our guests (80%) are going to be English-only speaking, and his brothers and their families speak both but his parents are 100% vietnamese speaking and I want them to be included as much as possible. He is their oldest son (if you know anything about asian culture in general, you know what that means) and he and his mom are very close. I just want so much for her to feel comfortable and feel like she knows what is going on. Perhaps the fix is, like you said – translation in the programs. I wasn’t planning on providing programs but maybe just for a few people.

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

      I commented last night on last week’s happy hour about how we used projected surtitles for the bilingual ceremony. I’d be happy to answer any questions about that or the bilingual invitations, etc., if I could help in any way. Good luck navigating it. For me it was really important to handle the languages as equally as possible (and our communities were a pretty even split, linguistically speaking too). Definitelty something I thought about TONS and prioritized in our process.

      • Fiona

        What are projected surtitles?

        • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

          Surtitles are like subtitles in a foreign film, but done live in real time (like with a multilingual play). They could be projected onto a wall, part of a set, or a screen (which is what we did with our ceremony). I thought it would look unattractive, like a power point or something, but it was designed well and I thought it ended up pretty as well as very functional. :)

      • Laura

        THIS is a great idea. Trying to figure out the logistics alone is sort or giving me a headache though. Maybe a “how we did it” post? Pretty please?

        As far as the invites go, I’m still on the fence about the logistics. Do we give out two separate invites? Do we do front/back? Do we put it together on one page? What did you do and why?

        • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

          Hi Laura,

          As for the bilingual invites, there are photos here (and explanations) of how we did it. http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/2010/04/invitations-in-approach-of-amish-barn.html

          We wanted everyone to receive a bilingual invite. For us, we wanted to set the tone that we were a bilingual couple and the ceremony would be in both languages. And the people attending would also represent both languages. So we wanted to establish that at first contact (which was actually a bilingual emailed very simple save the date). However, my sister-in-law and her husband (another bilingual couple) did it differently when they got married; they just married and sent an invite in the language of the recipient. It worked for them.

          The surtitles were actually pretty basic, so I think it might not be complicated enough for a How We Did It post. Basically my (then)almost-husband took the text of the ceremony and translated it all. We got it from the officiants in its entirety in advance (we had a francophone officiant for the civil, legal part of the ceremony and an anglophone for the rest of the religious ceremony.) Anyhow, he translated it and put the translated text into a PowerPoint. Actually I think he used Google’s version of powerpoint. Then for the ceremony, he set up a large screen and a rear projector (to project towards the screen from behind, so it was out of sight) and connected that to a computer to run it all. One of our bilingual friends (a theatre technican/video designer) ran the surtitles from a laptop during the ceremony, keeping up with what was going on live, so the projected text matched the live text.

          And I think that is it… I think the key might be to make a pretty/non-ugly background slide (if that is important to you) and to choose a font you like that is also easily readable. And to make sure the text is big enough to be able to be read from a distance (meaning that you can not put too much text on the screen at once, otherwise it becomes too difficult to read from a distance). Does that help? Let me know if I left something out! :)

          • Laura

            This helps a lot! Thank you!

    • Fiona

      Yey! I posted about this last week. My FS is Haitian-Dominican, and we’re planning on a semi-bilingual wedding. One thing I’ve considered is calling out the people who speak Spanish to be especially welcoming (his parents are in the DR/Haiti and are unable to come) to Tony and the other Dominican guests.
      Also, we plan to have a reading in each language (Haitian Creole, Spanish, and English) during the ceremony. Most guests and my pastors are English-speaking, so this means a mostly English ceremony.
      After the conversation on Happy Hour last week, we decided to write our vows together. Our vows will be a series of similar promises that I will speak in English and Tony will speak in Spanish (or the other way around…not sure). They echo somewhat, so everyone will have a sense of what they say.
      The invites are bilingual with Spanish in one corner and English in the diagonal corner.
      I’m writing a letter to the fam introducing Tony and saying some things about his culture/upbringing that will be at each place setting.
      What ideas do you have?

      • Laura

        Oh yay! I went back and read your post from last week. I love your idea about writing a letter to your fam introducing parts of his culture. Something cool about my family is that both of my dad’s sisters are familiar with vietnamese culture (somewhat) from where the live/used to live in California and are so so welcoming. We haven’t talked about our vows yet – so another great idea of saying vows in each other’s language. Gosh I wish I could surprise him and say my vows to him in vietnamese but, lets just say I try and fail at very basic vietnamese with his coaching (the voice inflections and tones are SO DIFFERENT) and… that might be a little too ambitious. This week I found a girl on Etsy who sells a word document of the traditional vietnamese wording for invites with the vowels so I can just copy and paste into our invites. She also gave some phrases to tweak the wording. My fiance speaks and reads the language but translating it to writing in the formal form is something he’s very nervious about, so this was perfect for us!

        Other ideas we have are much like all of us here on APW like to do… use and tweak the traditions that make sense to us and fit it in. We’ve talked a lot about what goes into a traditional vietnamese wedding day and are going to incorporate parts of that into the day. An interesting thing that was pointed out on a blog is that the vietnamese (much like the americans) aren’t known for our own original ancient traditions but rather for borrowing and adapting traditions. So I think we’ll have a vietnamese tea ceremony, will use the chinese double happiness symbol in some of our decorating, saying vows in a small family ceremony mid-morning with bigger reception later which, turns out is a family tradition in my family also!

  • Alyssa M

    Just spent the whole afternoon trying on my grandmothers dress with my parents! It’s not in the best shape, and definitely needs TLC and alterations… but it has the potential to be perfect! I love the idea that I might wear the same dress my grandmother did!

