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Lauren: But What If Nobody Comes?


It only takes two anyway

by Lauren Fitzpatrick, Writing Intern

Lauren: But What If Nobody Comes? | A Practical Wedding

When you graduate high school in Indianapolis, the done thing is to have an open house. You get some meat trays and a sheet cake from Marsh, put up some awkward photos of yourself growing up, and invite everyone you know to visit your parents’ house between the hours of two and five on a Saturday afternoon. Your guests will slot you in between a number of other, nearly identical, open houses, flitting in like gift-bearing fairies to say congratulations, good luck, and oops gotta go.

But what if you planned an open house and no one came? To my seventeen-year-old brain, that was the ultimate social snub. That’s why, when my parents insisted that we have an open house, I didn’t tell any of my friends. If no one showed up I couldn’t feel bad because, well, I didn’t invite them in the first place. In the end, most everyone who was invited stopped by. I mingled with my parents’ friends and a handful of family members for three tolerable hours. The cake was demolished and the only traces of the party were a few mangy celery sticks and a weird shrine to my adolescence in the living room. Maybe my friends would have come, but we’ll never know.

Unlike my graduation open house, I’ve actively invited friends and family to our wedding, which feels like a total crapshoot. As our guest list grew, Jared and I had moments where we counted up the numbers and looked at each other: when had our intimate wedding of forty or fifty expanded to sixty, seventy, seventy-five? Not everyone will come, we said. Then, But what if they do? I’m still ashamed at how quickly people—and not just any people, but the ones who are most important to us—lost their identities and morphed into little more than numbers.

Once the save-the-dates went out, my mentality shifted. I realized that Hawaii is a big trip for a lot of people, especially in the wake of new jobs, new houses, new babies, and new engagements of their own. Seventy-five guests seemed unlikely, but suddenly, so did fifty. I counted up the number of people I definitely knew were coming and came up with twenty. Insecurity seeped in. Are twenty people even enough to justify a tent and a dance floor? Maybe we should have gone with our second choice, a run-down rental house that allowed backyard weddings.

Wedding planning called up the same sorts of fears that taunted me fifteen years ago. This time they hover in the back of my mind, not quite articulated, a lingering reminder of the teenager I once was. What if nobody comes? What if they think it’s stupid? What if they only come to be polite? These thoughts get shoved into a mental box, tamped down, and locked away, because they do not reflect the woman I identify as, the one who doesn’t stop to worry about what people will think before she makes decisions. But they keep worming their way out of the box and infiltrating my brain just the same.

And then, after I’d thought myself into a cloud of self-pity, I actually tried to picture our wedding. And those twenty faceless numbers transformed back into the people they represented. It wasn’t a cluster of seven anonymous people playing lawn games during cocktail hour, but my sisters, college roommates, and Jared’s cousins. It wasn’t a series of numbers taking up space on chairs at our ceremony, but people I knew and loved. Maybe it wouldn’t be all of them, but it was some of them, and that mattered. Where had I gotten so derailed that I defined twenty of the most important people in our lives as “nobody”?

I honestly don’t know where I got the idea that people wouldn’t want to come to my high school open house as a teenager, nor why I thought they might not want to come to my wedding. A wedding is not a popularity contest, and I know from personal experience that you can have a dance party all by yourself if the right song is playing. Of course you can have a wedding with twenty, or forty, or seventy-five people; all you really need are two. But numbers aren’t the point. What counts are the people who have been there for us before the wedding and those who will be with us after—whether or not they are able to celebrate with us under the tent, on the dance floor.

Lauren Fitzpatrick

Lauren graduated from Indiana University with no idea of what to do next, so she got a working holiday visa for Ireland. Over the next ten years she worked her way around the world, picking up a Master’s in travel writing and an Australian fiancé along the way. She is now based in Newcastle, Australia, and still doesn’t understand what “settling down” is supposed to mean.

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  • Rachel

    Oh wow, this piece really spoke to me. I am doing my guest list and sending save the dates this Friday and have the SAME thoughts going through my head. I’ve automatically assumed 40 or so invitees won’t come, before they have even been invited! Beyond that, even if less than my “ideal” number show up – what does that change? We’ll still be getting married, with people we love there to celebrate with us.

    • tashamoes

      I did the same! We built a lot of assumed non-attendees into the guest list and (to our joy and delight) a whole bunch of these have already said they’re going to make the trip across the continent and be there. We also figured that lots of people would be away on summer holidays – and again, we’re so honored to hear several who are scheduling their trips around our date.

      We haven’t sent invitations yet, so I haven’t felt the sting of someone saying they won’t be there. It’ll happen, I know…but right now, it feels really encouraging to hear people make an effort to celebrate with us when I doubted they would.

  • Nora

    Thank you for this beautifully written piece. Throughout the whole planning process I thought I was so self assured… the sense of insecurity you describe didn’t hit until the first “Sorry, can’t make it” RSVPs started coming in. I am amazed at how much each one stings with that horrible teenage feeling of rejection, even though my rational brain understands that the guest count is not necessarily a reflection of how much we are loved. Thanks for the reminder that the people who do come will be more than enough to surround us with love- no matter their numbers.

    • Jules

      I feel like we’re told two things about RSVPs though: the people who will be with you on the day are the important ones (mostly true), and yet there’s this undeniable reality of life – new baby, no vacation time, no finances, that sort of thing – that prevents some from coming. I’ve always found this really difficult to reconcile too, and I just stopped trying to analyze declines to death. It got me nowhere but in a dark corner of my head.

      • TeaforTwo

        Yep, I know that feeling – we had a few declines (and in particular, a few last minute back-outs) that really disappointed me.

        I think that the truth that the people who are there are the ones who matter isn’t so much a reflection that all of the important people in your life will magically be able to attend your wedding – I think that it’s more that on the day, the people who matter are the people who are there.

        Our wedding day was such a whirlwind, and I felt so completely surrounded by love. That’s not to say that there weren’t moments (hi, family photos) when I was stressed out and not exactly feeling swept up in good feeling, but I will say that I didn’t have a single moment to consider the folks who didn’t come.

        • Jules

          Yes, that’s very true (the last bit in your second paragraph), and seems like that’s what the APW book drives at. What I hear sometimes is the flipside: “if you matter to them, they’ll come” or “all the important ones will be there” and so on. I think it’s important to not look at it like this if you want to escape with your self-esteem intact.

        • http://www.therewm.com/ Rachel W. Miller

          “I think that it’s more that on the day, the people who matter are the people who are there.” Completely agree with this sentiment! While in principle there are people I wished were there, I wasn’t thinking about them on the day of.

      • Rebekah

        Exactly. You can say and read and chant that the people who matter will be there, but when the people YOU think matter end up not being there, you have to emotionally come to terms with it. And it hurts.

  • bsc

    This post came at just the right time! I am in the middle of tracking down RSVPs that aren’t in yet and had a moment this week where I took a “no” response a little too personally! Thanks for the reminder that what counts are “the people who have been there for us before the wedding and those who will be with us after – whether or not they will be able to celebrate with us under the tent, on the dance floor.”

  • Carrie

    This. Especially as someone who had a birthday party as a teenager to which only two (2) people showed up. (Not at the same time, either, first one came and left, then the other.) I have trouble making friends in the first place, and for some reason the ones I do make tend to be, well, a bit flaky. At one point I looked at our guest list, and realized that I only had one friend coming to my wedding. My FH has 4 groomsmen, I have my one friend and my sister. My FH has an amazing family that are all more than excited to travel halfway across the country, to the state where most of my family lives, because if we have it anywhere else I know my family won’t come.
    I keep waffling back and forth between being hurt that I don’t have many people willing to make an effort to come to me, and wondering why I even care. Is it all just that I’m afraid of re-living that birthday party? Am I afraid I’m going to end up sitting alone on the floor eating an entire bowl of guacamole because no one else came to eat it? No, that’s silly, my parents will be there. And my sister, and my one friend. And FH and his amazing family, who I already feel like are my own.