    • Lindsey d.

      Find an awesome seamstress/dressmaker and you will be in good hands. I’m wearing my grandmother’s and mother’s dress (I’m third generation to wear it) and it is SO exciting….

      • Alyssa M

        That’s the plan! Although, my first stop is the nicest dry cleaners in town.

        • Lindsey d.

          I would go to the seamstress first, actually… She will likely have a better idea of how to treat the fabric than a dry cleaner might…

          • Alyssa M

            I actually really trust this dry cleaners. I live in a small city and they get rave reviews all across town. Plus, one of the owners is a seamstress on the side. Probably not the seamstress I’ll use, but still.

        • Hannah B

          AHHH what is it made out of? If lace, I might be able to help

          • Alyssa M

            It IS lace. It’s a satin underdress, covered by tiers of lace, filled out by tulle. Really, if we can’t make it fit me as is (my grandmother had a 19 inch waist when she got married! wtf!) The lace is coming off the dress and being incorporated into my outfit/dress some other way.

            But, there’s a 40 year old food stain on the front and sweat stains on the sleeves (from some cousin who borrowed it) and of course that’s all on the lace.

          • Hannah B

            I’m sure the dry cleaner COULD clean it, the question is if they WOULD do it, and if they will do it, how much they will charge you. I’m in a similar situation with a lace dress from the forties, and my mom and I washed it in the bath tub. Here’s what we did: Separated lace and lining, removed all metal zippers and snaps and hooks and eyes etc (don’t want them to rust in the water) and washed the fabrics separately. You have to be super gentle about it (cool water, mild detergent, we used Tide Free), and the real key is having a white (or other light. non-bleedable color) bed sheet underneath it. That way, the waterlogged lace doesn’t rip when you take it out of the tub because of its own weight. (You drain the tub with the fabric still in it so as to reduce the amount of water as much as possible before removing the lace-on-bedsheet combo to another place to dry out. Like your bed, or, better, a guest bed, cuz it might take awhile). We did the same process with the crepe-back rayon that was the underskirt. Both washed up really nicely. There is one caveat, and that is that my lace is made out of cotton. Lace can be made out of many other things, like silks or synthetic. If you burn a tiny piece and it doesn’t melt (it singes) then you know it isn’t synthetic, and can probably be washed.
            As far as making it fit, well, you do need a seamstress, probably. Preferably one who specializes in bridal or evening wear. Perhaps she can incorporate a panel, or take some lace from somewhere else on the dress to make a yoke for the top so it can be a bit bigger (I know I needed lots more room in mine, my grandma was 5’2 and itty bitty, it was just the times, you know?)…a seamstress can definitely help with that. My mom is doing all the work on mine and it has definitely been a learning process, but really rewarding :-) Good luck and I want to see a picture! I’d encourage you not to scrap all the lace, as vintage lace is gorgeous and makes guys in the garment district cry when they see it (true story)…if you end up not using it on the dress, there are other uses- baptismal gowns, making a shorter dress out of it, etc. It’s valuable stuff you simply cannot buy anymore.
            Another caveat I just thought of was that the whole time we were prepared that it might not work out. We test-washed the sleeve of lace first, to make sure it could withstand the process, so maybe that’d be wise to do first.

          • Alyssa M

            Oh I definitely wouldn’t be scrapping any part of the dress! I even saved the old tulle veil after I removed it from the beaded crown (not wearing a veil).

          • Hannah B

            Awesome. Sorry, even I had no idea how valuable and expensive lace was, especially antique lace, until we started shopping for supplementary fabric. Let us know how it works out!!

    • Laura

      Family history stuff makes me ball like a baby. Hope we get to see pictures some time!

  • KH_Tas

    Hello everyone,
    I’ve been around here commenting for a while, but I never really introduced myself. I’m a 26 year old PhD student in Australia trying to plan a low budget practical wedding to my sweet, optimistic fiance while battling an anxiety condition and trying not to cry too much. Saying hi, and that this week wasn’t so much ‘useful planning’ as ‘overwhelming’

    • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

      You’re not alone :) Glad you are here!

    • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

      Welcome! Good with your planning for your wedding and marriage.

      (And I really enjoyed my 2012 trip to Melbourne and Port Douglas.) :)

    • Kayjayoh

      Welcome welcome!

  • Laura K.

    This article is AWESOME. Highly recommend. It concerns the representation of female central characters in children’s lit.
    http://www.lastwordonnothing.com/2013/12/18/one-weird-old-trick/

  • Anon

    I’m reading through the Reclaiming Wife archives and the text doesn’t appear over the thumbnails as it does in the other archives. And the deeper I go in the archives the less thumbnails show up so there are a number of blank tiles.

  • Kayjayoh

    Update: the place looks awesome. We want it. There was one other group looking at it at the same time, so there might be competition for it.

    Then the catch: turns out, the landlord doesn’t want to look at applications until May. WTF? Then why the hell even list it now? Even the rental agent is confused by this. Blargh.

    • Laura

      Sending good vibes your way.

      • Kayjayoh

        I’m walking us away from it. The more I think about it, the more it makes me nervous. We’d also be living upstairs from the landlord. If it weren’t a full fee place, then maybe. But everything together made me say no.

        • Laura

          The red flag that goes up is “possibly crazy landlord” so, good vibes are going your way for better living spaces, then.

  • Laura

    This comment might get moderated out but I have to try… will someone PLEASE buy this dress for their wedding? Maybe minus the bow… though someone other than me might be able to rock it. It’s too small for me but I love it so hard.
    https://www.etsy.com/listing/127451607/1950s-lace-wedding-dress-vintage-yellow?ref=related-2