    • Alyssa M

      I’m right there with you, except it was a NYE party… and a College Graduation/Birthday Party… both of which I bought food and booze for and invited 15-20 people… and my one loyal friend showed up (and my partner was already there of course) and I was mortified and depressed… and then terribly drunk.

      It’s colored my wedding planning, but mostly because I’ve learned to be realistic about the people in my life. All I really need are the people that care enough to be there. I’m not bothering with the rest.

      • Carrie

        “All I really need are the people that care enough to be there. I’m not bothering with the rest.”
        EXACTLY. I just need to be reminded of this sometimes.
        : )

    • MisterEHolmes

      I feel ya. I had a birthday like that (16th). And now I’m not only planning a wedding, my fiance and I have a joint birthday party and it’s looking like I might not have a single “just mine” friend come…I’m trying not to be hurt.

    • http://underacorktree.blogspot.com Christina Josephine

      Thaaaaank you for writing that. I too only have one super-close friend. There will be no bachelorette party, no wedding shower, etc., because I’m not friends with enough people to make these things work. I’m not close with my extended family (who lives two states away) and less than 10 of them are coming to the wedding. I have no siblings, or a dad. I don’t feel deprived by my small circle on a day-to-day basis, but wedding planning has definitely brought up feelings of loneliness in me. Especially because, in contrast, my boyfriend has a ton of close friends and a huge family, a large portion of which are genuinely thrilled to be flying across country to attend our wedding.

      • Alyssa M

        From another one friender, I totally think two people is totally enough for a bachelorette party. Definitely won’t be having a shower either, but we’re gonna have a night devoted to booze and classic chick flicks from when we were teenagers and that’s my bachelorette party. It won’t be a ridiculous weekend in Vegas with 20 of “my girls” but hey, I’d be uncomfortable in that situation anyways.

    • Jules

      Then again, there can be SO many differences between people: some have huge social circles, some have smaller ones, and what high school teaches us is that huge social circles is in some way superior. I have to disagree. ALSO, I don’t know either of your families, but weddings mean different things to different families and groups….so maybe that’s part of it? For example, my SO’s sister flew to France for a weekend (!!!!) just to make her cousin’s wedding, but … I can’t see that being a reality in my family, and I’m pretty sure they love me too.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to have mixed feelings about this in the first place, and it’s DEFINITELY okay to care. Just because it only takes two (or a few) to have a wedding doesn’t mean you can’t be sad that there aren’t more. It’s totally possible to be grateful for the people who are coming and feel disappointed at the same time.

      Have you seen Despicable Me 2? Guacamole hats make eating by yourself COOL.

      • http://underacorktree.blogspot.com Christina Josephine

        Just Googled guacamole hats. Ha!

    • Jess

      Yeah, I saw the title and felt my stomach drop. “But what if nobody comes?” It’s a question I ask myself at least once a week. Meeting up with a friend for coffee, “But what if she doesn’t come?” Inviting a group to a bar to watch a game, “But what if they don’t come?” Arriving first at a party, “But what if it’s a joke on me and nobody else is here?”

      I guess the worst that happens, the “What If” answer, is that you sit down on the floor in a fancy outfit and you eat a lot of food and you say, “One day, this will be one heck of a story.”

      The fact is, some people come. Usually. At least now that we’re done being teenagers and awful to eachother.

  • Rachel 2

    The people will come. I completely understand the insecurity. I felt the same way when I sent out my wedding invitations, and I counted a lot of people in the “no” pile – unfairly. When we started getting the RSVPs, I was surprised at the friends who said they were coming, even though I had initially thought, “Oh, they’re probably too busy / they won’t want to travel / it’s just too much.” Of course, there were people who couldn’t make it, but I found that those people had legit reasons (a family wedding that same weekend, lives on the other side of the world, etc).

    And if they don’t come? Well, whatever. You said there are at least 20 people definitely RSVPing yes, which means you have at least 20 wonderful people in your life, plus your future spouse. That’s still something to celebrate.

  • Sara

    If my mother hadn’t forced me to send out invitations, none of my friends would have been invited to my graduation party either (we do the same open house set up in Chicagoland). I actually left and went to another person’s party down the street because I was afraid I was being a burden and forcing people to stay. These days, I love throwing dinner parties but have a moment of panic every time I send out the invites – Who will come? Will they like my cooking? What if we can’t think of anything to do after eating? Will they be mad I wasted their Saturday night? Inevitably, people show up – sometimes everyone, sometimes a handful, but we always have fun.
    This whole post is a good reminder that it doesn’t matter if its a dinner with one other person or a huge gala you’re planning – its about the company you keep and the people that are happy to spend time with you. Love the ones you’re with and all that jazz :)

  • Mezza

    As a fellow grad of an Indianapolis high school, I definitely remember that open-house insecurity. At least with weddings it’s not like every person you know is trying to schedule them in the same two weekends!

    I was also scared of this happening with my wedding, but then of course it turned out that the vast majority of my friends actually did turn up. And then considering that most of my family didn’t even bother to RSVP, the fact that a few friends sent apologetic notes and weren’t able to make it didn’t end up bothering me at all.

  • Lisa

    Oh, man the open houses! I’m from an Indy burb, and we always referred to that awkward assemblage of photos and honor cords as “The Shrine.” You arrive at the Open House, worship at The Shrine, eat some food, and move on to the next.

    I’ve had similar feelings about my own wedding. “Maybe it’s too far for my fiancé’s family to travel.” “Maybe my mom’s siblings won’t be able to afford a hotel in our city so they won’t come.” etc. etc. I try to focus on the fact that we have a church, we’ll have some food, and at the end of it all we’ll be married, which is the most important part of this whole wedding thing anyway. And if some of my favorite people in the world come to celebrate with us, then that would be the icing on the cake.

  • Jacky Speck

    It’s easy to get caught up in numbers when you’re trying to figure out catering, rentals, etc. I’ve flip-flopped between being ridiculously anxious that we’ll have too many people for our 130-person space limit, and being ridiculously anxious that we won’t have ENOUGH people to meet the 100-person food/beverage minimum. So thank you for the reminder that those numbers represent PEOPLE, and no matter who doesn’t show up, those who do will all be people we love.

  • Fiona

    “A wedding is not a popularity contest.” THIS is so, so true. The people who come do so because they love you, and the people who don’t probably love you too but have some other pressing commitment (like lack of a visa or some other nonsense). Beautifully written.

  • Kristin

    This really hits home for me too. We are having our wedding in Hawaii and initially estimated that 35-40 people would come from out 75 person invite list (I even had a fancy way of calculating how many people we could expect based on probability. ha. engineering for ya). We got our rsvps back and everyone that had previously said maybe declined the invite. Right now we have 22 people coming. I was sad for awhile because I also had the same thoughts…maybe we shouldn’t have rented our venue, we could have had it somewhere smaller, will people even dance?

    But ultimately…it doesn’t matter who is there as long as the two of you are there. The most important people (our parents) can thankfully be there, and everyone else is like a bonus.

  • http://cafeaubride.blogspot.com/ Catherine

    Ha i’ve totally been there. We are getting married out of state for both of us and only a tiny handful live in the town where we are getting married. We are getting our RSVPs now, and I have to say I am surprised and excited to see people actually saying YES, they are coming. People I totally didn’t expect to come.

  • http://cuvikingadventures.blogspot.ca/ Jenny/Adventures Along the Way

    I got married in a different country from the one I’m from, so I automatically knew that choice meant I would have very few people there because it’s expensive to travel internationally, etc. So I told myself it would be my parents and maybe a couple of friends on “my side.” This was hard to accept, but the positive thing was that when *anyone* said they were coming I was THRILLED and *every* person was way more than I was expecting. “My” crowd was still small (and unbalanced with my now-ex’s side), but it was definitely more than I thought would come, and it made me feel incredibly, deeply thankful. I felt unbelievably loved. I guess expecting the worst case scenario made me happy for anyone coming beyond just my parents. :) (And, I want to point out that I also felt loved by people who were unable to come for various reasons, but who made the effort to reach out anyways to support me with emails or phone calls to let me know they were thinking of me. And that included my best friend/MOH who was unable to come at the last minute.)

    • Erin E

      Just wanted to “exactly” the very end of your comment… during my wedding process I realized what a difference it made when people who couldn’t make it to the wedding took the time to reach out in some way. When people just RSVP’d No, without any follow-up or good wishes: that stung. But when friends called or texted or sent notes saying how much they wished they could be there… that turned the disappointment into more of a matter-of-fact “they wish they could be here but just can’t” situation. That little extra sentiment went a long way and I will remember to always do this from here on out.

      • Anne

        I completely agree – the flat “no” is hard, but the cards with little notes written saying they wish they could or why they can’t make it make me feel so loved!

  • Sonora Webster

    Thanks for this! Such a good reminder to think about people, not numbers. We’re in a little bit different boat– I wanted a smallish wedding, until my fiance and I started writing out our invite lists, and the FAMILY part of his guest list was over 50 people, about 10 of whom I had actually met at that point. So it has been really easy to just see them as numbers, since to me they were literally lines on a spreadsheet, not people. I’ve just been worried about logistics, and fitting everyone in the room! But a couple of weeks ago we took a trip to where a lot of his family live, so we were all able to meet. And of course, they are lovely, warm, and wonderful, and I can’t wait to celebrate with them at our big fat wedding!

  • http://www.therewm.com/ Rachel W. Miller

    Annnd this is part of why I didn’t have an open house! (Which, weirdly, I mentioned to Eric last week and he had never heard of the concept?! Maybe it’s a Michigan/Ohio area thing.)

    I went back and forth between thinking no one would come and thinking a lot of people would come. I did find that when the RSVPs came, though, it didn’t really sting. Like, yes I was disappointed because I would have loved to see certain friends, but I didn’t interpret an RSVP as a vote for homecoming queen or anything. I don’t think wedding attendance is always as personal as it feels…sometimes it’s just logistics!

    I hate to say that my wedding had all the people who needed to be there because there were some friends who I REALLY wish could have been there too…but at the same time, it was a truly wonderful day and I didn’t feel like it was lacking at all.

    • Jess

      Maybe Midwest? WI and IL both have them in numbers.

      • Genevieve

        OMG the high school graduation open house!! Yes, Midwest. I grew up in downstate Illinois and these were huge.

  • Anon

    Am I the only bride who felt relief at most of the “no” RSVPs? Not because I didn’t want the people we had invited to be able to come, but because I wanted to be welcoming (and invited quite a few people because of that) and I did not want a huge crowd. Plus I didn’t feel rejected by the “no” people.

    • Betsy

      You’re not the only one. My original guest list was about 65, and when I talked to my fiance it turned into 80, but then our parents got involved and it went up to 130. I got really overwhelmed with the idea of a doubled guest list, managing to spend genuine time with each guest, and then also accommodating that many more people. I’ve got one more week for the RSVPs to come in, and most of the No responses have made me relieved, but a few of them are from immediate family I was counting on, and those broke my heart.

  • VenusAD

    Wow, you just described my entire life. I do this every single time there’s a party. I often put the inviting on my (now) fiance because I’d feel so terrible if I invited people and they didn’t come. Totally feeling this way about the wedding, but I keep reminding myself that most of my friends are already pretty darn excited about the whole thing.

  • Emily

    Reading this piece prompted an insight I hadn’t realized before. While my invites have been printed and ready to send out for a while now, I’ve been procrastinating. Part of the reason is that I think it still might be too early ( 4 months out ), but the other part is that I am nervous about facing those decline RSVP’s!

  • Victwa

    One of the best pieces of life thinking I have came from a work mentor, who, when talking about a meeting or an event or something where people were invited but less than the desired number came, said, “You have to trust that the people who show up are the right people to be there.” When friends (and some of my husband’s family), who had known about the wedding for MONTHS (or over a year) said they were not coming, I held tight to this. The right people were at our wedding, and they will be at yours.

    • starkville

      That is awesome advice. My entire huge southern family all collectively decided not to come to my wedding (it was “too far” and “too expensive”, and they figured they should act as a unit and all not come. Don’t ask about that logic, but it hurt really bad. And… the day of, I didn’t care. Mostly because of what you put into words.

  • VenusAD

    Oh, and question! For whoever can answer…is it wrong to send out Save the Dates with an RSVP? We’re going to use Glo, so I figured they can just click through and RSVP super early. If there’s anyone who really can’t make it, we don’t even have to include them in the catering costs from the beginning. I’m just trying to keep down those costs as much as possible. Buuut, our wedding is in March. Is this way way way too early for even a Save the Date or to expect RSVPs?

    • Alyssa M

      I couldn’t speak to the etiquette of it, but I think you’d run the risk of some VERY inaccurate RSVPs… and then you’re confidently making financial decisions based on possibly inaccurate information. Personally I wouldn’t RSVP to a wedding until I got an invitation, but there are people who would, and within a year have things come up and have to back out.

      • VenusAD

        Ah, good point. I guess you just have to run the risk of having way more food than necessary. Oh, paying something for nothing bothers me so much. It makes me excellent at gambling, but terrible with event planning!

        • swarmofbees

          I got a few RSVPs with my paperlesspost STDs, even though I did not request them. So, you might find that people who know will let you know as soon as possible.

    • AG

      Agreed that you’d get some inaccurate responses that might make matters more complicated later on. Somewhere on this site (I’m thinking it’s the post on buying alcohol for your wedding?) they give a pretty accurate calculation of how many people to expect based on how many you invite. You could use that when getting your catering quote. Also, I know not every caterer works this way, but in most cases you can adjust your guest count up to two weeks or a month before the wedding, and you can add people (but not subtract) up to the very last minute. They won’t charge you based on the number you’re quoted, but only on the final number you give them. Hope that helps!

      • VenusAD

        That’s actually very helpful! I’ll ask my Caterer about their policy on that.

      • ElisabethJoanne

        Note on yes/no percentages: We thought we were having a fairly local wedding, and we still had about 80 people out of over 200 invited. Better to talk to your caterer about putting in a low floor and how much you can adjust up.

    • JDrives

      I don’t think it would be “wrong” to add an RSVP to your StDs per se, but probably jumping the gun a bit. You might find that people will naturally let you know, “Yay I got your StD but we totally are out of the country that week and I am all of the sads!”

      About the timeline for sending those puppies out – if it’s gonna be a destination wedding for many or all of your guests, the earlier the better so they can plan ahead. But that’s up to you no matter what! Even though lots of our guests are local, we still sent ours out about 11 months ahead of time because A) Vistaprint was having a killer sale and B) we are JUST TOO EXCITED TO WAIT. We love going over to our friends’ houses and seeing our magnets up!

      And then addressing your catering cost concerns – Are you paying your caterer everything up front? That seems a little odd. Most caterers don’t ask for the final headcount until a few weeks out, and that’s when the remainder of your $$ is usually due. Mine required a deposit at signing (25% of the estimate), then 50% due 30 days before the wedding, and any remainder 10 days before when she receives the final headcount. Depending on how many people RSVP “no,” that remainder might be smaller than 25% of the original estimate.

  • K.

    DING DING DING! This post wins for all of my feelings about the guest list and wedding “popularity” in general.

    I’ve also been feeling the “popularity contest” aspect about my wedding party — that people will think it’s odd or sad that I “only” have four bridesmaids, where my fiance has six grooms(wo)men. Like, “Oh, poor K., she never WAS very sociable. Poor little weirdo with so few friends, unlike her amazing, charismatic fiance!” And while my fiance is very amazing and charismatic, it’s just a weird, ugly insecurity that is fueled by the WIC and societal expectations of what female friendship is SUPPOSED to look like. And male friendship, for that matter, since I’m pretty sure no one would think it was odd if my fiance had less groomsmen since we’re all very subtly taught that intimate male friendships (with men or women) are less valuable, or even socially unacceptable.

    But I digress.

    My point is that it’s really amazing that I have four women in my life that I love and are willing to be my bridesmaids. It’s amazing that my fiance has six people in his life that he loves and are willing to stand up with him. And at the end of the day, we’re joining our lives (officially), so really they’re all standing up there for US and we have these wonderful people in OUR lives. And similarly, it’s amazing that we both have so many friends and family members who are actually EXCITED about attending our wedding, even if we do end up with “only” 40 people from our 115 guest list.

  • Anon for now

    Thank you!!!! Perfect timing!! My fiancé had a groomsman back out this week, and then his brother (another groomsman) decided he “wasn’t attending the wedding” (long, petty story) and I started panicking. We are having a “destination” wedding (in my hometown about 10 hours away), and I just started freaking that no one would be there. Thanks for this post. I’m going to bookmark it :)

  • Anne

    So, this is case number bajillion in which APW posts the exact thing that’s on my mind at this stage of wedding planning. Are you reading my mind??

    I’m been feeling kind of bummed out this week about our RSVPs. They were due last week and out of 260+ people invited, only about 75 even bothered to RSVP on time. I was kind of shocked and it really made me sad, because even though a good number of those who didn’t respond were family members who just thought, “Well, they obviously know we’ll be there!”, a lot were people we truly weren’t sure about. The “No” RSVPs stung (especially from people who had previously told us they were so excited to come) but weren’t totally unexpected, since we’re getting married in my hometown which will require 95% of our guests to fly in from out of town and we understood it wouldn’t be feasible for a sizeable percentage. But all those who didn’t even send back the card… my mind starts racing, “Do they think it’s weird we invited them?” “Do they think it’s presumptuous that we’re getting married in a remote location?” “Do they just not give a crap?” It just hurt.

    At this point, after following up with the non-responders, out of our list of 260+ we have 80 confirmed and I doubt we’ll get more than a handful more. We were expecting around 125. I feel especially bad for my fiance since most of those who had No or didn’t respond were on his side. Fewer than 20 of our 80 guests will be his friends and family even though we invited the same number. We keep telling ourselves and each other to focus on the awesome 80 who are making the trip (and honestly, we’ll be saving a ton on catering!), and I know on the day itself we won’t even be thinking about the people who couldn’t make it. But right now, I’m definitely feeling like that awkward, lonely high schooler again.

    • http://batman-news.com Amanda

      What is it with people not RSVPing?! Whether that means a phone call, response card, email, or text, I’m always appalled when people don’t RSVP and by the # of people who are apparently okay with not RSVPing. It’s one of those rude things that actually hurts your feelings pretty deeply – mailing a piece of paper is too big of an effort for someone who honored you with inviting you to their wedding?

  • Caitlin_DD

    This! I have anxiety about wedding attendance, but then I remember I’m an introvert, why am I so worried about having *more* people? I think it comes down to wanting to feel loved, but as you point out, our most important people WILL be there. We are loved even if people can’t travel to the wedding.